It is hot outside and the boys are thirsty. I fill up two water bottles.
One of them has a red spout. One of them has a blue spout.
They have other water bottles that are “theirs” but these are just random bottles that we have in the cupboard. Both of them have drank out of both of these bottles before, they aren’t even new.
Simultaneously, they complain that they want the color that the other one has.
According to parenting experts on sibling rivalry, this is because of some deep insecurity that I favor their sibling. So you know, it is my fault and stuff. They each must think that the other kid has soda or juice in their cup while they only have water and poison in theirs.
But since they both believe this, it is super convenient!
They can just switch!
I switch them and walk away.
Problem solved.
Right?
Wrong.
(They did eventually figure it out peacefully amongst themselves. All it required was for me to walk away. Amazing how well that works, isn’t it?)
———————–
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My two girls fight like this too. Yesterday it was socks and they were identical.
LOL at the poison in the cup! My kids do the exact same with almost everything.
You are writing about my life once again!
“All it required was for me to walk away. Amazing how well that works, isn’t it?”
YES! I’m just discovering this myself. lol
me, too! This morning my boys were being crazy and would not stop bugging each other. I threatened. I yelled. I counted. Then I realized all I needed to do was close my door so I couldn’t hear them. Came back down to peace on earth… both watching PBSkids. They just wanted to engage me.
Exactly what I’ve learnt!! Having three kids who (for the next 2wks) are all under 5yrs, it’s the only way! Lol – brilliant 🙂
The book I’m reading “Making children mind without losing yours” states to do exactly that -walk away they are only doing it for your attention without an audience a temper tantrum is ineffective .
Poison! LOL. Amazing the similarities. My kids fuss so much over dinner and what we are and aren’t having for dinner, that my husband’s standard answer is: “Cabbage with poison sauce. Just like last night.”
Same with my kids. My husband’s stock answer is “poop sandwich”. They find this both funny and horrifying.
My husband says this too! Funny how kids think we are actually going to feed them such horrible things!
mmmmm poop sandwich.
nice! my usual reply is maggots and monkey brains 🙂
In my worst hag voice, I say we are having “Gruel! Orphanage gruel!!!”
Mayonnaise and something alive. 😉
I tell mine we are having dog food. Our dog gets the yucky wet kind! Lol!
I have three… What sucks is when I walk away, the youngest (age 22 months) begins attacking her older sisters until I come flying back into the room and pry her off of them….
This made me laugh out loud. My 2 year old daughter has started attacking her brothers!
Mine (22 months and 11 months) just attack each other endlessly. I’m finally learning to pick my battles, and pick way less battles at that 😉
Exactly! My 22 month old will full body tackle her 4 year old brother to the ground. Good grief!
You know, I try my hardest to buy all the same color stuff for this very reason. Unless I can find a pink (my youngest’s favorite) or a purple (my eldest’s favorite) because then they know which one is theirs and they don’t sway from their favorites.
I only have the one, and he manages to do this all by himself 😛 He always wants the one toy that’s still in the toy box even when he’s sitting up to his waist in all his other toys, or the pacifier some other kid is sucking on [maybe THAT one is a lolipop in disguise!!]. He’s only 15 months old, so it’s not really bad yet, but I can’t WAIT until he’s 2 or (help me!) 3….
I only have one so far, but he subscribes to the belief that anything tastes better when it comes from Mama’s plate/water bottle/wineglass. (Okay, he’s probably right on that last one…)
Oh yes.. this one. And yesterday I came to the revelation that if I REALLY had a problem with him eating candy, why the *bleep* am I eating it in front of him… or at all?? So I’m going to try to not eat anything that I would have a problem with him sharing… (Wine is different – that’s to help ensure his mental health so he doesn’t get over exposed to stressed-mama.)
Yes why am I eating all this candy, and why have I resorted to hiding in the kitchen to eat it? lol Maybe I should take this advice. Oh and I love it, yes the wine is only to protect the children 😉
This is the real reason we’re still rear facing the car seat at 16 months!
hahah. yes, mine still catches me in the mirror i still have up for him, but i TOTALLY get it!
