Last week I was driving with Crappy Baby in the car.
When I saw the traffic on the freeway I muttered something under my breath:
He wanted clarification.
So I lied:
He was quiet for a moment. I carried on with my other thoughts. Then he said:
Oops.
———————–
I must be censoring myself more if the best Crappy Baby has ever repeated is “oh shit” because Crappy Boy was much more skilled at swearing by this age. Crappy Baby really needs to catch up. I’ll make some flashcards.
Do you have a swearing story?
I almost peed myself a that 🙂
Actually, I am always surprised that he doesn’t cuss more. I am not always the best and catching myself and censoring.
oh yes. same situation…in the car, some stupid lady cut me off. I said many bad words and my then 2 year old repeated me clear as day. (and for the rest of the afternoon).
I just had to laugh.
The funny thing is- I hardly EVER swore before having kids…and now…yike! what does that mean??
Ditto! I now use language I’d never have thought I would. Eventhough I put much more effort into curbing it.
I wasn’t that much of a curser before I enlisted in the Army five years ago. Now, they seem to be my favorite adjectives 🙁 Hubby and I really need to start learning to censor ourselves before our little one is born.
My hubs is in the Army and the fact that my now 3 year old made it to a few weeks ago without picking up any bad words from daddy is a miracle!
Haha, we’ve just been going through this with our 4 year old. I’m surprised we got to 4 before anything to be honest. We didn’t even know she’d overheard a swear until she turned to the dog the other day and very clearly said “Fuck off Milo”.
The sad thing is she’s been going to speech therapy as her sounding of some letters isn’t great yet and this was the clearest sentence she’s ever said, and it’s not exactly one we can go boast about to the speech therapist!
HA HA!!! That’s hilarious 🙂
Oh my, that made me choke laughing! How typical!
That is hilarious!
AHAHA! omg… that just got me…I can picture it now…and what a skillful use of the word in context!
Lmao.
Susie – go ahead and tell her speech therapist! You think that’s the worst she’s ever heard? A good clear sentence is a good clear sentence!
This is the best thing I’ve ever heard–ROFL!!!
Susie: Holy moly… I think water just came out my nose! I would totally brag to the speech therapist… At least she said it clear as day!
rofl. and I can’t explain to the children why I’m laughing!
That is so funny! To hear a little kid say that out of the blue would have been hilarious.
I’m a speech therapist and I love this story. You should definitely tell her!!
Haha, thanks everyone, we’ve actually just found out our speech therapist is leaving and we’re getting another, might have to wait and see how we get on with the new one first. 😉
my 5 year old has speech difficulty due to a tongue tie, but I kinda don’t want to get it fixed until he can learn to censor himself! …yes, we have set a bad example..he knows way to many colorful adjectives!
My son is seeing a speech therapist and it always baffled me, those moments of clear perfect pronounciation when nothing else he said was ever clear. Once, when he was 2, he was having trouble saying “stop” when we were at a stop sign. He was saying “stuh” or “pots”. Then I said “it’s an octagon” and he said “octagon!” clear as day.
OK, everyone in the office just looked at me & totally knows that I’m not laughing because of work. Oh Crap. *!@#!!!
My four year old swears with artful precision and perfect timing. If it weren’t something that I knew I shouldn’t be proud of…I’d be remarkably proud of him. Thank goodness his sister isn’t talking yet. We’re trying to be a bit more careful, now…
My son was in the bath, counting foam shapes. He had lined them all on the glass and counted to 19. He proudly looks at me and says “Mama, 19! Holy shit!” I laughed so hard; I had to text my husband at the office 🙂
LOL! thats a cute one!
It is always the driving for me too! I said asshole once when my daughter was three about another car that cut me off. I thought for sure she’d repeat it forever!
When my now 4 year old was about 2, I was told at daycare pick up one afternoon that he was singing “shit shit shit” around the room in the morning. Oh Lordy – and of course, my husband blamed me for his.
And I do think our mouths are a bit cleaner second go-around. I mean, we have to watch out for the 4/5 year olds. And we KNOW they catch on quick!
My brother (a gamer) lived with us for a while, and would forget that though he couldn’t hear us with his headphones on while blowing things up online, we could certainly hear him… anyway, Miss 5 dropped something one day and said “oh (rhymes with flying duck)”. I said “what??”, and she said ” ‘flying duck’, I dropped it”… hasn’t repeated since, though!!
My son and his grandfather like calling each other names… I strongly disapprove, but it is not MY father, and I don’t go there. So the old man calls my son a “dirtbag” and my son looks at him “oh yeah, well you’re a douchebag” Pop “where’d you learn that?” “oh.. my mom says it in the Wal-Mart parking lot when people steal her spot” Needless to say I got an angry phone call.. and my only response was “well.. don’t call him a dirtbag and he wont call you a douche… I curse sometimes… Oh well…
LOL. That’s actually quite funny. I love your reply.
LOL! you go girl! that cracks me up!
CLASSIC!
well.. they shouldn’t call a 5 year old names. They also call him “punlaid” which I probably spelled wrong but it means “fag” or something along those lines in portuguese.. so he goes and calls other people it now.. Including my gay uncle that. It was pretty awkward. So I’m glad he called him a douche. At least he sticks up for himself!
Love it!
Ha ha, I keep telling my husband if I’m not careful our son’s first word will be douchebag. I use it all the time while driving.
That is a truly awesome post. My father-in-law likes to talk more “roughly” than I think he should. My son enjoys it, but it’s just too much badgering.
My daughter says “fucking” a lot…eesh.
I’ve been trying to turn it into “ducky”…we’ll see how that goes…
We went from “fucking” to “friggen” and damn to “dang” and my son sits in the back seat playing his video game “oh dang!”
One morning, I was chasing my 2.5 year old around. She was yelling NAKED BABY while I tried to get her dressed for daycare. My son (3.5) popped his head in her room and said ‘why is Maggie being a pain in the ass, mama?’. Whoops.
My daughter is 22 months and just started repeating us. I’m not used to this. I mumbled, “shit” the other day. Fortunately, she thought that I said, “achoo” so I told her that’s exactly what Mommy said.
I just found your blog last week and LOVE it. I think I’ve read all of your posts and can’t wait each day to see if you have a new one. 🙂
When my son was little and just learning how to talk he couldn’t say “truck” properly. He got the uck part right, but the tr part came out as f. And since he loves trucks, he said it a lot. I was constantly mortified at the library, grocery store, in front of my parents, you name it. I spent my time explaining to everyone he talked to.
My 2.5 yo daughter is the same way. “firef$cks” are her favorite. But “dum f$cks” (dump trucks) are a close second. My son got so annoyed with her the other day, he yelled “it’s TRuck not f&ck!! F$ck is not even a real word, just a made up word that babies use when they can’t say truck.”
LMAO! Firef$cks and dumf$cks! Oh, wow. That’s awesome, as is your son’s response. This made my day.
LMAO at your sons response… “Not even a real world, just made up word that babies use when they can’t say truck.” Gotta love that innocence.
LOL at your son! 🙂
Our only curses so far are also mispronounced words. I don’t know how because we have yet to get very good at censoring ourselves. My favorite is sock, which now starts with a c. He loves talking about his socks or showing them off. Frog sounds like f$ck and for the longest time Get Down sounded like God…something. 🙂
My 2 year old son does this too – “shirt” is “dirt” and “sock” starts with a hard c . Which led to much uncontrollable laughter when he saw my husband getting his socks on and commented on the size of his father’s…feet…
In our family we have lorries for that very reason 🙂 We do have a similar misprounciation problem, though – any s* combination turns into f, which leads to statements such as ‘I f*ck (smack) you coz you naughty!’. Wrong, so wrong coming from a 2 year old!
LOL Don’t feel bad, my little brother did the same thing with the word truck. He also went through a phase where everything that was impressive was a “big one daddy whatever”. Giant spider? Big one daddy spider and so on. Well in the Jack in the Box one day an eighteen wheeler pulled in front of the window and he stood on his chair, very impressed and announced to the whole place, rather loudly, “Look! A big one daddy f*ck!” My mom was mortified. It’s been about 22 years and I STILL can’t stop laughing about it.
Ha ha! that’s great :o)
Omg, my 3.5 says f@ck for truck too! His big brother uses it as a party trick: “Say truck”
Ugh, we have the mispronunciation problem too… My son says a few words backwards… “snow” is “nose” which isn’t so bad, but “fish” can be “shif”, “shish,” or plain “shi”! It’s pretty awful (ly funny) when he asks for fish sticks… lol!
My little boy likes Thomas the Train, and the character Percy, doesn’t sound quite like Percy when a 4 year old says it.
Hahaha! Same here…we let him take Percy to preschool for share day. I’m sure the teachers loved it, I giggled as he stuffed the train into his backpack! I’m pretty mature, I know.
Love it. My 2 and half year old is very adept at using the phrase “Dammit” as in “Dammit Mommy, my DVD isn’t here”, “Dammit. I spilled all my ice cream” and “Dammit, my hat is all unhooked”. She uses it so appropriately it’s hard to get mad. Proper usage of curse words is so hard to teach these days.
LOL! I love the proper usage of curse words! I give the younger people at work a hard time all the time. “How exactly does that word/phrase apply to this situation?”
LOVE it. At 2, my son (now 5), cursed a lot.. and it was always at the right time. he’d drop something and say “oh SHIT!!” or one day at 3he forgot something and we get out to the car and I was like “wheres your leapster?” “in the house” and I sighed a little annoyed that I had to run back up the flight of stairs and he said “oh fuck it” “what?!?!?!” “FORGET IT MOMMY”.. If someone angered him (or cut us off in the car..) “asshole” so it as ALWAYS at the perfect times which made it funny.. and its one of those moments where I’d have to turn my head and cover my face and laugh while trying to correct the swear.
I thought we were doing okay…then my husband hit his hand and said “Son of a…” and trailed off. The four year old looked up and helpfully offered “bitch?”
Bwahahaha – out of the mouths of babes, right?
LOL… I love it!!!
My son was 2 at the time and we just moved in to our new home. My hubby was in the spare bed room putting together a bed and he scratched the new floor. My son came up stairs as proud as could be, looked at me and said “Me a c*cksucker Mommy”!!! Nice right? Thats what you want your 2 year old saying! LOL
that is so rad
My baby is only 10 months, so no good stories yet. However, she could take after her dad…. His first word was “Hot” (couldn’t keep his hands away from the stove). His dad’s a Scotsman with the requisite fiery temper, so his second word was “Shit”. Of course, his first sentence combined these two words…
When my firstborn was 10 months old we had a friend that thought it was hilarious to teach him how to use his middle finger. So on his very first Christmas, Grandpa grabbed the video camera to record the momentous occasion, and my son proudly held up his middle finger to the camera!
When my daughter was about twowe were at Christmas with the side of the family that is mostly older folks and aren’t exactly kid friendly. In the middle of all the adult discussion going on it got suddenly quiet and you can her my sweet blue eyed angel yell “Damnit!” at the toy she was playing with in the floor.
I wanted to melt into the floor.
Too funny!!
On the way to church (!), I uttered a “God Dammit” in response to someone who cut me off. My then 2-year-old repeated it delightfully the rest of the trip. I was terrified he’d go into the church nursery screaming it. But then I started saying, “Gesundheit!” with the same inflection I did to say the other words and managed to get him to switch his phrase before walking in. *Phew* I figured no one would really care if he was saying the equivalent of “Bless you!” I’d even pretend to sneeze if it would help :).
YES! My husband and I like to watch Jeopardy (nerds) after dinner with our 3 year old son. My husband will occasionally say a bad word or two when he gets the answers wrong. Now my little guy yells out “DAMMIT!!” whenever Jeopardy is on, like he has tourette’s…
I remember my younger brother having that almost Tourette’s-like response to football games. He spent an afternoon with my uncle and my dad watching a game, and from then on, anytime a football game was on TV, he’d run up next to the television and stamp his foot, shake his fist, and shout, “SSSSSIT! SSSSSIT!” (not so good at the “sh” sound at that age, thank goodness)
I thought it was hilarious when I was younger, but now that I have 21-mo-old twin boys, I’m hoping daily that they aren’t picking up the words that come out of MY mouth!
HAHAHA this made me laugh, I think I must be censoring myself LESS! My eldest, the worst he heard was “oh sh…..ugar” same with my middle son. My youngest whos just turned two walks around going “bloody things, for god sake, oh shit” I am just SO glad Nanny is a little hard of hearing and cant quite understand what he says yet!
My toddler has said “F*ck!” on several occasions and she always says it very loudly when we are in a quiet place of course, such as an aisle of the grocery store. One day she asked for a piece of chocolate (we were working on please and thank you), and I said, “What do you say?” She thought for a second and then said very happily said, “F*ck!” Ummmmm…no that’s not what we say, we say please :/
lol. omg. seriously laughed out loud on that one. My coworkers must think I’m nuts. “what are you laughing about?” “oh this little girl just said f*ck instead of please!”
At around two, my daughter was singing “Fuck, fuck fuck, fuck fuck” in a happy little tune. I have since taught her that “fuck” is a grown-up word. So now (nearly age three), once in a while, she’ll say, “Fuck is a grown-up word, mama.”
My sweet little stroy about cussing it my nephew. On the way from my home town to where I live down travel is 5 hours. There is one river the pass over called South Southerland Bridge and used to sounds like my nephew was saying south son-of-a-__th. used to crack me up until I had kids and I’m now getting the pay back.
For some unknown reason my daughters grade one teacher taught all the kids the correct terms for female animals.Mine picked it up real quick.She stood on the front porch and screamed,”Get in the house bitch!” when she wanted the dog to come in.Thank you Mrs.Penwell.
Oh my I laughed so hard with this one!!!
this is why I’m not a teacher. my payback for having to spend all day with other people’s kids would probably be something like this too, lol!
Too funny!!!
OMG That’s hilarious!!!
LMAO!! Funniest comment EVER! “Get in the house, b$tch!” haha!
Awesome. I wish I lived near you.
loveit!
OMG this has me tearing up I”m laughing so hard!!!
