While Mama Was in The Bathroom (Episode 2)

(Here is While Mama Was in The Bathroom, Episode 1 where you can read all about how I am human and have to use the bathroom sometimes.)

So I’m in the bathroom, doing my bathroom thing. 

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Too quiet.

I hurry out to discover:

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Crappy Baby beaming with pride over his masterpiece. His canvas? White shoe cabinet. His medium? Permanent black Sharpie®.

It is a revelation! Just look at the juxtaposition of the loose, curvilinear gestural sketches against the faux-modern outline of the mass-produced cabinet. This intentional contrast creates tension and serves as a platform for comparisons. His iconoclastic message of freedom against mundane, everyday objects gives a fresh perspective to the viewer.

(What. This isn’t how you look at your kid’s art?)

Whatever. What I really want to know is, how did he get that house-destruction-stick Sharpie®? 

I mean, don’t get me wrong, Sharpies® are awesome. They write beautifully and you can get high off them. But how does Crappy Baby always source them?

We have an entire bookshelf full of washable markers and art supplies. Within his reach. Paper too. Getting those would have been easy for him.

The Sharpie® is kept on top:

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Even I can’t reach it without a chair.

You might think he is does it monkey-style:

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But he has never been a climber. Plus, my sweet, innocent angel would never do such a thing.

No. I think the Sharpie® wants to be found.

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The Sharpie® has a will of its own. 

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Either that or I left the damn thing on the counter again. Nah. 

—————–

I did manage to get the cabinet clean.

You can easily remove permanent marker with alcohol. You have to drink a lot of it though. 

This entry was posted in crappy pictures, doing art, parenting, terrible twos, toddlers, while mama was in the bathroom. Bookmark the permalink.

232 Responses to While Mama Was in The Bathroom (Episode 2)

  1. Kasondra says:

    Just a note: Sunscreen also takes of Sharpie…rather quickly too!

  2. WordyDoodles says:

    This. post. is. PERFECT.

  3. Rebecca says:

    It’s all a marketing scam by Sharpie. They sneak them to kids in public, and when they’ve caused destruction and you’ve repossessed the Sharpie, you find out how much you love it and then purchase more.

  4. Jennifer says:

    My son is ALWAYS finding Sharpies. I didn’t even think we HAD that many, but every time I use the bathroom I swear he finds a new one.

    Why couldn’t it be something useful he materializes? Like $100 bills?

  5. Adrienne says:

    is crappy baby also known as Jamesen (my son)? seriously.

  6. Jess says:

    LOVE THIS! And the LOTR reference at the end. Just when I thought I couldn’t love you more than I do already.

  7. amethyst says:

    Oh no!
    When I was 8-ish, my mom repainted my bedroom and bought me all new bedding for my January birthday. (Santa brought brand new, furniture from Ethan Allen) …. My 4 year old brother found a sharpie a week after the paint dried and “painted” my bedroom again to include all the walls, bedding, carpet and furniture. My mom was so livid that my grandparents swooped in and “rescued” my brother to Myrtle Beach for a week. I was so irritated that he destroyed my new pretty room AND got a trip to the beach ;)

  8. Hannah says:

    Love the reference to Lord of the Rings! I almost fell off my chair laughing.

  9. Robin says:

    “My precious.” Bahahaha!

  10. Karen says:

    Lord of the Rings! This is the best!

  11. jess says:

    My DH has declared a hatred for all markers, regardless of washableness. He questions why they exist in our house at all (ummm, cause I love them and everyone knows markers are way cooler than crayons!).

  12. Amy says:

    It does take about a week for it to come off of little boy privates though (scrubbing is not appreciated).

  13. Jordan McBride says:

    My son would’ve climbed it up!

  14. Rebecca Fulcher says:

    Lol. I learned the alcohol trick when my son had to wear a fitted helmet. The Clinician would draw the cut marks with sharpie and then remove what was left with alcohol. Love the idea that the sharpies just want to be found! I think that’s how my kids get a hold of them too.

  15. Vy says:

    It’s always a Sharpie.

    My husband called me at work once to tell me how our son colored himself with the blue Sharpie. His entire face and leg were stained even after a bath. The bathwater was purple. I guess we’re lucky it didn’t stain the tub.

    Normally, I take pictures of the horrible/funny thing my kids do, but this was just too mortifying. It was bad enough going to church with a bluish child.

    • Trisha W. says:

      You could have said the discoloration was related to a field trip to Willy Wonka’s Factory. ;)

    • Jenrose says:

      That’s funny, he didn’t look Bluish… before….

    • Raizy says:

      When I was seven I colored my knees blue with what I figured was a washable marker, but even after a bath my knees were very scary looking. At swimming lessons the next dayI refused to unwrap my towel or get in the pool. I was SO embarrassed!

  16. Amanda says:

    Fun Fact: if you ever accidentally use a sharpie or other permanent marker on a dry erase board, write over the permanent marker with a dry erase marker and erase. It’s like magic.

  17. Rebekah says:

    The last two sentences – You can easily remove permanent marker with alcohol. You have to drink a lot of it though. – made me laugh out loud and snort.

