As I’ve mentioned, my in-laws are local so they watch our kids sometimes. It rocks.
The kids love going to their house, especially when they get to spend the night.
When they return home I always ask what they did. My in-laws say something like “We took them to the park and then Hunan Taste and then they went to bed.”
But when I ask Crappy Boy what they did, he says they let him drink coffee, stay up all night and eat ice cream for breakfast. And when I ask Crappy Baby, he says he fought off a dragon with his pirate sword. And also drank coffee.
Last week they came to pick the kids up. As they were walking out the door, I overheard:
followed by:
Whatever. At least it isn’t coffee.
What happens at the grandparents’ house stays at the grandparents’ house.
I have the same situation! My folks live close by, and my parents are always sneaking the kids juice, candy, ice cream etc!
It is their job. Part of the grandparent job description. I have a feeling I’ll be really good at it.
In moderation at least. My inlaws are about 4 hours away but occassionally take my 4 year old for a couple days. Last time she went for almost a week and when she came back she had gained 3 lbs, almost a 10% weight gain in a WEEK. I loved the break but just because you can feed them junk doesn’t mean ONLY feed them junk.
you weigh your 4yo?
She could have recently gone to the doctor…that’s the only time I know how much my 4 yo weighs…
I know pretty close to how much my three year old weighs and a three pound gain would mean none of her clothes fit.
If she’s anything like my kids, they hop onto the scale themselves all the time. They are interested in the number that shows and ask me to tell them. So, I know what they weigh because of that. They keep reaching for higher numbers! Lol
I don’t usually weigh her, she had recently gone to the doctor. And when she came back she was noticeably ‘thicker’. None of her pants would button and her face was very round and filled out. Not to mention in almost every picture she came home with she had ice cream and candy and SODA. Every once in a while is ok, but when on an extended visit… Not a good thing. Thankfully she’s lost it all back and another two pounds on top of it, putting her at a much healthier weight (I love summer!)
I hear you…my husband and I went away for four days and the kid stayed with my mom. When we came back, my 3 year old daughter’s pants were too tight and my 5 year old son had a ZIT! They ate fast food at least one meal a day, sometimes two. They had candy for all snacks. They had cinnamon rolls or donuts for breakfast every day. They went through three 2 liter bottles of sprite and a whole bottle of chocolate syrup for chocolate milk. The thing that blew me away the most was that my Mom was almost proud of how terribly they ate…like there was some world record of spoiling she was trying to break. The first thing my son did when we picked him up was check my purse for an apple (I always have an apple in my purse). My daughter dove for my water bottle and drained it in about a minute. That wasn’t “fun at Grandma’s house” it was disgusting excess.
I can’t wait to be on the grandparent side of the fence – play with the grand-kiddies for a bunch of hours, completley induldging their every whim – and then send them home ehausted, over stimulated, and about to have a sugar crash!
I must say as a parent, those 4-6 hours of having them a t the grandparents are worth it!
I can’t wait to be a grandparent – they get to do all the fun stuff – and then send the little monsters home.
It probably wouldn’t fly while I’m a parent, but I look forward to being a grandparent and choosing some awesomely terrible sweet to call “crack.” Maybe little debbie zebra cakes. I love those things.
When the grandkids go home to their parents, they can announce that they love going to grandpa’s house because he always gives them crack.
I had to laugh…because chocolate milk at our house…is called “Crack”! LMAO!
Yep, fuck it. It’s worth it for a night to yourselves, even if they do get hepped up on caffeine!
Please try not to use that word. A fun blog doesn’t need profanity added to it’s comments.
Please try not to police people on my blog. I have nothing against swearing.
Hahaha! I love you Amber!
Bahaha, Amber, you ROCK!
Bwahahaha!! Nice!
Amber, I didn’t think I could love you more than I already did… You are awesome
Awesome!!!
Not only do we know you read our comments, and enjoy actually talking with your fans… but you maintain your “no drama but be yourself” attitude. Love it. Love your blog! Cannot WAIT for the book!
I love you! lol
ditto!I am a swearing grandma.I am also the best grandma in the world and cake for breakfast is the norm.So is self applied make-up.Even better now there is 24 hour eyeliner and lipstick!
Word!
That was fucking awesome!
Where is a “like” button when you need it?!?!
I try not to swear, but I find marriage and parenthood to be like a little petri dish for profanity. I discourage my children from swearing, as I discourage them from lying, but when Mbot (3) observed, in front of Husbot, “That’s fawkin,” and Husbot said, “See? That’s what he’s learning in preschool,” I simply nodded with my best face of disappointment and said, “Can you even believe it?” So I not only said “fuck” in front of my children, I then lied about it. I think that may have been the day I took out a white-winged dove with the grill of my car. But that was NOT my fault.
Totally, totally agree. Nothing makes me want to swear more than my boys that I love so much. And that includes my husband. Because I love them and they drive me insanity too.
In fact THAT is my favorite of all swear words!!! Oh and by the way I’m a grandma. Being a parent was fun being a grandparent is tits! :p
Please try not to use superfluous apostrophes or similarly extraneous, grammatically incorrect punctuation in these comments. Be especially careful about doing so when commenting on the appropriateness of other users’ comments, unless of course you’re providing an object lesson in irony.
A blog about raising children doesn’t need sloppy syntax leading parents astray in their efforts to foment literacy in their offspring.
Bravo!
Fuckin’ A.
*GASP!*
Christopher, I love your comment. Particularly since that’s what the snark in me was thinking as I read the above comment.
Christopher, I was thinking the same thing, and probably Terri has no idea to what you are referring. This blog gets more interesting and is not only read by moms of young kids!
*its
He grammar checked her ass!
sorry…….butt.
i agree, let’s not use the F-bomb – it;’s overused enuf…
hahaha!!!
People can be so fucking uptight!!
Meanwhile – my parents feed my one year old jelly beans. The game was up when I was over there one day and he came strolling out with a huge grin on his face and the jar in his hand. I also suspect they let him have hot chocolates when I’m not looking
Whoa, I misread that as, “My parents feed me one year old jelly beans.”
Do jelly beans age well? I’m thinking not.
LMAO, cracked me up
So did I! I read your comment, and had to go back to read the origanal comment, and I still read it as , “my parents feed me…”
Grandparents are wonderful aren’t they… they take the kids to let us have our own time and then they bring them back all happy and pleasantly spoiled.
The worst is when they feed the kids a ton of blueberries and peaches. It’s worse than candy because you get the change the gross diapers the following day at home. The grandparents deal with the effects of the candy themselves.
Omg same here!! My inlays grow peaches and blueberries as well as strawberries and they just like to stuff my kids with them! It’s awful the next day!
Yup. And as a bonus, blueberries super-stain cloth diapers!
Yes, this! Or they give him the 50 pints of blueberries and DO have to deal with the diapers and seems suprised by how much poop they had to deal with. Really?!
I love it! Need to share this perspective with all my candy-hater mommy friends!
My folks ALWAYS feed them pints of blueberries!!!
Forget Blueberries! Mine give my 2 year old Gluten-sensitive daughter COOKIES AND ICE CREAM SANDWICHES then I have to deal with a crabby, bloated, explode-a-poo toddler for the next 3 days [and sometimes a rashy face]!
yikes. That’s not just annoying, that’s unhealthy. Yell at them!!
Okay, well there’s giving kids food that isn’t the healthiest, and then there’s giving kids food that they medically shouldn’t be eating. So, that was uncool (but in normal circumstances, I think if you want free babysitting, you agree to bend your normal rules!)
get even
feed them a couple of blue whale candies Before they go to Grandma’s house.
My son’s grandparents learned the hard way that just because he keeps asking for blueberries and blackberries doesn’t mean you keep feeding them to him. They were able to find a nice end table to cover up the blueish stain on the carpet, though, so it’s all good.
It’s cheap chocolate pudding at my in-laws. I swear the stuff looks almost identical at the other end. Christ knows what they make it with as my 2yo’s body seems completely unable to break it down.
Last time my kids spent the night at my in-laws, we called them in the morning to see how they were doing. They gleefully informed us they were having chocolate donuts and bacon for breakfast. Breakfast of champions.
That does sound good.
Now I’m hungry for chocolate donuts and bacon… dang it!
Me too, dang pregnancy hormones!
My pregnant brain read “chocolate bacon donuts”…omg…where can I get chocolate bacon donuts??!! : D
I’m not sure but our local bakery has chocolate bacon cupcakes!
haha love the preggo cravings!!! I still crave things.
also love the blog!!
it’s so relateable!
This made me laugh!
Voodoo Donuts here in Portland has maple bacon bars. Maple bars w/ bacon on top.
Oops, I posted the same before i read yours
Draeger’s has chocolate bacon salted caramels.
Trader Joes has salted caramal sauce that can be poured over bacon…
Voodoo doughnuts in Portland, OR has bacon maple bars.
