Husband Vs Wife: Taking Photos

We’re at the park. It is a lovely day and Crappy Papa and I are relaxing on a bench and Crappy Boy and Crappy Baby are playing nearby.

The kids find a bug and they are fascinated by it. They gingerly pass it back and forth between them. There is laughter. There is conversation. There is cooperation and wide-eyed brotherly innocence.

It’s a sweet moment.


I suggest taking a picture to Crappy Papa. He nods in agreement. It really is a sweet and special moment.

He has his phone on him so he digs it out of his pocket and gets ready to take a picture.

But he pauses and says:




He does not have that parent thing where he wants to take gobs of photos of the kids like I do. It doesn’t even occur to him.



To be fair to Crappy Husband, it was a pretty cool bug. 


Posted in Crappy Papa, husband versus wife, marriage | 47 Comments

Watermelon Seeds

We’re in the backyard and the kids are eating slices of watermelon. In the summer, they can devour and entire watermelon in about ten minutes. And not one of those adorable “personal watermelons” either, I mean the big ones.


Suddenly, Crappy Boy looks up in a panic and says:


What is it? Is it a bug?

He rushes over.


A lone, black watermelon seed. A single reminder of the way watermelons looked when I was a kid. Remember how beautiful the dark pink flesh was dotted with shiny black seeds?

I tell them it is a seed, in fact, it is a normal seed. The way they should look.

I’ve always hated the seedless ones. I prefer my fruit to be fertile! The seedless ones with their sad, deflated and pale seeds just seem depressing. Not wrong, but not quite right either. Like mules. I mean, I don’t hold it against them, it isn’t their fault, but I can’t help but feel a little sorry for them.

I haven’t seen a non-seedless one at a market in years.

My kids have never before seen a watermelon seed! This isn’t the way it should be!

So I try to sell the idea. Try to convince them how much better it was back when watermelons had seeds. How people would warn you not to swallow one or a watermelon would grow in your stomach, which of course wasn’t true but it was funny.

The boys are not impressed.

So I try harder.

We had seed spitting contests! In public! At watermelon festivals around the country, people would see how far they could spit seeds. It was a thing.

At the mention of spitting, their ears pricked up.

They stopped eyeing the lone black seed with fear and Crappy Boy tentatively put it in his mouth and then spit it across the patio.

Spitting, for the win!

Now that is the way it should be.



PS: We went to the farmer’s market Sunday with the quest of finding a watermelon with SEEDS. We found several and bought one. Yay! Seed spitting contest in the backyard at noon!

PPS – This awesome fold-out children’s book (that you can drive a toy car through) that I shared on Facebook the other day is getting closer to being funded! I have a feeling many of you saw it and gave a buck or two (or $35 like I did to get a signed copy from the artist) and now there is a chance of it being a success.  So let’s make it happen! (As I mentioned on FB, no, I don’t know the author/artist, I just happened upon the project while surfing kickstarter book projects. My selfish motive is that I want a copy of this book for Crappy Baby and so I want to share about it so that maybe it can get funded.) 

Posted in crappy pictures, food | 42 Comments