This is hilarious and oh so true. Thanks for making the annoying and difficult parts of parenting so fun and normal for the rest of us.
The walking away is the plan once this second one is born. It sure works on the tantrums of just one.
Oh no, what am I getting myself into? (20 weeks preggers with #2!)
I am keen on the walking away method!
This happens EVERY DAY in my house. My boys are not twins, but they are still close in age and size and wear the same clothes. So we add bickering over every item of clothing into the mix, too.
Remarkably the bickering disappears when they find a way to get in trouble. Then it’s partners in crime all the way.
Oh, so very very familiar! 🙂
I’ve always told my children that I will pee in the cup they throw a fit about, and then I ask them if they still want that cup…or do they want the cup with the milk in it…even if it it’s NOT the one cup in the house with pink unicorns, fluffy kitties and rainbows. I’ve never had to actually pee in a cup of course, but it does make them think…do I want what’s in the cup or just a cup no matter what’s inside. I know, harsh maybe, but after three kids and years of hearing arguments over the color of a snack bowl, a cup or a plate, and after conversations with my husband about buying all new boring white dishes, I just decided to focus my children on what it is they really want…the cup or the drink inside the cup.
Bahahaa. I love it.
The poison is hilarious and exactly what they act like they believe! In our house it is two bean bag chairs because one is green and one is blue. I had no idea what a huge mistake it was to buy two different colors. I think they fight over them daily and the thing that makes me crazy is that their collective preference for a particular color changes too.
It has just begun in my house. I have a 4.5 year old and a 2 year old. Doesn’t matter what it is. Drinks, books, laundry, blankets, mommy’s hand, bugs, food, all the same. They want it just because the other kid has it.
yes…the color thing. Ugh. I do buy in their favorite colors, but yes sometimes that changes. Or they don’t have their favorite colors so I have to pick random colors and remember who gets which. Then there is the fact that the little one in an effort to become his big brother, changes his favorite color to the same as his brothers favorite. Then they argue about that. And if I buy items in the same color- I am constantly asked – is THIS one mine? For a while – pretending to look at something on it and saying yet worked. But then later I was asked how I knew. It keeps evolving. Good luck!
Yep, exactly. Keeps evolving.
As a mother of twin 2 yr old boys, that is a daily occurrence at our house. However, we even do this with light switches (turning on & off), fan buttons (off & on), faucets, who gets to lift the trash lid, which bed they’ll sleep in, which car seat, which side of Mama they get to sit next to on the couch, etc. I could go on, but I think you get the picture.
I totally destroyed the peace in our house by getting “fun” plates and cups with animals and characters. We finally sat down, sorted out the what’s whose and wrote their names on them. I’d still rather throw them all away and get plain ones so they can’t fuss about which of their own plates or cups they want to use for dinner. Grr.
“Oh Crap Potty Training – Because no diapers = more money for booze.”
That’s my kinda company.
I run an in-home daycare. I have a bunch of plates that have dividers like lunch trays. All are pink except one, single blue one. Somehow the lone blue plate has become the most coveted item in my house.
as a kid, we had that one lone bamboo-sytle-handled fork – rule was, whoever set the table, got to choose who go that coveted fork – he/she who did the chore usually got the reward!
That is clever!
Working at a preschool several years ago it was the dreaded blue chair I actually just sat on the chair myself just to stop the fights I knew were forthcoming and said it was ” Teacher’s Chair” it worked
My brother and I used to fight over who pushed the elevator buttons, who put the top on the Christmas tree, etc… and he figured out how to always win because he’d say “it’s my turn, because we fought last time and you let HER do it.” It worked every time. I think I just wanted to be “big” like him and he just wanted to thwart me at every turn.
Anyway, now I’m a grown woman and I still do this with my husband’s food when we go out to eat (I always just want what he ordered, though, not the plate itself… is that any better?)
I have a younger brother and sister. My parents solved the tree topper issue by writing years and kids’ names on a piece of paper and placing it into our angel topper. That way every year we could look at the paper to see whose turn it was to top the tree. Dad would lift that kid up, with the angel in hand. Wala. Brilliant solution.
