While Mama Was in the Bathroom (Episode 3)

First of all, I’m lying. I wasn’t in the bathroom. I was in the shower this time. Since I have this whole bathroom series going on (episode 1, episode 2) I’m just going to include it here. I probably should just rename it “what happens when mama ignores her kids for more than 60 seconds” but you get the picture…

I’m ripe. More than ripe actually, I am fermenting. I really need a shower. I’ll just do a rinse off, won’t even wash my hair. It won’t take more than three minutes. 

I tell them I’m getting in the shower. Crappy Boy is drawing. Crappy Baby is just wandering around. I suggest he play with cars or build something. He enthusiastically says he will build something and runs off. Perfect!

I’m all set! They will be occupied for at least 90 seconds. Just enough time.

I shower. I don’t even wait for the water to get fully warm. I just get in and get out.

While I’m toweling off, I yell, “What are you guys doing?!” 

Crappy Boy says “drawing”. Crappy Baby says “building something”.

Yay! Everything is fine!

I get dressed. I brush my hair. I put a little sunscreen on. I’m actually getting ready for the day. This is awesome! 

Five minutes later I enter the room where Crappy Baby has been building with blocks. But he isn’t there. The blocks are untouched. What the heck? 

Then I find him in the kitchen:

mamabathroom2

Oh. He thought I meant that kind of building. The real kind.  

Crappy Boy had just received one of those “real building sets” as a gift that includes already cut shapes of wood and glue. He made a birdhouse and a coin bank. Crappy Baby thought I was giving him permission to play with it. No wonder he reacted so enthusiastically about my suggestion earlier!

He is sitting there covered in glue. There is glue on him, on his diaper, all over the wood pieces and the floor. He didn’t know to twist the orange cap to open the glue so he just pulled the whole thing off.  

The thing is? He looks SO proud of himself. He built something!

So I ask him what he built:

mamabathroom3

This is what parents do. When your child makes scribbles on a piece of paper you ask them about it. They’ll make up some crap about how it is a dragon with a camera and you nod and say how great it is. 

I fully expect him to say he made a house. Or a car. Or some other thing that looks absolutely nothing like the mess he made. 

He looks down at his masterpiece for a moment.

Then he says:

mamabathroom4

followed by…

mamabathroom5

Ha ha ha. Yep, that is what it is! Great job! 

This entry was posted in crafting for kids, crappy pictures, parenting, terrible twos, toddlers, toys, while mama was in the bathroom. Bookmark the permalink.

156 Responses to While Mama Was in the Bathroom (Episode 3)

  1. Lisaleh says:

    Duh Mama! It’s obviously glue and wood. What are you, blind?

  2. ariana says:

    I am SO looking forward to this with our little boy!!! (due Aug 26) !

  3. My daughter once did an odd little drawing for me that I thought was of her handing me a card. But when I asked she said it was it was a big person receiving a rectangle from a small floating human. So there you go.

  4. eep says:

    Lord have mercy, it is so much funnier when it is someone else’s kid.

  5. At least he was in the kitchen and not on the carpet? ha!

  6. ale says:

    hahahahahaahhaha i love your blog xD

  7. 90 seconds? You rookie…but at least no one threw up while you were in there.

  8. Jennifer says:

    Bwahahahahaha….reminds me of the time my eldest son was 5 and decided that while I was in the shower he was going to “cook” me breakfast. I came out of the bathroom like a rocket when I smelled the smoke…he managed to ruin a spatula and a pan trying to make sausage. He didn’t get hurt and no fire, but it sure scared the crap out of me. He hasn’t really been interested in cooking since then. My reaction may have scared him for life.

  9. Karen says:

    Oh man this is funny!!!

  10. Adam L says:

    Anytime they enthusiastically agree to go do something that they’ve done a zillion times before, they’re up to no good.

  11. Del says:

    I love this, thanks for the morning laughs!!!

