Toddler Diaper Changes

The very first post I ever illustrated was about changing diapers. It feels like ages ago. And things have changed.

I’m now diapering a toddler.

Time for an update!

This is what changing a diaper is like right now…

Poopy diaper changes are a two person job but I’m often understaffed. Today is one of those days.

First, a scent is detected:

Diaperchange1

He says no to everything so he is not to be trusted.

I go for a visual check by pulling the back of his diaper away from his body:

Diaperchange2

Being careful to only grab the outside of the fabric, just in case the poop has gone all the way up his back. Like usual.

I have to get a visual to determine the severity of the poop. This information is used to estimate how many wipes I’ll need to prepare.

It is severe.

I go and wet several with warm water:

Diaperchange3

And give myself a pep talk in the mirror.

I don’t really do that. I think people only do that in the movies.

Anyway, then I plant the wipes in the changing area and find Crappy Baby.

I make an announcement:

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And the chase begins…

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He usually winds up ducking under the table.

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And no amount of coaxing will make him budge.

So I have to go under there and drag him out as he giggles:

Diaperchange9

He finds all of this hilarious.

Finally, I’ve captured him!

I hold him away from me (the method mentioned in this post also about poop) because if I use the traditional hip hold his squirming may shift his diaper just enough that I’ll get poop on my dress. Best to play it safe.

We arrive to the diaper changing area:

Diaperchange10

I’m totally prepared with wipes, a fresh diaper and a variety of distraction material.

But sometimes I’m not prepared for his leg-swung-over-his-body flip maneuver:

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And this happens:

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And I can’t let that happen today or the chase will start over and I’m already out of breath.

So I hold him down with one hand while selecting a distraction object:

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He wiggles and twists but does not escape this time.

Even his backbend move is calmed at the offer of a distraction object:

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I hand him the book.

It is a new book. Not new to our house but new to the distraction offerings basket.

So it actually works:

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I move at lightening speed, unsnapping the diaper and grabbing wipes.

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Holding his ankles with one hand and wiping with the other.

Almost there! This is going well…

Book is tossed. His hands go straight to the poop:

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Like a ninja, I grab a second distraction object. Using only my mind because I can’t let go of anything. Telekinesis rocks.

I offer it in an excited, high-pitched tone so that it sounds fantastically interesting:

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And he takes it.

But it too winds up where I don’t want it:

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Fortunately he is pretty clean already.

All that is left is to get a new diaper on him. He really hates this.

He backbends, he twists, he flails his arms and legs.

I have to hold him down with my knee:

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And finally…done!

By the time I bend down to deal with the dirty diaper, he has already flung himself from the mat and is out the door.

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A toddler diaper change!

A job well done. I’m tired.

———————-

PS – if you liked this post, then you’ll definately, probably like my new book: Parenting: Illustrated with Crappy Pictures

This entry was posted in crappy pictures, diapers, messy stuff, parenting, toddlers. Bookmark the permalink.

378 Responses to Toddler Diaper Changes

  1. Karen says:

    OMG THIS is why I love your blog! This is exactly what it is like with my two year old!

    • Megan says:

      At this age I found that throwing them in the shower (all people with children should have a detachable shower head for so many reasons) for a rinse off was way less effort and much more successful than a poop wrestling match.

    • Christine B says:

      I have found it to be easier to just pin them. I have 2 daughters. I just pin there arms down carefully with each of my feet. It works like a charm every time. Unless you get the blow out diapers were the poop is all the way up the back then it’s the detachable shower head time!

  2. Heather Bridges says:

    I just peed myself laughing! Thank you!

  3. Janet says:

    Just reading this brought back all the memories. So happy my youngest is potty trained!!!

  4. Jo says:

    Hmm. Perhaps you should just chase him into the shower and hose him down.

  5. Rachael says:

    Wow, you nailed it, especially with the cloth diapers and all. So true in our house, including the knee hold LOL!

    • Shannon says:

      The part they don’t tell you is how cloth diapers partially mask the stinkiness…therefore delaying the discovery of his poopiness!! If I don’t realize he’s poopy right away my 2 year old will pull his diaper down like pants and hand it to me. Ew.

  6. JJ says:

    The “wipe wif duck” part is so funny! Just yesterday my daughter tried to “help” wipe with the tube of diaper rash cream.

