Valentine’s Day

Happy Valentine’s Day!

I remember Valentine’s Day back in elementary school. Like around 3rd grade. Decorating shoe boxes with paper doilies and glitter. Staring at the boxes of cards at the store, trying to decide between Snoopy and Garfield. And those little windowed boxes of chalky conversation hearts! Those were the good old days.    

If you are a girl person, you probably remember reserving the very best, most special Valentine for a particular kid in your class:

Valentine3
You simultaneously hoped and feared he’d notice

And after the exchange, you analyzed the ones you received from everyone.

Some of them were surprising:

Valentine4

While some of them were dissappointing:

Valentine5

(Danny clearly didn’t like me if he gave me such a generic card.)

Either way, you gingerly tucked them back in the box and kept them in your closet for twenty-five years. (No, I don’t really have them still. But I did hang onto them for a year or so. Which is basically twenty-five years when you are seven.) 

However! 

If you are a boy person, you probably remember getting some candy:

Valentines6
And well, that is about it. Although your mom might remember picking out which Valentine goes to which kid. (Dear Danny’s mom – Why did you give me the “You are super” card? Was I not a suitable match for your son? I am still deeply offended. Unless he is in prison now or something. In which case, thanks for helping me dodge that bullet.)

But all of that was eons ago. Back to the present…

Crappy Boy has a few friends who are girls. One of them in particular is really fond of him. 

Her reaction to him is like this:

Valentines1
And I’m only exaggerating a little. I drew 13 red hearts floating up to the sky from her head while last time I saw her I only actually counted 10. Close enough. She loves him. 

So the other day, I asked him what he thought of her. And this is what he said:

Valentines2
And that is all you really need, isn’t it?

Oh yeah, context would be helpful here, right? They both love poop jokes. They like to insert “poopy” in front of just about any word and then giggle endlessly about it. They even dance around and sing silly songs about poop.

Which means they are pretty much identical to Crappy Papa and me.

Having someone you can have fun with? Yep. Pretty much all you need. 

(Happy Valentine’s Day, Crappy Papa. If you give me a “You Are Super” card tonight I will put my sad face on. Unless it is accompanied by irony and a box of chocolates. Then I’ll know you really like me.) 

This entry was posted in crappy pictures, five, holidaze, poop. Bookmark the permalink.

132 Responses to Valentine’s Day

  1. Kristina says:

    Love it!! Last year my son (then in 2nd grade) made his own Valentines. One said, “You’re my 2nd favorite kid in class!” Lol!!! They were all heart shaped and the cute girl got the biggest one.

  2. Amanda Reed says:

    LoL! This is so true… I remember how hard it was in school to make sure each kid got a valentine that actually made sense for that kid, but it was harder when we were young. So many of them said mushy things. They’ve made it easier now. They are more friendshippy and less Be Mine.

    On a side note, I got 74 points for the word Poop, properly placed, in a game of Words with Friends a couple of days ago. My husband was so proud.

  3. Sabrina says:

    I love that Valentine’s Day is a kids holiday again… I hated the pressure we were under when we were just a couple! Happy Crappy Love Day!

  4. Karrie says:

    This is great! As I was helping our daughters decorate their Valentine’s cards yesterday I told my husband my reaction to the ones we’d got as kids in school (which was just. like. yours.) and my husband asked; “REALLY?” and looked at me like I had two heads and one of them was speaking french. HIS reaction to Valentine’s was just as your described. Ha! You totally nailed it! Hope you have a wonderful Valentine’s Day!

  5. dad of 10 says:

    Crappy Papa and me. :)

  6. Kate says:

    Love this little story. My husband and I have been together for 34 years (and three daughters – but that’s another story…) and it has all been based on having a good time with each other and laughing. A lot. The only wrinkles on my face are laugh lines, and I love them. I told our daughters “find someone who makes you feel special, treats you with respect, and makes you laugh, because laughter is what gets you through the hard parts” Happy Valentines Day to the Crappy family!!

  7. LOVE IT! <3 Thanks for a great post!

  8. Alexandra says:

    Love this!! I was just reminiscing about that school valentines this morning. In fact, when I was completing my son’s cards the other night, I was extra-careful to ensure the girls only received the “you’re cool” or “have a supercharged day” variety. He’s 4. I’m going to be a terrible mother-in-law, aren’t I?

