A few weeks back I had a cold. I was completely congested and stuffed up and…yuck.
This is an actual conversation after Crappy Husband did the nudge, nudge, wink, wink thing at me in the kitchen when I was getting more tissues for my nose.
Nice.
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That little tidbit is not in my soon-to-be-released marriage book.
However, there IS an entire sex chapter devoted to um, our sex life. (There’s even this one detail that my editor wanted me to take out because she thought it was too gross but I asked a few friends and they all laughed until they got tears in their eyes so I figured I had better leave it in.)
You can pre-order it now through November 17th, 2014 and get a hand-signed bookplate that will arrive before the holidays. Book comes out December 30th, 2014. There is a little more about the book on this page.
How it works…
#1. Preorder today through November 17th, 2014 from the following (logos will take you right to the book)…
#2. Then fill out this form.
Offer valid for US & Canada addresses (excl. Quebec). Limited quantities.
Then you will receive a handy dandy, signed bookplate sticker in the mail in time for the holidays!
Thank you!!
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PS – although not eligible for the bookplate, the book is on AmazonUK and also on Book Depository, which offers free shipping worldwide for those of you in far off corners of the world. Thank you!!
OMG, I could totally see my hubby saying that!
My hubby tries to convince me the nutrients in sperm will “help” me get over my cold.
Bahahahahaha! My husband says this exact thing! It must be something in their Y-gene!
OMGoodness…sperm is the cure-all for EVERYTHING!! (At least according to my hubby…LOL!!)
huh… and here I was thinking it was breast milk!
My guy is a physician; when I’m unwell, he offers a cure-all dose of his “Dr. Dan’s Root Oil.” 😉 Ten years together… so now I might say, “Oh sorry, my insurance doesn’t cover that.”
Mine too! He also says I don’t need to be awake when I say I’m tired, no matter how many times I tell him that’s creepy. 🙂
hahaha! Yep…mine says the same thing! pppffff…
“Penis”cillin.
:/
Lol. Ive been with my o/h for 13 years now and Unfortunately for him I’m now resistant! 😉
Lol. I have heard that one.
If you didn’t take the low road, I would have. glad youbeat me to it. someone had to say it 😀
Yes! My husband says its like gurgling salt water and will help my throat feel better!
Oh my gosh…. you need to punch him 😉
Ugh – that isn’t helpful after you suffocate from being unable to breathe during that particular activity….
Lmao.. my husband always says I need a shot of protein if I complain about anything on my body.
Oh my god, this is so funny… My boyfriend says versions of all of these… It cracks me up how much all men apparently think alike!
Aaauuurrggg! Is there like a secret “man manual” that we don’t know about? Yes, to all of this! The “protein shot”, the sleeping, the cold, all of it. All this time and I thought it was only him..
Ahahaha!! I have had this exact same conversation with my husband, many, many times!
This is actually an ongoing issue with my hubby. And it’s worse, because he wants sex any time he’s sick. He’s tried to tell me how the closeness helps him feel better. All I can think is how he’s just trying to get me sick as well, but I give in almost every time.
Oh my goodness, I thought only my husband wanted it when he is sick!!!!! Hahahaha!
Hahaha, my response would be to put a clothespin on his nose.
Actually, what I’ve found is that having sex clears up my congestion, at least temporarily. Still don’t want to if I feel like I’ve been run over by a train, though.
Don’t tell the husband’s this!!!
I can’t be the only one who thought of the Friends episode in which Monica is sick and tries to get Chandler to rub Vicks on her…
My hubby calls that the “Monica Syndrome” – which he had a couple of weeks ago… 🙂
That was my immediate first thought…lol!
My husband has said this exact same thing, I swear it! LOL
Dang! I wish I could pre-order on Kobo like I did with your other book.
Oh that is FUNNY! So true. 14 years together and he picks the worst times. I’m 34 weeks pregnant now, standing in our room dressing talking about hemorrhoids, heartburn so bad I can barely bend or lay back, I think I might have a varicose vein in my lady parts or it’s just really swollen and he’s watching me dress and asking if I “want to”! NO! Why on earth after I just told you those things would you think that sex would be on my priority list? Why would you even want to given those details? Go away until February. lol
Oh now that is true love!!! 😉
Congrats on meeting your new little one soon!!
