Marriage: Sex When I Have A Cold

A few weeks back I had a cold. I was completely congested and stuffed up and…yuck.

This is an actual conversation after Crappy Husband did the nudge, nudge, wink, wink thing at me in the kitchen when I was getting more tissues for my nose.





That little tidbit is not in my soon-to-be-released marriage book.

However, there IS an entire sex chapter devoted to um, our sex life. (There’s even this one detail that my editor wanted me to take out because she thought it was too gross but I asked a few friends and they all laughed until they got tears in their eyes so I figured I had better leave it in.) 

You can pre-order it now through November 17th, 2014 and get a hand-signed bookplate that will arrive before the holidays. Book comes out December 30th, 2014. There is a little more about the book on this page.

How it works…

#1. Preorder today through November 17th, 2014 from the following (logos will take you right to the book)

Amazonlogo      BarnesNoble_logo

bam     Indigo

    Available_on_the_iBookstore_Badge_US-UK_146x40_0824         google-play                 



#2. Then fill out this form.

Offer valid for US & Canada addresses (excl. Quebec). Limited quantities. 

Then you will receive a handy dandy, signed bookplate sticker in the mail in time for the holidays!

Thank you!!



PS – although not eligible for the bookplate, the book is on AmazonUK and also on Book Depository, which offers free shipping worldwide for those of you in far off corners of the world. Thank you!!

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59 Responses to Marriage: Sex When I Have A Cold

  1. Liz says:

    OMG, I could totally see my hubby saying that!

  2. Ashley says:

    My hubby tries to convince me the nutrients in sperm will “help” me get over my cold.

  3. Cathy says:

    Ahahaha!! I have had this exact same conversation with my husband, many, many times!

  4. Kim says:

    This is actually an ongoing issue with my hubby. And it’s worse, because he wants sex any time he’s sick. He’s tried to tell me how the closeness helps him feel better. All I can think is how he’s just trying to get me sick as well, but I give in almost every time.

  5. janice says:

    Hahaha, my response would be to put a clothespin on his nose.

  6. Frances says:

    Actually, what I’ve found is that having sex clears up my congestion, at least temporarily. Still don’t want to if I feel like I’ve been run over by a train, though.

  7. 12tequilas says:

    I can’t be the only one who thought of the Friends episode in which Monica is sick and tries to get Chandler to rub Vicks on her…

  8. Carrie says:

    My husband has said this exact same thing, I swear it! LOL

  9. Deborah says:

    Dang! I wish I could pre-order on Kobo like I did with your other book.

  10. Jane says:

    Oh that is FUNNY! So true. 14 years together and he picks the worst times. I’m 34 weeks pregnant now, standing in our room dressing talking about hemorrhoids, heartburn so bad I can barely bend or lay back, I think I might have a varicose vein in my lady parts or it’s just really swollen and he’s watching me dress and asking if I “want to”! NO! Why on earth after I just told you those things would you think that sex would be on my priority list? Why would you even want to given those details? Go away until February. lol

  11. Kathy says:

    Just wanted to say that I love the cover of your new book. My husband sounds the same way when he’s sleeping on his back, but instead of my hands over my ears, I’m poking him to wake up and turn over. Sometimes it sounds like a helicopter is in our room. 🙂

  12. Joanna says:

    What if I pre-order on amazon.CA?

  13. Samantha says:

    Oh my Lord! My hubby just said that to me this week!

  14. Ginger says:

    OMG that totally sounds like my husband! I cannot wait to read your book, you should come up with a hashtag handle for people who have bought your book. Bc I’ll totally hashtag mine when I do get it!

  15. Oh our sweet… crazy men!! I don’t know about Crappy Daddy but my husband is my worse patient (out of him and my 3 young children)

    He was sick last month a proclaimed (for dramatic emphasis) “I’m so miserable I don’t even want sex!”

    Awesome… store that one in brain… check!!

  16. Holly says:

    I had a similar conversation with my husband the other night. We had baby #2 about a month ago and we are in bed. Hubby in his spot, I’m in mine, new baby nursing in between us and 2 year old on other side of hubby. All in a queen bed, plus 4 cats in various spots. DH rolls towards me and asks when we can have sex again! To which I replied, “um, no!” Then toddler starts repeating sex… Not exactly putting me in the mood, nevermind the baby chewing on my boob!

  17. Gunjan says:

    Pre-ordered!!! yayy!! cant wait to read the book.

  18. Pomme says:

    Ha ha ha!! This is exactly the conversations that take place in my house!

    Upon learning we couldn’t have sex for six weeks after surgery, my husband told the doctor we’d have to see what our dentist said… That was embarrassing!

    He also always uses the shot of protein to shake what ails me.

  19. LilyT says:

    Squeeeeee! Another book by my favorite adult author that I can read with my little ones. Except this one maybe not, lol! Omg i’m going to have to hide something! How to disguise it as office work?

  20. vera says:

    Most common sexually transmitted infection? The cold. Seriously.

  21. Darlene says:

    OMG this is so funny! I wanna get the book just to see what it was the publisher wanted out! Why do husbands think we want them groping on us when we’re sick (course half the time I’m all groped out with three 5 and under…please the most romantic thing you can do is dishes!).

    • Laura Anne says:

      Ha – I just told my husband tonight that the hottest thing ever was when he changed a poopy diaper – not sure he believed me though!

  22. LH says:

    I can totally believe this, haha!
    My husband said once or twice when sick, all I needed was a “shot of penis-cillin” (penicillin) to make me feel better!

  23. Kara says:

    This was me and my husband this week. I didn’t have a voice and generally wasn’t inclined to do much except sleep. Amazing how they aren’t convinced we are disgusting. I don’t think the reverse would be true were he sick!! (He’s a very, VERY grumpy over -dramatic sick person.)

  24. Aaron says:

    A couple weeks ago my wife had a cold and wanted sex. She was coughing a lot and it was making her pee uncontrollably. We were able to do it, but it was pretty gross.

  25. Jen S. says:

    Slightly off-topic here: might you consider offering the option of independent bookstores as an alternative to the big companies in your set of links (

  26. Santana says:

    Do you know why the apple bookstore doesn’t have it up yet? I clicked on the link and it said that it wasn’t available yet.

  27. Daina says:

    hahahaha…every single time I’m sick we have this convo

  28. Elsabie says:

    Can’t get it in the UK 🙁

  29. Walt says:

    Just curious, what retailer makes you the best profit?

  30. mrsmouthy says:

    It reminds me of when I was pregnant and so sick and nauseous and pukey, and my husband would give me that same look. Then he got the flu and after he was done puking I’d go up and snuggle him from behind and say, “So…you wanna do it now?” It felt good, saying that.

  31. Mindela says:

    Love the “nudge, nudge, wink, wink” reference — my beloved is a big Monty Python fan. 😉

  32. Mandy says:

    I cracked up and showed this to my girlfriend Lisa, who laughed until she wiped tears away and said, “Well, I hope Crappy Widow will be well set for insurance money once she murders him!” Romantic overtures during Snotbox Events = asking for cartoon violence in her house!

  33. Christi Gates-Hale says:

    What is that? I’ve had two SOs want to get jiggy while I’m gross and sniffly. No. Go away, weirdo.

  34. Bricia says:

    This JUST happened. Like 2 minutes ago! Also, I was like, your BOOK?!?! thinking you had written another one in secret… Like the first one LOL