    • Karrie says:

      ME TOO!!!! That was my favorite part. =-)
      (The “Precious” being a close second….)

    • Gina says:

      I laughed so loud at the ” drink a lot of alcohol” and the LOTR. My husband thought I lost it (again). He also did not understand my enjoyment of “Confessions of A Scarry Mommy”. Well most of it, some just totally horrified me.

  18. Kara says:

    Oh man. This is what I have to look forward to huh! Right now the silence usually indicates the wipes package has been found in arm’s reach of my 17 month old little one, and I find him in a pile of wipes. I better stock up on alcohol, er, rubbing alcohol. :)

    • Stephanie says:

      DD, is 15 months. Silence is the wipes or the diaper bag. That thing needs a pad lock.

    • Bec says:

      Oh my gosh this is my 20month old to a tee! LOL She woke up from nap and found my stash of packets of wipes I had hidden in the top basket of the IKEA froggy storage thing that was hanging on the wall. When I went in to check on her she was not only awake but sitting on top of her dresser surrounded by approximately 900 individual baby wipes, poor froggy was on the floor, and the hook he had been hanging from was also on the floor. :( Times like that all you can do is take a slow breath and start chanting the parenting mantra “this too shall pass”.

    • Mercy says:

      Arg, what is it with toddlers and wet wipes? Mine does the same.

      • Charmaine says:

        My 15 month old loves wipes and tissues too.

        When her older sister was about 2 she took all the tissues out of a box, one by one, wiped her nose on each one, then put them all back in the box.

  19. Liz says:

    Your art critic description made me laugh so hard! Did you go to art school? I’m getting suspicious!

    • Gina says:

      The discripitive critique of the Art was dead on to what I tried to pass off to my parents when they came in my house after my kids found markers and crayons. They also were not amused to see my kids 3 and 2 (at that time) scrubbing the walls with toothbrushes and windex. I did pull out the Mr Clean erasers eventually. Apparently, my sacrasm, punishment method, (did I mention IN MY OWN HOUSE) were uncalled for and unjust. Wow, did they ever wonder where I got those weapons from?? Hello Pot, this is Kettle “

      • Samantha says:

        Be careful with Magic Erasers – it’s common for kids to get chemical burns from them :o

      • kifin says:

        i’ve done the same – make the culprit scrub with a wet rag for 10 minutes, then tell her i’ll finish, and take care of it in 10 seconds with a magic eraser. being the mom is great!

  20. Ali Hoot says:

    FYI – Mr. Clean Magic Erasers are also handy for removing permanent markers from most surfaces! ;)

  21. Nathalie says:

    Haha! Wine makes the sharpie go away. Maybe smelling the sharpie makes the sharpie go away too?

  22. KelleyD says:

    @Jess, my husband has the same sentiment. We even have the “color wonder” ones that don’t show up on anything except their special paper. His distaste of them I think is that they are always, always, ALWAYS laying about on the floor, since the boys dump them out of their home and I can’t clean them up fast enough, or the second I do, they are dumped AGAIN. {I have more or less given up} His dislike also applies to crayons, pencils and pens.

  23. Saxon says:

    This ones is great and so true!

  24. Tiffany says:

    OMG!! This is my daughter. Magic eraser got it off my wooden kitchen table. The “My precious” pic killed me!!

  25. Emily says:

    I chain sharpies in my house. They are evil things, but the little sharpies have little hook things and you just buy a chain and chain the sucker down to where you normally use it. The sharpie itself can escape, but the lid remains which makes sure you put it back on the chain. These are only on the small ones that I’ve found, but it’s worth it to chain the sucker up.

    I don’t even chain my DOG, but I chain up the sharpies.

    BTW, next time this happens, take a picture and send it to the Sharpie people as one of the “show us your sharpie art” pictures. :P

  26. Ariana says:

    I love the magic eraser for my son’s art work

  27. Nicole says:

    The “My Precious” at the end had me literally roflmao- PERFECT representation of my own toddler with any destructive material! lol

  28. Chrystal says:

    My two year old got ahold of a sharpie once, but neatly put it back where he found it-lid on and all…after smelling it several times which left him with a Hitler mustache.

    Awesome.

  29. Robin says:

    “My precious” hahaha.
    I have a bathroom story from just yesterday: My daughter recently learned to open the side by side refrigerator. She somehow reached the top shelf and got out the brand new 2lb box of strawberries. She took one bite out of every single one of them as she leisurely watched her morning tv shows, making sure not to get too near the green stems.

  30. Nicole says:

    Shaving cream usually takes off Sharpie too, in case you don’t have a bottle of rubbing alcohol handy.

  31. Hilarious! Silence when I am in the bathroom usually means all the DVDs have been scattered and opened or he is finding the age inappropriate from the in-laws I have hidden.

  32. Dusti says:

    It’s funny (and when I say funny I mean not really unless I’m 56 and my kids are grown and I’m drinking while retelling this story) that we have parallel lives, because my son ALWAYS finds the sharpies in our house as well…..you are right..they WANT to be found.