The other day, my 2 year old son fell off his 4wheeler and said, Oh Crap. My husband and I were secretly hysterical.
My daughter was three weeks shy of turning 4 when we gathered to celebrate my father’s birthday. When she saw the frosty ice cream cartons she asked if they were cold. I told her yes, at which time she grabbed one and exclaimed “THEY’RE FUXXING COLD!”
I was driving with my little guy who was around 3 at the time and I had to slam on the brakes because of another driver. I uttered a heartfelt “Holy Shit!” only to hear this little voice from the backseat ask “mommy, what’s holy shit?”
The same boy also used to get frustrated when he could not reach something and would say “oh trap!” I started laughing the first time I heard him say it because he was still having problems pronouncing the hard “c” sound and what he was really trying to say was “oh crap!”
I’m going to start using “oh, trap!”.
I did this just the other day! Except we were on the changing table and our little girl really hasn’t made it a habit yet to start repeating us. So when I uttered “oh, shit” I didn’t think anything about it until she said “oh, shut” after me……my exact thought after that was “Ooops!” …..My husband thought it was really funny considering I’m the one who hardly ever says stuff like that.
We have a “swearing in the car” rule. This is the only place where the spawn is allowed to repeat words heard. One that stands out in my mind was when it was a bad day on the road and I’d asked myself (out loud), “What is it? A*****e driver day?” and from the back I hear “Yep!”.
Thankfully she doesn’t repeat anything but in the car so our rule seems to be working so far! (just watch her say something today now I’ve said this!)
That’s hilarious! Love the “swearing car” thing, haha! But what about when grandma rides along? LOLOL
oh, I like that rule! goes right along with the rule for booger picking and penis grabbing stays in the privacy of the bathroom or bedroom. no sense outlawing it, might as well keep it contained!
RIGHT??! I am SO glad to hear somebody else say that. lol.
That is too funny!! I think the “Yep!” would have just killed me . 😉
my word is fuck. I dropped his shoe… fuck.. for a while. Dads word is shit. Shit, we left his sippy…. shit. for a while….
one day 19 month old son dropps something and says “Fuck, shit” and I laughed and dad scowled. He wasnt as proud as I was that son used them both in the correct context =)
I used to nanny for a little boy who’s dad said “shit” all the time. So, he said it, but he didn’t know what it meant. So one day to break him of the habit I asked him what he’d said after he couldn’t get into a locked fence. He was dead quiet and so I suggested something for him, “Did you say ‘sit’? You think we should sit down for a while since we can’t get in where you want to go?” It totally worked.
This same kid one day turned to his mom while she was in the back seat with him and I was about to pull into rush hour traffic and… clear as day (unlike the rest of his speech at that point) said, “F**k you, Mommy!” And BEAMED at her!
No swears, but when my daughter was crying and wanted to be nursed my husband was holding her and said jokingly (as if it were her words) “show me the boobies!” My 2 year old piped up with a perfect echo “Show me boobies!!!” Luckily he never said it again…
Very funny!
Once while driving, we hit some road construction. Me: “oh no more construction!” From the backseat I hear my then-3-year-old say “dammit!” Because, well, that’s what you say in that situation, right?
Totally! I hear my son say things like “I’ve had enough! Dammit!” -I’m sure I’ve said that from time to time…
Hehe!! Well than why did he ask?? My oldest was riding in the back of the car and saw a truck pulling a white horse trailer waiting at the stop sign of a side street we were coming upon. While lost in my grocery list I heard, “what the hell is that white thing?” from the back seat. In my head I said no, that’s not what he just said so I calmly said “what?” as if I didn’t hear. He says back to me “I said, what the hell is that white thing” in an almost annoyed voice. Huh??? He was 3!
At least in my house, it’s come full-circle. The eldest, whose near-first words included “oh shit” (gasp, baby, you only dropped a weeble people) is now frantically policing up the younger siblings when they refer to their “good sandwich” as “God dammit” – which you’re right honey, that does sound a lot like “words only for angry grown-ups”.
It gets worse as they get older, my seven year old son is always ratting out his ten year old sister, last week he came in and in his sing song tell tell voice said, “Mom, Emily said the C word”, my husband and I almost died, I asked “What word?” And he said, “You know! Crap! ” Husband and I did a huge sigh of relief!!!
omg! Close call! yikes!
Haha, we have the same thing! Only it’s my 10-yr-old tattling on his 8-yr-old brother: “Mom, Z said the “S” word!” Umm, excuse me?!? “You know, STUPID.” Lol!!
We don’t swear at our house, so my 2 year old hasn’t intentionally sworn. A few months ago in church he was saying “stuck” which at that time sound exactly like a word that he should NOT be saying…especially in church. He followed it up with “sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry.” Luckily everyone around us knew he was saying “stuck” and we all laughed really hard. 🙂
My Aunt once slipped and called a fellow freeway traveler an “a55hol@”, my cousins of course asked..”what did you say??”. She quickly responded with.. “did you see that gaspole?” I can only hope that I could come up with such a speedy response if I should have such an accident… For all I know my cousins still think there are gaspoles..
HAHAHAHAHAA, gaspole!
It never occurred to me that I swore around the kids until one of them asked me one day “Mummy why did you say foxeight?”
*cringes*
I figured it was better that they appear to watch too much tv than the alternative 😀
Someone cut me off in traffic, forcing me to mutter, “JESUS!” I’ve been SOOO good with my 3 year old in the car, but this time, it slipped out. Asshole. Anyway, she said, “What, Jesus, Mommy?” I said, “Didn’t you see that truck? The back was FULL of cheeses! That’s SO silly!” She looked, “saw the truck,” laughed and said, “That’s so silly! A truck full of cheeses!” I was immensely fucking proud of myself.
Ha! If the “Christ” part ever comes out, just tell her it was cheese & rice. 😉
Immensely fucking proud! 😀
When my daughter was three she went up to me in the kitchen and in her sweetest voice said, “May I have some fucking juice please?”
I’m not much for censoring or scolding for it. They hear swearing from movies we watch and occasionally from me and their dad and our friends. I just let the kids know that many grown ups are offended by swear words so they shouldn’t use them in front of them or their kids unless they know they don’t mind (some don’t). And they never have. 🙂
Still, the juice thing was so funny how naturally and sweetly it came out of her mouth at three. LOL
My two year old walked into a corner shop. Her father pointed out the lollies. She yelled, clear as a bell for everyone to hear, “fuck! I love lollies”.
Niiiiiiiiiiiiice!
OMG I just laughed out loud.
Now that , is f*cking awesome! Perfectusage 😉
our three year old – Colin – learned it from my dad when Grandpa realized he had a flat. Colin’s repeated it a few times and is now aware that we’d rather he didn’t say it. Now he’ll say “Oh no! … I didn’t say “Oh Shit” mommy!”
My son does something similar. We will scold him for saying something like “damnit” by going, “Don’t say that word”. And he will respond, “Don’t say damnit? I didn’t say damnit.”
My husband is so good at censoring himself with the kids and I…am not. When my daughter was three she was riding alone with my husband when someone cut him off in traffic and he got visibly upset. Daughter asked “what’s wrong daddy.” And in a very measured tone, he said That. Man.Was. Driving. In. An. Unsafe. Way.” From her 5-point-harnessed perch she said “Oh, you mean that man is an asshole.”
Where’s the “like” button!? Awesome.
Oh my goodness, I literally just peed. I feel your pain, believe me. my daughter will be 4 at the end of May and I am truly blessed that she isn’t a repeater! However…one day a few months ago we were at the grocery store standing in line at the deli. She says to me “Mommy, I want sharp cheese.” ME: “ok, well you have to wait, it’s not our turn yet.” Zoey: “Oh for the love of Christ!” ME: “WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY??????????” (everyone in the store was staring at us…she wasn’t exactly quiet about it, and I was extremely embarrassed.) She responds with “I said, I really love crust Momma!” i couldn’t even think of yelling at her. The little bugger covered her @ss so well, what was I supposed to do? Besides, I give her mad props for coming up with something that fast! As did most of the other moms at the deli. LOL
I’m impressed! lol
Sh– is one that frequently comes out of my mouth. And the littlest always repeats it right after I say it in question form. I then tell him that’s a no-no word, to which he gives me a stern look and says “No bad word, Mama!”
Having a really bad day, I rounded on DS1 who is 3.5 and told him his behaviour had to stop because he was pissing me off. He looked me in the eye with an angry look and said, “No Mummy, you’re pissing ME off!” Had to laugh, which broke the mood of the day and everything was better. Still not fessed that up to DH.
Love this!
love it, so true ! recently on a trip I had a couple hours of just sitting and talking with my almost 4 year old. out of no-where he asks me “Mom, what are the words I am not supposed to say?”
lol, i didn’t fall for that.
we are pretty good at censoring ourselves, so one one of our first date nights during the ‘toddler repeating everything you say’ phase, we got in the car and all we wanted to do was shout swear words for no reason at all. I think our entire conversation on the way to the restaurant was littered with 4 letter words, just because we could
One day we were shopping and my then 3 year old daughter started loudly saying “which bitch which bitch which bitch” over and over again…I think she just liked the sound of the rhyme and had no idea what she was saying…but I could NOT get her to be quiet!!
Yup, last night, in fact. Right at the stupid f’in driver in the g*d-d*mn crowded parking lot!
Worse thing is…. I didn’t even realize my potty mouth until I got the car parked and turned around to tell my daugther to take off her selt belt (she’s 6 YO).
Luckily, she stayed quiet. Probably terrified. Mind you, just this weekend, her and her 10 YO brother were telling our friends that “Mom swears all the time, more than Dad ever does.”
Somewhat ironically, we were all sitting around the kitchen last night when my daughter got herself a pudding cup from the cupboard. Nobody noticed she was struggling to open it, so she yelled out in frustration. We all looked at her, her Dad asked her what her problem was, and she said, “I can’t open this f*ckin’ pudding!”. We all just started in disbelief. “What?! Mom says it all the time.” Whoops .
I love when my boy copies me- until he started say Woopsie Daisy and I couldn’t believe I actually say that phrase! But now I wish he would go back to that instead of the Dammit he uses now ☺
My son was almost two when somebody cut me off and I had to stop short. I said “son of a……” and he promptly finished my sentence for me. Whoops.
The summer before last, when my son was almost 4, my mom picked him and my other kids up from a wedding we were attending, to have a sleepover (so mommy and daddy could drink lots!). lol Anyway, she had to slow the van down because someone was jay-walking. My son’s response: “Daddy says ‘use a crosswalk, asshole!'”.
LMFAO! The. Best. Cursing. Ever.
Omfg! Flippin awesome!!
where is the like button? perfect on so many levels! 😉
Oh the many stories I have! On top of the few slips myself or DH have, we also have an absent minded roommate. one day in the bath I squirted bubbles on the wall, thinking my boy would laugh. instead he squealed delightedly and loudly exclaimed “oh F**k”!
I wish I could say that’s it. its not. now he saves the swearing for when he’s out in public! Hooray
I started self-censoring as soon as I found out I was pregnant. But even though every word is carefully “g” rated, I still get “Momma, what’s WRONG with you” from the backseat. Great. Now I have to censor my attitude on top of my language.
When my 1st son was around 2, maybe 2 and a half, he was bouncing a ball, but as it bounced up it smacked his finger, he gave the ball a dirty look and quickly exclaimed, angrily “f@#k you ball!” Oops, lol, thankfully it happened at home and no one else heard, haha.
hahaha!! I almost spit my tea out! What a great reaction! hahah!
Oh boy. I am going to have to watch myself. I have a six month old boy. I can only imagine what he will pick up from me. I tend to have a mouth of a sailor when I drive. I live in the Phoenix area. We have a lot of “snowbirds” who come in the winter for the nice weather. I tend to yell “I HATE FUCKING OLD PEOPLE” a lot when driving in the winter… I can see it now, an older person walks up to him to start conversation, and he repeats it. I think I’ll just smile and say “Me too!” and walk away. 😉
Lmao! I live here too and dread what my 15 month old will say one day.
My son was sent to the corner for a time out, and he said “But I want to watch the fucking movie”. He was three. It was the first time he swore and I admit, I had to stifle my giggles.
When my daughter was about 2, we were driving home and a car was tailing me closely. I looked into the rear view mirror and said, “Get off my ass!” My darling daughter turned around to look and said, “Mommy? Car on your ass?”
And then when she was about 6, I had the after school care people tell me she was poking the ground with a stick saying “Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck…” Over and over again.
My fault.
My eldest’s first sentence was ‘Bugg’rit’ (we’re English) when she dropped a Jaffa Cake on the floor. Totally appropriate in that case but still she was only about 15m…..
When my oldest was four and youngest was one…we were sitting at the dinner table, and dinner was chicken, rice and peas. Big Kid was disappointed in dinner, and even more so that he had to try peas. We’re eating in silence, when suddenly Big Kid points to his plate and screams out “You fuck!!!!” Dead silence. Daddy and Mommy: “WHATDIDYOUJUSTSAY????” Yep, he said it again. Daddy informed him that it was a VERY bad word, and that he was too young to use it. Then, when prodded as to where he learned it, you guessed it….”I heard it from Mommy.” Tire tracks up and down my back from being thrown under the bus.
clear as day, last year my then 5 year old said “mommy is F$#@ a bad word?” I just looked at her and said “go ask your father!”
Ha! I asked my mom the exact same thing when I was in Kindergaten. She responded with a stern “Yes, and I don’t want to ever hear you say it again.” “Oh. Okay.”
Come to think of it, I don’t think I ever did say it around her again, even as an adult (she passed away a few years ago).
(Kindergarten-me asked her because I saw it graffiti-ed in the playground and I think another kid saw me staring at it and told me it was a bad word – so of course I had to ask my mom since I don’t think I trusted that kid).
My 22 month old has problems with the letter S. He loves crabsticks (DICK) and Fireman Sam (DAM).
He is just moving on to forming full sentences, but for a while he has just repeated either “dick” or “dam” over and over again (until we catch on and get it / turn on the TV for “Fireman Sam”).