Vosges has chocolate chip bacon pancake mix!
VooDoo donuts in Portland, Or have a maple bacon bar. That’s a maple bar with a slab of bacon on top shoved into the frosting, perfection!
When I grow up that’s exactly what I’m going to eat for breakfast.
Yep, that sounds about right!
Kate
http://www.justdelivered.net
My 2 year old went to her grandparents’ (my in-laws) house for a little while yesterday. I asked her what she did, did she watch a movie or play a game or read a book? She answered that she had ice cream and marshmallows at the same time!!! Like having them at the same time was the biggest revelation one could have in a lifetime. It was adorable, but then she ate no dinner, so yeah. I have to just let it go ’cause in all other respects they’re awesome (they almost have as many toys, books, etc. for her as we do).
Marshmallows and ice cream IS a revelation. Especially if it comes in the format of rocky road. I haven’t had that in way too long.
icecream and wizz fizz sherbet and cadbury hot chocolate powder and marshmallows
now THAT is amazing. try it 
Yummmm! This is something that sounds divine
I ate Bryer’s Rocky Road during my pregnancy, it was the only ice cream I wanted and I craved it like nothing else! I would go through a tub a week! And I don’t really even like ice cream that much and am lactose intolerant. Bryer’s Rocky road and Haagen Daz chocolate with peanut butter and Bryer’s natural vanilla bean are the best.
My parents regularly watch my little guy (pick him up from preschool 3 days a week and watch him 1 day a week). He’s super spoiled, but it’s nice to know that he has someone who loves him unconditionally spending time with him when I can’t. No complaints when they give him coffee, at least it’s decaf
Yes coffee! My grandmother gave all us grandkids coffee. It was have decaf half regular. She would fix it how ever we wanted. I had half coffee half milk and a ton of sugar! None of our parents complained. Ever. I’m the only grandchild that won’t drink coffee black.. love and miss her!
My dad gave my baby coffee…. when she was 3 months old!! I thought that was taking it too far… at least let them eat solids first! Ha!
It’s always more fun at grandparents house!
I think this is pretty universal. My Mom even has a little sign on her wall that says, “what happens at grandmas stays at grandmas.” I let my kids have as much fun as possible when they are with them.
Oh yes… keep them reasonably safe and I don’t care what they do at the grandparents’… they’re out of my hair for a little while
My MIL recently watched my 3 boys (4.5, 2.5 and 15 months) and let them watch terminator 2…it was on our “recently watched” list on netflix, I asked DS1 “did you watch that?” “yes, we watched it with gramma” …awesome, sure enough there were nightmares. *sigh*
When I was a new mom I’d send my babies to my in-laws house with a 2 page long list of instructions for how to care for them. My sweet mother in law was so good about it. She sweetly thanked me for my ‘help’.
Nowadays I send them over to do whatever Nana feels like doing with them! They are always safe and always have a blast. And it’s her house, I don’t mind a bit if they get ice cream and candy and a million treats, that’s what grandparents are for. To be nicer than mommy and daddy.
That sounds just like me. Isn’t it fun to look back at yourself as a new mom and then have a good laugh!
Yes. Totally agree. I was a nightmare as a new mom.
Me too, with the list thing as a new 1st time mom! My MIL was also awesome and never said anything
Now my husband or I say on our way out “you (might) find something they’ll eat in the fridge…” Love grandparents, and have my own fond memories of “anything goes” at grandmas house!
things I probably had on my list for my baby-sitting parents:
1. When you change her poopy diaper, don’t forget to wipe. If you leave poop all over her bum when you put a new diaper on, she gets uncomfortable and rashy (learned this the hard way)
2. Don’t give her hard candies to eat. Even though she doesn’t have any teeth yet to be ruined, I think there are supposed to be other reasons she shouldn’t have jawbreakers.
3. If she starts crying, try doing something different than what you are already doing. Sometimes she likes variety.
4. She seems innocent, but she’s not. If you let her fingers get near your eyes, she will try to stab them with her sharp little fingernails and then pop them in her mouth (she puts everything in her mouth).
4. Don’t drop her. That really upsets her.
Lol
Crack me up!
I sent a 2 page list to my in-laws’ too, but because they asked for it. In fact, they asked so many questions that I was terrified. I mean, you already raised 2 yourselves, how much instruction do you need? Or were there really 6 or 8 and only 2 survived?
Then my mother-in-law would return my daughter and proceed to tell me all the ways my schedule was wrong. My “favorite” was when she asked me if my daughter could have eggs. I told her she could, but that lately she isn’t liking them and won’t eat them. The mother-in-law proceeded to inform me that my daughter ate eggs every morning for breakfast. Grrrrrr!!! LIke babysitting was her opportunity to show me what a crappy mom I am.
Wait! I’m not a grandma yet, but is juice bad? Going to need a grandma manual.
The grandma manual is whatever the stressed out, over-protective new mom says. (But she’ll eventually relax and then you can fulfill your grandmotherly duties properly. With ice cream and juice and such.)
To answer your question, Nancy, juice is the caloric and blood sugar equivalent of soda [and in some cases it has more calories and sugar]. Sure, there are some vitamin benefits, but from what I understand, Mother Nature [or God or whoever] made fruit so sweet so we would get enough fiber and juice eliminates that aspect of it, rendering it about as valuable as table sugar in the larger scheme of things. It is a major cause of childhood and life long obesity, because when you give your kids juice all day they start associating it with needing something sweet to drink with meals all the time, and that can evolve into even less healthy alternatives as they mature.
Absolutely agree!! It’s crack for toddlers.
Try diluting it with half filtered water. It satisfies the sweet tooth but cuts out half the sugar, and kids like it just as much if not exposed to full strength juice.
Juice is not bad. It, like anything else, needs to be used in moderation. Cookies aren’t bad. 100 cookies are bad. a cup or two of juice: not bad. Chugging 2 bottles in a day and drinking no water: bad. If juice was bad, WIC would not provide it to EVERY mother/child in their program…
Juice is only bad if they drink 12 cups at grammy’s house and then wet the bed at home as soon as they fall asleep. On the top bunk. And the pregnant mommy has to change the sheets. Of the top bunk.
Bunk beds are so much less fun as a parent. I always thought the new bunk beds with a double bed on the bottom where for sexually active college kids. Now I believe they were designed by a parent being forced to read/cuddle a toddler to sleep. Lol. When my 3 yr old wanted to ditch the bunk beds for a big bed he could jump on I couldn’t get the thing out the door fast enough.
WIC’s guidelines are WAY out of date. Many organizations and pediatricians recommend NO JUICE at all for children. My motto is, of they think it’s something they can have every day, or even every week (except on special occasions like a holiday or party or vacation), then they’ve had too much of it.
Yup, thank goodness someone told me to dilute 1/3 juice, 2/3 water. I kept wondering how parents did it, the first month i was going through so much juice (adopting a 2 1/2 yr old). I was okay calorie wise as he needed that, but darn that stuff doesnt do well in their bodies when it is “pure”. And make them drink water. It helps the poop factor, especially if they have trouble on that end.
My brother is a dentist, and hates just. Fine. So wife doesn’t permit at breakfast; I do (and only breakfast). Whatever. Yet it kills me that 2 hours later she is passing out cookies as a snack. What am I missing? But, whatever.
My daughter believes that only grandmas can have nail polish at their houses.
That, my friend, is the truth. I’m fairly certain there is a nail polish forcefield at my house preventing all nail polish from entering.
My mom regularly paints my daughter’s and my son’s
finger and toenails! It cracks me up and I am actually grateful because as a single mom I often run out of time for fun stuff like that.
Mine too! My daughters get pink and my son get clear with sparkles (love that she didn’t leave him out!).
My daughter believes that only grandmas can have nail polish at their house.
Unfortunately, sometimes what happens at grandparents’ house does not stay at grandparents’ house. When my husband and I went out for the very first time after my very premature daughter was born, we left her with my Dad. She was, at that time, a still very tiny 8 months old and, although doing fairly well at that point, was not eating any “real” foods yet. He gave her chocolate ice cream. Apparently, she really liked it and ate A LOT of it, because we were up ALL NIGHT with her throwing up. Not cool, Dad.
My grandmother (Dad’s mom) babysat me once when I was a young infant, maybe 2 months old. She fed me icecream. My mom didn’t even find out about it until much later…but she has never entirely forgiven that incident….33 years ago. That grandma never babysat again, either. There IS a line, and that is the line of WTF? You damaged my kid’s gut.
You win (?) sorry that happened! But this reminded me of a story. My grandma put PEPSI in my BOTTLE at around 8 months. Yup. The story thereafter from her end was “Jana’s real particular about what those kids eat.”
