the toddler hallucination theory: Car Seats

Sometimes toddlers act crazy. Insane! They make no sense! But this is just because we aren't seeing what they are seeing. 

I have a theory that toddlers hallucinate.

By the time they are old enough to tell you, they have outgrown it. So this will never be proven. But I'm pretty sure it is true.

Take car seats for example. When you see this:

Carseat1

 

They are probably actually seeing something like this:

Carseat2

Once you accept this hallucination theory, they will make more sense to you.

Visualizing what they might be seeing has been proven to decrease parental frustration and increase empathy.

It will also give you something to do as you stand in the parking lot while they scream.

 

This entry was posted in crappy pictures, parenting, terrible twos, toddlers. Bookmark the permalink.

139 Responses to the toddler hallucination theory: Car Seats

  1. Totally hilarious. I needed the laugh today. Thanks!

  2. Tarina says:

    Haaaahahaha that is so great!

  3. Lindsay says:

    I wonder what my 14 month old was seeing about 10 minutes ago when I was changing her EXTREMELY poopy diaper. She was kicking and screaming, causing poop to get all over me and her. Hmmm….

  4. sam says:

    huh? i had no idea…it explains our daily wrestling match.

  5. Elecia says:

    sounds about right;-)

  6. Angie says:

    OH YES. LOL, I nearly peed my pants when I saw the carseat monster! So fricken funny, this is so true.

  7. Melis says:

    Bliss. (Though, with 4 of them 4 and under, no, it does not increase sympathy or empathy. It only makes me want to knock them unconscious out of mercy as well as frustration.)

    • Joe says:

      Wow. “Knock them unconscious”, really? And you chose to have 4 kids. Ridiculous.

      • Count Scary says:

        Joe, I do believe that you have no kids, or are somehow that perfect TV parent.

        Have a couple and you will understand, empathize and be okay with that comment. All with the perfect knowledge, that GP would not do that, because sometimes saying it is enough of a cathartic release.

        • Cindy Stoffolano says:

          Sorry I have 3 kids and NEVER even at my MOST frustrating times did I ever ever think “knock them unconscious” was ok to say

          • nickol says:

            When you have 5 you’ll be too tired to care or be judgy.

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      • JessicaC says:

        oh good grief you guys SARCASM!!!! she’s not actually going to KNOCK HER KIDS unconscious… (rolls eyes) calm DOWN.

      • Vdoe says:

        Ugh! I agree with Joe. You don’t say that kind of thing, playing or not. Maybe this mommy spends too much time with the kiddos. 4 kids in 4 years… I would go half crazy, but chose your words wiser.

    • Amber says:

      Melis –
      I totally get this comment! I cheerfully say to my one-year-old “I’m gonna murder you!” in a silly-sing-song voice… only so I don’t! :)

      • Rebecca says:

        Same here… I am envious of those “perfect” parents

        • Lana says:

          this one got me some horrifeid looks in play group:

          We do not and are not going to smack our children, oh no..

          We’re gonna use a taser.

          As if people actually thought I was serious. And I do totally get the “knock them out thing” Sometimes it would be safer for them.

        • Leanne says:

          I don’t :) They can go on being perfect, our imperfections are character building. I’d rather be an imperfect character than a perfect robot :)

          Tbh, I’ve often sat there while my 4 year old is screaching at the top of her lungs because I’ve asked her to pull her trouser legs down (honestly I hate half up half down trouser legs! Shoot me I’m anal) “oh if only it wasn’t child abuse to slip a small dose of sleeping pills into her mid afternoon milk!” I wouldn’t do it, ever! I wouldn’t even contemplate it but I do go into that blissful imaginary realm of silence. Then she goes up another octave and I’m back to glaring at uneven trouser legs.

      • Katie says:

        When my daughter was 2 months old I actually dropped a can of green beans on her head (she was in a bouncy seat so it absorbed some shock) and we took her to the doctor and they had us X-ray her head! She was absolutely fine, but now whenever she’s not sleeping we joke to each other that we’re going to get the green beans out. (Though I didn’t approve of this joke for a few months!) We also sing about murdering each other and such. But when we’re really serious we would never use such terms.

