Next up in my October Crappy Collaboration* series is Jill from Baby Rabies.
I’ve mentioned her a few times in these parts. Remember the hilarious inappropriate elf contest from last year? That was her. She is also the one who peed on a gecko. You gotta love a woman who accidentally pees on a lizard and then blogs about it. And I also love her posts that aren’t funny at all. Like her letter to her 51-year-old self which makes me cry each time I read it. So yeah, good stuff.
*Crappy Collaborations are my way to share some of my favorite, funny parenting writers. They wrote the words, I drew the pictures. See the rest right here.
Here is Jill’s post, with my crappy pictures…
What a Week as a Single Parent Looks Like For Me, by Baby Rabies
©2012, Baby Rabies. Images ©2012, Amber Dusick
Every now and then, my husband will leave for week-long business trips. And it doesn’t matter what I do to prepare myself for them, the weeks always play out the same way.
Accomplishments: Nearly all the things. Laundry is folded and dishes are done before going to bed. Floors are swept, counters cleaned. Blog and social media are tended to, but not dwelled on. Sneak in a workout while the toddler naps. Do a craft with the preschooler.
Mood: Positive. This time will be different. I will stay on top of things this time, so no need to stress. Tolerating the kids like a pro. Rockin’ this shit.
Phone convo with the husband: “How was your day? Uh huh… mmm hmmm… wow. That sounds stressful. Glad you got in okay!”
Accomplishments: Drop the boy off at preschool, Starbucks drive through with the toddler, blog post, mingle a little too long on Facebook during nap time, skip doing the dishes but promise myself I’ll stay up a little late tonight to finish them, emails, feed the children one of the 5 meals I shopped and planned for for the week, go to bed a little later than I know I should after playing catchup, wake 5 times that night to soothe the suddenly irritable toddler.
Mood: Truckin’ along. Hangin’ tough.
Phone convo with the husband: “Hey… yeah, I KNOW I have to take the trash out. Got it. What? Nothing. Just tired.”
Accomplishments: Pull my dead body out of bed, make lunches for both the children, manage to brush my teeth AND find a bra before driving them to school, sleep the entire time they are there, shudder at the thought of working out, catch up on emails from bed and the parking lot of school, feed children various things I can pull out of the refrigerator and not have to prepare for dinner (like cold hot dogs), ignore all dirty dishes, pile clean laundry on top of the couch, watch the dog make a bed out of the clean laundry.
Mood: This is crap.
Phone convo with the husband: “Can I call you back later… I sort of hate you right now.”
Accomplishments: Keep everyone alive, return emails from the bathroom while hiding from the children with the door locked, drive through for dinner, drink wine while playing on Facebook and putting off work until midnight.
Phone convo with the husband: “Must be NICE to HAVE to go out to dinner with ADULTS. Must be nice to always get to LEAVE THIS PLACE.”
Mood: Fuck it.
Phone convo with the H: “When are you coming home? If you can’t find us when you get here, we’re all lost under the giant mound of laundry and dirty dishes. We’re going out to dinner when you get here. Bring home wine.”
So, that’s where I’m at right now, at the end of another long week. My biggest goal is merely keeping the house free of biohazards (like the cat shit I just cleaned up, a product of being locked in the office all night) and Ebola at this point. Today, my greatest accomplishment will be getting us all dressed, and tonight I will raise a glass of wine to all of you who do this for so much longer than a week at a time, and who keep it together so much better than I do.
Cheers to the freakin’ weekend.
Please visit Baby Rabies or head to her Facebook page to say cheers.
LOVE it! It’s like you took pictures of my life. You rock!
This is totally my life….weekly – well except the nightly conversation right now. Hubby is drinking beer and shooting birds and playing cards….and apparently North Dakota has no cell service.
Omg so am I! But South Dakota is so far from Australia that he is gone 2 weeks. It kills me that they can never pick up the phone!
Mine was just in Oz for two weeks too! My hate factor increases exponentially with every day he doesn’t call! But really, I wouldn’t call myself either sometimes!
North Dakota/ Northern Ontario – they all say the same thing! Good luck!!
He totally lies. There has to be cell signal – isn’t it everywhere by now??
I’ve been a single mom rocking it solo since day one. Some days the only comfort is that tomorrow is another day to try to do better. The best days are when your kid is doing awesome and you know that it’s because of everything you’ve done.
*cheers Meggie on!*
Also cheering you on Meggie! My hat is off to you. It’s a tough gig with two parents. I feel certain that as a single parent, you must be a super hero.
I’m BRAND new to the single mom scene (he told me two weeks ago he has decided to leave me and the kids – 23m ds and 6week old dd… Yea), and so far I’m still rockin it Monday/Tuesday style… I’m a strong mama for my babies. This post outlined exactly the reason he gave me for leaving though… I couldn’t get EVERYTHING done every day. I called it tired, he called it lazy. Whatever, his loss. The kids and I are doing great! We’ll see how I feel when I get to the Friday stage… Good thing about Friday, Monday is around the corner 😉
Oh no! My hubs does the lazy thing too. Ugh. I hate it. You are not lazy. You are doing a job that I would not accept payment in gold bullion to take… even for my own kids! Oh lord, one just showed up, gotta go 🙁 Take care!
Good for you Jaye! That’s so true, Monday IS around the corner!
oh Jaye, I am sorry, and it will be tough, but if that is his attitude, long term you will be better off without him. You have a 6 week old!
One of my close mates got left when her second was 6 months old and she hadn’t had a full night’s sleep in all that time and he hadn’t raised a finger to help. About 3 years down the road she is happy and full of life again. Just try to look after you and your 2 little precious ones – here is sending you happy vibes over cyberspace to you… and you sound like you a strong mummy, bravo
god bless you!!! I am shocked how could someone behave like that!! I hope his parents are giving him hell karma karma karma…he is soo going to be sorry!!This is the time to rope in any grandparents godparents aunties uncles helpful friends nannies anyone for help respite etc…and any money benefits that can be used,claimed etc.. One day at a time it’s very early yet take it easy on yourself most of all!!!
Good Attitude Jaye! Hey, my daughters middle name is Jaye…did yours come from someplace specific?
Good luck, Jaye. You sound strong, resourceful, and kind – a good recipe for creating a solid family. Keep teaching your children to “choose love, stay safe, and play fair” and the three of you should have a happy life.
His loss! Such a chicken s#%t thing to do. You can do this ! So proud of you.
My ex was out of work for 2 wks once, said he’d take over the house and 3 kids. Went great for 1st 3 days..scary great. He IS doing better than me. But then reality hit, he couldn’t keep up and soon there was no dinner on the table for me..grrr! He never judged me again after that.
Another single-from-day-one mom here – just wanted to say hi because I have never met another one. And I totally agree – nothing beats the feeling when your kid is being truly fantastic and you know the daily struggle is worth it AND you get to take all the credit.
There are tons of us 24/7/365 moms out there from day 1. Many of us did it deliberately. I think it is much easier for us than it is for women when their spouses go away for work or they get divorced. At least we know what we are in for day after day. And I wouldn’t have it any other way! Even if it means my kid will be toting AK47s since I never got married! 😉
Me too Meggie — from day one I’ve ROCKED IT solo and am proud to say I really do on most days! Throw in a job out of the house to that blog above and you have my life — and I love every minute of it. Funny when you know there is no one else to pick up the pieces, you keep the puzzle together better sometimes!
Good point, Astrid. I was a single mom the whole time, back when no one chose that lifestyle without society’s condemnation. I kept it together, filled our home with peace and joy, and loved the ease with which my child and I could relate. Really proud of the results. She’s now a happy, high-achieving woman with a career and family of her own.
I think i go through each one of these stages individually throughout the day. I wake up with a ‘this is going to be AWESOME!’ attitude, then around breakfast ‘this sort of sucks, why are my monsters in such a bad mood…’, snack: ‘UGH! This house is never going to be clean!’, Lunch: Fuck it. I’m out. Nap: AWWW! I miss them, and love them and want to play with them… (except for when they don’t nap, then it’s more like the fuck it part). Then repeat for snack, dinner and bed time.
I couldn’t be a single parent. I’d lose my mind.
Yep, I go through all five moods throughout the day also. Either that or I’m just stuck at Thursday.
Stuck at thursday since the 3rd was born
Natalie, I thought I related to the post because my husband also goes on work trips occasionally. But when I just read your comment, I burst out laughing, because I feel that way too! Every day! 7am: Wow! Let’s get the show on the road! 9am: Come on, little monsters! Get in the #*^% car! 12pm: Why can’t this day be over? 4pm: Urghph. So tired… 5pm: Fuck it. Cereal for supper. No milk? Too bad.
Hahaha, No milk, too bad! I fed my kids granola bars and tortilla chips for lunch 😉
OMG, I am laughing at your comment. Whenever he’s deployed we try to do “real” food for breakfast (eggs, etc) because I know by dinner time (4pm) all I’ll feel like doing is dumping cereal in a bowl and calling it good. If you get Raisin Bran it at least has fruit, right??
Oh my, my hubby works out of town 21day home for 7. With 18hours of travel between locations my 3 children and I only get to see him for 4.5 or maybe 5 full days. I do this a bit backwards. I hate him for leaving right away, then get into the groove. By the last week i am determined to get the place spotless, i never fully succeed. And then when he is home there is always so much to do that nothing gets done. He leaves me with chaos. Rinse and repeat.. I dislike him for leaving…
Yep. I don’t know how single moms do it either. My husband works 12 hour days usually 6 days a week, is at work before I wake up, he gets home around 5 if I am lucky but it’s usually not until right when the kids are going to bed. I am just trying to survive most of the time. I can’t wait until I have my baby because at least then I can pump my body full of caffeine for better survival, I am so tired.
Dude…everyday. Thats my reality. And my DH doesn’t even leave for a week/weekend. This takes place when he goes to work; IE 7am-5pm. 3 kids…outnumbered. So outnumbered.
I hear ya sister. And they are faster than us.
Omg yes! I’m lucky enough to have given birth to two ninjas (can you feel the sarcasm?) not just your regular run of the mill ninjas either they are the best of the best, totally sneaky, and too smart for mine and hubby’s own good. Especially with things they shouldn’t know like how to pop the “child proof” door knob covers off. Lol.