My parental units are a short 3 minute drive away (which in this city is halfway across the city lol). My mom always stocks up on juice and ice cream and such when the kiddos are headed over there, but my 6 yo DD ALWAYS asks for water, and my 4 yo DS is strictly a milk drinker… I don’t know where they come from, but trust me, at 4 and 6 I would have been taking the juice!
Last time my ILs looked after my little man, I got a call from daycare saying he had the runs. Lord only knows what they had been feeding him, but he was happy and I had some time off so …
My mom just moved out-of-state and my dad hasn’t quite grasped the whole grandpa thing. My husband’s parents are both gone.
I wish my son had grandparents who would let him “drink coffee”, show him movies that are off-limits, and spoil him rotten. You’re all so lucky.
Sorry
My mom lives out of state, and my Dad lives a 3-4 hour drive away. So although they would both love to be in on the spoiling, it’s just not possible most of the time. I am sorry your own father is not there quite yet – I hope he wakes up to the wonders of being a Grandfather soon 
I hear ya. We are grandparent-less. My hubby more than makes up for the spoiling/junk food/crazy movie thing though.
How about any “grandparently” neighbors to fill in? My husband is a kid nut. We have outdoor toys for the grandkids and the neighbor kids come and play too. Sometimes they come whether the grandkids are out or not! It may sound peculiar, but really it’s sweet/funny -and all outside in the front yard so no one has to worry where the kids are.
We have neighbours like this
so sweet and kind and my son will say “I going now” and points next door or they will ask if he can come over if we’re outside and his dad will hand him over the fence, they are a retired couple so I think it’s great he keeps them company and we get some quiet time too.
Do you attend a church or synagogue or other place where people of all ages gather? There are many older folks whose grandkids are far away who would love to play this role. We are missionaries and our coworkers are a bit older. Their kids are all stateside, so they play grandparents to my little one. Sorry you are missing out on the joys of grandparents, friend! It is hard.
Those are good ideas. I wish I had been brave enough to use them when my kids were little. My inlaws were always “too busy” and my parents were legitimately swamped with dealing with my Mother’s alzheimer’s disease. Smiles, though. I learned to treasure every healthy day!
Yeah both of our kids grandparents live 12hrs & my IL 18 hours away….so the spoiling doesn’t happen with them until they visit & its in front of us. They mail us stuff sometimes & I love it cuz its in moderation. Like my son still has his jelly bellies from Easter & I give him one or two if he’s done something really good (like clean up all his toys on his own). He’s also gotten semi-OK food like teddy grahams.
We have an older couple at our church that are our small “life” group leaders. They live nearby & are pseudo grandparents. Their granddaughter is far away & its good for them too.
They spoil him a bit but respect my “no soda” and sweets in moderation cuz they don’t want to deal with a hyped up kid themselves. I don’t care about a cookie or two and movies.
Its fun to visit people & do something out of the ordinary. Heck, sometimes I even have some Breyer’s Strawberry, chocolate or vanilla ice cream in the house….life’s too short to be the food Nazi all the time. Sometimes a little departure in moderation is what makes life that much more enjoyable. There’s enough crap going on in the world to stress anyone out. A treat & a good laugh with your kid/grandkid is a nice departure from it all sometimes!
Ditto. My partner’s parents are dead and my parents live 8000 km away. I would give anything for LO to get fed all kinds of unhealthy stuff by his grandparents.
My inlaws live fairly close (ferry ride + 15-20 minute drive), and my FIL works from home, so they are my go-to-guys for babysitting. And they LOVE it. A few weekends ago I had called them because the Boytoy and I got free movie tickets… but then we couldn’t figure out a movie we actually wanted to go see! Well, they came over anyways, kidnapped our son and took him to two (two!!) parks, ice cream and a dinner of chinese food, while the Boytoy and I went out for a nice relaxed dinner with friends. It was such a nice treat! Come February they’re taking care of him for nearly a week while we go to Hawaii – THAT makes me nervous!
Oh, and they VEHEMENTLY denied that they gave him any cookies – even though he walked up to the counter, pointed at the bag that they left and that he should not have been able to see clearly, and said “Cookie Please!!”
Yah. Sure. I believe that!
Morning after Thanksgiving 2011, (my son was a few days shy of turning 2) and I wake up to hear him being served pumpkin pie, for breakfast.
At least I was still in bed. If my mom wants to wake up with him so I can sleep in, she can serve whatever makes them happy.
Pumpkin it TOTALLY a vegetable, even if it comes wrapped in a delicious, flaky crust
. I also firmly believe that apple crisp is a legitimate breakfast food. It has oats AND apples!
This ^ lol!!
Total agreement – any fruit pie (is pumpkin a fruit or vegetable?) is excellent as either meal or dessert. All through college I baked two or three Pumpkin pies at a time, and then lived off them for two days. And I only gained 400 pounds. I win!
Oh, MIL doesn’t just give them snacks there.. she sends them HOME with them! She also never lets him forget to bring home the rocks he found while he was there. Or whatever else he found that he liked for 10 seconds, but that we can never throw out.
My son loves to visit Grandpapa when he is home he goes there for treats – hot chocolate or juice and white rolls and what ever else he has on hand. We rarely have juice at our house or white bread.
My dad lives on a little house on our property – on Saturday night my dad’s girlfriend usually stays over. My son is an early riser and always wants to say hi to Grandpapa and his girlfriend and invite them for breakfast on Sunday’s – paybacks a bitch – hehehehehe
As long as they are happy and safe I am not too concerned with what happens at Grandma & Poppa’s house! After all they did raise me to be just fine. Plus I can’t say I havent let my kids have candy for breakfast, how do you say no candy on Easter when they have a basket full? As long as it is not all the time I think it is good practice to slip in the those suprise treats that they never would have expected!
I agree Ashley, and I had to recently reassure my Mama and StepDaddy that I think they did a really good job and remind them that I’m just working with more information than they had. They seemed cool with that, because they denied me tons of stuff my cousins had and we grew up to be much healthier than any of them. I like to let my kids gorge themselves on candy on Halloween and cakes and cookies on Christmas because I think there’s a valuable lesson to be learned in upset tummies and vomiting up chocolate
If my parents fed my kids the stuff they fed me as a youngster, I would be fine with that. But it is like they are trying to get back at the world for every crappy thing people fed to me a child by inflicting the same problems on my kids.
Mom – I love you, but don’t you remember taking away the GIANT chocolate bunny the sweet old lady across the street gave to me and then marching back to her house to return it and tell her off for feeding me junk? I sure do! So why buy a GIANT bag of chocolate eggs for my kid?
My 6 year old just got back from a 5 day vacation with my grandparents. He didn’t get a ton of sleep and apparently one of the times he was asleep, my FIL sneezed which woke my son up and he fell off the bed. (They were in a hotel room) I can’t wait until I’m a grandma… it’s way more fun than being mom!
The dragon bit cracked me up.
I think it needs to happen to every kid! I remember once asking my Great Aunt why she spoiled me after overhearing my parents talking about it. Her response: “Because I can!” Good enough for me!
My M-I-L tries the treat thing, but she’s an 80′s-style calorie counter. So she tries to load my kids up with diet candy, fake-sugar juice, who-knows-what-that’s-made-of ice cream…there’s not a real drop of food in the place. She can’t understand why we don’t leave them with her. I’d rather them have coffee. Real candy. Even lard would be cool with me.
*Laughs* So true!!!
OMG! LOL. That’s my parents and margarine. I’ve taken to just leaving a few sticks of butter with them…
And sugar-free hard candy! What IS that, anyway? I mean, when you think about it, hard candy is nothing BUT sugar, so. . .
I wish. My in-laws live 1 mile from our house. They never take the kids, and when there is a real emergency, they *will* take the kids, but they whine about it and there are miles of strings attached.
But, ooooh, look at the grandparents’ pages on Facebook, and they have the world believing that they are the most supportive and amazing grandparents in the world, and my wife and I are soooo lucky to have them in our kids’ lives and we aren’t grateful enough for them.
Pfft. Whatever.
My parents too.
I guess they are just missing out! Assholes.
My parents live very close and they never come to see our 2 year old daughter. It breaks my heart they are not involved. I would love for them to come and take her our for an ice cream. They are missing out on so much…I asked my mother to babysit so my husband and I can go out for our 4 yr wedding anniversary and our last date night before number two is born next week and she said sorry 11:30 is to late for her.
My daughter is at my mom’s house this week while her daycare is closed. She really did have ice cream for breakfast. TWICE!!! Next week will be a rude awakening – especially when she actually does have to wake up (well) before 9:00 each morning… I also feel a little shorted – she never let ME have ice cream for breakfast!!!
OMG Right? My mother has CHANGED!!! That is NOT the same woman I grew up with?!! The six year old inside me is pouting.
what I love reading is all the good attitudes about grandparents and sweets. The forums I frequent, the parents complain loudly that the grandparents disobey their orders about only carrots and fruit for snacks. It’s nice to see some relaxed parents out there
my parents and IL’s are 2000 miles away though.. so no one except us gets to spoil the baby
It took me some time to relax. I remember being all stressed over stuff like this when I was a new mom.