  12. Well, looks like you can count out architect or contractor as potential future careers…

  13. Keri says:

    hilarious!!! I love your blog so much, it makes my day every time I read it!!! :)

  14. sarah heimer says:

    LOL! So lucky it was in the kitchen, right? We had a similar paint project happen on the carpet and I’ll never get it out.

  15. Heidi says:

    HAhahaa!! oh that reminds that I need a shower…. but really? do I?

  16. Tanya says:

    I’m laughing over here at the “glue and wood?” their total honesty always throws me for a loop. I love this!

  17. Bella Rose says:

    Your blog scares me…really really scares me

  18. Rachel says:

    We get this too! My 2.5 year old likes ‘abstract’ art i.e. random squiggles that don’t look like anything. In an attempt to encourage her, I asked her if the green scribble was a tree and if this black line was a bird. She looked at me, paused and then said really slooooooooowly, “No, mummy it’s a scribbbbbbble” like I was stupid. I won’t try encouragement again!

  19. Kat Riddle says:

    yeah, due to the ignoring the kids for 90 seconds FIASCO RESULTS at our house my hubby announced that I am no longer allowed to go pee. After running around screaming don’t hurt me while the kids laughed their butts off he finally rescinded that order.

  20. This is why I always bring the little one into the bathroom with me. Never know what that kid is going to do! I love your calm response though! Thanks goodness he was in the kitchen and not on the carpet!

    • I do that, too, but last time she discovered the toilet paper roll and proceeded to unroll the whole thing. I was too busy laughing to stop her. And, she was so darn pleased with herself.

  21. So happy I found your blog says:

    This post made me cry…and I have no children. I think I need therapy. Just awesome.

  22. Amy says:

    My 20 month old did something similar recently. I got out of the shower to discover every box of cereal all over the house and him yelling “I do mama, I do!”

  23. Liz says:

    I love this, so hilarious and I’ve been there where you can’t be angry because they are so cute and oblivious to the fact that they made a giant mess.

  24. Stacy Hill says:

    That’s what baby gates at the child’s room is for! I can drop him in his room for private potty time, shower time, etc. and only have to worry about the mess in his room.

    • katie says:

      That works until they can climb over the gate.

    • Megan says:

      Exactly. My 3 year old goes in his room with the baby gate and the baby goes in her swing. That way I only have to pick up toys and clothes rather than letting him empty the fridge or the garbage. Do they ever grow out of this?

      • Cassi says:

        Your kid is three and still stays behind a baby gate? You are so unbelievably lucky!

        • Kate says:

          My 2 year old is stuck behind his baby gate, it’s really high, but he screams hysterically. So his daddy and I run our morning with precision so everyone gets a shower by themselves. Then everyone is happy.

  25. Jen says:

    omg hysterical – I am now choking on my pear at work trying not to laugh so hard…. your kids are adorable!

  26. katherine says:

    I am a youngest kid and used to get reamed for pulling stuff like that so my first reaction to this was, “oh, no, how mad was Crappy Boy that Crappy Baby used his building set?” So seriously, did Crappy Boy find out and get upset? Hopefully the wood is reusable and/or he didn’t use that many pieces?

  27. Lacey Sutton says:

    I take my life into my hands every night and shower after my 16 m. old son goes to sleep. So far he is guaranteed to be OUT for at least half an hour of sleep so deep my husband can do (and has done) construction in the next room without waking him. I don’t know if I’d be brave enough to do it mid-day, and we only have the one so it’s not nearly so tricky. But I LOVE his honesty paired with his enthusiasm :) I hope you or Crappy papa helped him build something recognizable <3

  28. Jen says:

    Love it! He was being a good boy. :)

  29. Kate says:

    Ha ha ha! What a great mom!

    Kate

  30. AndreaW says:

    Hahahaha. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH.

  31. Amanda Hernandez says:

    So pragmatic, that one. A child after my own heart.

