My toddler can now go to sleep for the night without me being there. This is new.
So new and novel that I decided to celebrate. By going out with a friend. Her kids have also recently granted her this delicious freedom.
I have not been this excited about going out since I turned 21.
And I'm exactly the same as I was then, right? No way, I'm better.
This is what it was like after I turned 21:
And this is what it is like now after being pregnant/nursing/being pregnant/nursing continuously for five years:
I'm a born again 21-year-old. I can still party. Totally.
So we went out! I had to prove to myself that I am just as cool and hip as I was then.
A competition between the old me and the me now.
I love these competitions because the winner is me.
So. Game on!
When I was 21, I never knew what drink to order. I fretted. I was young and inexperienced and didn't want anyone to notice.
Me, ordering a drink at 21:
And now? Um. I have no idea what drink to order. I fret. I am old and inexperienced and don't want anyone to notice.
Me, ordering a drink now:
So the mystery drink arrives. Tasty!
The game is head-to-head! Let's go to split screen mode.
The 21-year-old me and me now:
Both doing fine!
And after one drink:
See? I'm exactly the same! I can party just like back then.
After two drinks the competition is fierce.
Suddenly, the 21-year-old me pulls ahead:
Having a blast!
Let's check-in on the now me:
A minor setback.
I get defensive. I will not be defeated by sleep.
I have caffiene on my team.
But my resistance is futile. My confidence has been crushed. It is after midnight. My kids will be up soon. And I haven't slept yet. Reality sets in.
I forfeit.
And sleep.
Meanwhile, the 21-year-old me would have still been doing this:
But eventually even the 21-year-old me would end the night.
And sleep somewhere much less comfortable.
Eventually I'd move to my bed. Once I stopped spinning.
And proceed to sleep for 12 hours.
Which is clearly an unfair advantage.
Because now: 
I am woken up after only 5 hours of sleep.
You may think the now me has been defeated.
But not really.
After sleeping for 12 hours and then laying on the couch all day long doing absolutely nothing, the 21-year old me had this pathetic attitude:
But me now? Well, I'm a good sport:
So I totally win.
Yes, the me at 21 would have been dancing on the bar in a sexy dress. The now me has to ask the 17-year old sales girl at the store what I’m supposed to wear with skinny jeans (I mean, do you wear a long shirt? Or a short one? Flats, or high heels?)
The now me doesn’t even pause by the skinny jeans, so you are certainly the winner.
So so true! Awesome post! Love it! Thanks for the giggles.
So true!
Wow, I just did this Saturday night after going to a best freind’s wedding! So timely! haha. I came home at midnight, not because I was tired though, but because I knew the 5 month old would be up to nurse around 2am. And then the 3yr old… up at 5am. But it was the best night I’ve had in a long time!
LOL! Went out this weekend (to a birthday party) without the kids or baby for the 1st time since #3 was born almost a year ago! Had 2 glasses of wine and had to close my eyes while DH drove us home b/c things were spinning! Woke up with a headache the next morning. Glad to know I am not the only cheap date out there 🙂
Ha ha ha!! Ohhhh how true this is!
Thanks for the chuckle 😀
I DO know what I like to drink now. But yes, I come home after one or two drinks and try to get some sleep before my little morning birds start singing…
Win.
I love it! The only difference is that my now pic would show me a month later with a positive pregnancy test.
So how WAS that Harvey Wallbanger, anyway?
I heart you.
I actually caught myself saying the following to my husband tonight while a telemarketer was phoning us “Holy crap! How dare they phone so late? Don’t they know what time it is?” my husband gave me a strange look…..it was 7:30pm….sighhhhhh….my excuse is that I have been up since 4:30am….it has been a long day….
I’m so tired…I’m pretty sure this comment does not even relate to your post…. *staring very confused with bloodshot eyes at computer screen*
; )
LOL! I love it. The 21-year-old body is especially funny/true. 🙂 But so is the mama-stamina. Rock on, you winner!
And when your kiddos get to be teens, you’ll be all “meh. go out again?” 🙂 I swear my kids must think I’m the most boring persoon on the planet.
Oh goodness. You got it absolutely right.
I love the perky boobs on the 21yr old. Lol. I looked at this and sighed remembering when they used to be “up there”. Hahaha. Great post as always!!!
