INTRO: Here is installment #2 in my “real life parenting” series. I draw crappy pictures because I don’t have actual photos of these experiences. Here goes…
——————————————————
I’ve always been jealous of my husband’s ability to fall asleep and stay asleep. It isn’t his fault that he is a deep sleeper. But I can’t help it. It totally pisses me off.
We climb in bed at 9:00PM…
By 9:03 my husband is completely asleep.
I’m nursing my youngest and haven’t even begun to think about sleeping yet. I lay there motionless, pretending to be calm and relaxed so he’ll fall asleep. Anyway, I’m cold since the blankets aren’t on my top half.
So I pretend to be sleeping but really I’m going over the “to do” list or re-winding conversations from earlier. Or having pretend conversations that might happen in the future. On a good night the baby settles pretty fast.
Finally, around 10:00PM he is asleep. Success! He rolls over and my body is my own for the first time all day. I can pull up the blankets a little. I close my eyes for real. Start to relax and let go…
Until I hear a noise.
Becoming a mama has given me heightened spidey senses. A tiny noise a mile away wakes me up like a mama bear, ready to protect her young.
My husband did not inherit this quality with parenthood.
Wide-eyed, I strain my ears to hear. This particular noise is one I’m all too familiar with.
Enter 4.5 year old. I thought he was asleep by now. He has no concept of being quiet while people are sleeping, so he barges in loudly asking for random shit. I have to jump out of bed and rush him out of the room so he doesn’t wake the baby. This attempt is successful about 50% of the time. Lets assume it was successful tonight.
So now I’m in the hallway, hearing my 4.5 year old’s demands and bargaining with him. Water, bathroom or covers on or off, etc. I have no real power here, I’ll agree to anything to get him back in bed quietly. When he has exhausted all the standard stuff, he finishes by needing to tell me something very important, like “I saw a rock today on the ground and it had dirt on it and I forgot to tell you! ” and I steer him back to his room.
By the time I head back to my bed, the baby has turned into a starfish. Legs and arms stretched out, taking up my whole side of the bed.
I slide next to and under him being careful not to wake him. I can’t move. I’m scared to breathe. This is a very delicate situation. I have to move him. I have to risk it.
The first attempt to move him just makes it worse. He swings both arms and legs on top of me. He is stirring now so I can’t move a muscle. I’m like a statue while I listen to his breathing to hear when he is in a deep sleep again to move him.
Finally, it is midnight and I’ve successfully moved him. I haven’t heard my 4.5 year old in a while so he must be asleep too. I fall asleep for the first time!
Until I’m woken by a foot in my eye. I try to ignore it. A foot in the eye is a sign that he is starting to move into a lighter sleep. This means he’ll wake up completly to nurse soon.
So we’re nursing again. I’m half asleep but not mostly just feel like a zombie. My mind wanders to weird stuff. I close my eyes and see flashes of people and places like a dream except I’m awake.
Finally he settles again and rolls away. It is 2:30AM and I can finally get some real sleep! It is very unlikely that either kid is going to wake me up again. Sweet sleeping bliss.
Until the two cats come in at 5:00AM and announce that they are hungry. They continue make this announcement every 15 minutes or so. I ignore them. But they know. They know I’m their target. They know I’m awake no matter how hard I pretend. They finally settle on my feet so that they will be alerted the moment I stir. I get a few more minutes of sleep.
Only to be woken at 7:00AM for a new day. My 4.5 year old skips into our room and gleefully sings, “Morning! It’s morning time!” Which wakes up the baby who replies with “Mownin!” Then they start jumping on our bed.
Even this doesn’t wake up my husband. He is sound asleep. Sometimes I look at his chest rising and falling with his breath to confirm that he is alive before unleashing the kids on him.
“Go see Papa” I grumble.
They have to poke his head and repeat “Papa!” over and over and he finally wakes up.
And what is the first thing out of his mouth? The one and only thing I DON’T want him to say?
Grrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I love love love this post. I loved it so much I felt compelled to share with my husband. Even he laughed! Thank you!
she must have put a camera in my bedroom! I’m comforted & sorry that others go through this. Love it, this is so good.
This is my night too! EVERY SINGLE MORNING, My Husband says how tired he is and how he got next to no sleep all night and all I can think is that he’s a big Liar…..
hahaha!! my hubby is the same…
me: “im so tired”
him: “me too. i barely slept last night”
me: “Oh really?” *raised eyebrow*
“well you had me pretty fooled with all that snoring”
HAHAHAHA
Hilarious because it’s so true! How do they sleep through it all?
This post was amazing because it is SO my house! 4.5 year old, 20 month old… no cats, but I’m 7 months pregnant… so there are extra mommy-potty breaks in the middle of the night. I LOVED the description of trying to crawl back in to bed with the baby and the statue-like poses a mama assumes while trying so hard not to wake the baby! Holding your breath, hanging half out of the bed, hoping that your weak ab muscles hang on long enough to haul your rear end in to bed… after the baby has settled, is quiet and back asleep. sigh. Loved it. Great post!
Stop having kids. Seriously.
A thosand times, ^ this ^
Srsly? WTF is wrong with you people. If you’re so judgemental about people having children, WHY ARE YOU READING THIS BLOG?
Whoever posted that is that rudest person.
Stop making rude comments. People aren’t going to stop having kids. That’s not a solution to the above scenario when one already has 2 kids. “stop having kids” What a moronic thing to say.
…..my hubby’s comment… you get to nap!
yeah, right.
OMG! That is what my husband says! As though a short nap replaces a nights sleep?
With just one baby this was true…but now that I have a 4.5 year old who no longer naps it no longer works that way. Sob.
Yeah if you try to nap with a 4 year old in the house you tend to wake up to a disaster somewhere in the house. Now I have a almost 5 year old, a 3 year old and a 6 month old. Yeah NO sleep for this mamma.
Yep, I’d say pregnant potty breaks are even worse than cats since you have to physically get out of bed for those. I feel you.
OMG…Replace the cats with a dog, and add another kid, and this is my life! Thanks for the good laugh!!
girlfriend, you are hilarious! Save these, turn it into a little book and give them to your future daughter in-laws when they have kids.
That is a great idea!
Also I’ve been there four times! It is the same – no sleep for mummy! but youngest is nearly 5 and I do see light at end of tunnel! lol Thank you for sharing! It’s wonderful!
That’s extremely presumptuous to assume those boys will want to have children when they are of age. What if they don’t find a suitable partner? It’s their choice to have kids not yours.
Mel, are you serious? Let’s chill out and let a nice comment be a nice comment.
omg this is SO us! We don’t have cats and only one child but still..oh, and she sleeps between us but yes..exactly like it.. I laughed a lot. Thanks
Nev
I absolutely adore this post. And your crappy pictures. I laughed. Its nice to laugh. I am currently in the middle of despising my husbands ability to have man-flu and “sick-leave”. Grr.
keep ‘em coming! these are great and very very accurate. oh, and i’m lucky, my husband (also a sound sleeper) snores…..giving me a perfectly good excuse to kick him in the shins whenever i’ve been up with the kids all night (which, as you know, is every night!!)
Amazing! Absolutely love it. Very very well done!
Hysterical! So true! My hubby was against going for a third because of this exact sleeping scene…My little guy finally stopped nursing at night when he was 3, now that he is 9 I miss it sometimes…how crazy is that!? Gotta love hormones!
Oh Yes! Whilst this phase has thankfully passed in our house, I can remember thinking things like:
a) perhaps it would just be easier if I didn’t bother trying to sleep at all, because I felt worse being woken up when I was dead tired than I did when I just stayed awake
b) after 15 minutes of failing to wake up the husband to deal with the crying kid, I finally realised it was actually easier and quicker and less exhausting and frustrating on my part to quickly deal with whatever it was and get back into bed than it was trying to wake up the husband to go do it, thus demonstrating that the universe is fundamentally an unfair place
c) whoever deemed ‘sleep deprivation’ didn’t count as torture had *clearly* never been a new mother
e) sleep became something I obsessed about but couldn’t have – I started seeing what referred to as ‘sleep porn’ everywhere. The cat would just brazenly sleep beside me, teasing me. There’d be bed ads on Tv, torturing me and my involuntary sleep celibacy. Everyone slept, but me, apparently.
f) How is that you can time off work because you have a cold or flu because you are deemed unfit to work but ‘I had a shocker of a night – the baby kept me up and I didn’t get *any* sleep’ is not considered a valid excuse, despite being more unfit for work than any flu I’ve ever had
Oh yes, I went totally and utterly bonkers. And then I got put on antidepressants and I slept like my husband used to. And then *he* complained about sleep or the lack thereof. And I laughed at him, he finally understood the madness too!
So, so true. And I’m sure I’m not the only one who has considered stuffing a pillow over my husband’s face in the morning when he complains of being tired, right? Right?
Oh ive done that many, many times, ive even sat there feeding baby on the bed, stared over at him snoring peacefully, gritted my teeth saying ‘I actually hate you right now’ – still never woke though lol
As the angonist Dad in this scenario, I will present my side of things, even though I agree with this story and now have even more heartfelt pity for my poor, nursing wife.
First, I get cat duty, so I must not be THAT deep a sleeper (wife will argue this).
Second, I guarantee that the baby is not the only starfish in the bed. I go to sleep, sleep amidst, and wake up in approximately 10-20% of the bed.
Third, I try try TRY my best never to say I’m tired. Because I know how tired my wife is, and how much waking and nursing she goes through.
Fourth, why is it, and I ask this all the time, but why is it that men can just ‘turn off’ their minds, relax, and cut out the anxiety for the 10 minutes it takes to fall asleep. Women have this ‘think/worry/formulate solutions to every global problem thing whenever they lie down. Calm down. Relax. I know it’s a useless piece of advice that falls on deaf ears, because I tell my wife to relax all the time.
So, after all my defense of my silly gender, please accept a few small pieces of advice for natural sleep-relaxation techniques:
1) Count things. Start with ‘things you can see’, which may not work depending on the dark. then count ‘things you can hear’. Hum of the fridge, creak of the floor, bark of a dog, etc. Just count what your senses are noticing. I find this helps me relax, and makes your mind focus on more than just the worries.
2) Deep breaths. This does wonders for our toddler, too. If she seems to be waking up, I lie next to her and take long, deep breaths, as though I’m asleep. 9 times out of 10 she settles and breaths right along with me. It’s also quite relaxing and slows your body down, too.
3) Read. My wife reads while she nurses, and usually keeps reading for a bit after the baby has latched off and/or passed out. We keep a light on until we’re both ready to fall asleep, and this also helps relax the mind.
I hope you can catch up on rest. One of these years my wife will get a good night’s sleep, too. And if your hubby won’t get up to help with kids in the night… keep an icecube tray next to the bed for… ‘incentive’.
You are awesome!
lol oh yes!! I can relate to this!!! only add in that my bed is a queen and that i have move my frequent feeder from side to side depending on which boob is up next…I can’t nurse both boobs on one side.
It never ceases to amaze me how man can just turn off their mind, ignore everything and sleep. Maybe that is why they are such good soldiers, they can just drop and sleep anywhere. Now I have three like that, husband and two boys, who all sleep like the dead and am up at the slightest cough, creak of shift of the cat!!
I ready this last night before going to bed and laughed so hard I started crying. My husband was really intrigued as to why I was laughing and he read it and laughed as well. Of course my daughter woke me up three times last night, while my husband slept soundly through it. And like every morning I got up at 5 am with her. I’ll be very interested so see how things change if at all when baby number two is born in August!
my hubby peacefully snoring away now after my 14 month old decided to come and wake me for a bum change and feed has always said to me “but babe, I wake up when he does!!!” Funny that hunny, coz I’m awake at 10pm, 1am, 4am and up at 7am for the day. Yet When I ask him to just make breakfast (soak 2 pieces of weetbix and banana in milk…?!) he reckons get f***ed, thats your job. men just simply can NOT handle the demands of being a ‘mum’ for even an hour, unless they are shown *exactly* what to do!!!
Leave him then!
Christ you women like a good grumble don’t you.
Let him go and have fun with a nice girl!
Its really easy to wake someone up by simply placing your hand over their mouth & nose. Usually is so shocking that adrenaline kicks in & he’s AWAKE, then “honey, the baby is calling you, or junior needs to be changed
evil yes, effective HELL YES! 
Ha, that is a whole cartoon in itself. I’ve made fun of my husband enough for a while though, have to lay off him for the next couple…
Oh my goodness, sleep porn! Now THAT is hilarious!!! My cats do that to me too, I can’t even look at them.
LOL, your advice is hilarious!
To others reading comments, while this commenter is not my husband, he might as well be as he’d advise (and has) the same things.
Yep, I’d die as a soldier. Of sleep deprivation.
Absolutely hilarious and absolutely TRUE… Love it! I’ll be checking your blog out now!!!! Keep up the good work!
ummm…
i like your illustrations. especially the facial expressions. i’m not kidding.
You wouldn’t die, you’d just go for several days without sleep and then crash out so hard when people try to wake you up to do something you react without waking up. This phase lasts about 10-12 hours, then repeat.
Still sucks, I was so jealous of the guys but by the end learned to crash out whenever I had the opportunity. Cat naps are better than nothing and as I prepare for my first baby I have a feeling that being a soldier is easier than being a mom.
“And if your hubby won’t get up to help with kids in the night… keep an icecube tray next to the bed for… ‘incentive’.”
Great advice from a husband there!
I can relate to this blog post but must say I have no qualms about waking the husband to do midnight parenting. Thankfully we only have a 4week old waking us (me)now, the 4 bigger kids sleep all night unless they are sick.
you SO said it sister! My kids do sleep yoga too, and it’s my husband, baby and myself in a double bed. I have started sticking my hand and arm inside my underwear so it won’t hang off the side of the bed out of the covers! Our cat was doing the same thing, until I threw her against the wall… I know it is mean, but when you are a sleep zombie, you do ANYTHING for a few more minutes…we got a puppie, who I am crate training…no WAY the puppy is getting into the bed. But the crate training is going so good…. I went out and bought a tiny kitty crate, and now the cat goes into the crate every night, and I think she likes it! Do you look at alcohol and think…if I had just one glass, the baby might sleep through the whole night?? I do.
I’m a dad, and I was the zoned out sleeping Dad above when my son was young. I’d often wake, but not till after my wife had had to go and resolve our sons issue. One night however, my wife had had enough. She let me know in plain language that my failure to wake wasn’t good enough. I said “I can’t help it, I just don’t hear it!”.
The next night I awoke in response to my sons cry before she did, and have subsequently been fairly consistently able to respond to his and my daughters needs as required (I can’t nurse so I don’t respond to my daughter so much). I work all day, so does my wife, we both need sleep equally. So, as much as I am able, I share the nights as I share the days. I don’t think it was ever a matter of not being able to hear the children, it was that I didn’t respond to the noises I heard unconsciously.
