This stage is so much fun. We saw it during the terrible twos. Now it has morphed into a slightly more sophisticated version for the terrible threes.
Why does the first reaction have to always be an angry “No!”?
Hey, I wrote some funny books
More Crappy Pictures
Because it’s all about the POWER!
SO true!
No is fun to say!
Must be really fun because my 14 month old son has just realized he can say it when HE doesn’t want to do something. It had been just immitating us…
“No no no” when we tell him not to touch something.
To make it even better…he says it to me in both Serbian and English. ALL. DAY. LONG.
Let’s go.
-Ne (serbian no)
Try just one spoonful
-No
Time for bed
-Ne
Give that to mama
-Ne
Okay, all done with the shopping cart car
-No (followed by screaming and crying and a full blown tantrum)
yep, truth.
My 4yr old does this too sometimes. sigh…
Still happening in my house…at age 12…and a half:(
Yes, we experience this with 11 yo step-son, “No… wait… Where are we going again?”
I also agree with the power struggle comment! 🙂
My dad did this… he was 64!
So, so true.
“No” is their go-to answer.
Around here, it doesn’t even matter where we’re going! It could be some place I know he really wants to go to. A birthday party. His favorite cousin will be there. And cake! “NO! I don’t like cake!” “Fine. Then I get your piece” Ahh.. 3. I think this improves somewhere closer to 5. Siiiigh…
I beg to differ that it gets better at 5 :/ , but that may just be because I have a fiesty red head,don’t know,but oh my even what to where is an argument !
My 9-year-old still does it.
My red headed twelve year old does it occasionally, too.
Doesn’t get better….ever! I have a 13, 18, and 21 year old. HA!
Nightly in my house:
Me: “Supper time!”
3yoDS: “No! But I don’t like it! It’s not my favorite! I don’t want to eat it! It’s yucky!”
Me: “It’s Mac&Cheese.”
DS: “But I’m not hung– Mac & Cheese? My favorite!”
Or some version fairly close to that. Sigh.
haha, my 4-year-old does this a lot, too! “No, I don’t want that! It’s not my favorite!” And I’m like, “But, yesterday, you said this is your favorite!” And he’d go, “No, not my favorite anymore!” sigh, too. 🙂
My friend says it’s the Trying Threes and the F’n Fours! So far, it fits with my boys…
We now call it the F U 4s. I swearbifnhe knew how to flip me off. He would. On a regular basis. Sigh.
Someone please tell me 5 is better.
Not so far…lol.
I think any age after 3 they go through periods of testing you (authority). But as they get older the attitude comes in too. 😛 I spend a lot of my time saying, “How can you say that politely?” and “Do you really think saying it that way will work? Please try again”. I wish I could say the dramatics decrease, but mine have inherited drama from both parents 😀
For us, 5 has been the best so far! 0-4 were killer though.
Not so much and at 5 she learned somewhere how to give the bird,only to her brother when I’m not looking mind you ,errrrr !
My 9 year old just taught his 5 year old brother how to give the bird. I asked 9 year old what his punishment should be and he said “No screen time today?…….Ok. No screen time for a week.” And 5 year old wanted to know if thumbs up was still ok, lol.
5 was a tad better but as soon as 5.5 hit…LOOK OUT! It is the worst so far and I am now at 6.5 and she is still going…I am sure it is nothing I have done in my parenting skilz. LOL, kids!
Don’t worry, it goes away eventually. But, it comes back in the middle school years 🙂
Ain’t that the truth.
Wait until it’s the “Terrible 10’s” and your boy STILL doesn’t want to go anywhere…..until you explain why he should want to go, what is fun at the place and how it is not yet legal in our state to leave a 10 yo alone in an empty house when he has a proclivity to go outside, tell people he’s alone and leave the front door open. Good Luck 🙂
This is where you need a “Like” button!
haha, we were just laughing at this at our house, we have determined his default setting must be stuck in “NO” mode…
It’s child auto pilot to say no!
It’s just because they’re having fun. What they really mean is “Aww, why’d you have to interrupt me NOW at this really awesome part of my game?” But No has one syllable 😛
YES! Exactly!
That rears its ugly head again in the teen years
I love when they actually process the question and change the answer mid-word. Frequently seen at our place,
Parent: “Do you (insert whatever here)?”
Toddler: “N. . (pause) yeah!”
Yep. My two year old’s favorite word. Nyeah.
My 2 year old says “yo” for the same reason. I suppose it’s encouraging that it starts out as a yes. But then becomes a no of course. Sigh…
YOU CAN’T TELL ME WHAT TO DO!!