        • trish says:

          So funny! Loved the tazer comment. Don’t get all upset over nothing laugh a little. :)

          • Kendra says:

            I have 6 kids with a niece and 2 nephews living with me right now and let me tell you that 9 kids in one house is no picnic. If I couldn’t use sarcasm to voice my frustrations for every little thing that they tattle on or mess they make, or fit they throw I wouldn’t be able to survive with my sanity intact. I love my kids, and would kill any SOB who had the nerve to hurt any one of them. But I’ve been known to use the phrase “Well, I guess we’ll just have to ship you off to (some unknown destination) so you can learn how good you really have it here.” Or, “If you come and tell on ‘what’s his/her name’ one more time then I will send you to your room until you die.” They know and I know that I am not serious about the death part, but they also get the point that I am tired of hearing about their complaints. Sarcasm is a gift for moms to use.

  8. Holly says:

    So THAT is why I can’t get either boy into their carseats for the first several months! LOL!! Thank you SO Much for explaining this.

  9. Heather says:

    totally funny…thanks for the laugh today

  10. Rachelle says:

    I think your illustrations are improving! Pretty soon you won’t be able to call describe them as “crappy”. ;-)

  11. Amber Dusick says:

    I know. Damn practice makes better. I’ll have to work on maintaining the crap.

  12. Anna says:

    Too funny! We have a two year old going through this phase right now. :)

  13. WestiesMum says:

    Oh my God! I’m spitting water all over my keyboard! So funny!

  14. Lynn says:

    So true.

  15. Kris says:

    Now that theory makes sense to me!!! Totally hilarious and true! Love your stories

  16. E.B. says:

    Yes, totally. Where do you think imaginary friends come from?
    P.s. This is my new identity. The secret code word is “Cat-rapey”

  17. LOL totally needed a good laugh !! Thanks!

  18. Jane says:

    Well, this makes total sense! Too funny. I’ll be imagining all the things he “could” be seeing from now on.
    -Jane

  19. Casey says:

    seriously the funniest thing ever. had to share on facebook- you so hit the nail on the head!

  20. heather says:

    putting on my ‘spoilsport annoying serious poster amidst all the funny’ hat…

    Not sure exactly how old the toddler in the ‘toons is supposed to be, but he looks young enough that he should still be rear-facing. :)

    Current recommendations are to keep all kids rear-facing until age 2, and even as much longer as the car seat’s weight and height limits will allow. Turning them at 1 year is a bare legal minimum, not a requirement. Studies show kids are five times less likely to die if kept rear-facing.

    Anyway, sorry to be the stick-in-the-mud but it’s an important issue that many parents actually don’t know about, and your cartoons are so wonderful and so popular, it’s a great opportunity to pass this message along. :)

    (As for the parents that always pop up and say “oh but my child hates rear-facing, I can’t wait to turn him forward”, just realize that they’ll see this monster in the seat whichever way it’s turned. ;)

    • Joe says:

      Good job being the voice of reason in a sea of stupidity (not on this blog, in our country in general). I hate people that turn their kids’ seats early in spite of the OBVIOUS safety issues. The research is more than crystal clear. The physics is more than obvious. I’ll say this without hesitation: anyone who turns their kid’s car seat because they don’t want to hear them complaining *is a bad parent*. Your job is to protect your children. If it means putting up with some whining while you’re in the car, get over yourself. You are not the most important in your life anymore. Deal with it.

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    • brianna says:

      I just want to say thank you for being able to say this with enough tact that it didn’t take away fron the humor but an important truth was still passed on. It takes real thought and talent to do that! :)

      • Lana says:

        I’m in Australia and here it is legal to forward face a child as soon as they hit 9kg. There is only ONE car seat available that rear faces up to 12kg and it’s almost $500. The rest max out at 9kg.

        Our youngest hit 9kg at just 4 months. We rear faced him til 12kg but it was a very squeezy situation and he ended up hating the car. Big baby was forward facing by 7 months. He’s now 8.5 months, 14kg and still exclusively breastfed.

        • Yvonne says:

          Unfortunately, Australian seat laws and carseats are very outdated and really need to catch up.
          Forward-facing children are 75% more likely to be paralyzed or killed in a car accident. I wonder if it would be possible for you to import a seat?

    • JessicaC says:

      ……………… um… thanks.