  32. Kimberly S. says:

    My son once “cooked” in the kitchen while I was in the shower. I stepped out of the upstairs bathroom and could smell a very strong spice-scent coming from downstairs. Went into the kitchen and he was up on the counter with almost all my spices dumped into one big bowl with some water and was mixing them up for his “recipe”, as he called it. *sigh* At least the house smelled good.

    • Andrea says:

      My 7 yr old has been doing the same for years, and emptying my arsenal of spices all along. When his auntie asked what to get him for Christmas, I begged for his own spice rack. Now he doesn’t clean me out anymore!

    • Phaedra says:

      My parents have one of those huge turkey sized slow cookers. We had just finished moving so things were scattered around the house. The slow cooker was on the floor, and for some reason, the spices were beside it. My sister, who was two at the time, climbed in and dumped spices all over herself! My mom found her from the smell of the spices, too. It was so funny.

    • Emily says:

      My eldest (now 10) managed to dump an entire container of cinnamon around the kitchen when he was 2…including in the A/C and heating elements. That room smelled like apple pie for two years.
      My now 5yo salted the hallway twice and only recently got out of the ‘dump everything in a bowl and ‘cook” phase…mostly because I’m now letting her help with meals. My spice shelf is finally safe…for now…my youngest just turned two….

  33. willow matteson says:

    My life! When ever I need to take a shower, and I more often then not wait until I NEED to, I always make sure everyone has something to occupy their time and triple check if anyone is goin to need to use the bathroom since we only have one. Never fails, within 2 min there is a knock. And no matter how many times I say ‘DO NOT FLUSH THE TOILET, YOU WILL BURN MOMMY!’ it always happens fallowed by ‘opps, I forgot!’ One of the many reasons I am convinced my kids are trying to kill me.

  34. katie says:

    I thought waiting until nap time for the twins was they way to take my shower. I set my 5yr old with a movie and made the mistake of taking a 10 min shower. When I got out she had cleaned the ashes out of the fireplace. They were everywhere. This was in feb and to this day when we turn on the stero ashes still come out of the speakers. I was not a calm mama.

    • Susan says:

      Oh no! But on the bright side, your comment made me laugh uncontrollably – in no small part because I can envision my older son doing just that with our fireplace. Good luck conquering the ash eventually!

  35. My kids have discovered the joys of making something in the kitchen. Lately they have been presenting me with all sorts of concoctions made with food colouring, flour, uncooked rice and mini marshmallows. Yum!

  36. Nicole @tips for baby travel says:

    I absolutely love your blog and sense of humor. This just made my day.

  37. Elena says:

    Leaving my children alone for 2 minutes results in the 6-year old giving one of the 3-year old twins a haircut. I learned this the hard way last weekend. Oh well! Now the child has a cool hipster haircut (REALLY short bangs with some long wisps here and there). AND bonus! Now people can tell the identical twins apart based on the hair. I always try to find the silver lining.

  38. Wendi says:

    This melted my heart when you said he looked so proud. You just can’t get mad about that, right? Your reaction was perfect. Good mama!

  39. Tina says:

    I never take a shower unless
    A) daddy its home
    B) big sis is home
    C) kids are asleep
    Even option c is dangerous

    • Emily says:

      Even Option a and b are not guaranteed… I have provided a few distraction minutes over the years for my sister so she can shower alone but once when her first was just learning to run/walk he heard it from the other side of the house and started stripping as he ran toward the bathroom. He looked so sad standing there naked left out of shower time that she caved and let him in.

  40. Shari says:

    I laughed so hard at glue and wood I scared my 7 mo, who’s sitting in her exersaucer.
    Fantastic!!! But seriously, I miss being able to take long uninterrupted showers…

  41. Denise says:

    So funny, of course if it happened at my house it wouldn’t be so funny! lol

  42. Jessica B says:

    My due date (first baby) is in 4 days, you just inspired me to take what may be one of my last leisurely showers!

