Why Five-Year-Olds Can’t Drive

 So we are walking to the car and Crappy Boy asks:

drive1

The answer is no. He can’t drive.

drive2

He asks me why he can’t drive.

So I tell him he isn’t old enough to drive. He is five. 

He asks:

drive10

He sounds a little offended. You see, he takes incredible pride in being five. Five, to him, is old. He can do anything at this age!  

So I explain that he has to be older:

drive3

He has to be 16. (I know, technically with an adult and a permit he can drive at 15. But I’m just keeping it simple here, okay?) 

drive4

He asks me why 16 is the magical driving age. I blather on about being mature at that age or some shit. (Yes, I know there is a push to raise the US driving age to 18. Do. Not. Care. Also, this is irrelevant to this story. Also? Do. not. care.)

drive 5

He asks what “mature” means and I tell him something about making good choices. (Because we all know that 16-year-olds make only good choices.) 

drive 6

So he explains that he makes good choices and is, thus, mature. Oops. Fail. Can’t argue with that one. So I add something about being “fully grown” and then I repeat the age 16 thing. It is just the way it is. 

drive2

And again, he wants to know why it is the way it is. Sigh.

So I say that thing I don’t say too often. It is a distant cousin of “because I said so” and I only resort to it when I’ve explored other avenues of explanation. 

drive7

Getting the law involved seems to work. He knows it is out of my hands. (No, I don’t say “it’s the law” when he asks why he has to go to bed at night. Tempting though, tempting.)

I think for a moment that he is going to drop the subject. He is quiet for a bit.

Then he suddenly says:

drive 8

drive 9

Yeah, okay. 

And this is why five-year-olds can’t drive. 

——————————


Also? When. I. Write. With. Periods. After. Each. Word. I. Sound. Like. A. Robot. So. I. Can’t. Stop. Doing. It. Please. Help.  

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133 Responses to Why Five-Year-Olds Can’t Drive

  1. Jo says:

    Also cos he wouldn’t be able to see out the windscreen or reach the pedals 🙂

    • sara says:

      But Little People can drive so that gets complicated.

    • LibDurk says:

      This is how we finally convinced my 85 year old grandmother to quit driving. You have to be able to BOTH see out the windshield AND reach the pedals. At the SAME time!

      • Erin says:

        That didn’t stop my 98 year old grandma from driving (she used a pillow and looked out from under the wheel) and the DMV gave her a new license until the age of 102 without a test!

        For the kiddo, I tell her that she has to reach the pedals and touch the wheel before she can ask again. It has worked so far.

  2. katrina says:

    LOL I swear I’ve had this exact same conversation practically!

  3. Mandy says:

    Ahahahaha!!! Sounds like something my 6 year old and I would have a discussion about.

  4. kayleigh says:

    This makes me laugh so much. My 4 year old (when still 3) told me if I bought him a Daddy beard, they would think he was a Daddy and let him drive! His since decided that his feet wouldnt reach the pedals and its more fun to pretend to fall asleep in the car so you have to be carried to the house then surprise everyone with the fact your awake and actually feeling quite hyper

    • amber says:

      Hey, Crappy Boy does that fake sleeping/carry him in the house thing too! The moment we gently lay him on the bed his eyes fly open and he jumps up. He gets me every time.

    • Stephanie says:

      My 3 year old daughter is a fake sleep pro. She learned it from her daddy who would pretend to be asleep so HIS daddy would carry him in. He’d open his eyes at smile at his mom walking behind them every time.

    • Raphaelle says:

      my sister used to do the fake sleeping thing all the time to make sure she didn’t help with carrying the luggage or groceries or anything back inside our apartment. We (my brothers and myself) would say something along the lines of: “look Gabrielle is asleep, maybe we should try and put a firecracker in her mouth…”
      Trust me, she didn’t keep her eyes closed for long if she wasn’t really asleep 🙂 (Because, yes, we would have. Probably.)

  5. Heather says:

    I <3 this.