    • AJ says:

      I just had a feeling some idiot would say something about the forward facing car seat, lol. It’s a friggin cartoon people! Learn how to take a joke & try harder to not be “that” parent who always has to say something. Ugh.

  21. You’re a genius! And freaking hilarious. :)

  22. Tara Fly says:

    OMG! This is the best post I’ve seen since I began reading/stalking your blog!!

    Both of my daughters went through carseat hallucinations around 1-2 years of age. Oddly my 2-year-old son hasn’t experienced “car-mares” yet. :P *fingers crossed*

    I had frightful hallucinations as well ~ worried that folks in the parking-lot would call the police to report me for kidnapping or torture! LOL
    I mean, how do you explain why a child is lurching and screaming at the top of her lungs, in her terror of getting into the car with you?! ;D

  23. Amber Dusick says:

    Here is a good resource for anyone reading along & unaware about the age 2+ recommendation change: http://www.thecarseatlady.com/car_seats/rear-facing_seats_6.html

    • Jennifer says:

      Luckily that is a “recommendation”! I am sorry, but when we go on our 4 hour trips to my parents which is about every other weekend I am not having my son ride with his feet bent like this and a 4 hour trip without him being able to see his movie – my sanity can not handle that. While I am sure it IS safer, I wonder if the people that recommend this actually have a 2 year old and have actually tried traveling with one. Or maybe all the perfect children in the world that will sit quietly and read a book with their feet bent to their body can do this. It is also probably recommended that we just stay at home and not drive anywhere because THAT would totally be much safer! Just my opinion – doesn’t mean I am right. BTW – I am also typing this in a happy tone not mad or angry tone =)

      • Joe says:

        YOU ARE NOT THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN YOUR LIFE ANYMORE. Your sanity needs to learn to chill out. How are you going to feel if you get in an accident and your kid DIES because you were too self-centered to deal with a little complaining. How about you actually parent and teach your kid how to relax, instead of plopping them in front of a movie (you’re actively making them stupid by doing that, by the way). Even the AAP recommends *ABSOLUTELY NO* tv until age 2. No, Baby Einstein is not helpful. It’s ACTIVELY destroying their brain. I feel really, really bad for your kids.

        • I never understand why parents feel the need to rant at each other. Isn’t parenting hard enough without all the agro? My children have both watched plenty of TV (having two under 2 and postnatal depression will do that to a parent) but they are the smartest kids I know. They learned far more from some of the programmes they watched than they did from some of the innane books we were given or from endlessly trashing my house. But that is MY opinion and I really don’t mind what anyone else thinks. Also I don’t think you are putting yourself before your children if you chose to remain sane on a four-hour car journey (I can go loopy in the time it takes to get to the shops when they’re both at it!). Happy mummy, happy baby and all that. Try to live and let live. This is a happy blog, don’t spoil it.

        • Lee says:

          Joe, you “feel really, really bad” for her kids? Ugh. That’s awful. Shame on you for judging someone who is acting in what she believes is in the best interest of her child. You know what? I feed my children different things than most people do, but I’m not running around telling people who feed theirs pop-tarts that I feel really bad for their children. Grow a sense of humor and stop using your amazing capacity for judgement to make you feel superior.

        • Cindy Stoffolano says:

          I wasn’t going to respond to this but then I said WTH. I am 53 and have raised 3 children to adulthood, they are 27; married and expecting his first child with his wife, 24; dating a wonderful young lady and 20; girl in collage. Oldest is a paramedic/fireman, second went to school for wildlife science. But is now in process of becoming a fireman. Daughter is going to school for criminal justice in hopes of becoming a cop. My point all 3 grew up watching TV ( a lot) while growing up, not just cartoons we watched Sesame Street, we watched Mr. Rogers, we watched magic school bus, and we watched discovery channel. Nothing wrong with tv when used right! Watch with them and use them as educational moments. Not all of us had money to send them to camps!

        • JessicaC says:

          ugh PLEASE take a break from being holier than thou.

        • JessicaW says:

          “A little complaining?” Are you insane? I mean, I’ve seen the research and that is why I will keep my almost two year old niece rear-facing for much longer than I kept my daughters but you most likely have Never dealt with a child who Hates to be rear-facing in the car. My firstborn would scream at the top of her lungs until you thought she might give herself an aneurism EVERY time she was in the car, the Entire time she was in the car until we faced her forward. I still waited until she was over a year old. Your comment was nasty and doesn’t take into consideration how distracting it is to drive with a screaming child.