  9. Elisa says:

    That was so cute!!

  10. Betsi says:

    Bahahaha!! I needed no explanation on the poop comment. I have four boys and it’s the #1 most used word in our house! And I too remember laboring over who got what cheap, folded card. I mean you didn’t want icky Eric to get the “I’m bananas for you” one, more the “Orange you glad it’s Valentines day?” card.
    And you held onto Jason’s “You’re the tops, Valentine” card forever wondering if he really meant it. ;)

  11. Sara says:

    You pretty much described my childhood valentine’s reasoning to a tee from when I was a kid. I was just telling my husband last night as we stuffed valentines cards with candy (the whole process utterly frustrated my son), when I was little I would make extra special valentines for the boy I had a crush on with “be mine” instead of “you’re swell” or something. “love you” was all too daring – i think I avoided that one entirely for fear of the class finding out. I received the same ambiguous or benign messages from boys whose parents probably stuffed them, so all my agonizing was over random parent choices. I think I’ll buy some conversation hearts on the way home and reminisce…

  12. Jill says:

    Sigh…school is where I learned how important it was to send flower to yourself! $5 bought a lot of chocolate roses but endless envy! Greatest self-esteem builders for a 16 year-old girl ever! Should I mention I still send flowers to myself in the office at work? Hehe!

  13. JB says:

    In the third grade, I purposely gave the girl I liked a card that said “I like you.” Not knowing her response (and being too shy to admit that I liked her), I also gave one to a random kid in my class.

    She ended up calling me out: “You gave me a card that says ‘I like you.’ So you must like me.” To which I responded: “Nuh uh, I didn’t pay any attention to who I gave them to. See…he got an ‘I like you’ card too.”

  14. AJ Landrigan says:

    That is so true! HAHA
    Also, my 4 yo DD2 has a slight obsession with bodily functions – a year or 2 ago she was always drawing ictures … and she had to incororate pooping elephants some way or another! LMBO

  15. Megan says:

    I still have my valentines from 3rd grade….is that bad?

  16. Heather says:

    I remember analyzing all the cards too, so funny!!
    My little girl is in girl-love right now so her best friend got the extra special card. She says she is going to marry her because then they can be with each other always.

  17. Lisa B. says:

    I remember sneaking the special valentine into the desk of the boy I adored in 2nd grade – and had forgotten that the previous day he had switched desks with another boy I HATED (he made fun of me all the time). SO embarrassed!!! I made it worse by having to get up and attempt to move it at a less opportune time than when I put it in the desk. Ach. Glad that part of my life is over! And everything for my husband now has Snoopy on it, still :)

  18. Kim says:

    Honestly, I’m kind of glad I am homeschooling because after seeing some of the valentines being brought to school these days, created by uber-crafty moms and their glue-gun wielding decoupaging skills, my poor kid’s box o’ transformer “be mine” cards definitely would be an embarrassment! As a kid I just remember picking out the cards and writing the names on them and that was that. Classroom valentine giving seems to have gotten a lot more martha-stewart involved and complicated!! (besides the “does he like me or not?” complication)

  19. Diane says:

    And at MY house, 9 yr old DD whizzed through her cute and pretty valentine’s cards for her classmates while 8 yr old DS carefully chose which card would go to his best buddy – coincidentally, the card read “Best Friends”… not much of a stretch but chosen with care nonetheless! The cards for the boys to give were attached to a sucker… both REALLY thought they should be able to give a valentine to themselves, as well. There is NEVER a dull moment with kids… !

  20. corey says:

    I’ve been feeling sick all weekend and had to cancel a very expensive (look at the bright side, right?) romantic dinner with my sweetie because I can barely talk and it hurts my eyes if I move them around too much, but reading this today made everything better (also, picking up flowers chocolates and b’loons for my sweetie)

  21. Love this! I’m glad I don’t have to deal with class valentines quite yet–or with tiny romances–but I can’t really argue with a relationship that is built on a willingness to talk about poop. Seriously, Mr. Sandwich and I might as well be 90 some days.

  22. themightylin says:

    “Unless he is in prison now or something. In which case, thanks for helping me dodge that bullet.” LOL!!