  43. Dave says:

    My wife was babysitting the grandkids last week. In her one quick trip to the bathroom the 2 year old managed to put multiple colors of permanent markers on herself, the walls, the room divider, the front of the stove, the kitchen floor, the trash can, and the door to the laundry room. All while the 6 year old was plugged into the kindle instead of watching her sister like she was told to do. It was like a David Blain magic trick, the markers apparently appeared out of nowhere as soon as she shut the door to the bathroom.

    • hillary says:

      It is uncanny how toddlers know when their caregiver isn’t looking. I made the mistake of answering the phone when my daughter was 18 months old. It was less than 90 seconds until I hung up. Then I followed the trail of permanent marker across the kitchen cabinets, every major appliance, the high chair, the hallway, bookshelves, and finally the bathroom door. I found her in the bathroom, coloring the inside of the toilet bowl. “WE DO NOT COLOR INSIDE THE TOILET!” I said in all-caps. And that was the moment I realized that I was finally a grown-up.

    • JGo555 says:

      Rubbing alcohol gets rid of permanent marker stains.

  44. Jo says:

    Sweet :) I remember my friend talking about his son’s art – the sister draws lots of things, prolifically. But her little brother never showed as much interest. One day he was painting a piece of paper, with green paint. He painted it and painted it until it was uniformly coloured. What is it, his dad asked. The child looked at him as if he was slow, then said, condescendingly, it’s GREEN. Duh.

  45. Mandy B says:

    The best! Love love love it!

    I love the danger of taking our lives (OK, our domestic tranquility) into our hands every time we try to take a shower. Well, maybe love is an exaggeration.

    I used to feel guilty about having my hubby help out after his long day at work… it didn’t take me that long to realize that he got to go to the bathroom BY HIMSELF. All day long! Any time he needs to! AND that commute I used to be stressed out by when I was doing it? That’s time with music, an air conditioner, and no one to take care of… it’s practically a vacation for him.

    (We do have more fun though. There’s a lot more mud here than at his office.)

    Thanks for the laughter, this made my day!

  46. Aileen says:

    That is excellent!

  47. Danielle says:

    I was just reading this (and got absorbed) as my husband is doing construction work in another room. Then he says to me, “It seems quiet.” I immediately think, “Oh crap!” (We have 4 children, 7, 5, 3 & 9 months.) So I run to check on them and they are playing on the floor in the nursery and reading books to each other. Ah… I am so thankful right now.

  48. Mary Kate says:

    Hahaha! I always look forward to your posts. This is why.

  49. Generally, my rule is that showers can only occur if the child is
    1. sleeping
    2. elsewhere and cared for by someone who is not me
    3. in the room with me
    4. so, basically, never.

  50. E says:

    Hmm. Just curious, how old does everyone think is appropriate to still be showering with your children?? I still bring my 3 year old in the shower with me so I can get a shower without worrying about him doing something really awful.. which he would do.. if he wasn’t in there. When he starts being awkward about it, which I’m sure around what, 4 or 5?? he will do… This is my first and I don’t really know, but I know I will find a new method.. Uh, tape? Hypnotism? Heh.

    Eh, my son loves to make messes. And, I’ve learned to like reading to him while I go number 2. I am aware that this will end some day before long, too. Number 1 he generally doesn’t accompany me and this has many a time resulted in the 30-second mystery mess. His response to “WHAT????” *bewildered look, hands out up like WTF, my eyes become saucers and I cease moving anything but my eyes which sweep over the destruction calculating how to clean it up best*” is always a momentary puzzled expression of Oh, this is another one of those times where I should’ve done a puzzle or played with tractors instead.. uh… and he says rather sheepishly “I’m sorry.. I love you mama. I will help clean. *sweet smile*” It’s like they come equipt with a nuclear disarm code.