Ninjas hahaha 😀
I am sure those childproof devices are just adultproof as DS works them out quicker than any adult I know
This is awesome!!!! LOL I can so relate except mine is 6 kids ages 10 down to 9 months :-/ Hubby works full time 7 or 8am to 5 or 7pm. I’ve been on Mon for the last 2 days but my Mon was actually the pic for Fri….lol And to top it all off – I’m cleaning and remodeling an addition to our current living space while at least 2 of the little ones are home. Some weeks I’m on Fri all the time…lol I know the outnumbered feeling!!!!!!
Oh no!!!! Those phone conversations are totally me and my husband when he’s out of town! I thought I was being at least slightly sneaky with the whole, “Nothing, just tired” bit, but seeing it in writing it is embarrassing transparent!
Chrystal, YES! Exactly!
Just so you know, I get super excited every time I see a new Crappy-Post in my Google Reader feed. And I don’t even have kids. That’s how funny your blog is.
I feel the same way… No kids, but this is hilarious!
Me too! No kids, but 6 nieces and nephews and I’ve witnessed or heard some form of all of these stories. haha. Cracks me up.
Me too, CarynSKA! I’m still waiting for the joys of children – reading this blog is great preparation for what lies ahead!
I, too, have no children, but 24 nieces and nephews… This blog is just freakin’ hilarious!
Me, too! Well, I have kids, but they’re 32 and 29, so…
I too have no kids and love this blog! I consider it good ‘research’ for my future (hopefully) kids.
Yes, yes, yes! Every time he’s gone. My hat’s off to the full-time single parents out there – I know we all do what we have to do to survive, I just don’t think I’d survive. You are amazing.
I totally agree! my husband goes to work trips every so often, for a few days and once for a whole week. The whole time I’m asking myself how single parents do it! Sometimes I even go to my parents house so I can get some relief! lol!!
We do it by setting up a different kind of normal. When there isn’t someone else to help out or chime in, we make decisions that streamline the daily routine.
Thanks for the laughs.
EXACTLY. And then my husband always calls to tell me about the great steak dinner he had, or how they are “forcing” him to go for Korean BBQ, or whatever. Meanwhile, I had a buffet of string cheese and dry mini-wheats.
Plus, I always get sucked into some scary Lifetime movie and lay awake all night listening for axe murderers.
Yes! And/Or think that the next person to knock on your door is a rapist or kid napper.
Every. Damn. Time.
I have vivid memories of the time I called my husband when he was in Sweden. He had just returned from a company dinner where he feasted on reindeer steaks. I had just slung easy mac onto the table for myself and my kid and that by the grace of God. I have never wanted to simultaneously cry and kill as much as I did at that moment.
I have that same feeling every time my husband has a business dinner and recounts what glorious feast he ate and then asks what I had for dinner. McDonald’s and regret. That’s what I ate. McDonald’s and regret.
Mcdonalds and regret is my favorite comfort meal.
Mine too. lol
OMG!! McDonald’s and regret! I LOVE it!!
That is funny!!!!For me , McDonald’s is a happy meal…pick it up,(skip the drink order…but bring home STRAWs!) bring it home…share fries…clear it all away…and play with toys!!!Brings me back to my childhood…I wish I did it more often, when they were little!
He’s feasting on the company dollar, and we have chicken nuggets all around when Daddy’s out of town. I’d give them cereal, but my son would have a COW because you don’t eat cereal for supper!
You need to start “Breakfast all day Tuesday”. Then it is okay to feed them cereal.
Thursday is Corn Flake Day at our house! I say that corn is both a vegetable and a grain. And milk is dairy. Add bananas and raisins, and voilá, a whole nutritious meal in 30 seconds flat. My 2 year old can prepare this meal! Saves our week. Don’t know why it took me 10 years and 4 kids to figure that one out!
I wish there was a *LIKE* button on the comments on here!
…but you DID!Yay for you!
I so have to try that one. Sounds so easy. And kid friendly…
We used to sometimes have “Upside Down Day” at night. We’d have breakfast for supper: eggs, pancakes, fruit – and we’d come to the table in our pajamas. So fun! Play a board game afterward, then go to bed.
Cereal for supper is super!Offer cocoa with it!Yum!
This is so me too. DH says I am so tired, but I had to go to this awesome party at this neat place where I drank wine and ate fancy small food. I am barely hanging on trying to finish my work, eating mac and cheese for a third time for dinner, and the baby is screaming again and needs to be nursed for the 100th time in the past hour.
LOL I love this blog! I’ll have to check out hers now too! Glad you do these collaborations, I have other blogs to read and laugh at! 😀
seriously, that is how it is every single time. By the end of a 2 week trip I am certifiably insane.
I love this!
Except.. And I hate to be nit picky, but the whole “My (unit of time) as a single parent” thing really bothers me. A lot of people use it, and I do hear it all the time, but I really wish people would stop. I tell my married friends this all the time… your DH being away for a week(end) does not mean you are a single parent for that time period. You’re just… not. You’re in charge of more tasks, sure, but you still know your DH is coming home, you’re not solely responsible for the kids, you’re not the only person in the whole world that they have to rely on, you’re not IT, forever and all time.
Please, count your blessings, and your children’s blessings, and discontinue using that phrase. I know, I know, I’m probably being bitchy, but having been a single parent for many, many years, I’m probably being a little oversensitive. But it just really, really bothers me.
After being raised by a single-parent, I appreciate your point of view. When my partner is out of town or is working crazy hours and we don’t see each other for two weeks, we call it “solo-parenting” and the difference between solo-parenting and co-parenting is night and day. I don’t call it single parenting since I’ve experienced being a kid of a single mom and know that I’ve got nothin’ on her in terms of parenting.
I agree with you. I am blessed with an awesome husband and I have to say this cartoon is exactly what happens in my home when he is out of town (and the same thing happens to him if I am out of town). I feel like a nut for letting it happen while I watch several friends that do it all the time! It’s not easy for my single parent friends, but they get the job done. Well done to all you awesome parents without partners out there. The strength you show will be an asset to your kids throughout their lives!
Yes, that “My (unit of time) as a single parent” bugs me too! “Thursday” and “Friday” is my life every.single.day.
3 kids to 1 parent is tough!
The “IT forever and all time” yep, that is a huge difference in perspective.
And I don’t think you’re being oversensitive or bitchy – I appreciate your point of view. My own mom was a single parent. Like Izzy said, we also say “solo parenting” though I never really thought about the difference in the two terms until now.
I feel you on the single parenting thing. I have a good friend who is a simgle mom to 3 while I’m married with 4. I’ve never, never, never, thought hubby being gone put me in her league, she carries much more weight than I do. Sometimes it’s just a lack of vocabulary.
Wow, thanks for the support, you guys! I was worried about posting that (don’t wanna be *that* commenter), and it’s nice that you all get it! 🙂
I agree with you — I’ve used the phrase too, but have had the same thought…that husband on a trip is NOT the same thing as raising your kids solo. Although some lovely kids come out of single-parent homes, it’s HARDER work, and not just for a week or so.
Right on! We are a military family and my husband goes on long-term (a year or more) deployments in addition to ”small trips” for months at a time and works nights while going to school full-time (during the hours he manages to stay awake) so I do a LOT of ”solo” parenting. We use the phrase “solo parenting” purposefully to show respect to single parents as well as to show respect to my husband as his absence never negates his role as dad.
Here too. When the other parent is in Afghanistan though, it’s hard to feel like you are parenting as a team.
Plus, when you are a single parent you get to go out on dates. And wear clothes without barf on them. So I am a teensy bit jealous of that part. 🙂
Exactly! Because you have to go out of your way to try to include the absent parent on top of holding everything together, when you just want them to butt out since they’re not actually involved right now. The bonus with a military deployment though is that in general, people are more sympathetic and willing to assist than for someone who is single and ‘used to it’.
Um, when? Especially when your kid is little?
Mine’s 11-1/2, and I still couldn’t go out on a date if I wanted to. He still needs babysat at night, and the funds just are not in the budget.
Not to mention, by 7 or 8pm I am just.wiped.out.
Dates? Never happen…unless in the daytime. During school hours.
I don’t think you are being oversensitive at all. It does a great disservice to actual single parents to pretend like solo-parenting for one week is actually comparable to being a single parent.
Yes, this mama did all of the parenting alone for one week but she was not solely responsible for earning money, paying bills etc., there was still another parent available to help care for the children.
Thanks for saying this in a nice way. I know Amber and most people don’t mean any harm when they say it, but its a pet peeve of mine too. I am a proud single parent 100% of the freaking time, and 1 week without a husband DOES NOT mean you get to be in the club!! The hard part of being a single parent isn’t the work load, or the scheduling craziness or the exhaustion. Its the fear. Of being THE ONLY ONE who loves your child like a parent loves, and everything that flows from that if one single thing goes wrong — with your health, or your job, or whatever. Sorry, its hard to explain. Its hard, and it hurts a little when it is made light of. I will now lighten the f*** up, carry on!!
I think this all the time, and also wish people wouldn’t use this phrase. It feels dismissive of what being a single parent really is about – which is not only the lack of a physical presence (or ‘extra hands’) for a week while your spouse on a trip but the ongoing lack emotional presence, or “partnership”…
PS – Until I was unexpectedly single, I tossed out this phrase whenever my husband traveled too…so I get that folks mean no harm when they say it…
As an actual single mom (with a full time job on top of all the rest), I also felt a little stung reading this, though it was also cute and funny. I go through the same basic cycle – gung-ho and organized to a big bottle of f*ckitall. Of course it isn’t so different than when I was married because my ex didn’t pull his weight around the house. I would only add that pity (“I don’t know how you do it! I could never!”) is also irritating. I know it’s not meant to be hurtful, but this is just my life. I don’t feel sorry for myself, and I don’t think my life sucks. There are unique challenges, but everyone has stuff to deal with. Sometimes it feels like people are pitying me to cover up for their fear that they might end up where I am – basically it makes them feel better (“at least I’m not you”). Just wanted to add that insight, for what it’s worth.
This is exactly what I was going to say. I’m also a single mum working full time, it’s hard work but I do it as I have no choice, it’s my life!
I’m a widowed single mom of 4 so yeah calling it single parenting doesn’t sit right to me either. The comments about not being able to do what I have done since my husband’s death always have me thinking in the back of my head things things I would never say outloud. They could never do what I’ve done, do they really mean they would have given their children up as they couldn’t parent them on their own?
Wow! I never thought of it that way. I never have and never would use that term, especially now. Thanks for the insight!
When my BFF’s hubby was deployed people would tell her “I don’t know how you do it, I couldnt!”, thinking that would make her feel stonger, braver, better than them. Well it didn’t, she hated when people said that….like what WOULD you do? Die? Give your kids up? I can’t do it either, but I DO! I have to. So, even though it was not me that told her that, now that I have heard that perspective I don’t even think that anymore.
