I recently mentioned on Twitter & Facebook that Crappy Boy was pretending to be a robot. This is that story…
It is morning, just after breakfast and Crappy Boy climbs into the big, empty cardboard box that is still sitting in the dining room. It has been sitting there for at least two weeks and I keep meaning to take it out to the recycling bin. If it sits there any longer we’ll all just stop seeing it and assume it is part of our house. This happens.
Anyway, he climbs in and then tells me to open the box.
I open it and he stiffly stands up:
And tells us that he is a robot. In a robot voice.
He explains that he is the robot we ordered and he was shipped here in the box.
I ask him where he is from and he replies:
Crappy Papa and I start laughing. He doesn’t flinch or break character for a moment. Even his arms remain stiff and robotic. Which makes us laugh even harder.
We question him further and discover that he will follow simple commands, like “Robot, go pick up that toy.” And he does it.
I like this robot.
He also has a multitude of buttons. One button makes him do a robot dance. One button makes him speak in beeps. One button makes him speak English. One button makes him say “poop” over and over. Crappy Baby presses the “poop” one.
Oh, and one button reboots and resets him.
We are particularly interested in that one. He assures us that it is working.
And we soon put it to the test. We ask him to wash his hands and he doesn’t want to. He even breaks character for a moment:
We press the reset button on the center of his chest. He stops complaining, mid-sentence!
He shuts down:
He is silent and in “off” mode for a few moments.
And then he reboots:
And is good as new!
So we repeat the request as a robot command:
And he does it!
It works!
And it continued to work all day long. Even the bedtime routine requests were followed. “Robot, brush your teeth” and “Robot, put on your pajamas” and all of it! It was magical. And also hilarious.
After the Robot was asleep, Crappy Papa and I talked about him. I asked:
And he replied:
Unfortunately, the robot has already left the building. According to Crappy Boy, he had to go back to Mexico for repairs.
I’m not sure when he is coming back, but at least I now have an excuse for that big cardboard box still sitting in my dining room.
—————–
PS – you may notice my blog has moved from typepad to CrappyPictures.com and got a little facelift. Thanks to the magic of foliovision, all the content and comments were moved over and all I had to do was bite my nails and worry. But I’ve been doing that for years so it was nothing new.
LOL I so wish my little robots came with that reset button or a sleep button!
Hey, Amber I hope you get this comment. Love all your stories.
HAHAHA! Until he’s 18! =) xoxo A-
This is the best thing EVER. Just saying. Sorry the robot had to go get repaired!
I’m waiting for you to put the magical box on eBay for us all to bid on…
We STILL have it. It has been decorated with markers now so probably worth lots of money.
OMG thank you! Hilarious & I needed a laugh!!! <3
LOL LOL love it, one of my favorite posts, yet.
geezuz! i was just told about your blog this morning after posting your target picture and MUST know the story behind “Crappy” this and “Crappy” that! 😀 hee! thanks for making me smile “Until he’s 18” we will cross all our paws over here for ya!
No story, except that it all began with crappy pictures.
Was there a snooze button? I’ve always wanted one of those on my kids.
How can I order my own robot? Do you think it works for a 8 week old?
I was going to ask the same thing, Krisi! I have a nine month old, and I’d love to have some sort of “change your own diaper” button. : )
Be careful what you wish for! Once they can get that diaper off there can be quite a mess! lol
Those are the true parent moments to love and enjoy!! Hope your robot comes back sooner rather than later!
Like the new look!
Too cute! The new page looks great! 🙂
My crappy baby would also push the poop button. Over and over again.
I wish my son would try this. Maybe he is open to suggestion…
If he’s still into robots and you have Netflix – S2, episode 7 of Yo Gabba Gabba. We sing the Robot Song every day.
I love this blog! Love the facelift! This one is almost up there with the “Dumper” one that continues to be my favorite! I have a 3 yr old boy & 6 yr old girl so I can relate! Keep em comin’ crappy mama! 🙂
Just goes to show that all you really need is a big cardboard box and a good imagination. Kids are awesome.
LOL!!! My daughter had her robot moment a few months ago. Complete with: “Shake. My. Robot. Hand.” and didn’t even break character when she passed gas. Simply said (still in her robot voice): “Oops. I. Made. A. Whisper. Toot.”
Whisper toot!
That is so funny. I think it might be a boy thing. My son went through a robot phase. It was much longer than one day (about 6 months), but it wasn’t nearly as good as yours at doing what it was told. It’s been about 12 years and we still laugh at it. Can’t wait until he brings a girl home!
Sometimes aliens come and replace my children. When this happens, they are amazingly well-behaved. In fact, we can always tell when the aliens have invaded, though we are never sure why they leave to go back to their own planet….