    Last time he made a mess it was really pretty terrific. I had just watered an old, very heavy MIL plant that he’s NEVER bothered before and I thought it was too heavy for him to lift it especially after being watered .. Well, I was wrong. He’s a really strong little poophead. I went to go to the bathroom. I don’t know the series of events, but obviously he picked it up set it down or threw it and rolled it around on the white sofa and then on the white carpet (these were not my color choices…). Then, as I was washing my hands he ran past me and he got his toy vaccuum cleaner out. I saw he was dirty and thought “Please have done this in the kitchen ” and he goes “Mama, mama, I made a HUGE mess!!! I will clean!” really excitedly. He ran into the living room, me following slowly, and proceeded to “vaccuum” the mud into the carpet and my jaw dropped. Ahhhhh the things they do in 30 seconds…

    He did have fun helping me with the carpet shampooer, then had fun rolling around in the wet spot, and luckily my couch is ancient and all of the cushion covers come off and are machine washable. I glued suction cups to the bottom of that plant and he doesn’t have the strength to pull it off it’s perch now. He’s told me all about how it’s too heavy now. And another plus, he’s very much helped me child proof for baby number 2.. There’s a lot of stuff I never thought of.

    Maybe you could bring crappy baby in the shower with you??

    • ST says:

      I dunno about an age-limit on showering with your kid. In general I agree that it’s up to the kid when they develop privacy issues.

      Great to read your story.

    • JillyBean says:

      I was wondering the same thing- I didn’t get to shower while hubby as home last night, so my 2.5 yr-old showered with me this morning while my 1.5 wk-old slept in her sleeper thing. It’s been a while since he’s showered with me- it wasn’t safe while I was pregnant! lol But he still takes showers with Daddy fairly frequently. I had been trying to come up with some activities for him to do while locked in the bathroom with me, but I don’t want him coloring all over baby sister, and of course, the only time he can get his shirt off without help is as he’s climbing into the shower with me and it’s too late to stop him! haha

    • Kelly says:

      I used to bring my eldest daughter in the shower with me when she was a toddler and it worked quite well. But when I thought to do the same thing with her little brother I realized it wouldn’t be possible again (although, like an idiot, I keep trying). He has a water phobia – or rather, a water-spraying-from-the-sky phobia. And he clings to me like glue; he screams bloody murder so I swear the neighbors are going to call the police to investigate. When I manage to pry him loose so I can manage the shampoo guerilla style, he gets himself wedged between me and the shower wall, despite my efforts to keep him in front of me; he inevitably gets the shampoo dregs in his eyes… And from then on, it’s all over. The day will never improve.

      So…yeah, it may not always be a good idea to attempt the bring-the-baby-in-the-shower thing…

  51. Julie says:

    This post is just awesome. I can picture it vividly, and laughed out loud at the office!

  52. Jill says:

    Huge amounts of love for this post! Thank you so much, please never stop writing and drawing!

  53. Katelyn Dziedzic says:

    I love that ‘glue’ came first, just in case there any doubt about what drew him to those particular building materials.

  54. heather says:

    Hysterical!

  55. Candace says:

    LOL, so funny as long as it isn’t in my house!

  56. GG says:

    Oh my goodness, this goes to show you that you really should avoid showering or peeing if possible!

  57. Wendy D. says:

    It is like you are living in my house, I swear.

  58. Tina Worth says:

    Duh Mom, it is glue and wood! LOL, too funny!

  59. jennifer says:

    ha ha! SHould check out the website shitmykidsruined.com…it will make you thankful for the slight shenanigans your kids have gotten into! I have a 3 year old daughter and a 7mth old. I am quite sure I am in trouble cause she hasn’t gotten into anything much. YET. *knocks on wood*

  60. Michele C. says:

    Oh you have to love it.

  61. Lori Langone says:

    When I am home alone with my 13-month old son and need to get clean, I take a bath instead of a shower so I can see and hear him. I bring him into the bathroom with me, close the door to keep him contained, and give him some bath toys to play with. He spends most of my speedy bathing time throwing toys into the bathtub with me. The things we parents do …

  62. mercedes says:

    Thanks for your blooooooog crappy mama!!!!!!!! for the total, the loud, the authentic laughter!!!!!!!! Really, really, thanks for these moments. Bless!

