Immoral Crackers

I love it when Crappy Boy tries on a new word and gets it just wrong enough that it creates a different word. Like this…

Crappy Boy is eating cheese crackers.  

He munches on one and then looks up at me and says: 


Wow, really? How could that be? They are organic and everything! 

Wait a minute. This can’t be right. Maybe I misheard him.  


And he explains…



Those damn immoral elves. 


Apparently, Crappy Papa told him about the LOTR elves and immortality because they saw a cardboard cutout of Legolas in a store recently.

I think this means he still believes in elves. Yay! Elves are awesome. (Immoral ones excluded.)

This entry was posted in crappy pictures, five, food, language, learning, pretend. Bookmark the permalink.

214 Responses to Immoral Crackers

  1. Kasi says:

    Bahaha! Those darn immoral elves….gotta watch out for them!

  2. Sarah says:

    Lol, this happens here too.

  3. jenn says:

    LOL, “immoral” elves is hilarious!

    My daughter calls pineapples “piney balls”!

  4. Karen says:

    Those damn immoral elves are always messing things up!

  5. Trina says:

    Bwaawaawaa! I laughed out loud at work!

  6. Leah says:

    Good one! That’s like my son calling my dad’s prosthetic leg his “prophetic leg.” ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Rainyday says:

    Love it!
    My boys say stuff like this all the time too, but for the life of me I can’t think of any examples. Darned mommy brain.

  8. Tina says:

    My daughter used to call parmesan cheese, farmer johns cheese! I don’t know how eating crackers makes him immortal or immoral!

  9. Heather says:

    My daughter calls corn on the cob ” corn on
    the knob”!

    • Cathy says:

      One year we were talking about the fact that summer was quickly approaching. My young son said, “I can’t wait for corn on the bone!”

  10. Adrienne says:

    Ah yes…little children learning new words. Almost every day, I have to correct my 3 year old on the pronunciation of new-to-him words. It’s like this scene from Step Brothers:

    Pam: (Interviewing Brennan) Well, Brennan you certainly have had a lot of jobs.
    Brennan: I’m a bit of a spark plug…and, Human Resources Lady, I think…
    Pam: You know, actually, it’s Pam.
    Brennan: I’m sorry. Well, Pan…
    Pam: No, my name is PAM.
    Brennan: Are you saying Pam? or Pan?
    Pam: I’m saying Pam. Yeah, I’m sorry, who is this gentlemen behind you? (Dale pokes his head out from behind Brennan)
    Dale: Hello, Ms. Lady! I’m Dale, I’m Brennan’s stepbrother, and I think I may be able to help with the Pan-Pam dilemma.
    Brennan: Yeah, that’d be great.
    Dale: Pan.
    Pam: Pam.
    Brennan: Pand…There’s a D on the end.
    Dale: With an M.
    Pam: There’s no D. it’s Pam.
    Dale: It’s like “Comb” except P-A-N-M. N-N. There’s two N’s.
    Brennan: Two M’s. That was the confusion.

  11. Meg says:

    My eldest, who is now ten, gets the words right, but then overuses them or misuses them. Of course, all children abuse the word “unfair”, because any time they don’t get what they want it’s “so unfair”. But she’s recently taken to using the word “inappropriate” a lot, she uses it to mean she doesn’t like something. I suspect it’s used at school instead of old-fashioned “bad”. Often she tells me her dinner is inappropriate. I’m sorry to say I laugh at her when she does this. Probably means I’m a terrible mother.

    • amber says:

      Ha, dinner is inappropriate! That is funny!

      • Christine says:

        When my first was little, she thought tasty meant gross. It came from a Johnny and the Sprites short about how you should share your lettuce with your friends. She didn’t like lettuce, so when the mole said, “But it’s so tasty!” she thought that meant bad. It was so funny.

  12. billie says:

    I love it when that happens! One time my son was telling me about a show he watched in NatGeo where a guy got impaled by a swordfish. He exclaimed, “Yeah! And he had eternal bleeding and everything!”