Once I’d made the deliberate decision to respond to the sounds my children make in the night I was instantly and automatically able to do so. I’m still able to sleep as I used too, and still don’t wake to creaking house noises.
This is spot on and, therefore, totally hilarious!
this is sooo hilarious, i almost cried from laughing so hard. we only have one 9 month old but have two cats so i can totally relate! thanks for the laugh, i needed it!
Oh. My. Goodness. My hubby and I just read this out loud together and cracked up!! This is hilariously true for us too, with only one thing different- while I’m adjusting the baby, it’s our dog who decides to spread out starfish-style at the foot of the bed while hubby ZZZZZZZ’s away all night. LOVED the illustrations– probably more hilarious than actual photos!
Hysterical! I love it! And I also want to punch my husband when he comments on how tired he is. Try not sleeping more than a few hours at a time for TWO FRICKIN’ YEARS, then talk to me about how tired you are, buddy! LOL
My Hubby has gotten better about it, the sounds don’t wake him (I attribute that as much to his having grown up in NYC and me in suburbia as to gender tho, he’s been trained all his life to sleep through stuff that has me up and reaching for the phone to call 911 before my eyes are fully open since he lived in a 2nd floor apartment with the parking lot for the corner bar behind it from the age of 6 until he went to college). I have no compuntions about kicking him to go tend the older 2 ( ages 7 and 4) in the middle of the night and with the uberteething the 12mo has been doing he’s been getting up with the baby several nights per week (after a few good kicks to the shins and sometimes some vociferous swearing on my part). Our elder two did the starfish but perpendicular, feet in daddy’s face and cranium a constant threat to my nasal integrity. THIS one, though, lately wants to nurse that way at 3am – on his stomach, torso at a 90 degree angle to mine with feet toward Daddy. Rotating him wakes him, not rotating makes PAIN (somehow he actually does latch on that way but not a good latch). Oh and he sleeps in the middle, I sleep diagonal so my legs keep him from scootching off the end of the bed, with my head in the €¥£&?!@ Arm’s Reach cosleeper HE’S spent maybe a grand total of an hour unconscious in (kid 2 slept in it sometimes, more after he semi night weaned). Sleep porn. Oh yeah. Totally the right word for it.
Thank you! This RULES!
I am crying. This is too funny. Thank you for your beautiful illustrations
this is excellent. so true. thank goodness they all grow up eventually (except the husband of course).
Hilarious!!! My husband and I are cracking up laughing right now … because this happens in our bedroom every.single.night.
so i’m reading this late at night because i finally got my toddler and infant to sleep and i still have things to do before i can try to climb back into bed and not wake the baby. thanks for a great dose of late night suppressed laughter! oh, and we ended up putting our cats outside!
I HATE the man phrase!!! “Gosh, I’m tired.” I just look at him like, “You did NOT just say that!!!”
loved this post. And love your wooden toys. I’ve added you to my blogroll!
I am laughing so hard at this right now!!! So much like my life. I cherish the two uninterrupted hours of sleep I MIGHT get any given night. Thanks for the wonderful pictures too!
Omg… so funny. It makes me feel better knowing that omnitel the only one show nights go like this… last night I found my 2 year old laying on the floor in the hallway between his room and ours…. really!!!! Kids are crazy. The best part of my mornings is unleashing my 2 year old onto my still peacefully sleeping hubby!!
You are officially my hero for laying this out so perfectly! Maybe my ding dong husband will finally understand when I say he has NO right to complain about being tired!
I have pneumonia right now, and am pretty sick. My husband came home from work early to help out, so I was up at 7 and dealing with crazy 20 month old all morning. But we were napping when he got here, so the husband napped too. Then he watched the kid for 2 hours, laid down on the couch and announced, “I’m tired!” And fell asleep! Seriously, I’d kill him but I’m too weak to do it. No jury would convict me.
I’m a single mom. also have an annoying jack russel who has an overactive bladder and has to go out repeatedly. i know all too well about the holding still and thinking about random things. my baby crawls over to me while asleep or scoots to me and then I can’t move the whole night except for to nurse. When I wake up my back is sooo sore!
The couple times that her dad slept over he slept through everything. even when I yelled at him to take dog out so i wouldn’t have to go outside in my ghetto apts in the middle of the night.
Great post. SO true! I am so jealous of my husband getting a solid 9 hour stretch of sleep right now!!
I laughed until I was sobbing. Yesterday morning, my husband awoke from eight hours of sleep and said, “ugh, I’m just exhausted.” I nearly killed him with my bare hands, but seriously, we all know I didn’t have the energy for such an act before my coffee. Besides, I had to get up immediately to fetch oaaattttttmmmmeeeeeaaall and milk!!!! Why do these small people not come with volume switches?! And I’d pay good money to upgrade to the kiddo trim package with the freaking mute switch!
My husband never heard our toddler cry in the night. He would wake up in the morning and say “wow she slept through the night!” and I’d give him daggers and say “Actually she woke up twice”.
UNTIL I ruptured my achilles tendon and couldn’t get out of bed.
Like some magic baton was passed he was the one waking up and I was the one sleeping through all the fuss. I think that deep in their brains men know they aren’t the primary one responsible for dealing with children in the night so their brains don’t bother to wake them up when the children cry.
And I couldn’t believe how quickly my senses turned off once I was assured that my husband was getting up and dealing with our child. By the third night I was rolling over and going back to sleep when he got out of bed, and by the fourth night I wasn’t waking at all. And after that in the morning Id say “wow she slept through the night!” and he would be the one giving me The Look!
OH MY GOD! I about died just looking at the starfish kid picture…so funny!
I love this! It is hilarious! It is very much like my nights.
OH MY GOODNESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You couldn’t have painted a more accurate picture of being a Mom if you were VanGogh…
I love this and am going to show it to everyone I know.
Hilarious. Sad. True. Kinda depressing. BUT- totally hilarious!!!
I am laughing out loud…only because I can commiserate! Thanks for sharing!
Thank you for this!!! Made my night!
That was like, the BEST post I have ever read!!!
Love the pics! They add so much comedy to a scenario that is only marginally laughable when you’re in the middle of it. I am pregnant with my 6th child in 8 years, and (besides the cats) this has been my life every night for the last 8 years! You nailed it, Girl! Thanks for sharing!
So, these illustrations? This is the artistic version of what I was YELLING AT MY HUSBAND tonight. “Tired? YOU’RE TIRED? I WILL DIVORCE YOU IN YOUR SLEEP, ASSHOLE!”
LOL! So glad my 4 year old is in bed with us so I don’t deal with the “other kid” waking up XD But foot in the eye? Check. Spidey senses? Check. Cat meowing (in mine’s case, “LET ME IN!”). Check. Starfish? Check. “I’m so tired…” CHECK.
You hit every nail on the head. And they wonder why we are grouchy and tired
. I loved this! The motherly instinct to wake up at a pin drop is evil. I even wake up with sounds I hear in my half dream.
I laughed so hard reading this.. Tht i almost woke my latched on baby who is half asleep!! Awesome post!!
Same here! I was reading this in bed after baby went to sleep…almost woke her up laughing, lol.
I learned (recently) to get my mind to shut off to just sit for half an hour or so and get out all the stuff on my mind. It helps a ton.
We’re also “those people” who have a tv in our room…I put on something boring or non-actiony (something on WW2 or animals) and let it drown out my thoughts.
Also, this post is our house, minus the cats, but plus a dog, a 5 year old and a 9 month old. It’s exhausting.
Ha ha! Love it! I can so so relate. OMG, how can he just keep SLEEPING???? How???
I can also say, knocking on wood, that it does get better, much better, faster than you expect. There are nights with solid sleep in your future. I promise!
so awesome- this is completely MY bed too (well except I now lock my poor cat in the basement at night so I dont loose it from complete lack of sleep). Great post
LOVED THIS!!! This is exactly how my night is, minus the cats, and husband. Husband sleeps in separate bedroom because he can’t sleep with the baby “kicking him”. Add a dog who periodically checks the house with a dangling license, and a 4yr old on my other side. I laughed hard enough to rouse the baby, dog, and 4yr old! Awesome post like so many have already said. BTW, the comments are also hilarious
LOL, our Arm’s Reach co-sleeper became a very expensive pillow holder and cat crib. Finally gave up with baby #2.
LOL, that is the perfect threat. So funny.
Though I am not currently co-sleeping (just not as feasible with twins, though I am still nursing them at 17mo and hoping they sleep through the night soon!), I have in the past and can so relate! My husband loved it too! Here’s to hoping you get some sleep soon!
Hahaha, that is so funny. My hubby is the world’s lightest sleeper so he had to sleep in another room while I coslept. And when #2 came along, I discovered swaddling and sent oldest dd to him if she woke up. Made such a big difference!
But the movements of the baby in bed, those are hilarious. I still cosleep with my three year old and she still does all of that! I am just used to it, I guess. Heehee
So so so so so so so SOOOOO funny!!!!! My life, only with one cat instead of two… This has to have been about the funniest thing I’ve ever read. And I LOVE your illustrations.
Ok, just a suggestion, but I think you’ve cornered a market- you should REALLY write up some more JUST like this- crappy pics too (it’s part of the charm) and get them published. I’m a new mommy and I’d love the chance to feel connected, like I’m not the ONLY person going through this stuff, and then, to get to laugh at it too- genius!!!
Laughed as hard as I could without waking my 15 month old starfish. It’s 11pm and i’m surfing the webz on my iPad and currently have a foot across my boob.
LOL “I’m so tired”, yes honey, all that snoring I watched you do last night must have been EXHAUSTING. hahahahaha
I love it! I laughed at the “the baby has turned into a starfish!”
Wow. Switch this around and you have me and my ex wife. I’ve never been able to sleep easy. I was ALWAYS jealous of her ability to fall asleep within a ten count of her head hitting the pillow.
Well, when our son was born, that didn’t change. I was the one with the spidey senses lol. Every little noise snapped me to attention. Sometimes, when he screamed for a diaper change or for nursing, she slept right through it. And I got up to change him and if he was hungry, I had to wake her up enough to whip a boob out. Sometimes I don’t think she even woke up xD
And SHE was the one always complaining of being tired when I was the one spending more time with him than she was, plus I worked my butt off in a factory lol.
But, I can’t complain too much. Our son is 5 now and guess what he likes? He likes what daddy likes. Guess who he always wants to hang out with? Daddy. He acts like a demon child for mama, but guess who he listens to without question when only a stare and a pointing finger indicate he needs to straighten up? You guessed it: it’s daddy.
Now we’re divorced and all she ever does when I see him is complain as to how well behaved he is for me.
Sometimes, men have the capacity for such things. Not many of us do. I’ll freely admit that. But we do sometimes. So believe me, to any baggy-eyed zombie moms, i know how ya feel xD (and yes I’ve been a stay-at-home dad before when my ex was working at one point. Been there, done that. I can relate to pretty much everything. Trust me. My ex-wife was the “typical male” of our relationship
)
And to everyone commenting on guys being able to “turn off a switch and fall asleep almost instantly”…I say I can only WISH. If it wasn’t apparent enough in my last comment, I was the one laying awake, thinking, planning, formulating thoughts, ideas, thinking of all the things I have to do the next day after work…and my ex wife could lay down and be asleep before she could count down from ten and pretty much stayed comatose all night.
I envy that trait. I really do. Sometimes I forget what sleep feels like.
I don’t have kids myself, but I did suddenly develop “mom hearing” when watching my goddaughter a few days. Thankfully it went away again! I feel for all moms out there!
This was my reality for YEARS! Exactly this, down to the star fish!!!! This is why I gave up on cosleeping. For real.
I don’t know which is funnier, the ‘random shit’ children need to tell you right now – my daughter is eight and I still get this, and it takes her painful minutes to formulate just the right sentence too – or the cats that come into the room purring, purring, purring, walking all over you and then sit on your legs and stare at you. And in the meantime my hubby is still asleep. And there’s the moving the toddler from boob to boob mentioned in a post above. This starts at about 5am. When the toddler wants to get up hubby usually does the duty because I reckon I have already taken first shift.
you are good!
so true! you should do another one about meal time!
How can he be tired??? He had more than 10 hours sleep. I don’t think I had that much sleep in one night in … I can’t remember when! I am so in awe of 10 hours sleep … how amazing would you feel the next day with 10 hours of unbroken sleep … wow!
Love your post … I had a few giggles through it
Whilst my partner can sleep through a howling baby, the slightest whimper from our aged hound and he’d leap out of bed and let him out for a wee, so division of labour I suppose. It’s sooooo nice to read everyone’s stories and know it’s not just me laying there at 3 am trying to detach 2 year old from boob and roll over to get some sleep. I think it’s when she’s got teething pain it feels like I’m being chewed on all night. Not something you can moan about to many people as there’s the dark secret that you *shock horror* co-sleep and *disgust* that you “still” breastfeed. So it’s nice to a group outpouring of frustration like this and a good laugh about it all.
Thank you!
Love this – live it almost every night. Brilliant – are you on twitter, can’t find you?
ignore that, found you…
Oh shit. I’m new here. I think I just fell in love with you! I laughed so hard I cried. Literally! This was me with my son (minus the cats). Not so much with my daughter but she’s only 5 weeks old so I fully expect to have that “don’t breath you might wake her” feeling any day now.
Hahaha! I loved this! An all too familiar scene! …except when I wake up I’m usually angry at my husband for sleeping all night and want to punch him when he says, “I’m so tired.” LOL
Absolutely spot on (totally how it works in this household) except ONE minor detail… the morning wink-wink, nudge-nudge, “how about it” from hubby! GRRRR!! Or does that only happen to me?
I am absolutely CRYING with laughter!
That’s the best and truest thing I’ve read in ages. Absolutely hilarious. Best medicine ever!
Thank You
Obviously, just shared this with hubby, mother and all those collegues who keep how relaxing it must be to stay home with three kids.
I think I’ve threatened that exact thing!
I love this so much, lol. Sans 4.5 year old, this is my life and my deep sleeping husband.
This is 100% accurate!!!!
I am linking this to my husband so he can see what my every night is like.
Toddlers, babies, cats- sleep is pretty much non-existent for me.
OMG this is my life. Switch out an aging dog for the cats and add another 8year old boy and this is my life! Thank you for making me feel “normal” this morning! The Daddy has no clue!
LOL I am showing this to my husband when he gets home today. Hilarious. : )
This is by far the funniest thing I have seen yet, and it illustrates my night almost exactly. I will say my H doesn’t sleep through all the night-time chaos, but it is amazing sometimes how he can sleep through most of it. Thanks for the laughs!!
This is bloody marvellous! I don’t have the older child, but you’ve described my (non)sleeping arrangement perfectly!
I was feeling a bit crap today, but you’ve really make me chuckle. Thank you!
OK this is my life, how did you know? Just add 2 more kids… 7,5,3,1 and two cats. ON a good night, I get two hours in a row of sleep, on nights like last night? every hour being woken up I love this post. I’m sad for all of you, but glad I am not alone.