    MM

  63. Cassandra says:

    hahaha! I have a 4 year old and a 17 month old. This kind of stuff is my life too, thanks for reminding me how funny it is, even if at the time it makes me hang my head for a moment and think “why me?”. ^_^

  64. Amber Swanberg says:

    I love this!! I can’t trust my baby to behave himself while I am in the shower…so I take him in the bathroom with me and let the other 2 older ones roam the house. I still have to jump out of the shower at some point to avert a major disaster even when I am right there watching him as I wash my hair…but at least I know he’s not getting into the knives…

    • D'Arcy says:

      My 17 month old will not let me shower by myself. I either have to let her in or listen to her scream and bang on the door.

      • JGo555 says:

        If she cries the whole time you’re in the shower & she’s outside, I think you can take a 5 minute shower. That is until she figures out she’s “free”.

  65. D'Arcy says:

    I envy your ability to stay calm! I would have been yelling or at least repeating “no, no, no, no” in a crazed voice!

  66. Kylie says:

    I strap my one year old into her pram & sit the three year old next to her on a chair, place dvd player in front of them, then happily go & have several minutes all by myself in the shower…its the only way I can be sure there will be no catastrophies….

  67. neal says:

    You know all those times they’re supposed to be taking a nap, or when they’re in their carseat just sort of staring off into space? It’s all careful planning to get the most mayhem out of three minutes of unsupervised time.

    If you look hard enough, I’ll bet you could find a playbook hidden under their toddler mattress or maybe in the VCR (do people besides me still use a VCR?) along with that peanut butter sandwich. I made a comic about it here:

    http://raisedbymydaughter.blogspot.com/2012/05/paranoia.html

  68. Jennifer says:

    I adore Crappy Baby! What a sweetheart!!!

  69. Denee says:

    Ha ha ha… oh my goodness! Thank you so much for your blog. It makes me laugh, and reassures me that my 2 boys are completely normal in their antics.
    90 seconds is a loooooong time it toddler world! This happened in my house in 30 seconds flat: http://www.redcupcreative.ca/Elements/JPGS/ButterIncident.jpg
    Yep. That was an entire pound of butter and a full gallon of pancake syrup.

  70. Debbie says:

    This blog makes me feel better. I never shower unless she is asleep or Dad is around to watch her. When I was pregnant and imagining what life would be like post baby I had NO IDEA how difficult it would be to get a shower! There have been so many days of a stinky momma. :)

  71. Nae says:

    PMSL, I learned many years ago you don’t let them know they’re going to be unsupervised, you just sneak off and do it reaaaaaaal quick.

  72. Moo says:

    Not to be snarky, but it’s been a long day and I can’t help myself.

    Is your shower not in your bathroom? :D

    • Rebecca says:

      I was thinking the same thing! I knew what she meant by “in the bathroom,” but it made me giggle. And then I thought, well maybe her shower isn’t in her bathroom! I pictured this exotic outdoor grotto in the backyard where one could bathe underneath a cascading waterfall…. Don’t all of us moms deserve a shower like that anyways?

  73. aimee says:

    Why does no one else shower BEFORE they go to bed at night when all kidlets are safely fast asleep in their beds and it is a fairly safe bet (well in my house anyway) you can have a decent uninterrupted shower, and then no need for shower in morning when kidlets are running loose? or if you do need a morning shower doesnt matter if you only get 30seconds because you had a nice long relaxing one the night before? just asking….

    • HM says:

      If the others are like me, they’re so exhausted they just want to collapse onto bed and sleep. My kids are older now so I get enough sleep most of the time, but I remember that tiredness. Even the thought of brushing my teeth before bed made me want to cry. I couldn’t even imagine pulling clothes off, getting wet, soaping & shampooing, rinsing, and THEN having to dry all that off – especially my hair!! I wanted SLEEP because in a couple of hours, if that, I was going to be woken up again – and again – and again…

      • Nicole says:

        I have a 5 yr old and a 7 week old, I have had a nice long shower in the middle of the night after feeding the baby just so I don’t get disturbed by ANYONE, not even my husband!