      • Yvonne says:

        It is a a recommendation beacause a post-mortem study was done on over 2,000 children who died in car accidents, and over 90% of them died from Internal Decapitation (their spine snapped) because they were forward-facing and their necks could not sustain the crash forces. Forward-facing children are 75% more likely to be paralyzed or killed in a car accident.

        And my 2-year-old has ridden rear-facing for several 5-8 hour car trips and is quite content. I do break the “rules” by letting her play with hard toys or have a rear-facing mirror, but I in my opinion, while these things are considered unsafe, she is still 5 times safer rear-facing, and if I can keep her rear-facing and keep my sanity, it is well worth it.

        :] I am also typing in a happy tone.

  24. Caroline says:

    There are other people who have had 4 kids in 4 years?? Nice to see I’m not alone! And I totally agree, btw.

  25. Totally made my day after fighting with my 11-month old about his car seat, stroller and shopping cart. The only place he would go willingly was the Ergo.

  26. Hahahahaha! Love this. The drawing of the car seat monster? Perfect.

  27. cindy says:

    LOL!!!
    From the movie the Change Up, Jason Bateman…
    “Having children, it’s like living with little mini drug addicts. Y’know, they’re laughing one minute, and then they’re crying the next, and then they’re trying to kill themselves in your bathroom for no good reason. They’re very mean and selfish; they burn through your money…”

  28. jessica says:

    LOVE THIS!!! :) Thank you so much!!!

  29. Shannon says:

    1. The devil illustration rocks my world.
    2. You must be absolutely right about why the arched back screamfest happens often for the carseat.
    3. I love your posts.

  30. KC says:

    Oh my god, thank you! After listening to my toddler scream all morning and afternoon I really needed some perspective.

  31. I was introduced to your blog a couple of weeks ago, and just wanted to thank you for the joy you’ve brought me ever since. Every post has been just SPOT-ON to my life with a 2-year-old and made me literally laugh out loud. And as the chronically ill mother of a toddler (combination = sucks!), I can use all the laughs I can get. Thanks!

  32. Heidi says:

    I’ve been subscribing for a few weeks and your posts make me giggle, but this is the first one where I’ve been laughing long and loud enough to make my 4 yo want to know what’s so funny. My 1yo twins do this every. time. Booster seats too. Thank you for a laugh this afternoon – I needed one. :)

  33. melissa says:

    thank you again for a wonderfully hilarious post!

  34. You could always try using your wrong hand to draw and maintain the crap. :)

  35. Jaime says:

    Hillarious! That explains my toddler perfectly – except he’s been hallucinating since about 7 months.

  36. mom says:

    love, love, love your blog. I read it everyday. Just a side note; car seats can get really hot in the summer. My 2 yr old refused to go in hers without her blanky until I realized it was hot. She would sit on her blanket in the car.

  37. Amanda J says:

    wow – great job capturing the arching toddler, rigid body, not wanting to get in their seat!!! oh, my aching back! :)

  38. I know for a fact that toddlers hallucinate. I’m 28 years old and I’m still hallucinating.

  39. Krissee says:

    that’ funny. sometimes I hallucinate too

  40. Anna-Leigh says:

    I’m dying, that’s hilarious and makes perfect sense! Now if you can just get into the toddler mind and explain why I am unable to explain to a hysterical two year old that Humpty Dumpty really is all right…30 minutes of cry…for real, I hid the book that started it all :-/

  41. Ruby says:

    I absolutely love these drawings and stories… they’re SO true! I wish I couldn’t draw like you! :) thanks for always cheering me up! :D

  42. Serena says:

    seriously hilarious! I rarely lol when it comes to the internet, but this made me giggle for a good 5 minutes. I totally agree with you on your theory!

  43. valleygirl says:

    Is it possible I have a monster on my FACE? Because my toddler keeps whacking me and telling ME no and it can go from him and I happily laughing and playing to suddenly this change. Geez is it ever FRUSTRATING! I need to separate myself and try to find the humor otherwise I might cry (and well, yes I have!)