  13. Sara says:

    My daughter may have overheard me once or twice calling the dog/husband/etc. a ‘pain in the behind’….then one day I heard her telling her little brother he was a pain in the BEEHIVE! That is now the favorite expression around our house. ๐Ÿ™‚

  14. Kate says:

    I’m glad to see we’re not the only LOTR nerds spreading our nerdiness onto the next generation! ๐Ÿ™‚


  15. Laura says:

    I tried to get my little girl to stop saying ‘what’ all the time, so taught her the word ‘pardon’. So now, when she mishears something you say, she’ll go around saying ‘garden?’ I didn’t get it the first time, why she was repeating ‘garden’ over and over, so kept saying ‘garden what? I don’t understand!’ resulted in a shout in her biggest shouting voice ‘WHAT IS GARDEN!! GARDEN IS POLITE!!’

  16. Rikki says:

    My daughter used to call Mac n’ cheese “monkey cheese”.

  17. Kali says:

    Ah, yes Lembas bread.
    “One small bite is enough to fill the stomach of a grown man.”
    Why do I know this?

  18. shelley robertson says:

    My 4 year old told me her stuffed reindeer is “turnal”. “What?” I asked. “Turnal. It’s awake in the daytime”. Ahh… Turnal! The opposite of not-turnal.

  19. Marina D-K says:


  20. Val says:

    Haha! Cute! My five yr old son used to call Parmesan ‘Tom Bergeron’. Lol! It’s harder to say than the actual word! I think he and his dad watched too much AFV ๐Ÿ™‚ We sent a video in, but they prob thought we got him to do it…

  21. Desiree says:

    lol when we go pick berries my 3 year old keeps telling me the fairies are slapping him because he is stealing their food. Meanwhile it’s mosquitos.

  22. Jen says:

    Haha immoral elves…also a pretty impressive addition to his vocabulary (even if he doesn’t realize it yet).

    My 4 year old likes to ask me about books I have read/am reading, so he knows all of the LOTR characters as well. He has always had this thing where he likes to twist my rings around, especially when he is tired, so he now goes into this creepy whisper and will say “me wants my preciousssss”.

  23. Tania says:

    When my sister was little our brother had a Terminator action figure that spoke and it said the catch phrase ‘hasta la vista baby” (sp?), she thought he was saying “Happy Easter Baby” and for years that was how she said goodbye to people.

  24. Jennie says:

    My absolute favorite thing my daughter goofed up saying was DMV. She called it the damnV. I always giggled so hard. Especially since we were going there 3 times in one week for their goof up.

  25. Natalie says:

    I wish I could say it was my kids, but it wasn’t. It was me. About 15 years ago… I was horsing around with my folks, and during the wresting match my dad raised his arm and his. Pit-hair. Touched. Me. (Quite traumatic for a 12 year old girl). I tried to liken it to the “tentacles” of a sea monster….. But what I actually said was, “Oh my God! His testicles are gonna get me!” #stillhaventliveditdown #non-creepy-vocabfail

  26. Mama Thairsih says:

    We took our 22-month old to Denny’s this week and it was decorated for the 4th of July. She was so excited to recognize the decorations she kept yelling, “Look, Mama, a [flag]!” … But without being able to pronounce the L sound yet. Oh dear. I just kept trying to repeat loudly, “Yes, a FLAG!” hoping people would laugh and not be offended…

    • Jen says:

      Those are always the times they start yelling, too! My two year old has that problem, only she says fag instead of tag. “Mommy, cut the fag” isn’t really something I want to hear in the middle of storytime!

      • KiwiBunnz says:

        My son has this problem with “clock”…

        • Paige says:

          haha – my 5 y.o. had hearing issues until we got tubes put in at 3… and until the tubes were done, we did NOT discuss SOCKS in public!! LOL!! Amazingly enough, the night he came home from his surgery, he could finally pronounce it correctly… *whew*

      • Stephanie says:

        Mine had this problem with “truck”. Yep, the big F-bomb. For MONTHS! The kids at church would show him trucks just to get him to say it.

        • Michelle M says:

          LOL …. my mom loves to tell the story of how I was obsessed with “Kentucky” Fried Chicken as a toddler – only I couldn’t say “Kentucky” as I was only about 2 years old. She said I used to proclaim loudly in the grocery store, “I don’t want you to make chicken, I want F*@#ky Fried Chicken!” 38 years later and I’m still hearing about that one! ๐Ÿ™‚

  27. Kimba says:

    Those made-up words continue on in my house even though my children are grown. A personal fave was from my son who wanted to use ‘geez o petes!’ and it came out as “cheese’o’wheats!”

  28. Emily says:

    My mother started a book for each of her grandchildren with all of their funny quotes and some of the silly things they have done. It is so fun to go back and read them.