  6. Emily says:

    I had to pull my son (he’ll be 2 in June) out of the driver’s seat the other day, kicking and screaming. Somehow he thought that because he got there first I’d let him drive… right…

    • meganleiann says:

      Right?!

    • Mama Meerkat says:

      Haha, mine started campaigning to drive when she was 2…

    • Colleen says:

      Same here! We have epic fights over who can hold the car keys. #1 car rule (Thankfully NOT learned the hard way): If child is in car without you, maintain possession of keys at. all. times.

    • Erin says:

      I have had this same thing happen with my 2 year old son! i tried to put him in his seat and he flung himself to the front seat quicker than air. I had to drag him to his seat and do the seat belt ninja moves that Amber talks about as a result. The nerve of me not letting him drive!

  7. Meg says:

    OMG! I’ve had this conversation! I thought it was only my son who was confused as to exactly what constitutes “fun”! Seriously, thank you for posting this because I was honestly starting to get worried.

    • amber says:

      It is ALL about the crashy cars!

      • Ceri says:

        Until you crash your car with them in it. I mean not a bad crash, but one that runs the tire into the curb because your SO excited about the fire truck on your left you start to miss your turn, and then you should have driven past it but you don’t because your stupid, and don’t quite make it and hit the curb with your child in the back seat and pop the tire and break the wheel. I think that automatically gave him a back seat drivers license. I was completely done in a few months later when I then rear ended a car and we ended up in a rental. Now I am told, mom be careful if your not, you will crash our car!!! awesome. not. so much. And I am NOT a bad driver I promise!

  8. valleygirl says:

    CUTE!

  9. Sarah says:

    Ha! My son just turned 5 and we gave him a little power wheels dune buggy for his birthday… big mistake. He thinks that since he’s “mastered” driving at 5mph he can drive “real” cars. (When I say mastered I mean he no longer rams the car into the porch, tree, bush, garage, etc. on a regular basis..

  10. Amanda says:

    Conversation with my daughter on the way to daycare
    Her – Mommy, I drive to school
    Me – Do you have your driver’s license?
    Her – Yes
    Me – Oh? When did you get it?
    Her – Ummm, Tuesday. Mommy, I drive to school with my driver’s license?

    She was 20 months at the time! 16 is a very long time from now!

  11. stacy marie says:

    hahahahaha!!! i’ve had this conversation before!!! i told my kids the reasons they can’t drive… not old enough, can’t reach pedals, you don’t have a driver’s license and you don’t have insurance!!!

  12. Rosie says:

    There are times when I wish I could crash into other cars! Drivers in my town are awful! Of course when the kiddos aren’t in the car 😉

  13. Mistie Jones says:

    True story: My cousin lives in rural Wyoming and they leave their family Suburban at the bus stop sometimes for carpooling. One day a couple of weeks ago was such a day. As her *seven* year old boy stepped off the school bus, there wasn’t anyone there (yet), as he saw the Suburban sitting there he walked over and got in (rural town where everyone knows everyone=unlocked car, with keys, apparently), found the keys, started the *Suburban* and DROVE HOME. Not a little Geo or something, a Suburban. They live a few miles outside of outside of “town” and he drove. I think my cousin had a stroke. They had a talk about it but she obviously can’t use the “Seven year olds can’t drive” argument now.

    • amber says:

      Oh my goodness, so happy that this is a story to laugh at because everyone was fine! But yet, as a mother, it is also terrifying!

  14. Laura says:

    I hear you can buy fake IDs form China for 300 bucks—75 if you get more than 20 🙂

  15. Lisa S says:

    YES! Though I dare say my five year old often makes better choices than his 16 y/o sister.