  33. Elisa says:

    There’s many amazing things about this post (and I don’t even have kids! Well, I have one that’s currently weighing in at about 5 ounces. Does that count?) Anywho, that last line was the killer! Hilarious!

  34. Stephanie says:

    You just made my day. And also scared me a bit. Having my 3rd due in 2 weeks. This reminds me of what I have to go thru all over again! My other kids are 6 & 7.

    On a side note, wd-40 also removes sharpie and crayons wonderfully!

  35. Trisha W. says:

    Love “My Precious” and the drinking of alcohol. Too funny.

  36. Drea says:

    Oh man! Been there done that!!! Sharpies are possessed in my house, how else could they move from top shelves, closets, my zipped up purse into the hands of my 3 year old?!

    FYI, pencil erasers can remove sharpie art off of Daddy’s beloved 47″ flat screen TV.

    • Chrystal says:

      Oh dear!

      I would be scared for my child if he ever colored on the tv! Filing this tip away for when it happens.

  37. Brandy P says:

    A friend got it off my brand new coffee table (at least it was brand new when it was written on) with one of those fat erasers.

  38. Hahahahahahahaha. I honestly have tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard. It was the last two pictures that got me. Thank you.

  39. Erika says:

    “my precious…” that’s what I say about my alcohol. ;)

  40. BeeSue says:

    My mother-in-law used to tell me (yes, I know, why would I ever quite my mother-in-law) that if you have kids and dogs, you have nothing else. I scorned her at the time, but now I grudgingly believe her.

  41. ariel k says:

    oh my! We’ve had a nearly 4yo on a sharpie rampage for the past week or so. No one has been using sharpies, so there are none lying about. He’s been in a room with no sharpies, hasn’t left, and still managed to find sharpies and draw on everything EXCEPT his paper! I’m beginning to think kids just have a weird magnetic pull that only attracts sharpies to them. Or he knows Harry Potter magic (“Accio!”)

  42. Kimberly says:

    Long story short…I have 2 boys, age 3 yr and 1.5 yrs. In 3 day I went through 4 dozen eggs…the 1st day it was my younger son who led by none other than his big brother was let into the kitchen (cuz my wonderful 3 yr old can now easily open the baby gates and fridge and you bet baby brother takes full advantage of this) I just wanted to get dress for once and it took me about 5 minutes to find clothes in my room and get dress because of course like usual I’m behind on putting the clothes away. But by the time I find my clothes and get dressed without bothering to even look in the mirror or brush my hair I run down the hallway because the quiet scares the crap out of me. Sure enough I had cause to be alarmed. The baby took out both cartons of eggs, threw 1 carton all over the floor and the other carton he’s tried to through in an empty pot on the stove that was used to boil water for oatmeal the day before. I see he had the right idea (making breakfast) but went about it all wrong. It was like cleaning up a giant booger! Flash forward to 2 days later @ midnight I’d just barely fallen asleep and my 3 yr old comes to my side of the bed looking and feeling filmy but I couldn’t figure out what it was. I set him in my tub and ran down the hallway to see what it was. I see shiny footprints on the floor that lead to his room where I am met by another 2 carton EMPTY! he threw the eggs all over his bed, carpet, and closet. The boys share a room, I was so glad my younger son was still asleep so that he couldn’t make the situation any worse (or better according to their toddler brains). I know I said long story short but it turned into something else lol. Needless to say the very next day I got a fridge lock and had my hubby put it on because I hadn’t been doing it right when I bought the fridge locks in the past. I’d assume it just didn’t work on my fridge cuz it didn’t want to stick and I’d toss it out. They still get into everything else but at least not the fridge! I WIN THIS TIME! Mommy will prevail!

  43. Amanda says:

    My crappy girl did this to me the other day, on the wall, stove and cabinets….magic erasers are pretty much my salvation.

  44. Steph says:

    hahaha “my precious” lmao!

  45. Beth says:

    YES! We had 2 separate Sharpie incidents. Once with black (and black Sharpie comes off of kitchen linoleum far less easily than it comes off of walls, outlet covers, and refrigerators). Mr. Clean Magic Eraser is our new BFF after that incident. Although it still took a crazy concoction of all kinds of substances, including brake cleaner, to get it off the linoleum. Then later, we ended up with red Sharpie on our dresser, my arm (I was asleep when this incident occured – to be fair it was 3 am), my shoes, some box we had in our bedroom, and HEAD to TOE on my son, yes, including the privates. It really does take forever to come off of 4 year old boys. Oh and it was also on our bedroom carpet. Red Sharpie does NOT come out of carpet, with Mr. Clean nor alcohol or even a whole bunch of carpet cleaning. Luckily that was at the apartment and they were replacing the carpet when we moved anyway.

  46. Chantal says:

    The yellow Awesome found at dollar tree also removes sharpie (and kool aid) from most surface (had to use it on car seat!). Maybe it has alcohol in it…

  47. Velvet says:

    My son did this when he was about 18 months old. I still have no idea how that damn red sharpie got into my house. I had never ever seen it before.

    OcyClean saved my carpets (well my landlord’s carpets!), alcohol saved some furniture, but there was so much we had to repaint most of the walls.

