what it is like to change diapers (illustrated with crappy pictures™!)

INTRO:  I've been wanting to share a few "real life parenting" moments but I don't have any photos.  Everybody hates text only posts.  So I drew some really crappy pictures to illustrate.  Here goes…

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I have a four year old and a one year old.  The one year old is still in diapers. Changing the diaper of a one year old is much more difficult with a four year old in the room.  

And this is why.   

Diaper1

No matter what, the moment I'm changing a diaper is the exact moment that my four year old suddenly, desperately needs to tell me something.  

He presents his news as being so unbeliveable that it MUST be told to me right at this exact minute and of course I have to be facing him, looking him in the eyes while he tells me this unbelievable thing.  

Whether or not poop is involved and the amount of the poop positively correlates with the urgency of his need for my attention.

If you suck at statistics this means MORE poop = MORE need mama.  

At least I think.  I suck at statistics.

Diaper2

Usually, I am very prepared for this situation.    

One time recently though, I made a mistake.  I was not prepared for poop.  It was one of those phantom poops when you have no idea it is in there and you aren't armed and ready with wipes and distractions.

I turned my head away from the baby for just one second as I'm opening the diaper, to tell my four year old that it will be just a minute, thinking it was just pee we were dealing with.   

The changing of a diaper transforms the baby into a spastic octopus.  Dipping both heels and hands in the poop and flinging it all around the room like a lawn sprinkler.  

Which is exactly what happened.  

Diaper3

Moments later, in an attempt to deal with the situation, I have poop on my hands and arms and a heaping mound of soiled paper towels at my feet.

I sweetly explain to four year old that it will be a bit longer, that there is an extreme poop situation I'm dealing with here.  I know I'm walking on eggshells.

Unfortunately, this extended time spent cleaning up has ignited an angry monster in my four year old.  He MUST tell me his unbelievable thing.  NOW! 

Diaper4

He is getting more and more impatient, louder and louder and more and more angry. 

MAMA! MAMA! MAMA! 

The noise of him screaming MAMA! is deafening.  

MAMA!  I HAVE TO TELL YOU SOMETHING!

Okay, what is it, honey?  Just tell me!

NO, YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT ME!!!

He is stomping his feet now and his face is turning red and tears are streaming down his cheeks.  It sounds like someone is physically torturing him.  MAMA! MAMA!  MAMA! MAMA!  MAMA! MAMA!     
   
Diaper5

MAMA! MAMA! 

My nerves are like daggers having had to block out being screamed at while trying to contain the poop explosion.

MAMA! MAMA!  MAMA!  MAMA!  MAMA!  MAMA! 

But finally, the poop is mostly wiped up and the baby is secured in a clean diaper.  I no longer need to focus 100% of my attention on the poop containment.   

Diaper6

Now I can finally give my four year old the attention he so desperately requires. I am free to listen to his emergency.  

But my teeth are still clenched and that tense feeling of stress has not left.  I'm annoyed.  Very.   

Diaper7

Facing him, I see the anger drain from his face.  He wipes his tears.  Deep breath for both of us.  

Diaper8

I'm thinking this better be good.  After all that, this better be serious. 

Diaper10

He pauses and his eyes widen.  Like he is about to tell me something so unbelievable that I won't be able to handle it.  This is it.  This is his moment!    

Diaper12

And he was right.  It was fucking unbelievable.  

And this is what it is like to change diapers with a four year old in the room.  

 

This entry was posted in crappy pictures, diapers, parenting. Bookmark the permalink.

140 Responses to what it is like to change diapers (illustrated with crappy pictures™!)

  1. Anna Bartlett says:

    I love it! Am laughing my head off! So glad there were no photos, but as a mum in a similar situation I thank you!

  2. Ally says:

    That is hilarious!!! I have a hard enough time with one little one doing diapers, but then to have an urgent booger crisis at the same time….oh my.
    :)

  3. KC says:

    Oh my god, I love it. The crappy drawings make the story even better. You should totally keep going with the stories supplemented by drawings, it’s really fun.

  4. allison says:

    I was uncertain what ‘crappy pictures’ meant. Much impressed (and relieved).

  5. shawn says:

    I laughed so hard at this one….hilarious! This should go in parent magazine or something!

  6. annie says:

    It’s always one orifice or another and simultaneous excretion just adds to the party! Your drawings are sublime!

  7. Joanna says:

    Nailed it. This is eee-zackly what it is like!

  8. angie says:

    hysterical!

