This is the very first time I’ve needed to write a “Frequently Asked Questions” page. Because people have started to ask me questions. Frequently.
Nobody has ever asked me anything cool, like “What is your favorite color?” so I’m adding that one. And some of these aren’t even questions, they are FCCs or “Frequently Commented Complaints”.
It’s okay, I don’t think anyone actually reads these pages.
When does your book come out?
Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures comes out April, 2013 (Harlequin Non-Fiction). I announced it here. It will be parenting stories just like this blog but it will be over 75% NEW material. New stories that have never been seen by anyone! (Well, except by my agent and my editor and a bunch of other nice folks who assured me that it doesn’t completely suck.)
I don’t know when it will be available for pre-order yet but I’ll update the blog when I learn more.
Why does Crappy Boy wear a dress?
Is it a dress? I really can’t tell. The pictures are too crappy.
What is your favorite color?
It is red. Are you surprised that it isn’t purple? Purple looks better on me so I wear it more often. But I like red best. And aqua is good too.
What program/drawing tablet do you use?
I use an ancient version of Photoshop. I don’t use a drawing tablet thingy, just the trackpad on my laptop and my finger.
Are those cloth diapers on the baby? What kind?
Yes. We’ve tried a few brands and styles over the years including FuzziBunz, weehuggers, bumGenius, GroVia, Flip, Thirsties and Happy Heinys.
UPDATE: He is actually wearing underwear in the pictures now. The pictures look the same but he hasn’t worn diapers since May 2012.
Can I send you (insert random thing) for you to review/giveaway on your blog?
I don’t do reviews. But I am open and willing to work with brands in other creative ways. You can contact me to chat.
Do you accept sponsors or advertisers?
Yes I do! Here is more info on Sponsoring Crappy Pictures.
If I give you my blog award, will you post about it and pass it on?
Thank you!!! Unfortunately, if I accept and post about one of them I have to accept and post about them all. I’m sorry, I feel like a jerk doing this but I have to make a general rule to not participate in passing along blog awards. Plus, I can’t handle the added stress of having to pick other blogs to give the award to.
I tagged you in a blog Meme/20 questions/whatever thing and you didn’t do it. Why?
See above. Plus, this just isn’t that kind of blog. Sorry.
Can I guest post on your blog?
No, this space is mine, all mine.
In October 2012 I did a special Crappy Collaboration series where I partnered up with other writers. I might do this again. I might not. But either way there isn’t a sign up sheet.
Can you please stop swearing? (variations: I can’t read this to my child because you swear, if you stop swearing you’ll reach a larger audience, I’m unsubscribing because you swore, your swearing offends me)
I’m so sorry you are offended. I swear in real life too so we probably couldn’t be friends. I’m okay with this. I’m guessing that if you are offended by a swear word here and there then there would be a whole lot about me that would offend you. I do not think I’m your type. It’s not you, it’s me.
As for reading to your children, these posts are not written for children, they are written for the parents of children. Sorry if that was confusing.
If I start a parenting blog and draw pictures on it will you think I’m copying you?
If I had a dime for every time someone emailed this question to me I’d have at least three dollars.
Which is a lot, actually, so I might as well address this.
My work might look like caveman drawings, but I assure you, I’m not the first ever human to draw pictures. In fact, as one commentor angrily warned, my drawings “are ripping-off Hyperbole and a Half” anyway. And if you click that link it will take you to the post about people accusing her of copying a slew of other people that also draw pictures. Sigh.
Just follow your heart and write your own words and draw your own pictures and you’ll be okay. You also might want to avoid naming your blog “Illustrated with Crappy Pictures” because then there might be a trademark police smackdown. Or something. I don’t know, I just wanted to write smackdown. (No really, it is trademarked. Back off.)
But seriously, create!
Can I link to your blog or post?
Of course and thank you!
Can I post one of your images on my blog?
Yes, but please don’t use my images without proper credit and a link back.
Will you write a post about (insert parenting thing)?
Maybe. I have two full notebooks of posts ideas that I will be writing. Nobody has yet given me an idea that I don’t already have written down. However, I write best when I go with what I want to be writing about at that particular moment. So I don’t take requests. It just wouldn’t work.
Will you illustrate my parenting story?
I can’t. Believe me, I’d love to, I just don’t have the time. I also don’t think I could do your story justice since I wasn’t there.
I have toyed around with the idea of hosting a contest where I’ll illustrate a story and that might happen someday. Contest happened.
How can I contact you?
Okay, that was only two ways.