My dh often says he’s tired. I really think I Might try the ice cube thing.
I re homed our cat to prevent him from disturbing our sleep. We have 4.5 in he’s bed in our room so we don’t have to move to listening to irrational converstaions about being cold so needed the fan on. Love this post.
Hysterical (and very true).
Love it.
Watch this “nothing box” video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0BxckAMaTDc
It will explain that “why is it that men can just ‘turn off’ their minds, relax, and cut out the anxiety for the 10 minutes it takes to fall asleep. Women have this ‘think/worry/formulate solutions to every global problem thing whenever they lie down” issue. You’ll laugh…trust me.
I remember those days so clearly! I didn’t have to deal with sharing my bed with a husband (single mom) so I guess that’s one small blessing.
I still have yet to sleep through the night (even though my son is 8!)
i can soooooo relate to this, and i love the pictures!!
Love this! Great pictures and so funny, but true!
This is hysterical……..you have obviously spent a night at my house as you described it down to a tee!!!!! Thank you for making me laugh whole heartedly (and making me realise that I am not on my own here!!!). xxx
I know exactly how this is, minus the 4 year old. But I will have that in a few years too! Haahahh.
I just died. Seriously, you just killed me and I’m dead.
The hilarity of this due to the absolute truth of the situation had caused such raucous laughter that it killed me.
This is what nights were like for me, except that we didn’t cosleep so I was climbing out of bed to go and feed my dd in her room. Our dog was the one making noise during the night instead of the cats
My husband slept through everything unless I pumped and put bottles in the fridge, then gave him the monitor and told him to sleep in the guest room with it. I did this about once a week just to save my sanity!
Have you considered the fact he may be faking?
Hilarious!
Hah hah! This is great! When the twins were first born they slept in a bassenett righr by the bedroom door. I had a c section so I figured my husband would understand that I needed help. Pssssht yea right. One would scream to feed, id make a bottle, feed him get him to sleep. Total time one and a half hour. Then, the other one would wake up and I would do it all over again the while night while he slept the night away. Most mornings you would find me laying on the couch with both boys in the little seat bouncer vibrating thing bounce with one hand and one foot,looking like a friggen zombie. He would shuffle into the living room abd say something like “woo, last night was rough,huh?” And it would take everything in me not to beat him with whatever was laying near by. Now the twins are 3 abd nothing had changed except that I get home at 6:30pm abd get up at 5:30 for work…..all while continuing the juggling of kiddos. Good luck gals!
My kids are grown and long past this stage, but I learned several tricks with them and with kids I’ve cared for since.
Rizz the Dad is right – if you “sleep breathe” that baby or toddler will sink back into sleep. Has saved my sanity several ties.
I also learned a trick from my dad- run a light finger down the nose of a baby resisting leep. It makes then close their eyes, and paced repitition also soothes and puts them into that deep sleep.
I still don’t sleep as deeply as I did as a college student, but as the kids got older, my sleep got deeper. Now people can do things around me, in my own room even, and I’m not hearing it. And I fall asleep quickly too- but then by the time I hit the bed, I’ve already dozed off in my livingroom chair. But I still hear the click as the kitchen light cools after being turned off.
So no more little kids, but I do have a dog that knows I can hear him when dad can’t – and so comes and does a subsonic whine right in my face, and is much more persistent than any toddler. So much for a weekend sleep in – dog wants to go out so he can bark at the invisible thing.
So funny!! Haha! Tho, I have to admit, my kids NEVER slept in my bed – I don’t think I could handle it.:) However I can remember sending evil glaces my hubby’s way while he snored as I nursed the chillins in the middle of the night.
Yep, you have it spot on, only I have a 2 year old and 4.5 year old as well as a 5 month old to keep me busy. Two cats as well. The husband now chooses to sleep in the spare room so I’ve done 5 months of night wakings on my own, night in, night out, while I hear him snoring loudly and blissfully through the wall.
I must admit I laughed that the husband offers solutions here – without wanting to sound totally sexist and generalised, that is also par for the course. Solutions! Forget the solutions. I just want a hug and to be told I’m doing a great job once in a while (and a night off would be nice…)
You are like a window into my soul. Thank you for making me feel a little bit saner as I realize that I’m not the only one who does the “fake relaxation” while replaying conversations that have never happened & what route I should take them. And really? What gives with the husbands?? Sleeping jerks! You make me feel warm & fuzzy!!!!!
This was awesome! I loved the starfish part.
“What she said!” Oh man, you NAILED it…every last detail. Thank you for articulating the silent torture so many of us experience, and so few outsiders understand.
i LOVED THIS!!!!!!!!!!!! We have two cats and I’m currently pregnant with baby 2….I guess I have this to look forward to, yippeee.
P.s: My husband also sleeps like a log. Bastard.
well, i’m past the baby stage (but i remember!), but i still have the cats. you described my two perfectly!!! and even tho i’m not married, i have a grown daughter in another room. STILL they know I’M the target, too. thanks for the…laugh?
I love this! It is currently 11:00 am, I’ve been awake since 7:30 am when my five year old came to me and asked me to wipe his butt. Guess who is STILL in bed right now!
oh, THAT takes the cake!!! i think i would have had a HUGE blow up at that point!!!
This is SO me! Except that after nursing 6 (usually w/ the toddler sleeping at my feet in the bed)I’ve perfected the art of sleep-nursing. I would DEFINITELY be getting rid of the cats, though. When you have kids, you have to prioritize.
well, i dont think one EVER gets the unbroken sleep after one has had children. because it seems to me that even after youre past the child bearing age, you wake up for various reasons. and you just cant sleep for that long. i’m awake until 11pm every night. and i have to get up at 5am. that’s only 6 hours. and STILL i always wake up on my own between 4am and 4:45am!!! and if i DONT, my cats wake me up for sure between 5am and 6pm. (they know my alarm system!) every now and then, i am so exhausted that i will sleep all night and all day. but not continuously.
so it just never gets better. =(
Omg I totally relate to this. My kids are now 8, 5, & 2 so they’ve grown out of the nursing stage. But I must say, having separate beds is a marriage saver! At least then you don’t have to listen to the husband snoring & enjoying his night while you lay there praying for the little ones to let you sleep thru the night just once!
I think the main think to know is that just when you think it’ll never end and you feel like you want to stick a fork in your husbands neck… Your baby actually sleeps thru the night! Halleluja! Haha
Oh, also if you have a baby gate and your cat is too fat to jump over it (as is mine) block off the area to keep it out of your room, voila! Problem solved!
i might get in trouble if my daughter sees this! but i get the same thing and she’s 27!!!!! hahahahahah!!!! well, it’s not random. but she tells me all about her day and sometimes it is…well….what can i say? all i want to do is go to sleep and she keeps talking!!! she knows she does this and we laugh about it. but still….it never ends!!!
You had me laughing out loud. My husband had to come check on me to see what was so funny. This is the truth of life for me (and countless other moms too). Thank you!
You just described and drew pictures of my nights complete with snoring, oblivious husband!
OMG best laugh in a long time. This is soooooo accurate. and hubby never gets it.
Thanks for the laugh! I agree, I am usually wasting precious sleep time because I’m so pissed at my husband for not having to nurse!!! So funny
Soooo funny! And so very true. This could be us except 1 baby and 1 cat. Oh and thankfully the Husband DOES hear that same cat puking in the bathroom after I have finally fallen asleep. What a sweetheart for cleaning up that mess!
LOL glad to know I’m not the only one that does that! My husband snores or if I’m in a particularly foul mood that night I’ll kick him and wake him up and say “your turn”. Sometimes it works, and sometimes he’s so out of it he would just have to die if a disaster struck because there is no waking him up.
I love it, cus I’ll be that husband in a few years time.. I sleep like a log!
LOL are you kidding? the 45 min I might get after the kids fall asleep does not make up for 6 hours straight (if you’re lucky) that I need to get to function above zombie!
LOVE this! I read this last night and was laughing so hard I was crying and then asked my husband to read it. He answered with…wait for it…
“I’ll read it tomorrow, I’m just too tired tonight” (?!?!)
Oh, the irony.
You are hilarious! And you inspired me to add a “picture” to my post today, I was so bummed I didn’t have my camera on hand but nevertheless, doesn’t mean you can’t capture it! haha.
Fabulous! This is a perfect combo of my son at 1 year and him now at 3.5, so yeah I get it. The foot in the eye? Oh yeah. Luckily our two bedrooms are connected, so my son can travel back and forth, but we can lock the cats out. But the scratching on the door might drive me bonkers! Funny how we wouldn’t trade all of this for the world, ya know?
OMG I laughed so hard @this
Totally 100 percent true 
This is my favorite comment. The initial blog post that brought all of us sleep deprived, sleep porn victims together was priceless, but this comment is why I’m glad I took the time to read the comments!! Thank you, thank you!! I so needed a laughter break today!
I looove this post!! It is so true! I have had many nights like this. When we had our second, all four of us shared a room at my in-laws house because we were in-between houses. So I completely identify with this post! thank you for being so real about it!
OMG I love this post. It’s so true and pretty much sums up the first 18 months of co sleeping for us.
And my now 4yr old is just the same about telling me about random stuff like seeng a rock or whatever, lol.
Fantastic
Am adding this to my faves 
You had a webcam in my room??
Simply Brilliant!
This was my life for seven solid years minus the cats plus an extra child, then I got an 18 month reprieve, and now I am pregnant with #4. Right now it is just the 3 yr old occasionally getting up and needing to be steered back into bed and my bladder, but I am dreading revisting this saga. About a week ago we were helping my mother in law, who had a health incident and the spidy senses came back. The next day I told my husband, “I forgot what this was like and now we are about to do it again!” But it does pass. We also keep blankets and pillows on the floor for the stray child who may come in at night. They know they are to tuck themselves in down there and not wake us up unless they are sick or hurt. It cuts down on the night waking as most of the time the preschool aged visits are just insecurity.
hilarious love it i remember it well!!, so someone tell me why im about to have number 4 aaagghhh
omg, I’m laughing to hard there are tears. every.single.part is so true! thanks for the smile this afternoon!
OMG! Sooo funny! I really needed that today, as I sit at work trying to stay awake!!!
good advice, but our brains are wired to multitask, and it’s REALLY hard to turn it off. I sometimes think ADHD in boys occurs when they are born with the wider whatchamacallit between the hemispheres: a woman’s brain. I think you should offer your wife a nice back rub, foot rub, or body massage. The physical touch/relaxation helps turn our wired brains off. You two will make it! (I raised 4 girls and their dad never changed a diaper. It didn’t last.)
This is hysterical. THANK YOU for the laughs, even if the truth behind them isn’t very funny at the moment.
So very funny! Brilliant!
When those words come out of my husbands mouth, I’m very tempted to place a pillow over his head… you know to help him sleep better.
We both laughed so hard, we were stressing we might wake the baby!
Thank you!
omg what mom hasn’t had this scenario? Except in my pictures, I’d have to draw snoring. Lots of loud snoring. All night long. And then oh dear the poor darling is tired. Smother him.
this has to be the funniest thing I have ever read. Mainly for me because it is soooo true!!! I love love love it!! This is every night for me except replace the cats with more children lol..thank you for this!!
This is the BEST post I have read in ages!
In my house the cat would get a PILLOW through the air though.
This is great. I know exactly what you’re talking about. The “crappy pictures” were the perfect illustration! LOVE IT!
Thank you so much for this! I love the humour of any situation and not is this accurate, it’s also hilarious. My poor wife sat next to me, shaking her head and saying ‘it’s true’ all through it.
A thousand times LOL! I learned early w/my son the importance of a cosleeper to get him from the bed in a short distance to his own space where us moving wouldn’t bug him. Oh and I’d sooo have woken up my husband to take care of kid #2 at the 10:30 mark. I have a few good jabbing maneuvers that get his deep sleeping ass up
fabulous!
Best. Thing. I’ve. Seen. ALL. Day.
Amen to all of that. I’ve often wondered how many other women are doing the exact thing I’m doing at 2:30am as I’m feeding the baby or kicking the cat out of our room. lol! I wish I could sleep like my husband, too, though I am definitely guilty of unleashing the little people upon him in the morning.
I smell a book deal.
I just laughed my butt off. Thank you so very much. Between this & the diaper change story, I have tears coming out of my eyes. Thank you so much for sharing. Keep the stories coming.
I have a 4 yo & almost 7 yo (both boys) I can so relate.
Been there too. I am so jealous of my husband. His head hits the pillow and he is OUT within 3 minutes. My life also in your stated crappy pictures, wk for me even down to the 2 cats. Mine come in at 5:30 AM however so I get half an hour more. Genny White Birthnavigators
Great post! My husband can sleep threw a bomb going off. Our 6 month old sleeps on my side of the bed in a portable crib and ya even though he isn’t in the bed with me if I make a sound he will wake up.
Brilliant!! so accurate!
just one word… TRUTH!
I’m the mom now with my son, but when I had my daughter, my husband was the one who got up with our daughter (I didn’t breastfeed her, just EBP). I was working full time, he was in school, and I just would NOT hear her to save a life! I’m sure that the mornings I’d wake up at 5 to go to work, and I’d say- Gosh, I’m tired, I’m sure he wanted to cover my head with a pillow. Now, our youngest… he is the starfish up there. I probably would sleep better if we didn’t co-sleep… but probably not, because then I’d actually have to get out of bed to go feed him, versus just shoving my shirt over my head.
This.is.hysterical. Maybe b/c I’m deliriously tired…
Yeah, women like to feel so poor and undervalued. Ahh ohh. Seems they never grow up. You are adult now, hello! Time to have responsibilities! I guess our husband is the one who provides everything that you haven’t mentioned here.
WTF?
My daughter has 12-week-old twins and a 4.5 year old. You’ve got it easy. Mind you, there must be some people out there with triplets..
This is spectacular! I cosleep with my 5 year old and my 8 month old with my 8 year old in a twin pushed up to my bed. No husband, but my nights go a lot like this! Thank you so much for your wonderful pics and descriptions! You made my night that much better!
So true! Hilarious!
OMG this is my life!!!!!!!
You should save these & make a parenting book & publish it. I think it would become a best seller
.
Made my hubby read it and he totally agrees, but he DOES NOT say he’s tiredin the morning lol!!! He not most men though
. Awesome post
No, that was my ex-husband too…
my tactic was the dig in the ribs and say “I’ve dealt with one end, you can deal with the other”!! Didn’t always work…even after four kids….
oh my!! thank you so much for the laugh!!! ive only got one child, but so understand the co-sleeping stuff and the starfish baby
hehe thanks again xx
My son likes to set what I call his “trap”. He puts one arm under me while he nurses so there is no possible way to move without waking him up. After months of not being able to sleep on my back during pregnancy i was really looking forward to a new position after he was born. It’s my own form of torture. Thankfully my toddlers are still in their cribs and can’t barge in though. The sleeping husband is the same…
Loved it! That was absolutely hilarious! And such an accurate description of husbands amazing abilities to sleep through everything!