Good job single moms and dads! Keep on trucking!
So agree with you. I have been a single parent. I am now mairried with 3 kids. When I first meet my DH he worked a lot. And went out of town a ton. When he was home I was spoiled. And now even more so. He come home every night and is home by dinner. There are still times he leaves and by no means would I ever use the term single parenting around this house. We call it “Survival mode” because I am just trying to survive when he is gone. On top of that I am a SAHM. So there is no break for me unless he is home. But total agree they are not one in the same.
Rebecca, I have so. much. respect. for single parents, and I certainly meant no ill-will or to demean what it’s like to REALLLY be a “single parent” with my post. It was a lighthearted look at my little slice of life, and me giving the true single parents out there a giant internet high five 🙂 But I totally understand your point of view and appreciate you for sharing it.
I am also a single mom – but I found the post to be hysterical!! thanks for the laugh.
when I first saw the title of the post, my first thought was, “she has no idea what it means to be a single mom”. Aside from that, it still made me chuckle. I am sure it would be hard being use to having 2 adults in the house to just …even if just for the week.
I absolutely agree! I’ve been on all sides of the fence. Single parent, married working parent and married stay at home parent. It drives me up the walls when I hear married parents refer to themselves as single parents. It’s a completely different scenario. I’ve got a friend whose husband works all the time so she refers to herself that way. Maybe she has more things to do around the house than a married parent whose partner helps, but I know every single parent would feel as though the weight of the world was lifted off their shoulders if all they had to worry about were the household responsibilities and financial responsibilities belonged to someone else. Until you do it all (house, work, finances, kids, I mean really truly ALL) by yourself then you don’t have a clue what its like being a single parent.
I am a single parent – no involvement by the Dad. I am Mom and Dad…solo provider financially, emotionally, physically, spiritually…it is difficult and quite frankly unless you have the financial resources and a lot of outside help….very, very, very stressful. There is no way to do it all so all is done 1/2 done. I can’t say that if I had it all to do it again that I wouldn’t do it because my daughter is such a blessing. But having a partner in this would certainly take some of the burden away. Even to have someone to talk to on the phone who is on a business trip can ease the burden…and that same person is handling a financial responsibility which is 1/2 the battle…..but you know…….”a mile in his moccasins” as the saying goes. We all have our trials…
I agree 🙂
we’re military, so the concept of a week makes me laugh. The concept is pretty close, but I think in months as opposed to days. Or even maybe just the first week they’re gone before you pull yourself together.
either way – I can understand that it’s difficult when you’re not accustomed to doing it. Hopefully we can all have our spouses around all the time more often 🙂
I call it ‘sometimes single parenting’ or ‘solo parenting’. Atleast I don’t have to be responsible for the income as well. Just keep them alive and relatively happy 🙂
I can only echo what the others have said – I completely agree with Rebecca. I’ve used the phrase myself without thinking it through, I think most of us have. Def it should be solo parenting rather than single parenting. Yay everyone for a civilised discussion!
Thanks for your comment, Rebecca.
While I thought the post was very funny (I’m waiting for my daughter at the dentist and feeling kind of stupid for laughing out loud in the waiting room . . .), I am an ONLY parent and I hate it when my neighbors tell me, “Well, I feel like a single parent because my husband travels for work all the time.” I want to say, “If you can call him when you need him, if he’s working to help you support the kids, if you know he’s coming home . . . then you are NOT a single parent.” I’ve been widowed for 6 years and have raised two kids–now teens–by myself. The stress of being responsible for not only every physical need but also every emotional need is exhausting. But my kids are turning out well, and so I occasionally indulge myself with a pat on the back, since no one else is going to do it!
I’ll pat you on the back :). You are amazing!! Well done, Momma!!
As a solo single mom myself, I will pat you on the back also. Cudos!!!
Sort of like when husbands go on business trips or work long hours and wives compare it to them being on a military deployment. Lost a Facebook “friend” for calling her out on that comparison when her husband was always gone at his job of teaching and coaching high school sports….. sorry. not the same thing, not even close, not even a teeny bit.
Rebecca, great reply! I feel the same. I also get upset when people refer to their “baby daddies” as “sperm donors” even when they conceived the old fashioned way. My daughter was “donor conceived” in a clinic, and I feel that this kind of statement belittles the process, and compares sperm donors to “dead-beat dads.” So as a single-mom to a donor-child, I am happy to hear people calling this out and drawing attention to this. Moms, we are all on the same team, no matter what our story! 🙂
Amen, Debby! What I like about all these comments is how supportive and respectful people are being, we all know Amber meant no harm, but its always good to be able to see from someone elses perspective. I hadn’t thought about the “sperm donor” comments, but those guys are really heroes when they result in a child like yours, we shouldn’t be calling deadbeat dads sperm donors. Perspective changed, thanks!!
Not nit-picky at all. I started being a single mom when my oldest was 8, youngest 4. I raised them on my own 24-7. The ex free from responsibility til a wkend here or there of camping, and other fun times. Meanwhile, I was the “meany” getting them to school, helping w/homework, teaching them right from wrong, disciplining, etc. I also got to laugh w/them at all the silly kid stuff. Now, I’m proud to say the I raised 3 amazing human beings, and am happily Nana to 8 grandkids. I wouldn’t have done it any other way. He now regrets missing it all.
That’s what keeps me going, Linda… The father of my 6yo quit on us less than a week after I found out I was pregnant (not before putting a _lot_ of pressure on me to have an abortion).
Now I know I’m biased, but I think my son is awesome and his father has missed out on a funny, sweet kid. Totally his loss.
No, you should say it because you have a very GOOD point…we don’t always function as well when our ‘relief pitcher’ isn’t available…but of course it isn’t the same as single parenting—not at all.
Oh my god, this was hysterical!!! I feel like I’m always living the Friday cartoon though!
I love it. thank you so much (and thanks for the link to the other blog- it is great- a new blog to subscribe to in my ‘feed’).
the part about the dog making a bed out of a pile of clean laundry is so true! then i have to figure out if clean clothes with dog hair on it (and wrinkled) are still clean! it’s always the biggest frustration when I try to get ready to go to work.
honestly- thank you also for helping me appreciate my mom and everything she did for me. she was a single parent after my dad passed away (cancer) when I was 5. it wasn’t until i was all grown up (with a kid) that I really appreciated what it took to raise me all by herself ! sadly I didn’t have a chance to tell her…
sorry I wasn’t trying to be depressing. I did really enjoy this post.
it reminded me of the time that was (almost forever) recorded on our answering machine. while i was on maternity leave, my husband called from work. i somehow picked up the phone just in time to have the answering machine record the entire conversation, with a screaming 3 week old in my arms. we saved it for a couple years until it was accidently deleted. we at least saved it long enough so that the toddler could hear himself screaming inconsolably.
Please stop spying on me and then posting about it! I understand this so well and it makes me feel like such a wimp! I have several single parent friends that get the job done well! I try to remind myself of this when I am in my temporary single parenthood times. But yes, it ends up with the same downward spiral for me. Thank you for making me feel less wimpy and less alone : )
I’m a full time single mom and it can be very stressfull sometimes, luckily I have my job to get away to, that gives me a nice break some times 🙂
I snorted at the Thursday picture. That was me yesterday (hubs out of town)…the only thing missing from the picture was Magic Mike on a big screen tv (released on DVD yesterday, yo).
My husband is out of town right now and my 6 month old and I both have sinus infections (but strangely not the preschooler…) and I related to this blog so very, very much. Especially the phone calls and the dog making a bed in the laundry (every time I put clothes clean or dirty anywhere – instant dog bed!). I call my mom and thank her for the time she spent as a single mom every time my husband leaves town. Thanks for the blog!
You nailed it, Jill and Amber! This is it, exactly.
I just laughed out loud AND snorted! Freakin hysterical–shared with my mom who somehow raised two girls w/o family nearby, at 25 yrs old. Go moms!!
OMG I’m crying…this is hilarious and so true! Thank you for the afternoon laugh!
As a military Mother I totally identify my kid freaks out when Daddy goes away and wakes several times in the night where he wouldn’t normally, this goes on till Thursday, unfortunately the husband is normally home friday, and we have more wake ups to the toddler checking daddy is still there. Then he leaves again on Monday and the great cycle continues…
Oh, this is my life when my husband is out of town except I have 4 children (3 under 4 1/2)
I’ve recently become a single parent (my partner and my son’s father walked out on us) and it’s been a struggle and a heartbreak, every day-but there are those days when everything clicks and it’s wonderful. I aim for those days as much as possible, and lean on my son’s cuteness, high fives, and flexibility when I can’t reach those perfect days.
Hang in there! You are being strong for your boy, and he will love you for it forever!
This is so my week right now…the sad part is that my mom even comes up to help (which is such a blessing!) and I still can’t keep it together!
This made my day!!! I just picked my husband up from the airport last night after a week as a single parent!! My laundry is still in the basket beside the dryer
Good lord, every day is Thursday for me! 1, 2, and 4 year old, and a husband who works and goes to school full time. Life sucks. Cold hot dogs for everyone!
That’s the life of a military wife just condensed down to a week. Thanks for making me laugh! I do remember one time when my hubby was in Guam because his boat pulled in there. He was whining, A LOT. And it was about stupid things like having to wait for his ride and having a mediocre dinner sans kids. I had a 12 yr old, a 2 yr old and 3 month old by myself. I told him he was annoying me, to shut the hell up, and then I told him I had to go and change a crappy diaper. Click.
Ha ha ha ha ha!
Coming from a Mom of 4, going on the 7th week of Dad being gone, working out of state, and looking at another 4 weeks; this blog was just what the Dr. ordered! I’m glad i’m not the only Mom out there that does this! Laughing till you cry is a good way to avoid crying outright. 🙂
Ha ha I have sooooo been there! I am feeling your pain. And it just seems that whenever my husband leaves town, BAD things happen. I have had a child hospitalized for dehydration, appliances quit, animals escape, the basement floods with sewage. BAD STUFF! Not to mention that I just have an extreme lack of motivation while he is gone.
The one business trip he had recently, he got shingles. Some people get colds, he got shingles. That only complicated my nonmotivation by the time he got back. I’m glad it didn’t kill him, I don’t think I could be a single parent either.
