Based on the title of this post you might guess that it is going to be about Crappy Boy and Crappy Baby. It isn’t.
The backstory to this post is that Crappy Papa and I watched Kill Bill again recently. If you haven’t seen it, there is a lot of fighting. Like in a good way. Badass fighting by Uma Thurman. She is amazing. I’d totally hit that. (Well, at least if I swung that way which I unfortunately don’t. My swing wasn’t built that way. Sorry Uma. I know you’re crushed.)
Anyway, after I watch movies like this something happens to me. I start feeling badass. And pretending I’m badass. I don’t actually do anything different. I just start fantasizing about having a Hattori Hanzo sword and knowing kung fu.
So I am thinking about how badass I am while I chop a carrot in the kitchen.
Crappy Papa enters.
So I say:
I boldly announce that I’ve always wanted to have a knife fight.
After being together for thirteen years, it is hard to surprise or impress Crappy Papa. He already knows everything about me. But sometimes I try.
He says, “Oh yeah?” incredulously and with one eyebrow raised.
I turn to face him. To look him in the eye and communicate how serious I am.
And then he asks:
He asks me about knife slashing.
He immediately starts laughing and asks:
I scowl at him. He is making fun of me! Can’t he see how badass I am?
Laughing, he says:
You mean I’ve just accidentally admitted that I’ve always wanted to stab someone?
Well, that isn’t badass. That is scary.
Scary IS badass.
So I turn up the scary.
His laughter falters and he slinks out of the kitchen.
No husbands were injured in the real life situation that lead to the making of this post.
Also, this blog won a 2013 Bloggies award for Best Parenting or Family Weblog. Huge thanks to to all of you who voted. Have I mentioned lately how I’m still in awe about the whole “people read my blog” thing? This must sound crazy considering I have a book coming out tomorrow. (Which is even more difficult to believe. Is that really happening? For real, for real? Wow.) But it’s true. I don’t take any of this for granted. You guys are amazing.
Sigh. Nothing in the above paragraph sounded badass at all. I’ve lost it already.
Oh and if you’ve heard others saying they’ve received the book already, yes, one of the retailers accidentally shipped a batch of books out a week early. Some leaked out.<—That’s what she said.