This is hilarious!
So funny! There really aren’t enough comics about co-sleeping/ breastfeeding out there. I think this is the first time a “mom” funny made me laugh in that, this is sooo true kind of way (although in our house insert puppy for cat; I still don’t know what possessed me to agree to a puppy….)!
Thanks for the drawings!!
Best of all though, I sent the link to my husband who came home from work and said ” I’ll never say I’m tired again”. Apparently a picture is worth a thousand words
I laughed, and I don’t even have kids yet…I see my future brightly (?).
Wellc ome.
wellc ome?
What? I’m not sure why that is there…my fingers ran off. It doesn’t even makes sense, ignore me.
So, so, so true.
You are so funny. I just discovered your blog and I’m in love with it! Last night as I was sitting in bed next to my co-sleeping 6 mo. old babe and passed out husband on the other side of our cozy bed, I couldn’t help but crack up and smile. This scenario rings true for me too…except for the second child. Not quite there yet. But the nursing, cats, husband and the rest of it I can completely commiserate with! After my husband woke up this morning, after I’d been up in bed with the baby already for 45 minutes playing, and said he had a headache, I made him read this post. We both had a chuckle and laughed because it’s so true. When I went onto your what diapering looks like post, I was literally laughing out loud in tears and almost woke up the baby. Spastic Octopus baby is my baby too!!! Seriously. I’m a stay at home mama, work at home artist, and in general, person who loves to do everything too…so I’m really looking forward to reading your blog! Thanks for sharing
Brilliant! This is us, too, though right now my 15 mo old has a fever and I have never been so grateful for our continued nursing, as she won’t eat anything else and at least I can keep her hydrated…anyway, we’ve only one kidlet here, but 2 cats, and a 90 lb dog who chooses 4 am to get up and shake herself (cue jingling collar), which rouses one of the cats…Last night, my feverish monkey had just drifted back off when my husband’s alarm when off. For 2. full. minutes. I threw her stuffed monkey at him.
Thanks for the MUCH needed laugh
yep, that about describes it! Great pictures – hysterical post!
I’m not the only one!! I love it Thank you
a.maze.ing. thank you from one honest mom to another!!! we really are just all living the same experience in our own little independent households, aren’t we. the drawings were amazing. capture the craziness of that nighttime blur.
This is the story of my life. Except the cats. This is why we don’t have cats.
Oh, man, I can SO RELATE.
I heart this series, deeply.
Lol we’ll for me it was cats at 1 am…and I wish I had a woman like that my. Incubater left right away leaving me the great joy of living your art….most mom will tell u sitting up at 230 am feeding your baby is sweet and beutiful… at least I thought it was. It is true sleep is important but we can all sleep when they move out…or at death which ever comes first… remember 50% of all the people who marry end up in divorce or death…u may be one of the lucky ones….
<3. <3. <3. I can relate all too well.
My god this is too funny, you had me crying, it hit home to a tee! You should get a book going with all your stories and crappy pictures…This would be the perfect shower gift for the unsuspecting mother to be!!
Ha ha ha ha. That was SO my life a few years ago. Now, I stay awake working by my own free will. The “crappy” illustrations make it even funnier, especially the STAR FISH and the FOOT IN THE EYE…and so sympathise with the damn cats, too. I used to have four of them.
Yes, I’m not alone. Thanks for this.
You and my daughter could be best friends. Only
difference is she just has one son so far, has the
2 cats and also 2 dogs. And a mom (me) and mother-in-law
who are both a little crazy and have both been taken by
ambulance to hosp while staying with them to “help” her with
the baby!! It’s quite an adventure there every day and she
too has a great sense of humor!! Thank you!!!
You left out. “So baby slept all night?” I didn’t hear her once…
HA! so funny!! i actually don’t think your drawings could be anymore accurate than a photo. especially the ‘i’m so tired one at the end.’ here’s hoping you get to sleep tonight sweet mama!
that was freaking hillarious and so true!!!!!!!!! i especially liked the part about rushing out the older child and shutting him up because he is so damn loud…like that here too…except we all sleep in one room…i have ALMOST attempted to put my hand over his mouth to NOT wake the baby into an all night nursing state.
Just so you know, there is actually scientific evidence that women CANNOT just fall asleep.
I hate that he and I agree to take turns getting up with the kids, but this involves me HAVING TO WAKE UP TO WAKE HIM UP!!
Oh well, it no longer stops me from getting back to sleep-I just roll over
We have a 7 mo.-old, a 2 yr-old, and 2 cats. My wife almost peed in her pants reading your illustrations.
We’ll be keeping an eye on your blog for hillarities to ensure
1st- elbow your husband! Mine doesn’t have a very deep sleep but I sometimes catch him pretending to sleep not to attend to the baby
Luckily or unfortunately our daughter has a very high pitch cry and if she wakes up and is refused nursing (i’m trying night weaning: she’s 27 months) or climbing into our bed (i’ve been trying to get her to sleep in a bed next to ours), the “sirent” starts to ring… In nights I can’t handle it anymore, he pitches in (as it should be). So, ELBOW HIM!
2nd – have you tried keeping your older in bed with you? (if you have to, add another matress to teh side of the bed). It will help in two ways: a) your elder won’t have to seak attention in the middle of the night, because he will already be there; b) you will be more able to switch off the mummy-radar to strange noises in the other rooms, because everyone that matters is in the room.
3rd- For the starfish positioning I can only advise you: if your bb is under 6months you can try to bind him (wrap a sheet to hold arms and legs): he will complaint the first times but will help him feel cozy and sleep more peacefully. If he’s older, as it seems, I can only suggest a bigger bed or trying to keep him in a crib next to you (although you will have to get up to get him when he wakes but at least you don’t have to wake when he moves…)
4th- When you feel he is getting restless because it’s time to feed soon, do not wait until he does! You can feed him in his sleep: that way you don’t have to wake up specifically to feed him, you can try it when you come to bed. This will allow him not to fully wake and he will continue sleeping deeply.
-Cats: 1. get your husband to feed them! As soon as they see it’s him feeding them, their target will change to him. 2. Try leaving food late at night in their bowls so they don’t bother you at dawn. 3. keep them in another part of the house. My cats used to sleep with us but at first I was concerned with fur release to the babies breathing and later because of the cat fights they LOVE to have at 3 or 4a.m. So I keep them in the kitchen and living room area during the night. Sure, they complaint during the first month or so, but they get used to it afterwards. When they “behave” I let them sleep with us, so they’ve understood that if they are quiet they may stay.
Finally, please, please, find some way you can rest; take naps, have someone babysit one or both your kids for one night once in a while because YOU need to rest properly. If you are not well, neither will they be. You will get more anxious and stress-snap during the day and it can be dangerous because one day you might be too tired to really wake up if necessary… All the best!
Like great literature: this is funny and sad and UNIVERSALLY TRUE. I love the part about the tiny noise and mama bear in particular, as well as the trying not to breathe. The anxiety that comes with not getting enough sleep is some of the worst anxiety I know. Thanks for crystallizing the crappy experience we all share!
I absolutely LOVED THIS!!! Posted it on my blog too. Fantastic drawings!! Spot on! xx
wow! this blog is the BEST birth control ever! I’ve got an 8 and 9 year old and have recently been getting sentimental over having “one more”! thanks for the re-hash and vivid memories! no more idealizing for me!
I laughed so hard I cried actual tears. Take out the nursing (which I couldn’t do despite trying) and second child and add a dog and a baby with a tendency to wake up EVERY HALF HOUR until he was nearly 2, and you have my life. But funnier, now that said baby is 5.5 and sleeps through the night like a petrified log, just like his father.
Perfect… but you missed the scene where you get stuck outside the bedroom with a sleeping baby and you can’t bring them in because hubby is snoring so loudly it will wake the baby, so you spend half an hour at the door trying to do/say/throw things that will wake up your husband but not the baby, until you eventually give up and go sleep in the chair with the baby.
I laughed so hard my 9 month old started to cry.
My blog is so boring compared to yours. Maybe I need to add some “crappy illustrations” and let my sarcastic inner voice let loose.
This is HILARIOUS. And so sadly true. lol!!
***
http://www.ConfessionsofaWorkingMama.com
http://www.AskTheHRLady.com
Is it sad that I’m wondering how you got your oldest to sleep in until 7:10? Yeah, pretty sure it’s sad. That post was hilarious and I love the drawings!!
PS – Loved it so much I had to share it on FB.
dude…apparently all moms of 2+ live the same life! I laughed so hard at this and your first installment of real life parenting that I’m literally sweating here! HAHA! Thank you so much for the awesome laugh!
Hilarious! But, it’s so true. My husband is the exact same way. Landon sleeps between us yet I’m the one getting kicked in the face. Landon really enjoys pushing me out of the bed so he can have the middle and my side.
That was awesome! The pictures just said it all and i have sooo been there but thankfully without the kiddo as well.
Love, love, LOVE this!!! I do not have a second child (yet!) but all the rest (down to the cats) is totally my night.
So so true. Nothing to do but to laugh about it. glad i’m out of that phase finally. It’s so nice to be able to sleep a full night again!
My husband once slept through being vomited all over by our three year old! I’d had issues with his ability to sleep through any drama going on and was fed up with him so I took her to the shower, cleaned her up, and we slept in another room… next I heard from him was many hours later when he woke up… “ah, poo, what’s that stink?”
Ha ha ha ha!! This was just great! I sooo know the bed time dance. Not breathing barely moving…god forbid you have an itch! We have 6 children, 2 kittens, and 1 puppy. Yeah..I don’t sleep.
Sooooo funny! Love it
)
P.S. Found you via a tweet from Bleubird Vintage.
We are just one week into starting all over with a new baby (2nd); so this came in perfect time. I need the reassurance that I’m not the only one!! Thanks, loved it!
Oh, Sarah! That sounds even harder…puts the sleeping dad complaint in a bit of perspective. Kudos to you, mama, for nurisng your baby throught the night. Try using a pillow behind your back to support you, and another netween your knees; it seems like extar trouble at first, but you get used to it and it helps your back immensely! Good luck!
this story/real life situation is awesome. well not the sleep part, but i feel ya! i even record my husband’s loud snoring in the middle of the night to entertain myself while i’m awake nursing for the 2nd time already. lol. loved this! a good laugh, no doubt.
That is SO my life right now! Except that there’s a dog instead of a second cat, and my baby can’t jump on the bed yet, and my guy doesn’t say he’s tired – he asks for a quickie, and the 4.5 yr old is 5 kids ages 2-8, and I’m for the day by 6… I think I’ll go to bed now. =P
The baby turned into a starfish thing had me laughing so hard I peed …
… and I smell a book deal. These are AWESOME.
hysterical! the starfish part reduced me to tears… love the “crappy drawings” too…
Oh my GOD, thank you for that. I’m a new mom with a 3 mo old and 2 noisy cats. This is my life, minus the 4 yr old. I, too, made my husband read it.
You are spot-on! Mommy-ears, starfish baby, older kid and animals…I have soooo been there! I will tell you that it does get better as everyone graduates to their own bed. The co-sleeping days were precious ones, though. Great job taking me down memory lane!!
This? Is the best thing ever. No seriously. EVER.
I so feel you.
This is brilliant….i only have one child and he’s now 7 but lady….trust me. I STILL REMEMBER. The starfish made me choke on my water! And lord if the cats don’t still do that every morning to me too…..really great! (the post….not the lack of sleep!)
OMG. This is the story of my life! So funny to here it from someone else though. Thanks for sharing. Love it!
I love this! SO so so true!
Classic…so very true…no wonder we feel permanantly tired. I really don’t miss that
Believe me, Lindy. I was totally thinking this. You are NOT alone. I could have written your comment word for word.
This actually describes ME, not my other half!
I’m the one who sleeps like the dead (had major complications during the emergency c-section and nearly died, and after 10 months of recovery my body still doesn’t realise it should wake up to the baby and 5 year old mid-night).
My other half works LONG hours (hospitality) and I work from home (long hours too, but at least I can sit and watch movies while I work!). He does all the night shifts, because I don’t wake up at all.
KUDOS to my fiancee who does all the nightshifts with the kids…. from now on, I’ll have to try not to complain about being tired in the mornings!
Very very funny and sooo true!!
May I make a small suggestion though to all you co sleepers? It’s just a little thing that will make all the difference. Get yourself a bed rail (one of those things that you put on the side of a childs bed to stop them rolling out) and put the baby to sleep on that side. Then, if you can ever get the baby to sleep you can nod off yourself without worrying about bub falling out of bed. Or having to tuck you arm into your underwear as one person commented….that really made me laugh and is what prompted this bit of unsolicited advice
Interestingly, my children are 14, 17 and 18 and I am still the one who gets up in the night if someone’s barfing or not home yet. Just last night, (as in it’s 6:30 a.m. and I’m up worried) my 18 year old stayed out all night without telling me and I hardly slept for worrying. I KNOW if my husband was home (he was away at work) he would have said something like “We can’t do anything about it so go back to sleep.” WOW…men ARE from Mars. For sure!!! In conclusion, I love the starfish baby. I remember that so clearly. Just grab a blanket (or dirty laundry that’s laying around cuz you’re too tired to do it) and fall asleep on the floor!
this made me laugh so so much – gorgeously accurate pictures… genius – thank you
It’s even worse when your husband is a *light* sleeper. In addition to the kid(s) vying for your attention in the middle of the night, which you are having to deal with yourself, you get to listen to how aggravating it is for HIM to be woken up (and stay in bed while you’re dealing with the water, imaginary spiders, or not being able to find a stuffed bunny). Then even when you get the kid back to sleep in his own bed, you’re doing the “don’t move a muscle, don’t even breathe loud, is my nose making too much noise?” thing because you don’t want to hear it from the husband, either.
AND THEN when you and husband get home from work he is “so tired” from “not sleeping well” that he needs to go “lay down for a while,” and, at some point, he wants to talk to you about how “we” really need to do something to get the kid to sleep all night. ??!!
Thank you for this!!! Spot on, except for the cats an d our 5 yr old is in our bed too! ur not alone!!
Agreed!
I love this but my problem is my husband doesnt sleep well and he wakes me to take care of the kids. Granted I have to nurse the baby but he could take care of the 3 yr old at least.
I love this! I’d love to share a link to both of your crappy picture posts, but would like your permission. http://chasingchalk.blogspot.com/
Of course you can share a link, Karla!
Oh man, the staying up until they get home, I hadn’t thought of this as my future but it surely is. Teenagers sleep in though, right? That is a small bonus.
What’s with the baby sleeping in bed with you? Especially at an age where he can talk! You’d probably sleep better and have more to give if you had some time and space to yourself instead of becoming some sort of organ for your children. And what about intimacy with your husband? How do you maintain that with a child in bed with you? Then you women wonder why your husbands cheat on you. You’re not a woman anymore you’re just a mommy and all you can talk about is that. Balance ladies, balance!