Greatest toddler cuss ever. Naomi was 3 and Emily was 1. Emily thought stealing the bottom block from Naomi’s tower and watching the whole thing collapse was funny. Naomi got fed up after the 3rd time and yelled, “EMILY! If you don’t stop it, I’m gonna kick yer @$$!!!!” Hubby and I don’t cuss at all, but she’d heard it on one of my hubby’s favorite shows… we didn’t watch that show anymore after that. rofl
I remember dropping something while dishing up dinner.
“Oh, ssss…. sugar!”
“No, Mummy”, pipes up Daughter, then aged 3. “Shit!” (She is 25 now)
One of my son’s first words was, “oh shit.” >.< I tried to ignore it hoping if I didn't acknowledge his colorful word that it would be less exciting for him to use. My husband would always acknowledge it with "don't say that!" or "what?!" When the in-laws visited my then 2yr old used his colorful vocab and needles to say I was the one who was blamed despite the fact my husband is military and every-other word from his mouth is a curse.
Oh the dreaded blame. My husband and I both swear prolifically, but whenever my son (5) decides to swear he blames me. “Oh, mommy says that…” WTF?
My kids hear swears all the time (not always by me) and sometimes say the nasty words themselves. And I just ask them to clairify what they have said and if they repeat the swear I explain to them all (they are 5, 3, and 17 months) that those are adult words and they may use them all they wish when they are adults but as long as they are kids they may not use them! This method seems to work well in my house. Although I am the only parent in the house so they can’t run to “daddy” and get a different result if I punish them for it either.
i had always had a close relationship with my mother and one of th ethings we reveled in was making up new swear words ans using them to make each other laugh uncontrolably. When my daughter was born we made a huge effort to keep this to ourselves promising we would let her in the swearing club as a teenager. When my daughter was 1 my mother passed away. Needless to say there was a lot of swearing on my part over the next six months but never in front of her. At 18 months she climbed into my lap and said Fuck, fuck, fuck, I miss Granma Lynn. I said I miss her too but I think you are channeling her right now.
My then 2-y-o heard me saying god dammit in the car when I got cut off and immediately picked it up. So when, a few weeks later, I took him to my sister’s while I was going away, my only rule was to not use that phrase as he would parrot it. Well, at a softball game for her daughter, my brother-in-law dropped something and said “gosh darn it” to which my son replied: “Didn’t you mean god dammit uncle rex?”
Pretty much the same thing happened to me. Driving one day through some contruction where our little side street was down to one lane. I was stopped to wait for the guy who was driving in my lane to go by but he stayed in my lane, barreling at me head on until the very last second and then swerved. I said, “What the fuck?” and my sweet little daughter goes, “What did you just say” and I said “Uh, um….” and she said, “Because it sounded like you said “What the fuck”” And I said, “Oh, no…I said “What the FART?” I shouldn’t have said that…that was inappropriate.” and she giggled because “Fart” is a bad word in our family. Phew.
My daughter always wanted to go to “Fucky Fried Chicken”. She’s an adult now and would kill me if she knew I was telling the Internet that.
Oh my lord. i just spat my tea out LMAO sort if scared now, my husband swears like a truckie this will be interesting.
That made me laugh-cry.
In Germany, when KFC began opening restaurants over there, a common joke was to call the restaurant Kentucky Schreit Ficken (rhyming, of course, with Kentucky Fried Chicken)… translates to “Kentucky Screams Fucking”. Oh, dear.
Luckily my 5 year old hasn’t repeated much of what I have to say. But, I am a firefighter/paramedic, and we were at a Touch A Truck event when a father walked up with his very cute 3-4 year old, who was in awe of our engine. We went to say Hi, an he very loudly said “Daddy! Look at the fire fuck! I want to get in the fire fuck!” His poor dad almost melted into the pavement, and explained that his son was still working on his T sounds. We were all laughing hard so hard we were close to tears, when the little boy emerged from the engine and saw the ladder truck. “Daddy! Another fire fuck!” His dad just shook his head and took the kid over to see the other fire fuck. 🙂
Hahaha… This reminded me of when our son learned how to say dump truck. My husbands favorite trick was to tell our son to go say dump truck to so-and-so. My son pronounced it “dumb fuck”.
LOL Our little kids ( we have 13 kids ranging from 16yo down to 11months) were having trouble saying truck, changing the tr to f. Every garbage day, they would run to the windows yelling, “I hear the fucks! I hear the fucks!” And of course the tweens and teens *loved* that!
My daughter thought the name of the vacuum cleaner was “B*00d& Thing” when she was a kid – and our 2 year old copied dad with a “F*ing Cow” while he was on a rant.
My daughter is now 5 and I was sooo good about not dropping the f-bomb until about six months ago when she caught me. Same as your crappy boy, she was like, “What did you say?” So I thought quickly and said, “I said FARK!” and she said, “No, you didn’t. You said F*CK!” Ugh. So I confessed, admitted I did, and then made the worst mistake ever by telling her it’s a terrible word that she should never, ever say, because of course she now says it all the time.
In fact, just yesterday she said, “Penis is the best word in the whole f*cking world!”
Nice. I hope the thrill is gone soon.
My 2 year old… “Mama. Dada say shit. I say not to say shit. He did say shit. I won’t say shit. Shit not nice. I am a little girl and I not say shit anymore. You say shit mama?”. She was little, bald and had the teensiest voice ever. Can you just hear it? 😉
Aww, that is so cute!! Self-censoring by using the offending word over and over. LOL… did she stop after that?
🙂 she is three now and likes to talk about the time she said the “s” word a bunch of times. It’s becoming family lore…
Reminds me of the time my son (3 at the time) informed his grandma that he “isn’t allowed to say “shit” anymore.” You know, because I used to let him!
I try to keep the swearing to a minimum, but with my 4th and youngest child, I SWEAR that boy hears everything and repeats it exactly. The #1 example is when we were driving down the road and I got cut off for something like the 3rd or 4th time and my son goes “Holy fucking SHIT Mom! What the hell is the matter with those people? That space in front of us is NOT meant for that jerk off!” 5 very not nice words, in like 5 seconds. Sheesh. Clearly, I do not watch my mouth close enough!
My husband slammed on the brakes when some one cut him off and thankfully yelled out “Woa buddy!” Our 16 month old daughter repeated a perfect “Woa buddy!” in return, continuously saying it all the way home. We were both very greatfull it wasn’t a swear word because at 2 it is still her favorite phase.
I call other [jerky] drivers “Dude!” and I think my daughter believes it is a swear word! She says it in a sort of awed voice.
I have been known to use fun colorful language to curse like a sailor. One catchy and totally un-PC phrase I have is, “Jesus Christ!” when something angers or surprises me. Yes, I’m sure I’ve already offended some of you. Unfortunately my 3 year old began using it in the same manner. So I told him he was saying it wrong and corrected him, “Jesus Pie” instead – at least I could get rid of the Christ part, right? He knew I was lying. So now when he yells Jesus Pie, he gives me a sideways look and a smile as if to say, yeah, you’re still in trouble for teaching me this.
Change it to “Cheese and Rice” Still not really the best thing for a kid to be yelling but better than the alternative!
Yeah, my son (almost 3) was playing with his cars yesterday, and when they ran into each other–as they often do in his car play, because accidents are *awesome*–he would hiss “oh dammit!” repeatedly. We’ve also had a proper-context use of “oh shit”, when he dropped his sippy in the car last summer. It’s hard to get mad, because little kids cussing is downright adorable.
My 3 year old has taken to saying “HOLY SHIT!” when he sees something that excites him…
Oh, I thought of another one…I was spending the day with my son at his (Christian) preschool and the kids were getting to watch a puppet show in the big commons area. All of the cute little preschoolers were sitting there waiting for the show to start and it was surprisingly quiet.
All of a sudden a little boy in front of me stands up, turns around, and shouts loudly to his teacher, “Mrs. XXX, John said “Fuckin!” I almost died…I was trying to hard not to laugh and the poor sweet teacher just calmly said, “we’ll talk about it later.” I still giggle about it whenever I see little John…I never did tell his mom. 🙂
I was having lunch with my brother and daughter during a time when we were trying to teach her not to interrupt adult conversations for every little thing. My brother was in the middle of a story, and when she tried to interrupt, I ignored her and held up my hand in our “please don’t interrupt” sign. Finally she got totally fed up and blurts “I said, ‘pass the fucking ketchup.'” Horrified and offended as only a 23-year-old non-parent can be, my brother asked me what I was going to do about such egregious behavior. My answer: I guess I’m going to watch my own fucking mouth.
Awesome!
My son’s first few words all kinda sounded the same when he said them. truck, sock, both sounded a whole lot like c*ck.
When my oldest was around 15 months, we went on a road trip to visit my family. We had food in the car for the trip and while my husband was driving, I accidentally knocked over the food container. I said, “Oh shit!” and from the back seat, my baby starting chiming “shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit” in different intonations because he was trying out this brand new word. My husband, without blinking an eye, says “Thank god it wasn’t me who taught him his first swear.”
I have twin girls (12 months old). I like to sing Salt n Pepa to them (I DID grow up in the 80’s afterall). My 4 year old son now sings “Ooo Baby Baby…Ooo Baby Baby…” Its the other lines I am worried about….
It’ll be hillarious when he follows that up with, “get up on this!”
My son doesn’t talk much yet (only 10 months old) but my nephew was apparently paying close attention to me and I didn’t realize it. He was about 2 and in the car with his mom (my sister) and said very clearly, “Aww shit!”. She said she knew it was something he had learned from me becasue he said it exactly like I do. Same tone, same pronunciation…everything. Oops. About a year later we were walking through the parking lot at the county fair and some dude in a truck went flying by. I yelled, “slow down asshole!” and my nephew (same one) yelled, “yeah asshole!”. My sister glared at me the entire way home. Oops.
A few weeks ago my 2.5 year old son dropped something while he was strapped in his car seat and he let out an exasperated “ah, fuck.”. He said it 3 or more times that day and I had no idea how to respond, but he hasn’t said it since.
Around Christmas time, my 2 year old, who didn’t speak much, started clearly saying, “Oh Shit!” every time something went wrong. I was torn between joy of her finally speaking, and making her shush. At one point we were all in the living room, and my niece dropped a goldfish cracker. My daughter stepped on it and shouted, “Oh shit!” very clearly, and everyone busted out laughing. It took a week, but we were able to successfully change it to, “Oh no!”
I got cut off in traffic and yelled Douche Bag! My son said, “Doo bag!”
I laughed so hard.
Of all the things I let slip, that’s the only one he’s ever repeated!
I remember my 2 year old at the time (she is now 8) was an early talker. She was watching my husband put his tools away and then announced quite clearly ‘you forgot one, you arsehole’. My head nearly fell off. She also went through a stage of muttering ‘dickhead’ every time she heard a car horn. My husband would forget to censor his language when he was driving…he still forgets. My 3 year old boy has a knack for hearing any ‘swears’ muttered within a 5 mile radius of him. Then repeating it.
I’ve really enjoyed your blog! My kids are now grown (26 & 17) and we had plenty of those funny moments. My youngest, Sarah was 4 at the time, while visiting my parents one Sunday was helping my mom bring in the stuff from the car after church. The kitchen door got left open so she promptly walked over to the door and proclaimed “my daddy says ‘shut the f**kin’ door the air-in-dishuner (air conditioner) is runnin’!” as she closed the door. Needless to say I got a phone call.
Sitting in the car with my then 2 and a half year old, and he’s mumbling random syllables. Then he’s repeating the same ones over and over; they’re taking shape. Suddenly…’Fucking Bitch. Fucking Bitch.’ And a head nod. He had it.
I acted as if nothing happened. He hasn’t said it again, but that day it was definitely ‘the’ goal! 😀
We were in FL staying at a condo. Some guys had gone through the property and stolen things from carports and the storage areas. They had also vandalized some stuff. The only thing that happened to us was the tire cover off of our SUV was shredded. My husband called the vandles, “Effin’ idiots.” in front of our 3 year old daughter. Of course she started saying “effin idiots” and “effin” this and “effin” that. The way she said it sounded kind of like “pumpkin” so we would just say, “Yes, pumpkin idiots.” Gradually she stopped saying the F-word.
At a little over a1 1/2 my brother got me cussing by bribing me with cookies… “Say mother f*cker and I’ll give you a cookie.”
It worked and I haven’t been able to stop myself since. My husband has to shush me often in public.
I shall read this post and the thread of replies during any rough day.
On that note, my niece’s teacher sent home a picture she drew of her mom seeing a whale at the beach. There was a word bubble above her mom’s head, “hole shit!”. Priceless.
I did exactly the same as you by muttering it under my breath. Imagine my surprise when 10 minutes later my 6 year old asks “Mum. What IS a cocksmoking bogan (aussie term for redneck)?
I told her it was someone who couldn’t drive.
Last weekend, as I was packing a weekend bag for my 4 year old, my husband asked me why my son’s father was being so childish about the pick up location. I told him its because he’s an asshole. My sponge of a son looks at him and says “Yeah, Dennis. Daddy is an asshole. Duh.”
Almost got run off the road by a driver who was texting the other day… I swerved and slammed the brakes, but didn’t yell anything (for once). From my 3.5 year old in the backseat came a very loud “PAY ATTENTION, ASSHOLE! Do you think he heard me, mom?”
Ds (2.9yrs) doesn’t say any real swear words, but he does say “bugger” in kind of a loud whisper. I can’t help but laugh when he says it, especially in context.
Dropped some cereal on his shirt? “bugga!”
Cracks me up everytime…
For my daughters’ 3rd birthday I spent all day making her a strawberry cake with Hello Kitty on it. It was my masterpiece!! For the big candle blowing event, I sat her on my lap with the cake in front of us and while we sang happy birthday my friend was snapping pictures. Just as we finished singing she dug her finger into the icing, stuck it in her mouth and said “MMM, this is fucking good!”… The picture of that moment is PRICELESS. And I have to admit that I was proud of her word usage haha…
One day after putting my teething 11 month old down for a nap I walked out of the room and said to my husband ” your turn to deal with the whiny ass baby”.