  23. Sophia says:

    Awesome! Doesn’t get much better than that. Apparently when I went to school in the Dark Ages, kids did not give candy to each other.

  24. Syrmom says:

    Your post made me laugh, as always! My son is about the same age as Crappy Boy and the other day when I dropped him off at preschool, a little girl in his class turned around and casually informed me that my son was engaged to another girl in the class. When I asked him about it later, he couldn’t figure out why the two girls didn’t just get married to each other since they like to hang out so much. The fact that a girl might like him went completely over his head. He he. It’s funny how their minds work.

  25. Trisha W. says:

    Too funny. Did you take a picture of that one before he shared it?

  26. Amber Dusick says:

    Ack, you are right! Good catch. Changed. You get a heart sticker.

  27. April says:

    I swear you make me laugh everytime I read your posts. OK…I shouldn’t swear because my Crappy toddler will probably repeat it in the most inappropriate moment. LOL! Thanks for the laughter. I love your blog!

  28. K says:

    That’s hilarious! Gosh I love being surprised by what my kids say and do!

  29. meekasmommy says:

    My entire marriage might just be based on our mutual love of poop jokes ;)

  30. Amber Dusick says:

    No, I think it means you have way more storage space than I do.

  31. Amber Dusick says:

    Desk switching! Oh the horror! lol

  32. Amber Dusick says:

    LOL, we were joking that we must be elderly last night!

  33. Jennie says:

    Great post. Thanks for the memories and the reminder that fun and friendship are what matter most. One of your newest fans.

  34. Amber Dusick says:

    It really is a strong foundation.

  35. Ashley says:

    Poop jokes are, apparently, universal. No discrimination based on gender, religion, race, or national origin. My daughters love them, especially the 4yo, who is the least tomboyish of the two.

    I methodically analyzed all of my valentines in grade school. I remember the beam on my face when the most cutest boy gave me a “UR Cute” teddy bear card in 4th grade. In hindsight, I’m pretty sure that a) his mom filled them out and b) he ended up gay.

  36. Trisha_K says:

    Last year was my daughter’s first Valentine’s Day in daycare – she was still in the infant room. I brought in some valentines from a box I had picked up at the store. And I couldn’t believe that she got 2 hand-made cards! All I could think was, “I thought I was ahead of the game by getting some cute valentines – what mom of an infant has time to MAKE these things?!”

  37. Wolfy Wolf says:

    LMAO!! You so crack me up. I have to say though… my boys put a lot of effort into who gets what. My oldest who is 11, has it a bit backwards though… he makes sure all the cool cards go to the boys and the cards he deems as less than worthy go to the girls. lol What a kid. My other son, 8, isn’t sexist, so he just gives his favourite friends his favourite cards. Bless him! lol

  38. Erin says:

    I remember reviewing all the ways the boys could misspell my name. Which is Erin. You wouldn’t think there would be too many ways to spell it, but… yeah. That was a fairly good indicator of how much any given boy was into me, considering that when you are 7 your name is pretty much plastered all over everything you bring to school.

  39. Jamie says:

    This just brought back so many memories of school V-day parties. Valentines have certainly come a long way since then: http://vtmamateurs.com/2012/02/14/for-your-littlest-valentine/

  40. My ASD son missed out on the poop joke fad, so we had awkward conversations at dinner where my 3 y.o. daughter has to explain to her 6 y.o. brother why they are so darn funny. (I wrote about it here: http://www.momintwocultures.com/2011/03/pink-princess-potty-mouth.html :) ).

  41. Sara M says:

    I remember getting a Valentine in 4th grade with no “from” on it. It was a frog with the words, “I’d JUMP at the chance to be your valentine!” It was the only unmarked card, so I knew who it was from- my CRUSH Tom. *sigh* Not that our shy selves did anything about it, but I knew he knew I knew. We had a connection you know. I wonder whatever happened to Tom…

    Oh yeah, cut to present day. My daughter and her BFF (a boy) can laugh for hours about poop.

  42. Laura C. says:

    Haha! Just the other day my boyfriend and I spent a good half hour rewriting the lyrics to a Green Day song to include as many poop and fart words as possible. We’re in our late 20s and still crack up at a poop joke!

  43. Kristen says:

    Oh my gosh! you just described my entire Valentines Day childhood. Like word for word. I love it!!! Yay for reminiscing. Hilarious post!!!!