My hubby wrecked and totalled his truck about 6 hours before he was leaving for a week long trip! I was 4 months preggo and had a 3 y/o, and I work full time. I had to take care of all that nonsense and do the solo-parenting thing. That was the most inopportune timing!
OMG! This is sooo spot on! My husband travels a lot for work and this is exactly how my weeks without him play out. I am also a craft blogger and mom to 2 so this couldn’t be any more perfect! Thank you so much for the laugh as I am now mingling a little too long on Facebook and ignoring the pile of dishes in the sink 🙂
This was hilarious! Right up there with the rest of the Crappy blog stories!!!
To the reader that is offended… I just want to say that when we say we married couples say we are a single parent for the week, it is not said to take away from your real life as a single parent, but rather, we are getting a glimpse of what it WOULD be like. If anything, it’s a hats off to people who ARE single parents full time!
Oh wow, a week. Tough. Try a year with your man at war. Then we’ll talk about stress.
I don’t think this was meant to be tit for tat…it was light-hearted although I do appreciate your bf/husband’s service and your sacrifice immensely.
We are all grateful for both of your sacrifices, for all military who do single parenting most of the year(s) of raising children!!
Seriously? Why do so many people feel the need to do this? You know ‘oh well MY life is so much harder, you should try living my life…” blah fucking blah. The original blog was not trying to tell everyone how hard she has it, it was a light hearted post, made for people to LAUGH. Way too many people feeling sorry for themselves aand needing to ‘upman’ themselves with how ‘hard’ they have it compared to others. Shits me!
I totally get this post! Although I work PT T-W and of course the days I work are when my husband is out of town. Nanny comes early and I still have to scrabble to get home, wash diapers, play, make dinner, bathtime, bedtime, clean, and clean some more…sometimes I miss traveling for work 🙂
PS I STILL have piles of clean laundry a week later!
This is kind of not the point, but does Jill really have a bra that color? Or do you, Amber? Where did you get that??
Seriously, this is great and every mom can relate.
Using my x-ray vision on her photographs I discerned the colors of Jill’s bras. Either that or I just picked a purdy color for her.
You have x-ray vision? That must come in handy with kids! 😀
I want one that color now!
of course, this is why you are a genius…your drawings are sooooo much fun! one stray hair out-of-place shows so much!
That is my week every week, as a single mom. I used to keep it together more, somehow. Although i have days to myself, i dont seem to do my house duties on those either because i enjoy that extra time before (sleeping in til 630) and working out or something, leaving the laundry to linger more. But we are alive, happy, and by the time the kids are back on friday i will have more clean underwear in their drawer, so its all good.
You left out the phone convo where you break down crying. My husband was in Africa for 2 weeks last year. They are usually in the woods near rivers cause they have to catch fish. He called at one point at unplanned time and his first words were “Have you heard anything?” My mind immediately jumps to Government overthrown, civil war breakout, you know the calm stuff. Basically they lost contact with one of the guys and thought he might have called me. Next convo was him saying their van driver hadn’t come back when he was supposed to and they didn’t know where he was. Oh and that a ferry they were supposed to take had been sabatoged. Next convo was me sobbing cause I was so worried about his safety. At which point he knew he had screwed up and called much more often than he normally does b/c he knew I was freaked out. Yeah, I would never survive as a military wife. My hat is off to you ladies that are!
Yes! Exactly this. This was my life the year my husband was deployed, and still is during drill weekends, his annual training, and any further obligations the military has for him. But it is slightly different… Ever since the deployment, my kids become emotionally handicapped little monsters any time they see him put on his uniform. Even if it’s just drill weekend (Friday night-Sunday evening), there are massive and irrational meltdowns, serious attitude problems, nightmares and the bloodcurdling screams that follow, and random episodes of bed-wetting and/or forgetting how to use the bathroom. (I kid you not, I have to stand there telling my son how to pee in the toilet or he will wet himself. Thankfully he has loud, crazed whimpers before one of these incidents so I’m usually awake.) This time around, in addition to the standard issues, I’ve also got a toddler who is trying to cut 8 teeth all at once, most of which are molars. Yay! So fun.
You are strong. I admire you
Hugs! You are an incredibly strong woman!
OMG I AM SO GLAD IT IS NOT JUST ME. Except monday never happens!!!! More crying. More anger inflicted on husband. SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO SLEEP BY YOURSELF IN A HOTEL ROOM ALL NIGHT LONG. THAT MUST BE SO HARD ON YOU.
Lol. I’m so sorry dear that you got to eat a meal savoring every bite, lay down in a comfortable bed, and sleep until the alarm goes off, and then wake and take a nice warm slow luxurious shower. Must be SOOOO terrible. 😉
This could NOT be more accurate my husband is gone 1-2 weeks out of the month and we’re currently one day one 😉
This is hilarious! I can totally relate! I am a military wife of a three year old, 18 month old and three months preggo. My husband has been on two long-term deployments to the Middle East in the past six years (one 18 month tour of Iraq and one 400 day tour of Kuwait and Afghanistan) as a combat medic. This is totally our life when he is gone!!! LOL! I love this blog; it encourages me to laugh at myself (and my kids!) because life is no fun when it’s “perfect.”
I’ve been reading Baby Rabies for a while, and I love this post!
Have to say, since I’m a single mom, this is pretty much my entire life, without the calls with a husband and add in a few calls to my mom.
Somehow I manage to recharge on the weekend.
Hahahaha, omg, this is hilarious and completely how I feel!!
My husband’s in the Navy and deployments can be a hellish time of “solo parenting” because, as most military moms will know, when your other-half’s away, you’re it. But having experienced a few now with a youngster at home, I am sheer awe of single parents. How you do it every day, I don’t know. Bravo to each and every one of you!
Oh yes, exactly! Props to the full-time single parents out there! One thing that helps me delay the downward spiral is to host a playdate at the end/middle of the week. It keeps me motivated to keep the house clean and provides much needed adult convo!
About 3 days into my husband’s first business trip I called a friend who’s a single mom and told her how amazing she is.
It is so good to know that this happens to others too!
hahaha… Mood: “fuck it.” I give props to any *single* parent out there! I couldn’t do it!!
You couldn’t? What would you do if something happened to your husband (god forbid)? Leave the kids at the fire station or something? You could, and you would, believe me. You do what you have to do for your kids.
as a former military spouse, i totally get this. of course i still have the fuck it mood while im with my current dude…we have 4 kids and he works a lot. some things need wine, mom, and fuck it. lol
Perfectly described! Although, you did forget the moment when husband comes back and dumps his weeks worth of laundry on top of the backed up pile. 😉
OMG that’s my life, too. Only in a moment of absolute insanity, this time round I decided to take on a move. As in move to a different house. Without my husband. What was I thinking?
People who are at Day 1 all the time (or appear to be so on facebook) should be slapped 😀
My husband has been deployed for a couple of months, and this is exactly how things are…and will be until he’s back!
Except you ARENT A SINGLE PARENT> ugh. you do what you can, the rest can wait.
Lol! I love this blog, but I’ve gotta be honest, in that when my husband leaves to go out of town, everything kind of relaxes. I don’t have to make regular dinners (My kids are cool with homemade pizza rolls and mac and cheese), and I don’t have to smile and be cheerful when I’m tired any grumpy. Probably has something to do with the fact that my kids are homeschooled and old enough to entertain/take care of themselves, at least to some degree. My bigger irritation is when he comes home bragging about the food, and the stuff he saw/did and doesn’t bother to ask how WE were. Ugh. Ok, I’m more irritated about it than I thought now that I wrote it down. Lol!
This is my life! Seriously. My husband has been traveling a lot this year and this happens to me every time. I relate to some of the others talking too about the fancy dinners they ate, and me eating frozen pizza. LOL. And we are a military family. 🙂
My husband and both work full time and so our household and childcare duties are pretty evenly split during a normal, so when he goes out of town, I feel completely ill prepared, because I am not used to doing it all. The last time he went away for a week, I posted on Facebook that by Thursday I had not cried yet – and I was so proud of myself. One of my friends thought that I cried because I just love and miss my husband soooo much. Naw, I just hate all the freaking work I have to do when he’s not here pulling his weight!! Then I feel SOO guilty about how lazy I must seem!
Thanks so much letting me know that I am not alone, and that stronger women than me, break down too.
LOL, I had to look up at the top of this post to make sure I didnt write it, and forgot. Ditto this for me!
I’d kill myself by slowing drowning in the mess around me if I had to try to work from home AND deal while the Hubby is away…Heck no! He works lots, LOTS of crazy hours, like 6am-10pm(might as well be gone. At least you don’t come home and make a phantom mess before you dissapear again) Sigh…..so, I SO get this! At least I know I’m not alone when I shake the pet hair off the “clean” clothes, shove the kids into them and justify it by telling myself, “Heck, they are boys, they’ll be a mess in 30 minutes anyhow. Who cares if they show up to school in wrinkled, cat hair covered clothes. That crap was clean. Clean I TELL YOU!” hmmm….where is that WINE!?
Ha ha ha!You just made me remember how the kids would come home from school all covered with black PAINT! No, kids do not need clean clothes to get dirty in….while they are at school.Save the clean clothes for photos with the relatives!
Spot on! I usually go through this daily but there has been times my husband is away for up to 2 months… plays out the same way.
Yay! yet another funny mommy blogger to follow! I love this post, and I love you for introducing us to more moms who remind us how to find humor in everyday life with kids. Finally, take it from me, an almost 53 year old mom with grown kids and grandkids, that Jill’s blog “A letter to my 51 year old self” is EXACTLY what it’s like.
Only now I get to treasure all those moments with my granddaughters that I may have let slip by now and then with my own children. This is why grandparents are so patient, so loving, and so apt to spoil – because we remember the good stuff and appreciate it even more now.
DYING. I LOVE THIS.
You have obviously been spying on me.
My husband has been working 2 jobs, meaning he’s gone 4 out of 5 weekdays from 7 til midnight so I’ve been indulging myself with what I like to call “f*ck it.fridays”.
Are the kids watching too much tv from a pile of laundry wearing nothing but underwear (maybe) and eating things from under the couch? F*ck it, its Friday. (I don’t have my own car so the space madness hits a little heavy around here). I set my expectations low so that merely surviving the day is an accomplishment.
I think “brinf home wine” is my number 1 spoken phrase in conversation with hubbs. I should print it on a tshirt, or maybe tattoo it to my forehead.
This was literally my week this past 5 days… except there was that trip to the ER with my 13m old for intussusception.
Omigosh. Awesome. I’m there with ya sister, with a husband who’s on the road a lot. I always get catty, too, when he brings home presents from the airport. He had time to SHOP. ALONE. Must be nice!