So Cute! I love it!
this is awesome. if Crappy Boy Robot returns, you must teach it how to operate the coffee pot….
Yes, I wonder how programmable he is.
You have to watch that coffee pot one, though. I got tired of my parents ALWAYS asking me to make a pot of coffee. I was already ticked and then my mom asked me to make a pot of coffee. I put in 10 scoops! It was awhile before they asked me make another pot of coffee.
Love the new blog! Oh, and my 4 year old DS does that, but in cat version. It’s so funny, but lots of stuff gets done. Too bad he can’t talk as a cat. The “mews” are often hard to interpret, but at least he brushes his teeth and all that. 🙂
An obedient cat! Cute.
Here’s how it works in our home:
Me: “DD, please take out the compost.”
DD: “NO!”
Me: (singsongy voice) “Oh Laura and Carrie! The chickens need to be fed and their eggs collected, please take these containers, dump them in their feed and then bring them back in with the eggs in them!”
DD: “OK Mama, C’mon Carrie…” tromp, tromp.
Compost out. Booya.
Little House magic? Awesome.
My 3 year old: “I am a space bo-rot.” Said in robot voice and often with a cardboard box on his head. And whenever he pretends to go anywhere, it’s always to Mexico. Maybe our kids are friends.
“bo-rot” is cute! My son initially said “roDot” and the little one still says “ropop”.
Love the story! Love the new blog! And already checked out one of your sponsors and loved their site!
LOVE that he has a ‘reset’ button. That is awesome.
Love this! Also, love the new look. I would love to know more about foliovision. I will click on it 🙂
Jenna
callherhappy.com
Brilliant. I might have to steer my nearly 4 year old son in the robot direction so he too can have a reboot button.
I just want to know what kind of a warrantee this robot from Mexico come with! Very funny. My kids would rather play with a big empty box than anything else.
You must thank Crappy Boy for this awesome idea! I am headed down to the basement to find a box!
I wiped my feet before entering your shiny new blog! Love it.
My daughter went through a Cinderella phase. She wanted me to play along and told me that I was the evil stepmother, so I made her scrub the floors.
Ha!! 🙂
Hilarious! I love the line “If it sits there any longer we’ll all just stop seeing it and assume it is part of our house.” This is exactly what happens with boxes in my house as well. Good to know I’m among friends. 🙂 love the new website!
update: it worked! It worked! Just asked my two-year-old DD to throw out her banana peel in trash, she ignored me. I figured, “what the heck” and said “oh robot-girl please throw it in the garbage” and she marched to it right away! you are my parenting goddess.
really talanted kid you have there!
oh, and cardboard boxes…we have them in our living room too, can stay there for weeks, months…
LOVE the robot! Your robot is a much better robot than mine. Mine goes “back to Mexico” within about 5 minutes.
Luv this and luv ur blog! Have u read the book “not a box”? A favorite at our house 🙂
Your blog adds a lot of laughter to my week 🙂 This story was hilarious. I can’t wait until my little man is born so we’ll have stories of our own.
I need to get my 4-year-old son interested in robots, stat!
Love the new look! If I lived in your area, I’d definitely be a sponsor 🙂 Hope you get paid tons of money to write your blog!
I just love how acurate your facial expressions are with such a minimalist style, the crappy pictures truely are gold!
Especially all that hope in your face at the ideal of robot behaviour till 18 years old, so much blind happy hope, fabulous.
I have a two year old who loves to help without becoming someone/something. I guess I’m blessed that way but not as funny as your little ones.
I’m hoping mine will do something funny enough to write about. Mostly he whines. And watches trains everyday. And plays with trains everyday. I know one day he will turn into a train just like our parents told us would happen to us if we did something too much for too long. 😉
By that token, my 4-year-old should have turned into a train about six months ago.
My son liked to play dead for awhile. It didn’t get him to brush his teeth, but he was quiet and still for a while.
I like still and quiet. I might try and see if I can get mine to play dead…
My kids have never gone through the robot phase. Sounds like fun. 🙂
We had a robot that lived in our son’s room for about 6 months – off and on, of course. That robot was AWESOME! He didnt have a reboot button – he had an OFF button and a volume control knob! And he would stay off for almost 10 whole minutes before he turned into a boy again. He followed instructions to the letter, never talked back, and ate whatever robot-food was on his plate.
I miss that robot.
I’m lucky my 19 month old is in that *helping* stage, not looking forward to when she grows out of it. Fantastic post as usual. Thanks 🙂
Awesome, what a great imagination 🙂 My two boys have both gone through the robot phase and I still remember my little brother doing it all.the.time only about 30 years ago LOL
OH MY GOODNESS. That is AWESOME. I LOVE it. What a clever crappy boy you have! He sounds like a lot of fun. I think he’d get along with my son…they could be very imaginative together!