Sadly my 4 year old was in the room when I said it and every now and then I hear her refer to her baby sister as “whiny ass baby!”.
Ugh!!! Parenting fail!!
In my house words are merely words if not used against another person…my 3 year old daughter walked into the dinner room chair once, kicked it and said “fucking chair.” Whether or not people agree with my parenting (or in their opinion lack thereof) it was funny and vernacularly correct 🙂
Is it wrong that I am secretly proud when my kids use curse words in a contextually correct manner?!
My 2.5 year old doesn’t bust it out often, but her F bomb’s are well placed.
For instance, driving home from dropping my son at school.
“Mama, I don’t wanna go home!”
“Mama? Let me outta da’ car!”
“MAMA!! Get. Me. Outta. Dis. Fucking! Car.”
“Mama? Mama? Why you laughing?”
It’s hard to leave a fun first grade class.
LOVE IT!
My sister in law was telling me the other day about how my nephew called my niece a “wanker”. When she told him off he said “I didn’t think it was a bad word because Daddy says it all the time” which made me laugh.
My husband’s favourite insult is “douchebag” (thank you, Tony Soprano). Got sick of hearing it, plus our little guy is learning to talk, so I’ve started insisting he say “diaper bag” instead. I think it’s a better curse any way; diaper bag=full of shit.
I have a friend who enjoyed the insult “dirty dog”. How nice of him, my children picked this up and when they went to their father’s for a weekend he asked them to do something and my 4 year old sighed and just said “you’re a dirty dog Daddy”. Not good, eventually managed to stop them saying it and then one morning watching a kids show I hear a song come from the TV “You’re a dirty dog” – apparently there was a dog that needed a bath. Sigh.
I remember learning my first swear word. My dad was shaving, and I asked him something… and he said “Did you just say “Ass”?! That started me saying “Ass” all the time, writing “Ass” on everything I could (even the side of my sisters hood… That my mom didn’t notice until after she walked me and my sister to a CATHOLIC school, right past a nun who probably fainted soon after…) I still love the word “ass”. I call everyone an “ass”. Ass ass ass ass ass. 😀
My oldest daughter informed my MIL that “Daddy left off again”. My fault for trying (badly) to censor myself by saying “F’d off” instead of the *actual* word. Oops.
My daughter isn’t talking yet, but I have an old VHS home video of myself at age four repeating a choice phrase. We were on vacation in Disneyworld playing in the pool. My mother was videotaping and she sees me standing off to the side and she says, “Let me see you swim!” to which I reply, “I’m sick of your bullsh*t.” She says, “What did you say?” And I turn toward the camera slightly and a little louder say, “I’m sick of your bullsh*t.” With conversation like that being picked up by a four year old it’s no wonder my parents were divorced four years later… ;o)
When my eldest was about 4 I said “son of a!” but I didn’t finish it. She looks up at me with big doe eyes and says ever so sweetly “bitch, mama?” D’OH In my defense I typically say biscuit so I’m thinking she got that one from DH but I’ve definitely said worse in front of the kids.
LOL how helpful!
OMG, reading all these stories has made my day.
When my daughter was two, she was stomping all around the house muttering, “F#ck! F#ck, f#ck, F#CK!” I asked her what she said to make sure I heard her correctly, and she repeated it. “F#CK.”
“Why are you saying that?” I asked her.
She turned and looked at me very seriously and said, “That’s what you say when you can’t find your scissors.”
Oops. I guess it is.
When my daughter was 18-months-old we were driving to a friend’s house for lunch when someone cut us off. Before either my husband or I could say anything we hear “Suma ma bitch!” My husband looks at me because he knows I’m the guilty party. I was mortified! LOL
I think it’s more fun that my kids say the alternatives. 🙂 “Dag nab it” “Oh gosh” “Dawn it” etc. There’s something adorable about all that. There’s something cute about my 4 year old telling the kid at the playground “You mean ‘gosh darn'”
I have 4 girls, the oldest is 5 and will not say a cuss word, and corrects my husband and I when we do. My 3 year old on the other hand is the complete opposite. I was vacuuming one day, the girls usually run in all directions to get away when I cut it on, But my 3 year old was in the corner and when I went by her feet she screamed and went on about her business. When I cut the vacuum off she came to me and said ”Momma your bacuum (Vacuum) F*ing scared me and s*it!”
we try to be aware of little listeners, but obviously there are times we are so frustrated we forget. Our 2 y/o is a bit of a monster, & one day when my husband came home & asked how the day was, i lost it. The kids were in the other room watching tv, & i didn’t think they were listening. That was the day that little man somehow clogged our toilet, then (to the city’s bafflement) created a vacuum in our pipes that caused stranger poo to fly out of the toilet till i could crawl in & turn off the water. Imagine shit everywhere, including your face. And stranger shit to boot! So yeah, i told him what fucko had done. Later that night at dinner, our 8 y/o handed monster his drink with the words, “here ya go, fucko!” we choked, and explained not till he’s older…
I said the same thing as you with Miss 5 in the back of the car, only a cyclist had just run headlong into the side of my car, so I figured it was pretty much justified. I was so shocked, I didn’t realised I’d said it, but she told me later.
The one time I muttered the F- word was when a utility truck (we call them Utes in Australia) came up my road on the wrong side and nearly hit me. When Miss 5 asked what I just said, I said “Stupid TRUCK”!! I *think* she believed me… at least it rhymed!
Several years ago when a niece of mine was about 4, my mom (her grandma) was braiding her hair. My niece was sitting quietly and then out of nowhere declared “….and you must never say ‘fuck'”. Okee dokey!
i don’t have one, but a relative has a great traffic one where she got cut off or something and said “Oh Jesus” in pure reaction before she could stop herself. I think her son was around 3 and his reaction was “Do you see Jesus mommy?” so she just said “Yes, I do, you should look and see if you see him to!” It was a favorite driving question of his for a while.
The kids at daycare all called each other dummy. My mom often called people a dumbshit. So when the sitter told my daughter she needed to go potty, the angel said “I don’t have to, you dummy shit.”
You make me laugh every time.
Last week I was at the movie theater with my kids. After a scene in the movie when something bad happened and doom seemed inevitable my son announced, “Ohhh shit”. The people around us chuckled. I was both mortified and amused…mostly amused.
haha!!!
I have my own “Oh shit” crappy step daughter moment….
My boyfriend of a few months took me and his then- five and seven year old daughters tobogganing one winter at a nearby park. Fully loaded onto a toboggan, all four of us came barrelling out of the toboggan shoot on our first run at light speed. I might have uttered the words “oh shit” when we did..which didn’t escape the youngest’s ears as she turned to me mid-catapult and proclaimed “you just said a bad word!”
Yes, future crappy step-daughter…I DID!!
thought of another, with my oldest:) he was about 3 & had a serious speech delay, so he couldn’t say his r’s very well, among other things. My sister & her husband took him shopping to look for a new Thomas the Tank Engine. He saw a train he wanted & said it’s name. repeatedly. loudly. Then started yelling it, because they were having a hard time understanding just which one he wanted. This is how my son came to be screaming ” I want pussy! Pussy! PUSSY NOW!”
yeah, he meant Percy, but let me tell you how much i just wanted to pretend not to be his mom right then…
Crying, I am laughing so hard at this one….
My 3 yr old dropped a bottle of opened coke and clear said ‘oh for fucks sake’. Perfect context, unfortunately that’s my phrase and hubby heard it. We laughed our asses off but I got blamed for that one. I’m still very proud of her 🙂
Lol!! That’s my phrase to, and my son was kind enough to repeat it many times and get me in trouble with his father. Thankfully daughter does not say it, perhaps I’ve gotten better at censoring 🙂
I have been following your blog for some time, and I have to say that I LOVE it! You always make me giggle!
I don’t have this problem yet, my son is only 3 months old. But we are trying to clean our language up. My husband and I both use the phrase, “He is as happy as a pig in shit” when we refer to our son ALL the time. I am afraid that, that is going to be his first phrase. We are trying to start cleaning up the language, but we have a LONG way to go!
My now 3 yo has a number of choice phrases… Most she picks up from me… (oops!) The best two were as follows:
Then 2 yo building towers with my canned goods. One can falls on her toe and she hollers out “F*CK ME!!!”
Now she likes to say (when she is REALLY pissed at me or DH) “I can’t f*cking do this anymore. You are f*cking killing me!!!
She is THE ONLY ONE that has every repeated me. Thank God she is the last…
I taught preschool before I had kids and I worked hard to be *very* careful with what I said because I tend to swear profusely. I also trained myself to swear by saying things I don’t like: “Bananas”, “Mushrooms”, and “Yogurt” are vaguely satisfying replacements for me. That was fine because I went home at the end of the day with no kids in tow. Now that I’m Mommy 24/7, it’s harder, but I worked hard to spell the words I just *had* to say sometimes. This went reasonably well for the first several years…and then the little stinker had to go and learn to spell. So from the backseat recently, I hear, “Mommy, what does a-s-s-h-o-l-e spell?” Silence as I tried to come up with something believable. He beat me to it with, “Never mind. Asshole. That’s not nice, Mom”.
My stepson’s mom was dropping him off one day and we got the “you will not believe what your son said” talk. Apparently they had almost been rearended, and the kid blurted out “Mom, that bastard almost hit us!”
Oops
I am pretty sweary but insist that they are “in our house only” words. My son is almost five now and never swears in public but we went through a pretty hair-raising time while he grasped the concept. The best one was when he flung open the door to our breast-feeding group, full of toddlers playing and mothers quietly nursing and yelled “FUCKADOODLEDOOOO !!” at the top of his voice. Epic.
Oh, dear God in Heaven. How I wish I could have been there!
I am shrieking with laughter at that.
My 2-yr-old nephew is in the parrot stage right now. One of his favourite phrases everytime he looks at my Dad’s watch is “wrist watch, small clock!” Too bad he doesn’t pronounce the “l” in clock.
Yes, when crappy teenager was just a crappy toddler he was partly deaf (though we didn’t know it at the time) so his speech was really garbled. Anyhoo, crappy hubby one day heard him say “fork” and well, er, uh, it did NOT sound AT ALL like “fork”. Needless to say crappy hubby thought it was GREAT HUMOR to get crappy boy to play parrot and so before to long he had him saying, “fork you!”…yea, I kept his mouth full of peanut butter at the grandparents house.
So…. i was trying to load my DS & the dog to go to my mom’s. it had been raining & i was trying to get everyone in w/ minimal mud everywhere. the dog hops in & immediately goes to the front seat *SIGH*…
ME: “CHEY!”
DS: “Dammit dog”
ME: “hey, DS, those are grown up words that you don’t need to say”
DS: “okay, mommy, i won’t say them any more once we leave Chey at Mimi’s”
*headshake & giggles*
My 5 year old uses shit occasionally, but we let it slide as it’s only when something happens for her that we’d swear if it were us. She is however very enthusiastic telling people off if she hears them swear “you just said f$ck, you shouldn’t say f$ck, it’s not a nice word, you need to say sorry for saying f$ck”. So win-win right – she gets to swear, and whoever said in front of her feels awful & tries to watch their language…
When our daughter was about two she LOVED anything with polka dots. One of her favorites were her “dot pants,” which, when she said it sounded for all the world like “Die bitch.” For a while, every morning when it was time to get dressed she’d yell “Die bitch!” Made me crack up every time 🙂
that’s f**ing hysterical.
no way. crying.
My daughter was 2. I was driving, my hubby was shotgun and baby was in back. Someone cut me off and I said to hubby, “Did you see that? That bastard cut me off!” And from the backseat, clear as a bell, comes,”BASTARD!” I mean, come on! Two whole sentences and she picks that *one* word to yell??
The one I mutter under my breath all the time when frustrated is “Goddammit!” My then 2.5 year old son was sick and feverish one night, and did NOT want to take the ibuprofin dose I was trying to get into him at 2 in the morning while I was half-asleep, until he just yelled out “Goddammit!”. Woke me right up! I didn’t even feel like I should tell him not to say it, because it was an early word, and he was using it perfectly in context.
My daughter thinks the dog’s name is “Damn Dog.”
Lol, that’s awesome!
My husband must gave called a friends then boyfriend a dick head one too many times because my 3 year old daughter exclaimed loudly one day as he walked in the romm- “hi dick head”.
When my oldest was two my husband almost blew a stop sign with a car coming the other direction. He slammed on the brakes and stopped as we all jerked in our seat belts. My husband and I each yelled something like “Oh my gosh!” After about one second of silence my son yelled “OH, SHIT!”
My baby only speaks “whale” for now, but I do have a good story about my mom and little brother:
My mom was driving on the beltline in D.C. and some guy kept cutting her off, moving into the other lane, and cutting her off again. Exasperated, she yelled, “Stupid asshole!” at the car. From his car seat, my brother (2 at the time) chided her in a very serious voice, “Oooooooooh, you called that asshole ‘stupid’!”
That is AWESOME! LOL!
HA!!! That’s so great. It really shows what kids view as “bad” words! Too cute!
LOLLL!!
You have so many funny stories here! We’ve all been there, obviously! My favorite story is from my sis-in-law. She was playing a rhyming game with her young son and the word “ducky”. Her son came up with … you can imagine. Unfortunately, she had a strong reaction to her 4 year old saying “F.cky”. From then on, whenever he wanted to get a rise out of her, he’d start singing “F.cky, f.cky, f.cky” all through the house. It took a LONG time to get him to stop. LOL!
My son still doesn’t talk much (he does say Duck all the time, sometimes that makes for interesting conversation with relatives on the phone) but my brother was 2 almost three when he wowed us all with his powers of storing information. My grandmother (the preachers wife for whom swearing is saying, “Oh sugar!”) was trying to close the blinds and they were all stuck. My little bother observed this for a moment before sympathizing with her:
“God damn it Nana. God Damn it.”
