Marriage: Illustrated With Crappy Pictures

Hey, I wrote a marriage book! It looks like this:


Actually, that’s just the cover. There are 176 pages included in the real thing.

This is what it says on the back cover:

MARRIAGE: ILLUSTRATED WITH CRAPPY PICTURES provides much-needed laughs about coping with another person’s hygiene habits, cleaning rituals (including their ritual of not cleaning), financial decisions, cooking quirks and everything else that makes your spouse weird and annoying special and perfect in every way.

So what is inside? Stories and illustrations that you have NEVER SEEN. Funny stuff, annoying stuff, gross stuff, infuriating stuff and embarrassing stuff. And good stuff too.

99.9% of the content is brand new. I wish I could say it is 100% new but there is one story that was once published on this blog. I just had to include it. You’ll get an imaginary gold star if you read the book and remember it. That means you are one of the long time readers, yay! (I removed it from the blog many moons ago.)

Three interesting facts that I should mention about this book:

  1. I’m wearing a red dress in this book most of the time. (There is a parenting chapter and the purple dress is worn then though.) So. This means I once owned a red dress before I had kids. Now you know.
  2. I call my husband Crappy Husband in this book rather than Crappy Papa. This is because some of the stories are from before we had kids. Calling him Crappy Papa back then would have been weird.
  3. This book is not for kids. It’s about marriage. I thought the title made that clear enough, but I’m just gonna go ahead and reiterate it. If you let your kid read this book because it has cute pictures and they wind up asking you about monkey sex, that is not my responsibility. Sorry, you are on your own. Good luck.

It is available now!

You can buy it here…

Amazonlogo      BarnesNoble_logo

bam     Indigo

    Available_on_the_iBookstore_Badge_US-UK_146x40_0824         google-play             



Thank you so much!


15 Responses to Marriage: Illustrated With Crappy Pictures

  1. Pingback: Hey, I Wrote A Marriage Book - Illustrated with Crappy Pictures™

  2. Angela says:

    Yay! I can’t wait to read this one. Your last book has given many many laughs during times that I really needed them! I have a 3-year old. That should say it all. Ha!

  3. gemma ogilvie says:

    I’m secretly (or maybe not as i have asked for them) hoping that someone will buy me vouchers for christmas so I can buy this which I discovered a few days ago while searching for your calendar to add to my wish list.

    I am a bit sad I won’t get a name plate though :'(

  4. Andrea says:

    Where’s the link for the “Buy both my books” special???? I’m going to be in the US on the 30th of December (normally live in Europe)…and I’m definitely on this as my gift to myself!

  5. Janelle says:

    I just wanted to send you kisses. So here: kisssssssssses.

    You rock. And I pre-ordered too. 🙂

  6. Tisa says:

    Yay! A book. I’m a long time email subscriber and I really enjoy your writings. Can’t wait for the book, I just preordered my copy from Amazon 🙂

  7. Pingback: Marriage: Sex When I Have A Cold - Illustrated with Crappy Pictures™

  8. Jill says:

    So was that the story about “baring the necessary parts and plugging in”? If so, I love that one and have incorporated it into my life. It doesn’t always have to be a long, passionate ordeal, right? A quickie gets the job done and then you can move on with your day! Love your blog, Amber!
    A fellow Badger with 2 small boys and 2 black cats!

  9. Pingback: I Don't Understand Exercising - Illustrated with Crappy Pictures™

  10. Pingback: How I Met My Husband (wearing only a bra and underwear) - Illustrated with Crappy Pictures™

  11. ann santiago says:

    this book sounds like a real hoot.

  12. Pingback: Happy Holidays & My Marriage Book is Out Today - Illustrated with Crappy Pictures™

  13. Angela says:

    Was so excited to receive my copy yesterday after pre ordering so long ago. Question: was there a name plate option with this pre-order as well? I thought that I had seen that before, but may have been mistaken as I did not receive one for this pre-order. Either way, the book rocks!

  14. Pingback: Is He Ever Going To Marry Me? - Illustrated with Crappy Pictures™

  15. undress vio says:

    Very informative blog.Thanks Again. Great.

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