OMG laughing so hard….. my hubby all over !!!
Thank God I’m not the only one whose husband does this!! I’m 37 weeks pregnant and mine does the same thing every freaking day, AFTER asking “how I’m feeling”!!
Just wanted to say that I love the cover of your new book. My husband sounds the same way when he’s sleeping on his back, but instead of my hands over my ears, I’m poking him to wake up and turn over. Sometimes it sounds like a helicopter is in our room. 🙂
What if I pre-order on amazon.CA?
Oh my Lord! My hubby just said that to me this week!
OMG that totally sounds like my husband! I cannot wait to read your book, you should come up with a hashtag handle for people who have bought your book. Bc I’ll totally hashtag mine when I do get it!
Oh our sweet… crazy men!! I don’t know about Crappy Daddy but my husband is my worse patient (out of him and my 3 young children)
He was sick last month a proclaimed (for dramatic emphasis) “I’m so miserable I don’t even want sex!”
Awesome… store that one in brain… check!!
I had a similar conversation with my husband the other night. We had baby #2 about a month ago and we are in bed. Hubby in his spot, I’m in mine, new baby nursing in between us and 2 year old on other side of hubby. All in a queen bed, plus 4 cats in various spots. DH rolls towards me and asks when we can have sex again! To which I replied, “um, no!” Then toddler starts repeating sex… Not exactly putting me in the mood, nevermind the baby chewing on my boob!
Pre-ordered!!! yayy!! cant wait to read the book.
Ha ha ha!! This is exactly the conversations that take place in my house!
Upon learning we couldn’t have sex for six weeks after surgery, my husband told the doctor we’d have to see what our dentist said… That was embarrassing!
He also always uses the shot of protein to shake what ails me.
Squeeeeee! Another book by my favorite adult author that I can read with my little ones. Except this one maybe not, lol! Omg i’m going to have to hide something! How to disguise it as office work?
Most common sexually transmitted infection? The cold. Seriously.
OMG this is so funny! I wanna get the book just to see what it was the publisher wanted out! Why do husbands think we want them groping on us when we’re sick (course half the time I’m all groped out with three 5 and under…please the most romantic thing you can do is dishes!).
Ha – I just told my husband tonight that the hottest thing ever was when he changed a poopy diaper – not sure he believed me though!
I can totally believe this, haha!
My husband said once or twice when sick, all I needed was a “shot of penis-cillin” (penicillin) to make me feel better!
LOL
This was me and my husband this week. I didn’t have a voice and generally wasn’t inclined to do much except sleep. Amazing how they aren’t convinced we are disgusting. I don’t think the reverse would be true were he sick!! (He’s a very, VERY grumpy over -dramatic sick person.)
A couple weeks ago my wife had a cold and wanted sex. She was coughing a lot and it was making her pee uncontrollably. We were able to do it, but it was pretty gross.
Slightly off-topic here: might you consider offering the option of independent bookstores as an alternative to the big companies in your set of links (http://www.indiebound.org/book/9780373893072)?
Do you know why the apple bookstore doesn’t have it up yet? I clicked on the link and it said that it wasn’t available yet.
hahahaha…every single time I’m sick we have this convo
Can’t get it in the UK 🙁
Just curious, what retailer makes you the best profit?
It reminds me of when I was pregnant and so sick and nauseous and pukey, and my husband would give me that same look. Then he got the flu and after he was done puking I’d go up and snuggle him from behind and say, “So…you wanna do it now?” It felt good, saying that.
Love the “nudge, nudge, wink, wink” reference — my beloved is a big Monty Python fan. 😉
I cracked up and showed this to my girlfriend Lisa, who laughed until she wiped tears away and said, “Well, I hope Crappy Widow will be well set for insurance money once she murders him!” Romantic overtures during Snotbox Events = asking for cartoon violence in her house!
What is that? I’ve had two SOs want to get jiggy while I’m gross and sniffly. No. Go away, weirdo.
This JUST happened. Like 2 minutes ago! Also, I was like, your BOOK?!?! thinking you had written another one in secret… Like the first one LOL