        • ST says:

          I still remember when my babe was 7wo – I was exhausted, had leaky boobs, still recovering from episiotomy, trying to keep the house clean; babe was still waking at irregular hours; husband very exhausted having to support wife and child.

          Kudos to you! May you have many uninterrupted long showers!

  74. Lauren says:

    I’m so glad you understand! Any time I manage a shower with someone else in the house (friend, neighbor, kind passerby) I get so excited! I don’t have to hurry, I can actually shave my legs and condition my hair, and no one poops on the carpet while I’m gone.

    • Rebecca says:

      OMG- hilarious! And I can totally relate to that and to this post! My 3-year-old, just the other day while I was bathing, got into the markers and drew on everything in sight: the table, the wall, the window, several toys and a silver spoon! I love the weekends when his daddy is home and I can actually take a nice normal shower and not have to worry about my son destroying the house!

  75. teagans momma says:

    Yeah, I had to beg for a shower saturday. I was ripe, as well. My husband (1/2 jokingly) said why don’t you do it when she sleeps? During that 20 min power nap, in which time I have enough sense to clean up the mess she’s made this morning? Ok, sure.
    THEN he had the audacity to ask that if I go to my mom’s or his mom’s (which I do once a week), why not bring a change of clothes with me and shower over there. I told him I shouldn’t have to.

    • Jennifer J says:

      Tell him that he can have a shower once a week, if he goes to your mother’s house to do it. Or hit him upside the head with a castiron frying pan.

    • vicky says:

      I was just discussing with hubby tonight that i need him to help me in the mornings so i can take a shower, he just kept saying, “just get up before the kids and take a shower” well, if im up than the kids r up, or will probably wake up during the shower. He KNOWS this and yet that is still his suggestion.

  76. Rachel says:

    Oh my this was my 4 yr olds picture from school yesterday. How could I not realize it was a watering can with six spouts. What kind of Mom am I?!? LOL

  77. Sal says:

    I admire your calm nerves, woman. I’d be screaming if I happened upon a glue mess.

  78. Laura B. says:

    I have similar problems with showers, and for those who have asked about taking showers after they go to sleep, our shower is too loud! It would wake them up, guaranteed. Not going to risk it, I’ll just be smelly.

    • Jennifer J says:

      I am just too tired by then. I’d fall and hit my head, and make a bloody mess that I would probably have to clean up.

  79. Erica says:

    LOL, my son drew a picture and when I asked what it was he told me it was a drawing!

  80. J. Greenie says:

    So funny, especially how pragmatic he is!

  81. Delia says:

    Words cannot describe how excited I am each time there is a new post that I know will cheer me up!

  82. neo says:

    That’s adorable. Good for you for keeping your cool. =)

  83. sstar says:

    At least he didn’t head for the scroll saw

  84. cathy o says:

    my 3-yo boy looked at the post with me and asked if “that” (Crappy Baby) was a polar bear. Then he decided it was a picture of “me, Jack!”. So I was laughing a lot tonight. Thank you!

  85. Janelle says:

    Amber … You got a way. You are SUCH a good story teller.
    So glad I found you not so long ago. So, SO glad.

  86. Laura says:

    LOL, my son brought home a painting from nursery when he was three and when I asked what it was he looked at me as though I was an imbecile and said, ‘It’s blue paint on paper, Mummy.’

    After that I learned to say ‘Tell me all about it….’ instead!

  87. Kimberly says:

    hahahahahhahahahahahhaha

    I just had to say: I laughed out loud. CUTE!