My husband goes on business trips too, but we call them year long deployments and phone calls at 5 in the afternoon “sorry honey but I”m not coming home tonight. I”ll see you in a few days.” You’re not a single parent unless you raise your children everyday year in and year out. I usually love this blog, but this post I found pretty offensive.
Don’t forget the mysterious things in the house that start beeping at 3am and might require a hammer, battery, or ladder.
My husband works nights, and so even on the weekends (which aren’t my weekends) he sleeps most of the day. Our work schedules sometimes overlap, so he doesn’t come home until after I leave for work, and then when I get home occupy our son for an hour until he wakes up, makes himself breakfast, takes a shower and then leaves for work, sometimes without even coming downstairs to say goodbye (he is NOT a ‘morning’ person!). Basically there are long stretches of time where the main clue that I’m still married is that there is more laundry to do, more dirty dishes left in the sink, and a pile of dirty socks in the livingroom. So from time to time I break down in pity and consider myself an “all-but-single parent”. But then I hang out with my TRULY single friends and family and realize that YES, sometimes my husband can watch our son for long enough for me to take a shower. YES, sometimes my husband can wake up long enough to run some errands, vaccumn the carpet or pick our son up from daycare if I have to stay late at work. But then when I thank him for all that he does, and say how grateful I am to have him in my life, my hubby looks at me like I’m crazy and says “Me? I don’t do anything!” 😛
I’m always relieved to know that when my dh goes away for a weekend or longer, he gets his suck on worse than I ever will. My job is cleaning up after the house and the kids, but I NEVER EVER have to carry a 65 lb ruck over 10+ miles at warp speed, and I always have a soft bed to sleep in (he may have to sleep on the cold ground). That said, I LOVED this post, and find myself letting the laundry pile up, and the meals to be quite lackluster–the kids don’t seem to give a shit what I feed them (or what it looks like), as long as it is something they like.
Only thing missing is completely blowing up about something that spills. Because something ALWAYS spills.
Five. Times. A. Day.
Also, thank you for the acknowledgement for the ladies who have to do this stuff for longer than a week at a time. My last “sentence” was for a month, and my current “sentence” is for 6 months plus travel time. Lots of yelling and it hasn’t been a week yet.
This was freakin’ hilarious!! I’m a full-time working single mom and I can relate except that my timeline in compressed into the hours of 5:30am and 7:45am and then 6:30pm – midnight. The hills are alive with the sound of music… until the chasing, begging, whining, screaming, all before we’ve left the house. Going to work and daycare have saved my sanity!
Props to all my single moms and dads out there. Our kids prove to us that we can do anything!
And don’t forget the list of a million things that “need to get done” on the weekend. 😉
It has gotten to the point now that I skip ‘Monday’ and ‘Tuesday’ and go straight to ‘Wednesday’. But most times I am Thursday with the the convo with DH.
Oh man, as a single mom, a day at home without any children is like a vacation!!! I’ve also been doing this since day 1. It’s not so bad, I get to make all of the decisions 🙂 Just remind yourself that the laundry will get done, things will get cleaned, the most important thing is snuggles and time with the little ones!!
This is SO my life!
I love the starting point – so optimistic and hopeful for the week – and how quickly it is quashed. Utterly hilarious ladies.
Also, a big hats off to the ones that really do rocking being single parent. I can’t imagine and have so much respect for you all.
Thank you, Cris. That means a lot <3
This is just classic shit.
Yep, feel this way just about every day….when DH is home.
Oh boy. My husband just started traveling for work. This is a funny look at my life! The difference for me is that on Friday I am encouraging everyone to clean and get things back in order so that he’ll actually WANT to come home!
My husband also travels for work. I feel your pain.
Oh how I love this blog…my husband doesn’t go away for his job, but I can relate to this a little bit. He has crazy hours, like leave for work at 2 p.m. and then doesn’t get home until 3 a.m. And then because he can’t fall asleep right away, he may not go to bed until 5. And so then he might roll out of bed anywhere from 11 to noon…So that leaves me doing a lot of taking care of our children, a 5 year old girl who is in kindergarten, and a 5 month old baby boy, by myself…plus the mountain of laundry (why is it that every fucking time I get it done and think, yay, done with that for a couple days, I turn around and there is another pile), dishes, cleaning, bill paying, scraping play doh off the kitchen floor, don’t forget to feed the dog so she doesn’t starve, blah blah blah…sigh…
This is hilarious and so true! Usually on Monday I am excited for Friday to come so I can tell my husband how well I’m managing this time. Inevitably that wears off by Friday and I hate him for leaving again.
I’m single, no kids, no animals and I can totally relate to this post. I’ve had the day from hell today and all I want is to consume gin by the bucketload. And I had the conversation with my mother “no, I’m just tired”.
I applaud all parents!
This has been me for the last 3 years! But I have 4 kids, 6 years old twin, and a 3 year old and a 6 month old. LOL! Its so true!
Yes! YES! YESSSS! This is my life. 3 kids, 2 puppies. My husband travels almost every week for at least half the week. He has been gone somewhere around a week now: I have stopped counting. I flying solo in “BioHazard patrol & screw everything else” mode. All hail Microwave dinners!
haha omg this is soo my life every time my husband leaves for anything military. especially then “must be nice to HAVE to go to dinner with adults”
That is my week, every week lol Thanks for making me not feel like such a skitso with all the mood changes lol
Ok, so when my husband is out of town for a week or even just the weekend, I start planning and preparing the week before and I try to keep my system going so that things don’t get out of hand and stressful, but they always go to pot by the end.
However when my husband has to watch our daughter for a few hours like if I run errands or get my hair done every 4 months, he acts like he should get a prize. And forget about how we’ve ever done stuff before, he just wings it and everything turns out rosy. He never has any problems… oh yeah, he’s not worried about keeping the house clean or buying groceries or cooking meals… guess it’s not so hard to watch football the entire time with no guilt.
That’s our problem. We have too much guilt. Well, guilt can suck it hard. I’m out.
Whew, I feel better…
I have to make sure that my husband reads this when he gets home today–just so he understands that I am not the only wife in the world who suddenly becomes a bitch when he leaves for a week. Yeah, I get that you miss us and want to come home and sleep in your own bed, but that does not excuse the conversations we have that discuss the delicious lunches and dinners you got to eat that–and here’s the catch–you didn’t have to cook first!
My husband has been working away ALL YEAR. This means that five days a week I am a single mother.
Sadly, this blog post is my life.
Again, hilarious! But I’m a little ticked off at you Amber! I am NEVER gonna get anything else done because I’m spending all my time reading all these ridiculously hilarious bloggers you keep introducing to us! Curses, Amber! (heehee, the last couple ones I nearly peed my pants from laughing, so I’ll blame that on you too when it happens). 😉
this reminds me of the hyperbole and a half post By Allie Brosh: This is why I will never be an adult. http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/06/this-is-why-ill-never-be-adult.html if you have not read this blog post, go. there. now. Your welcome. CLEAN ALL THE THINGS?? INTERNET FOR EVER!!!!!
hyperbole and a half is the most funny thing I have ever read in my life!! Amber, I am sure you’ve seen her stuff as yours is very similar. I sure do wish she would come around and post something, I wonder about her well being.
Thank you, Ceri!! I just sent this to my soon-to-be-married daughter and future spouse. I loved it!!
OMG I joke about being a single married mother all the time! My husband drives truck and is gone for 2 weeks at a time. What is really scary though is when I got to the Wednesday picture, looked up from my laptop and laughed out loud. My dog was laying on my newly washed towels on the chair. LOL
Yup, my life 95% of the time. Wine is good.
That was me last week! then DH came home on Sunday, and he says: “I’m leaving Wednesday for four days.” :O
I had called it “single parenting” for a long time until I saw someone make that comment that it offended real single parents, so now I call it “going solo” although I like the “solo parenting” idea better. 🙂
I agree that it isn’t the same, because you know that there will be an end to it. It still isn’t easy for any mom!
Oh wow…. I wish I wouldn’t have gone thru and read all the other posts. I think from now on Amber I will just look at the pictures. When did parenting become a contest? I believe that Jill also said that She is in AWE of single parents so….why the attacks?! The Human race is really starting to frustrate me. Why can’t we collaborate and share our experiences instead of having people bitch and point fingers about how they have it so much worse than someone else? It makes me sick to my stomach.
I was just about to say the same thing.
Oh, Jessica…I said at my post down a bit that I am glad for the glass of wine raised in our (single parents’) honor, and I am.
But in reading the replies, I don’t think anyone’s having a My Parenting Is Harder Than Yours contest…it’s just…this kind of post starts out cute, for those of us who do this All Day Every Day, then you get to reading the comments and the resentment just builds up. I am guessing that my fellow single parents feel the same way I do– I don’t think about How Hard It Is, because it’s just what I do, this solo parenting…until someone brings up the “Oh no, my hubby is gone for a week and I’m ALL ALONE, this is SO HARD”…and that just opens up a floodgate of what exactly is hard about solo parenting and oh how I wish I had someone coming in a week to help! That’s all it is. Just…it’s really, really hard being alone ALL.THE.TIME. and some of us did not choose this, but it’s not like we can (or would!) send the kids back! It’s just resentment and jealousy that’s always there….just, kept under wraps and in that little secret box in our hearts till someone brings up this kind of thing. Then it can be a roaring beast. It’s not personal against anybody on here.
Pamela, I don’t think she was speaking to you in particular. I was thinking the same thing though its like people were trying to one-up each other with the labels they chose for themselves. Single Parent, Only Parent, Single Mom, Solo Parent, Full Time Working Single Mom, Military Wife/Mom, Single Parent-Not by choice, Single Parent-By choice, and on and on… Then when other people try to say they admire them for doing it that is the wrong thing to say also…
You can’t seem to win here…
Right on Jessica. You know what? It doesn’t matter what kind of parent you are-single, married, FIFO, military etc etc-EVERYONE has hard days. And if someone is blogging about a rough week, and taking a light hearted look at it, it’s not to take the ‘crown’ away from the REAL hardest done by parents, (cos you know, there’s always someone harder done by thaan you-it’s the law of parenting). Kudos to EVERY bloody parent who loves their kids and does the best they can by them.
Jessica, I totally agree with you.
To quote Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.”
Yep! My hubby is the SAHP in the family and he totally rocks it! Especially since I work out of town every week. The tables were turned only twice and this post captures it. It could also be because, in my naivete, I thought that taking the kids somewhere fun every day would make it easier on me. How wrong I was! Thanks for the laugh.