  9. Kristen (Creative Stash) says:

    hahaha, this is great! and oh so true, I remember those days …

  10. Rebecca says:

    love, love, love this! the pictures are PERFECT!

  11. woolies says:

    Excellent crappy pics. Such a great story. :)
    PS Just wait until they are both teenagers.

  12. Mandy says:

    Amber YOU MAKE ME LAUGH

  13. Karen says:

    This is awesome! I loved this. Made me laugh. Thanks.

  14. AmberS says:

    I believe that this is the best post EVER, in the history of blog posts.

    And the pictures really made it. I’m so glad you included them.

  15. Cheryl says:

    OMG! I live that moment at least 3 times a week! ROFL

    My five year old pulls the same stuff when I’m changing my 3 month old…but he will also cry and pitch an absolute fit if I don’t let him pick which diaper to put on his younger brother!

    Your blog just got added to my “everyone is sleeping, I can have Mommy Time” morning reading list!

    PS – the drawings actually made this WAY funnier, and were absolutely perfect.

  16. danielle says:

    This made my freakin day!! Awesome. Love it. So true.

  17. leililaloo says:

    YOU Are SOOOO Hilarious :)))) And so right on!!

  18. Heather says:

    I giggled. I am so not a giggler! Thanks!

  19. Kerry says:

    Absolutely wonderful, I love this post, thank you!

  20. Kristie says:

    Wow! I just found your blog and we are like soul sisters. I have two boys also. One is 20 months and one is 3 yrs. This same poop story has happened to me as well. I’m loving your stories and your wooden people!

  21. molly says:

    Hahaha. Just found your blog via your Etsy shop. I can’t believe how hilarious and true this is. My favorite is the octopus baby picture, I keep scrolling back up and laughing at it. (Sorry.)

  22. Bo says:

    this is too funny. please keep it coming! my crisis is usually when the older one has to go pee as soon as I open up the baby’s diaper to change her. and she insists on me helping her and can’t wait even one second.

  23. Lace says:

    Just found your blog on FB through LLL New Zealand…fantastic I love it, very much looking forward to more.

  24. Nwetsch says:

    Sooo funny and yet so true! My boys are now 4 and 8 and they never have anything to say to me, until I get on the phone. Then it’s like their life will be over if they can’t tell me something right this second!

  25. CarylRz says:

    THAT was some funny sh!t man. Or not. LOL

  26. Kathlynn says:

    stumbled on your blog and this almost made me pee my pants! As the mom to a 2.5 year old and one on the way I can totally see this happening!!

  27. Oh, Sugar! says:

    really funny! my fave is the feces-flinging baby octopus. great job!

  28. joeysmom says:

    This is hilarious. I don’t know how you manage not to scream, though. I think repressing the urge to scream has made my eyes permanently bulge out a tiny bit. Ah motherhood, how it changes you.

  29. vanessa says:

    ROFL! Thanks! As a mother of 5 I can TOTALLY relate! Thanks SO much for sharing! I really needed a good laugh!

  30. TheFeministBreeder says:

    I need you to have an entire blog illustrated with these “crappy” pictures. I want more. I’d read it day and night. Pinky swear.

  31. Amanda says:

    OMG! Sooo hilarious! I have a 2 1/2 yr old and a 5 month old.

    I busted out laughing about the booger. My toddler is obsessed .

  32. Reynolda says:

    I’m laughing so hard I’m actually weeping. I just insisted on reading it to my husband, who seems vaguely amused but just doesn’t seem to get it. I have a one year old and an almost-four year old. Tears are streaming down my cheeks. Solid gold here.

  33. Sarah says:

    OMG I just laughed so hard I was crying!

  34. Debra says:

    oh yes, you should submit this to a parenting magazine! I was laughing so hard (with my 8 month old on my lap) when in walks my 3.5 year old. “why are you laughing so much, mama?” I point to the screen and say “see this? this is what you do…. keep laughing.” thanks for the laugh!

  35. Elaine says:

    I think I may love you. i haven’t laughed so hard in so long! Great!

  36. CanCan says:

    I teach 3K and 4K. It is exactly like this all day, except times 35 kids. #greyhairs

  37. Heather D says:

    Hi. La. Ri. Ous.

    Makes me all the more glad we did EC (Elimination Communication/diaper-free) with our daughter, we never had poop explosions, ever! She’s now the 4.5yo who always has something INCREDIBLY important to tell us. :)

  38. Brittany Calvi says:

    Oh my goodness I haven’t laughed that hard in awhile, and that situation is so true! It is always as soon as a diaper is coming off that my 4 year old daughter has THE MOST IMPORTANT THING TO TELL ME! There have been a few boogers too. Thanks for sharing, love the drawings!