Love it! My 3 year does the same thing!
My daughter will be three this month. I sometimes imagine a devil hanging about on one of her shoulders, whispering “Wait for it, wait for it…Okay! Scream “No!” over and over as loud as you can for the next 15 minutes! Then wander around like nothing just happened.”
The guy on the other shoulder apparently takes a lot of breaks.
Door in the face technique so you’ll make him a good offer- sophisticated psychology!
When I had meningitis my 3 year old was going through this so intensely that when they paged a Dr. over the loudspeaker she yelled ‘NO DR. GODFREY LINE 1420!’
That is hysterical!!!
That is awesome. Please tell her that after she has her first child.
My friend calls it being a “threenager”. So much drama!
Love this! And my threenager’s name is Sarah! 🙂
Ugh, MINE TOO! Sometimes he’s totally wacked and says things like “I don’t want to go to the park! I don’t like ice cream! I don’t like playing with my friend John..” Doh, really kid? I hate everything nice and fun and exciting too.
You need to record all of this for later, so when they demand an ice cream or whatever, you can play it back!
I’ve worked with adults who act the same way!
Is it worrisome that my husband has the same problem?
Yes. Bye bye terrible two’s. Hello PSYCHO three’s.
Another good title to this would be “Time to No”.
Haha! Yes!
I JUST went through this at lunch! My 2yo had some cottage cheese with his sandwich and asked for more cottage cheese when he was done… I scraped the cottage cheese left in his bowl together and tried to get him to eat it, “NO! I don’t like that! That ishy!”
Really?! But you want more?!
My daughter is 16 months old and knows the word “no.” But she doesn’t know “yes” yet. So when I ask her if she wants more milk, wants some crackers, etc… if I get no response, I assume her answer is yes. I’m looking forward to her using more words to communicate than “no,” “uh oh,” and screaming.
I am SO relieved to read this today. My three-year-old is going through this very same thing, and I’ve been almost pulling out my hair trying to cope with it. He doesn’t want to get dressed in the morning, he doesn’t want to walk his sister to school, he doesn’t want to go to his program, he doesn’t want lunch, he CERTAINLY doesn’t want nap etc etc. Although I don’t necessarily believe that misery shared is misery halved, it IS nice to know that other people experience this same thing with their kids, and that it doesn’t necessarily mean that mine is destined to be a felon.
My little girl who is 15 months old is just about speaking. We are English living in Holland, so it is English at home and Dutch at daycare. When she says no it goes like this “Nee, nee, nee, noo, noo, noo!!!” so cute!!
Hey, we’re a half-Dutch household living in Scotland and our (almost) three year old keeps shouting “I no want deeeeee!” which confuses everyone Scottish (“die” meaning this/that/those/these to the non-Nederlanders.)
Scottish Gran “Do you want this one or that one?”
DD “I no want deee!”
🙂
Fun stuff, bilingual negativity…
My default response is, ” I’m taking you somewhere fun, I’m not dipping you in a vat of boiling acid.” Which doesnt make a lot of sense but is fun to say.
I tell my kids, “It is meat and potatoes, not dirt and poop, just EAT IT!” LOL, mother of the year right here.
just this a.m. i heard my 24-m-o in her room alone, playing w/ stuffed animals just practicing: “No!” “Noooooo!” “Nont WONT to!!!.”
I knew they practiced that in secret!
Lol, that is so funny!
My 2.5 year old only child fights with himself. Over his toys. “That’s not yours, it’s MY one!” Sometimes he makes himself cry… More practicing, I guess!
When my 3 year old does this, we just say “Ok, bye. We’ll see you later.” and head for the door. He screams “Wait! I get my shoes.” I’ll see how long we can get away with that one…
Mine are 7 and 5. The 7 yr old doesn’t really believe that I’ll leave him, but it still works. I have been out of the garage in the driveway before when they are running out of there, yelling “Wait mommy!”
I so wish that this worked with mine. She is so stubborn that she often responds with “Ok, I’ll stay here.” UGH!!
Same here, my 3.5 year old has started to suss that I’m not actually going to leave without him. He used to spring to attention when I said it, now it’s just a yeah whatever, kind of attitude…
I have to say I don’t like doing it, I can remember my mum walking off down the road when I was 12 or so and not getting ready quick enough, and I hated the feeling it gave me, it’s not something I want my children to feel, but what else can you do? 🙁
Saw my sister do that with my nephew and it worked quite well. Unfortunately, my eighteen month old has never fallen for that one and instead made me chase her down while giggling. She alternates between the changling she must be and my sweet darling baby.