  48. Kelly says:

    We had green Sharpie fish drawn ALL OVER the arm end of a 2 day old BRAND NEW light taupe suede couch. Scotch-Guard is no match for 3 year olds. Or, as it turns out, Sharpies!

    • Jennifer J says:

      My mom lost her first ever new couch to my toddler brother and the jar of vaseline. She cried for months.

  49. Dora says:

    hahahahah, really like your drawing of Crappy Baby with huge greedy eyes and saying:”my precious”

  50. Heather says:

    I keep carbona ink stain remover and WD-40 in the house at all times. My 3 year old drew on the ceiling with a sharpie. I know he was cradling the marker saying my precious the whole time too.

  51. *Laura* says:

    I love that the My Precious face looks suspiciously like the “Break the kitty” face on the one post. While I was in the bathroom recently, I came back out to see my 3 year old trying to help the 1 year old drink a (half full) mug of 2 day old coffee that I had left on the computer desk by accident. I use cream and sugar, so it was especially disgusting, plus the caffeine issue! Same day, I came out of the bathroom a second time to see the baby playing happily with a diaper (kicking it like a ball) she had pulled out of the trash, among oatmeal packets covered in coffee grounds. Especially frustrating, as I had just mopped. Now I have a rule that the kids MUST come in the bathroom with me, so I *know* what they’re doing.

    • Nicky G says:

      If you have a shower over bath then just pop the plug in so they get a splash while you shower, and then wash and rinse ‘em when you’re done. So much easier than getting wet clothes while you bath them and you know exactly where they are. They think it huge fun, but really we know it’s damage control.

  52. Stephanie says:

    All Sharpies in our house are in a cup in a cabinet above the stove. Even my husband must return them IMMEDIATELY after he’s done because our three-year old daughter draws all over herself with them, she especially loves to decorate her face. Any marker is a controlled substance in our house.

    Scissors have a similar fate because she also cut six inches off her hair right before Christmas and it’s STILL growing out.

  53. Bouqui says:

    So fantastic. I laughed out loud. This happened to me with my bedroom furniture. When alcohol fails (and it wasn’t strong enough to get the Sharpie(R) out of my furniture), toothpaste also does the trick. It worked wonders for me.

  54. Shannon says:

    Mr. Clean Magic Eraser!! It will take Sharpie off almost any hard surface. My son colored a beautiful picture using 15 different shades of Sharpie on my mother’s hardwood floors…Magic Eraser got every bit of it up. Then my Mom got upset and asked why I didn’t take a picture of his artwork first! REALLY?! I was too terrified of the thought of sanding and restaining your floors, lady.

  55. makenzie says:

    My daughter had a Sharpie Period. Our dining room wallpaper still shows her work. I couldn’t get it off with anything, although she discovered that liberal sprays of Donna Karan’s Be Delicious fades it.

    I always hated that wallpaper anyway. I guess she did me a favor!

  56. Ellen says:

    My 3 1/2 year old scaled an entertainment center last week to obtain mommy’s red nail polish from on top. In a matter of minutes he painted the window, the curtain, the couch, his plate, the food on his plate, the coffee table and poured it onto the BEIGE carpet in two places. Never thought I would have to ground a 3yo, but the house has been eerily quiet without the sounds of Nick Jr. coming out of the tv…

  57. candi says:

    I picked my 2 1/2 yr old from the sitter a while back. When I walked into her den she was sitting there with a wet wash cloth, fussing up a storm and scrubbing BLACK PERMANENT MARKER off of my son. Her son was sitting in the floor with the BLACKEST eye I have ever seen. I busted out laughing, she DID NOT see the humor in any of it. But both boys had played “make up” with the marker on each other faces. It took DAYS before I could mine out in public with out getting the evil eye for the “bruising” on his face and arms.

    OH, did I mention….I am a FOSTER PARENT!! So you can imagine how the conversation with his cw went 2 days later!!! Thank goodness she knows me very well and also found the humor in it. The sitter never did find it funny, but then her son’s eye liner/shadow didn’t come off for well over a week.

  58. Cindy says:

    When my first born was about 3yrs old, she PROUDLY showed me her incredibly detailed and huge treasure map she created on every square inch of the large brown leather ottoman we have… with a black felt tip pen. I went from furry to fascination in seconds looking at her pride and darn good it was for her age – then back to furry. Took me hours to get it out. Still, it was better than when the younger one at 3 just got a stick up her tush and decided to “show me” and make blue Sharpie lines from end to end on the over sized leather couch and ottoman “just because she was in a mood”….. prozac!

  59. Rebecca says:

    The Magic Eraser gets Sharpie off of things too. Even the store brand kind. I have a couple of “artists” who like to graffiti the bookshelf where I work. Thank goodness for the Magic Erasers!

  60. Brielle says:

    AHHHH! I’m having another one of THESE! It’s been 16 years. I don’t know if I am mentally prepared for this.
    Love the post.

  61. Melissa says:

    Cue diet coke mess all over my computer screen thanks to the last line…

  62. Heather says:

    I recently removed all markers to a secret location only to be used while supervised. I got tired of trying to clean market off the couch.