  16. Sara says:

    Ok, the timing of this is a little creepy. Almost every morning, my almost-5-year-old goes outside to play for a few minutes before we leave. During that time, sometimes I have the car warming up, sometimes not-he’s usually in the back yard, no where near the car. He has never shown interest in the warming car. This morning I was on my way back outside, and I happened to look out the window and he was in the driver’s seat of the car! The car is on, and he’s happily steering the wheel and pushing buttons. I literally dropped everything in my hands (lunch went flying) and sprinted outside, terrified he would either put the car in reverse and back into the road, or drive himself forward into the house. I made it in time (despite feeling like a whale, I’m very pregnant, I was lightning fast!) and when I got to him I very seriously told him how he could never ever ever do that! I didn’t yell, but he could tell I was freaked out. “ok, mommy. sorry” was his response. He has honestly never even opened the car door from the outside before in his life and this morning he opened every single one.

  17. anissa says:

    You. Totally. Make. My. Day. 🙂 (robot voice)

  18. Corinne says:

    sounds familiar. My little guy asks me all the time why I don’t crash into the other cars.

    • amber says:

      Yep. Both of mine talk about crashing (while we are driving) about 80% of the time. It makes for GREAT car conversation, let me tell you.

      • Lucinda says:

        Do you also get the comments “Too fast Mama!” or “That was close!”?

        It wasn’t and it wasn’t!

        • Samantha says:

          My 3-yr-old screams at me as SOON as he sees the light ahead turn yellow. “SLOW DOWN MOMMY!!! Mommy, you have to SLOW DOWN!!!!!” The light is seriously a full half-mile ahead.

        • turtlebella says:

          Perhaps I have a weird kid. She just wants us to drive faster. “Faster, Mami, faster!” I blame her dad, who when she was a baby and she was fussy in her car seat would speed up because the more bumps we hit in quicker succession (we live in Minneosta = bad roads), the happier she was.

          Also, I am contractually obligated to try to catch up with any school bus, semi-truck, or city bus that is ahead of us on the road. “Hurry, Mami! You have to CATCH UP! Da Shhhool bus is getting AWAY! Hurry!” Sigh. I knew I shouldn’t have turned her car seat forward-facing.

      • turtlebella says:

        Also, our car conversations usually have to do with what kind of car/truck THAT car is. The “that” also requires me to turn around and risk all our lives so I can see what she is pointing at or she gets very very MAD. SUV? Sedan? Semi-truck? Pick-up truck? Tanker truck? Excavator or bulldozer on the side of the road? Maybe a crane truck? Let’s list every single color on the vehicle, don’t forget trim. Oh! There are LETTERS on the side of that semi. Wait, don’t drive past it cos then we can’t list all the letters that are on there. And of course, WHY.
        Three year olds can exhaust a topic like no one else….

        • shadowkate says:

          Oh man. That is my 3 year old son too. We’ve had to have talks about how ‘mommy is driving and can’t see what you are pointing at.’ which just leads to more “whys”. In addition, lately everything is “what it made of” followed by the endless ‘whys’.

  19. Jess says:

    I. love. this. post. but. now. I. am. also. a. robot. and. its. all. your. fault. Seriously, that last line made me spit out my water!

  20. Meg says:

    My 3 year old thinks he can’t drive because he can’t reach the pedals. He’s not wrong, and yet…

  21. Bethany Eskro says:

    I’m convinced that little boys are some funniest people on this earth.

  22. Karin says:

    Had this conversation with my 3 year old. His take was “and then I’d go by O and W (his friends) and we’d race!”. Eek.

  23. Jami says:

    Then when he turns 16, if you move to a larger city than he isn’t used to, driving will scare the pooshizz out of him, and he will make you do it all the time! Mature, my gas tank. 😉

    “It’s the law” is my new answer for everything. My crappy teenager will be 18 in May, but he still believes me sometimes…….I’ll just start using it on my DH too – for practice.

    • LiteralDan says:

      I was that kid, myself. I think it was mostly a social-anxiety issue (with all the conventions and expectations of other people), and the high downside/risk, but it was also sheer boredom at the idea. Things were great at my house, I felt so much more comfortable there (again with the social anxiety), so I had no pressing desire to “escape” in a car at 16.