She was trying really hard to laugh, but told him that was inappropriate then promptly turned to my mother and scolded her. Hehe
OMG lol — Just this morning, some lady drove down my street at about 50 MPH while I was putting my 3 yr old in the car, and I said, rather loudly, “Jesus! Slow down, Bitch!”…. Whoops. 30 minute car ride, every person we drove by he yelled “Slow down, Bitch!!” … Had to keep the windows up on a beautiful 70 degree day. *facepalm*
My husband is in love with The Baseball Project and plays their music all the time around our 4-year old, who has grown to love it too and takes turn pretending she’s the different baseball players in the songs. There’s one song that we always skip, but she loves to read the CD case so she knows the title. We talked about “ugly” words and how we try not to use them, but of course when we were at the crowded playground, and she was on top of the biggest slide, she announced in a loud voice “I’m Ted Fucking Williams!”
I have almost the exact same story! My almost two-year old is a late talker, but she has on several occasions said, “Oh Sit.” My bad!
About a year ago, my daughter (almost 3 yrs old) looked up at me and said “f*ck”. I wasn’t sure I was hearing her correctly, so I responded “duck?” She repeated herself and still I wasn’t convinced that she could possibly be saying what I thought she was saying, so I countered with “fork?” Nope, she was definitely saying the mother of all bad words. I ignored her and pretended I didn’t have a clue what the word meant and she’s never said it again. Whew!
Where did she hear the word? Daddy had apparently launched that expletive when he spilled his coffee on the white carpet the previous morning.
Opps, sorry, my kiddo was almost 2 at the time of this exchange.
My 3 yr old heard her Dad say the F word and for a few weeks she repeated it often. It even got to the point where immediately after saying it she would start to whine because she knew she would be told not to say it. I would even overhear her whispering it when she was playing. She was very proud of her new word.
When I would remind her that its a bad word and she isn’t supposed to say it she would remind me “Daddy said it, bad word”. I had to ensure her that I know Daddy said it and that was very bad of him. She sure wanted to make sure proper credit was given.
I can SO relate to those that commented on their preschoolers who used cuss words in the correct context. It really is harder to get upset over it. I remember the first time I heard my son use it- he was struggling to get his seat belt on which was new to him at that age. Red faced and muttering, I finally heard him burst out the words, “I can’t get this fucking seat belt on!” I nearly wet my pants – I was trying so hard not to laugh. He’s since transitioned to friggin’ here and there (er, um “I” must’ve transitioned…) but honestly, out of a 5 year old’s mouth, still doesn’t sound too clean : ) we’re working on it.
My oldest was (and is) a big one for playing quietly with cars/blocks/puzzles. But every now and then he would get frustrated and mutter something (age 2.5) I finally asked him to repeat himself…turned out that when his block tower fell or his cars crashed, he was quietly muttering “doe-dammit”…his version of my muttered “god-dammit” lol!!
My stepdaughter lost her cool and said fuck when the car wouldn’t start because of a flat battery after she had strapped in the 3 year old. Three weeks later, when her own mother was in the car as well, my stepdaughter said that she was going to stop to put some gas in the car. Piping voice from the back said, “would that be in the fucking car, Mommy?”
One day when my son was about 2 and a half, I broke a bowl and said loudly, “Shit!” Then I remembered he was about eight feet away and whipped around to look at him. He sat there looking like he hadn’t heard anything. Fast forward a few hours. My husband comes downstairs from giving the boy his bath and tells me that they had this exchange:
Boy: “Shit!”
Husband: “What did you say? Did you say you slipped?”
Boy: “Yes.”
Husband: “Good, because that’s what I was hoping you said.”
Boy: “Yes. I said, shit, I slipped!”
I babysit two girls (7 and 10) and they swear in front of their parents all the time. At home, they launch f-bombs and call each other the b-word constantly.. but at school and with me, they’ve never said an offending word! I’ve stopped censoring myself in front of them, although I try to limit the f_cks.
I just told them that using bad words is okay unless you use them *at* people (calling someone a b_tch).. they seemed to think that made sense!
When my now 4-year-old was just turning 2 he loved fire trucks. Except at that age he combined the “t” and “r” to an “f”. He also pronounced fire as “fear”. So he would literally go around all day saying “I wuv my fear fuck!”
We were visiting my in-laws when my son was a toddler. My son and I were in the basement with my mother-in-law, and he told her that he wanted Grandpa. She told him that Grandpa was upstairs and he would have to go up and find him. He was apparently very unhappy about this and stomped his feet and shouted (clear as day) “Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!…” with every step he took up the stairs. Oops. It would seem that he got that one from Mommy.
When my son was three he caught a mouse (do not ask me how) and was showing it to everyone (while I freaked out and told him he would catch a disease from it) and quickly named it Tom. Needless to say Tom soon bit him, my son’s answer was to throw the mouse back in the garden with a very prompt “Fuck you Tom”
Hahaha! We were visiting my mom and dad’s house, and my son Gabe, 2 at the time, asked if Uncle Matt would be joining us for dinner and some play time. They said that no, he wouldn’t be there that night, but another night he would love to be there. Gabe looked down, got really mad and said “Damn it!!” For about three months, all he said when he was frustrated or angry was “damn it,” actually. I was so proud of myself for teaching him that one.
My oldest is on the autism spectrum and many kids on the spectrum tend to have something called echolalia where they repeat entire phrases constantly and at random. He rode the special needs bus to school and heard lots of kids with echolalia repeating random phrases and happened to pick up a choice one. So one day in the church childcare of all places, I was picking him up with lots of other parents around and he was playing with another 3 yr old. She says to him “I’m gonna give you a nick name. Let’s call you Buddy”. And he responded in a very chipper voice “Okay. And I’m going to call you f*cking DVD player” All the parents turned around and gave me the hairy eyeball. I’m certain they were convinced that he heard it from me while cursing at the DVD player (which I’m not above). Fortunately, I asked him “Where on earth did you hear that?” and he replied “From Odin on the school bus” PHEW! I hope Odin’s parents weren’t there.
I had a friend at work who’se daughter called her gym shoes
“f*#king shoes”, presumably because mom was always running around the house yelling “where are your f*#king shoes?!”
They eventually had to hide all the gym shoes in the house to eradicate the problem!
One of my dad’s favorite stories about me was when I was in second grade. My dad can curse like sailor, especially when he is working on home improvement project. So it wasn’t a surprise to him when the school called and told him that I told my classmates “when you are mad, you say shit!”. I was a very shy kid, so I imagine it was a real shock to my teacher at the time.
Our 18 month old is only just starting to pick up words. Also, one of his favorite activities is to ‘play’ chess. He dropped a pawn – it rolled under the couch –
“Uh… Oh…” a new word!
“…uck.”
…dammit.
We both take the blame for that one and are scrambling to clean up the language, but at least I haven’t heard his first word/first phrase for a while – suspiciously like to ‘God Dammit!’ over and over and over, arms gesticulating wildly at me, while I’m attempting a nappy change or struggling to get him calmed down for nap time. The intonation is right too – (you’re not listening to me) god dammit god dammit god dammit (will you listen to me) god dammit god dammit….
his dad thought that was oh so funny, and I admit it makes for entertaining party talk (in the right company), but after an exhausting morning, trying to get him down for a sleep…
I was getting my 3 year-old and 5 year-old in the car one day. My husband had the 4-door car so I was left with the ‘extra’ – a 2-door hatchback. After what seemed like a forever long struggle to get both kids fastened in car seats in the back, I was trying to climb back out and *smack!* hit my head hard on the edge of the roof and promptly exclaimed “F***!” When I regained my vision, both girls were staring at me with huge saucer-eyes and their jaws hanging to the floor. Thankfully neither one has ever repeated it. …that I know of!
Despite being great at self-censoring in the outside world (at work, at my parent’s house, etc) I can’t seem to get it to stick at home. This hadn’t been such a problem since my 3 year old had never repeated anything remotely resembling profanity. Now, prior to the following anecdote, my swearing had been limited to the usual *stub my toe* “fuck!”, *drop something* “ah shit” kind of scenario. Then one day I bust my son doing something he knows he shouldn’t and when I call him on it, despite that fact that he’s seen me see him do it, he looks up at me all innocent and says “I didn’t do it, Mum.” And what comes out of my trashy mouth? “That’s bullshit, honey, I saw you!” Worst Parent Ever! Of course, I maintained a stern composure, praying that he wouldn’t understand. Needless to say, a couple of days later, while trying to get him to do something he doesn’t want to do, and he’s pulling out the constant “but why’s?” and I finally play the “because I said so” card, he looks at me and says “That’s bullshit, Mum!” Intellectually I’m proud that, despite the difference in context, he still used it correctly, and that we agree that the “because I said so” argument is bullshit (I always Hated it when my mum used it on me), emotionally I cringe in the deepest levels of my parenting soul at the mere thought of it. Swearing around your kids is one thing, swearing At your kids…quite something else. I watch my language alot more closely now…it’s a work in progress.
It’s interesting that I read this thread today since last night I watched the third episode of Stephen Fry’s “Fry’s Planet Word”. It focused on swearing etc. and how profanity is more connected to our emotions than the rest of our language. Well worth a look.
My oldest was not yet 2. He was an early talked. We were in the car, of course.
From the back seat I hear his little voice:
“Where the hell is my damn-god blanky?”.
Oops.
“talker” not talked. He’s better at typing than me too.
“damn-god”–LOVE!
I laughed so hard I cried while reading this!
My boys are only 21 months now, so I’m sure I have many, many months of this to look forward to, since I am an unashamed potty mouth (I do try to keep it down when I’m in mixed company, but I’m not very good at it). However, when one of my boys was first beginning to jabber random syllables, he really loved to make ‘K’ sounds. At first, he would just say, “kah, kah, kah, ” but then, he found that it was just as much fun to make that ‘k’ sound at both the beginning and the end of words, so for a month or so there, you could generally find us in any grocery store by listening for the adorable 10 month old shouting (what sounded exactly like) “COCK! COCK!!” And, of course, since they’re twins, it’s all ‘monkey see, monkey do’ around here, so his brother would start chiming in along with him after a while. Me, head hung, racing through the store, while two tiny children scream, “COCK!”– it was about as awesome as it sounds!
When my grandson was 3, he was “helping” his dad fix the computer in the other room. After being told repeatedly to leave stuff alone, his dad exasperatedly said, “Dammit, go find your mother!”
From where we were in the livingroom, we heard Torrin indignantly correct his dad (with the emphasis strongly on “my”), “My name’s not Dammit!!”
My son first swore at a year and a half, taught to him by his 20 year old aunt, thank you very much. At the dinner table with everyone present, grandparents and all, he blurts, Son of a Bit…! Stunned, I say, what did you say??? He repeats it, quite happy with himself. Sigh. I look at my sister in law, pointed my finger at the guilty party and say, You taught it to him, now you unteach him! And she did.
At age two, my daughter spent weeks asking me to “See shit, mommy? See shit?” while pointing to something in the sky as we were driving. I never did figure that one out….. Shit in the sky? Hmmm. But I did change the word to shoot, LOL.
My husband and I were in a fierce competition playing Settlers of Catan with our dear friends, one of whom happens to be the pastor of our church. My 7 year old daughter (who also happens to love Settlers) was “helping” me, when she shouts out (in response to something I don’t remember because I’m pretty sure my brain has tried to erase this moment from sheer mortification) “Yeah, and we can’t even get a DAMN six!” Silence. Crickets. Mortification.
Little one is 19 months and a big talker already. She’s in a super parroting stage at the moment which is tricky as her dad is finding it hard not to drop the occasional bomb. Just recently though she picked up ‘cheeky bugger’ from me. She gives me a really cute grin when she says it. I’m trying to redirect her to cheeky bucket!
This reminds me of our attempts to curb our swearing.
Our son is only 8 months old so we are starting a bit early.
I’m pretty good about it, except in traffic, and during kitchen mishaps.
My husband on the other hand swears like a sailor playing Halo on Xbox. When he remembers the substituted words are hilarious!
“Oh Je.. Gee Wiz!” and “What the fu.. fooey!”
Mine is sorta tame … said “oh crap” once in traffic. Darling daughter, then three, starts parroting in the back seat: “Oh crap. Oh crap. Oh crap.” I just ignore hoping she will move on … eventually she pipes up and says “Mommy, crabs don’t live on the STREET, they live in the OCEAN!” Me “You are SO right, Katie, crabs DON’T live on the street.”
trying to do better – she still lets loose with the occasional “dammit”, however.
LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog – is always a bright spot in my day!
daughter @ age 6… tying her shoe but no succeeding… exclaimed “Shit! …oh! um…!!! what’s the appropriate word for a 6-year-old???” To which I responded “You used the word “appropriate” correctly!! Good for you! … and a 6-year-old should say “shoot”.
My son loves clocks. He thinks they are the coolest thing ever, along with robots and anything mechanical. Every single new house we would enter, he’d immediately spot a clock and excitedly announce its presence. He’s two, and doesn’t do well with the letter L. It’s cute for saying, “I yuv you”. Not so much when happily yelling “Cock!” in a stranger’s home. Especially because it took me a few tries to figure out what had happened, and the clock was really small and it the next room.
He does like to say, “Oh my heck and gosh!” which is way more fun than anything he may overhear. Thomas the Tank Engine helps out too, with “bust my buffers” and other fun exclamations.
My husband and I have gotten better at sensoring ourselves but apparently there are some words we still use too much. My 3 year old daughter was dressed nicely to go out a few weeks ago and when my husband told her he liked her dress she replied ‘I know, I look so damn cute!’
That ones not so bad, but when she was just past 2 and was learning that Daddy’s name is also Donny she just happened to pick up on my husband yelling at the dog. She proceeded to run around the house yelling ‘F*cking Donny, f*cking Donny!’ My husband was so mad! He thought I had been saying that behind his back! 🙂
My DD when she was 2 learnt the f word from older kids. We talked about how it wasnt a nice word and that it is much better to say gosh.
I heard her muttering to herself a week or so later “Lily is a good girl, Lily doesn’t say f**k, Lily says Gosh”
One day on the underground a man was swearing ‘for f*ck’s sake!’ and Madam asked her daddy: ‘why did the man say foxy?’. Foxy is now a bit of a code word round here.