Parents see it as the grandparents disobeying them (a power thing maybe?) and the grandparents see it as providing joy for the kids. I think grandparents know on a much deeper level how fast it all goes by. How a little ice cream and a little candy doesn’t make one lick of difference in the long run. Interesting.
“I think grandparents know on a much deeper level how fast it all goes by.”
Oh man, this is so true. I had not quite thought about it that way before.
Amber…. this is exactly it! I’m not old by any means.. well, maybe in the eyes of some here! LOl.. but I am 45, my kids are 27, 25, 24, 20 and 19 and HOW they got that old HOW I got this old…is beyond me! I swear it was only a few blinks ago when my oldest was being born but yet.. here I have two grandbabies…one 3 and one 5 weeks! I remember being ticked at my parents, my in laws.. when they did things not on my list.. but now, 20+ years later I think… did it matter? An example.. I remember showing up at my in laws campsite where they were keeping the kids for a few hours. My kids were beyond filthy… they had been playing in an old firepit that my FIL had dumped water in, which made a wonderfully nasty mess that just called to my kids… age 4, 3 and 1. Clothes were ruined, kids were beyond gross….I was beyond pissed.. and here was MIL snapping photos! 14 years later, those photos, and how we took them to the lake and dumped them in…them going home in their uncles big t-shirts or undies, were things we laughed over while making up photo boards for my oldest HS graduation party and yes, the two older remembered it! Now, as the grandma… I realize that those memories are worth the mess and the outfits that were tossed…
Yes! I love your example of the campsite mess and seeing it through the two different lenses (then – being pissed versus now – as a happy memory). Wise words indeed. Thanks for sharing that, it made me teary.
Every time my 18 month old comes home from the grandfolks’ house, she spends the day trying to do somersaults off the couch. Yayyy.
My 5-yr old tried my coffee once and thought it was horrible: “Mommy, why do you drink mud?!” And even if they did like it, NO ONE – and I mean NO ONE – could survive a night and a day with two kids on caffeine. NO grandparent is THAT good. So no. I don’t believe that they drank coffee. They just wanted to freak you out in case you were having too much carefree time while they were gone. You know…since they can read minds and feel the universe shift when Mom is having a moment NOT about them.
I think what actually happened is Crappy Baby took a sip of coffee by accident (or maybe he snuck it on purpose, not sure) and then it became this “crazy thing they did”. And YES, they absolutely like to tease me and make sure I don’t have too much fun while they are away. Good theory.
My second son (three at the time) once snuck some of my coffee while we were staying at a hotel. He proceeded to declare, “That’s a good cup of coffee!” LOL, no idea where he came up with that.
My grandparents gave us coffee–loaded with sugar and cream. They are the reason I drink coffee now. And TBH, it actually calmed me down.
My kids LOVE coffee and try to sneak mine as often as they can. I’ve finally convinced them that they aren’t allowed to drink it until they are 16, so now they tell everyone who will listen that when they ‘get 16′ they can have coffee and when they ‘get 13′ they can have wine. I don’t remember saying that last bit, but my three year old has it in her head now….
My kids love coffee too. I’ve learned the hard way to always carry it with me or risk the dreaded, “Mommy… I drank ALL your coffee. Wheee.” (left it on my desk when i went to investigate the crash coming the baby’s room) 2 shots of espresso = 1 very hyper 3 yr old.
I know for a fact that my kids get coffee! My mom makes the kids decaf with tons of milk and sugar and they love it! I don’t love that they have it but I don’t put my foot down. If it makes them and my mom happy I guess I can deal!
We are so very lucky – my mother retired early so that she could take my son after he was born 5 years ago and I went back to work full time. She now has him and my 18 MO daughter every day. She follows our rules during the workday M-F, but if the kids are there for an evening or on a weekend all bets are off! She and grandpa know how to throw a party, and I think they were saving up for it the whole time I was a kid!
For the record, we have convinced my son that we absolutley DO NOT – under any circumstances – have any fun while he is gone at grandma and grandpas…none. at. all. It works out better for all of us that way!
Oh, I love that last line! And, believe me, once you have teens, sometimes the only thing that keeps you going is thinking about how much fun you’ll have feeding your little grandkids treats when they come to visit.
Heck yeah!
My parents live in town and watch my 2-year-old daughter one day a week, in addition to occasional weekend babysitting. I don’t know if I’m lucky, or if my daughter is unlucky, but they are actually often stricter with her than I am — there have been many times that my mom has said “no” in a situation where I would have said “yes”. But she absolutely adores spending time with her grandparents and is so excited whenever they come over, and when I come home from work at the end of the day the house is clean because she has spent the day helping them tidy up!
I don’t mind the candy and cartoons too much. What drives me crazy is when my ILs send the boys home dehydrated, with an unchanged diaper/training pants and sunburned because they were “too busy having fun” to actually take care of them. There’s a reason I haven’t left our one year old DD with them for very long : / My mom and stepdad are a whole other story though. They only do treats in moderation, no vegging out in front of the boob toob and lots of fun outdoor activities that the boys LOVE.
These sounds like my in laws. I have never been the type of mom to get too worked up over things needing to be done exactly a certain way for my daughter. But the one or two times we’ve left our 2 yr old with my Ils they didn’t even so much as ask what a rough schedule she’s used to, etc. I think it’s the lack of regard for anything that we/she is used to doing is what irritates me the most. Just kind of reminded me of what you posted here.
My in-laws just moved to town to be closer to our girls. They were a couple hours away before. It’s awesome! They know the rules and spoil them only in ways that they know won’t wreck them for when they come home (usually). Now we have my dad (and his new wife?) and my inlaws. I am loaded up on grandparental babysitters. It’s seriously awesome.
That is awesome! My mom is moving here in December (from 2000+ miles away). Can’t wait.
I can’t wait to see what color dress she has.
Hmmm, that is a GOOD question! I think it will be aqua/light blue.
Be thankful for supportive grandparents that spoil your child yet still show respect. My parents do this and watch our kids often. My in-laws however don’t. I come home to questions like, “Why does grandma say she loves me more than you or daddy? Why is ___ (an adopted cousin) not our “real” cousin?…” They are always physically safe over there but not mentally/emotionally. If there is a visit we always have to be present.
Ooh, how I feel this one. My mom lives on the opposite coast but when she comes to visit, it’s obvious how unskilled she is at (grand) parenting. I would never leave my DS alone with her – not for fear of his physical safety but for his emotional health. Watching her with him makes me sad for my 6-year old self — it makes me fully realize many things about myself too. It all makes me grateful that I only have to manage her grandparenting a few times a year.
My in-laws spoil my boys (my parents are about 14000 kilometres away). They get juice and chips.
When I managed to sneak out of work the other day to pick my eldest (3yo) up from playschool (normally Granny’s job) after being excited to see me for approximately 2.3 seconds, he asked me what I have for him in the car….
Grandma also has several shows on her TV that we don’t have here (read: we don’t put on for him here). What is funnier is that at my brother’s house, HIS boys watch (I mean, have available) an entirely different group of shows and movies.
It’s this amazing mystery to my son and we are absolutely fine with that! Watch Beinstein Bears and Yo Gabba Gabba over there. You go boy!
My in laws watched my 18mo daughter overnight one night while I was in the hospital with the new baby. They watched movies the entire time, and ate cheese puffs and goldfish. I don’t let her watch tv or eat cheese puffs and goldfish, so she must have had an amazing time. She even fell asleep in grandmas lap, which I haven’t been able to accomplish since the girl was 5 months old…I tried quite a few times when I was feeling sick or tired, no luck for momma, but totally doable for grandma. It annoyed me at first but I’ve loosened up a little for sure. One day of movies and junk food isn’t going to make a long term difference.
If the in-laws saw my kids only once in awhile, I wouldn’t mind the junk or the threats, but they see them every week and load them up and it’s 3 long days of feeling like they’re going through withdrawal, ugh!
As for the coffee, my dad, aunt, and uncle grew up drinking the stuff since they were toddlers. My dad’s parents are from Sweden where coffee is a staple and so everyone in their neighborhood of Swedes drank coffee all the time, including the children. It was common for them to give the toddlers biscuits soaked in coffee, so they had that for breakfast every morning. Surprising, they are all calm people for drinking coffee as much as they do. Since I didn’t grow up drinking it, I used to get told by my gramma that I wasn’t a true Swede since I didn’t like coffee and shame on my parents for not raising me on it, haha. In college, I started to drink it, so I finally have my gramma’s approval.
HA-HA The craziness of new moms. I once dropped my new baby off at my Aunt’s house with a meticulous list… TYPED no less!!!