  44. Katy says:

    Poo Monster! My baby sees him too!

  45. Katy says:

    I’m envisioning the hallucinations my kids must be having about their socks and underwear! Ouch!
    Thanks for the laugh, your blog totally gives me the comic relief I need after a long, long day of motherhood.
    :)

  46. M. says:

    At one point I had 4 under 4 as well! I had a 3 year old, 2 year old, 11 month old and a newborn. ALL BOYS!! They’re now 10, 9, 6, 5, and I have a baby girl about to turn 3 this weekend now too. So yes, I feel your pain. :)

  47. Dina says:

    I know they hate being tied down like mental patients, and hate long car rides. That’s why I don’t get out much. To pass the time, I browse crappy pictures on the Internet…

  48. Natt says:

    You make me laugh SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much. I love your stuff and I am sharing it with everyone I know. And THEY all love it too.

    Thank you for being you and for drawing wonderful crappy pictures!

  49. That is THE best thing Ive heard all week!

  50. NASADan says:

    Have you noticed that toddlers and cats share the same Hallucination problem?

  51. Yuliya says:

    How is that I only figured out to subscribe to the genius that is you now? I’ve seen you all over my facebook feed and laughed every time. This post explains so much about my crazy car hating kiddo. Thank you.

  52. Wendy Irene says:

    Oh my gosh! You have totally cleared this up for me. Genius!

  53. caramama says:

    This hallucination theory explains so much! Not just the car seat issues, but also the diaper changes (love that someone said Poop Monster!), not wanting to be put down, refusing to go inside/outside/in a room/out of a room, and so much more!

    You are brilliant!

  54. sarah says:

    Love every blog you’ve done so far- makes me laugh every time.. keep it up mama!

  55. Brittany says:

    This is so funny. I found your blog last week and since then I think I have read EVERYONE you have done. I LOVE this one!!! I tell everyone about your blog. It’s awesome. Thanks for the laughs..

  56. I was thinking the same thing, Tara!

  57. Awesome post! You are hilarious! Thank you so much for the laughs!

  58. Mariah says:

    I saw the title of this on another website and thought it was a legitimate study at first. It reminded me of one day in my psychology 101 class last year. Asad, a guy from Afghanistan who is already hilarious, said this to our teacher:

    “My little nephew, he’s five, and he will tell a story that has a chicken in it. And then when he tells it again there’s no chicken in it. And I say, ‘Wait a minute, where did the chicken go?’ And he says, ‘There is no chicken.’ Where do these lies come from?”

    The teacher, without missing a beat, said, “It’s called IMAGINATION, Asad.”

  59. Mariah says:

    Oh, also (sorry I didn’t mention before) I love the pictures. I just got married in January and have yet to discover the joys of parenting, but I found this really funny anyway :-)

  60. Carrisa says:

    LOL. I couldn’t imagine!!

  61. Carrisa says:

    YOU are a riot!! LOL Such insight!! ;0)

  62. Julie says:

    My god. This is IT. From now on I will just assume that his vegetables look like maggots too and I can stop sweating it so damn much.

  63. LaraK says:

    Hilarious and so true! Thank you for clarifying this for me. We must have a carseat monster and also a changing table monster. Sometimes they are there, and sometimes they’re not. And only Zoe can see them! Now I get it. :)

  64. mummyoftwomunchkins says:

    LOL hilarious. and totally spot on!

  65. Vanity_Mom says:

    OMG SOOOO TRUE! I look like such a monster trying to get my child into his carseat, its its like I’m strapping him into a torture device and making him listing to Justin Bieber as I drive.

  66. Carrie says:

    GREAT. We just had #3 and our youngest just turned 7. You are reminding me of all the stages I had so conveniently forgotten about thus convincing us that #3 was a great idea!

  67. Island Mum says:

    So true! I’ve always wondered why the carseat was such a terrifying proposition.

  68. Marilyn Geraci says:

    Did it occur to anyone that when people smoke in the car, the poor little ones are getting sick to their stomaches and feel like vomiting? Of course they scream..they have no choice but to breathe in your poison. No wonder Asthma is on the increase.