Saw your link with the funny “Crappy Pictures” name on Twitter & had to check…
Absolutely LOVE your blog and the adorable drawings. 🙂
As for parental swearing stories…there simply isn’t enough space here. 😮
rofl! We live in a tourist area, the hills and the roads are very windy. Tourists tend to drive at half of the speed limit. So we have a bad habit of saying “bloody tourists” when we’re stuck behind one. So now whenever there’s a slow car, DS1 says … “bloody tourist”.
Doh.
We were having dinner at my super devout parents house and our cute-as-they-can-come 2 year old daughter was following her grandmother around. When grandma mentioned dessert, she got all excited, but when grandma mentioned they had run out of ice-cream she flopped her hands beside her, hung her head and muttered ‘oh, fuck!’….and I really did try as hard as I could to not laugh but when grandma almost split her sides laughing I couldn’t help but join in.
I have never heard my kids swear, (more luck than anything else believe me… i walk into a bar and two mins later sailors walk out offended)..
but one evening i was upstairs and heard my eldest (6 3/4) shout…
“you B******D ”
at his little brother.. i came down the stairs with my cross face on…..
“WHAT DID YOU SAY!!!!”
Eldest looks terrified and confused…
“I called Roo a blaster…he was shooting me with his star wars gun…..whats wrong mummy?”
…And relax….he cannot lie for toffee so i know its the truth…time for a big apology and some ice cream me thinks!!!
Elly
xx
My mom never swore. Neither did my dad until suddenly when we were all grown up and then the filter came off. G*ddamn seemed to be his particular favorite. I not doing a very good job with my kids and they have heard it all.
We were on our way to the zoo and we stopped for gas. This turned into a tire check, looking under the hood, etc. Well, my husband was stomping around muttering. My sweet, lovely, 4 year old daugther is in her car seat. She says “mommy, I think what daddy means is ‘Fuckin’ car'”
yes, dear, that’s EXACTLY what he means!
My husband used to play some shoot-em-up game on the computer and when he inevitably bit the dust, he’d push back his chair and say “oh f***”. When my daughter was about 2, he didn’t realise she was standing nearby and as he pushed back and started to speak, he got as far as “oh” before she chimed in with the other word! He got a bit of a shock 😀
This is hysterical! Loving all the responses!!
I’ve got tons of stories, considering my boys are 15 and 7, but the 2 that stick in my mind most are from the little guy.
He and his cousins (all about the same age) were all into Thomas the Tank Engine for a while. None of them, at that age could speak very clearly, and the favorite for the whole group was Percy. Try saying Percy without the R sound. Yeah… So when they’d play with the toys we often heard, “My turn with P*ssy!” and “Mommy! I lost P*ssy!”
Then there was the time he was lying on my bed watching tv. I forget what he had with him, but he dropped it between the bed and the wall and said, very mildly, “I dropped my f*cking toy.” He was probably about 5 and had no idea it was a bad word. Did not control my laughter that time… it was just too funny!!
My son at age 3 sounded like he was pretty angry while playing in his bedroom. Checked on him and asked what was wrong? He held up his source of angst and yelled, “I can’t get these goddamn Legos apart!” Yay for first cuss word. And he was right to be perturbed
because I couldn’t get the goddamn things apart either
We had f*ck for fork- it went something like this…. Sitting In middle of the restaurant and my two year old screams ” hey mama wanna f*ck?” ( handing me a fork…)
My Husband was picking up my step-daughters from their mother. They were 6 and 4. we live in the middle of nowhere so there are no stoplights really.
Someone came flying out of a semi-blind turn infront of hubby who was on the main road. He had to slam the breaks and obviously was ready to lose his mind. He had apparently yelled “Jesus f*cking Christ!!”(He actually does short haul trucking for a living) While stopping. And form the back he hears “Daddy! you can’t say f*cking christ!!” He turns and gives her a look and she just keeps going “I mean it daddy!! f*cking christ is a BAD WORD!!” And the 4y.o with her speech delay tried to join in “No ucking!! no ucking!! Daddy BAD!!”
When they got to the house the 6y.o informed me of what daddy said and told me to put him in time-out. I laughed, I couldn’t help it. He looked like he was going to die as she told me, I’ve yelled at him many times for his mouth while driving.
I am so relieved that I’m not the only one!
When my eldest son was 2 1/2, I was putting him on a time out, and he muttered “shit!” under his breath. Which was overheard by my mom, and thought it was hilarious. My potty mouth is infamous in my family (Dad taught me everything I know!)
When he was 3, he came in the room and saw that his one year old brother had made a mess and said “Jesus Christ Aidan! What the hell did you do?”
A few months ago, I had bought some pretzel rods (the long ones), and gave one to my younger son, who is now five. He said “It’s a f**king big one!” I had to go into my bedroom I was laughing so hard. I had to have a talk with him about “bad” words after that. He hasn’t said it since as far as I know. At least, his preschool teacher hasn’t said anything to me!
I’ve tried to curb my language, but it has gotten worse since having kids. I wonder why…
Old coworker… Use to say ‘oh shit’ a lot and when their daughter was old enough… The mother was driving and something happened in the car that made the young girl (age 2) say ‘oh shit mama’ in the right context. HAHA
I’ve love a good curse word and my husband has been urging me to curb ‘such language’ since our daughter was born (now 18 months) – he particularly hated it when I was bending down to pick her up once, at about 6 months I think, and my pajama pants ripped right across the bum and I said, “Shit” right in her face.
So, I came up with an all-purpose word that I use constantly, such as when food goes flying from the high chair: Sugarbush. It has the requisite ‘sh’ sound at the beginning, allowing me to easily slip into it even if I start to say ‘shit.’
My eldest daughter was about….2.5 – 3 years old? We were at Mother-In-Laws house, the place was packed with family, In Law family….and daughter was playing with a ball…it rolled under the table and she oh so casually says “ohferfecksake” as she walked under the table to get it (yes, she was that little, her head didn’t even bump), which was totally my favorite curse phrase at the time….EVERY head swivelled to me…
When my now 5 yr old daughter was learning to talk she used to drop the “L” in “CL” words. One afternoon she was playing with daddy’s watch, which she called a clock (you see where this is going already, don’t you?) and she announced “Look mommy, I paying wif daddy’s big cock!”
Daddy thought this was HILARIOUS and encouraged her to say it a few more times!! *Sigh* Men and their fragile egos LOL I was just glad that him and I were the only ones that heard her!
We live in Central Illinois and there is a town just south of us called Effingham. I was talking about this town with my mother one day and my 5-year old goes “Effingham?, Mom does that really mean Fuckingham?” Nice.
That is hilarious!
that is just. awesome.
This happened to my husband when our son was 3 (he’s 4 now)… This is how it went:
DH: muttering *douchebag*
DS: did you say douchebag daddy?
DH: No
DS: did you say fuck daddy?
DH: No!
DS: did you say shit daddy?
DH: No!!! Stop saying those bad words!
DS: *pause* I think you said douchebag.
DH: OK! I said douchebag! It’s a bad word, stop saying bad words!
Haha kids are fun, so are husbands.
hahaha this is hilarious! omg i love your blog!
Yes, my sister in law would babysit, and have my 6 month old going “ahhhhhh” “oooooo”. Sounds like something else 🙂
Love it! When my son was about 2.5 I was trying to accelerate potty training by offering bribes of hot wheels cars to him if he used the potty (which totally did not work, BTW). To make the cars seem more enticing I gave him one to play with, which he immediately started driving around on the bathroom floor, while saying quite calmly “you dick!” over and over. Fortunately my husband was home at the time, so I calmly called him in to the bathroom to experience for himself. When he walked in, he just dropped his head in shame.
I was driving with my then- two year old in the back seat when someone cut us off and I had to slam on the brakes. Before I could even open my mouth he said to me, “Mommy, don’t say asshole! It’s not nice!”.
My screaming, crying, 4 year old son after riding the Thunder Mtn railroad with me (face covered in a mix of tears, sweat, and snot) “I hate Disney World…It’s STUPID!! …and this is a
DUMB-ASS RIDE!!!!!!” : )
My now 27-year old daughter was 21 months old when her baby brother was born. Both of her grandmothers were watching her while we were at the hospital with my son. My daughter was playing in the pan cupboard in the kitchen while the grannies watched her and she dropped something. She promptly said “Shit”. My mother said, in her best grandma voice, “What did you say?”. So, my daughter turned around and said “Shiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit”, drawing it out slowly so that grandma could hear it this time. Too funny!
At the age of 2 my now 12 year old niece LOVED to say the word Shit…it was her favorite and she used it correctly every time.
We gave her an arsenal of alternative, appropriate words and we all censored our language around her.
We were swimming in the park one day with a friends dog, a miniature poodle that didn’t mind you very well, when he discovered he could get out of the water and chase people. Of course “oh shit” left my mouth along with the threat of throwing him in the water when I caught him… My niece, standing on a nearby rock with her hand on her hip, took full advantage of the situation and started to “parent” me…’Oh Tia, you said shit…I heard you say shit…etc etc shit etc…’ meanwhile I am chasing a wet poodle in my bikini…not fun. Finally after about 6-10 times I give her “the look” and she says to me…’ I know I know, if I say Shit one more time I’m gonna throw MYSELF in the water’. I nearly peed myself laughing.
When I was in middle school, my best friend called me and asked me if I had ever heard of this particular word. I had not, because, well, I was ten. So, I yelled upstairs to my mom, “Mom, what does cunt mean?”
She replied, ” Jenna Margherita! Where did you hear that?!?”
So I said to my friend, “I don’t know what it means, but it can’t be something good.”
oops!
The other day I jokingly told my husband that I was gonna kick his ass. Five minutes later my 4 year old son told me he was gonna kick MY ass! He’s said it a few more times since too. *sigh*
when my son was 3 i learned the hard way that he hears everything i say, even if he’s in a different room.
my partner had just come home from work and we were in the living room talking about our days. our son was in his bedroom playing. i told my partner “i woke up in the middle of the night and that f***ing cat was peeing on my dresser!”
a little over a week later my son was on the phone with his very conservative grandma when i hear him say (yep, you guessed it) “i woke up in the middle of the night and that f***ing cat was peeing on my dresser!” i couldn’t stop laughing, which, of course made things worse. for the next year, at the most random times, he would repeat the phrase that he knew would have his mama and papa laughing instantly!
We were remodeling and upon hearing a sudden, loud noise from one of the tools, my 3 year old daughter said “what the hell was that noise??”
Definitely. Most of the swearing that my children hear are from when I’m driving. They’ve heard some rather lovely swear words and I then had to try to explain just why we shouldn’t say those words. I am trying not to swear but sometimes they sneak through with those irritating drivers out there. 😀
When a driver cut off my husband while we were driving in the car, he softly said “you douche bag”. little ears in the back seat then proceeded to ask him without a skip in her step, what a douche bag was?.
The car in front of me wouldn’t turn left, despite large breaks in traffic, which happens to be one of my pet peeves. I said, “Quit sitting there like an a**hole!” Little one digested. A week later, we’re at the grocery store and she was standing at the end of the aisle. A woman walked by and asked how she was. She responded, “Well, I’m just standing here like an a**hole!” Mommy hoped the floor would open up and swallow her, but it did not.
I have “mommy words” and other words, so when I say “Oh Shit” the boys may say “Oh Sherbet”
Only thing is, every now and again they get confused and I will be asked in a very long queue :
“mama, am i allowed to say Oh shit or Oh Sherbet”
At 22 months, my daughter started picking up on some of the words I’d mutter under my breath, or let’s face it, exclaim. She dropped her toy one time and looked down, shrugged and said “ohh sh*t”. Then picked it up.
That was the same time she just randomly exclaimed, “F*ck!”, at the dinner table. We responded, “Oh, you want your frog?”. And now “f*ck” is “frog”. It works for now. As far as she knows, she just pronounced “frog” wrong. We’re sticking to that story.
I have a master 1 and master 2 who have both picked up on mummy’s potty mouth.
Master 1 overheard me moaning about that f***en bitch of a cat pissing in the wardrobe again he then repeated to Nana when she next visited as soon as the cat walked in “that f***en bitch piss again nanny” LOL I was a bit embarrassed but worse was yet to come…..
Master 2 asked what I was doing while I was taping the foam safety padding back on to the safety poles of trampoline because I was grumpy I stupidly replied “because your big brother f***ed it even more!!” Master 2 ran off returning with a missing piece of the foam “Oooooh Noooooo I f***ed it Mum”
Whoops my bad I promptly informed my husband that we are going to have to be more concious of the wording we use!!!!
one time when my little girl was about a year & a half maybe two she had to go the ER for something I can’t remember what… while we waiting they gave her one of the block toys that you try to figure out where the shapes go.. well she could fit one into the whole so she started saying “f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k f**k”… I stood there with my mouth open cuz she was not saying under her breath she was actually yelling it.. i pulled the curtain back to make sure nobody heard it but it was clear by the nursed smiles and astonished looks they diffidently heard it i was mortified I didn’t even know where she learned the word… I do not like cussing in my house… turns out she learned the word from her daddy
For the most part I did a good job of curbing my language around my kids. And yes, this also includes when they are in the next room, because in spite of what my hubby tries to tell me, they DO hear stuff! So here I was all happy that I’d done so well at censoring myself, when I suddenly heard my toddler one day say “What the hell!” You know… it’s just one of those things that you really don’t think is a swear until you hear it from a child’s mouth and you realize it sounds so wrong coming from that source. To this day I still can’t seem to reprogram myself to say “What on earth!”. *sigh* Oh well, I’ll keep trying, and in the meantime I’ll console myself with knowing it’s nowhere near as bad as it could be. :0)
My best recent one:
Three-year old mutters something to five year old.
Five year old yells: Finn called me a jackass.
Three-year old: he is a jackass.
Me: Ummm… don’t say jackass.