We do this with all of ours and it works quite nicely– Ours are 10, 9, 7, and 4 and I’m amazed we can still do it!! We have actually left the house and got into the car which is probably why it works, still, on the 10 year old!
Rather a “No” than being ignored. It’s what our 3 year old does. *sigh*
We’re going through the first “no” stage. Sigh. She does sometimes say “yes” but we get the “I want it” then I give it to her”no!” And of course the “no” pause “yes” or even the “nooyes.” The cutest, though still frustrating, is when she shakes her finger and yells “I don’t!” Even if the question is something like “are you poopy?” it’s still “no! I don’t!” She’s only 19 months so it sounds like I’m going to have to get used to it for a while.
We have a similar phenomenon with my 4yo regarding dinner. I finally told him to stop wasting my time asking me what is for dinner, lets just fast forward straight to “I don’t like that!”
Ach, I HATE the what’s for dinner question. HATE IT! Why should I tell you? You’re just going to start whining about how you don’t like it. I’ve taken to saying things like “poop on a plate.”
Hmm…I’ve always just answered “goat” when my daughter is in the ask-what’s-for-dinner-just-so-you-can-hate-on-it phase, but “poop on a plate” seems like a good replacement! 😉
We have a “no yucky noise when you see your food” rule in our house. You can’t ever say “OHHH NOOO!!” or “Ewwwww” when you see your plate or it gets taken away. My nearly 7 y/o has it pretty figured out, she keys in on something she does like and says “YAY!! Mac and cheese!!” Then really quietly and matter of factly she will say “if it just weren’t for the peas”. I have to admit I sometimes snicker in the kitchen.
Have you heard the Lonely Peas song by Sandra Boynton? “Dinner is over. I liked what I ate…except for the peas which are still on my plate! Oh, lonely peas! So green, so round, and so small! Oh, lonely peas…there’s no one who loves you at all!”
I go through a similar scenario about dinner.
“What’s for dinner, Mama?”
“Chicken.”
“I hate chicken.”
“No you don’t, and you don’t even know what kind it is yet. It’s chicken parm.”
“Oh, I LOVE chicken parm!”
“Yeah, I know you do.”
*sigh*
Why must they push back over things they actually might–and often do–like? Damn kids.
I swear mine just wants the opposite of what I say. EVERY. TIME. *sigh*
My MD was talking about the no today in the office. She says it is because they are mimicking adults and want to be like mom and dad and make decisions on their own…I thought it was a good point. She said most of the time it doesn’t really mean no just that they are making their own choice. So we are suppose to present them with an alternative to the no…but when you have another screaming child to deal with this is a hard thing to do in the moment : /
Haha, my 2 year old begins every sentence with No!
“How old are you?”
“No, I’m two!”
“What colour is that one?”
“No, it’s red!”
lol!!!! that made me crack up!
LOL, funny!!
My son is only two, but I’m learning to change the question, so that the answer that I want is “No”. It throws him off long enough so I can get his coat and shoes on before he knows what to say. LOL! Is that wrong?
oooooh, you are so smart, can I come learn from you?
LOL Lily, not smart, just sneaky 😉
I finally asked my 2 year old “Can’t you say YES!” He thought about it, and now I get “YES Mommy” and “YES Daddy” as often as no. 🙂
i think im the only one whose 3 yr old doesn’t do this lol he’ll just scream yay!!!! when i tell him it’s time to go out.
My son does the SAME thing. No is always the first answer.
I have a good solution to this: Don’t ask yes/no questions, and only give 2 choices, both of which you are okay with. So, instead of, “Do you want to go to the park?”, say, “Do you want to go to the park or the {insert other awesome location here}?” If they refuse to get dressed, just say, “Do you want to get dressed by yourself, or do you want mommy/daddy/brother/etc. to get you dressed?” For dinner, “Do you want to eat your mac-n-cheese or your carrots first?” Or “Do you want {this} or {that} for lunch?” You get the picture. My biggest go-to for all my kids was, “Do you want to walk, or do you want me to carry you?” BAM! They chose to walk 99% of the time. This way, they get to keep the power of choice with the illusion that they are getting their way. Win-win. The tough part is you have to be consistent, and sometimes you have to get them dressed or carry a heavy toddler to the car and listen to the screaming after a count of 5 if they don’t choose one or the other. But then you say, “You didn’t like me getting you dressed/carrying you to the car/feeding you apple sauce. Next time you can choose to get dressed by yourself/walk to the car/to eat yogurt for snack.” Just make sure you give them a time limit to make their choice. I used to say, “I’m going to count to 5, and if you don’t make a choice, I’m going to choose for you, and I’m going to choose to carry you to the car…1-2-3…” Soon they were scrambling. Hope this helps! Thank goodness for childhood antics. They make for good bonding amongst parents, as well as funny blog stories!