Wow… I’m linking this to my blog, haha! It’s so true!
Yep this is what it was like at our house too, except the cats would wake me up by having a cat fight under my bed once or twice a night, and my aging dog would need to be let out at least three times a night. After a while I could even tell the difference between a “child” creak and a “dog” creak. Ahhh, the memories! (although I don’t have a nursling now, I still don’t get much sleep….shhh don’t tell the other mothers….)
If your decision is to co-sleep and nurse, why not say hubby’s in charge of the 4.5 yo if he/she wakes?!
LOL…I totally agree. You’ve brought much of this on yourself by not even considering waking your husband to deal with much of this! Trust me I know, I have a 3.5 year old with autism who wakes all the time and guess what? We BOTH deal with that…he may sleep better but I know how to nudge him ever so soft (hard) so he gets up half the time! There are 2 parents for a reason…
This is my house, 5 year old, 10 month old, 2 cats, and there used to be a snoring dog (he just passed:( )This got me through my zombie day at work after a night like this plus baby diarrhea and multiple emergency diaper changes and a husband out of town and the 5 year old missing him at 2:30am. I sent this to him immediately, not that he will bother to read my emails while he is away “working”. Read your diaper one too, hilarious! Thanks for sharing!
OMG, I was just laughing so hard that I was crying…this is SO dead on with my life. Every.little.detail. except that I have a 3 yr old and a 1 yr old. Other than that – same. Priceless. Thanks so much for this, it totally made my week. : )
Oh my god. This is hysterical. This is totally my life. How the f*** does he sleep through all of this?!? And it is exactly the same in the morning- “I’m so tired”… GRRR is right!!! Thank you!!!
I love it! Especially the “Starfish” baby. I have twin boys so i’m rarely able to co-sleep with them, because I’d never get sleep with two “Starfishes” but when I do, its exactly like this! Only my husband snores and the demanding 4.5 yr old is our obnoxious cat George. LOL
I’m part of a facebook group called PumpEase hands-free pumping supports. I was wondering if i could share this blog with them?
Of course you can share it, link away! Thanks!
You have 100% captured my life and my heart with your crappy illustrations!
Thank you, Hone, for your post and your choice!
I have to say, I’m very lucky because most mornings my hubby makes up for my sleepless night by watching the boys while I nap from 6am – 11am
I just pump and leave bottles for him and I get some rest <3 Best dad/hubby ever! He’s only able to do this because he has a job that he gets to make his own hrs which are usually 12pm – 8pm
I’ve often wondered if it was some kind of switch in me that I’ve felt like could be shut off again. Next baby, if someone offers to sleep over-night to help the middle of the night crying, I want to take the offer!!
Thanks for proving my theory true – and get better soon!
OMG! So true, I have 3 little wonders and all of them have exhibited these behaviours in the past and to this very day, ages 9,8 and 3.5 yrs old! Gotta love being a parent
I’m sitting here nursing my 11 day old baby for the fifth time tonight. This SPEAKS to me.
Funny too
That is my life. Has been for over a year. And I too, resist the urge to be completely pissed at my husband for being able to sleep! But seriously, I could have written this post. Baby, 4.5 yr old, cats, and everything! Amazing. ROTFLMAO!
Hope you are as immune to the no sleep as I am. <3
Blessings,
Val
It won’t really. The kids just take it in shifts, trust me. I’ve proven that I went mad with lack of sleep by having a third
I remember when I got 4 hours of uninterrupted sleep I felt like somebody gave me a million bucks!
You forgot the snoring. JUST as you fall asleep. ZZZZZNORT! *Hack* Gasp!
Eeeek…lack of sleep means I posted my email address instead of my name… Please can you delete the post.
Oh my God, I feel like this was drawn and told from my words! Indeed, I have an infant and a 4.5 year old and this is what I’d draw if I could!
So hilarious and so many women can relate! I am passing this along to all my mama friends.
Wow. This was my life for at least 4 years. Kids are 12 and 10 now. No more nursing, but sometimes I realize I have slept in three beds and ended up on the couch with a dog on top of me over a 7 hour night of “rest”.
This is my life! And I HATE the “I’m so tired $#!+”. You’re tired? I’ve got a remora attached to me 24/7. Going to work is a break! You can pee in peace and walk away from annoying conversations. Arg!
HILARIOUS!! I laughed out loud and had to share with my husband!! I could have sworn you were writing this blog post about ME and MY sleep deprived state!
Thank you !:)
lol, I deleted the email one.
I love this post! SO SO very true!!! My hubby is very similar!!! Love the ‘crappy’ pictures… so informative!
This was my life for almost 2 years, right down to the cats. I’m amazed by this brilliant post! So glad this phase is behind me.
OMG, you are hilarious…and SO right! I love this
Hahaha this is great
I love the drawings. I can so relate especially the starfish baby the moment you are out of the bed 
thanks for this.
This is HILARIOUS!!!
Now I have seen my future… (minus 2 more cats and a dog)
Genius!
I love this!! I am SO glad I found your blog. It is probably the most entertaining thing I have read this year!
this is my life. except add in a husband that is a pilot so only there every few nights. i swear. he only stays a pilot so that he can sleep when he isn’t here. jerk.
Oh..my…goodness….this is one of the most hilarious and true depictions of life for Mom of 2 I have EVER seen. As the Mom of a 1 year old and 4.0 year old…I can TOTALLY relate!!! Getting my youngest in a crib does help…a little. I loved this…thank you!
That’s why we got rid of our cat. I couldn’t take it. He would also run across our heads randomly in the middle of the night.
Amazing! <3 this. and looking forward (?) to it!
love this – haven’t laughed so much for ages! it’s all so true!
you have made me laugh!!!! loved it
If you like this style of posting you should all read http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/… Because this post is pretty much a blatant rip-off it.
PURE AWESOMENESS : ) You should totally take these drawings and make them into a free book that you could give out to ppl that visit your website. I think ppl would download it. I would : )
I laughed the entire time I was reading this post. Brilliant!
this. is. awesome.
My life, minus the second child and cats.
Laughed so hard I almost woke the baby!! How can you see my life so clearly? More! More!
Amazing, awesome post!!! I had a good laugh and could totally relate to this!
Kick, and I mean kick! your husband when the 4 year old wakes up! Ditch the cats!
i never post comments, but i HAD to after reading this, i love it…exactly what goes on in my house- breastfeeding baby who wakes up every couple of hours to feed but taking up most of my side of the bed, 4.5 yr old getting up to go to the toilet etc, and a husband who snores right the way through it all and wakes up saying that was a good night! no cats but a 2 yr old instead who thankfully doesn’t wake up often!
This might be my favorite thing I’ve ever read.
I can so relate to this! We have 5 kids (yes, I said 5…and no, we’re not done) ranging from 12 down to 6 weeks. Someone wakes me up at least 3 times a night, and DH was in the army and sleeps like a ROCK. It’s just not fair, but I guess it’s life with kids!
BRILLIANT!!!! laughed so flippin’ hard!!! thank you for the blow by blow fantastic illustrations..minus the cats and 4.5 yr old, we have the same life!!! this was the best read i have had in days..cheers!!!!
As a man/husband/father who sleeps lightly and regularly (at least 3 nights a week) endures nights that resemble yours – without the breastfeeding but with perhaps a little more Guantanamo sleep deprivation torture thrown in – I appreciated your cartoons very much! Is there a way to have one’s “spidey senses” surgically removed or have them discreetly implanted in one’s partner? You haven’t really lived until you’ve fallen out of bed after 3 hours of lying on the bed’s edge to accommodate two children
N.B. Try locking your cats in the laundry – at least the howls and meowing are somewhat less audible… T
Sent this link to my husband. It is perfect. He never understands why I need to take a “nap” as soon as everyone else is awake
This is my first time to your blog…this is the FUNNIEST post I’ve ever read. It brought be to tears! Just the other day I was telling my husband how great it is to be able to bring the covers up to my chin. I slept in a long-sleeved shirt every night when I was night nursing. The pictures are hilarious!!
You’re not alone, Kate. I recently blogged about this at godsmasterpieces.wordpress.com. We moms are allowed 2 non-consecutive sick days a year, and only with 6 months advanced notice and prior approval.
Amber, this is great, illustrations and all. You’ve spoken for all of us! (My husband complained this afternoon about being tired – after getting 12 HOURS of sleep last night to my 7. Thought of you.)
I enjoyed this so much … Thank you & your illustrations were pretty good too. I’m going to share this on our website http://www.milkmommymilk.com, our facebook page http://www.facebook.com/milkmommymilk & our twitter. My son starts actively nursing around 5am until we get up. I rarely ever get my body back. Lol. & then there are though moments when I in a half daze & notice that my son needs a diaper change & I do my best to undress him without waking him, throwing the wet cloth diaper on the floor & too sleepy to get another one… Leaving him bottom naked until the morning & praying that he doesn’t pee on me or the bed. Thank you for sharing!
So funny! Hubs laughed too.
I just had to comment. Wonderful post of a situation that seems, at the time, to go on forever. And I must say that 40 years later, I am so jealous of my sleep that I get downright mean if annyyoonne awakens me duringthe night. Except my adorable grandchildren, of course.
you are a genius. this is the perfect depiction of life, i’m so happy to know that other women suffer as i suffer. thank you so much for this!!!
xo
Love it! Our lives aren’t exactly the same (no cats, no older kid, didn’t cosleep), but the gist is there – our daughter could have been screaming in the middle of the night and hubby wouldn’t budge. There was only once, that was a pure miracle, that he actually woke up… I had been nursing our LO in the glider chair in our room, got up to put her back in the cradle, and I tripped on the footrest and fell backwards (hitting my head on the wall). Hubby was out of bed and over to my side before I hit the ground, and I didn’t even make a noise, really! I don’t know if I’d want him to wake up, though – he often will walk/talk in his sleep, so I don’t know if I’d be 100% sure he was actually awake enough to not put a diaper on the dog and let the kid out.
Thank you! thank you!!!! I am so glad I am not the only one with a deep sleeping hubs and that pesky 4 year old with a 5 month old who insinsts on nursing all freaking night!!!! Love it! More, More!
This is so dead on accurate! I love the illustrations! They really drive the point home.
So it’s not just me and my husband then. This is the story of moms and dads in general? Well. At least I’m not alone. And I’m not (alone) EVER.
Put baby in its own bed? Put cats in the basement or close the door? Lock child’s door?
This was so funny! My youngest is 7 now but I remember that season of life all too well. My husband slept through EVERYTHING and was always confused why I was always so tired. With 3 kids born in a 3.5yr time frame, night time was a 3 ring circus.
This is so dead on! Sometimes I look at my husband lying there during this chaos, happily immersed in a slumber, and I want to smack him.
Wow… this is hilarious… thanks for the laugh!!
-another tired mom
Ha! I love your incentive idea!
My husband absolutely cannot shut off his brain to go to sleep. His solution is to put in his earbuds and listen to a podcast, puts him out in three minutes flat. Of course, ONE of us needs to be able to hear the kids so this is not a mommy option!
Sooo true… I have four kids & four dogs. We kennel trained out dogs after having the third child. Who’s 3 now. But I’m bfing a one month old & constantly awake all night from changings & feeding. I had a c-section, so my hubby learned to care fro the 3 yr. old at night thank goodness & he tends to him if he wakes now. I don’t work, but keeping up with 4 kids, 4 dogs, dishes, laundry, & cleaning is far more than most do in a days work. I miss sleep…
This is so true! I’m crazy lucky that my husband is not such a deep sleeper, but that doesn’t mean I sleep through the stuff he gets up to do, whether it’s taking the pre-schooler to the potty or clean up cat hairballs before the dog tries to eat it.
LOVE the crappy pics!
LOL, great post!
I think I can help. You are missing a key element, found in the “Parenting More Than One Kid” By-laws. It’s called the “Man-to-Man Defense Law” and it states:
“…if you are already sleeping with/nursing/attending to one child in the night, Parent #2 gets a gentle nudge/push/kick (and I’m using the term “gentle” loosely here, interpret as needed) in or on any available body part until he awakens to deal with the second kid. Under no circumstances should Parent #1 be expected to run a Zone Defense when another defender is on the field and capable of implementing the Man-to-Man. Being a sound sleeper is NOT an acceptable excuse for Parent #1 to be dealing with two kids AND cats in the night.”
Get that law into enforcement ASAP, and you’ll sleep better. And then he can talk about being tired in the morning.
Me too. I is the cat that puts me over the edge! I love the summer, because our cat stays out all night and can’t wake me up.
Ohmigosh! I LOVE this! HOW REALISTIC is this! Only a TRUE mommy would know how this is! Crazy! Have to live through it!
I had four children and this happened with all of them…..so my life!
*disclaimer* MOMMIES that don’t nurse are TRUE MOMMIES too. This is just an all around TRUE MOMMY story….one of many(:
Thanks for sharing! WONDERFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!
That’s hysterical! THanks for sharing.
too funny! thanks sooo much needed that.
Add another nursing baby, and two 90 pound dogs in addition to a cat and that’s my night. EVERY NIGHT.
Oh My!! You just captured MY life!!!!!!!!! I have a 5 year old, and a 2.5 year old who still nurses, while I will no longer nurse after we are asleep she still likes to wake me up and ask for it. TOO FUNNY, about the hubs, soooooo how it is around here! And all too often I hear those dreadful words from his mouth after I have watched and listened to him sleep through a whole mess of kid drama! I’m now expecting #3, so no plans to sleep in my future, thanks for writing this…misery LOVES company
Awesome post. Glad we don’t have cats or their older child to contend with yet. The starfish bit, in particular, slayed me.
I wear a very light sweatshirt, unzipped, while nursing to deal with the cold factor. Just a thought to help you a bit.
Loved loved loved this post! I just stumbled upon your blog and I am going to mention this post and link it back to you on my mamma blog called the counselor mom. Thanks again for such a great post!
SO SO glad to know that I am not alone. Every time my husband complains about how tired he is, I want to stab him in the eye. SO freaking annoying! Thanks for the commiseration!
This.is.hilarious.and.SO.true!
So funny! I could not stop laughing. It’s so true and so well explained! Thanks for the laugh.
loved it….laughed a lot..it’s true…
I love this post, add to it 3 dogs,4 cats and a sleeping disorder!
Yes. My husband was cracking up at this. We feed the cats before bed to avoid the morning wake ups. But the dogs are in their kennels whining to be let out.
Here is a perfect example of the starfish sleeping amber…
http://engstrandfamily.blogspot.com/2011/07/almost-5-months-old.html
scroll down a little bit
I don’t know why, or how they do it lol
oh and i forgot to mention…instead of a cat, we have a 70 pound huskey/am. bulldog mix that crawls up in bed lol
oh my, I laughed all the way through that. I know exactly how that is. Though my hubby gets up at 4 AM to go to a job he very very much dislikes to let me stay home with the kids, so I’m going to say we’re even esp. since on the weekends, when the baby wakes up for the day, he comes in and steals him away so I can sleep until the next nursing. But still–the sleep through anything is quite enviable. And to rizzthedad–if I could do any of that, I would, believe me.
so, so funny. almost cried. Totally me!!!!!