When I was about 4, I went to stay with my granny. I was walking out to her den (you had to step down) and I dropped my doll and I said “oh $hit!” I immediately put my hand over my mouth and my eyes got big. I looked at my granny and said “Granny, I’m so sorry I said $hit! I know $hit is a bad word! Mommy and daddy dont like for me to say $hit! Jesus doesnt like for people to say $hit! Please granny, dont tell my mommy I said $hit, I promise I wont say $hit again!” By the time I finally finished apologizing, I probably said $hit 50x!! LOL! My mom said when granny called her, she couldnt understand her b/c she was laughing so hard. I’ve tried HARD to make sure my kids dont say bad words. The other day my son came home and told me his friend said the “F” word. I was like WOW, that’s a super bad word. Then I asked him waht it was and he said “freak” LOL! He says stupid is the “s” word too.
Cinderella told me that I shouldn’t say “Oh shit” but rather “Oh pit.” I felt shame. However, my friends daughter (4) told her son (1) that if he got in her toys again, she was “going to castrate him.”
My son has amazed me since he started talking at how he hears something once and then repeats it and uses it in the proper context! People are usually surprised he knew how to use the word correctly and that gets us past the awkwardness when he does it in public. Usually, though, my kids have gotten better at censoring themselves as I censor myself — a lot of “What the…? and How the…? around here now!
Hilarious! One night, I was upstairs giving our son (age 3) a bath and my husband was doing the dishes while listening to Guns N Roses. So, Axel Rose starts yelling “you´re f***ing crazy!”. Next thing we know, our son begins singing: “you pucking crazy, yeah, yeah!”. I wanted to laugh and hide! The music must have been loud enough for our son to hear it on the second floor, through the closed bathroom door and over the water splashing, but I didn´t hear it. Toddlers seem to have super hearing powers when it comes to swearing and cussing, don´t they?
Great post!
Wow! There are a lot of swearing stories. My language went down the crapper after I had kids too. Oops!
My girls were with out at the “farm” with my ex’s parents last summer and the 6yr old said “Oh fuck” about something. Grandma turns to her and says, “We don’t use those kinds of words in this house.” 6yr old retorts, “This isn’t a house, Grandma. It’s a camper!”.
I have such smart children! 😀
My daughter’s 2nd birthday was this past monday, as we were eating dinner I dropped some food on my lap and under my breath I said “$hit”. within 3 seconds there was a litte voice repeating it back to me, I laughed so hard, luckily she hasn’t used that word again.
I live in a small apt so I would take my boys out to an indoor play space when the weather was bad. We were in the car driving to the play space when a car cut me off and I proceeded to scream expletives. My son was happily running and climbing around the gym when he spotted one of the coveted toy cars. He jumped in and proceeded to get stuck in a traffic jam of other toy cars and he stuck his head out the window space and screamed ” Move your f*^%%#@ car ” to the preschooler in front of him. Needless to say my face turned cherry red. I was relieved to see a smirk on one of the father’s faces which lessened my mortification to a small degree.
Bless you, your kids, and your blog. It keeps me in stitches! I am constantly adding your thoughts for the day to my Facebook page, so that others can get introduced to you.
My then-2-year-old LOVED the Dr Seuss Fox in Socks book and often requested it. Since she couldn’t say the “x” sound, she instead demanded “Mama, read Fucking Sucks! Fucking Sucks! Please Mama, Fucking Sucks!”
yes.
We, ahem, try to use alternate words instead of curse words – my nephew made up “pernockers,” which were small beasts that harried lions, and we have tons of jacaranda trees in our neighborhood. So m-fer became pernocker, and when we’re really mad, it was pernocking jacaranda. With the right inflection, it actually works. (Too bad the kids get the tone, too.) And I still curse like a sailor.
Once when I was a mere baby sitter I said “oh shit” while driving in front of my then 2 year god daughter. I instantly looked back to see what her reaction was. first look of suprise, then a song. Yes my 2 year old god daughter sang a shit song. I almost cried. “Shit, shit, shit Shiiiiit…”
My 2.5 year loves to express his emotions by saying “I’m really frustrated,” all-the-time. Well, recently he has added “Frickin.” In the doctors office the other day he was preparing to play with .. something and they called him back. Of course, he says very loudly, “I’m really frickin frustrated!!” Except this time, it sounded like like “frickin” and more like “tr-ucking with an F.”
I about died!!
The dog walked into my two year old’s play fort. She exclaimed, “No, dog! Dat mine fucking house!”
My step-daughter called herself a bitch because she was pissed off at some people off the bus. My son is 5 and she got mad at him and he turned around and called her a bitch back…All I could tell her is well he heard you call yourself that..Of course I told him that he couldn’t call people that especially not his sister. but it was funny too.
2 stories:
My 18 month old couldn’t say “contact lens” (“tan-tonk!”), but happily and correctly repeated my words over and over when I struggled with his safety straps (“fucking carseat!”).
On another day, my friend was driving her 18 month old and they stopped at a light. When the light changed, her little girl called out (to another driver), “MOVE, Asshole!”
Our 18 month old daughter recently exclaimed: “Ho-ly sheet, Mamma! So many fwowers!” while running towards a field of daisies. Not my proudest day at our local park 🙂
“Ships! I said “Sailing Ships, son!”
…. No, mine didn’t buy it either.
We were in the car and my son asked me where his soul was to which his sister replies no, no Finny you mean your ASSHOLE
My husband and I have been trying to censor ourselves around our 2.5 yo more because he’s picked up a few bad words. Ususally if you tell him they’re bad he won’t really say it anymore though. I went shopping with my MIL the other day at Kohl’s and while we were checking out he says “Damn, damn, damn! Damn, damn, damn!” I quietly tried to tell him not to say that and he yells “but I love to say damn! DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!” I then distracted him with a book and ended up having to pay $17 for it. MIL never does anything with us and after that she probably won’t be doing much else anytime soon.
Yes, I have a swearing story. And what makes it even better is that he used the word in proper context. My husband had come to get my car from my work; he wanted to check some stuff out on it. Afterwards he went to my parents’ house to pick up our son (2 at the time). It is dark when he goes out to the car. He puts our son in his carseat and then goes to get into the driver’s seat. However, he can’t find the key. He’s looking around on the floorboard of the car, in our son’s lap, trying to look on the ground. He finally takes our son out of his carseat to see if, maybe, it’s under his butt, but it’s not. He takes our son inside and asks my Dad to get a flashlight to help him find the key. As my Dad is getting the flashlight my Mom points out that he’d left his coat. Hubby puts the coat on and puts his hands in the jacket pockets and guess what he finds? Our son (once again, only 2 at the time) laughs and says “Daddy found the key! Ha ha! Daddy dumbass!” According to my Mom, everyone in the kitchen busted out laughing!
I have a great one! My daughter was about 2 and I was driving, following too close to someone in front of me, who slammed on the brakes. I in turned slammed on mine and it was one of those slams where everything on the seats, etc comes flying forward. My 2 year old from the back yells “Jesus Christ! I lost my juice cup AND my baby. Holy shit.”
Hahaha…wonder where she heard that before. (not the juice and baby part…didn’t want you to think I’d lost my baby off my lap…)
Also, my 4 year old was getting up to the table to eat dinner. I had prepared tacos, and apparently she disapproved because she looked at her plate and said “What the hell is this??”
Hahaha. I think the Goddess has them make us laugh so we’ll keep em around.
My 21 month old son pronounces “stick” as “dick” so it’s hilarious when he walks around with a stick outside saying “mine dick. Mine big dick!”
Great stories, I’ve read them all and laughed and laughed!
My MIL loves to tell the story of the day a truck pulled up in front of her car, so that she couldn’t see or turn. She muttered, “Buddy, move your prickin’ truck, I can’t see….”, and before she could stop him, 5 year old DH rolls down his window and yells, “Hey Buddy! Move your prickin’ truck! My mommy can’t see!”
My sisters and I would always say “bye bitch” when we would leave each other, so xmas eve when leaving my in laws house they are all waving and blowing kisses so I roll down my 3 yo daughters window so she could wave back of course I wasn’t expecting her to scream “BYE BITCHES” over & over while waving excitedly…
My almost 3 year old has recently started putting ‘hell’ into almost every question. For example, we had an old friend over the other day. My son points at him and says “who the hell is that?”
It took all my strength not to laugh.
Picture a double pusher containing an adorable one year old and an angelic two year old, in a large shopping centre. They’re both yelling “Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck”, egging each other on and giggling with sheer joy at their clever sounds. The mother pretends nothing is happening, because we all know that if we react it will reinforce the behaviour, right? (“Wow, when I said that clever word Mummy put on her best circus act. Double bonus. Better do it again!”) Other shoppers appear not to agree with the mother’s ignore-it-and-it-might-go-away tactic. The mother parks the pusher and goes to sit on a bench at a small distance away, carefully watching her pusher in case someone should attempt to steal its foul-mouthed contents, and waits until her adorables change words before she returns to claim them as her own. I was eventually able to laugh about it.
This is where you f___ked up: The correct reply isn’t “I said ‘oh dear'” it’s: “I said ‘oh SHOOT'”. Works every time.
😉
My husband was driving with my then 19 month old son. Of course someone pulled out in front of him or something like that and he muttered “F*CK”
My son proceeded to conjugate F*CK.
This is coming from a kid who at that time wasn’t talking a ton.
In the sweetest little voice from the back seat “F*CK, F*CKER, F*CKING, F*CKED”
What the heck?! Where did this come from?!?!?!?
We were dying laughing!
OOPS!!!
My favorite was when my own Crappy Boy, then 6, looked at his uncle (who had just said “mother ——” in front of him three times), and said, “Look, that is NOT a nice word, and you REALLY ought not be saying shit like that in front of me.”
Lol!
My best friend had a pretty harsh dad growing up and picked up a lot of swear words off of him. Her standard response as a toddler to “what a cute little girl you are” was “no I’m not, I’m a little shit.”
HA HA HA… A friend’s son called a lip “balm stick” a “bum dick”, and “sticky hands” became “dicky hands”. I nearly peed myself one time when he ran into the lounge and announced, “Mum! I have dicky hands from my bum dick!”
Meanwhile, my 20mo son says “Oh God!” all the time copying us, if it’s in public (or at church) we say,”Yes, that’s right, Al Gore!” to cover it.
the last time i had to do a windows reinstall on my laptop my 20month old learned ‘damn it’ but usually i’m pretty good at saying ‘shoot’ or ‘poop’
she also pronouces a few innocent words in a way that sounds bad, bed sounds very much like bitch and tushy sounds like douchey
douchey for tushy!! got a laugh out of that one!
When she was younger, my oldest had a hard time with “l” when combined with another letter, like, clock. Instead of clock, she said cock. One day, while shopping, we passed a big clock, to which she repeatedly shouted, “BIG COCK! BIG COCK!” Mortification doesn’t quite cover it…
re: my comment from the ‘can I drive?’ post. LOL
My son sat beside my husband on the sofa to play ‘driving’. (Which he has told me he can do when he grows up… ‘tomorrow’. (he’s 3.5yrs))
Anyway, they are playing driving and suddenly my son says, “But I can’t drive daddy. I’m not allowed to say the ‘eff’ word.” And puts his hands down.
*cough cough* we’re working on that, aren’t we daddy? *cough*
My son is now 12, but when he was 4 he really wanted to go in the truck with his dad and as he was watching dad pull out of the driveway, he said “well f*ck I wanted to go!”, my dad happened to be coming out of the bathroom and said “D, what did you say?” His response within a second was “I sure miss my dad grandpa”…LOL how could I possibly get mad at him, little turd covered his tracks pretty efficiently!! However, over the last 8 years, his vocabulary has expanded greatly…ughhhh
I have a new word that I enjoy saying and it’s “shit Gina”. It’s generally just a work thing with the girls, but I guess I let it fly the other day when I was at home. My youngest ( 5 yr. girl) wanted to know who “shit Gina” was…I had a mini laughing fit where I peed myself as usual…My kids have the funnest idea about what’s swearing. They say fart or bum and it’s a swear according to them. I told them it wasn’t nice to say because you know how kids are, everything turns in, “I just farted when you said the word fart”, to, “your a bum bum head”. Need I go on? It just turns into potty mouth talk which I can’t stand almost as bad as baby talk.
Tiny tot I nannied way back when – his actual first words were “Oh, shit!” so his parents “had a word” with me when I got to work that morning. I denied swearing around him (thinking meanwhile uh-oh, it’s entirely possible I did). That night, they came in, Mum said “Oh, shit, I forgot to add the onions to dinner” and Dad said “Oh, shit, I didn’t bring the mail in” so luckily I was off the hook.
Two families later, the pet was a collie called Sparky. The 2yo couldn’t pronounce “sp” so said “f” instead. Whenever I took the dog to the park with us to play, this most angelic-looking blonde would be calling the dog at the top of her lungs “F**ky! F**ky…!” with all the emphasis on the first syllable. I’d call “Sparky!” even louder so anyone within earshot would not freak out.
Fast forward several years, I now have my own son. Luckily my driving comments have long been carefully modified, and I don’t mind my son telling me “Mummy, that’s a very iggerant driver!”… However, my fiancé was taking him home one night and 3yo saw their bus sail by when they were still on the other side of the road. “Oh, _bugger_, that’s our bus!” was apparently said with my exact intonations and emphasis. Ooops!
Whoops, can’t believe I forgot. Son couldn’t pronounce “vacuum cleaner” when tiny – it was the “f*** you cleaner”. I didn’t actually try to correct that one as it was clear from the context what he was saying, and I couldn’t resist a quiet giggle every time he did.
Hopefully my 3 year old won’t repeat what I just shouted at the drivers blocking the roundabout in their quest to panic buy petrol: “You f*cking moronic Tory zombies! Bloody, BLOODY Tories!”