100% accurate. And hilarious. Yes, I also miss my 21 year old boobs… now I have pancake boobs. *sigh*
OMG, that is funny… and unfortunately true. But, on the bright side, you are a cheap date, and you will only need one glass of wine at 2 pm to settle your nerves after your kids fight for a solid hour over some stupid toy no one cared about yesterday.
LOVE! Can’t wait to try this one day. Until then, I’m totally drinking at home.
http://curdsandkimchi.blogspot.com
After I had my first daughter I went out for my birthday. She was four months old at the time. I got home, full on tipsy at 2am. Laid in my bed for 2 minutes and she woke up and I was up with her until 5. It sucked, but I still had an awesome time at my birthday dinner LOL
Ha Ha – Love it!
I have just been invited to a fabulous party and I would LOVE to go (other mommas are attending and popping their sweet babes in our friends nursery where cribs and Moses baskets await). But my cherub (7 months) co-sleeps and I can’t think of what to do with her other than not go. Booo. I want to have a drink out with my droopy boobs too. Other co-sleeping mommies, when did you get to leave the house for the first time at night?
PS
Darling daughter does not think sleeping with just Dad is any good. Dad rocks for playtime and bathtime but mommy is for sleep.
spot. on.
i like how your husband is just laying there peacefully while the babies are all over you.
My husband and I enjoyed our first whole overnight away from the kid at my brother’s wedding. Neither of us had really consumed much in the way of alcohol in years. It did not take much to do the damage. We ended up in bed with a cardboard cutout of my sister and her fiance. I don’t know if that counts as incest.
you’re amazing and living my life. thanks for illustrating it and helping me laugh about it.
That is soooo funny!
Way too funny for words! 🙂
Hilarious and so true!
Tip from a fellow cosleeper: let daddy deal with it, and tell him not to text you. Sleepy babies will eventually sleep. Have fun. 😉
LOL. I had the opportunity to go out once a few months ago while the husband took care of the daughter. I felt like a huge fool though because I could NOT stop grinning almost the entire time…I’m out, having a beer! This is the most amazing thing ever! Why is everyone else not smiling so widely with me…? I don’t care though…it was still awesome. 😀
I feel better knowing there are more out there like me…
I’m glad I’m not the only one who wakes up with fingers in their eyes.
Thanks Ana, we thought that was a good idea about two weeks ago too – let mommy sleep alone and just have daddy (thought it might help with the all-night breast-feeding). We tried it for two nights and then we gave up. She screamed ALL NIGHT with little 30 minute sleeps every few hours from sheer exhaustion. It was horrible. Won’t be trying it again for a while…
I’m so the same. Hubby has promised me a night out and the following morning child free. Also bought me a bottle of champagne to have before going. Lovely thought but if have more than 1 glass of champagne before trying to go out it won’t happen – I’ll be on the floor.
Ha! The ‘now me’ wouldn’t even make it out the door because I have a pre-going out glass of wine (just like ‘young me’ used to) but that glass of wine sends me to the couch rather than gets me all a-buzz. That’s okay, old, motherly me still wins – I’m too tipsy to notice the disaster around me so I end up vegging on the couch without doing any chores – WIN!!!
This post is blog post is hilarious, especially the picture of the kids poking her eyes. Molly, we are also co-sleepers and I’ve had a couple late nights from work where my daughter just had to fall asleep without me. She doesn’t seem to miss me if I’m not there (she’ll fuss but then falls asleep), but if she knows I’m in the house then it won’t happen and she’ll scream like a banshee. You may be able to get out somewhere. They know how to get their way when we are around (my daughter will be 4 next week, 4 years old that is….still co-sleeping and still nursing)
As a side-note, night nursing caused decay on 3 of her teeth, resulting in a crown on one molar and her 2 front teeth had to be reshaped(despite brushing, wiping, etc.)
I thought the same thing, Katie. Nothing like waking up to exploratory facial poking. Often accompanied by the surprisingly shocking, albeit politely quiet, morning voice: “Eyee, Mama, eyee… noce… mouf.” (Although, if they say it a second early, I can sometimes avoid the actual finger!)
I know the feeling.
I love your kids poking you in the eyes while your husband sleeps untouched. Thank you for the laughs.