  39. Erika says:

    I too, think I might love you just a little :thanks for the giggles:

  40. sismoe53@hotmail.com says:

    love it, it’s so true
    ps.
    doesn’t need the word “fu——.

  41. Kellythestrange13 says:

    i think it fits appropriately with the story, after all the over exagerated hype re: the booger, to have to find out the whole episode was over just a booger, i’d be saying the same thing :)

  42. Mikeandstaceydoyon says:

    Love it!! I have an 8 mo and twin 3 1/2 yos, I FEEL you pain. F word and all :)

  43. Really says:

    perhaps you should have just asked your four year old what he wanted the first time he asked. Then he’d go on his way.

    I have a four year old and a 1.5 year old and never have this problem.

  44. MummyinProvence says:

    HILARIOUS! I LOVE your blog! LOVE love love it!

  45. Kara says:

    OMG that was so funny! I was in a bad mood until I read that, now I’m laughing. That is exactly what its like to be a parent!

  46. Jackie says:

    So freaking funny!

  47. Marilee says:

    Make more of these please! I love it!

  48. Veronica says:

    I love it because it is so true!!

  49. Bonnie Carroll says:

    I am laughing so hard I’m tearing. Spastic Octopus, yes that’s the exact right term and here I thought I was the only person who had one of those!

  50. Belinda Brown says:

    Omg I laughed so hard…the visual the visual of the spastic octopus is WAY to real!

  51. D says:

    OMG, I had a really bad one year old poop in the bathtub/more in the diaper/more on the floor before new diaper went on/ran out of wipes/while trying to put five year old to bed experience tonight and this post was *exactly* what I needed!! Your drawings are absolutely wonderful :-)

  52. Elizabeth Rishavy says:

    my almost 4yo just asked
    mama why are you crying …
    I’m not crying I’m laughing …
    oh….
    waaaa …
    the 8mo woke up

    thank goodness the 8yo and 10yo are at the store with dad…

  53. Courtney says:

    Thanks for making me giggle… I can relate to the poopy octopus baby.

  54. moya says:

    Hi again! This is totally normal: your 4 year old is crying out for attention. its no coincidence he chooses exactly the time you are handling his bb brother with almost undevided attention to desperately seek your attention.
    1 – Try to have more moments just for him: have some else look after the younger for one hour or so and give the elder your UNDIVIDED attention (no phones, tv, dinner, tidying, etc). Just talk, play or do something with him, just you 2. It can be only 15 minutes a day, but you will see the difference aftter a while.
    2 – as hard and silly as it seems, Try to get him involved in tending to the baby: change the diapers in a place at his eye-level and explain what you are doing. Then ask if he wants to try it: yes, it will be desastrously put, but you can fix it after and your son will have the sense of accomplishment and insertion.
    Children are keen of attention and they can haddle a lot more things that we think they can.
    all the best :)

  55. Katrina says:

    This is one of the funniest things I have read…. You made my day. You should write a book.

  56. Lisa says:

    Too funny because it is oh so true to real life! One of those things that is only funny after the fact. Thanks for sharing – love the pictures too, especially ‘octopus baby’! :)

  57. rebekahgittings@gmail.com says:

    LMAO!!! oh my gosh, I am so sorry that I laugh so much at this… no wait… I’m not. You aer awesome with your drawings. I LOVE THEM. thank you so much for the much MUCH needed laughter this momma needs!! :)

  58. K Wojnowski says:

    These are fabulous

  59. RookieMommy says:

    Fantastic! Please, please, please can we feature this on our guest blog spot one week on The Survival Guide for Rookie Moms? Please email me at the given address to chat.

  60. Jill says:

    me too!!

  61. Kari says:

    I love both of these installments….and mostly because of the “crappy pictures”. keep em coming….and no real pics, it’s not as fun!

  62. Christina says:

    That is my 3 year old. Exactly! …except minus the second child and poop flying everywhere. But always with the screaming “MAMAMAMAMA” at the worst moments, just to show me a flippin’ booger…or an ant. :)

  63. Helene says:

    I found you through a facebook page, and I have to say these cartoons made me laugh so hard I cried…so funny and so relatable, as I have 2 small kids too. You’re a funny lady!

  64. Misslipka says:

    omg i love you

  65. momci says:

    Spot on! Thank you for making my day!

  66. Kisha says:

    I was trying to read this to DH, but I was laughing so hard that tears are streaming down, and I was totally unintelligible!