  44. sarah says:

    i got little valentines gifts for people and wanted to get a few more things and make cute little gifts, but ive been very sick with the flu and i’m sure no one wants any of the things from me because i have the flu real bad.

  45. The Valentine’s Day Arms Race is intense.

  46. Rebecca says:

    I always gave valentines to my teachers, too. I remember in third or fourth grade, we happened to have gym on Valentine’s Day, so I gave a valentine to our (male) gym teacher. I guess none of the other kids felt inclined to do the same because I was the only one, which resulted in a Saved-by-the-Bell-Zack-kissing-Kelly-type “Oooooooooooh!” from the rest of my class.

    I was so embarrassed. I doubt it said “Be Mine” or anything like that. I most definitely chose who got what sentiment as far as valentines, and I didn’t have a thing for my gym teacher :)

    Now I wonder how many valentines gym teachers get compared to non-gym teachers.

  47. Julie says:

    Crappy boy really has no idea how many people adore him. He’s stolen all of our hearts because we get to see him through his mommy’s eyes. And it’s just adorable that a little girl has a crush on him.

  48. It starts earlier than elementary school! Today in our toddler Valentine’s Day music class, my 2 year old grabbed the hands of a little girl and started dancing with her during one of the numbers. I can’t believe my little Cassanova!

    http://www.justdelivered.net

  49. Boys! ugh. I have two of them, and I still can’t get over how much they care less about Valentine’s day. “Owen, do you want to decorate your Valentine’s cards with me?” “Why?” Exactly right on them only caring about the candy! Sigh…I need a girl!

  50. sprinke says:

    Does that mean you were giving the “Be Mine” ones to the boys? :)

  51. Tiffany says:

    Oh the memories! I was in second grade with a little boy named Joshua. His mother sent in a box of chocolates and a red carnation for Miss Coss, but Joshua delivered them to me instead. I think I probably turned five shades of red and sunk down in my seat for the rest of the day. A week later I got the “Do you like me, circle yes or no” note. I wrote in the word friends and circled it. He gave Miss Coss’ St Patty’s Day shamrock cookies to Megan.

    Oh man, thinking about this stuff forces the reality of my son’s age on me. He’s in 2nd grade….but I like to pretend he’s still four and things are simple.

  52. Lisa-Jane says:

    A valentine for EVERY child in the class? Wow, another UK / USA divide. Its not a tradition at all here. Heck I have enough trouble summoning the energy to make DH a bacon and egg sarnie!

  53. Jessica says:

    Hell yeah for the 74 point word! And big high five because you got it with POOP.

  54. Jennifer says:

    I think this is your best post yet. But I think I say that about every post… Either way, this is genius. I love the braids! I wish I could say I don’t overanalyze everything now but I still do, haha!

  55. Amber Dusick says:

    You WROTE IN “friends”? LOL, that is the best thing I’ve heard all day. Thanks for the story!

  56. Dana says:

    About a year ago, my hubby and I went to dinner with an old work acquaintance and her husband. We made slight mention of poop-joke-love (PJL) and got “Oh, we can’t do poop jokes” (+ disgusted look) in return. Needless to say, we haven’t seen them since.

  57. Leanna says:

    When my son filled out his Valentine’s last night he made sure to give the good one to the girl he likes. He’s in 3rd grade. I know he will show me which one she gave him today.

  58. Mary Beth says:

    I had the same experience with my two boys–2 y/o and 7 months. I thought I was ahead of the game by bringing in the cool heart-shaped fruit snacks for the 2 y/o class, all individually labeled, and card valentines for all the teachers. I was totally deflated when I saw the fantastically wrapped gift bags and hand-crafted valentines. They are infants and toddlers–who is going to remember?? Valentine inflation…

  59. Anastasia says:

    My son loved a big foam heart sticker he got from a girl in his kindergarten class last year … it is still stuck to my bedroom door with her name written on it (my son wrote it) … those things do NOT come off! :)

  60. grace says:

    ditto on all that, I vividly remember how i painstakingly would select for each kid, (especially the boys) particular cards…and of course going over and over what theirs to me meant…….horrible and awkward time…..what does a skull and cross bones on a card mean….