She took one look at it and said,”I’ll watch your kid whenever you want, but you can stuff that list up your ass!”
I’ve always loved my Aunt!!
And truthfully, that is where my list belonged. The woman had raised three children ( my cousins) without death or dismemberment, hell, one of them even went to Columbia Law School….without the help of a list!!!
Bottom line ….I never looked the free baby-sitting horse in the mouth again. EVER.
I’ve always loved my Aunt!!!
“Free baby-sitting horse!” lol, so true.
I gave my mother-in-law SIX pages of written notes/instructions the first time she watched my daugther! I really do wish I could be one of those mothers who just says, “Have fun!” and walks away worry-free.
Jennifer,
6?? gracious!! That is a lot!
But regardless, wheter you are the
“6 page note writing” kind of mother
or
the “Slap a Post It on them and wish them the best of luck” kind of mother.
Whichever kind you are, you are the best kind….because your THEIR mother.
GAH. sorry! YOU’RE not YOUR…. we seem to be having apostrophe problems with this thread.
My parents are about 45 minutes away and watch the boys occasionally, esp if they’re sick. Whatever happens at Nana and Papa’s, happens. I know that they play HARD with the boys, and whatever they eat and do is fine. I’m just grateful to have family nearby for help.
My oldest plays Karaoke with my dad and they video themselves doing songs, which both of them love. Hooray for grandparents! 
(though the idea of caffeine-hopped kids is a little nerve jangling….ouch)
OMG this is my biggest fear. My daughter is almost 20 months old and I dread the days when she goes to their house and eats crap. My mother-in-law already doesn’t follow my instructions…I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like when she’s older! Ugh…
Kids live through it. It’s not worth stressing an already difficult relationship more. Just be firm about the rules at your home. Not much you can really do to control the inlaws no matter how hard you try!
right. If the kids love being with the grandparents and vice versa it is time well spent, no matter what they eat. There’s no such thing as too much unconditional love. Now, creating a brat is a different story. If the child is becoming demanding and bossy and the grandparents are pushovers – then I think you have to ask them to say “No” once in a while.
My ILs are my primary childcare for my kids so they are constantly having sugar and crap, but honestly, the trade off of great, individualized childcare is worth it. Nonni loves Latte’s. My kids can even order them for her. However, they don’t drink them. Except when Nonni earned a free iced frappuccino – and since she didn’t want it (too sweet for her), she gave it to the kids. I had to call and ask her about it, she said it was like a milkshake – Yes, I know what a frappuccino is, an iced COFFEE milkshake. Sadly, she didn’t – Really she didn’t know that it had coffee in it! Now she does and has to tell the kids no to frappuccinos because mommy said so.
They all win. I have up a while ago.
er gave
When I was hospitalized recently my oldest daughter spent the week at her grandma’s place. She arrived there thin and left overweight. My mother in law lives on a diet of butter, bread, potatoes, bacon and ice cream and so did my daughter. A week at home eating vegetables and she was back to her old self.
Before I started school (late 60s), my parents both went to a conference for teachers during the summer holidays. They arranged that my Grandparents (Pa’s parents) would come and stay for a week and look after us. That way, we’d have all our toys and could go out and play with our friends for much of the day (life was different then!).
They turned up on the appointed day, as the parents were preparing to leave for the conference, and said “we’ve decided to take the kids back to our house”. This was a 3.5 hour drive away. Although we visited them a lot and were used to their house, there was nobody there for us to play with and they weren’t the most child-oriented couple (until my younger cousins were born, then they were all about the hands on grandparenting!!!).
My grandmother brought us home on the train at the end of the week (as they both had worked for the railways, they got free first class travel). When Ma put us to bed that night, we apparently said “You won’t ever send us to stay with Granny & Grandpa on our own again, will you?”
Grandpa died when I was 7, but I became very close to Granny. She was a very forward looking woman and insisted that I should know how to maintain the car she bought and learned to drive in her 70s as well as how to cook, speak French and study physics.
We call it “Camp Gramma”. She does all sorts of fun activities, takes them to museums or on nature walks or bakes or paints… all the messy learning stuff! (not that they dont paint at home, but she has a MUCH wider variety of fun stuff). She gets her own section of the scrapbook dedicated to the fun stuff they all did over the summer/fall – and she ALWAYS has snacks and juiceboxes by the bucketfull for them. My basic rule is “let them eat/drink whatever, just don’t send them home hungry.”
My Mom spends the night at my house at least once a week. Every morning, my 2 yr old twins ask if Gramma slept here. Every
morning. I am so lucky (single Mom) that she’s so involved!
I spent the first 4 years of my life living a multi-generational home. Me, my mom, 2 aunts, one uncle, my grandparents and my grandpa’s mom… my Granny. Then my mom married and we moved out…I started school so my time with my grandparents and granny were more limited but I still spent as much time there as I was allowed. Oh.. the food I had there! Coffee-milk and donuts for breakfast. Cream gravy made from bacon fat on white bread. Going “out for breakfast” with my grandpa and heading to Sanders for hot fudge sundaes! Our traditional day after holiday breakfast was always leftover pie…(a tradition I share with my kids and grandbaby today!) Oh.. and the cheese I ate! My granny gave it to me by the hunks! Then I had my own kids.. and I experienced a bit of what my mother went thru. Cookies shoved in little kids coat pockets, brownies for breakfast…and my oldest distinctly remembers going to a little dive with her Poppa for breakfast and getting ice cream! I did the “right thing” and scowled about it but inside thought.. yay! my kids get memories! My granny, both my grandparents and my dad are now gone.. and I am the Grandma. When my son and his girlfriend told me they were pregnant… couldn’t wait to “spoil” my grandbaby… create the memories with her that I got with my grandparents.. that my kids got with their Poppa. But.. for right now, I am raising my 3 year old grandbaby so my “grandparent spoiling” is on hold.
Let your kids have those memories with their grandparents, let them feed them too much fruit, give them juice and cookies, let them keep the kids up to late. In the long run…and not to be morbid, but there will come a time when those memories are all that is left… so LET THEM BE GOOD ONES. There will come a time when you will smile about purple poo that stains butts and won’t care one little bit about stained diapers. And there will come a time when your little ones are having their own little ones.. and you will be doing things with them that your grandparents did with you and saying… ya know.. when I was a kid my grandma and I always ___fill in the blank_____. Its worth it.. don’t sweat the stuff that in 20 years.. really won’t matter.
This is a good reminder from someone that’s been there and done that. Thanks
Amen to this. My grandparents are all gone now, but boy, the memories I had with them! Even now I can still hear my grandpa singing in Norwegian as we drove down to the Sunshine to get ice cream.
They should make a new parents’ motivational poster with that last paragraph! I’m sitting here with tears in my eyes. You are SO right – the good memories will be so worth the headaches.
This was a tearjerker. The memories with the grandparents are priceless. As a new mom thanks for reminding me not to sweat the small stuff that won’t matter in 20 years.
Yes. To everything you wrote.
(I also grew up in multi-generational household with my mom, grandparents & two aunts until I was seven and my mom got married. It was the best, donuts included)
This is *SO* true! My grandparents lived overseas, so I didn’t have them around to spoil me… I still have fond memories of when we went over to visit them and they’d press some money into our hands or an extra chocolate biscuit.
My kids are spoilt rotten by their grandparents who live on our property… they feed them way too much junk food, fizzy drinks (they’re not allowed at home), etc… I just let it be. It’s hard because they see them every day and my eldest has put on a lot of weight since the grandparents moved here, but my dad is 80 and my kids are only 4 and 7 so I figure those memories are far more precious than a tiny bit of extra weight.
I’m traveling for work this week and my MIL came to watch my kids. Right before I left, she gave me $200 cash, to buy something for the kids since they’re heading back to school. She gave me money and is watching my kids for free. She can feed them ANYTHING she likes.
On my side of the family, my (very strict) dad is always saying things to my kids like “you don’t have to follow all those silly rules like your mom had when she was growing up.” I occasionally point out that the rules were his idea when I was growing up, but I generally get blank stares from him when I point this out.
I am totally looking forward to grandparenthood!
My FIL was also the hard-a$$ with his own kids, and will resort to almost anything when it comes to playing with the grandkids! I think MIL is trying to overcompensate by going totally nuts in the other direction. I am positive we did not have hand sanitizer growing up but she can’t stop trying to apply it to my children and prevent any fallen Cheerio from reaching their pristine little mouths.
My 4-y-o, after spending an afternoon beachcombing with Grandma, happily announced, “I love Grandma! She does everything I tell her to do!”
That is a lovely and so succinctly expresses a grandparent/child relationship.
My mom just babysat for us for 2 hours the other day. It took me the next morning to clean up all the mess, dishes, random honey all over everything. Whatever. It means she is awesome at what she does, which is playing with the kids.