      I’d love to be a stunt driver, NASCAR driver, getaway driver, etc., but as far as routine, errand-running driving (especially in a major metropolitan area… ugh, traffic), I say, there’s a reason the truly wealthy hire chauffeurs, and city folk take cabs everywhere. The list goes on. I’d much rather look out the window, read, or nap during that time (a la Arcade Fire’s “In the Backseat”).

      I’m sure he’ll eventually give up and start driving himself around, maybe in college. If for no other reason than to at least “do it the right way”, or maybe to have control of the radio. Good luck!

      • Jami says:

        🙂 Thanks! He lives with his mom (I’m his stepmom but he’s mine no matter what I am), so he lives in a very small town where he drives all over the place. The first year he could drive, he drove here just fine. Traffic didn’t bother him, but now 2 years later, it freaks him out. Since he’ll be going to school here in the fall, I think he’d better be comfortable with it soon, as I’m not going to be able to drive him to college 🙂

  24. Tal says:

    I just love you. That is all.

  25. WandaS says:

    I voted for you! You would have been 1st if you didn’t wait until the very last minute to tell us about it!

  26. Christina says:

    So. funny. as. usual.

  27. Angie says:

    This is so funny! I had this same conversation with my daughter not a month ago. She is only seven and begging to drive to Granny’s house.

  28. Bec Hill says:

    I had a similar discussion with my 2yr old over why he can’t sit in the front seats the car. After the umpteenth “why?” in reply to every reason I gave, I gave up and pulled out the old favourite “Just because I said so!”. It gets better…. try rolling through a stop sign by mistake and see how long it takes your 5yr old to stop telling EVERYONE about the nice policeman who told Mummy off. 😉

    • Kate Sturtevant says:

      Hahahahaha! I only laugh because I too was pulled over with my then 2 year old in the car. Having them tell everyone about “the time the police officer put on his lights and pulled my mom over”, is worse than any ticket they could ever give me. Two years later and I’m STILL hearing about it.

  29. terri says:

    LOL! Your boy is so adorable! I love all your posts.

  30. Liz says:

    Your posts always make my day, thank you so much!

  31. Kim W. says:

    Why am I not hearing about the contest until now? I would have voted for you every single day!!!!! Yours is my favorite blog!

  32. Gretchen says:

    My five year old is the same way. He can do ANYTHING because he is five now, lol!

  33. Laura says:

    My 2 year old thinks she can drive. In fact every time I unbuckle her from her car seat she climbs into the front and starts pressing every single button and saying, “Momma, DRIVE!!!” I will admit she’s really good at setting my e-brake(it’s a pedal), haha.

  34. Kathleen says:

    Try explaining it to a 5-year-old whose dad then enters the room and says, “I was driving when I was five. We need to teach you.”

    • LiteralDan says:

      lol, that’s great. Dads are awesome, even when we are also idiots. (Moms are idiots in different ways.)

      For my part, I let my son get it out of his system by driving our little garden tractor last year (under controlled circumstances on our flat, 5-acre property) while I walked alongside, and it went great until he accidentally bumped the speed up to max (<7 mph) all of a sudden and quickly ran it up onto a big pile of plaster from our kitchen remodel, before I could pull the lever to stop it.

      So, from my point of view, it was a great lesson learned (for both of us!) with no damage or injuries at all, but terrible for me vs. the opinion of three generations of women, voiced by my then-4-year-old daughter, who asked repeatedly, "Why would you let a SIX-YEAR-OLD drive a TRACTOR?!?"

      I think she was just jealous.

      • KiwiBunnz says:

        Haha… my Grandad used to tie my mum to the tractor seat so she could steer while he fed the cows… when she was THREE! She is very proud of the fact. My dad let me drive when I was 13, on actual roads, but in the country where the thing I heard most was, “be careful of the cow poo…”

        • LiteralDan says:

          THAT’S what I was missing! I should have tied him to it! Maybe I’ll try that this year 😉

          I plan to take the kids driving well before 15, too, so at least the basic mechanics of it aren’t totally foreign. I’m not sure what driver’s ed is like out here in the country (I grew up in an 8-million-strong metropolitan area, myself!), so I’ll make sure they get everything covered. Including how to safely swerve around the cow poo and ever-present roadkill. (Almost always skunks, those cocky little bastards…)

      • Kathleen says:

        My kids do get to drive the golf cart and gator when they visit their grandparents on the farm. And they have “driven” a combine that has autopilot that is GPS-guided. We haven’t let them loose on a tractor or even a lawnmower, but they are learning some of the basics.