  61. Jaclyn says:

    I remember getting Valentines from all my classmates and having a “Valentines Day Party,” where we ate pink cookies, and drank red juice (the horror!) and then barfed on the bus on the way home….in a strange turn of events, my 5yo (in pre-K) brought home a LIST of restrictions last week regarding Valentines Day.
    1. No Valentines Day Party. The Valentines will be passed out to each child, sealed into a sack, and sent home where the parents should help the child open them.
    2. No candy. Only cards.
    3. Every child must receive a valentine from your child, or none of the Valentines will be passed out.
    4. Each Valentine MUST be SIGNED by your child. (Sure. YOU make my twin 5yo boys sign 25 of anything. Good luck).
    5. Please refrain from religious messages in the cards. (WHO puts religious messages in a VALENTINES DAY CARD for 5yos?)
    6. Parents: all cards must contain age appropriate cards. No expletives, nudity, or other suggestive phrasing may be contained in the cards. (OMG.)

    Please note: this is NOTHING compared to the TWO page list they sent home during the Christmas (I mean, HOLIDAY) Season.

  62. jill says:

    Hilarious and so true!

    Although in Kindergarten my son made heart valentines with googly eyes – the two eyed ones were for the girls (because they like more realistic things) while the boys all got either cyclopses, or for his close friends, many-eyed valentines monsters. So I guess girls in his class could analyze his affection by the perfection of the eyes and yarn mouth on their valentines, while the boys (should they care) could measure his esteem in the weirdness of their card. Good times, good times!

  63. Amber Dusick says:

    Darn, you mean those naked lady cards I got at the adult store aren’t appropriate? Seriously, that rule list is pretty over the top. And I wonder, since they include things like nudity and religion, if it all must have happened at some point or if it is just paranoia. It does make one wonder though. Either way, that list makes me nervous that I’d accidentally break rules!

  64. Sheindal says:

    I can usually relate fairly well to Amber’s posts, but was wondering with this one if it was just me …oh no has it really changed so much since my day when you just gave (hid!) one card to the boy you really liked, and that at age 10 or something, not younger, do I have this still to come? (my oldest is only 2.5) Phew – cross fingers it isn’t a UK thing :-)

  65. Rita says:

    I remember doing that… Sending the “be mine” to my crush but also making sure to send a “be mine” to someone I didn’t like just in case I was called out!

  66. Katie says:

    My valentines treat was seeing a Crappy Puctures e-mail in my inbox(grown up for valentine’S box) for the second time today!!! Because I was 107e-mails behind and read your last one today at 1:30 and had a free second and read your second one at 5:57….. You’re my #1 favorite blog

  67. Katie says:

    @Jaclyn….what is this world coming to? Is Spongebob appropriate bc he is only wearing underwear and shoes and any man with shoes and underwear on only is sending some sort of sick twisted foreplay message…

  68. Tatum says:

    In 6th grade at my school, valentines were totally optional. And you could even give one to just one person and not the whole class. It’s like the teachers were intentionally creating drama for their own enjoyment. Looking back, I am sure that’s what they were doing.

    Well, I decided to write up “bills” for everyone because I was a total weirdo, and I thought it would be funny. So everyone in class got a bill for borrowing a pencil or for that time I helped them with their homework or whatever.

    I still remember noticing this one boy only got one valentine and it was the bill from me. I still feel sad for him.

  69. Kim says:

    I was on instagram and saw a box made to collect the child’s valentines in class – it was covered in various beautiful paper designs and was decorated with handmade flowers and ribbons… It was gorgeous! And the child’s valentines were all cut and taped and stamped with scrapbooking tools – way out of my league! ;)

  70. Rita says:

    How am I already at the age when I say “when I was in school…” Sad that there are so many rules – they’re kids!

  71. Jaclyn says:

    My kids sent Spongebob….I never thought about the “underwear” factor. I wasn’t reprimanded when I picked up the boys today, so I guess I got away with my favorite shirtless wonder. :)

  72. Paola says:

    Oh, I want to see the HOliday list. The Valentine’s one made my day. As a foreigner, this political correctness is so incredibly interesting.