When my first was a baby and had just started solids, great-grandma asked if she could give her some meat and DH and I were all horrified nooooooo! (Then she asked if she could have some cake, just the frosting?) I’m proud to report with baby #2 we discovered that babies can eat most table food without exploding. Meat was in fact one of her first foods (we did hold off on the frosting a little while, though.)
Oh crap…my boys are three and number one son enjoys coffee with me! Guess cause I am old enough to be their grandma!
my rents live 8hrs away but the IL’s forever spoil our 3yo.. luckily for us the worst she gets is Maccas, biscuits and cake. She’d rather a yoghurt than chocolate!
She will also refuse coffee cause that’s “mummy juice”
the only thing the ILs did that peeved me was stick a straw in red wine and give her some (made my blood boil) .. & take her for a drive without her car seat cause “there was no anchor point” (could have been done for murder!)
My Dad patiently waited 6 months to give my son a banana, and stuck to good food for the first year. Enjoying watching his grandkid smear dessert all over his face is his reward. The diapers are rough though. Grandma only gets to see him once or twice a year, she could feed him fried butter sprinkled with sugar if she wanted. I don’t get it, but watching a kid eat is as entertaining as a Broadway play to grandparents.
Sweets at grandpa’s is one thing. Not being buckled into a carseat at grandpa’s is quite another. My father did this with my niece… and bragged about how my generation never used seatbelts and we turned out ok. Guess who’s never babysat my kid.
I straight lied to my parents and my in-laws and told them our daughter was having a digestive problem and the doctor ordered us not to give her any type of junk food.
I love letting my daughter stay at my in-laws but tend to forget that when she is an angel for them that means she has saved up all her boogerness (that’s a word right?) for me! I have to medicate her regularly with “doses of reality” to get her back on track… just like the old traveling equation… for every hour at Grandma’s it takes 4-5 hours of home to get back on track at home
. Love you Mimi!
Ha! This is so our life right now. Grandma and Grandpa came to take care of our toddler while Mommy and Daddy had to go out of town for work for 2 weeks. He was fantastic for them. As soon as we came home, he started having tantrums you wouldn’t believe (his first). We actually said no to things (shocking, I know). He’s not even two yet but he tried to go ask Grandma after we said no. To her credit, she backed us up. He was NOT happy about that. The first few days back were pretty awful but after a couple of weeks, things are settling down and we haven’t seen a tantrum in a few days. Turns out, it’s not just his age as Grandma insisted…
I had originally been hoping to skip having kids completely and go straight to grandmother stage, but it didn’t happen. So far my parents are really enjoying being grandparents. Fortunately for me my daughter is only 1 and the worst they’ve given her yet is pizza crust and tortellini…
When we go to my mom’s house (8 hours away) she always makes sure she has treats for everyone, myself and husband included. She goes and buys coffe because she knows my husband can’t function without it. I get bagels from a favorite bakery and kids get cookies and white bread (ironically a big No when I was growing up).
Works the same for Aunts & Uncles. My 3 year old niece comes to visit and get spoiled with my 7 & 9 year old’s ‘special snacks’ like Cheese-Its and Oreos. And yes, she was exposed to Nerf dart wars a bit earlier than my brother and SIL wanted her to be…What happens at Aunt Stacey’s STAYS at Aunt Stacey’s. A 3 year old doens’t always comply, though.
Love this! As my SIL says, there will always be a lolli for you at Auntie’s house
I was so determined once to not be one of “those” new mom’s that I didn’t give my very experienced sister-in-law any instructions. I completely forgot to tell her that my son wouldn’t fall asleep if someone was holding him. She ended up rocking him for TWO HOURS- and he never fell asleep. Big fail.
ohhhhmygoodies…
We live 800+ miles from the closest grandparents. 2600 from my mom and dad/step-mom. This stops about 1% of the spoiling. Ask our post man who has a weekly package from my mom to lug up our walkway. Because apparently I can’t afford to clothe my children? My oldest daughter has a TON of clothes. My youngest has TWO tons because she inherited hand-me-downs and GOD FORBID a grandparent buy an article of clothing for my oldest and not my youngest.
My mom is moving here in two years. My first thought was not “oh, that will be so nice for everyone!” Nope. My first thought was “FREE BABYSITTING!”
I have lucky girls – three sets of grandparents to spoil them
I totally enjoyed this post and comments. My deal is: I didn’t have very involved grandparents in my life growing up so I don’t really know what the grandparent “duties” are from personal experience. my in-laws live close so that means my kiddos have the potential for getting spoiled on a regular basis, but I’m still in over-stressed, high-strung, first time mommy mode.
I’m not sure how to feel okay with my kids thinking I’m a biotch all of the time compared to their gramma. I guess I have a serious disproportionate fear that my kids will just straight up hate me if I’m not the funnest in their world. God I need help!
Is this just me?
I didn’t have grandparent relationships either when growing up, but we live within minutes of my parents and inlaws. No matter how much my kiddos get spoiled, they are ALWAYS relieved to see me when I come to pick them up. There’s only so much spoiling a kid can take before they’re ready to feel their secure little boundaries again. Not to mention the grandparents’ relief when I arrive, too! Yes, my kids are trained to behave well, but after candy, juice and hours of TV, their self-control is diminished just a bit lol!
LOL… ok, understand something. For the most part… Grandparents love grandkids in a way even parents can’t understand. You think you could never love anyone the way you love your kids… just WAIT until your baby has a baby!! I cannot even begin to explain to you what I feel for my grandbabies and honestly, as much as I love the relationship that has happened between me and my oldest grandbaby.. I cannot WAIT to put on the full grandma hat because right now, I am wearing too much of the mommy one! But this I have seen first hand.. no matter how much time, energy and specialness I share with my Grandbaby… she LOVES her mommy and daddy. And, you, my dear….YOU ARE MOM!! NOTHING and NOBODY will EVER take the place of you in your kids hearts! EVER! This I promise you. Kids need structure, they need boundaries… otherwise they live in chaos and that scares them. Boundaries, routines and structure… the things they can depend on…and things that make them feel safe and loved. YOU give them that. Let your in laws spoil the babies…they both deserve it. Judge it on what you will think, looking back, 20 years from now. Example.. is it a bid deal that grandma buys your kiddoes new socks once a week? Probably not.. but if she shows up daily with coffeecake for breakfast…well, that needs to stop. Know what I mean? I see Grandparenting as vacation and parents as HOME… we all love going on vacation….but there is always a point where we are ready to come home.
As for you being the funnest in their world… no offense.. but that is not your job. Your kids are not always going to LIKE you… because you will have to say no, it’s not ok, it’s not safe….but they will ALWAYS LOVE YOU.
Thanks for your comments Lisa. You’ve made me cry twice today!
Anything my parents want to give them just short of crack is fine with me.
The only real problem I have with the grandparents spoiling the kids is the tantrums that result when they have to readjust to “real life.” But my grandparents spoiled me. I figure my kids deserve the same
My in-laws let my 7-yr-old daughter do just about anything…..which used to bother me, but last sleep-over they finally put their foot down! The big “splashy bath” she always takes at Grandma’s house was BANNED! (due to my daughter stealing Grandma’s splash toy and flooding her bathroom) HA! Never underestimate the splash powers of a 7-yr-old!
No way in hell my kids will ever spend long periods of time with their grandparents. Never over night. Ever. I know I am uptight but my parents are a health hazard seriously. My mom is known for leaving the stove burners on for hours with nothing on them. She leaves house chemicals and knives within in easy reach of toddlers. I am surprised I made it out alive.
Good thing I make up for grandparent-ness by letting my kids eat pop tarts (organic haha) a few times a week
HAHAHA! i love reading these comments. let me preface this comment by saying my mother was a great mom, she never gave me ice cream, sodas, candy, and other fun stuff when i was a little kid for my own good so i wouldnt have an issue with them later (it worked, i still dont drink soda or eat candy, and i would much rather eat fruit than ice cream). My grandpa and my uncle took me to see a movie one day when i was like 5 or 6 i think, well anyway, my papaw is really bad about force-feeding you, like he just constantly offers you food–”you look thin! you need to eat!” so he and my uncle gave me buttered popcorn (i had never had it before), candy bars (i was never given actual chocolate before that day) and also soda (i had never had a soda before) and on the way home in the car, I said, “Papaw I don’t feel so **BLEECCCCHHHH**” and threw up all over my uncle. Needless to say when we got home, what happened with papaw had to be told, because why else would my uncle be covered in throw up when none us was running a fever or sniffling and coughing?
I’m still torn on this. One one had, sure, a piece of chocolate here and there is fine. I don’t exactly get why grandparents get so excited to give the grand kids candy, but what the hay. But my mother has been known to give the grand kids (not mine because I’m pretty sure my sister broke her of this habit) Coke before (she only drinks coke and coffee – water never touches her lips). I think I would prefer the coffee.