  29. Jessica says:

    Much to my husband’s chagrin, our daughter refers to her Leapster as her “cooter.” You’ve never heard such perfect diction as when he corrects her!

  30. Lisa MH says:

    My son calls socks “cocks.” We laugh everytime he says “I found Batman cock!”

    We should really work on that one.

    • Erin says:

      Mine too! Makes us laugh every time too. Best is when he finds one of his father’s socks. “Daddy cocks?”

    • Ciara says:

      My daughter says cock instead of “clock” or “talk”… it has given birth to many more embarrassing situations than I can count.

      For example, the time when she yelled out at a dinner party “NO. MORE. COCK!” to our guests (who were apparently talking too much)

      Or the time she spied a clock behind the bakery counter at Fred Meyer and yelled out “Look mommy! I see a BIG cock back there!” …yeah, that one turned a few heads.

  31. Gabrielle says:

    When my daughter first noticed the Disney princesses that are, y’know, everywhere, she wanted to hear their names and recite them back to us. “I see Ariel, Snow White, and Mozzarella!” (Cinderella, with an upgrade in my opinion.)

  32. becky dodson says:

    i would get so immoral with legolas…

  33. Shelley West says:

    Too cute!

  34. Kate says:

    We lived on the coast when my neices were very little. The older one loved announcing every bridge and the younger one was delighted with shellfish. But Unfortunatly every car trip was a chorus of loud, excited, explitives! “Bridge! Bridge! Bridge! and A Crab! A Crab!” Don’t come out right when you’re that little!

  35. Anna-Marie says:

    My son (4) was munching on a plate of baby octopus one time and proclaimed (loudly!) that “octopus have eight testicles!” DH and I laughed. Hard.

  36. Melanie says:

    as a kid i loved grilled cheese, but couldn’t quite get the words out. my mother always said i was the creator of the “girl cheese sandwich”.

    • Denise says:

      We also enjoy “girl cheeses” courtesy of my son! I used to tell my daughter “I love you to pieces.” One day she said, “Mommy, I love you to pizzas too.” Who doesn’t like pizza?

  37. M says:

    Our firstborn couldn’t say the R sound. It was adorable, until one day in a fairly nice restaurant, she dropped her fork. And called loudly for it…”Fork! Fork! Fork!”

    Except without the R sound…it didn’t sound like FORK.


  38. Beth says:

    Too cute. Last year my then-3-year-old told me his favorite plant was the “famous” fly trap. ๐Ÿ™‚

  39. Danika says:

    Ours calls caramel corn, “Carnal corn.”

  40. Kelli says:

    Being from the South, one of the sayings that you hear a lot is, “Hold your horses!”, meaning,for those who might not know, to slow down. The other day, I was walking somewhere with my 2 year old and apparently I was walking too fast for her because she said, “Mama…hold your nurses!” Huh? ‘Nurses’ are her word for boobs…lol. It took me a minute to figure out why I needed to hold my boobs. ;p Needless to say, I walked a little slower after that!

  41. Karen Shea says:

    My 4 year-old son told me the other day that we could probably find it at “Toys Or Else” — seriously, how is that NOT the name of that store??

  42. Melanie says:

    My Mr3 year old calls bras “boobs” and “boob things”.
    Walking past lingerie section of department store “Mummy look at all those pretty boobs”
    *walk faster while giggling insanely*

    • Stephanie says:

      My daughter calls them “poofs” and must feel each one as we walk down the main aisle in Target.

    • Trisha_K says:

      My 2.5 year old daughter calls them “goobs”, and I die laughint EVERY single time she says it!

  43. lol. that’s a good one.

    My toddler’s “almost” word is calling his friend Teddy “Teh-day”. Sounds like today.

  44. Iggy says:

    Heh heh. My 3 year old calls her magic wand her magic blonde. She also once said to me that she was sick and had a beaver (fever).

  45. Beth says:

    I just wrote a blog on this very thing, except your’s is MUCH funnier and these comments have me snorting and wheezing like a deranged lunatic.

    My favorite thing my 3 year old said recently:
    He put one of his play food’s down my shirt and said, “Look Momma, you got a pickle in your boobs!”

    He is is father’s son. For sure.

  46. Christina F. says:

    When we were little, my sister would scream “I’m not ticklish!”, but really mean she didn’t want to be tickled. Because she certainly IS ticklish!