  73. Jaclyn says:

    I guess it is for the same reason that there is a law in Alaska that prohibits throwing a dead dear out of a moving airplane (or something like that). SOMEONE DID THAT….and then said, “Well, there is no law against it….”
    I, like you, was very nervous about breaking the rules. No one yelled at me when I picked the boys up, so…..:)

  74. Jennifer J says:

    I remember sixth grade, because I only got three or four valentines from my class of 30. I did give them to everyone. Rather like my tenth birthday, where I invited ten girls, and one showed up. I still don’t know what it was that made me such a loser.

  75. Meggin D says:

    my son (3) decorated some hearts that I had cut out. The ‘best’ ones got halloween and construction stickers, and he really, really resisted using the heart and smile face stickers. :)

  76. Karen says:

    I laughed and laughed as I read and remembered my own Valentine card-giving experiences from so long ago! Cracked up at Tiffany’s post about the little boy giving the next holiday’s (St. Patrick’s Day’s) gifts to another girl. Loved her adding the word FRIEND to the “Do you like me, answer yes or no” note, too!

  77. shanny says:

    love valentine’s day stories! being in oz it’s not a big thing, but i am fascinated and charmed by the whole valentine’s culture in the us! (coz i’m a hopeless romantic…have coached no.1 kid very well coz he tells me he loves me all the time. mwahahahha)

  78. Kate says:

    I am in awe of your teen aged brilliance! Why didn’t I think of that?!? Rock on!

  79. Chris Carter says:

    Just to make you feel better…both my kids go to school and both had those cheap two-inch size Valentine Cards that came in a cheap cardboard box. Kung Fu Panda for my kindergartener, and some smiley face ones for my third grader. my kids had no complaints about the ones I got them, and they couldn’t care a less or didn’t even notice the other valentines being better made! It’s all about the moms…not the kids!

  80. Kate says:

    When my daughter was in elementary school, one of the boys in her grade was madly in love with her. This started in third grade. He was constantly giving her gifts, and not just on Valentine’s Day. I admit I laughed over his hand written poetry and paper origami rings. He even brought home a souvenir from Disney World especially for her each time his family went (I remember a Cinderella picture frame since that was her favorite princess and a minnie mouse snow globe). I wondered what his parents thought of that?

    She changed schools and their friendship went ‘long distance’ (two towns over). They are still friends today (as seniors in HS), but only friends.

  81. CarrieM says:

    Too funny! Happy Valentine’s Day!

  82. Gretchen says:

    My hubby turned to me and said “I am sorry I didn’t get you any flowers”. I said “That’s ok, you got me chocolate (from See’s) and I got to pick out most of it!” I love flowers, but I love chocolate more, lol!

  83. Kathy says:

    I was (blush) hugely flattered when 2 boys in my fourth grade class gave me the “I love you DEER-ly” card! They had a fight to see who should really win my heart, but quickly stopped it before the teacher stepped in. The flipped a penny instead of throwing punches, and all was resolved. This happened in 1969, and your note brought it all back!

  84. Heather C says:

    Hahahaha! Awsome post. My second grader came running out of school, very excited that the card Emily gave him said “You’re Cute” and he wanted to know if any of his little brother’s cards said that. All the fuss he made, I assumed she had handwritten the note. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that all the cards probably said that.

  85. Schaun says:

    I remember when I was in 2nd grade I really liked this boy Joe. So, for Valentine’s Day I hand made him a “Secret Admirer Card” and put it in his box. Later, when we were all opening our boxes I saw him open the card. I wondered if he knew it was from me. When the bell rang for recess, he hung back and called me over to him. I thought, “WOW! He knows and he must like me!” He gave me a very angry face then and hatefully whispered, “I KNOW you wrote this secret admirer card!” Then he crumpled it up and tossed it on the floor. Of course I hatefully yelled back, “No I didn’t!”

  86. Vicki says:

    Thank God kids can still give the cheap, paper valentines and they don’t even know the difference…my daughter is only 9 months old, so I’m not too worried about it at this stage of the game, but really, I’m on mat leave and will be going back to work full time soon – I have NO free time now…how would I ever find the time to hand-craft Valentines, b-day invites, etc… I totally agree with Chris – it is all about the Moms trying to out-do each other, the kids could care less, they have better things to do with their time :)

    Now that I have that off my chest – Amber, kudos on another great anecdote, you always make me laugh! My childhood Valentine’s Day experiences were pretty much IDENTICAL to yours! Picking the most perfect (cheap) valentine for that special crush – and then taping a red foil-covered chocolate heart on the outside of each envelope. It brings back memories :)

  87. Denise says:

    Beautifully said! I said something very similar to my daughter just today after my husband did something super thoughtful and romantic for me for Valentine’s Day. What better gift to give our daughters?!