Oh, and I want to mention, AGAIN, I love love love love your blog. It makes me happy. Your experience of parenting seems very similar to my own: exasperating and rewarding and exhausting and hilarious, and fun. And tiring. Did I mention tiring?
But my son is pottying by himself currently, and my daughter is playing happily and independently. So thanks for being my five minute adult break (because it shan’t last…it shan’t).
K
I’ve always wished for a mute button…
Oh my goodness, I wish my five year old would do the robot routine! LOL
That’s awesome! All I have is a puppy who licks me and sneaks outside to fetch sticks. lol I need this robot!
That is just too cute! I will tell this story to my son to see if I can get him to be a robot…..it can’t hurt to try! ;-D
love the new website!
How young is too young to put your kid in a box and tell them they’re a robot we bought from mexico that follows all our commands? Perhaps if we brainwash them from a young age (my rascal bub is 7 months) they might still believe it when they’re 18!!!
my robot kid sux. he runs out of fuel all the time, and makes me replace it, which never works “i. am. still. broken/empty/need recharging.” which means that i have to put more fuel in, try the batteries, stick him on the charger…i really just want to treat him like he’s a regular appliance, and kick him.
I love you! Why do you have my life? 😉
Nice facelift. Looks great. I could use a robot or two over here. I may need to buy something with a box just to get the idea planted.
Thank you for the laughs and making me feel normal and not guilty about things sitting around! Loved this, ” It has been sitting there for at least two weeks and I keep meaning to take it out to the recycling bin. If it sits there any longer we’ll all just stop seeing it and assume it is part of our house. This happens.” HA!
I love everything about this post! too funny!
So, I totally started to type “Love the new facelook..” I’ll just leave it at that.
Also, where can I place my order for the robot?? I would like to order ten. You know, just in case I need more than the two for my kids. 😀
My younger son went through a phase when he was Batman, and he wouldn’t answer to anything but Batman. When he wouldn’t eat his veggies, I would tell him that Batman had to eat them so that he can take on the Joker–and it worked!
My now 13 year old daughter was a wolf for a while. She would explain why she couldn’t get up in the morning because she was so exhausted from her travels as a wolf. And it was top secret.
My 7 yr old daughter and I just read the post and all the comments. We giggled a lot- mostly in all the same spots! At one point I stopped and asked her if she would be a robot and she said “You’ll just have to wait and see. I’m getting ideas from this”.
We both love your blog and it’s new look.
(This message was approved by my DD)
I think we all need a robot day now and then, especially when it’s time to do the laundry or prepare taxes.
Two facelifts in one day! Seriously my mom just called to say she can’t watch my son this thursday because she got a neck tuck! What the fuck. She is a poor suburban woman. And now my favorit blog is unfamiliar. I guess I’ll adjust.
Great post.
I’d be thrilled to have robots with “mute” buttons. I’m hoping my 3 yr old hits a similar phase soon. Her 2 yr old sister would immediately imitate it…
Does the robot come with an instruction manual? If so, could you email it to me please???! 😀
Hahaha, crappy boy is hilarious. love your blog and your new look!
I would gladly pay for Crappy Boy to come to Germany to teach my four-year-old Wild Child how to become this robot. You have a money making scheme on your hands, here, my dear. Parents would pay for this!! 😉 Must. stop. drinking.so.much.coffee.
OMG!! I *HAVE* the try this with my toddler, we have loads of boxes at the moment……..
Thank you again!
Ours is a Spy Kid! Is your son old enough for that movie yet? My son has woken up every morning for the past three weeks saying, ‘Morning Momma. Remember, I’m a spy kid today.’ As long as I say, ‘Hey Spy Kid, go (do something).’ he does it. We even get to tell him ridiculous things like, ‘Dude, Spy Kids ALWAYS eat their green beans. How do you think they get so fast?’ I swear it’s like cheating at being a parent.
Am I the only guy that reads your blog and thinks you are funny? I look forward to Crappy Pictures twice a week. I’m going to introduce the Robot Boy concept to my 3 year old grandson, large box and all. I’ll let you know if it works.
I sure wish my 7 yr old came with robot buttons, lol. However, I am certain that my own crappy baby would push every button all at once and robot would malfunction, lasting only 5 mins or so, lol
Now THAT is one creative little robot! Imagination is awesomely sweet, ain’t it? I hope he returns from repairs soon.
Too funny! It is amazing how smart they are – once he figured out he didn’t want to follow your every command, he shipped the character back to Mexico! He is one smart cookie!
Haha. I bet when he told you the robot was sent back for repairs, in your head you were thinking, ‘But he was working so great for me!!’
Good story. The only thing that could make it better would be Crappy Baby doing an impression of Crappy Boy. “I’m a robot too, mama! Tell me obedient things I can do!”