My wonderful FIL spoils the kids rotten. As a former police officer and father of 6, his kids often talk about the vein that would pulse on his forehead when he was angry. But as a Papa he is sweet as pie. The grandkids walk through the door and he says “come here and give your Papa kisses, your Papa loves you!” He gives wonderful Papa kisses and sneaks the kids chocolate whenever he can. We just make sure they brush their teeth good when we get home
That’s great! I just did a cartoon post of the same topic a few weeks ago. I guess the experience is somewhat universal.
http://janetadrienne.blogspot.ca/2012/08/a-night-with-grandparents.html
That is great! It took my 2 year old 3 hours to learn to say “orange pop” thanks to a very generous auntie. He still refuses to say his brother’s name.
Exactly! I totally let my mom indulge our baby girl. Also, she had a stroke last year and I worry about how long she’ll be around. I want my daughter to have happy memories of her grandmother and my mom to enjoy her as long as possible. So I let my mom do her thing even if I don’t always agree with the nutrition choices and bedtime schedule. It’s only once in awhile anyway!
I love the relationship that my kids (8,11 and 13) have with their grandparents. Things are so good that the grandparents ASK ME if they can take the kids!! It is freaking amazing. I do have a sneaky suspicion that my Dad likes to take the kids because HE gets to have treats as well. I’ll keep that on the down-low.
My mom denied giving my 2 year old coffee when we would come over to visit (they are 2 hours away). One morning, my mom woke up with her and let my husband and I sleep in. I walked out of the bedroom to see her and my mom sharing a cup of “coffee”, aka lots of milk, on the steps of the porch together. It was such a sweet thing to see. I didn’t grow up with my grandparents, and the memory of my little girl sharing such a tender moment with my mom really warmed my heart. If coffee helped that along, well then golly pass the Chock Full O Nuts.
My 3-year-old daughter was staying with my parents for a weekend. I called to check in around lunch time and asked what they were having.
My Dad: Bacon.
Me: Oh really?
My Dad: Yeah, she loves that stuff.
Me: What else are you guys having?
My Dad: Nothing, just bacon.
Me: Don’t you think she’d like something to go with it?
My Dad: Nah. I don’t think she’ll make though the whole pound of bacon I cooked for her.
I love this! Bacon! The candy of meats! Bacon is the one food in the world we could totally depend on my grandson to always eat! He loves it! Don’t believe I’d make him a whole pound tho!
Would you Dad consider adopting me as his grandchild?
i♥bacon
I had the best grandmothers ever: one a great cook, spoiled us rotten, very patient. The other, a sophisticated, witty woman who wasn’t as much fun when we were kids, but was awesome when we grew up.
I’m one of 5 kids so my mother was always busy, always in a hurry. The best thing about going to my grandmother’s place was that she would go at our pace, even if it meant stopping to sniff every rose to check they _all_ smelled good, or taking the long way to the shops “just because”.
My son doesn’t have that relationship with his grandparents because his local grands (ex’s parents) have never met him (not my decision, his father doesn’t see him either), and my parents live on the other side of the world.
I am engaged to a guy I started seeing when my son was 18 months old and while his parents are lovely, they had real issues when my (now 6yo) started calling their son “Daddy” and hasten to correct anyone who thinks they’re the grandparents – my son calls them by their first names at their request.
I’m so sorry your son can’t enjoy having grandparents. My parents (most of the time) and my husband’s father are also abroad (my mil died a few years ago). So we SKYPE- A LOT. But we also have “surrogate” grandparents. My uncles and their wives do a great job of acting like grandparents. My kids love them! My husband’s cousin and her husband (who are older and have grandchildren who are abroad) are also great “subs”. They spoil our kids the way they can’t spoil their own.
Also, there are a lot of elderly people in nursing homes and assisted living facilities who don’t have families to come and visit. I think as your son gets older, you may want to start visiting one near you a volunteer with him. Maybe, he’ll create a connection with someone there.
Sweetie, don’t feel bad about the way his parents are behaving! I was only 21 when my daughter was born, and my own parents both refused to let her call them Grandmother & Grandfather or anything similar – they insisted she call them by their first names. They were obsessed with staying young, & didn’t want “the whole world to know” to think they were old enough to be grandparents. Right. I was an only child until 13, when my brother & sister were born, so my sister & daughter were only 6 years apart (they’re still super-close today). As a child, my daughter spent exactly one night with my parents; they had no interest in grandparent activities. Mom died in 2001 & Dad died in 2004.
Fortunately, my husband’s family filled in as such awesome grandparents that she didn’t miss a thing. Everyone who met them asked if they could become their grandparents, too. And I’ve tried to fill in for my sister’s kiddos on this side.
If your fiance loves you and your son, so will his parents – it might take them a little while to catch up, but I bet they will. Take heart and have patience.
I have no problem at all with treats at grandma’s, it’s the subsequent complaining that bugs me. My kids have strict rules about sugar at home, and a solid routine that they respond to. Grandma pumps them full of sugar, and then wonders why they won’t go to bed and and they suddenly misbehave?!?! You can mess with the system *OR* whinge about their behaviour – not both!
Grandparents giving children coffee – One of lifes many problems that we just have to live with.
I don’t actually have kids, but as the ‘adopted’ aunt of many, I do my part in the form of junk food, finger paints and goodies to bring home. I remember loving my trips to the grandparent’s houses. One had loads of makeup and nail polish for me to slop on and a sewing machine to play on. There was also mint chocolate chip ice cream AND hot home canned dill pickles. Mac for dinner and all the candy I could scrape out of the candy dish. I’d stay up half the night getting creeped out watching the late shows and go home the next day exhausted, reeking of cigarette smoke, with a sinus infection in the works, a puffy, allergic skin reaction from makeup I was never supposed to touch, a whopping stomach ache and bathroom issues that required a LOT of medicine to fix. I was down for at least a week after every visit, but raring to go the next time they offered to keep us kids. Grandparents rock!
When I was little, my grandfather lived with us and babysat occasionally. Apparently, when I was about 4, my parents took a trip and, after they got home, my mom was making breakfast and asked me what I would like. I said, “A Granddaddy breakfast.”
My mom asked, “A Granddaddy breakfast? What is a Granddaddy breakfast?” I answered, “Coffee and a cigarette.” I’m fairly sure I got neither of those things for breakfast.
I miss my Granddaddy, he was always up for fun.
Now, my mom lives in my neighborhood and my dad lives about 15 minutes away, so my son gets all kinds of spoiled, and I love that he has so many people in his life that love him. Even if it means he eats french fries and ice cream and chocolate cake more than I’d like.
When my mom watched my kids she fed them popcorn and beans for lunch. But then again, when my mom was my age her mother had already been gone for years…my kiddos are lucky to have a grammy.
The hubs and I are so lucky to have lived the first 18 months of our daughters’ life in a 4 generation household. My parents, my Yaiyai, us and the baby. When we moved (8 miles away!!) it was an adjustment. Not for her, she was fine. I however had to learn to shower with no help.
Now, a year later, she spends a few afternoons a week and all day sunday there. I love it. Not only for the free child care (yay!) but just watching her relationship with my parents and especially my Yaiyai. She is getting quite old and has lost a lot of weight in the last year, but I am forever grateful for every day my daughter spends with her. She even brings her a needed cane or walker when she notices her Super Yaiyai standing up. It brings us so much joy.
She also has brought tears of laughter by following behind women, holding their backside and saying “I’ve got you, I’ve got you”
I am a very grateful woman.
My in-laws keep apologising for showing up to visit their newborn grandson. In a year or so I’ll be the one gladly apologising for continuously showing up to drop him off!!! he he. http://lilfatty.com
I love this post and all of the comments! My husband and I aren’t parents yet, but I can tell that my parent’s can’t wait! My parents are willing and happy free babysitters to new parents in their office and to a few at church. With less money going around, they happily help out wherever they can. Watching the abundant love they have for all kids – and the love those kids show in return – convinces me that they will be wonderful grandparents. I know I’ll freak out, like every new mom, but I’ll have to remember that my parents raised three very healthy and happy girls. They probably won’t be able to mess up my own kid very much- at least not any more than new parents already do. A little spoiling is good. We’ll all probably do the same when we get to be grandparents too.
I’m all for a bit of treating at the grandparents’ place, as long as the good stuff (fruit, veggies, water) gets served up as well. The last couple of times my daughter’s been to my in-laws, she’s come home constipated! Really not fun for a 5-year old or her parents
When my now 4 year old was going through a difficult eating stage about 2 years ago, my mother offered to make him a sugar sandwich. WTF?
Lies I tell my child: They only sell Frutie Pebbles and Doritos in Massachusetts, sorry, we can’t buy those here.
LOL! I read somewhere a guy had written that his Dad told him that the ice cream truck only played music when it was out of ice cream.
