Next up in my October Crappy Collaboration* series is Jill from Baby Rabies.
I’ve mentioned her a few times in these parts. Remember the hilarious inappropriate elf contest from last year? That was her. She is also the one who peed on a gecko. You gotta love a woman who accidentally pees on a lizard and then blogs about it. And I also love her posts that aren’t funny at all. Like her letter to her 51-year-old self which makes me cry each time I read it. So yeah, good stuff.
*Crappy Collaborations are my way to share some of my favorite, funny parenting writers. They wrote the words, I drew the pictures. See the rest right here.
Here is Jill’s post, with my crappy pictures…
What a Week as a Single Parent Looks Like For Me, by Baby Rabies
©2012, Baby Rabies. Images ©2012, Amber Dusick
Every now and then, my husband will leave for week-long business trips. And it doesn’t matter what I do to prepare myself for them, the weeks always play out the same way.
Accomplishments: Nearly all the things. Laundry is folded and dishes are done before going to bed. Floors are swept, counters cleaned. Blog and social media are tended to, but not dwelled on. Sneak in a workout while the toddler naps. Do a craft with the preschooler.
Mood: Positive. This time will be different. I will stay on top of things this time, so no need to stress. Tolerating the kids like a pro. Rockin’ this shit.
Phone convo with the husband: “How was your day? Uh huh… mmm hmmm… wow. That sounds stressful. Glad you got in okay!”
Accomplishments: Drop the boy off at preschool, Starbucks drive through with the toddler, blog post, mingle a little too long on Facebook during nap time, skip doing the dishes but promise myself I’ll stay up a little late tonight to finish them, emails, feed the children one of the 5 meals I shopped and planned for for the week, go to bed a little later than I know I should after playing catchup, wake 5 times that night to soothe the suddenly irritable toddler.
Mood: Truckin’ along. Hangin’ tough.
Phone convo with the husband: “Hey… yeah, I KNOW I have to take the trash out. Got it. What? Nothing. Just tired.”
Accomplishments: Pull my dead body out of bed, make lunches for both the children, manage to brush my teeth AND find a bra before driving them to school, sleep the entire time they are there, shudder at the thought of working out, catch up on emails from bed and the parking lot of school, feed children various things I can pull out of the refrigerator and not have to prepare for dinner (like cold hot dogs), ignore all dirty dishes, pile clean laundry on top of the couch, watch the dog make a bed out of the clean laundry.
Mood: This is crap.
Phone convo with the husband: “Can I call you back later… I sort of hate you right now.”
Accomplishments: Keep everyone alive, return emails from the bathroom while hiding from the children with the door locked, drive through for dinner, drink wine while playing on Facebook and putting off work until midnight.
Phone convo with the husband: “Must be NICE to HAVE to go out to dinner with ADULTS. Must be nice to always get to LEAVE THIS PLACE.”
Mood: Fuck it.
Phone convo with the H: “When are you coming home? If you can’t find us when you get here, we’re all lost under the giant mound of laundry and dirty dishes. We’re going out to dinner when you get here. Bring home wine.”
So, that’s where I’m at right now, at the end of another long week. My biggest goal is merely keeping the house free of biohazards (like the cat shit I just cleaned up, a product of being locked in the office all night) and Ebola at this point. Today, my greatest accomplishment will be getting us all dressed, and tonight I will raise a glass of wine to all of you who do this for so much longer than a week at a time, and who keep it together so much better than I do.
Cheers to the freakin’ weekend.