I laughed so hard… I really did. Love this. I am right there with you… everything but the cats!
It kinda creeps me out that you have obviously been spying on me & my family at night.
This is the best on this subject I’ve ever seen! I laughed till I cried too! I am 63, was nursing and or pregnant with 3 for 10 years. When I was 50 I took on a 4 day old granddaughter who slept with me till she was 9. I laughed so hard at the starfish and the 10% of a king size bed! The the crappy pictures I loved the most!! God bless you!
Wow, this is my life (except substitute cats with annoying teenagers across the street who play basketball at all hours of the day)!
Ahhh, the memories. I made similar cartoons when I went through it. And I agree – keep them and make a book. Or syndicate them, sell them to a newspaper, make tons of money – and hire a nursemaid!
Very funny but you know what fixes this problem? Put your baby in a crib!!! And if the baby wakes up in the middle of the night, nurse the baby and then put the baby back in the crib. Co-sleeping is not good for the Mother or Baby!
Hilarious and here I thought I was the only one that did the statue thing or had the kid starfish.
Super funny.
Love your blog! We have the opposite problem, unfortunately. Hubbie can’t sleep with baby in the bed, and wakes up grumpy the next morning, whereas I can feed her in my sleep half the time. We’ll wake the next morning and I say: ‘Hey, she only fed twice last night!’ and he’ll say: ‘What are you talking about? I counted 10 times!” Bub and I usually have to sleep in a separate room.
I die! This is so right on.
I have to say this whole situation is all too familiar in my own home as well. Hang in there!
Oh my goodness– it is so great to know that I am not the only Mother that experiences this on a day-to-day basis! It’s funny to see your “life” in writing! Thank you for sharing!
Amber: this blog is awesome and I especially love this post!! This one resonates with me as I have a 14mo nursing toddler who shares sleep with me. My hubby often sleeps in the guest room and we all sleep better for it. The dog divides his time between both rooms/beds. Lol. (this is Jennifer from CML course, btw)
good grief, it’s like you’re hiding in my bedroom. this happens every night with me!! well, replace the 4.5 year old with an angry cat who sits outside our closed bedroom door and meows at the top of her voice for 15 minutes every couple of hours or so…
really the perception of time is not the same between men and women LoL
Love this. Our comic strip would be similar except it would end with my well-rested husband getting up to play golf at crack-of-dawn in the morning while I try to keep the early rising 3-year-old from waking the sleepyhead baby
Apparently I live in your world! This is SO our house, except that my 14 month old wakes at least 4x a night to nurse, and my 4.5 yr old wakes between 2-4 x a night to have a ‘snuggle’ which then necessitates my escorting her back to bed via the bathroom. And if I so much as breathe too loudly the baby wakes up.
Love your work!
As a breastfeeding, co-sleeping mum with a toddler and a baby… I totally concur. This is EXACTLY how my nights go. And they wonder why you are never in a good mood in the morning!!!!!
Oh… and I love when my husband complains about not having enouhg room in our king bed, even though he is taking up half the bed while the baby and I share the other half (and I am stuck in between both kickers!!!)
I feel ya…I only have one kid but my hub is an insomniac and also, on the nights when he does sleep, an early riser. So many, many nights any block of sleep my daughter accidentally allows me gets interrupted by his tossing and turning, putting the radio on, etc. Then he gets up at 5 am, turns on lights, sits on the bed to put on his shoes & socks, etc. Usually he’s up before the alarm, which is great except for the mornings he forgets to turn it off and is in the shower when it sounds, at which point it usually wakes up our daughter before I manage to kill it.
Fortunately he also travels for work, so when he’s out of town, like tonight, I can theoretically get a better night’s sleep and even sleep in tomorrow morning. Maybe all the way to 6:30! In practice, though, it usually just means I’m frittering away the evening online after baby girl finally goes to bed around 10:30. Like tonight. But I will check before I go to sleep and make sure he didn’t leave the alarm turned on.
This is MY life!
You are writing about my life. I have been laughing so hard tears are streaming down my face at all of your posts and especially this one!!
Wake the husband up for the 4.5 year old!!! Even though they fall asleep so much easier, they CAN wake up if wife pokes them!!!
I feel your pain sister. It’s true. The tossing & turning, trying to get up after bsby sleeps without waking him, it’s like Mission: Impossible. Also crawling back in to whatever space he & your husband have left for you, but after a while you realize there is NO way you are going fall asleep in this awful position, & spend the next 1/2 hour trying to wriggle into some meaningful space for your body. Then you realize it’s impossible, just hope baby wakes soon so you have excuse to move him and actually find someplace to sleep on the bed.
sooo sooo true. I lol’d!
it’s been over 15 years since i have gone through these nighttime adventures but the memories are still very vivid. you have captured the cycle perfectly. thanks for the laugh!
I laughed all the way through this as it sounds like my life. Mine are 3 1/2, 2, and 8 months. All 3 end up in my bed at some point in the night. My husband is a quick sleeper, too.
But… doesn’t your husband have to work all day to support you and your issue? So while he is working in some crappy job, you get to ass around all day…
So fantastic!
Shits me too. It’s like the blokes think ‘it’s not my responsibility’. Um, yes it is. Sheese!
So…perfect. The only time my husband has ever woken up for any of it is when I tripped over the dog and fell into a wall returning from nursing. GRR!
Seriously…..teach your kids to sleep in their own bed. You are creating such a terrible habit. Your child needs to learn to sleep at a few months on their own, how to soothe themselves back to sleep. Your time with your husband is being stolen. I can’t believe how many people do this. amazing. I have 4 kids who have awesome sleep habits and they never shared a bed with us. That belongs to me and my husband.
I was wondering where all the “against” comments were.
I guess if you delete them then you make everyone think that everyone agrees with this. Other people should be able to weigh in on what’s best.
OMG I just loved this – a delightful and yet harrowing post because it was just so hilarious and so very, very true! Well done! Fantastic crappy pictures! I loved baby starfish and am going to share this on my FB page. (-:
I haven’t deleted a single comment on this blog and I’ve been surprised by the lack of anti-co-sleeping comments honestly. I imagine people who don’t relate don’t comment.
I emailed this post to my husband today with the message replace “cats who meow” with “dogs who snore”. And this was his email response back:
“LOL!!!!!!!!!! That is exactly (except the 4.5 kid) how it works. I completly get it and I’m sorry that you can’t always get the sleep you need! I will also never say to you “I’m so tired”. I will really try to be more Sensitive!”
Sometimes it only takes an illustration to get your point across!
I.died.laughing!!!!! Thanks!
Call me crazy, but why not move the baby into a different bed or room?
I agree though, it is irritating how quickly men fall asleep (at least your husband doesn’t snore).
I think I’ve found my new hero(ine). Seriously. Thank you thank you thank you! I don’t remember the last time I laughed until I cried!!!
The solutions? Kill the cats… no really… kill them. they are completely useless (except as fertilizer) and you can’t eat them and you won’t go to gaol (if you do it nicely and/or no one see’s). Then buy a cot and discipline the 4.5 year old. 1 more month of hell while the children learn thier rightful place and then you get to sleep. The husband would have come up with these solutions in the 1.5 minutes he was awake at 2am. I could draw pictures but they would not be funny.
@rizzTheDad – Your advice is quite helpful, thank you. At one time or other I have tried each of those and sometimes they work and sometimes they don’t.
Overall, I’ve been blessed with a very helpful hubby. He gets up with me and baby at night. He gets baby from the crib while I take a bathroom break. Because if I don’t pee before nursing, the baby will decide to use my bladder as a trampoline. Our first child is only 8months old right now. As much as we’d love to co-sleep it is difficult in a queen size bed because if we did, baby would nurse all night long. Did I mention he gets night sweats? Yep, we know he’s “really asleep” when he gets super warm and starts sweating. No matter how we dress him for bed, he still sweats.
Then between 6 – 8am we’re up for the day. With teething now it’s hard to time naps. But the earlier the better
.
This is why I lock the kitten in the guest room for the night still. So hilarious. Though my honey rarely complains of being tired and often gets up before me in the morning and makes me coffee. And though I do glare at his back during the 4am nursing cycle, I also note that he’s squashed against the wall. Though cozily covered up to his ears in blanket. I wonder if I will ever have warm shoulders again?
This is awesome. Thanks! I’ll repost on my blog http://www.mommamind.com
I absolutely LOVE LOVE LOVE this one!!! You are AWESOME!! Please keep them coming!
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA how have I not seen your site before now?! Love it!
You have hit the nail right on the head! I can totally relate to this – brilliant!
Oh my gosh, yes! Only our cat is indoors and can purr loud enough to wake me!
LOL… amen!
same here i have 3 kids and a dog that barks and snoresi n his sleep!
a 6 yr old that moves ALOT in bed i can hear him from across the hallway, a 3 yr old that still comesi nto my room at 5am to get i bed with us while i have my 4 month old there since i was too slepy to put her back in her crib. yup these are my nights
What? No him rolling over & trying to get frisky, then being completely clueless why you’re not interested right now?
This is so unrealistic.
I get so angry at my husband sleeping peacefully. I just want to punch him.
This is the funniest and most realistic post ever!!
This is SO like a typical night for me, only I have a now-3-yr-old, a just-about-2-yr-old AND a 2.5 month old baby, and a snoring bulldogge puppy that each take their turns waking me up and/or keeping me up throughout the night! And when they’re not doing said waking, hubby is talking in his sleep! lol I love this post – it made me giggle and nod with *complete* understanding and shared frustration! hehehe 
I just found you so I have to read a lot of them….I am laughing so loudly…luckily, I am home alone…my favorite part was the starfish…and of course the,”I am so tired.” I remember the mornings after……I finally destroyed my husband’s ability to speak his thoughts out loud in the morning with one deadly daggers-shooting-from-my-eyes look…he caught it right between the eyes, purely by accident, but it was so very effective, we had four more children…..mmmm, and he began getting up first(EVERY day)and serving breakfast so that I could go back to sleep…..he had a lot of fun with the kids in the morning(not that he had a choice, of course!)You are HILARIOUS!!!!I want a whole book of your Crappy Drawings!
Don’t be surprised..it is simply a lack of similiar experiences. The more babies the more flexible and creative you become as parents, believe me…each baby is unique , and smart parents adapt quickly, fulfill the baby’s needs, then siblings’, then Dad’s, and finally Mom’s. Sleep is so important it can be the most important criteria for changing the original ‘plan.’ Readers may get another point of view from your blog..and they are trying to enjoy a little humor…laughing feels so good.Some cultures believe that keeping babies and toddlers close to relatives at night, teaches the little ones the value of co-dependence within a family…the goal is a rested and happy family….people all over the world do not have the luxury of separate rooms for babies, yet it all seems to work out fine. Adults do not have the same sleep habits they had as teens, or as toddlers, or as babies…we all change and adapt over time . Flexible habits are probably ideal, but it is interesting how different families work.
This is way too funny, the sad part, it is so true! Glad I wasn’t the only one!
Oh my stars that is funny! It is exactly like that – and the fact that you have it in pictures makes it funnier.
I love the way it ends with the father who has been sleeping like he is in a coma for 12 hours complaining he is tired.
Love it so very much. And dad will also tell his friends that “your” baby sleeps through the night from 4 weeks – where you remind him, he has slept through the night since the baby was 4 weeks, the baby on the other hand is now 24 months and still not sleeping through the night.
Usually the conversation ends as I smack him behind the head and go tsk-tsk!
OMG, this is SO right on. This was my morning smile for sure. I will never understand men’s ability to be sound asleep and snoring almost before their heads hit the pillow. Thanks for a good start to my day.
OMG, so true . . . timeless and priceless!
OMG thank you! I needed that laugh; I love the pics (how’d you do them?) I love the starfish, I love the foot in the eye, and the loud random shit. Made my day!
I am glad that part of my life is past and gone but the husband part is still totally accurate when the kids do come and get me because they have either peed the bed or have a bad dream. Now I sleep in their bed until they are back asleep…which honestly works better…the urge to suffocate my husband with a pillow while he snores is gone.
If her baby is anything like mine was the moment you would move him he’d be awake and nothing other then nursing would sooth him to sleep. He grew out of it. He’s now 2.5 and sleeps on his own. Some of us co-sleep to get as much sleep as we can even if it might seen unproductive to others.
You are welcome to your own opinion but do not put down others. Co-sleeping has many many benefits. I co-slept and my kids do not have any terrible habits due to it. They now sleep in their own beds.
Everyone has their own way…it may not work for you but it works for many others.
This should be a book. It would be a perfect baby shower gift .
I absolutely love this story. I have 2 words PUBLISH THIS!
So true, 12am, 3am, 7 am the other child is awake and ready.
Just dreadful….
Oh this is sooooo brilliant!!!! All though it has been a couple of years since I was at that stage I still remember every single moment and this was what I went through about 6 nights out of 7 each week. The nest part is when hubby awakes and declares how tired HE is!!!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!!!
OMG i absolutley looooove the drawings, and this is my life exactly…. cept i have 3 step children that i hear all night :S Good Luck on getting sleep, i will sent sleeping vibes and punching vibes to the Husband!!
So funny and so true! But even with all this, I found I got better sleep with the baby in my bed instead of putting him in his crib and listening to him cry. When the baby is nursing during the night, you barely have to wake up. It’s true that women hear everything after they have babies, whereas men can still go to sleep easily and not hear anything during the night.
Hilarious, and true!
OMG, LMAO, this has me nearly crying XD!!!
hahaha! So true! love the feet-in-face pic
Ahh Yowie I have walked a mile or two in your shoes! Sleep porn? Love it!
I can’t believe how so many people can relate to these stories, and so spot on. You take the words right our of my mouth. It’s an amazing feeling to know I’m not the only one going through this, in fact so many of us are. I will remember that the next time I’m about to lose all control.
“Starfish baby” kills me, this is so true! is one thing my husband and I laugh anoyt the most. We bought our self a king size bed with the second baby and we both still sleep on the edge of the bed. My hubby also took a foot to the face just last night.
Im so glad I found you! I heart you!
OMGs! This is SO our family (but without an older child or cats) a couple of years ago when I was still nursing. When those words come out of my hubby’s mouth I STILL want to stab him in the eyes – LOL!
This is the greatest post I have seen in months. Brilliantly accurate and screamingly funny. Thanks!
After months and months of ignoring my cat (he likes to spoon in the middle of the night) while I was pregnant he finally gave up on me…oh yeah!!!
Get a bigger mattress!