I love how your 21 year old self had her hand on the wall to stop the spinning. Not that I ever had to do that myself…
It’s hilarious because it’s true. I went out last Friday night dancing and drinking and basically shutting down the club… then I came home and got to sleep for THREE. Whole. Hours. before the baby woke up. Ugh. It was still worth it though.
Dear Amber, I am an art teacher. Your crappy pictures are my favourite art EVER. EVER!
Eek Suzanne, that’s awful about the teeth, that must have been rough on you and your daughter, luckily my baby is still all gums and we hope to move her to her own bed by her first birthday (but we’ll see how that goes) and off the boobie by 18 months (so we can give her a little brother or sister). I’m sure you’re right about not being in the house, but I don’t think I’m brave enough while she’s so little.
Hey!
Just wanted to let you know that all the studies that link night feeding with tooth decay never differentiated between nursing and bottle feeding (even continuous- the kid has a bottle in bed with them)… breast milk is antibacterial, and also is released so far back in the mouth (behind the soft palate) that very little milk is even in the mouth (whereas older babies often have the bottle working like a sippy cup, cause they like to taste it). My daughter has some decay in her front teeth too, and I think it has a lot more with hereditary crappy enamel, a certain bacteria not everyone has called strep. mutans, and diet & drinking water between meals… My daughter is still nursing at night (2 yrs) and even though the decay on her teeth was really moving fast, we’ve stalled it by changing a few things= how often we brush, using xylitol, rinsing with water after we eat, etc… Anyway, I’m sharing this cause I hate to think of mamas stressing and trying to get their kid night weaned when they’d rather not, for fear of cavities… Because I really don’t think there’s any truth to that, and if that’s the case, the night weaning wouldn’t benefit the teeth anyway!
Hey! I’ve co-slept with my 2 yr old since birth… two thoughts about this awesome party… number one: can Dad’s rockin’ play time go really, really late one night? My daughter could always keep herself awake indefinitely, so the few really “worth it” outings we went on without her we just told the grandparents to PLAY ON! number two: do you ever get her down to sleep, for instance, for a nap, and then sneak away? Can she be moved once asleep? Maybe you could “co-sleep” at your friend’s house til she’s good and asleep and then transfer her into a Moses basket and into the sleep room… I know, she’ll probably wake up after an hour or two and be super not happy with the situation… I always feel like “tricking” her like that is not all that nice… but Hmmm… it could buy you an hour or two…
OH and number three. Would she sleep on your back (or your front) in a baby carrier? Or at least be content and let you enjoy yourself? Sometimes just having them right there is more relaxing anyway… I mean, it would be nice if it were relaxing to leave them, but if they really still need you close, and you’re going to be feeling that- worrying or feeling badly for not being there, then keep them close, and you’ll both be happier… my one friend rocked the baby on the back look for over a year, but she didn’t miss out on any of the fun!
Kay, well I’m pregnant, so no going out for drinks… but I did make it out on my own to this REALLY NICE whole foods store the other day… the lighting was awesome, they were playing some great jazz music… I was there for like, an hour. It was so fun. 🙂 Hahaha. 21 year old me wouldn’t even have noticed how awesome it was! WIN!
Ashley, you’re my hero. Awesome suggestions, I’m going to talk to hubbie about the sling and sleep-tricking her at the party. Urgh, I love co-sleeping, but at times like this I almost envy my cry-it-out friends and their sleep through the night babes. This situation certainly does nothing to help them understand why I don’t just let her cry herself to sleep every night “until she learns who is in charge” sigh.
And I’m glad to hear you can leave your little one with your parents and head out to be fabulous at parties. Light at the end of the tunnel…
Ooh! Do I take it you’re no longer co-sleeping? THERE IS HOPE FOR ME YET! 🙂
I love how the 21 year old you is all perky boobs….the now you not so much. LOL!
Every single post you write has me laughing out loud! Thank you!!!!
I agree, if anyone dares to call my house past 8pm they get an ear full from me. How dare they call so late an hour. Do they not know my children just fell to sleep a half hour ago and they are lucky the ringing telephone did not wake them up…….hahaha how fast life changes once the kids arrive.
WAY too funny because it is SO true!!