  47. emily g says:

    My son can not for life of him say ‘airplane.’ It is, don’t you know, a ‘hair plane.’ And computers are ‘pooters.’ Sometimes they are even ‘peters.’ The language of our littles is so complex. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  48. Amy Keffer says:

    Yeah, my own Crappy Baby has had issues with both “frog” and “fork”–eliminating the “R” sound creates some eyebrow-raising incidents when she’s exclaiming over a rather large frog or asking adamantly where her fork is. *sigh*

  49. Ellie says:

    Did his dad tell him about lembas bread, then? ๐Ÿ™‚

    • amber says:

      Maybe he did and that is how he got it confused, thinking that the lembas bread was what made them immortal. Totally possible!

  50. Colleen says:

    When my niece was little, my sister went to get her from a long nap and exclaimed that her diaper was “Soakin’ wet!”. Later when she wasn’t getting her way, my niece told my sister she was “Soakin’ mad!” We all use “soakin'” now to stress all sorts of stuff.

    • Meg says:

      Oh, yes, my friend’s son used to use boiling in the same way. From when he’d reach for something hot and his mother would say “don’t touch that, it’s boiling hot!”. So if he had a lot of fun it was “boiling fun”.

  51. rebecca says:

    my son often yells out “illiterate” – he is 3

  52. Annie says:

    I love this. My five-year-old is adamant that Chuck E. Cheese is actually called Chuckie Cheez-Its. Nothing will convince him otherwise. =)

    • annie says:

      My daughter used to tell me she loved Jesus all the time. Then one day we drove past Chuck E. Cheese’s and she said “look, mommy, Chuckie Jesus” Oooooh, no WONDER she loves Jesus so much LOL!

  53. Elena says:

    A friend of mine’s little boy has a new favorite word: clock. Which he says constantly. Except he can’t pronounce the “l” so…

  54. Manjari says:

    For my little girl, raspberries are raspbabies. We couldn’t help but nurture that one, because really, “raspbabies” is a much cuter word for them. Bluebabies (blueberries) also works, but we discovered that blackbabies (blackberries) didn’t sound so great.

    On a different note, we have some Australian friends, and she wondered why they say things differently than we do. I explained to her about accents, so now every time she hears someone say something differently she explains to us that that person has an “accident,” and that is why they say it that way. It’s too cute to correct her. Yeah, yeah, we’ll pay her therapy bills when she gets older.

    • Coleen says:

      I enjoy the cuteness of mispronounced words, so rarely ever corrected, unless it sounded inappropriate or presisted into the school years. Flip Flops were Flop Flpos and pine cones were pine corns. ๐Ÿ™‚

    • Ro says:


  55. Sarah Gill says:

    Elves r awesome, ESP LOTR elves…. We just have Robots, according to my 4yo boy, those darn robots have broken things…mostly in my room… Weird… ๐Ÿ™‚

  56. jackie says:

    My 4 yo can almost say “restaurant”, it comes out “restonaut”. I bet it’d be fun to eat in a restaurant with an astronaut theme.

  57. Laura says:

    My daughter sometimes gets a bad case of “pine cones and needles” in her leg when sitting in one position too long.

    She also likes to play super hero and pretend her little brother is her “psychic”.

  58. Karen says:

    One of my youngsters was relating the story of how a zoo had to capture an escaped tiger and told me that “they had to shoot it with a tantalizing dart.” I laughed out loud and then thought to myself, “oooh, I want one of those!”

  59. Coleen says:

    LOL, my 2nd child’s first word was “kitty”, but he said his K’s like T’s…

  60. Bricia says:

    My favorite part, if there is such a thing in this blog is:

    “Wow, really? How could that be? They are organic and everything!”

  61. karie jewell says:

    I wonder….have the immoral elves met the inappropriate elf from lol!!!!

    • amber says:

      Those must be the immoral elves he was talking about! (Was very careful not to let him see the computer when I was looking at the entries for the contest!)

  62. Jennie says:

    My daughter’s favorite Chinese dish is teriyaki chicken, only she used to pronounce it “very yucky chicken” lol. It was so embarrassing when the waitress asked how our meal was and my daughter yelled “I had very yucky chicken!”

  63. Polly says:

    My daughter came into me and said very indignantly ‘daddy just tickled my trumpets’ (armpits). I also got a dressing down from my mother telling me I had to watch my language around our little girl as she was repeating bad words – when I queried what she was saying, it transpired she was misprouncing ‘blanket’ to ‘bollock’.