Ha!! I hear you…
This is my house minus the 4.5 yr old and add an overly clingy dog. I’ve even had to have a conversation with my husband about being able to complain about anything he wants just NOT about being tired… NO NO NO!!!
Haha this made me giggle so much!! Although my 9 month old sleeps well I still do not mange to get a good sleep!! Last night I ended up with only 2 hours sleep, mostly on the couch trying to watch tv to make me fall asleep, I had been to bed after I got home from work but was pondering too much to sleep, then just as I was just falling to sleep my daughter decides that yep she would wake up and scream the house down, worse night to do it. Then this morning my hubby says to me “why didn’t you come to bed last night” Even though I was having a full on convo with him when I hopped into bed!!
Oh and the cat thing? Our cats now get locked out of our bedroom after they pissed us off one too many times lol, (and I am ready to lock them outside at night now cause they seem to cause chaos in the house at times.) But at 6am when they hear my hubbys alarm go off they are right at the door meowing for a feed gah!!
This used to be my life. I’d like to say that I miss it, because that would be hardcore, but I honestly don’t. But it does bring back some happy memories. I am glad to know, all those nights I layed in bed praying I would get some sleep, and secretly hoping that something would wake up my husband, I was not the only one in the world doing that very thing at that very moment.
Perfectly summed up!
haha this is my life except add more nursing.. love it
Wonderful…..Every bit of it absolutely truthful haha! I laughed so hard.
This is the FUNNIEST thing I have read in a loooong time! Love the pictures
I can totally relate to the part where you’ve got to fight little feet kicking ya in the head and face all night. I’ve been successfully chasing a pair of feet for four and a half years. Although, the end is near. All day kindergarten can really knock a kid out! So there is light at the end of your tunnel! Then you will miss that set of feet. Life’s so wierd like that! Very cute btw!
Awww, this wouldn’t be as charming if it weren’t for the “crappy pictures”
When my husband offers to wake up with the baby in the morning, I try not to laugh in his face…(Oh you mean after I glare at you throught the darkness for 20 minutes…?)
YES. You are so brilliant for putting into words and images what has been going on in my house for a year now. My DH is certifiably dead 10 hours a night and wakes up and complains about how tired he is. I made him read this and hopefully he’s learned to shush about it.
I love your blog so much! lol
You are hilarious!!!! Is funny how much I laugh at my every night nightmare
Fantastic!!! I have a 4 year old and 2.5. As soon as I start drifting off one will come, sometimes Mr 4 will go get his little sister and they will both assault me in the middle of the night, when I’ve finally fallen asleep, and then try play with me, whilst I accept their presence because I am just desperate to sleep. Eventually I may manage a few hours of sleep before the alarm goes off, need to get up, get kids and myself ready and get to work on time – do you think they will wake up. No and Mr 4 turns around when I wake him up – “I’m so tired Mummy” – hmmmm…. I wonder why!
Wow, based on this and all the comments I must be the only one who actually takes charge of my household and teaches a respect for sleep these days. Once my kids were over 6 months old, they were sleeping in their own beds and never brought into our bed, except in the mornings for super cuddle time (when they are sick I’ll sleep with them on a blow-up bed in their rooms, or on the pull-out couch) – everyone needs and deserves their own space, and they love their beds at night (taught by example – mommy does love her bed!). It was always extra exhausting for the first few nights while getting into the groove of that, but so worth it, for everyone involved. We also have 4 cats, and they were taught to sleep in their beds at night too (we have a designated night-time cat room, and they stay their from bedtime to breakfast – they even go to it on their own at night). We are ALL happier and easier to deal with during the days because of these arrangements. Please don’t complain about situations that you have brought down upon yourself by not exercising some basic authority. You made this bed, now you sleep in it (pun intended). If your kids exercise this much control over you now, I can’t even imagine the teenage years!
Wow. Judgmental much? I’m glad you didn’t live in the 1700/1800s, or in the nomad days when everyone slept in the same pile of animal hides on the ground together. Good thing they demanded respect from their babies huh.
Every family makes the choices that are best for their families, it doesn’t mean you give up the right to ever complain about it. I’m sure you’ve never made a complaint ever about your perfect children.
I love this blog, I love the crappy pictures, I so remember those day raising four kids. They are grown up and have been away from home for years. I would like to interject with something though. Please don’t keep the baby in bed with you. I live in Wisconsin and there have been so many deaths of babies because of people rolling over on them. You are right though, you are not sleeping anyway but still. Keep that precious little life safe….a caring grandma
this was my entire last year! (just replace the 2 cats with 2 dogs who want to eat breakfast at 5am). Love your writing and crappy pictures – they are so “right on”.
OMG!!! LOL! Thank you for writing this! SO COMPLETELY ACCURATE! It really doesn’t do much for the relationship though to listen to the hubs always complaining that he’s tired when he obviously has no idea what that word really means.
Yup that’s me xcept with dogs. Baby and dogs will sometimes tag team me. This was hilarious and so true. Hubby sleeps thru anything. I crank up the baby monitor sometimes when the baby cries and he still doesn’t get up. Bugs the heck out of me.
Love love love it
Sooooo funny. Your crappy pictures are not crappy, they are awesome! (I know, because I have an art degree).
Hahaha, this is sweet. Ice cube tray. Check.
For the first time in my son’s life, my husband just put him back to sleep. No mama, no breast. So instead of getting some sleep like I should, I stayed up to read the archives. I laughed so hard I…well…see the laughing before and after kids crappypictures entry. How many nights have I laid motionless with feet in my face and a desperate need to run to the bathroom but terrified of waking the little Monkey? And wondering why my hubby can sleep through anything.
Oh, this is hilarious and really hits home, other than the fact that my hubby sleeps in a separate bed in a separate bedroom two rooms down so he sleeps all night without hearing a peep. And yes, I want to strangle him when he dares to utter the words, “I’m so tired” (my baby nurses every 30 minutes – 2.5 hours in the evening and at night). He gets 7-9 hours of sleep a night, every night. I haven’t slept that long in over a year now! Despite loving my four cats, we are forced to lock them out since I might actually strangle them in the wee hours of the morning. Anyway, thanks for the laugh – I needed it today!
This post is so comforting since I know now that my husband is not the only damn deep sleeper who has the nerve to say OH POOR ME I’M SO TIRED AFTER HAVING SLEPT ALL NIGHT, BOO HOP. It means I’m less likely to murder him the next time it happens, yay, thanks!
*BOO HOO*….not hop. Haha.
Brilliant – and I completely agree with the previous comment about juggling baby from one boob to the other and the yoga poses.
We also have a cat who demands food at 5am and a 4 year old!
Spot on. More please!
This is wonderful! I laughed out loud! Thank you. xxx
This is hilarious. This is my life right now. I have a 2 year old boy and a 2 week old girl.
My wife could have written this post. Until I see you both in the same place, I wont be convinced that you’re not the same person.
Keep up the great work.
So so true I am sharing this humour with my youngest daughter who can now relate to me when I told how how bad her dads snoring was and how he never woke for a feed in the night but he was always tired the next day!!!!!!
This is true for me too!! OMG! Hilarious! The house could be crumbling around us and he is still asleep. I thought I was the only one hating that he can sleep! lol Love your stuff:)
The starfish nearly killed me hohoho soooooo funny and true, o the horror will we ever sleep again…?
HAHAHAHA!!! I know you wrote this awhile ago but I had to leave a comment anyways; you have my life!! My husband and I both just peed ourselves laughing while reading this post. Twice. We even sleep on the same sides of the bed as you guys. LMAO, thank you, that made my WEEK =)
I’ve been in a grumbly about my wonderful husband mood lately. Can’t figure it out. So I came on here to re-read your father’s day post. It so completely describes him. Mood improving. Next one below that one was this one. Gosh it cracks me up…and completely describes what’s up lately. I feel better. Sigh. Thanks for your starfish baby. And for all of these posts. They never fail to crack me up…and to describe my life.
This is by far my favorite. I love this post its just like my life and all the women here I guess LOL. I am glad I am not alone. And the hubby thing, I get “I couldn’t sleep all night” really and the cat was the one snoring the whole night.
LOVE YOU and LOVE your drawings and posts, they truly make my day and make me less insane then I think or seem.
I’m at work laughing so hard I’m going to cry.. So true. OH..made my day. Thank you for this post.
Sweet lord, this is the funniest thing I’ve read in a long time!
You speaketh the truth on the nocturnal habits of a young family.
I’m off to try and catch up on some sleep now (yeah, right).
This is EXACTLY what happens at my house, plus what Lindy said, my husband is all turned-on in the morning and wonders why I’m not in the mood!
I’ve desired to post about something similar to this on one of my blogs and this has given me an idea.
You speaketh the truth on the nocturnal habits of a young family.
Best.Post.Ever! I am glad it’s not just me. Misery loves company, I guess.
Phenomenal! you are hilarious. it’s pretty much my every night since 6 years…thanks for the laugh. cheers and here is to hoping we get sleep someday in the near future.
So so true.
Steph
Yeah…..WHEN!?!?!?!
You are my hero! I was crying reading this! DS is napping in the next room and i was trying so hard not to wake him up I was snorting!
Just share this with my husband, he laughed because it is so true!!
Love this one! That’s our house too minus the cats (thank god!). I love it when my husband says, “Oh, the baby was up? I didn’t even hear him!”
OMG thIS is the funniest post but it really isnt. DANG us women have it bad. LOL! At least we know every woman with children is facing this. We arent entirely alone…
yep, this is my life. lol Except mine are 2.5 and 3 months and hubby goes to bed at 7 while we’re still up and leaves for work at 3am.
I only have one, but I can SO relate to this post. Seriously, you captured it all!!!
Stop making me laugh! Seriously. I’m hurting here. Love it!
This is exactly why my husband quit getting laid the first year of both of our boys lives.
I’m guessing that most mommy-blog readers already know about you, but I linked to this post in my blog post today anyway. Along with a photograph of what a four and a half year old starfish looks like.
http://td365.wordpress.com/2012/03/12/a-starfish-in-our-family-bed/“
we do not co sleep for this reason. bed with children in it is torture and I hate it but cribs work better for us. Our first son WOULDN’T sleep with me, even at birth (I didn’t sleep for 5 days after his birth then moved crying newborn to his day nap bassinet and he slept 6 hour stretches at night from then on) he much preferred being in his own little bed.
As such I have had mercifully had few sleepless nights, just the usual sick child/ teething times and even then I can usually settle them back in the crib quickly. The only time I have no sleep is when we go places for a few days and so I now HATE holidays because I am so tired I’m unable to enjoy them because he only likes his little bed. We aren’t even going to try to sleep with our next one due in a week. It wasn’t worth it for us.
What did work was feeding every two hours during the day and offering a pacifier at night (I’d planned to not use one- ha!). No more constantly waking kid just an early start the next day about 6am.
absolutely fantastic!! Im so glad to know that our household is normal!
LOVE it – the nursing pic, in particular, made me giggle!
Oh my goodness, this is exactly how it is at our house, except without the nursing baby. I swear my husband falls asleep on top of the bed and there is no way to wake him. Then I’m stuck taking care of any little things that need to get done before bed. Then I finally fall asleep, and there’s some strange noise in the living room as one of the cats has knocked some fairly expensive item off a shelf. I finally go back to sleep only to be awoken around 3 or 4 AM when the cats decide they want to eat – but instead of meowing, they bite my toes, shins, calves, inner thighs, etc. until I get up. I can’t even imagine having a nursing child right now.
OMG I tought for a moment that you have being spying on me!!! hahahaha!!! Why is that husbands doesn’t wake up for anything? Last night the dog was following a frog on the yard and barking at it(from 1am-4:00am, and me thinking”please don’t wake up the baby!!!”)…plus nursing nursing nursing and trying to take baby-starfish back to her side of the bed…and then “good morniiiing”…My husband asked me “at what time did you woke up this morning?”…eehem…I think I never was really asleep!!!!…so zombie mode all day long!
This is pretty funny, good work!
“the only thing I don’t want him to say…” priceless! Love it.
this is awesome! My youngest is now 7 and I had ALMOST forgotten the horror of the “other years”… you said/drew it perfectly.. fricking awesome. Now I’m gonna go pour a vodka and try to forget about it all over again.
Who are you and how long have you been spying on me… Lol… I was cracking up reading this because it is spot on! Hubby can sleep like the dead, replace the 4.5 year old boy with a 4.5 year old girl, and exchange one cat for a dog, and you are me. I keep telling myself I still get more sleep than my non breast feeding non cosleeping mommy friends, but that doesn’t help me when I am TIRED!!
OMG! This is like reading about my own life! Cried with laughter at this, very well written.
You could always kill your cats and divorce your husband…
Maybe you’d be better off that way????
Failing that.. use a moses basket or a cot for the little one you dumbass!
There is no need for name calling. This child who is nursing is not a newborn. The baby can talk! Plenty of people co-sleep. It’s a personal choice and you shouldn’t judge.
Clearly you haven’t been in this situation to appreciate the article. I thought this was genius!
VERY well said Cara!
Really very useful tips are provided here.
Omg this is freakin hilarious. I am in pain from suppressing my laughter in order to not wake my 3 month old sleeping next to me.
Great post!!
OMG you should write a book!!!! Could not stop laughing!!
Lol, yeah this is my night too, minus the cats.
Hilarious and true. my son usually hits lighter sleep and starts banging his head against my metal head board. He seems to need to sleep as high up the bed as possible
Yours too! My son works his way up the bed until he hits the wall/window/blinds then flops over on my head >.<
So true!!
and wouldnt change it for the world! <3
P.S. I freakin love you. your always here when i need to laugh.
thx!
Baby turns into a starfish! LOL You are spot on. I love this. Thanks for writing.
So very familiar (except our 2 cats are dogs) Laughed til I cried, then had my husband read it… just in case he’d catch the hint!
OMG! You are totally into my life!!! All the stories you have written are what I am facing now! Continue writing!!!
Are you sure he doesn’t have sleep apnea? Falling asleep that quickly, sleeping that long, and still being tired in the morning are often signs of it. Especially if he also snores.
I like this blog because of good information in it and good work .
I have to repeat what others have been saying, but it is so true… Have you been spying in me!? I got such a good laugh out of this. Thank you for making me feel a litte more normal!
I *WISH* I could post pics here. I just took a pic of my son star fishing all over my bed a few weeks ago. :/
Yet again, laughing so hard that I had to calm myself, take my glasses off and put my head in my hands to shut myself up, for fear of waking the toddler. Thank you, I think.
Him waking up tired from a full night of sleep may be a sign of sleep apnea.. at least it gives the guy a legitimate excuss..
Wrong side of town for the Sidgwick site / West Cambridge site (faculties) – not actually that far but not as near as many other colleges.
OMG! You’ve described my nights to a T!!!!! This is exactly what I go through when my kid decides she doesn’t want to sleep thru the night in her crib!!!
One word…bassinet. Babies deserve a somewhat rested mama.