  88. Megan says:

    Okay, so I know this is a funny blog (very, very funny and I’m always excited when you post a new one) and not an advice-seeking blog, but I can’t shut my Montessori up in a box. So here’s my suggestion: You might want to intentionally offer him glue, in a SMALL screw top container with a thickish paint brush and some wooden blocks from the thrift store. You could even give him a lesson on how to apply the glue (i.e., a thin layer). Obviously this would be a supervised, at the table activity. But I’ve done it with 18 mo+ (with paper, not wood) and it’s not nearly as messy when you give them a lesson and can control the quantity of glue they have access to :D

    • amber says:

      LOL at “can’t shut my Montessori in a box”! Good idea though, I haven’t done many glue projects with him.

  89. hannah says:

    Fermenting. Hahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!

    (I laugh because oh mama have I been there. Shoot I’m there now.)

  90. Sarah says:

    Very funny…and messy. I have a question though. Aren’t showers also in the bathroom? Your title is still correct since you were still in the bathroom…just not using the toilet right?
    Keep up the good work (both mommy-ing and blogging)!

    • Jay says:

      In Australia, lots of the older house have the “toilet” all by itself in its own little room [no sink!] and a “bathroom” with the sink, shower and tub. But, then again, she’s in California… :’)

  91. Jay says:

    Crap! I should know by now not to read these while eating… I nearly snorted cereal out my nose while laughing.

  92. Ruth says:

    Awwww… nice when their answers take you by surprise! I remember when my son was threeish, telling him that birds lay their eggs in a nest, and then asking him; “now, what do you think birds use to make their nest?” Expected him to say sticks/twigs etc., but he said, after some serious thought “er, tools?” Too much Bob the Builder I think!

  93. Lori says:

    So funny! I can relate. In fact, while I sit here reading your blog I know I have to pee but I am terrified. The kids are playing so nicely together in their room and I am certain that the second I walk past their door to head to the bathroom they will stop what they are doing and instantly need me….or at least they will stop playing and start hitting each other. It is inevitable.

  94. denise mcentee says:

    ok that one was just adorable. :)

  95. Kirstie says:

    I am so wildly impressed by your reaction. As a woman in her third trimester being held hostage by raging hormones, unfortunately every little thing my kids do is getting the full mama explosion. I’m trying really, really, hard. I need to grab onto some of your vibe to survive the day tomorrow…

  96. MelissaH says:

    Takes 5 minutes to shower and 20 minutes to clean up. Yep, sounds about right. :-)

  97. Maru says:

    thank you for sharing :), I am a single mum and i had to take some time to plan carefully everything :), just to take a few minutes for myself :)

  98. I think my youngest son was 8 years old before I ever got to take an uninterupted shower. I don’t care if the child was in a stuper snoring and drooling, the second I stepped in that shower he was banging on the door or in the bathroom wanting to know why yellow and blue made green or how come cats were furry or cows were fat, or boys animals had balloon bottoms. I was a captive audience and it was taken full advantage of.

  99. Erin says:

    You know, i love your posts, but i have to say, they scare me a little. I’ve got a little 4 month old boy and what if the second one is a boy. oh boy. and i’ll have this to look forward to too!

  100. I’ll never forget the day my 2 yo had taken a green crayon and drew a picture from one corner of the wall to the other corner. I brought her in by the hand, pointed to the wall and said something like, “young lady what is this?” (parent speak for why did you make the bad choice to draw on the wall)…in her most exasperated voice she pipes up, “it’s an alligator” (child speak for duh mom, what does it look like). Cracks me up to this day!

  101. Liz says:

    This is my favorite line: “They’ll make up some crap about how it is a dragon with a camera and you nod and say how great it is. ” So very funny…I spit out some cereal while reading…

  102. Jacquelyn says:

    Hahaha, aaawww!

  103. Elaine says:

    Once when I was in the shower for just a few minutes my two year old managed to open the fron t door and was heading out the drive looking for her Daddy! I got such a fright i ran out the door in my birthday suit to grab her… unfortunately by then her howling attracted half the neighbours out to see what was happening… Its hard to look like a competent parent when you are using a wriggling toddler to hide your modesty in the middle of the road :)

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