  88. Leslie says:

    My 6 YO DD wanted to make valentines for her classmates so much that I found her writing valentine messages on Post-its. So we printed a template from the internet onto cardstock and she colored and cut them out; it actually ended up being kind of fun since she’s pretty much happy as long as you keep her in art supplies. No significance to the messages she wrote (one boy got “you’re silly!”) but she DID add on to her paper dragon city with the cardstock scraps. The dragons now have a coffee shop and a cafe.

  89. queen of string says:

    I’m pretty sure all you poop joke people will like this annoyingly catchy tune!

    http://grist.org/list/insanely-catchy-song-urges-you-to-poop-in-a-bucket/

  90. Amber Dusick says:

    Great advice to your daughters!

  91. Amber Dusick says:

    Oh no! What did you bill him for? Those years can be so harsh.

  92. Amber Dusick says:

    Exactly. I’d always pick chocolate over flowers.

  93. Amber Dusick says:

    Oh no! I have so many stories like that. Oh the horror of being that age.

  94. Angela says:

    EVERYTHING you blog about is soooooo true to my life too! I can’t begin to tell you how much I love reading your posts! Oh, an I literally LMAO every time!!! Happy Valentines Day!

  95. Annabelle says:

    I may or may not just have giggled endlessly about your poop joke…

  96. crystal_b says:

    I totally made the most adorable Valentines for my 20-month old’s daycare party today :)

    I did a string of construction paper hearts spelling out each girl’s name, folded up with “You knock my socks off!” on the back, all stuck in the bag with a pair of Valentines socks and a bunch of stickers.

    I didn’t want to do candy, and there are only 4 girls at her daycare … so yeah :)

    I did forget that today was the day until after I was already at work, so I speed-crafted right before I picked her up. I’d already bought the socks & stickers, so it only took about 15 minutes, if that’s redeeming at all!

  97. Danielle says:

    Right now, Roo has a neighbor boy who will hold her hand when she cries. She then gets all smiley and he’ll push her away. Seattle boys…even at 18 months they’re masters of the mixed signal.

  98. Karie says:

    So, I had a bit of a parenting fail today. Valentines were optional in my son’s kindergarten class, and neither my husband nor I paid much attention to it. He’s five. His interests are superheroes and Legos. He never mentioned making valentines, so we didn’t bother. But apparently he was the only kid who didn’t have any to pass out. I will have to give my apologies to the girls who coo “Hi, Mikey” at him every day.

  99. TheUrbanMum says:

    So did you get the Chocolates? Because I firmly believe the road to a successful marriage is paved with chocolate… Mx

  100. brandi says:

    My 11 year old son has a “girlfriend”. They exchanged gifts for Valentine’s yesterday. When he got home I asked “So what did you get from Bailey?” He says “3 pieces of chocolate, I ate them already” – you could see the disappointment on his face due to lack of junk food. I said “Really? Huh?” This is my surprise. I thought she would get “us” more since I spent a considerable amount of time thinking about what “he” was going to get her. “3 pieces of chocolate, that’s weird” I thought….”Where’s the meaningful stuff”

    He failed to mention the stuffed Snoopy that came with it that I later found tossed in the bathroom sink, which I am sure landed there after he ran to the toilet after school. I don’t think he would have noticed if it actually landed right in the toilet. If I had an 11 year old daughter, that Snoopy would have been special displayed on her bedroom shelf with a accent light and the card in a frame.

    Goes to show…a way to a man’s heart IS threw his stomach!…(well and some other way not to mention on here) and a way to his Mom’s heart is through a stuffed Snoopy.

    Happy Valentine’s Day!

  101. Kym says:

    I hope you gave her an extra special card from Crappy Boy! ;o)

  102. ErynBob says:

    My 6yo son brought his valentines home from school yesterday and said “Cool. Gummies.” “Cool, a sucker.” and chucked every card across the table. As I am saying, “wait, now who is that one from?” He so only cared about the candy!! Thanks Amber! :)

  103. Cynthia says:

    That is such an exact description of how I did Valentines. Hilarious.