{Mother of a 7-, 16-, and 18-year old…all boys]
This is exactly what we had to do for our 3 year old, and it WORKS. We started telling her that if she refused to make a choice, a choice would be made for her, and we stuck to it even through the screaming. Now, if she hears the phrase “a choice will be made for you” she gets in gear and does whatever we want her to do (well, about 95% of the time, anyway).
Exactly! And guess what? It also works for teenagers and, on occasion, my ADD husband! LOL!
I agree with never ever asking yes no questions unless there really is a choice. If my boys say no after I have asked I make sure to respect their decision. Unfortunately my husband asks questions all the time. thank goodness we have agreeable kids who usually just go with it.
great advice. This is what my mum advised me to do with Miss 4 as well. Unfortunately it’s hard to break 3 years worth of habit! But I’m learning slowly!
My kids must be broken, those “choices” never worked for us.
Me: Do you want to walk upstairs or do you want Mommy to carry you?
Eldest Daughter, at age 2: I NOT GO UPSTAIRS!!! I STAY DOWNSTAIRS!!!
And then she’d thrash and scream as I hauled her up the stairs. Same scenario for foods (eat A or B first?, but she wouldn’t want either), books or bath first (rarely acquiesced to a bath without a fight), etc. The two subsequent daughters are similar – reactions are not as intense, but they totally see through the choice illusion.
I tried. Really. So when things are rough, now I say “Do you want to do this the EASY WAY or the HARD WAY?” 😀
Haha! June…I don’t mean to laugh, but I love your response! Things are never perfect, and no two kids (or three or four) are alike. When mine gets in a sensitive mood, i have to give him a warning, and let him prep, like, “Okay, it’s going to be time to take a bath in 5 minutes (*sets timer for him*). That helps with the transition. Worst case, you can write your own blog. Hee hee!
I say do you want the easy way or hard way too….amazing how good that works. I dont try to over use though, I save for just the right tantrum! 🙂
This is absolutely true for us too! For years I tried the limited choices, both acceptable method. “Do you want carrots or broccoli? Do you want to wear the red shirt or the blue shirt?” And right away from age 2 my son was too smart for that. “Neither!” he’d yell.
They do eventually learn that they can opt for magical option 3, even if they aren’t sure what that would be. “No, I want something different!” The teen years are full of those. “I don’t know what I want, but it’s nothing YOU have to offer.”
(Thankfully, my daughter is now nearly 20 and loves pretty much all my advice and suggestions… but getting through those few years was a drag!)
My (almost) 3 yo son tells me whether it’s a “Yes” day or a “No” day. Sometimes he’ll surprise me by telling me in the morning that it is a “yes” day, but mostly we have “no” days.
That said, one day we were out at lunch and we had to go visit the restroom. He was in the stall with me when he asked if I was making poop. I said, “No”, to which he replied, “but it’s a Yes day, Mommy!” I could not persuade him otherwise.
Bad news. I get this from my 12 year as well as my 3 year old.
When I was 10, Bro (12) and I came home from school and Mum had our tea ready. While we were eating, she said Dad was taking us out. We said we didn’t want to go. Dad took us anyway. He took us to the cinema to see Bugsy Malone and we really loved it.
I had this argument just the other night…we were going to a birthday party for a friend (adult friends, but a kid-friendly party), and she had been looking forward to it for days…only to tell me that she didn’t want to go an hour before we had to leave.
I finally persuaded her to go with the promise that there would be lots of people who think she’s cute.
If you haven’t seen it look up “The Vicar of Dibley” no-no no no no no no yes. Hilarious. My 11 month old can nod his head no…. I’m screwed.
Nodding “No” and shaking “yes” is an Indian thing. It can be very confusing.
Haha! They do it in Fiji too… I had a friend make 7 cups of tea for people who all said “thankyou” with a nod of their heads. Turns out they all meant no thanks!
My grandfather died before I was born, but Mum often tells us that if you asked him a question such as “Would you like a cup of tea”, he would say “I don’t mind”, meaning yes, or “I’m no’un (not) bothered”, meaning no.
My husband says “I guess” for yes and “I don’t know” for no. Took me YEARS to figure that out!