Yep. As kids my sister fought over so many of these things: elevator buttons, cups, who would get to sit in the front seat of the car, etc. We finally came up with a solution. On even days of the month she had priority and on odd days I had priority. This solution would probably only work with older children, but it was magic for us. The agreement applied to everything and a majority of the bickering ceased. We even worked out triads on occasion. Now, if only you could reason like this with a toddler.
they gotta learn one or another to work things out on their own.
water & poison vs. juice – which sippy cup is which? – reminds me of the poison scene in The Princess Bride: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U_eZmEiyTo0
so funny!
I have 2.5 yr old twins and they learned the word trade when they were about 1.5. It has worked out well. Every now and again one will ask the other to trade a toy. Now, it doesn’t work all the time but i will take some of the time.
You are so funny. I’ve been reading your blog for quite a while. It’s one of only 2 blogs I follow. And the other one belongs to my sister. So you must be good. 😉 This is the 1st time I’ve commented. My kids are older (like teenagers and pre teens). We love your blog and sometimes I read it to them. It takes me back to those days when they were younger and I remember how it was. Keep up the great work. Also I was wondering if you could update your “real” picture? I’m curious what you and the boys look like now. Since I’m sure they are older. Thanks.
It wouldn’t be very interesting yet, their hair is a couple inches longer. And they might be a couple inches taller. But that is all that has happened in the 8 months since we took that photo. We all look the same!
OK, well maybe in another 8 months or so. Thanks for replying.
So funny and true!
In our house it is always toy fights, though I’m sure if we had fancy plates like you all mentioned it would happen too. Glad we don’t have any!
HA HA!!! Always works this way doesn’t it. I have a son and daughter who are 13 months apart and they compete over everything. EV.ER.Y.THIIINNNNGGG!!! BUT, I actually remember reading somewhere that competitiveness between siblings is a GOOD thing, and that it’s a sign of high self esteem!! 🙂
ages 5 and 3, boys – have often left these decisions between them – “I wanted red!” – “well, you’ll have to talk to your brother, see if he’ll switch. Use your nice words, and maybe he will. It’s up to him.” Walk away.
Realizing this has only worked because the younger has ALWAYS been enamored with his older brother, and shares EVERYTHING if given enough quiet time to think about it… lucky, I know. Doesn’t always work in reverse.
Love it when they work it out themselves. Score one for walking away!
I recently met a mom with 14 year old identical twin boys. As babies, she dressed one in red and one in blue to tell them apart. But, by the time they were little boys, it really wasn’t necessary anymore. But the twins can’t shake the habit. The “red” twin will wear any color but blue and vice verse for the other one. On the track team, one has compression shorts with a blue stripe, the other red. It’s so cute.
I have the opposite problem. With 6 and 7 yr old girls, the older one ALWAYS gives in to what her little sister wants. The toy, the socks, what to watch, which cup. Just to keep her happy. I have to step in and stand up for her sometimes.
We have some plastic cups that we’ve brought home from a restaurant. To avoid any fighting whatsoever, we only have Red Lobster cups. Lucky me, I got to hear the fight over who got the one with a brighter picture.
hahahaha. this has happened to me. great job dishwasher. you did this to us!!!
My children have fought over picking up litter on a hike “he has more garbage than I do” and the dust you can see in a sunbeam shining through a window “he has more dust than me” which was not only ridiculous but also made think I needed to dust more often.
Thanks for introducing me to Oh Crap Potty Training. I might give that a shot.
Lol good luck with the crapshoot!
Oh, thank God! I was beginning to think I was the only one who favored one child over another (as evidenced through the “I want whatever you haven’t given me” outbursts).
Can you believe I have ONE child and she still manages this dialogue BY HERSELF???
One day I found my girls physically fighting over something. “I want it” ” no I want it” they were yelling. I couldnt see any toy so asked them what they were fighting about “The calendar” they replied. I still can’t see anything and have no idea what they are talking about so I ask where it it “It’s invisible”. Yep they even managed to both want something that doesn’t even exist!