  67. tash says:

    love it, love u’r drawings!!

  68. Nev says:

    omg this is hilarious! *wipes.off.tears*

    Nev

  69. Amber D. says:

    I love the stalling , “mama, mama, um, mama, I um, mama, I …” well, what is it? ” (child looks around the room for anything to think about since they really aren’t thinking of anything and sees a cup) Mama, I’m thirsty.

  70. little betty says:

    Too right!

  71. Old School/New School Mom says:

    Now that was important news! I loved this! And it’s a preview foe me. My 3 year old is already pulling this nonsense with me and my baby is 5 months!

  72. Angie Skelton says:

    I love this! Soooo funny! I haven’t laughed out loud like that by myself in a long time!

  73. Oh man. I have tears streaming down my face. LMBO! I so know the feeling! My girls are 5, 18 months, and 3 weeks. The REAL fun is when I’m changing a breastfed baby’s squirty diaper while my 18 month old is pitching a fit, hitting me AND my 5 year old is drama-queening! Keep up your hilarious posts and drawings!!

  74. kikki says:

    I have not cried with laughter in a long time. thank you so much

  75. Cheryl P says:

    This was just what I needed!! lol

  76. Angela says:

    Hooray! New illustrations and stories! I don’t even have kids, but somehow I must relate to the general frustration, or perhaps I just like your style. :) Your crappily drawn stories are the best! You are a natural and I very much look forward to reading more. Thanks for the laughs!

  77. Pamela Susan says:

    hilarious! i should be filling orders right now but this is just way too entertaining.

  78. Adrienne says:

    Seriously, you are amazing. these pics may be “crappy’ but they have me and my hubby rolling.

  79. Penny says:

    Too funny & nicely done! =)
    ~Penny
    http://thepennywisechick.com

  80. jenn f says:

    you made my day!

  81. Erica says:

    This is hilarious! I only have one baby right now who’s 5 months, but I think someday this may happen to me.

  82. This totally made my day.

    Our Growing Garden

  83. Amy T. says:

    Oh, my gosh, I’m dying! I have a 4 year old and a 1 year old and this is spot on!

  84. BAHAHAHAHA, OMG!! I have SO been there!! i am laughing so hard I am crying and I think I may have peed my pants (just a tiny bit though lol).
    I can SO relate to this, as I think every mom can, but more so because I have 3 in diapers (well 2 are now day trained but that just happened this week). It never fails, everyone always needs something when I am changing a diaper and the dirtier the diaper the more they need it. My kids are notorious for this.
    My kids are also notorious for needing a drink/snack as soon as the baby latches on to nurse, never fails!

  85. sharon says:

    OMG ITS SOOOO TUREEEEEE mine are 20 mo. apart 3.5 and the other is almost 2! i cant tell you how often stuff like this happens!!!

  86. This is very very funny! My 2nd one is coming in less than 2 mths time, I hope our 2 year old doesn’t do this then! :P

  87. No person deserves your tears, and who deserves them won’t make you cry.

  88. kat says:

    I welcome myself to your world. I was going to welcome you to mine but you got their first and you did it with fantastic crappy pictures. Love this.

  89. Keri says:

    It’s like reading about my life, with crappy pictures! lol I have an 8 month old, a 4 year, 3 cats, and 2 dogs… things are interesting. :) I was laughing hysterically the entire time!!

  90. Amy says:

    Crying with laughter here at the ‘spastic octopus’ oh gosh, been there done that. I have a 2 year old and a 5 year old.

  91. callahan says:

    I think your blog is very funny and very real to life, as if I wrote it. But when you swear and use profanity it totally turns me off. If you leave those kind of words out you could have a larger audience able to read this. I won’t show any of my children because we don’t use those words. Why are they needed?? It takes away from the funny.

  92. Angelica says:

    Well, now I know not to read your blog at work. It’s hard not to crack up laughing! I have tears, omgosh, my face is so red.

  93. Bec says:

    Oh my life, that is so funny.
    I have a nearly 3 year old and a 15 month old and both still in nappies. Changing a nappy when a 15 month old is in the room is also no easy task.

  94. Amanda says:

    The cursing makes it funnier and more relatable. Don’t let the party poopers get ya down :D

  95. wow i haven’t laughed this long in a long time. you are so funny you should get an award. im crying laughing, of course i’m holding it in too so as to not wake sleeping toddler, and that just makes it even worse like giggling in elementary school so the teacher doesnt notice. great stuff.