Sounds about right!
I’m pretty sure I’ve looked like Wednesday’s picture every morning since I can remember…
About to share this with all my defence mum friends! My hat goes off to all the single parents who have to do this every day. My husband is in defence and often away for many months at a time and it’s really hard work! Turns out I’m actually not superwoman… But at least I know at the end of it that he will return home. He’s actually just got back from a trip away and our nearly 3 year old is deliriously happy to see him, I was unceremoniously dumped the minute he walked through the door, just the way I should be 🙂
Congrats on another fabulous collaboration, just brilliant!
I’ve got to say this post rubs me the wrong way. All of the woe is me “single moms for a week” or a “day” really get no sympathy from me. I work full time and have since my daughter was 4 months old. Daycare, book fairs, playdates, mommy and me music class, practicing law, doing laundry, taking care of the dog, figuring out the birthday party, turning the crib into a toddler bed, worrying about how to travel with a toddler on a required work trip on a state employee’s salary that doesn’t cover double childcare or a travelling nanny.
A nap! A nap while the kids are a preschool and I don’t have to work! Please GOD give me your Wednesday. Do you have any idea how LUXURIOUS a day like Friday would be? A day to accomplish NOTHING? Not. An. Option. for a true, real life, actual single parent who not only has to care for her child(ren) but also find a way to pay for their house, food, clothes, and laundry.
And not to mention having that person on the phone who loves your child as much as you do and can share the responsibility for deciding how to raise her. That is huge.
In short. Cry me a river. It’s 5:21. I’m off to daycare, then Wednesday night supper at church, then home to feed the dogs, give the toddler a bath, put her to bed, throw some clothes in the wash….
sorry, didn’t mean this as a reply to Rachel.
I mean Rebecca. Really, leaving now!
Sometimes this all happens in a matter of One day ha! Start off like a star, crashing and angry at the hubs by 10pm lol
Something that occurred to me was that at least you don’t have that extra kid to take care of (you know the one that made you a single parent for the week).
that’s exactly what i thought! i used to be a single parent of one, now a married parent of two, and in many ways the hardest time of all of it is just my normal everyday life now. my oldest was 5 when i met my husband, and while those first 5 years had ups and down, they weren’t as difficult as people would expect it to be. you just get on with it because you have to. now when my husband is away on work trips i don’t have that same daily reliance on him to get things done, and its actually a bit of a relief to know that i’ve got all the essentials covered. also i don’t have to do all that extra washing (until he brings it home for me) and i cook one meal and eat leftovers the next three days – no thinking of what to have for dinner, bliss!
also – ‘tolerating the kids like a pro’ – love love love, and great work as always on the pics xx
I don’t to be one of those preachy single parents but I will be.
One week, with another parent at the end of a phone, who is coming back, who provides finacially.
It didn’t used to make me mad, but I’ve heard it too many times know. ‘I know exactly what it’s like, my husband/wife works late, went away for a week, etc etc’
You didn’t loose half your support network, most of your friends, all of your free time and your heart, and still carry on providing a warm loving stable home for your child, you just had to cope for one week without having someone to talk to, and even that you had.
Next time you are on holiday, and there is a single parent, try to talk to them,you have no idea how much we need to talk to adults and have a holiday too. Most marrieds ignore us, like it’s contagious, or we are about to steal your other half. At least offer to look at the kid whikst the parent has a pee. Have you ever tried to get a three year old out of a play area or pool to go to the bathroom with you.
Rant kinda over.
My mom was a single parent. I can’t add much, just sending you hugs 🙂
Or they’re “too busy” with their own intact families to bother with us…and we always seem needy. Which, in fact, we are, but are mostly too brave to admit it. Feel ya, mrs wormwood…me, too. Me, too.
Glad you said it so I don’t have to … I’m a single mom, solo since day 1 (before actually, I gave birth with a nurse as my “friend” in the room) … my son has never met his father, he has never received a penny, a birthday card, a letter. And it is not because I am a terrible person, it is because his father is an immature person, and from another country, so he could legally run away leaving me holding the bag. Try doing all of this “stuff” while still trying to provide all financial support, make all decisions, etc. etc. I honestly don’t get this post … I do all this stuff every week and I don’t see any of it as things that require two parents – if you are a stay at home mom, your hubby shouldn’t need to do any of these things … what’s so hard about laundry and dishes? I am currently an “at home mom” living off of my retirement savings so that I can enjoy some time with my little man before Kindergarten. I love it! I think it is the most fun in the world … I just don’t get all the complaining … be happy you have the luxury of this being your ONLY job. Done now … I guess I did have a little to add. And yes, I get that it is supposed to be funny … and it is, just don’t even begin to think you understand because you took care of your kids for one week on your own after prepping for it before the other adult left the scene. Oh, and FYI … the last time I went out with other adults and no kids … May … almost 6 months ago.
Love this so much I cannot even express it properly.
I get this all too well! Love your crappy pictures. I hope your hubby comes home soon!
My Husband is a pilot, I sooooo get this! If they have been fed and they have clean clothes I consider it an accomplished day.
change weeks to months and then add Monday again for a month only like a crazy person getting ready for homecoming and that’s military spouse during deployment. you could have just listed the moods
this is crap
ef it. more wine!
it’s like you are all reading my mind and living my life. And I only have one. And she (and hubby’s absence) pulls “fuck” out of me more than anything else in the world. So glad I’m not alone. And so much respect to the single mom/dads!
Oh, this is how it used to be at our house, too.
Now… My Princess and I have declared Daddy free weeks to be slack off zone from Day 1. We have soup and sandwiches all week, try to only use dishes that go in the dishwasher and since we have the TV to ourselves, we play the wii or watch movies at night. Then we sleep in the loungeroom with all the cats. At the end of the week, our beds are still made, I am not exhausted, Princess is happy and Hubby comes home to a happy wife instead of the depressed, teary mess he used to. 😉
Wow. I love this idea!
Like having a roomie!
Hahaha! LOVE it! The dog on the laundry pile, the husband “having” to “attend dinner with other adults”! This made me laugh! Already counting down to this weekend!
Thank you for the raising of the glass of wine to those of us who do this more than on a weekly basis. I took it personally and thank you for recognizing it.
I have been solo parenting it for nearly 12 years, and add VERY high need ADHD kid to the pile. Alone. Every day. I know no other way. My life is your Wednesday on. There is no “catch up”.
It’s not always bad…there are shining moments. But honestly, many days are really, really bone crushing hard. What I wouldn’t give for it to be temporary, to know someone is coming home in a week to relieve me.
Wish I’d read this before I posted my rant … Best to you : ) This is exactly how I feel.
Each one of your collaborative posts have ruffled some feathers. I guess it shows how much we like YOUR writing!
Not that I didn’t enjoy this one, I did. I also enjoyed a couple of the others but looking forward to just your posts again.
Oh my gosh, I don’t think I ever could have fully appreciated the truth to this post until this current stretch in my life. My hubby is away for the first time ever, and it’s for THREE weeks!
Did I mention I have FOUR boys aged 10 and under?! And one of them has ADHD. *sigh* 6 more days – I CAN DO THIS!
And a big hats off to all the truly single parents out there. I simply cannot imagine having to be the sole provider / decision maker / cook / cleaner / homework-helper / comforter / nighttime duty person / taxi driver / boo-boo fixer and every other job we as parents have to do day in and day out. You are truly remarkable individuals who I sincerely hope get to have a nice break every once in a while!
I am a single mum for about give weeks a year. It was terrible when my kidlets were smaller but I do love that we get a super tight schedule … Much easier now they’re older. My upmost respect for anyone who does the single parenting full time!
I reach the “fuck it” stage at about 6:00pm most evenings, and my husband comes home at 6:30pm every night.
I clearly am a total parenting wuss.
This is me only 5 pm, I give up – TV to keep them occupied till daddy gets there at 5:20. He is a rock star at playing and by then they are bathed, fed, clipped, brushed, clothes out for the next day, lunches made, kitchen clean….all done (without being seen) by me. It works. 🙂
To all the ‘you get no sympathy from me’ people: Really?! You have been given nothing but sympathy in this thread. And frankly, no one is asking for it from you. This is not a ‘who has it worse’ competition, it’s a humor blog. We are all here reveling in the shared experiences, whatever our circumstances are. And it may help you to remember that someone always has it worse than you, but chooses not to share it with the world. Or maybe it doesn’t help you at all… Idk.
Yeah, I agree that she shouldn’t have called it single parenting, cause its not….but all the grief comments….a little much. The first one said it well and Amber acknowledged and said she hadn’t thought of it that way, thanks for pointing out, done. I respect them, but this post is just not about their specific situation, its about a lady whos hubby is out of town for a week, and its funny, that is all. 🙂
OMFG!!!!!! this is so my life right now!!! my husband announced that he was required to work up north for 3-4 days out of the 5 day working week which means that he is now working 7 days a week to catch up with all the other jobs that have been pushed to the back burner. the joys of running your own business… BUT the thing about this is that i am trying to find tenants to move into our house as we just bought a way awesomer one right on the beach…! so i put an ad on-line and posted the pics… mess and all and thought F^*K it! this is how my life is atm get over it! the husband calls at night whilst away… between his pub/counter meals and beers & games of * ball with the colleagues…! i totally get the annoyance and i am not afraid to say I’M SO BLOODY JEALOUS!!!!!! *rant over* i’m glad i’m not alone…!
8 ball… not *ball..!
my hubby is gone for 2+ weeks at a time. this time will be for 2 months. glad i now have a term for this time: “solo-parenting”… my accomplishments are always on task but my mood definitely deteriorates but by the week instead. 3 weeks is about my max for being “chill” & if PMS intervenes it may be less. PMS makes me want to eat my own young 😛
Amber, it sounds like you use the term “solo-parenting” yourself as a tip of the hat to real single parenting. Perhaps it would go a long way to making that ring true and to making it feel better to a lot of really stretched moms out there if you and Jill changed the blog post title to “what a week as a solo-parent looks like.” As a gesture of solidarity as it were 🙂 Just a thought.
F*ck, heah! It’s Wednesday and I have a Friday attitude.
And there’s laundry on the couch for the cat’s bed.
Thank God for pinterest, the internet and TV to waste my limited time.