That’s when I would just maturely pry the cups out of their hands, throw them to the floor and walk away… yelling for them to figure it out… LOL
Sibling rivalry can be fixed by walking away? Seriously? I’ve actually been looking around for advice on how to handle sibling rivalry. It’s recently come up between my two and five year old but I always step in. Then not even five minutes later they’re at it again. It’s not horrible but I just hate it when they fight. And it’s the exact same fight you just described, too.
So walking away works? Or might work? ….I’m going to have to try this. Thanks!
I feel your pain. My sons are five and six – 17 months apart – and EVERYTHING is a battle between them. I’m told they’re grow out of it…. I haven’t tried the “just walk away” method though. Worth a shot!
Yes, walk away when the fight ain’t critical.
The kid/s are busy developing conflict resolution skills. If grown ups keep stepping in, the kids don’t get a chance to test out their own ideas about conflict resolution – the fights to pick, the fights to turn to physical fight (physical bravery/diplomacy), the fights where words can turneth away wrath (verbal diplomacy/communication).
The best adults can do is be a good example when the little sods apply their knowledge to you. Much much harder to do. I’m a dreadful pushover when 17mo reaches for the food on my plate, puts his foot onto the dining table, does the naughty stuff to get any attention.
oh yes the plain-ol’-water when the other has sugary goodness. ha. i’m so mean. what would our children do in remote villages in Haiti??? i love that the boys are whiny face before the first switch, and evil before the second. they are so my boys. 🙂
Our little girl is an only child so she happily would eat or drink whatever we gave her till we went to visit my wife’s brother who has a daughter the same age (20 months). We have very different opinions about feeding our children. For the first day our little girl was happy with her normal water and plain organic cheerios, but on the second day the girls started feeding each other. Our girl put a plain cheerio in her cousin’s mouth and she spit it out. Then she put a honey nut cheerio in our daughter’s mouth and her eyes got all big and she dropped her little container of little organic cardboard-tasting O’s. She followed her cousin around like a puppy dog collecting whatever she dropped and would go digging in her stroller cushions to find any lost morsels of sugary goodness. It was a little sad. Now she doesn’t really trust what we give her. She wants to eat off our plates, even though we are all eating the same thing, and if we are ever anywhere where other kids are eating, she always tries to steal what they have. She is usually right, their food is usually more exciting.
This was hilarious, but what I love the most is your use of a half circle to show angry eyes. They make me giggle!
Oh children. I don’t deal with this much at home cause of the large age gap between my little ones, but in the classroom it’s ridiculous! We have the IKEA plates/cups that are all different colors, and we regularly deal with little boys crying over not getting a dark blue cup. Sigh. The lesson that life isn’t always fair starts with plastic dinnerware…
As an only child, I grew up living next to two sisters who were like family to me. I watched them fight over who had more juice in their cup, more chocolate chips in their cookie, and on and on!
I got to go home and have as many cookies as I wanted! Ha.
That sounds exactly like my two kids … luckily we had some spares I found.
I stole a great phrase from a friend: “you git what you git and you don’t throw a fit!” 🙂 Or else I just take it away and tell them they don’t get anything (which I don’t really mean but I’m great at bluffing!).
When my brother and I would have similar battles, we usually ended up asking my mom something like: “How come Bruce got a blue water bottle and I didn’t?”
Eventually her favourite reply of choice was: “Because I like him better than you.”
As in, ask a stupid question, get a stupid answer. Still haven’t had the courage to use this one yet, now that I’m a parent.
my boys would do that too, but only because they’ve worked out a system to delineate their territory (toys/cups/clothing, etc). My oldest is red, my youngest is blue, green is a neutral color so if red is not available then the oldest becomes green, and if blue is not available then the younger can become green. If you try to give them the “wrong” color they will let you know, and switch amongst themselves. However, all hell breaks loose if there is only yellow and orange available. . … . . .
It is amazing how they work it out it out if we aren’t around….it is like they are putting on a show….
“water or poison.” LOL