  104. Chrissy says:

    There is a little girl in my son’s preschool class that is SO hopelessly in love with my son. I think she is adorable, I hope one day they get married and have beautiful strawberry blond haired little babies, my son, he calls her “the bad guy.” ah well, I guess there is no accounting for taste. We’ve actually had to let the teachers know to watch them because she expresses her affection a lot, through antagonizing him and taking his toys obviously, and he’s getting really fed up with it. Thus, why he calls her “the bad guy.”

  105. Loretta says:

    Throwing my dead “dear” out the window?!? LOL

  106. tc says:

    Elementary school flashbacks.
    I adore your brain.
    That is all.

  107. Lisacng says:

    Aw, glad they have poop fun together

  108. Jennifer says:

    My 6 year old son made a card for me and my husband that said, “Happy Valentines Day Mommy and Daddy. So far you are the best parents ever!” WTH??? Lol

  109. Ha, totally rings a bell. And my 6th grade maybe-boyfriend-maybe-not actually did go to prison! Though I don’t remember which Valentine he gave me….

    And the prison thing came later, of course. After the big 21 Jump Street style drug sting at my high school. Ah, happy memories. ;)

  110. Kathleen says:

    My daughter had gym glass yesterday, and really wanted to give a card to her teacher. She’d already told him last week that she loved him, so we decided not to encourage her!

  111. Tanja says:

    Actually, here i Africa where i live, people use (animal) poop on their mud floors and walls as a finish. So yeah… I laughed when you observed how strong a foundation poop is for a marriage.

    Loved the post, by the way!

  112. Camille says:

    I have read your blog archives in the past two days (Creepy?) and i want to say that I love your blog- I feel so validated as a mama (of 2 boys, also) and my husband & I have cracked up reading through your posts. Thank you for keeping it really, really real.

  113. Angela says:

    Hahaha, perfect! I remember thinking a guy liked me (1st grade) because he gave me candy AND a card that said “be my Valentine” HAHAHHA

  114. Jessica says:

    This is hilarious. I laughed out loud.

  115. Lisa says:

    I live in Tanzania and we have little tiny antelopes here that mate for life called dik-diks. As if the name isn’t funny enough, the male and female even poop in the same pile. That’s true love.

  116. Sara says:

    You totally nailed it again. But what really caught my attention was realizing my 4-yo isn’t alone as a total poop nut. All of his knock-knock jokes end in “poopy.” I really was thinking this was strange… now I don’t. Thanks for that!

  117. Heather says:

    Waiting for my, then first grade, oldest boy I was approached by a fellow mom. She told me she was the mom of a little girl in Oldest Boys class and that she was his girlfriend. I unsuccessfully tried to hide my shock and respond nonchalantly: Oh? She smirked and said: You didn’t know? That’s okay, we don’t think Oldest Boy knows either! We then had a very good and ‘been a school girl myself’ laugh!!!

  118. Heather says:

    Great! Did you get the chocolate?

  119. Katie says:

    Haha! This is such an accurate depiction of elementary school Valentine’s Day. At least, uhh, for me. :)

  120. Cadence says:

    I love your blog! It’s a great form of birth control! :)

  121. Annette says:

    My husband of 7 years and I started our entire relationship based on a mutual appreciation for poop humor. I wish I was joking about this….

  122. Stacey says:

    You are HILARIOUS!!! I am not a momma yet (hopefully someday) but I am loving all your posts! I have to show my husband the one about sleeping… I know we will be the exact same someday :)

  123. smell yurp says:

    Knock knock.
    Who’s there?
    Smell yurp.
    Smell yurp who?
    :o)

  124. Damon says:

    Hilarious as usual. I am a boy and actually remember picking out special Valentine’s for each person, but I think I started doing that in a meaningful way, oh, about a bajillion years later than the girls.

  125. Julinda says:

    (First time reading your blog) Love this!

    I also have 2 boys (6 and 12) and my younger one used to be obsessed w/saying “poop,” substituting the word in songs, etc. Glad to know he is not the only one. He doesn’t do it much any more but w/2 boys poop is still a source of humor.

  126. Very nice, thanks for sharing.

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