        My 5-year-old girl is far more careful than my 7-year-old boy (who wants to be a race car driver so that he can crash into other cars, or a police officer so he can drive really cool cars really fast).

  35. Beverley M says:

    Cute! My daughter is almost 4 and one day, stuck in a traffic jam on our way home, I was very tired and said something like “I’m tired, I’m going to have a nap, you can drive.” She was just shy of horrified and came up with reasons why she couldn’t drive and I had to do it as I prompted her with “Why not?” They included the fact that I was too big for her car seat (because apparently we’d have to switch spots and I couldn’t just sit in the passenger seat) and concluded with “I would smash into all the other cars!”

  36. Lucinda says:

    Love the illustrations of Crappy Boy with his hands on his hips. That’s attitude.

    My three-year-old daughter puts on a similar stance when I tell her the baby in my belly is a boy: “No it’s not, it’s a baby SISTER!!!” Hands on hips, defiant cross face. But then she descends into tears, and the attitude is gone. She really wanted a sister.

  37. Cidalio Leite says:

    The child has a good curiosity to learn. She must be a bright little gilrs!

  38. MamanMaryse says:

    My 5 year old informed me that his favorite game is “Crash and Boom”. When I asked him what that was he said “Watch this!” and took off on his bike as fast as he could go and threw himself off his bike and on the grass… This is also why 5 year olds can’t drive. 🙂

  39. Anna says:

    I think my parents used to short circuit these kinds of conversations bu asking ‘why do you think?’. Kind of gets you to the point he eventually got to without all the extra effort on your part in between;)

  40. JillyBean says:

    Oh no… We’ve set ourselves up for failure! My SIL’s car sat at my in-laws for awhile last year (non-operational), so my son was allowed to “drive” it whenever he wanted… And he “drives” my parents cars sometimes… And I’ve let him “drive” my car so I can get his car seat installed… He knows where the keys go, all about the shifter, etc! He’s TWO! Not to mention the fact that he’s gotten to ride in our laps and help steer sometimes… like if we’re moving the car to a different part of the driveway…
    I’m doomed. DOOMED! lmao

  41. Sasha says:

    I love your blog! It is hilarious and so well done. Thank you for providing such a nice break in my day to have a few laughs. 🙂 (My 1-year-old son is still too young to ask to drive, although I can definitely see it happening soon!) 🙂

  42. Kate Sturtevant says:

    I had this conversation today with my 4 year old. And his end response was “I would drive on the sidewalks because no one ever uses them anyway.” Riiiiight. Someone in *this* house may not ever get his license. 😉

  43. Jessy B says:

    Hubby was just talking to his friend about going to a place where they can ‘crash cars.’ Of course they’re talking about bumper cars, buuuut I don’t think guys ever outgrow it. lol
    For the age thing… Ugh… My 5 year old was talking to her friend about how old everyone in the house was. It was me vs. 7 kids today. The oldest is 5 (or may have just turned 6,) so it went like this:
    ‘I am 5, and A is 6, and B is 2, and T is 0, and Mommy is really old! She’s EIGHT! AND. A. HALF!’

  44. Mae says:

    At least yours only wants to drive. My 6yo can’t wait to get *married*!! He even picked out a little girl at church, proposed, and gave her a Hello Kitty ring that came out of a cupcake. He claims he can wait until he’s 7, but not much longer. The boy is OBSESSED with getting married!

    • Stephanie says:

      My 3 yr old daughter, too! She regularly mortifies her father by talking about when she’s going to have a baby and be a mommy. We’ve gotten her to agree to wait until she’s older. Her answer? “When I’m five”!