  63. Julie says:

    I’m jealous that you get to go to the bathroom by yourself. My son doesn’t allow that. He has to “blow nose” on at least 10 different toilet paper squares as I go.

  64. Laura says:

    Seriously, as I was reading this, my 3 yr old stood next to me, found a sharpie on my desk, started scribbling all over some paper (at least it was just paper) and so I took it away, and without missing a beat, I hear the scribbling sound again… and viola! another sharpie…out of nowhere! She must have a Mary Poppins never ending magic bag somewhere

  65. Kelly says:

    Ha. I left a black paint pen out once, and then left Daddy in charge while I went to take a bath. My 2 year old walked into the bathroom, and showed me his ‘bugs’ he drew on his hands. About that time my husband yelled ‘oh crap!’ from the kitchen…the 2 year old took the paint pen to the newly painted white kitchen cabinets. Lesson: don’t take a bath and leave daddy in charge. :)

  66. Kate says:

    So… I have “crappy twins”….when I would use the restrooms i could count on them to have the entire downstairs utterly destroyed in the 30 to 60 seconds that it took me to do my business…i mean: every DVD out of it’s package and scattered on the floor; every art supply i ever owned, out, open and poured all over anything that actually mattered; AND my “crappy female twin” would have unlocked the sliding glass door and be nearly at the gate ready to tackle that challenge for escape as well…oh yes, and every gate that barred them from these activities were uselessly cast aside by them….sigh…i completely understand your challenge… ;-)

  67. Stefanie says:

    Hands down my favorite post! Laughed till my sides hurt! “My Precious” lmao I swear that IS what he thinks when he gets it too (and mine and others…all of them)

  68. GTJenny says:

    It was Crappy cat. My cat loves playing with pens and knocking on the floor.

  69. Melody says:

    Does the mess come back when you sober up, or is it really gone? :)

  70. Meliney Schulz says:

    This reminds me of that great book by Robert Munsch…Purple, Green and Yellow. LOL!!

  71. EmuStu says:

    When I was little, while my parents were asleep, got up super early and decided to redecorate the kitchen. To me, that meant coloring the pale yellow cabinets with a red Sharpie magnum (you know, the super thick ones). My parents woke up to a kitchen full of cabinets that were now a nice orangey-red from where 2 year old me could reach down. I am sure they appreciated it.

  72. Andrea says:

    I would once have welcomed Sharpie art just to get to use the can in private. Glad #2 is more accomodating than my first was.

  73. Karin says:

    Good Gracious I love you! hahahaha I could pick out my favorite parts of this … but then I would have just typed the whole thing back to you! Wonderful Perfection! Bravo!

  74. Erica says:

    My Precious almost made me spit out my diet coke LOL LOL LOL yeah magic erasers are pretty much my salvation against my own sweet crappy baby LOL except for the time he wrote on his bean bag chair and his sisters red dress with the black dry erase marker :( I didn’t know it until it had set a long time. I managed to get it to lighten but it’s still there. He drew on the couch too but I caught it as soon as it was happening and was able to get that completely up (with hairspray)…thank God

  75. That last line is priceless!

  76. Mara V. Martinez says:

    Awesome post!

  77. Meghan says:

    And this is why I think I should through away every sharpie I own, before my sons discover them and their power of distruction. Although, then I can’t get drunk while removing it from random surfaces…hmmm…
    Also, the last picture? The. Best.

  78. Betsi says:

    Oh my gosh! “my precious” made me LOL. Hysterical! I had this experience with my then two year old, a wide tipped purple Sharpie and a new tan couch. I was able to save the couch but we got rid of the toddler.
    Ok, jk. But my house smelled like a frickin distillery for weeks.

  79. Katie says:

    Have always said the the GENIUS that invented the magic eraser and spot shot are the real heroes! My 4 yr old DS and 21/2 DD don’t have to look to hard when big brothers leave a marker behind constantly! arrgh! 4 yr old decided he needed a walking path in our Great Room. Started out with a giant circle then line along on carpet across the room then another circle. All with black sharpie! Still working my way across the room-a little at a time because I get so mad I have to stop for awhile.

  80. Sara says:

    I don’t make the mr read all the posts, but this one had him laughing out loud! Our 2 year old tends to find paint cans and insists “paint NOW” while shaking the can. I’m just waiting for the moment when the lid pops off the dark blue latex enamel can while she’s standing in the white kitchen. Did I mention we rent??

  81. Shannah says:

    Love it!

  82. Michelle says:

    Hilarious! Love the marker as “my precious”. Too funny. On a serious note, we have all of our bOokshelves secured in case either of our little guys decide to scale it.

  83. Susan says:

    Dear mothers of young children, don’t put the wine away just yet. My intelligent, artistic, lovely 17yo daughter thought it would be an awesome idea a couple years ago to write song lyrics and quotes on her bedroom walls. In black sharpie. She had the good sense to go off to college before i got around to repainting the room. Magic eraser came into my life.that, and really good paint, covered adl the evidence. Who knows, maybe she even asked if she could do it. I know i wasn’t distracted enough to say yes to permanent marker although i could easily have been distracted enough to send her on her wall-writing way with my blessing. Love the crappy fam!