Reminds me of Jane Nelson and Positive Discipline. Great book (obviously, not nearly as funny as you, but great info!) Talks a out asking a question like “what do we need to do to get in the car?” Eliminating the yes/no battle. Of course, before I started implementing I agree that all I ever heard was “no”. It isn’t magic, but it is definitely better now! 🙂
We make a check list:
ie: Things we need to do this evening:
Bath
Dinner
Spelling words
TV
Bed
They LOVE checking stuff off….
I feel very fortunate reading some of these comments. I have two boys. one is over two and a half. Has had a couple of tantrums when tired but that’s it. He knows he can say no to things but doesn’t unless he really truly doesn’t like whatever it is and even then he ASKS if he can avoid it.
I’ve never made him eat what he doesn’t like because he eats everything except lettuce so I let that one thing go and don’t force the issue even though it’s left on his plate every time.
I don’t think I’ve done anything magical at all. Just really really lucky.
the other boy is 10 months old and very similar in temperament. both are red heads
The choice thing is good, but she didn’t say, “Hey, want to go to the museum now?” She isn’t new! Hahah both my boys did the no thing for a while. It’s a stage, i guess.
My bf is 31 and does this…. Ok… soon to be ex? Haha. But yeah, it’s a power thing, nephew does it too at 10
We’ve banned any sentences beginning with “No” or “But”. They are allowed to object to stuff but they have to find a positive way of saying it. I’m only doing this for my amusement because I’m a sicko parent like that. 😉
I must be a sicko, too; our nearly-five-year-old daughter has to say, “I’d prefer…” or “I’d rather…” or “I’m not very fond of…” or some other such nicety when she has a negative opinion! She’ll also go around all the items on her dinner plate and say how much she likes them…and conspicuously skip over something (sometimes even with a pause as she looks at it) that she doesn’t like. 🙂
I’m in it now…NO!!!3 much more difficult than 2!
I am of the firm belief that whoever coined the term “terrible twos” tragically lost their child before they hit three. At two they are experimenting. At three, they know exactly what they are doing and are perfecting their technique.
My son 18 mo, not talking yet,shakes his head vigorously at any question. Unless its about going for a drive or taking a bath!
That reminds me of a little 3 year old girl I used to babysit. She was so used to saying no she said everytime she answered a question. “What’s your name?” “No! Jessica.” “How old are you?” “No! Three.”
my little boy’s at the imitating phase. Maybe have a drink from the water bottle instead of emptying it on the floor? His interpretation: NOOOOO! I feel like an evil dictator.
They just say no because we say no so much.
“Mommy, can I have a juice box?”
No
“Mommy can we play on your iPad”
No
“dad can I stay up late to watch the end of the game”
No
And on and on and on. I feel like a no machine.
My son is 2.5. When he started with saying “no” to everything, I thought it was just a mood. But I knew that we were in for it when it was noon on a sunny day and I remarked, “Oh! The sun is out!” and he replied “NO, IT’S NOT!”. Forget about asking him if he wants to do something. I don’t even have to be talking to him and he jumps in with “NO!” Sigh…
Don’t forget the corollary:
Mom: “Dinnertime!”
Boy: “But I don’t like it!” (wait for it…) “What’s for dinner?”
Aargh.
I am always tempted, when my kids do that, to just leave. Like, what if all of us just got in the car and left without them, “Fine, OK, see ya!” And then we just vacated.
I’m not saying we would actually leave our small children for extended periods of time, but I would be so eager to find out what would happen. Then what would they say the next time I said it was time to go???
I feel a little lack of empathy in the comments here. What if someone came up to you in the morning and tell you : well from now on you have to do everything when I tell you t. You get up in the morning when I say so, you get your clothes on when I tell you and I tell you which clothes to wear, what and when you eat, when you should go to the loo (even though you dont feel the need), when to go out of the house and where to go, when, what and how much television your allowed to watch and when to go to bed and sleep although you dont feel tired I realize that as a parent you MUST do all this because kids dont always know what is best for them. But to call them impossible and difficult just because they are trying to decide sometimes for themselves that is belittling to another human being and free spirit – they are not our slaves and I would worry more if a child didnt say no…..
That’s basically how my husband reacts any time we have to go somewhere. Sheesh, they never quite grow out of this phase.
my kids seem to find it funny to do anything but get in the car when we go places. I can get them out the door fine but as soon as i tell them to get in the car they are running around my yard.. playing ball in the garage.. hopping on their bikes.. by that time im exhausted and so unless its somewhere important i dont even try anymore lol
Totally understand! It’s like instinctual, that no.
My 4 year old boy very cleverly says “no thank you” instead of just no, thereby removing all power I have to tell him off because he’s so very polite about his irrational refusals.
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