That’s what I did last week end too!!! and I still haven’t recovered… but I had so much fun! 🙂
I laughed out loud at the fingers in the eyes. So true! Sometimes my hubby will get the toddler up when he’s awake before us and bring him back to bed with us (why, Daddy, why?), and though I’m trying to feign sleep, I can’t help but flinch at every movement, wondering if I’m going to be seing stars from a forcefully misplaced little finger.
Bwa ha ha ha! It’s the little adventures that count!
Oh my, this was so me and a girlfriend of mine not so long ago. She ended up dancing with a handicapped parking sign…while I took pictures. Good times!!
Lol Me too!
Amber, I love you! When did you install cameras in our house so you could write about my life? LOL I swear, we are living the same life 🙂 Thanks for the smiles, laughs, and, sometimes, tears!
My mother’s line has always been “Yes, your life disappears when you have small children, but it will come back – really!”.
I recently realized with some shock that yes, it will come back, but it won’t be a magic time machine – i.e. I will not be 27 again by the time I’ve worked my way through four (???!) toddlers. Sigh :).
Here’s hoping my mad mommy skills will be good consolation – I didn’t want to spend these years in wasted frivolity… right? Right? 🙂
Did you enjoy having a purse that did not have diapers/wipes/snacks/toys?
I left my 1 year old daughter with my husband to go have my first coffee in a year with a friend, and was staring dumbfoundedly at my purse because the contents were- phone, wallet, keys. I got to wear a cute purse. Loved it!
That’s right you do. Totally win. I’m with you.
literally just did this on friday, but i had my sisters-in-law with me on saturday morning to help with baby girl! 🙂
This is absolutley brilliant! I can so relate. I laughed the most at the “next morning” photo, that is what happens in our house; I get woken up and hubby sleeps through.
Oh I love love loved this. I feel the exact same way. Except I would have woohoo’d longer and been more tired in the morning. We’re having a big Halloween Party and my MIL whose taking the kids wants us to pick them up at 8 am the next morning. And she lives 40 minutes away. I’m not too excited.
My wife pointed me to this site. Hilarious. I love the picture of you being gang-waked and your partner sleeping peacefully. Perfect.
Oh how I LOVE Your blog!
I do not co-sleep….but please don’t assume I let my children cry themselves to sleep. There are healthy ways to allow your children to get good, solid sleep through the whole night in their own bed. Both of my babes (one is 2, one is 6 months) have been in their own crib/bed from day one….I exclusively breastfeed….on-demand at night, and follow an eat/play/sleep schedule during the day. My girls naturally fell into a routine of sleeping through the night on their own….not by any force. There are pleasant options out there…..just throwing an opinion out there from the “other” side. 🙂
Haha! I never got to party at 21. I had a baby at 19, and then was pregnant again for my 21 bday:) SO no drinky drink. BUT the hubby and I definitely notice a difference between going out before kids and after kids. We just went to a couples hayride now that baby #2 is a month old, and we were home before 10 and pooped! Gotta love it:)
I LOVE this blog. Even though my babies are now 27, 25, 23, and 20. It makes me laugh so much, and brings back so many gorgeous memories. Don’t worry about the pancake boobies. Peri-Menopause transformed me from fried egg to a grapefruit+ (so long as I wear a nice bra). Despite all the dodgy parenting (especially post divorce with 4 kids under 10) my lot all survived, exceptionally well. Much to my relief! Great work, all you Mums!!
This is the good thing about having a couple of kids – you learn that you are much less breakable than you may have previously thought.
To (limited amounts of) freedom!
I just wanted you to know that your blog is read all the way here in Asia, Singapore! Love it and it keeps me sane in the office! 🙂
Oh. My. You are awesome.
Oh sooo true! I’m blessed with a live in Grandpa that makes nights out not such a big deal, even with my husband…but I’m pretty much down for the count after 2 drinks. And that 5:30 “Mommy! Boob!” call over the monitor comes mighty early…
Had 2 glasses of wine and had to close my eyes while DH drove us home b/c things were spinning!
One common cause of a red eye is straining or coughing. This can lead to a bright red, dense bloody area on the white part of the eye. This is called a subconjunctival hemorrhage. Although this bloody area may appear alarming, it is a fairly common occurrence and of little significance. If you notice a bloody spot in one eye that doesn’t hurt, but just looks bad, don’t worry. It should clear up on its own within a week or two.`’,:
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