When my son was a newborn, my folks said ‘we’re too young to be grandparents’. By the time he was one, he was going over for a few hours now and then. Dear mother proudly announced that he’d eaten heaps one day. Later that evening we discovered that five bowls of icecream in 3 hours wasn’t such a good thing. Dear mother is still unrepentant!
I grew up in northern California & My dad’s mom lived in New Mexico. When we visited she always had homemade plum jelly in baby food jars just for me; and those orange iced breakfast rolls just for me; and Nabisco sugar wafers just for me. When I grew up it turned out out she really had all that stuff for my grandpa & she had just told me it was just for me! She probably told all the other grandkids that stuff was just for them too! But that’s ok it made me feel special and loved.
My mom’s mom lived in southern California so we visited her a little more often. She always made us the best ham salad sandwiches or chicken salad sandwiches for our long drive home. But we never even got out of town before my sisters and I were chowing down on her picnic lunch in the back seat.
Now that I’m a grandma of 2 my goal is to spoil them and love them and make them feel special. We do try to limit the sugar treats to the early part of our visit & make sure the kids get a nap time so their parents don’t have to deal with the sugar highs & tiredness tantrums. I know working parents have enough to do with out dealing with crazy toddlers at the end of a long day!
I also try to make a point of telling my daughter how much I admire her & my son in laws parenting skills. I really do think they are wonderful parents.
Haha, love it. Could they possibly wait till you’re out of earshot though?!! haha!
I deliberately don’t buy icecream cones or offer icecream as a dessert option very often because that is Grandma’s thing. I don’t want to take that away from her. I shudder to think what else is Grandma’s thing…but since she usually has them for a sleepover, not just an hour, I don’t care…if it’s her that’s suffering the consequences of sugar overload!! Actually, who am i kidding…she is prouder the later they stay up, not dying to get them in bed by 7pm, so she doesn’t care. It’s all good all round!!
By the way, i don’t comment very often but I always read your blog and never fail to laugh. Thankyou.
SO cute!
Hm. Reading through the comments, I think we’re missing out here. My Dad lives very close, but made abundantly clear when I was pregnant and since – not interested. My son is now two, but when we go visit, he is basically ignored. Once, ‘joking’, my Dad said something about when he’s old enough for a slot-car set. Hmph. The in-laws are ethier overseas or invalid. There’s no one else.
My grandparents on both sides were not involved, my Mum had reason to keep us safely away, and my Dad’s were too far away. So reading these comments, I figure I’ve missed out too! Idea – we’ll have to manage our own grandparenting/treating…
Family tradition of post-holiday-breakfast-pie?… it could be worth it.
My mother inlaw try’s to take my kids a least once a month for nana day .And I know that they probley will have fast food for lunch and pop but she always try’s to balance it out with some fruit and she has a candy dish near the door that they raid on the way out their door but I’m good with that as it’s not a everyday thing . If I send them to my moms it the opposite they only eat healthy food their and she try’s to feed them tofu. They usually get a snack when they get home
Amber, this is so timely. My parents live across the country. I get so jealous when I hear about my Dad and stepmom babysitting for the grandkids that are near them. But soon, my Dad will have two days of watching my son while I am on a business trip. Right after his 5th BDay. My dad already warned me he is planning on spoiling the little guy. Well this whole post just makes me smile. I can’t wait.
Oh but crap, now I am a bit scared of the crappy monster that I will have on the plane back to LA after the days with Grandpa. Eh, worth it in the end. I cherish the days at my Grandparents, especially my Grandma, she was and stull is (going on 100 this year) just the sweetest. I owe her a big hug when I see her.
Thank you for your blog.
Some day we’llbe the grandparents… and then we’ll have our revenge. Mwahahahaha!
My Mum and Dad looked after our 3 year old daughter at our house for an afternoon a few weeks back. My daughter nonchalently suggested to my Dad that he take her to the ice cream parlour, as though it’s something we do all the time (I think she’s been in there about 3 times her entire life). My Dad, bless him, half-attempted to bat off this suggestion – although he secretly thought it was an excellent idea – by telling her he didn’t know where it was, but she said “Don’t worry Grandpa, I do”. And sure enough, she led him all the way there from our house. He totally loved it. Their special outing and their special treat. He’s due to visit again this weekend and my daughter is really looking forward to it because “Grandpa buys me ice-cream!”. I think Grandpa is just as excited about this experience becoming a permanent fixture!
I SOOOO identify with this! My mom is the Queen of “do what I want with MY grandkids at MY house” LOL
I just LOVE Crappy Baby!
Hahahahaha! This is so true! My son is only 8 months old and my in-laws spoil him already, I can only imagine what will happen when he can talk and say “pweeeeese grandma can I have a cookie?” with those adorable big eyes staring up and them.
I’ve been a long time reader of your blog and I think this is the first time I’m commenting… so I just wanted to say thanks for all the laughs!
I almost wish DS would eat more junk food at his grandparents…. He won’t stop running and playing long enough to eat or nap! My mom has started watching him at our place if she babysits around nap-time, since that’s the only way to get him to nap. All the grandkids (under 3) loooove my MIL, so they just play outside all day and mostly eat dirt lol. So whatever food they can gt him to eat, goes.
I was upset when my MIL gave my son soda though. It was the ONE thing I asked her not to give him. Candy, ice cream, whatever, but no soda please (although I probably would have asked her not to give him coffee either if I had thought of it). Seriously, the guy has run you into needing a knee replacement, he doesn’t need caffeine lol. Thankfully, what we learned from this was that he hates “bubble juice”! He’s even dumped his aunts’ out a few times now hahaha. I hope we get as lucky with DD…
Haha! Love it!
Haha! Love it!
http://letterstoaubrey170672.blogspot.com/
My ex daughter-in-law doesn’t really cook and my son doesn’t like to spend his two weekends a month with the kids cooking so when they visit me I make a point of giving them home-cooked meals. Baked potatoes and meatloaf with a salad and fresh pineapple for dessert or baked pork chops and sweet potato fries with cucumber slices (and grinding your own sea-salt for the cukes!) ARE a treat for them. I feed them what I keep in the house for myself, asking my son first to be sure it is stuff they will eat. The only “special treat” I keep in the house for them is shelf-stable sweetened coconut milk because they are lactose intolerant. I don’t drink juice and fresh fruit, vegetables, and nuts are the snack foods around here. Oh, yeah. I do keep the individual cups of blueberry applesauce in the house just for them. I remember staying at my grandparents and the big deal was that I was an “only” child for a few days (instead of oldest of 6) and I got to play cards with the grownups or checkers with my grandpa. My other grandpa (grandma dead) used to offer me a bite of his “candy bar” (chewing tobacco) and insult me in German. I adored them all and still miss them more than 30 years later. It isn’t the treats or the “stuff” you give them; it is the time, attention, and love.
I’m so with you. It’s not the stuff, it’s the time, attention and love. My grandparents lived close by and our whole family had dinner at one set of grandparents’ house each Friday and the other set’s house each Monday. Plus, they babysat us plenty. And they didn’t try to buy our affection with junk food or piles of toys. They taught us to play double solitaire and gin rummy, listened to our long-winded stories, showed us how their tomato plants grew, hugged us, told us stories and fed us delicious homemade meals. They didn’t spoil us and we loved them dearly and enjoyed spending time with them. However, my kids’ grandparents didn’t learn from their parents’ examples. They subscribe to the cookies-and-juice-for-breakfast, buy-them-lots-of-sparkly-shiny-crap-that-will-hold-their-attention-for-2.5-seconds style of grand-parenting. Amber’s post is witty, funny and apt, as always, but I just don’t get it. (Not the post, the grandparenting philosophy.)
I’m still a ‘new’ mom (our baby is 15 months) and it’s amazing how much I’ve calmed down in the last year. MIL watches little dude 2 days a week, and while I did actually have a list for a while I’m pretty sure she smiled and tossed it as soon as I was gone. Now I’m like, “yeah, feed him something and please make him take a nap at some point before 3″. Most days we pick him up and he’s filthy and butt naked. And happy as a freaking clam. So….what happens at grandma’s stays at grandma’s and as long as he’s happy, healthy and thriving this mama doesn’t care.
What my kids learned about coffee at granny’s house it that granny has instant coffee, so she can make it as easily as boiling water…
At home, they get fresh espresso, which has more of a “you get one half-shot when daddy is making his, or you miss your chance entirely” mindset to it.
Seriously, it takes the edge off of him.
My mother had my 6 year old son for the last week of summer before school started. She taught him how to play Blackjack. He now carries a deck of cards in his pocket, and stops to deal a few hands every once and awhile. He deals and plays Blackjack with his 4 year old brother, and gets frustrated when his little brother wants to “hit” on a 20… I can see him teaching his friends blackjack at school and coming home with handfuls of nickels… At least its helping with his addition skills…