  84. Erin C. says:

    My sweet daughter used sharpie (that I left on the table) all over our fabric covered chair and her jammies. I used rubbing alcohol and q-tips to get it all out!

  85. This is perfect.

    I love the bit in part 1 pf this series where you mention reading shampoo bottles. I thought I was the only weirdo who did this.

    I am reminded of a time when I, too, dared to poo for 2 minutes. I cam out of the bathroom to find that my son had drawn a Hitler type mustache (in his defense, he was trying to copy a figurine I have of Laurel and Hardy – Hardy has the same mustache) with Sharpie. Kids are fun.

  86. M.J. says:

    I LOVE how you have your son with the sharpie and he’s calling it his “precious”… LOL

  87. Ravynne says:

    Yes….yes, I have plenty of these moments. Now, please elaborate on how my own Crappy child manages to get the lock off of the DVD/CD shelf door. I would really like to know that one. The damages my own Crappy girl does is horrendous, luckily I’ve managed to move all vintage vynals to a place she has yet to discover…for now

  88. Jen says:

    HA HA HA HA…. love it, your drawings are so perfect.

  89. Teresa says:

    My 20 grand fine arts degree doesn’t seem so relevant now :(

  90. Erin says:

    Shaving cream also gets sharpie off of leather and stuff.

  91. Jessica says:

    This is post is so perfect. Love the diagram of the washable marker area/sharpie location.

  92. sherry buckler says:

    ahhhh, i love that you LOVE lord of the rings. so do i. :)

  93. Jen Gregory says:

    You are my “mama” doppelgänger.

  94. The sharpie WANTS to be found! This is what I’m going to say from now on when my nephew suddenly shows up with an edible crayon, a spoon, a pair of scissors…
    (I have him trained though. All I have to say is, “-name-, can I have that?” in a sugary voice and hold out my hand. Works like a charm >:)

  95. Sharon Stokes says:

    my daughter (now 6 then 3) wrote on her fathers race car – the real one in the garage that cost thousands of dollars to paint – when she tried to deny doing it we pointed out that she should not have written HER OWN name!

  96. Melanie B. says:

    This post (and pictures) are hilarious! My mom had her kitchen re-done (new cupboards, new counter top, the works…) and my small daughter wrote with red sharpie marker over EVERYTHING… concentrating on the light-wood cupboards. Ugh. We used a Mr. Clean thingy to get it clean, but it dulled the wood a bit. Wish I would have known about the alcohol trick then!!

  97. Shelley West says:

    My near 2 year old has been coloring the floor with her crayons lately. Today was the first day that she used the white dishwasher as her canvas. I haven’t even tried getting it off yet. I’m sure I’ll be much more frantic about it the next time we invite guests over.

  98. gia arnold says:

    I just today cleaned sharpie off a wood chair with whitening toothpaste and toothbrush.

  99. Kimberly says:

    Thanks for being my happy space today. You are FRICKEN hilarious. Love the art-ese description, brought me back to art school, only I was never that profound/adept/(I say “pretty picture” alot). ;-)

  100. mishiepoopoo says:

    i love you and i love this posting and i lol… but i am THE ONLY one who will make a comment on the cometic nature about getting high on permanent markers. it is one of the favorite ways our children have found to self-medicate. overly sensitive. mishiepoopoo

  101. Mercy says:

    I’ve banned markers, and even crayons are kept out of reach. My walls have been waiting over a year to be painted and my kids’ room especially looks like one giant canvas. I don’t think there is an inch of wall at their level that doesn’t have crayon or pencil on it. And I can’t get it off cause this paint is more like whitewash, the paint comes off instead of the crayon.
    And I just remembered, when I was pregnant my 2 and 1 1/2 year old’s enjoyed coloring the floor and I used to leave it cause getting down to scrub that was hell.

  102. Pam S. says:

    When my brother was 4, he drew a nice train on MY bedroom wall and signed MY name to it. I happened to be in my kindergarten class at the time, so Mom was not fooled.

    Fast forward unnamed decades, my under-2 grandson took a brown marker to our brand-new Wii. I bought special marker cleaner, set it next to the Wii, never actually got around to using it. When the Wii disappeared a few months later (another entire saga), the cleaner did too.

  103. Sara says:

    My 3yo stealthily swiped the Sharpie I was using from right next to me this morning! I reached for it, found it gone, and freaked out wondering how much damage he had already done. Luckily he had just squirreled it away in his tent and not used it yet… this time…

  104. Myra says:

    LOL! The best part was how to get perm. marker out with alcohol. I like your methods. :)

  105. April says:

    Your blog is the only one I’m always showing to my husband. Good luck with the Sharpie thing. :(

  106. emily g says:

    I’m on the floor dying. Someone help me up!! LMAO!!!

  107. Stacey says:

    I love it… the Sharpie wanted to be found. I think a lot of things in our house just want to be found by my daughter too!

  108. Sara says:

    dry erase markers get it off too. so funny. good to know about the sunscreen.