  64. LOVE this…. ๐Ÿ™‚ Thanks for sharing

  65. Janelle says:

    So far Lita is too young to pronounce anything clearly enough that we can understand or misunderstand yet.

    Although the big joke in my husband’s Sicilian family is my mishearing how they answer the phone: “Pronto! Que parla?” (hello who’s speaking?) I answered the phone when his mama called once, smartly thinking I’d impress her by speaking Sicilian, “Pronto! Que paga?” which means “hello, who’s paying?”

    Yup even his Nonna (gramma) in Sicily answers the phone this way now. I’m legendary in Sciacca too. Fabulous. Ha

    • Janelle says:

      Although I think I even typed it wrong here just now too. I think it’s (kee) not (kay) parla and I’m not certain how it’s spelled. (is it qui?) Stupid Spanish only training in HS and college. ::facepalm::

  66. Sasha says:

    Yep I love those words that aren’t quite right. We were putting my daughters favorite shoes on the other day because we were going to visit her grandmother… “Yay, Nonna’s going to be soooooo pissed!” Umm, she might have a drink or 2 but I don’t think she’ll be pissed honey. “No Mum, she’s going to be so pissed with my sparkly shoes!” Ahhhh, impressed. Just hope she hasn’t been telling all her friends about Nonna being pissed.

  67. Wendy says:

    One of my twin 3 year old girls has gotten very attached to 6 penguin stuffed animals. She has a hard time saying the word though. She yells, “I want my penis”. “where’s my penis”. “don’t touch my penis” “I need the big penis”. “momma I just saw a penis”. Sigh. My husband and I try really hard not to laugh but it is so hilarious and inappropriate at the same time.

  68. Ally says:

    Oh my gosh, I had to stop reading this while I’m at work waiting for a meeting to start, because I was laughing out loud and people are looking at me strangely. ๐Ÿ™‚ So funny.

    I’m trying to teach my son baby signs but he uses the same sign for everything, it’s actually kinda cute and funny, but not very helpful, until he figures it out!

    • S says:

      That’s a good one, and so cute.

      For a while my boy used the ‘toilet’ sign for Dada.

      I was impressed one time when he applied the only sign he knew for ‘flying thing’ (aka ‘bird’) for a mosquito, and the next time for an aeroplane.

  69. Pami says:

    Our three-year-old has a whole slew of just-for-her vocabulary, too. When she spins too fast, she gets “busy.” When she hiccups, she tells me she has the “make-ups.”

    We really started working on her diction when she discovered dump trucks, though. As others have said, the “tr” came out as an “f,” and the “p” in dump was just left off altogether. The day we finalized her adoption, the case in front of us took much longer than expected, and we had to change courtrooms, which meant crossing the street to the other building. Fortunately, the judge didn’t cross with us – three dump trucks passed by us in the time it took to cross the street, and DD was VERY excited about them. ๐Ÿ˜€

  70. Ruth says:

    A friend of mine once told me he overhead his young daughters arguing, and one said importantly to the other “oh you, you’re such a hitacrip!” Ah, he thought, she’s somehow overheard a grown up argument containing the word… hypocrit.

  71. Erika k says:

    When my oldest was about 6 we were out at a restaurant with a friend of mine and he was cold. My friend offered him her sweater and he eyed her suspiciously before loudly asking if her sweater was bisexual….. Apparently someone tried to tell him about unisexual clothes. He’s 17 now and we still laugh about it ๐Ÿ™‚

  72. Leanne says:

    My 4 year old is about to start school so we are having to correct some of her cute sayings. Our favourite is when she says “harden me” instead of “pardon me”. The other day she told me “I’m cuter than yellow”, she actually had all the words right – yellow is her favourite color. Thanks for the early morning giggles.

  73. Leila Jones says:

    ha ha yes Immoral Elves!, they are my favourite kind of elves fo shaow!

  74. Kristen M says:

    We were driving down the road and I my 8 yr old said something sarcastic to his friend. He looked at his friend who clearly didn’t get the sarcasm and said “I’m being psychotic, dude.

  75. Kim says:

    When we were little my brother used to call Spaghetti Bolognaise … Spaghetti by the Neighbours.

    Love our neighbours for feeing us ๐Ÿ˜‰

  76. I watched The Fellowship of the Rings with my 4-year-old, up until they form the Fellowship (so nothing TOO scary,) and she insisted that Legolas wasn’t an elf. “He’s too big. And he doesn’t have a pointy hat!”