    • Jennifer J says:

      One of my daycare 3yo boys had married one of my daycare 3yo girls. Then the girl married one of the 2yo boys. We haven’t told the boys that they are both married to the same girl.

  45. I was just thinking yesterday that maybe my four-year-old SHOULD drive when he asked, “Mommy, are you SUPPOSED to be driving in the middle of the road?”

  46. Jeff Newsom says:

    My daughter is SOOO looking forward to being 16. In addition to driving she will also be able to drink water in the living room!

    • Hope Vincent says:

      That’s great! I’ve been trying to decide how old my daughter will have to be to drink in the living room. I think when she gets her drivers license is just about the right time!

  47. Melissa says:

    My 4 year old is constantly asking questions about driving: What does that sign say? Why can’t you pass here? What’s the spped limit? Also, he doles out advicel for example, when we are waiting to turn left out of preschool: Just wait your turn, Mommy. My husband and I decided that he thinks once he figures out all the driving rules that he will be allowed to drive!

  48. Talita Feuerstein says:

    My son, then 2 1/2 asked me if he could drive. I told him he could only drive when he was 16 years old. He thought about it for a while, and not understanding what that meant said: “OK, I am 16 now. Can I drive now?” Sigh. NO!

  49. Tonya says:

    I love this!!! I haven’t had this conversation yet, but I’m pretty sure this is how it would go — especially the part about crashing into the other cars. 🙂

  50. Lindsay Jobe says:

    For real! Same reason 3 yr olds can’t drive! (even though he tells me which way to go most of the time!)
    Amber- I really wish you would have won the funniest! You are so fun and really lighten this whole parenting thing! It is fun to share it with someone, because my husband is deployed! Thanks for keeping us laughing!
    Lindsay

  51. jenny says:

    you brighten my day, funny lady! I can relate to it all even though I have two crappy girls (one is really crappy lol, the other one, not so much)

  52. sarah says:

    O.m.g u. Do. Sound. Like. A. Robot.

  53. Amanda says:

    I love it. I have a 2 year old who grabs my keys and tells me he’s going to drive. I say you can’t drive. He says “Yes I can, I’m big enough and I can reach!”

  54. Charlotte says:

    And why 2 1/2 year old’s can’t drive too! My son gets all excited when we get in the car, asking if we’re going to crash the car. He looooves to crash his toy cars, but I hope he’ll never be in an actual car crash.

  55. J.B. says:

    We let my eleven year old daughter drive a golf cart (slowly) last weekend. My two year old was completely at ease since he’s been in golf carts before he was born. Yet hilariously he was the backseat driver of our group, yelling such helpful things as “watchout! There’s a bird in the road” or “here comes some guys!” Little men are hilarious!

  56. Jen says:

    I have taken another tack with my 4 and 6 year old boys. I ask them, no, BEG them to drive us home from school. “Mommy’s so tired, will you guys drive please?” “Moooom, nooooo.” “Please guys? You do the pedals and you steer. I’m going to nap in the back seat.” “Moooom, we can’t drive! We’re not teenagers yet!” (Little do they know that there are so many industrious non-teenagers going for joy rides.)

  57. Tori says:

    This vaguely reminds me of a conversation with my 4 year old daughter. When I told her she was too small to drive, she told me that she just needed one of those little cars at Toys R Us and then she could drive Eli to McDonald’s when Daddy wouldn’t take them.

  58. Ceri says:

    Love this. My son want’s to drive the “bat man mobile” all the time. I feel your pain. We have had the you have to be 16 years old conversation several times and we are a year behind you.

  59. Linda says:

    My answer generally starts with, “because you are not tall enough” but ends with me rambling about tests and the law until he loses interest.

  60. Michelle says:

    Oh my goodness…that is as good as my daughter asking why she can’t date until 16 (she is 4 !)