  109. Helen says:

    As I read this, sadly, I just peed my pants into a significant puddle –since I no longer have control of my bladder after having my first kid. Funny as hell though.

  110. Selina says:

    The mr clean magic eraser will also take it off!!

  111. Danielle says:

    This made me laugh out loud! It seems that no matter how well I think I have the no-no stuff put away my son will always find/get to it.

  112. andrea says:

    I recently discovered that my three year old was using a plastic golf club his father bought him to get things down off the top shelf and even out of shut cabinets! I took the golf club to his grandmother’s house where it will hide until he is an adult.

  113. Micky T says:

    I don’t think Sharpies were invented when my boys were
    babes. But I KNOW they invented permanet ink. And I loved to
    write letters (no pcs with email then, either) with colored inks.
    Yes, going to the bathroom was such a risky business for this mommy… as I found out what Aqua ink looked like on a light
    grey carpet! Alcohol just spread it around more. Solution was
    a little throw rug behind the over stuffed chair! It was good
    for a conversation starter or ender!

  114. Doug says:

    Your pictures and commentary are nothing short of hilarious. Very entertaining. I too am a fan of blending MS Paint pictures with humor, but I use my stand-up comedy act and animate it….it’s much more amusing that way.
    Here is an example of one of my videos that you might enjoy:
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ug-XH4DsHnE
    Again, great site!

  115. Sofia says:

    I just ADORE your blog. I HOWLED of laughter when I read the post about naps…and wrote about it in this blogpost: http://sofs-corner.blogspot.com/2012/04/crappy-pictures.html

    Keep blogging! You make my day – ANYTIME!

  116. Cindy says:

    Its the one think you learn before even becoming a parent, eh?
    QUIET = TROUBLE

  117. Chrissy says:

    It happens so fast! I got my two boys ready one day, realized I left my purse upstairs, ran up to get it, and I swear, I came back down to ALL the WHITE cabinets covered with black dry erase marker (THANK GOD for small miracles). Also, a lot of the walls were also blessed with their artwork. They were so proud of themselves they were hiding when I came down and then jumped out and yelled “surprise!” with their arms open wide as if to say “lookie what we did for YOU!” magic eraser was created for moms.

  118. Lesa Pinker says:

    Great post, but the last line really made me laugh. Seems like alcohol can do many parenting miracles:)

  119. Aubrey says:

    My friend sent me a link to your website and it seriously makes my day. You’re freakin’ hilarious. I busted out laughing at the “my precious” picture. And just to commiserate with you, my kids have done the following while I was attending to nature’s necessities: painted themselves and everything in the fridge with chocolate pudding, little boy dumped an entire box of pancake mix on little girls head and then they proceeded to spread to the nether reaches of our house, colored the walls and floor with red crayon and then ate the evidence… the list goes on, but I won’t bore you.

  120. Shug says:

    Funny. Very f$@;ing funnysses.

  121. Kim says:

    You succeed again in making moms laugh everywhere!

    We had a sharpie incident upstairs on the wall and on my son’s bedroom door. I painted it over with white… but unfortunately the wall is actually “caffe latte” or whatever that bland color is people paint their entire house before they move… soooo, instead of black lines, I have big white patches with the shadow of black lines showing through. Better, right?

  122. Sarah says:

    My husband(at the time) was supposed to be watching my 1yo son and he got a hold of a purple Sharpie and colored all over my white dog, my computer desk, monitor, and the walls and doors of our apartment, and all over himself, including sucking on the marker. When I went to paint the walls so I could get my deposit back, the Sharpie just soaked up the paint. It still bled thru after 3 coats. I agree, Sharpie’s are evil and want to be found!

  123. Snapple says:

    Ha! There is nothing like that joyful feeling of rushing to finish up in order to go deal with the impending doom. Oh, if I could just wipe a little faster, I could be out there to deal with that screaming child! I mean, we’re talking 3 minutes max, and yet it is too long!!

  124. Katie says:

    Ooooo, timing is impeccable. My youngest has zebra striped legs from a black Sharpie. She also drew some lovely circles on the tile under my table. Always cracks me up that my kids think to hide when they have the forbidden Sharpies…

  125. Shannon Roughgarden says:

    you are very lucky with it just happening to one cabinet. We had a whole “Sharpie Marker Incident” as well like to call it. When my daughter was two and i had just redone her entire room with new furniture in antique white, new bed and all and embroidered sheets, she found a forbidden sharpie marker and went to town while Daddy fell asleep “watching” her. She managed to cover every surface and herself and fittingly gave herself a Nazi mustache. It was BEYOND WORDS when I walked in!

    • Shannon Roughgarden says:

      Did I mention it was Industrial Strength Sharpie Marker? Yeah, nothing took it out and she is almost 7 and it still shows through the repainted furniture.

  126. Lisa says:

    LOL, drink a lot of it!

  127. Shauna Winterol says:

    Sure fire sharpie remover, even old baked on, hardened, dried in, seasoned sharpie…. http://solutions.3m.com/wps/portal/3M/en_US/Ultrathon/Products/

    I probably wouldn’t recommend putting this on your kids or yourself given that fact and since there are bug sprays that are as effective. BUT… I grew up in florida and we didn’t know back then and we did have mosquitoes the size of 747′s.