  77. When I was in kindergarten, I came home and told my parents we learned all about the Penis at school. My parents were horrified. They asked for clarification. “The PENIS! You know, the Nina, the Penis, and the Santa Maria!”

  78. Pamela says:

    This is the most hilarious post I have read in a LONG time– LOL-by-myself hilarious.

    I came home when my ds was about two, and his very conservative 12 or 13yo babysitter was appalled. She said he kept saying “F**ky, f**ky, f**ky” over and over again. I was mortified. She kept saying “uh-huh, where did he get that?” indicating that I taught it to him. Um, no way! Took me like 4 more days to figure out that he was saying “funky, funky, funky” but couldn’t pronounced the “n” ::facepalm::

    Then when he was older….about 4 or 5…he was trying to sound sophisticated, I guess, and concluded *everything* he said with “upon my circumstance”. Drove me up.a.wall.

    Oh yeah– and also, around age 2 or 3, behind the requisite little old lady in the grocery store line, “Does Nana have a vagina, too?” Oh gawd…with perfect diction. At the quietest moment in the store’s history. In his “outside voice”.
    Talk about wanting to die ๐Ÿ™‚

  79. Lisa says:

    My son loves to play ring around the rosy. He requests this game by yelling “Ashes! Ashes! Down!” over and over again at top volume, but replaces the “h” with another “s”. He does this in public and invites others to play along by pointing at them while he yells, sometimes adding “you” before it. Lots of raised eyebrows so far!
    He’s my mean little king, demanding that the donkeys bow down before him.

  80. Jamie Murphy says:

    When my son was 2 he couldn’t pronounce motorcycle so instead he called them “mo fo’s”. Not sure where he got that. It would sound particularly bad when we were walking into the store from the parking lot and he would start pointing everywhere while screaming “Mo fo!”

  81. Tina O says:

    Instead of saying “reptiles”, my son says “errectiles”… And as much as we try to correct him, he says that is how he likes to say it…

  82. Heidi says:

    My son (now 17) was 3 or 4 when he pulled his most embarrassing phrase mix-up. He was helping his dad with the installation of programs on the computer. In the middle of the store he announced that he helped daddy with “masturbation”. The fact that earlier that week he had made beeping noises when the lady in front of them backed up just added insult to injury.

  83. Karla A says:

    My now 3yo used to say “farp” instead of “fart”. Being her fathers daughter, she would often announce “I farped”.

    Of course she has a little of mommy in her, too, since she belches REALLY loud then in her normal “cute little girl” voice quietly says “scuse me!”. Makes me wonder if people nearby think I have trained her to take the rap for me or something, because nothing that loud should come from such a cute little thing!

  84. Arissa says:

    I was on a road trip with my two and three year olds last week. I pointed out some low lying clouds in the valley and said, “Hey guys, look at the fog!”
    My two year old blurted out, “Hop, hop!”
    I said, “No, it’s not a frog, it’s mist!”
    My three year old shouted, “What did we miss?!”
    Sometimes I feel like it’s a Laurel and Hardy show around here..

  85. Korenna says:

    Our daughter isn’t quite 2, but is quite the talker. She hasn’t it’s hated out any unique pronounciations just yet, but she is quite fond of the phrase “good idea”

    Sometimes we repeat her statements for clarity… Last night she informed me “I’m ‘a have some ice ceem before dinner” and when I repeated “you’re going to have ice cream before dinner?” she shouted “Good idea!!!!”

    • Korenna says:

      Ummm, ok iPhone… How badly did I misspell “busted” to have it autocorrect to “it’s hated”??? Weird.

  86. Hazel says:

    Immoral – that is a good one.
    My eldest boy gets words a bit wrong, or makes up new ones like ‘upsket’ (is upset + scared). My latest fave is ‘cush cush’ (or cous cous to you and me). Brilliant. We often adopt his words for our own – they are more interesting than standard English.

    • Stephanie says:

      My kids have invented the word “crankled”. I finally figured out it’s a combination of “crinkled” and “mangled”, and pretty accurate!

  87. neal says:

    Very cute. My daughter, who is still working on her pronunciation, when she sees anyone wearing a “blue shirt,” shouts “bull sh*t!” She doesn’t understand why people at church suddenly look at her with horrified expressions, and then us, with accusing ones. I wrote about it here:

    And she doesn’t differentiate between s and sh very well. It’s fun to get her to say, “new shirt, sherlock,” and when she’s sitting on the potty, “Yook, daddy! sh*tting on the potty!”