I want a ROBOT too! Thats great!!!!!!!!! (:
Amazing! You have given me massive inspiration to NOT throw away things that are currently sitting on my couch in hopes to saving money on toys and in hopes to having one of these magical robots…however my baby boy is only 6 months, my hubby might find saving boxes and such for 5 years a bit excessive. However in the mean time, I’ll stay lazy and not worry about it until it’s brought up.
Love the new look! What a great robot for the day! Made me laugh too 🙂
Hilarious! I need to get my kids to learn obedience games!
I wish all children came with a reset button. That would totally rock.
A friend introduced me to your blog recently by sending me a link to your “Uppers & Downers of Parenting” post. Finally someone admits it!!!!! I laughed so hard I nearly peed my pants (then again I birthed two children, so peeing my pants daily is somewhat like breathing for me).
Your blog has become my favorite daily guilty pleasure. Thank you for sharing your hilarious view of parenthood. I sure wish your blog had been around during my early parenting years when I was scrubbing barf out of the carpet trying not to barf myself or when I was silently cursing my son while scrubbing poop out of yet another pair of cartoon character underwear. I nicknamed him Scooby Poo.
I cannot wait to read what you write next!
This one brought back such great memories. My little brother did the exact same thing!! It was so cute… He would also sometimes be ‘broken’ – he would just go completely limp and wouldn’t move for anything – you’d have to push the special reset button so he wouldn’t be broken anymore (or tickling him worked too. haha)
HILARIOUS!!! My son used to pretend he was a robot too! I got a good laugh from this post! Little kids are so freaking funny!!!
Your storytelling is so good that I was able to reenact the whole post to my husband yesterday. HAHA!
My daughter (nearly 6 now) did the robot thing once in a while too. While never overly obedient, it was a great learning tool while learning syllables. I would tell her to “say it like a robot” and she would robot voice the word into proper syllables. Worked great! LOVE the blog btw 🙂
Love it. And I would love a robot son here even for just one day.
Ahhh…this is why my rss reader didn’t pick up your posts! It changed locations. Updated! My nephew was a robot for quite some time but instead of doing what was instructed, he just repeated “I. Am. A. Robot.” over and over again. Lamest robot of all time. I like yours much better.
lolll!!! I actually remember doing something very similar to this as a child. But I had a computer mouse, with the cord tucked into my clothes, and the adult had to press the buttons on the mouse in certain combinations to signal the commands xD
Empty boxes in our house risk getting turned into something. When my son was 3ish he insisted we cover an empty diaper box in foil and then we put ‘buttons’ and ‘screens’ on it and cut arm holes and he wore it and acted like a robot.
We went to Michael’s that day.
He wore it around the store.
Like a good mom I took pictures. I figured it was ok because we were in a craft store, they’d appreciate his artistic vision.
For a long time now I’ve been thinking, “This woman is living my life. Or maybe it’s the other way around. Or maybe she’s living in my head. Or maybe she’s planted cameras all over my house! (I’m a little obsessive.) Then you wrote about biting your nails. So, I ask you…. Who are you, and where have you hidden the cameras?!” Seriously. Thank you for making me laugh (so hard) at my own life. You rock. Or, I rock…. this is tripping me out.
Love your blog. The funniest thing happened though… the day after reading this post my 2 1/2 year old daughter was playing and suddenly started acting like a robot too… to the best of my knowledge she had never done so before and I hadn’t been talking to her about robots or anything. She too followed instructions much better than normal, but unfortunately I don’t think her model comes with a reset button. Lol. It was a very funny coincidence!
Hi Amber,
I love your blog! However, since you moved to crappypictures.com the feed on google reader has only the first couple of lines… I know you can somehow set that so that the feed downloads the whole entry (have no idea how, I don’t have a blog, but I have asked others and they have done it in their blogs). Please do that so I can read your awesome blog on the train, with no internet…
Thanks!
–Yael
Agreed! It would be great to see the whole post in Google Reader again.
I *just* realized that your blog wasn’t showing up in my Reeder app on my iPhone! Sadly the feed didn’t update when you changed your domain name over, so I had to actually use my brain to remember something instead of my phone remembering for me.
Happily this meant that I was able spend the last 45 minutes catching up on your posts and procrastinating on my work day. Thanks for the distraction and glad to see you’re still posting!!
sooooooooooo funny. we also have a robot on occasion (4 yrs and female)… I’ve never thought to give her commands. I’ll have to try that next time. (I read all of CB’s robot words in my DD’s robot voice)
“If it sits there any longer we’ll all just stop seeing it and assume it is part of our house.” Love!
OMG, I’m on mat leave right now with my 5 month old daughter and discovered your blog about 4 months ago…. You are the best blogger ever!
This story is my favorite so far. Hilarious.