  69. Brianna says:

    Possibly the case! But how can they just come up with these scary things unless they are watching something far too mature for them ie video game or many tv/cartoon shows. Just a thought. I think when the back arch/screaming starts it also because they are sure there is something much more important/exciting they NEED to be doing! :)

  70. Jim Yanni says:

    There’s a reason we stopped at one. One kid took up enough time and energy, I can’t IMAGINE doing justice to more than that. Four at once? You have my utmost sympathy, even if you did do it voluntarily.

  71. Cheryl M. says:

    No wonder my 6mo freaks every time it’s time to go out!

  72. Liza says:

    We must have a stroller monster. :@))

  73. Cris says:

    Oh, my goodness. I literally have tears over here from laughing! *loves it*

  74. Brett says:

    So true! For some reason I remember seeing monsters in the grain of woodwork when I was a kid.

    I have a lot of intact memories from age 2-6, which I gather is unusual. And that hallucination theory has merit. What I saw is not what adults saw.

  75. Genie says:

    This explains why his socks and shoes are made of lava and why he screamed “NO SHIRT!!!” for 30 minutes straight the other night. :)

  76. Monica says:

    I love this!! This so explains my son. I think there must be one monster that goes from item to item.. car seat, stroller, high chair, ect… This was perfect.

  77. Jiyoonie says:

    oh man… this is great. thanks, i needed this!

  78. oh I LOVE this !!!!!!!
    Just what I needed this morning, a good giggle :-)

  79. Katrina says:

    Oh my goodness, that was hilarious. I will definitely use that next time I am getting super frustrated with mine!

  80. Elizabeth says:

    My private theory is that between the ages of about 18mnths and 5 years you are actually dealing with a drunk person. It’s how I get through my day when my 3 1/2 yo is being insane: “oh. I understand that now. It’s just what a drunk person would say/do/excrete”.

  81. Cathy says:

    OMG! This is exactly what my grandson did today, including saying “Poopy diaper”, when he didn’t even have one! BTW, love, love, LOVE your blog!!!

  82. Having a car is every man’s dream, I wish to have one!

  83. That is absolutely true! My little brother always resist from sitting in the car seat alone and cries hard.

  84. Ravynne says:

    I believe this theory only because I remember hallucinations as a toddler… some weren’t very nice hallucinations. So, pity is there when my own daughter goes through it.

  85. Iris says:

    As I’m reading this, my 2yo son just licked the keyboard on my laptop…he must be hallucinating a lollipop.

  86. Always funny, but this one is exceptional. Hilarious!

  87. Lauren says:

    I just did a weird shriek/laugh thing.
    I accept your theory.
    It’s the only one that makes sense. Thanks!

  88. Amy Waters says:

    you must have this seat for you kid http://www.kidsembrace.com/product_view.php?prod_id=5
    b/c i’d sure as hell freak out then too, LOL
    love your blog

  89. Lana says:

    When we had this trouble, I found a tickle worked better than any force could ever have. Kid gets to laugh and they collapse into the car seat and you do it up real quick.

  90. Lia says:

    OMG. I am laughing so hard Im crying. Every parent NEEDS this kind of humour. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

  91. Jackie says:

    This is hilarious and made my day :)

  92. Nicole says:

    I reflected on this post the other day as my 2yo became a ninja while I was trying to get him into his carseat. My inner Chuck Norris came out and I was able to overpower his efforts. And off to the grocery store we went!

  93. I do not leave a response, but I read a great deal of responses here the toddler hallucination theory: Car Seats – Crappy
    Pictures. I actually do have a couple of questions for you if you tend not to mind.
    Could it be only me or do a few of the comments look like they are left by brain dead visitors?
    :-P And, if you are posting on additional online sites, I’d like to follow anything fresh you have to post. Could you post a list of every one of all your public pages like your twitter feed, Facebook page or linkedin profile?

  94. Stephanie says:

    Ugh, I hate when this happens. The little one is usually so good, but every once and while she’ll just got nuts. Thanks for the laugh!

  95. Linda Love says:

    LOL!!!! So funny!!!

    We used to have car seat monsters too… apparently!

    Wish I had known about them before they went off to torment some other toddler.

  96. This explains so much…

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    You must proceed your writing. I am sure, you have a great readers’ basee already!

  103. CJ says:

    Probably quite true. Explains a lot.

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