Welcome to my first-ever Crappy Collaboration* post with Jason Good!
Based on his name you might assume he is a dad blogger. However! You are right.
His Facebook page is here and a monkey gets a banana every time someone likes it. So make that happen. For the monkey.
I could go on and on about how much of a fan I am of his. Or how someone once wrote that I’m like the female version of him (weird yet awesome, no?) but I think you understand already since I pulled out a monkey.
*Crappy Collaborations are my way to share some of my favorite, funny parenting writers. They wrote the words, I drew the pictures.
UPDATE: It is now two years later and Jason wrote a book that came out this week. I pre-ordered it because I knew it was going to be rad. It is. This Is Ridiculous This Is Amazing: Parenthood in 71 Lists You have to buy it. I’m not kidding. I laughed out loud at 2 minutes, 9 seconds in. I set a timer. Then surprise! I got teary on page 30. Holy crap. This is the best parenting book I’ve ever read. It’s like he’s in my head, people.
The following is a collaboration post from 2012 and while this list is in his book, there are 70 other lists in the book that are even funnier. If you like this at all, you will love his book. Just buy it. If I can’t convince you, well, then do it for the monkey.
Here is Jason’s post, with my crappy pictures…
Self-help Advice from a 2 year old, by Jason Good
©2011-2012, Jason Good; illustrations ©2012, Amber Dusick
1. Challenge yourself every day. Try climbing the stairs carrying two soccer balls while wearing your father’s shoes. Remember, failure IS an option.
2. De-clutter! Start by throwing all your dishes in the garbage. After that I suggest toothbrushes and important paper work.
3. Pee on the floor and stomp in it like a puddle. You’ll be shocked how much better you feel.
4. Whether the glass is half empty or half full is irrelevant if you dump it out on the sofa. You’re welcome.
5. If you’re feeling aggressive, or just bored, scream in a cat’s face.
6. Don’t ever be afraid to hand someone an ice cube while they’re on the toilet. That stuff is cold. You don’t have to be in pain!
7. Socks are poison. Trust me, don’t wear them! Happiness will soon follow!
8. Pound on a computer keyboard like Jerry Lee Lewis playing the piano. Feel better? I thought so. Great Balls of Fire!
9. If you fall down, stay down. Someone will pick you up eventually.
10. Quick thrills fuel the heart. Have you learned to delete things off the DVR yet? DO IT. It’s AwWwWwEsOmE.
11. Seize the day and the night and the middle of the night and the early morning. Seize everything, y’all! Never stop seizing stuff.
12. Tired of looking at yourself in the mirror? So was I until I met my friend permanent marker. FACE TATTOOS ARE RAD.
13. This might be a tough one, but you gotta trust me: Take a crap in the tub. It’s surreal.
14. Live in the moment because there is nothing else. Seriously, there isn’t. Not that I’m aware of at least.
15. If you’re gonna run, do it at top speed, man. Life is too short to walk in the mall.
Please, pretty please visit the hilarious blog of Jason Good because it will be worth it.
Better yet, give him some Facebook love and tell him Willy Wonka sent you.
NO. You don’t need to do any of those things today. Just BUY HIS BOOK. You’ll thank me later.
(Because I don’t like to break laws, I have to write that all Amazon links are affiliate links. This means that if you buy stuff I get tossed a few coins to save up for important essentials like inflatable unicorn horns and tea tree oil. Thank you!)