  96. Amy says:

    LMFAO!! oh I almost spat my cuppa over my laptop when I got to the octopus bit, so funny cos it’s so true!! you have a wonderful way with words, don’t ever stop!!

  97. tricia says:

    This is hilarious!!!!!!!!!!!!

  98. TarukandZizosMama says:

    This makes me glad my kids are ten years apart. Thanks for the laugh!

  99. Nikki says:

    “The changing of a diaper transforms the baby into a spastic octopus. Dipping both heels and hands in the poop and flinging it all around the room like a lawn sprinkler.”

    Possibly the best, most accurate and most hilarious summation of nappy changing I have ever heard!

  100. Kristie says:

    That was so funny!!!! I have a one year old and a four year old too! This is the second post of yours I have read and I can’t wait to read more! Thanks for sharing!

  101. Sophie Ibekwem says:

    Oh my goodness, these have to be the funniest blogs I’ve EVER READ. me and my husband think you’re fab. SO FUNNY, please write a book!

  102. Bonnie says:

    That was by far one of the BEST stories ever. It’s great to read your stories and laugh as I can relate :o)

  103. Jasya says:

    I have laughed SO HARD…my belly is aching.
    Thank you crappy pictures mom, you are the funniest ever!

  104. PartlySunny says:

    Love the drawing of octopus baby.

  105. chanel says:

    I have found your blog long ago and continue reading it up-to-date!

  106. Oh my goodness, these have to be the funniest blogs I’ve EVER READ.

  107. Wendy says:

    This is sooo funny!! You have to curse, in real life you would. Poop flying around the room makes you curse, it’s a fact of life!

  108. Meg says:

    Thank you sooooooooo much for your blogs!!! I am laughing hysterically and I LOVE IT!

  109. Brilliant Amber! Hooray for your wit and for your whole site. Thanks for creating, and being different, and being real. Steph :)

  110. Jenn says:

    My 5 year old is starting to read. She lay across me yelling out the words from this post while my 2 year old bounced on my chest and grabbed my face and yelled MAMA MAMA MAMA over and over.

    The irony did not escape me.

  111. nikki says:

    Funny, I have a 10 month old and 21 months old. When changing my 10 month old my older daughter always needs juice. She stands next to me begging “juice mama juice pease” and when changing the 21 month old, my younger daughter actually tries to crawl all over her. Never a dull moment :)

  112. Pam says:

    I’ve been following your blog for months now but just read this post for the first time. Thank you for making me laugh until I cried, AGAIN. You rock, Amber! Happy blogiversary!!!

  113. Angie says:

    You are my hero! Thank you so much for this blog.

  114. Melissa Norris says:

    Can I just tell you that your hellacious stories bring much comfort to me….as I cannot even begin to tell you how many times I have endured many of the same experiences you have shared on your blog. I laugh and many times laugh so hard that it brings me to tears. Thank you so much and screw anyone who feels the need to negate anything you write..because in all honesty, when you drop the F’Bomb, it just bring so much more appreciation for your brutal honesty. I wish I had the privilege of knowing you in person, as I think you’d be an absolute kick in the ass to hang out with and swap stories.

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  118. lucky says:

    Amber, your posts are hilarous!! :) I mean, these are situations that happen now and then and I can SO totally identify with you ..but you make me laugh with the way your story goes.. It’s great to read your blog after a long day with my little one who’ now 14 months old and who is getting naughtier ;-)

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  120. Rosa says:

    Yep. That is how it’s like to change a little one with a some what older sibling in the room. Around my home is a little bit diferent. I have 4 kids. The anoying kid its allways the same. And that very important thing is always this, “I love you mom”. It annoys me. I mean, it really does! I mean, of course I love him. I love them all. But it is still annoying to here a wining kid call on you with a horrifying tone on there voice, like someone IS torturing him, to then here onece more a forced “I love you”. It’s like, pay attention TO ME AND ONLY TO ME, stop paying attention to the other kids, I’m the only one in the worl who you should be paying attention to, tone. I just hate it. I love my kid. I just wish hi stops using the L word just to justify his urgency for my attention. (I know it’s a jealousy moment, but it still annoys me)(even more)

    Sorry for the melt down.

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    mężczyzn. Wybranym miejscu nie zdradza końca.
    ile kosztowała bluzka, paliwo do głowy wielkim
    stresie. Sprawdź więcej: http://www.nasze-prywatne-oferty.pl

  137. Juliana says:

    I was recommended this website by my cousin. I am not sure whether this post is written by him
    as nobody else know such detailed about my problem.
    You’re wonderful! Thanks!

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