    With the word “fork,” things get completely out of control.

    • Jamie says:


    • Krista says:

      Hahaha, too funny. We had a moment of confusion when my son learned about backhoes during some construction on our street. It sounded just like “butt hole”. My husband and I were freaking out, giggling and trying not to show him that we thought it was funny, but too late…he shouted “Butt hole! Butt hole! Butt hole!” over and over again.

  88. Jamie says:

    My 2 year old daycare kiddo says “bitch” instead of “fish” and he speaks everything in scream.
    At the movie theatre, (he’s very animated and into movies), stands on the chair and yells “WATCH OUT GUY! THE BITCH IS GOING TO GET YOU!!!”

  89. Katie Marie says:

    When my nephew was about 2 or 3 he was asking everyone for “chicken ding dong “. Took us a while to realize he wanted more eggnog . The entire family has adopted chicken ding dong as our official holiday drink ever since.

  90. Amy says:

    LOLling so hard!

    When my littlest sister was about 3 she announced she wanted a “gary”… apparently thats a sandwich…

    Whereas my 2yo calls puddings “pubbings”…

  91. Audra says:

    You should have a warning for people who (wrongly) decide to read one of your posts at work: “may cause co-worker(s) to think you’re insane if you have a tendency to laugh out loud or tear-up while laughing”

  92. Bronwyn David says:

    Wish I had a cardboard cutout of Legolas!

  93. Stefanie says:

    We will all be telling these stories on our kids all their lives. When I met my future inlaws, one of the first stories I heard about my husband was how he mispronounced “dump truck” when he was growing up. Every time they passed one at a construction site it was “Hey, look at that big dump *uck!”. What is a future wife supposed to say to that over a spaghetti dinner?

  94. teagans momma says:

    When he was smaller, my nephew was BIG into airplanes, anything military, etc…So, one day he was playing with this soldiers and making them crash. He ran up and told us that there was a big KASPLOSHION! (explosion)…he’s now 12 and we still use that word!

  95. Starle says:

    Immoral Elves! I am totally stealing that for a child adventure for LARP. Hysterical!

  96. woolies says:

    I want some immoral elves to hang out with. Think of the fun!

  97. Wendy Irene says:

    that is too dang funny! I love the misused words so much ๐Ÿ™‚

  98. Stephanie says:

    Ha! That is awesome!

    My 4yr old son’s favourite thing to say at completely wrong times is “awkward”. He even says it in that sing songy way. It’s hilarious when what just happened was not awkward. But then it is. Laughing ensues.

  99. Veronica says:

    Amber, I’ve been following you for a while. I believe this contest would be right up your alley (and you could win some cash!)

  100. gail says:

    Love this! One of my 2 yr old son’s favorite food is corn right now. He saw me shucking some yesterday, “Mommy porn?” “Honey it’s Coorn.” “want porn!” Gawd, I’m still dying.

    • Krista says:

      My 2-year old says “I’m horny!” because that is how he pronounces “hungry”. We try really hard to get him to say it the right way, because it is disconcerting when he looks up at me, hugs my leg, and says: “Mumma, I’m horny!” I am so worried he will say it to someone in public and they will be horrified.

  101. Beth says:

    My daughter, who was 3 at the time, coined the phrase “chicken paws”. This is what we now call chicken legs! You know, chicken paws.

  102. HM says:

    Last year on Memorial Day, my then-four-year-old said, “Today was Monday but we didn’t go to school because it was Immoral Day.” Now that’s a good reason to stay home!

  103. Krista says:

    My nephew recently heard the word “orgasm” but didn’t know what it meant. My sister-in-law took him to an amusement park, and as they were going down on a roller-coaster he screamed: “Oh my God, I’m having an orgasm!!!”

  104. C Smith says:

    My daughter thinks parmesan cheese is called Papa John cheese, because we get it in little packs when we order from Papa John’s Pizza. Sha also still calls lasagna, masagna. She’s almost seven , she doesn’t have many “cutieisms” left. Now I’m sad, sniff…sniff….

    • C Smith says:

      Of course, my 3 yr old calls her favorite chinese food, Elmo chicken. The rest of us still call it Sesame chicken. That does make me feel a little better ๐Ÿ™‚

  105. Cynthia says:

    When my sister was very small, she was hysterically crying for her “dookles.” My mother had no idea what a “dookles” was and was frantically offering her everything in her room, which just made my sister cry harder. I, being four years older, was also clueless and, I am sure, was just making matters worse. My mom finally hit upon the correct item and all was right in the world. She wanted her blanket.