Love your posts Amber. Jill I will def be coming over to read your site too. I think every mother can identify with feeling overwhelmed and under appreciated at times irrespective of their marital or relationship status. Parenting is no cake walk, whether you are a single mumma, solo for a little while mumma, or a mumma with a full time partner- well done for being you! Alicia Keys sings (in ref to being a woman and mother) “even when I’m a mess, I still put on that vest with an S-yeah I’m a superwoman”
Personally, my hat is off to all mothers everywhere, we all have our own unique challenges- mumma’s = superheroes in my book.
*S on my chest
Tried to type and nurse- not the best time to multitask
Ha! I love how you draw her looking more frumpy each day with a slightly thicker midsection happening. Just how my self image works, too, when things are in disarray! You are so clever with your drawings and the little details.
Reading this post and comments has made me think of ikatbag’s custom tshirt:“i cook dinner.” (reverse:) “what’s your superpower?”.
We all deserve one of those.
I’m laughing so hard I’m crying. EXACTLY how my week goes when hubby is away. I’m sharing this post with him!
My favorite part:
Mood: This is crap.
Phone convo with the husband: “Can I call you back later… I sort of hate you right now.”
I sent this to my husband. His response? “Hey! YOU’VE said that to me.” He was referring to Thursday’s phone call.
We have two littles, 18 months and almost 3. I am so thankful for my kids and husband, but I know there are days that I am still exhausted.
This is an honest question. NOT a sarcastic one.
Why all the single mothers ?
After all I’ve read on here, it seems that the single parent lifestyle is a very, VERY hard one. So why would you choose to have children with a man you were not going to spend the rest of your life with ? I mean I dated lots of losers in my 20’s but would not have even CONSIDERED breeding with them. Darwin would not have called them a “viable mate”
Obviously, some women tragically lose their husbands too early and of course there are those men that just one day up and say, “See-ya!” ( Rat Bastards) BUT……. have any of the women on here CHOSEN this single parent lifestyle ?
Because if they have…….I would think there would be less pulling of hair and knashing of teeth.
Like I said, it is an honest question and I truly would like to know the answer.
Me and my husband had been going out for 10 years and married for 4 before we started trying for a child. We tried for nearly 4 years before we got pregnant. My husband started his affair before my daughters first birthday. I continued to live with him and try, for the sake of the child and because I loved him, despite the fact he would go to his mistress’s house for weekends.
In a way I did chose the single parent route, I could have continued to live with a lying cheating (swear word) but when he chose to stay with his mistress rather than come home and help me look after our daughter with chicken-pox I asked him to leave.
And, to be fair, the married ‘single for a week’ parents are also choosing that lifestyle. I chose a husband that was not up to the job of being a parent, and they chose a partner that was going to be absent for some time.
In fact, to be fair, those that marry a military spouse always know that there will be periods when they will be away, so go in with more open eyes than me, who assumed that the man I married and went to fertility treatment with, would stick by us.
I have got sympathy for military spouses, the stress they go through is something I could not comprehend, which I why I would never say, ‘I know what it’s like to be a military spouse, my husband went on a paintballing weekend once’. NOT THE SAME
Some of us didn’t choose to end up alone. You do know that none of us can control another person’s actions, right? Some fathers prove to be irresponsible even though their previous actions would have indicated otherwise. Lots of men look like good fathers, act like good fathers, and turn out to be anything but. Are you honestly blaming the mother for that?
well I have read most of the comments with incredulity, I have had emotional swings from oh dear if you only knew, to get a grip. I am a single parent not through choice and I have been for over 6 years. I look after my child, work full time, I am a part time carer for a relative who is differently abled. 4 days of being on your own with your own children and you cant cope. Wow I wish I had that luxury, there is no one coming to bail me out with a takeaway and a bottle of wine. to answer the question above. There is truth in the saying don’t judge someone until you walk a mile in their shoes. In my case I had a ten year marriage with a kind man and i thought that is probably long enough to decide that he was the right person to have children with. Not a bit of it once our son was born he turned in to a controlling, verbally abusive bully. That is not place to bring up a child, on tenter hooks waiting for the key to turn in the door. So no we dont all choose some of us have the situation chosen for us
Thank you everyone so much for your replies. You all seem like very strong people.
You’ve made me very, very grateful for my husband. BUT NOT SO GRATEFUL HE GETS OUT OF DOING THE DISHES TONIGHT…..just in case he’s reading this. 🙂
This is after one week? Sometimes this is after one day in my house! Lol.
Having been a married mother of one, a single parent of one, a married mother of three and step-mother of three, a single parent of three and a married mother of three and step-mother of 3 more and now a married mother of 3 (1 deceased), step-mother of six, grandmother of 19 and great-grandmother of 3, I can speak to your blog and all of the comments. Through all of the joys, trials, tribulations and loss of our daughter, I have managed to collect a most wonderful family. I have survived years of being alone, supporting my family. I have married the most wonderful man and am grateful for every phase, every f**k it moment, every sloppy kiss from kids, grandkids, greats and all of the in-laws and extras collected along the way. We nicknamed all of them our daughter’s village while she was ill and we couldn’t have made it through without them. You will come through all of these rough times and you will be grateful for the love and the courage you gain from every experience. Bless you all and thanks Amber for giving us a little humour in the mix.
I must be a strange one. I’m like Friday on Monday. My husband works graveyards this week so it’s just me and the little one. Yesterday nothing got done – dishes in the sink, toys everywhere. Today when my daughter and I got home from daycare I did the laundry, cleaned the kitchen, washed the dishes after dinner and straightened up the living room. AND spent some quality time with my little one before giving her a bath and putting her to bed.
Yes!! My hubby was away for 10 days a couple weeks ago and this was our life. Especially the part where he called to talk to the kids WAY AFTER BEDTIME! My response to the phone waking them up: call tomorrow ’cause I kind of hate you right now. Oh well, fuck it! Where is the wine?
No, most of us don’t choose it. I would think the ones who chose single-parent life had things together enough to know they could handle it. I wasn’t terribly “together” before the separation, and my lack of domestic prowess helped to contribute to the breakup. He traveled often when we were together, and I’ve often joked (I know, somewhat inappropriately) that at least I now have the “real” excuse of being a truly single parent. Even now, it could be so much worse. He has not disappeared financially, and I get every other weekend or so to myself.
I loved this post. It helped me feel better about myself, because, for me, one of the hardest parts is knowing that I’m not doing all that I should be doing, all the time, for the kids. I’m working only part-time from home, but that cannot continue for long. I actually look forward to working outside the home, though I fear the repercussions — aftercare, rescheduled or cancelled afters chool activities, etc. — that will ensue. It has been a rough 18 months, but seeing other moms on blogs like this one, going through similar things, whether for a week or, as in my case, for the foreseeable future, is a comfort and a welcome bit of comic relief.
Not sure I should admit this, but my 8-year-old loves crappy pictures. She knows there are words on here she can’t use. She spells them out when she reads the posts to me. Seeing what crappy momma goes through and seeing that it’s FUNNY, and, most of all, okay, has helped her to put our “dysfunction” into perspective. She now looks at the spills and mishaps and times when things go hilariously wrong as fodder for the blog she hopes to write herself one day. This particular collaboration was for me, but the everyday hilarity and struggle of being a little family with young children (she has a baby brother) help HER. And that, of course, also helps me. She no longer sees us as soooooo different from all of her friends, with their perfect houses and perfect lives. She knows, thanks to this blog, that none of us are perfect, but we can still be funny, and smart, and, finally, happy.
Heartfelt thanks to Crappy Momma et al.
And, yes, I live most of my life on the Friday version of this post.
There’s always tomorrow.
Just by the way… choosing to become a single parent is a completely valid choice, and doesn’t mean they don’t get to gripe about how hard it is to be a single parent, or, for that matter, any kind of a parent. That’s kind of my point. We all need to gripe about our struggles, and we all deserve the space to do so.
Not to get to political, but parenting, for all of us, including the men out there, is not valued in the current work-a-day world in the way that it should be. Institutions could be more parent-friendly. We all can, and should, speak out when things are harder than they need to be.
Okay, soapbox done. Thank you for indulging me.
Love it! This was my life for 2 years while my husband traveled every single week Mon-Thurs with his job. Consulting deal in L.A., 2 hr time difference from us in TX. He started this job when I was expecting our 3rd baby, and we had two boys already, 7 and 5. Other than 6 weeks working from home when baby was born, he was gone every week. Hard to even converse due to the time difference. I admit to throwing out the term “single parent for 4 days a week” but I realize it is different. It was hard, yes, but he’s a great, involved dad and does way more than most men in the domestic arena. A lucky woman am I. My main complaint is HIM complaing about the laundry not getting put away and the dishes not getting promptly dealt with. All that said – he’d be a basket case handling the house by himself 4 days a week if I left every week for work!
Boy did this ring true which made it so funny. Haven’t we all been through this? It’s the men’s fault, of course, because they’ve become so helpful at home! They should quit that so we don’t miss them! I think I have everyone beat though. One business trip my husband took while I was pregnant with my third child sent me literally over the edge of sanity. I had to check myself in to the looney bin and make him cut his business trip short so he could take care of the kids while I “rested” from emotional exhaustion.
As a military spouse with a husband that has deployed three times for 12 or 15 months, I totally relate. Mine are much more spread out, so I can handle it for two weeks or so and then comes the break down. He is home now and will hopefully be around for a while 🙂 Oh, and he just so happens to have deployed two of the times when we have had infants, left when one child was 7 days, and when the other child was 5 weeks. My dad thinks he plans it!
Check out In the Muthahood on YouTube. It’s Hilarious!
love it! Mondays are always my best day too. Thanks for my daily dose of smiles.
I was a single mom of 3 kids for 14 yrs..until they grew up. (Now I’m Nana to 8..happily) It was challenging, but, I did it! I’m very proud of the human beings I raised. I’m proud of ME for the job I did. Women are STRONG. You can do it and do it proudly. My advice to you is to put away the computers until the kids are asleep or in school, and when the husband/FATHER gets home, take off on your own “business trip” for a wkend or longer, even if it’s just a motel or friend’s around the corner. You’ll be glad you did 🙂
Ohhh my life in pictures!
DH is a consultant, and consultants travel all the time! Well less now than on his previous job, but still. The longest I have done the solo parenting bit was 1 months, and it was still easy DD was 5 months old, but yeah putting baby in the baby carrier, and walking the dog at 6am…JOY bonus when people stop you and ask “Is this your baby”…yes because any sane person would borrow a 5 month old baby to go walk the dog at the ungodly hour of 6 in the morning…think people THINK! 🙂
The longest I did with a terrible two aged toddler: 3 weeks…considered alcoholism at that point, because it was solo parenting and planning a move across the country while DH was on the new job.