  61. I love your kid. Indy is 9 and would probably want to crash into things too. In Germany the driving age is 19 and that’s only after a really long and very expensive (paid by the student/parents) driving course. I’m trying to figure out how we can stay in Germany another 9 years. Oh, no wait, Han Solo is just about to turn 1, so another 18 years. Sigh.

  62. Robonanny says:

    I grew up on a farm and learned to drive when I was 11.

    My son is 5 now and _loves_ driving as much as I do, but at the indoor playground… He doesn’t like crashing because he’d rather win the race (that’s happening only in his head) than have someone slow him down by touching bumpers.

    You can tell he’s listened to me muttering about other drivers when he gets out at the end of his turn and comes back to tell me about (the ones who crashed and got in his way were) all the “ig’orant” drivers…

    He also thinks it’s hilarious to be “SatNAG” from the back seat on long journeys. He’s uncannily accurate with the style of direction given, and equally disapprovingly with his “route recalculation” when you don’t follow his instructions!

  63. Woolies says:

    LOL. Especially since I have a 16 year old who is driving, and thinks he is an absolute expert. I drove with him the other day. It involved lots of shrieks. I tried not to.
    And you don’t want to hear the story about when my 10 year old asked if he could move the car in the driveway and I said yes…..

  64. Jamie says:

    Ever count how many times a day you hear “but why?”…?

  65. Kim says:

    Thank you for the Robot talk – it’s one of my faves in this household! I love pulling out the mysterious “law”. If my 5 year old son thinks it would be fun to pee in the street, or ride in the very back of the van just “holding on”, or, yes, to drive the van. Because he’s all about justice and wants to be a police officer, he backs off immediately… Then he says “if I saw someone peeing in the street (or other similar things that are against the law) I would call the police and give them a ticket!”

    I wish I could use this for things like bedtime and hand washing too.

    Stepford. Children. Obey. The. Law.

  66. Murphy Rowan says:

    To explain the “It’s the law” part, we told the kids about auto insurance. The rule in our house is “You can drive when you’re old enough and you have a job that pays enough for your insurance.”
    That’s what my husband and I had to do, and we’re sticking with it.

  67. Laura Renauld says:

    My almost 3 year old told me to crash into the car in front of us the other day. I guess I still have the age of “why” to look forward to!

  68. Lidia says:

    Hilarious. Thanks. For. Sharing. Fellow. Robot. Mother. I. Love. Your. Blog. Must. Stop. Reading. But. Can’t. Look. Away.

  69. JJ says:

    Its funnier If u just read the pictures?!!

  70. Teresa Barney says:

    My 4 year old wants a motorcycle…because he doesn’t know to petal a bike. I tried to explain that you have to start with a bike and work up to a motorcycle. Also said he wasn’t old enough. Then I told him that he didn’t have a license. He said he did and showed me his “license” (it’s invisible). After that I told him his motorcycle was in the backyard, he has an invisible license he can have an invisible motorcycle. He didn’t find it as funny as I did.

  71. Jenni says:

    O I use the law as an excuse for almost anything. More than 1/2 hour of TV – its the teachers law, cleaning teeth – its the dentists law, not sitting in your booster seat – its definitely the law and the police will get Mummy if you don’t get back in the booster seat right now, as we are driving down the freeway…..quick, quick, I can hear a police car…(cue 9 yr old brother to play siren sounds on my iphone). Works every time!

  72. Shell says:

    I default to “It’s the law” a lot! So much easier that way.