    Anyway, my mom would send me to camp with this and all the things my mom so diligently wrote my name or initials on would be wiped clean… hell this stuff even takes the plastic printing off the label of it’s own bottle. I once brought it in to a teacher who had written on a transparency (remember those!) with a sharpie by mistake, and it wiped that puppy clean.

  128. Marta says:

    LOL. I love it. I laughed out loud, twice. The LOTR reference and the alcohol needed to remove the Sharpie. Brilliance.

  129. Angela B. says:

    I was literally laughing out loud, as I do just about every single time I read your blog! I look forward to them every week!!! Your stories are SOOOOOOOOOOOO relatable!!!

  130. Anne Slater says:

    I did it with lipstick, on curtains and a linen-bound art book, from the wilds of my playpen in 1943…..
    A first child born of a last child, my mother once gated me INTO the kitchen so she could clean the living room. Here is what I found and played with: Cheerios, flour, and sugar. 1944.

  131. Helen Neale says:

    I seem to recall a similar situation in our house with a friend’s kids involving a pot of sudacream (diper cream not sure u have this in the US), a barbie dolls and a large green frog soft toy…the result wasn’t pretty…

  132. Liz says:

    When (not if) you end up with sharpie on a dry erase board, you can get it off by coloring over it with dry erase marker. This also works for the dry erase markings that won’t erase anymore because you left them on the board too long.

  133. Woolies says:

    haven’t you learned you’re not ALLOWED to go to the bathroom?
    Sheesh.

  134. Alicia S. says:

    Hahaha. A lot of it.

  135. JeniferR says:

    HAHAHHAHAHHAHA. Oh man. This is AWESOME! My four year old(way to old to do things like this) just scribbled with a permanent marker on my leather recliner! SIgh. How did I know it was her? It was a game of tic tac toe.

  136. Julie says:

    Bwahahaha! Very well written. Again.

  137. beezer says:

    How do you get permanent marker out of wood? My son (who isn’t allowed to use permanent markers – he’s 7 so he knows which are which) used one to write on a piece of paper not realizing it leaked right through the paper onto the yellow painted wood desk. Magic eraser will not get it off!

  138. elizabeth says:

    you’re a flippin riot! Thanks for the comic relief:)

  139. Lisa says:

    Motsenbocker’s Lift Off #3 will get Sharpie off microfiber. *cough* Not that I know from experience or anything…

  140. Stacy says:

    SO FUNNY! My 6.5 year old twins had me read it to them several times (i omitted crappy and getting high the second time i read it) They both also think you left it on the counter and my son notes that he thinks you drew those pictures with sharpie :) I am sure it is a cool computer art program though. Favorite pic is the one with washable and sharpie up at top.. this blog rocks!

  141. Sara says:

    My husband brought home a pack of “markers” (Sharpies) for our 4 month old to draw with. hmmm. Don’t think so.

  142. Lisa M. says:

    Brings back fond memories of my daughter putting liquid foundation all over my bedroom furniture, carpet, and shoe cabinet-twice.

  143. neal says:

    I’m no stranger to rushing from the bathroom to find my two-year old daughter lighting our house on fire. But it goes the other way, too. Sometimes she sneaks up and really wants to see what’s going on inside the bathroom, and as I’m a man, I have to decide quickly whether I’m being a man, or being a good example for her. I hurriedly do a pirhouette and plant my bum on the seat. I’m tempted to say innocently in a voice I haven’t used for 25 years, “I’m not doing nothing bad,” but she gives me a look that says she knows something fishy is going on.

  144. I didn’t realize that this issue was so important and so universal.

  145. hrl says:

    LOL! I was gasping laughing at my desk. Thanks for making my day. I remember doing this to my parents.

  146. Beth says:

    I never leave comments because you have so many, but I read often and I just want to say thanks for the time you put into your blog. You always make me laugh with your kid’s antics, which are so much like my own. Yours is one of those blogs that reminds me that I just have to laugh when they pull crap like this. This is one of the best posts ever! Love your blog! Seriously, you’re awesome.

  147. Beth says:

    My own kids’ antics, not my own personal antics, ’cause that would make me really weird.

  148. LMAO! Love the remark about getting it off with alcohol. My youngest always found the Sharpies as well and decorated our kitchen cabinets. Guess I didn’t use enough alcohol, cuz it’s still faintly there. :)
    Hilarious! I just stumbled upon your blog yesterday when I noticed a post shared on someone’s FB page. I am hooked!!!

  149. Dawn says:

    Thanks for all the helpful comments about how to remove Sharpie! My daughter once coloured her lips and nails in flaming red Sharpie. (as well as the couch, chair and coffee table….) I used rubbing alcohol, which made her cry…..wish I knew about sunscreen! or baby wipes!

  150. Wren says:

    Our cat likes to cause trouble by doing naughty things like knocking sharpies off of bookshelves.

  151. Hmm it looks like your blog ate my first comment (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I submitted and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I as well am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to everything. Do you have any recommendations for newbie blog writers? I’d certainly appreciate it.

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