My 2 year old daughter picked up a few words from my husband who swears like a truck driver and forgets to sensor himself. One day at my parents place we all finished dinner and our darling baby girl started jumping on the couch and just shouting “fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck” and laughed the whole time while doing this. If that wasn’t bad enough, my nephew who is 6 months older hopped on the couch and joined in. Needless to say, the 2 dads of the kids are sensoring a bit more now : )
My husband had our 1-1/2 year old daughter sitting on the edge of the diaper station and was putting on her shoes. He was struggling to slip the shoe on her foot and said, “Oh f*** it.” She laughed and repeated him exactly. Alarmed he said, “firetruck! firetruck!” She repeated that too. Phew!
I’ve never posted on here, but your column cracks me up consistently, probably because (like most people) it’s like you are writing about my life. I have a 5 year old, a three year old and (against my better judgement) a 7 month old (just kidding! He is lovely 😉 Here is a conversation that happened while driving in the car when my daughter Izzie was 3 and my oldest son Nate, had just turned 2:
Izzie: “You’re a boogie ass!” Me: “Where did you hear that??” Izzie: “I don’t know”. Me: “Don’t say ass, it’s not a very nice word”. Izzie, turning to Nate: “Nate, don’t say ass, it’s not a very nice word. Nate: “Ass.” Izzie: “No Nate, it’s not nice!” Nate: “Ass….ass….aaaaaaaassssssss!” Izzie: “Mama, why are you laughing?” Me: “Because Nate doesn’t understand that it is a bad word. He will understand when he gets bigger.” Izzie: “Nate, when you get bigger, don’t say ass.” Nate: “Ass.”
When my 7 year old was about 2.5 she was riding with her dad in the truck. She had an irrational fear of house flies at the time and positively hated it if they got in the car. He rolled down the window and one happened to fly in and she said “Mother pucker, you let the plies in!”
Backseat of the family station wagon; I’m ~8 and little brother is 6. In some context, I said “Fart.”
Brother: “Ooooh! You said the F-word! Mom, Dad!”
Teenage brother and sister roll eyes. I tell him that’s not even the real F-word, so he tells on me for lying. (It wouldn’t have been the first time I scammed him.) But my parents corroborated so he asks, thoroughly confused, “What IS the F-word, then?” I am allowed to whisper it in his ear– he still thinks I’m full of shit and yells, “That’s not even a word!”
For about a mile our whole family rolled down the road saying “F*ck! Yes, it’s a word! No, really. That’s it: F*ck!”
My story is about my mother. My Bible-toting, proper-as-can-be, pastor’s wife mother. One night during the BIBLE STUDY at their house she was reading something to the group about the Shiite Muslims…only she pronounced it shitty Muslims :o. Everyone burst out laughing and she confusedly looked around and then repeated, “You know, the shitty Muslims?!?” We were all just about dying before she realized what she’d done and turned red as a tomato 😉
One time we were at Target, and I was waiting for a prescription, however it wasn’t going to be ready until the next day. So, I said no problem, and as we are turning to walk away there was a lady, right next to the pharmacy, looking at whatever was on the end cap, and my oldest son said “What the f&ck”…REALLY loud…so I just turned around and walked quickly away…
I work with contractors and in an industry that is mostly men, so swearing has rubbed off on me in a bad way. One day, my then, 2 year old daughter had dropped her doll on the floor. I heard the doll drop, and she pointed at the baby and said, “GODDAMNIT!”
OOPS!!!!!!
My MIL loves to tell the story about how when she and my hubby were in line checking out library books and he (old enough to read) pointed across the room exclaimed, loud enough for the entire place to hear,
“Mom, what does c*nt mean?”
After her initial shock and embarrasment she calmly asked
“Where do see that honey?”
“Over there Mom, it says C-o-n-t-.(period)”
“Oh honey, that means contiuned”
She breathed a sigh of relief as the two grown men in line behind her couldn’t control themselves with laughter…..
This isn’t about my babies, but about me….when I was a baby, my mom didn’t work and her and I went everywhere together. She had (and still has) pretty intense road rage. The whole nine: honking, middle fingers and a final ‘sonofabitch’ to seal the deal.
Well, one day, when I was about 1 1/2, she saw someone she knew and honked and waved from the car. Then, a small voice from the back seat yelled “BITCH!!!” That’s when she knew she’d have to watch her mouth around me.
HAHAHAHA!! My husband’s fave saying is “oh hell no” so at about age 2.5 my oldest starts repeating “oh heeeellll no” all the time, lol. He couldn’t even be mad bc he’s the only one who ever said it.
My nephew, on the other hand, was at our house for the weekend and we awoke to him just skipping around the house saying “shit, shit, shit….bull shit….shit shit shit” …..needless to say, he and “uncle” had a very long convo, lol
My husband was driving my son and daughter to daycare one morning and uttered an unsavory word at some sort of driving situation. To which my son replied: ‘Daddy!!! That starts with ‘f’!’
I’m not a mommy, but I’m a damn good auntie. My sisters cuss in front of and at their babies constantly, and for the longest time, my oldest sister’s 2 yr old baby boy would say “I don’t fucking wanna go to fucking sleep you fucking bitch!” to her. (I was shocked until I heard what she would normally say to him, and then I decided she deserved it)
On the other hand, I don’t cuss in front of him, and when he used to cuss at me, I would pick him up and just hold him until he apologized and promised not to do it again. He now (age 3) very rarely ever uses cuss words when I’m around, even in front of his momma, though that might be because I’ve started pulling on his cheeks and asking “Is THIS the mouth that said ______” and he always says no…..
I asked my daughter how her visit to her dad’s land in Vermont was. She replied, “They spread poop on the Feckers’ land.” “The Who?” “The fuckers’ land,” she repeated, a little more clearly. Obviously her dad had not been too happy about the smell of manure coming from the neighbours’ lot.
My dear sweet 4 year old walked out of the kitchen one day with a disgusted look on her face and said, “How come no one ever puts any water in the fucking fridge.” Hmm, I think I’ve heard my wonderful husband say that a couple times. I tried to be stern and tell her we don’t say that word, but it was hard when I was about to start crying in my effort not to laugh.
I knew I was in trouble when my cherubic 2-yr-old girl took my hands very gently in hers, looked at me with those GIANT blues of hers and said, “Mommy-honey, someone needs to clean that goddamn shit out of the hallway.”
I replied with “Tell your father” only because I was going to have a stroke. THAT’S good parenting…
When my daughter was 3 she had refused to eat her snack that she asked for (which had been happening a lot) and I told her, “okay but if you don’t eat this now, you’re not getting anything til dinner!” Well, of course by 4:30 she was starving and begging for dinner and when I told her no she threw herself on the floor and screamed, “I just want my FUCKING DINNER!!”
My sons’ 75 year old great grandmother was telling a story to us about some words she and another woman had one day. Well, she got to the part where she called the woman a witch with a B, and then realized what she had just said. Everything was quiet for a few seconds and then from the other room my four year old repeats #itch? He had never heard the word before, to my knowledge, so he was fascinated to find out what it ment. Lol! Thanks grandma!
Being a couple without kids for a long time, swearing wasn’t an issue (and became a bad habit). But a few weeks ago, when I dropped a fork on the floor, my 2 year old said “f*ck, Mama?” I replied “no, baby. The fork fell on the floor. Now it’s dirty”. She nodded and said again “yeah, Mama. F*ck! Oh F*ck, Mama!”
Daddy will probably have his mouth washed with soap from now on…
Our 3 year old is just about potty trained, but has been wearing “britches” (diapers). When Grammy came to stay, we had to warn “old britches” meant “dirty diapers”. Doesn’t sound the same from a 2 year old who doesn’t use the letter “R”…
My mom taught preschool, and she came home one day and told us a particularly interesting story.
One of the little girls in the class (I think she had just turned three) started saying to my mom and the aide something that sounded like “My bubby ate cat shit.” They asked her to repeat it, and she said the same thing. My mom said, “Your bubby eats what?” And the little girl said, “Noooo, my bubby et ket chit.” My mom suggested, “Your bubby eats ketchup?” and got the same “My bubby et ket chit” response. She asked the girl’s mother about it when she showed up to pick her up, and her mom said that what Hannah must have been trying to say was, “My bubby’s in Texas.”
I’m not sure why my mom told this story in front of my sister because she (who was about 5 at the time) started repeating “My bubby ate cat shit” thinking that she wouldn’t get in trouble because that was not the intended meaning of the sentence.
We were at King’s Island one time, and someone in line for a ride yelled out, “Somebody shit their pants!” My sister, again about 4 or 5, started yelling, “Someone shut their pants!!”
My 4 yr olds dad called a woman a “dumb bitch” in traffic the other day. The boy chooses to repeat that in front of grandpa. Good times. lol
Wow, lots of comments!
Love ur blog!
Just wanted 2 add a bit, my son (3 yo in a coup weeks) CORRECTS me when I swear wrong. Yes, u read me right! I have a very foul mouth & since he started talking I’ve been trying to hold back & I gotta say I’m proud of myself! Have managed to keep it down to “Oh F…!” when I stub my toe or something equally irritating (b4 it was 1 F word, 4 every 3 words in a sentence). However, my boy seems to think that if I’m gonna cuss I gotta finish the phrase, so for example, I’m giving him a bath, he throws a toy at the bathroom counter with perfect aim & the deodorant tips over & falls hitting the toilet bowl rim & then immediately dropping into the toilet. SO Mami (thats me!), the verbose parent that I am, say “Son of a “. To which my child says “B…h, Mami, Son of a B…h!”. So what do I do? I say “You don’t say that, thats a grownup word & blah blah blah” & then run out of the bathroom & covered my face with a pillow so he couldn’t hear the fit of giggles.
Your kids are hilarious!
Keep it up!
When my nephew Alex was a toddler we spent MONTHS teaching him to say “Be quiet!” instead of “Shut up!!” He was outside with his Nanna’s pet cockatoo Charlie one morning when Charlie started screeching really loud. Alex bellowed “Charlie, BE QUIET!!” then turned around, put his hands on his hips, looked at me and sighed “Shiiiiiit.”
like you say, censoring has gotten better with the second one. But the first son was well versed in profanity. One day my oldest, who was 2, was having an argument with one of those battery operated bubble blowing jobbies. It wasn’t functioning. He exclaimed, “This is fucked up!” and told his dad to fix it then stormed off in a rage. Well played. Daddy got a dirty look from mommy… before we cracked up.
LMAO!
With my oldest, I apparently cursed most often when trying to carry him and a cup of coffee, with no scalding, upstairs to our room. I realized this when one day I said “Oh shit,” about something else … he looked around on the the floor and then asked in that cute toddler-speak, “Where spill coffee?”
Yep, as the asshole swerved around me and the ambulance trying to get by I called him by name. My son’s reply? “Wash your mouth out with soap Mommie!”
I curse when I get really upset. Unfortunately, my 3 year old was with me when I let loose with the F word. I’ve tried explaining that it is not a nice word and the he is a nice boy and he shouldn’t use it. Well, the other day we were having Mama and son time at a local coffee shop. He proudly held up his juice box and loudly said ‘This is Owen’s FUCKING juice’. *sigh* he used it correctly.
Ahhhh this reminds me of when my son hauled out with “Kiss my ass!” … I put on my best mom voice and said “Do we say that?? That isn’t nice at all!” He stops … thinks … says “Oh sorry. Kiss my BUTT!” …. yep, that’s my boy … sigh.
I stopped cursing in Spanish (my native tongue) & I’ve reduced my cursing in English to saying: Damn & bitch. I usually DO say the bad words hen typing them or I don’t say them outloud, so it sounds like I’m insulting you over the phone & it’s getting cut up.
So I was driving & this woman cuts in front of me, speeds up & then parks in the exact spot. I say:
“What a *mouth the word: motherfucking* Bitch!”
My daughter: What a BITCH, MAMI!
Awesome. In our car, the boys know to hang onto the “Oh Dear” handles if we’re taking a corner too tight.
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My oldest godson was my first kid that I got on a regular basis. He was just getting to the stage where he was speaking in (semi) complete sentences. One day I was babysitting him and he got in his diaper bag and pulled out the snack bag his mom packed, Lucky Charms cereal. He did what all children do… and even I as an adult still do… ate all the marshmallows. Then he handed me the bag of cereal and said he wanted more. I told him to eat the cereal first, then he could have more. That didn’t work. “More.” “No more until you eat the cereal.” So he comes up with an ingenious solution to the problem. Dump all the cereal out of the bag onto the floor. “Dirty now, more.” “Shawn, pick up the cereal, put it back in the bag, and put it in the trash.” “MORE” “Clean that mess up first.”
This is where it got fun.
“F**k you Aunt Jill!” I was flabbergasted. What did my perfectly innocent little one just say? I knew he never cussed before, his mom would have told me. She would have called crying or something, I would know.
“What did you say, little boy!” was my reaction. I always called Shawn “Little man” or “Big boy.” Somehow he got that little boy, instead of little man meant he seriously upset me.
“Uh-oh.” “You’re right uh-oh.” “I sorry.” “You better be sorry. You don’t say that. It’s mean.” Now he’s crying, he was mean. He was unintentionally mean. Poor baby. Wait, he just cussed at me. No poor baby, let him be sorry. It was just crocodile tears after all. I waited a second, he stopped crying and picked up the cereal that started this mess, put it in the bag, then threw it away. He came back, hugged me, said sorry again, and started playing with toys. After about 10 mins he came up to me and asked if he could have more cereal now, and I got more. This time he picked out the marshmallows and set them aside. He ate all the cereal and put the marshmallows back in the bag, which he put back in his diaper bag. His mom was confused when she came to get him and he presented her with the bag of marshmallows, saying, “Make me be mean, can’t have.” but she was entertained with the story after. He didn’t eat the marshmallows, only gathered them, through the rest of that box of cereal.
My eldest daughter at 12 months, struggled with the word “vacuum”. Instead it sounded like she was saying f#!% you! Unfortunately, this was at a point where she was obsessed with helping me clean, and most especially vacuum. To the absolute delight of my husband and brothers and sisters and parents and in-laws, all anyone needed to do was suggest that the floor was messy and she was looking up at me, all innocence, saying “F#!% you, Mumma?”
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What my son got from me was “Move it, slowpoke!”. No swearing, but not nice to hear him say it when he plays with his toy cars :p