  73. AIRIEL says:

    LOL Funny story. My 4 year old step-daughter will be in the backseat and she likes to roll the window up and down up and down. So i lock it. She says, “Airiel, how you do that?” I say, ” because if the cop sees you with your hand out the window they will take you to jail.” “You don’t want to go to jail do you?” S- ” ummmm no but why they take me to jail?” ME-” Because those are the rules!” It never ends lol Also the other day we were waiting in line somewhere and she was getting antsy and wanted to leave. I told her she had to be patient. She says to me, ” AIRIEL, I AM NOT A PATIENT IN A HOSPITAL! THOSE ARE PEOPLE WHO ARE SICK AND I AM NOT SICK!” LOLOL

  74. Janette says:

    When my son was 3, he loved to tell Grandma when to turn left or right while driving him. She would sometimes take a different route just to hear him say she was going the wrong way. But one day he suddenly yelled “STOP!” at the top of his lungs and she thought that he saw something she didn’t and actually stopped her car. He then yelled “S.T.O.P., stop sign, octaggon”. Poor Grandma! 😀

  75. TacoMagic says:

    My explanation to a youngster:

    “Because those of a younger age don’t have good impulse control. Plus, you’re distracted way too- OH SHINY!”

    *Wanders off*

  76. heather says:

    I used to tell my stepson, “because of physics.” That usually stopped all the “why” questions, at least for a little while.

    And. Today. is. Talk like. Shatner. Day. So all the periods. Are. ok.

  77. Amber, I am sure you are probably already swimming in awards, but I am nominating you for the KREATIV BLOGGER AWARD. Mostly I just want you to know that I’m in awe of your creativity, humor, and outlook on parenting. Every post makes me appreciate how ridiculously lucky I am to be a mom and how funny (both ha ha and bizarre) parenting can be at times.

    I’m pasting the rules in below, but feel free to break them all. 🙂 CONGRATULATIONS!

    The Kreativ Blogger award comes with the following rules:
    1. You must thank the person who has given you the award.
    2. Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
    3. Link the person who has nominated you for the award.
    4. Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
    5. Nominate 7 other Kreativ Bloggers.
    6. Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
    7. Leave a comment on which of the blogs to let them know they have been nominated.

  78. Cindy says:

    My son sat beside my husband on the sofa to play ‘driving’. (Which he has told me he can do when he grows up… ‘tomorrow’. (he’s 3.5yrs))
    Anyway, they are playing driving and suddenly my son says, “But I can’t drive daddy. I’m not aloud to say the ‘eff’ word.” And puts his hands down.

    (Don’t worry folks, settle down, we’re not THAT bad.)

  79. mbwest says:

    When my oldest was a wee one, he dreamt that he was driving. However, since he was a good little boy, he was driving whilst sitting in a five-point harness car seat!

  80. Val says:

    Hahaha so funny!

  81. Idan Melamed says:

    I just found this site and I have to say I am very impressed, in a crappy kind of way…

    🙂

  82. Melissa says:

    I tell my son it’s because he can’t reach the pedals =P

  83. Amanda Hill says:

    I have a five-year-old daughter, and she wonders why she can’t have her own cooking show. I told her she needed a bit more time in the kitchen. To develop a more advanced knowledge of food. And to grow boobs. Perhaps a more advanced vocabulary than “well here’s the ingredients. Add them all together and stir.” Okay so I did’t tell her about the boobs thing. But that can’t hurt. Mostly I focused on the lack of experience.

    “Hardly,” she says. “I think I know everything I need to know.” You’re right, my child. Making muffins out of a box totally counts.

    Why do they want to grow up so fast?

    Amanda Hill
    http://www.hillpen.com

  84. thinkellen says:

    Kids are often so much smarter than we give them credit for! =)

  85. shadowkate says:

    When I was three, I jumped into the front seat and tried to drive. I told my parents that since I was 3, I was a big girl now and could drive.

    My son pulled the same routine. At 2. Except he didn’t have the words for all that so he just said “me drive.”

  86. Cheryl says:

    I had the exact same conversation with my 6-year-old about two weeks ago. Biggest difference is that I jumped to “it’s the law” way quicker than you did! I also use “it’s the law” in regards to seat-belts and speed limits – he likes to tell me to drive as fast as I can.

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  89. Jessica says:

    You could’ve always just brought him to the driver’s seat and asked him if he could reach the pedals, the steering wheel, the light switch and gear shift, AND see out of all the windows and mirrors. “You have to be mature AND be able to reach all of these, and never hit any other cars!” Hands on experience might drive the concept home.

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