I TOTALLY feel for you. I have a three year old, one year old, and 37 weeks pregnant. And EVERYTIME he ever says he is tired, I just want to drop kick him. Hehehe. I love him, and he probably is tired to, but he sleeps like a brick, I wake up with three kids, if the fetus even LETS me sleep at all. Hehehe
My husband goes to bed at 9:30/10 everynight. I don’t get in until midnight (if lucky) or later (usually much later). My son is really difficult to get to sleep (if someone says sleep train I will stab them. Have you sleep trained a 22 month old while cranky daddy sleeps – I’d rather kill myself). So, if we are lucky he will sleep til 8, then want to “snuggle” in bed with me (snuggle = kick, strangle and attack me with his eyes closed). Husband leave for work at 6:30. So I get up at 8, get kiddo, lay there while he beats me, then get on with my day. I’m lucky to get 6 full hours (add if weird noises in the house, cats trying to break the door down, neighbor’s truck). UGH. And husband comes home from work and sits on the couch all evening because HE is tired!!! Right. I’d love for him to play me for 24 hours.
Funny. But, just my opinion – 4.5 year old should old enough to be taught to not wake up mom and dad the second they are up. My daughter (same age) knows to read quietly in her room, use the toulet, or get a light breakfast independently until I get up. Me and my wife need our sleep!
So, you think it’s OK to let a 4.5 year old wander the house unsupervised while you sleep peacefully? Don’t you think it’s possible she could get into something that could hurt her? You know, you’re not just doing something in another part of the house but still listening to what she’s doing…you’re SLEEPING. 4.5 is a far cry from 12.
Omg i love your stuff most all of these are making me laugh so hard i cry!
Absolutely phenomenal — you captured your life, my life, and the lives of sooo many people I know in a nutshell. Loved it!!!! Thank you
Thank you! Haven’t laughed like this all year!
I feel your pain…love it and i go through the same/ or very similar nights with my littlies….4.5 yr old, 2.5 yr old, 18 months and 36 weeks pregnant…we often end up with two in our bed and i do the bed rotation and head to my sons bed…i have to say….my husband wakes a lot more now than he used to with just one or two…i’m training him to be not such a heavy sleeper ha ha! God knows what its going to be like when number 4 arrives??
I thought that this was hilarious. I am now beyond this phase after having birthed, nursed, raised and colleged 5 kids. On child #4 I figured out a good solution. Rather than get out of bed to get the baby, I would send my husband to get her. He would be so out of it that he wouldn’t miss a bit of sleep while stumbling to the nursery to bring the baby to me. Then when I was through nursing, I sent him back with the baby. I got to fall asleep in a bed to myself while he settled the baby. In the morning he would ask why he had gotten up since I was already awake. I just thanked him for his help. It worked because I wasn’t as angry with him for his lack of participation and I got a precious few more minutes of sleep.
I know this if off topic but I’m looking into starting my own weblog and was curious what all is needed to get setup? I’m assuming having a blog like yours would cost
a pretty penny? I’m not very internet savvy so I’m not 100% sure. Any tips or advice would be greatly appreciated. Many thanks
Tears… tears rolling down my face! This is soooo true!
totally my lie EXCEPT that my husband wakes up cheerful too… which makes me the only grumpy one!
This is so hilarious! I can relate to most of what I read, especially the husband who has the ability to sleep soundly through the night!
omigosh
ness
hilarious
thank
you
This is so truthful!! I laughed so hard I started crying! Thanks for the humor.
I laughed so hard I cried. . . I am 34 weeks pregnant with my first. . . I will not have a 2nd one after seeing this. . . and I will poke my husband in the eye with the baby’s foot somehow to make him wake up!! LOL The two dogs that I have will be banned into the other room where they can sleep on the couch or whatever. . . I need my SLEEP!!! I’m getting scared!
I think you snuck into my room one night and recorded my night life for this story. This is literally me EVERY night. I’m so glad to know I’m not the only one never sleeping, glaring daggers at my snoring husband, and trying to keep my other kids from waking the baby.
I just reread this in the light of having a 2 month old. My husband is the same – just add in lots of very loud snoring. I actually spend 1/2 the night on the couch. Sigh. We’ll sleep one day, right?
I was am and am still the complete opposite (fortunately). It was and still is, my husband who is the light sleeper and gets to look after our daughter (and the cat) during the night. Bless him!
Hi there! I just wanted to ask if you ever have any problems with hackers?
My last blog (wordpress) was hacked and I ended up losing several weeks of hard work due to no backup.
Do you have any methods to prevent hackers?
although my children are now 2 and 4 this has been my husband since the 4 yr old wasnt a newborn anymore. Minus the nursing i didnt get to do that with my oldest he didnt take but my 2 yr old did until she was 11 months oh men they are luckier than they know.
This has to be my favorite commentary on parenting EVER. Completely describes my life. WELL DONE.
Amazing!!!!!!!! Especially the cats. Omg so freaking funny!! My husband sings praises for breast feeding mostly because he never had to get up at night, though he claims he was always awake when I was. HA!!!
I have tears rolling down my face from all the laughing!!! My hubby had to come downstairs to ask what was all the laughter about. This is way hilarious! And the way you describe it, just too funny. My favorite part was the starfish!! So true that kids do that! Hubby said I look like the baby in the mornings, with my legs and arms on top of him lol. Enjoying your drawings!
The baby turned into a starfish. That got me. And then those darn cats. They are the ones with the spidey -sense. Too funny.
Clever lucky husband!
The crappy pictures sell it. hahahaha! Other than the husband part I can relate.
We live parallel lives. This was written as though you were a fly on the wall in my house!
2 morals to this:
1- don’t have cats
2- don’t let your kids sleep in the bed with you
As the admin of this site is working, no question very shortly it will be well-known, due to
its feature contents.
1С:ИТС ИÐФОРМÐЦИОÐÐО – ТЕХÐОЛОГИЧЕСКОЕ СОПРОВОЖДЕÐИЕ Ð’ СОЧИits-sochi.com
Hey…. Where did you get that picture of me sleeping??
It’s 2:30am. I wish I were sleeping, but I know as soon as I lay down, the baby will wake up. And need to eat. And when he is done…His brother will wake up. And want to cuddle into my last bit of sleeping space. I keep telling myself that “one day” I will miss all this. I find it hard to believe at the moment. *maybe* I can nap tomorrow. Hahaha. Yeah right.
Well, it is a funny post, but it kept me thinking. My husband is also an extra heavy sleeper immune to everything except for our children’s crying / calling, so if one of them wakes up, he always hears it first — and he is the one who usually gets out of the bed. We also have five cats and all of them jump him in the morning — because it is him that feeds them in the morning.
And now: if the baby already talks and if the mum is really tired at night, perhaps it might be the time for a gradual change in the nursing habits?
I am trying to not laugh out loud bc I have a 1 year old beside me that I don’t want to wake. THIS IS HILARIOUS and sooooo TRUE!!! I have always been a light sleeper, but since children I guess I haven’t really slept in about 6 years! My husband is the same, he can sleep through anything!!!!!
that is terrible, I still nurse my toddler at night, butt she falls asleep on her own, that is the trick, I made that sure for a long time, and she at least starts her nights in her own bed, in our room, ends up in our bed around six, if I went to bed at 9, when I’m actually dead tired I would be fine, but I stay up late doing frivolous things like reading your blog
JUST LOVE IT ! Never laughed so much !!!
I want to laugh and cry about how true this is. Also I would have added how later, during the day, my husband “needs” a nap because he just didn’t get enough sleep. When he asked if I ever take a nap I told him the truth: “Sometimes I drive the kids around until they pass out and then I sleep in the Target parking lot.”
I once got $5 from someone who thought we lived in our car.*
*This is a lie but I really could have used that $5.
I’m sooo happy this happens to other people too! It made me feel normal again! Thanks! And thanks for putting all these jewels in a book! I’m totally getting it! I just need to get it to keep my sanity
I was reading some of your content on this internet site and I conceive this internet site is really instructive! Keep putting up.
HAHAHAHAHA – the starfish & the cats are my favorite part. A close second, my husband sleeping through ALL OF IT!
Wow, these are highly accurate pictures! Except I don’t spend the WHOLE night on my back. Sometimes I turn onto my stomach so that I snore a bit less.
I’ve read this before but someone posted it on FB so I had to read again. I’m co-sleeping for the first time w/baby #3 (15 mo now) and I have started sleeping with him in the other room. DH sleeps totally alone yet…you got it. “I’m so tired.”
I hate to break the bubble ladies BUT as they get older, it doesn’t get any better. Especially when they get their license! And please know that there is no such thing as a true empty nest, as we have just found out. Someone is always home for a break or a holiday break and then they are home for the summer. the cats still try and wake you, the husband STILL take all the covers and snores. And this is why we are the stronger sex!! lololol
Happy Sleeping from the sleep deprived mother of a 23 yr old & 19 yrs old, 2-10 yr old cats and a 1 yr old kitten (which i will add was my idea-what was i thinking!) and i still have a sleeping man next to me!!!
Well if you followed the most up to date SIDS recommendation and did NOT sleep with your baby in the bed, perhaps you would sleep better. At my hospital in the past 1.5 years alone we have lost SIX former patients from co-sleeping. I’ve heard the excuses…”it’s so much easier”, “I did it w my other kids and they’re fine”, “it’s the natural way.” How do you live w yourself knowing you killed your precious baby bc it was “convenient”?!?!
There are ways to safely keep your baby close to you when you sleep. Death by co-sleeping is completely preventable!!
How many have died from SIDS when not cosleeping?
Jesus lady get a life. Co-sleeping is perfectly safe when done properly.
Our daughter slept in a pack and play in our room for the first 3 months. I was always afraid to move b/c the cover-ruffling noise would wake her up. So, IF i did move, it was very quiet and stealth-like. Husband on the other hand, tosses and turns like it’s no big deal. And those middle of the night feedings, I would silently wish death upon my husband during those. I totally resented the fact that he completely slept through her crying and I not only had to wake up, but stay awake for at least an hour while she ate, burped and cried again if I tried to lay her back down before she was in a deep sleep.
OK, seriously now – Do none of you believe in shutting your bedroom door? Training your pets to stay in a crate or sleep in one room? Why do kids nowadays get up and bug their parents so much? Why do so many parents allow children to sleep in their rooms? I can see an occasional nightmare, but every night?!?!? Wow. Make a life style change – do it old school and get some sleep!!
This is my life on a nightly basis! Thank you for sharing! I don’t think I’ve laughed so hard in years!!
I’ve requested a copy of this book for Mother’s Day. I feel it would be an extremely appropriate gift for a Mom!! Cant wait to get my hands on it!
This is really funny, especially now that I have 2.5 yr olds, that, for the most part, sleep all the way through. They slept about as well as crappy baby/boy until they were 18 months. So the post is funny because it resonates with my own past. And probably with millions of other parents out there. Thank you for this story
Love it! Our almost 3 year old starts the night in her own bed, but at some time during the night crawls in with us. In a way I love cuddling up with her, but most nights the starfish in our bed keeps us awake and makes one of us leave for the sofabed..
My favorite blog post is “What it’s like to (not) sleep at night”. I read it, in bed, first thing in the morning with my 7 year old looking over my shoulder. We both thought ‘starfish baby’ was hysterical. Especially after I explained to my son that that is what HE did at night, and that is why Daddy moved into his bed after he came into our room in the middle of the night. We’ve been hooked on Crappy Pictures ever since
Looooove this! It already describes us and we only have 1! Baby 2 will arrive soon and I am worried!
I have been surfing online more than three hours as of late, but
I by no means discovered any interesting article like yours.
It’s lovely price sufficient for me. In my view, if all website owners and bloggers made good content material as you probably did, the net might be much more helpful than ever before.
Pretty! This has been an extremely wonderful post. Thanks
for providing this information.
Really true he he forward this to my husband ha ha ha
Hi, Neat post. There is a problem together with your site in internet explorer, would test this?
IE nonetheless is the market leader and a
good component to folks will leave out your magnificent writing because
of this problem.
So what can this all mean?
Visit my web page: emilyrosetv.ning.Com
Oh man. I lived this 6 years ago (biggest difference is that my husband couldn’t sleep through any of it, so he didn’t sleep in my room until I was done nursing). My girls are 12 and 7 now and they can get their own drinks, don’t need to announce that need to pee at 1 am and know they’re in big trouble if they wake us up for anything less than injury or nightmare. Love the drawings.
I am laughing so hard right now I can barely breathe. It’s like someone came and videotaped our house EVERY night and then blogged about it in crappy photos. Totally brilliant!
I’m pretty sure my Mother created this post based on the fact that she was nursing a baby old enough to speak audible words (me) and the fact that there was 4.5 year old (my sister), 2 cats, and a husband the kids call “Papa”. That’s MY life. I nursed until I was about 15 months old, lol. But I also have an iron immune system from it.
Ha ha ha! I so have this, except that I only have one and he fulfills both the roles of the kid who won’t go to sleep and the one kicking me in the head at night.
I loved as much as you will receive carried out
right here. The sketch is tasteful, your authored material stylish.
nonetheless, you command get got an nervousness over that you wish be delivering the
following. unwell unquestionably come more formerly again as
exactly the same nearly very often inside case you shield this
hike.
Someone is going to slap me for this, but maybe a couple of recommendations: 1) Put the cats up for adoption 2) don’t keep nursing a baby through the night who’s old enough to say morning and dada and 3) don’t know what you should do w the 4.5 year old but at least that is waking up 1 time during the night instead of five times. Ok…go ahead and throw those stones
I have been getting this supplement for your minor more than two weeks and that i have already lost 9 lbs. because I typically work out right after function it did help me sweat extra and stay energiezed.
hi good looking your site nice posting thanks for sharing information i like this blog.
Omg. Yes! Reverse the 4 1/2 year olds bedroom door handle, lock him in & put a baby video camera in his room & the monitor on quiet by your side of the bed…..
here too…except hubby decides setting an alarm to go off at 6:30 so his ass can ‘get motivated’ enough to roll out of bed by 7:15 to get the oldest to kindergarten by 8. So by 6:45 I’m punching him to shut off his alarm while the baby is stirring, I sneak out to pee, step on a floor board, wake both 3yr olds up who in turn squeel and wake up the baby fully, who nurses, and by the time hubby rolls out of bed everyone is awake, I got them all clothes, and they all want to go downstairs for breakfast. Mind you he’s soooooooooooo tired & ‘let me’ sleep in for half an hour two sat. ago… I love him though but I want to punch him every morning that I was up at 2 & 5 or either one even nursing the baby who ‘marathon nurses’ from 7pm-10pm every night.
Thank you for some other informative blog.
The place else may I am getting that kind
of info written in such an ideal method? I have a challenge that I’m simply now operating on, and I’ve
been on the glance out for such information.
I am curious to find out what blog platform you happen to be working with?
I’m having some small security issues with my latest blog and I’d like to find something more secure.
Do you have any suggestions?