Holy molly, this is my husband and me EVERYDAY. we have a 1 year old and we work opposite shifts so we don’t have to pay for childcare.
And it’s almost always “thursday” or “friday”.
I love you inspirational writers. You inspire me to write a post about being a single parent (Husbot home working) with a 3 and a 4 year-old “vacationing” for two weeks AT MY PARENTS’ HOUSE.
You have to admit, the men don’t always make it easy. “Hi, I really miss you … drove up the coast of Alaska this morning … no, I hated it, I don’t like mountains … I worked a ten hour day today, it was so awful … yeah and then we went to Ruby Tuesday, and it took them half an hour to make my meal, I’m not even kidding … oh, yeah, I do spend eight hours in bed, but I can’t sleep … the bed just doesn’t feel right.”
It is SO HARD not to shriek back, “I wanted to go there! I wanted to eat there! I want someone else to make me dinner, don’t care how long it takes! I want eight hours in a quiet room all by myself, you can bet I won’t have any trouble lapsing into a coma! I worked sixteen hours today, much of which involved SCREAMING; gave up on even getting into my pajamas at night because I couldn’t put the baby down; spent all night with the baby latched on nursing every half hour or so; the only time I did get away from the baby was to take care of the toddler who’d woken up; and you call me to tell me you’re TIRED????!!!!!” *banshee shriek*
I’m another who works double-hard on Fridays. My husband feels unloved if the house is a mess when he gets back. When the baby was four weeks old, I was livid that he even mentioned it, but now I’ve got a better handle on it and it’s not a huge deal. Anyway HE’s the one that’s got to deal with the toddler’s messed-up sleep schedule which has gotten worse each night he’s been gone.
I will say, one downside of being married is that the kids attitude goes into a tailspin whenever dad’s not there. It’s wost with the toddler. He has no idea why his routine is being disrupted, and he has a much stronger bond to daddy than to me.
I am going to comment one more time and then no more! The term “single married mom” was actually given to me by the strongest woman I know. She is a single mom to two girls. One with Autism. Parenting is hard. Whether you have a partner to suffer with or not. Yes I am married. My husband is home for 1 week a month. He was also in the military and I would be without him for 6 months at a time wondering if he would come home at ALL. I also had to go back to work when my son was 2 weeks old because I was the sole income for the family. Instead of showing our resentment for what we don’t have we should all embrace each other. We are in the same boat. It’s called motherhood. To the the single moms out there that don’t have a hand and give everything they have 365 days a year I am sending a hug and wine your way (virtually). God bless you for everything you do and for raising contributing good people all on your own. 🙂
This is so great to know that I’m not the only mom who feels this way!! I am constantly in awh of my single friend mom’s and always feel guilty I can’t help them more. My husband was deployed for 16 months and I had grand plans to have so many projects completed then felt like a failure because I could barely keep us clothed in clean cloths. 😉 Now it’s just a little ruff when my husband leaves for a week or so and usually the beginning of the week is more like ‘cool I only have to cook for 2 and wash laundry for 2 and dishes for 2’….but then I notice I am still catching up for the last year and by the end of the week I miss the night time adult company even if it’s only for 30 min. Most people are welcomed into my house with an apology lol
This is all so true. Before my hubby goes away on a trip he always does and extra ’emergency’ shop of convenience items (chips, lollies, cold meats, chicken, pre packed kiddie snacks, etc) that we usually don’t eat much – thank goodness. I say oh we don’t need all this stuff we’ll be fine! Then by Thursday after a couple of lost nights sleep we are almost out of things in packets (mostly from me stress eating – woops) I’ve instituted the help yourself (and your 2 year old sister) meal policy with the 5 year old 😉 Friday I declare a sick day because I can’t manage the school run and we all stay in pj’s and watch Disney movies. luckily hubby knows better than to comment on any mess and takes the kids out on Saturday so I can sleep 🙂 He doesn’t have to work away too often…Thank goodness.
thank you so much for this. after an incredibly exhausting week of my husband working late nights, I needed this. Off to go clean my house during nap time so it’s not too hideous for my son’s Halloween party this afternoon. And on a Friday, no less. Sigh. Did I mention that I’m serving wine to the adults?
My husband just got back from a week long business trip to Vegas. He hates the conference and I get it. But being forced to stay in a luxury hotel and eat at Wolfgang Pucks – yup, don’t feel too sorry for him! Meanwhile I ate some Ritz crackers for dinner because they don’t create any dishes.
This is sooo my life, lol. Hubby works away from home 3 weeks at a time and then home for a week give or take… Been getting on that way for a long time but this is scarily accurate!
When my husband goes out of town, my Mondays don’t look anything like that. I stay up until 2 am watching crap on Netflix, McD’s for lunch and dinner every night, and then Friday is try to do ten loads of laundry, mop all the floors, yell at the kids that their crap is all in the way of me trying to clean up all my crap, and maybe I have even washed some dishes. Then he gets home, and I tell him “You’re taking us out for dinner. I am too tired from maintaining order in this house.”
Oh, i hate to say it, but I am a single parent 100% of the time. Taking care of kiddo, full-time job, house, bills, you name it.
Makes her sound like a weakling for falling apart after a few days of being a stay at home mom alone! Being a stay at home mom is nowhere near as hard as doing ALL that PLUS working 40+ hours a weak and commuting almost two hours a day on top of that!
Really?? You really needed to play the ‘I’m a single mother, I do it all, my life is harder, you’re a weakling because your life isn’t as hard as mine” card. Seriously, the one upmanship you don’t have it as hard as me posts are getting really old. I actually lose a little more sympathy and a little more respect every time I read one.
The blog was ffunny-as was the intention. It was not a blog intended to steal the ‘my life is harder’ crown.
BTDT worked 2 jobs while doing it.
It was our normal though. When anyones life is changed dramatically its hard.
I often miss working. I miss coming home to a house that is the same way I left it that morning. Not having to clean it 7 times a day was nice. I love being a SAHM but its no easy gig either. Prior to being one I thought it would be a breeze, I was wrong.
I’m very happy I have an amazing husband and partner. It is HARD here when he is gone for a week. My kids aren’t used to it and it puts them in a tizzy, they miss him terribly when he is gone. I miss him. It makes me long for daycare! That doesn’t make me weak. It makes me life different than yours and it is our family adjusting to a change.
LOVED this one! I laughed out loud when I read this. I used to watch “Big Love” on HBO about the FLDS family with one husband and all the sister wives. While I am not in favor of a paligomist life style, sometimes I think it wouldn’t be such a bad gig to have sister wives around to help out with the parenting duties when the dad is not around. I’m just sayin’.
My life as a single mother is your Thursday — over and over again. Must be nice to have a second with you most of the time. *swigs wine* Ignore this comment! 🙂
BTDT with the single Mom thing. Doing the week alone without the husband this week and it sucks.
The two don’t compare. When it was just my son and I we had our routine down pat, it was our normal to be just us. It was very hard but it was our normal.
When my husband leaves for the week (or when I was traveling for my Mom’s chemo and surgeries this summer) it throws all 4 kids into chaos because so much changes.
Of course things have to go wrong too. He’s been gone less than 24 hrs. One kid woke up puking at 6am, another has a fever and will be puking before long, the toilet over flowed twice- once right after a child was sick in it, I needed to do grocery shopping today as we are down to bare bones and of course they are sick. The toddler is crying off and on because she wants her Daddy. She wants him to take her to the store to buy icecream, to go upstairs to change clothes when he gets home from work, etc. Its just pure chaos!
Thankfully I have some awesome friends to help me out. I’ve done this before without them and its horrible. I’m so thankful for them.
Reading this today totally cracked me up.
I’m in the thick of this right now! My husband left for India last Thursday night, my eldest son went down with the flu o Friday and we’ve been stuck in sick kid hell ever since! He’s away for two weeks, or rather 4 months as I remind my husband it feels like!
it’s all about perspective. all the ‘real’ single mothers ARE generally used to it. when you have someone go away for a week or so it rocks your world bc it is so different. and vice versa. if you are single parenting and then find someone and get married it is going to be sooo different. what is hard for one person is not necessarily hard for another. my husband does a 6 month on.6 month off rotation and we hardly get to speak. we have 3 kids, and for ME it is easy. even though i do those things some of the time i personally can handle it. i have a friend whose husband went away for a little over a week and you would of thought her world was destroyed. my first impulse was to feel angry with her. but i had to step back and use God’s grace towards to her and realize that it WAS falling apart for HER. there are pros and cons to EVERY type of parenting. families with both parents don’t have it easy…you never know how the home life is. single parents don’t always have it hard. parents with military spouses gone don’t always have it easy or hard. I will say (just bc i know since i am one), that the hardest part of being a military spouse and them leaving is that it takes a while to get readjusted to having them home and then they leave. it is actually difficult to have someone you can depend on…then have them taken away or unavailable to depend on. especially when they are in places where you can’t talk to them and you don’t know if they are alive or not. brings a whole new ‘thing’ to parenting. mothering in general for everyone is tough. monsters are tough. and regardless of what stage in life we are, we all try our best and want the best for our kids. and sometimes our homes are picture perfect and sometimes the kids can just eat some junk food and the dishes can pile up. everyone has hard days. but the good news is you can make the decision to ‘start over’ from any point within your day. and since i’ve just written this, i guess i will get up and finish my dishes and get something out of the freezer for dinner lol.
I’m a single mom who works full time and it always gives me a little twitch when my SAHM married mom friends talk about being a “single mom” while hubby is away for work. So to make me feel better, I make sure to post on FB all the fun, single person things I do on the weekend while my son is with his father lol. Tit for tat 😉 Regardless of the situation, all mommy’s jobs are the same and I’ll be raising my own wine glass right along with you as I laze away the weekend!
My husband is a pilot, so this is my life every week. He’s gone 5 days and home 2. If it makes you feel any better, I do this every week, and my week looks pretty much exactly like yours.
I am rolling. This was SO me when my husband was out of town for just THREE days lol
I haven’t had internet in a while, I’m laughing so hard catching up. My husband goes to work at 1 am, gets home at 2 pm, goes to bed at 5 pm and wants to do nothing in the down time, so this is how I feel a lot of the week too. I had to stifle my laughter reading this because I didn’t want to wake the napping toddler because, fuck, when was the last time I sat down at a computer?
DH is worse about messes than the toddler, though, so it’s like having another kid for three hours a day hahaha.
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