  106. Dave says:

    My wife and I provide care for a young woman with a developmental disability. She was explaining how a relative doesn’t like it when she makes a sudden change in plans by saying, “my Aunt doesn’t like it when I do things on the sperm of the moment”

    It took everything I had not to laugh out loud. Just had to share!

  107. Sabrina says:

    My 3-year old granddaughter likes the Yo Gabba Gabba song “There’s a Party in my Tummy,” but she says “There’s a FARTy in my tummy.” Makes me laugh every time.

  108. Clare says:

    When my sister was about 8 she made a witticism that wasn’t properly appreciated. She put her hands on her hips and said “uhh! guys, I was being sarspastic!”.

  109. Kris says:

    We have a story in our family about my cousin’s youngest son. He was in a store with my aunt a few months ago and was complaining, loudly, that he wanted his pink dookie. For the life of her, my aunt could not figure out what he wanted (she thought maybe a potty break). Turns out, at the bakery at that store, they give kids a free pink COOKIE. ๐Ÿ™‚

    And closer to home, my 2-yr-old niece has an adorable little speech impediment where c’s come out as t’s. So everything is “tute” instead of “cute” (her favorite description of the moment).

  110. Maja says:

    Both of our girls have had trouble with various f-words sounding more like THE f-word. Once when our youngest was 2 and we were vacationing with my in-laws, she had been playing with a new picnic set from her grandma, unfortunately, she dropped a piece of plastic cutlery on the tile floor and it broke. She was quite distressed and yelled out what was meant to be “Fix it!”, but it came out more like “F**k it!”. I was very quick to translate for my parents-in-law!

  111. Heather says:

    Love the crumbs falling out of his mouth throughout. This is my life. My son learned the correct words for his anatomy and they come out “tentacles” and “Pinot.” makes for interesting conversations in public.

  112. a friend’s daughter (a twin) said to me: “we’re eternal twins.” i think she met fraternal.

  113. Gayle says:

    As a 3 year old with an English accent, my Scottish granda had trouble understanding me. One night at bedtime he turned my bedroom upside down looking for a tartan shirt. He got more frantic until my older sister pointed out I wanted the curtains shut.

  114. Cassie says:

    When my daughter was about 18 months old she would say she was “horny” instead of hungry. She was so cute and tiny and she really did have a good vocabulary for her age. There she was, sippy cup in hand as she announced to a room full of people -” Mama, I so horny”… hahahaha ๐Ÿ™‚

  115. Lisa says:

    Oh thank you everyone, I laughed so hard at all of these! Treasure your kids and their wonderful craziness.

  116. Steph says:

    I know I’m late to the party but wanted to share anyway. My now 22 year old little brother called olives “wubbees”. Okay. He liked black “wubbees”, one on each fingertip for a snack. Then he started telling us “Wubbee you!” since olives are wubbees then olive must mean I love. He asked me with all seriousness regarding my boyfriend/now husband, “Is he your wubberboy?” That stuck. Yup, I’m still with my wubberboy, 19 years later. Life is good. Kids are hilarious.

  117. Janet says:

    My now fourteen-year-old daughter told her Grammy that she wanted to play Garbanzo. Turned out what she really wanted to play was Rapunzel.

  118. Laurel says:

    I have a good one from when my sister was little, she was telling us all how bears go into carbonation in the winter!

  119. Hi just wanted to give you a brief heads up and let you know a few of the pictures aren’t loading correctly. I’m not sure why but I think its a linking issue. I’ve tried it in two different web browsers and both show the same results.

  120. Jasmine in Jazzyland says:

    When my mom and I went to get the kids from school, my little brother and his friends piled into the car looking panicked. We wondered why until one exclaimed,
    “There’s a cooter on the loose!”
    We tried so hard not to laugh.
    “A WHAT is on the loose?”
    My little brother says,
    “It’s a cooter! Two of them!”
    “Um…” Stifled giggles. “What is a cooter?”
    “It’s a momma baby!”
    “Yeah, it’s a momma baby!”
    After, our slightly older girl explained that a COUGAR had escaped from the local zoo. A baby and a momma cougar.
    Heehee. Kids are funny.