  7. Laura says:

    Ha! This is exactly what ours are like too! Glad it’s not just my little monkey. :)

  8. Angela says:

    HAHAHAHA!!!! I had this EXACT scenerio this morning with my 2 year old daughter! Thank you for making parenthood a little more humorous! =)

  9. Amanda N. says:

    Well, I’m glad to see that I’m not the only one who resorts to using a leg to hold down the squirming toddler during a diaper change. LOL

    • Hallie says:

      I’ve always wondered if the neighbors can see me “sitting” on my child and what they’re thinking… Everyday I expect to have social services at my door for reports of screaming “No!” and sights of me chasing and sitting/kneeling on my child! I’d like to see THEM change my 35lb 2yo! lol

      • Sarah says:

        Me too! LOL I like when my 3yr old starts screaming and crying “you’re hurting me” because I hold him, when I brush his teeth. Then I have to yell over top of him that I’m just brushing his teeth and I wouldn’t have to hold him if he would stop trying to run away.

        • Sara says:

          Totally! All the yelling and dramatic blood-curdling screams from my child over toothbrushing and putting on socks. Time-outs are met with crazy-ass screaming, like he’s being tortured! If I actually beat him it would probably be quieter. I am really waiting for that knock on the door from social services.

          • mary says:

            LOL! I have two kids,now out of diapers! It WILL happen, I promise! But I know what you mean about the Social Services worry! The screams still happen with toenail cutting time! LOL. Hang in there!

          • Angela says:

            Sara, Maybe your child has sensory issues, mine did the bloodcurdling screams too for teethbrushing and socks and other things, once I figured the sensory stuff, got a solution and no more screaming! Seamless socks or none at all, the right flavored tooth gel and always let him pick the toothbrush.

    • Stephanie says:

      When my son was a toddler I’d change him on the floor. Two feet on two shoulders were a great way to keep him from going anywhere.

      • Sam says:

        I’ve been doing that since my son was tiny, (age wise) he’s just turned one will this keep working!
        so glad to hear i’m not the only one who needs four limbs to change one child

    • bebemochi says:

      I know this sounds pathetic, but tears of relief actually sprang to my eyes when I saw that. I’m a first time mom and nobody tells you you might have to hold your child down to change him. Even the books that claim to tell you everything other books don’t! I hadn’t mentioned that to anyone else because I thought I would get judged.

      • MM says:

        me too .. i’m going thru it now with my nearlly 14month old it’s so stressful .. reduces me to tears as there is no 5min nappy change anymore it’s like 30min! i’m a first time mum too and i’ve never read it in any books! nothing keeps him distracted

      • Lacey says:

        My little guy (14 months) is actually pretty good – except for the whole reaching for poop/grabbing his poopy junk thing. But it can definitely be a wrestling match sometimes. However, my friend’s son NEEDS to have two parents change him each time, and even then they had to do it while he was standing and trying to escape. Thank goodness he’s potty trained now!

    • Ashley says:

      Oh girl. A knee wouldn’t even come close to working for mine. I have to use a foot on each shoulder. I also have sit on the floor to change her. She’d be in a full body cast and a helmet if I attempted diaper changes on raised surfaces.

  10. April Ellis says:

    I’m in that stage with my 8 month old! Agh! I was in that stage with my toddler when I was pregnant and it sucked…oh the joys.

    • Frances says:

      I *am* in that stage with my toddler (two on Saturday), and 33 weeks pregnant. It is not amusing in the moment, but this post is, because it’s right on as always!

    • melissa says:

      Thank goodness im not the only one with an 8 month old in this stage. I miss immobility.

  11. sara says:

    So potty training is on the horizon? I can’t wait for those posts because that is the hell I’m living in.

    • amber says:

      Yes, and hopefully potty training will be so effortless again that I won’t have anything to say about it. :) Here’s hoping!

      • Erin says:

        My then almost three year old was pure hell, but I put her straight from cloth diapers to underwear and we didn’t go back. I drowned my iphone in the washing machine, and there was many a poopisode, but the child was 100% done in under a week. The other one was ECed for most of her first year, so she was done at 21 months. Good luck with that!

      • Emily says:

        Potty trained my just turned 2 year-old boy last week (and was successful). The hilarity it has brought to the house! Can’t wait to hear about it on the blog soon!

  12. Tracy says:

    Nailed it as usual! lol

  13. Jessica says:

    I swear you have a camera in my house! Down to the knee hold and telekinesis!

  14. Misty Pratt says:

    LOL, what happens to the poor duck?

  15. Suz says:

    Lol!! I had that model of child as well. One of the best days in my life was when she learned how to go poop in the potty. Seriously, better than college graduation.

  16. Kristin says:

    Ah, the lie about the poopy diaper. I never understand that. Why does he *want* to sit in poop? And the leg flip is the most irritating part of toddler diaper changes.

    • Heather says:

      As our pastor (and the father of 7 kids) says: “It may smell funny but it’s warm and it’s mine.”

    • jonathon says:

      because it is warm, mushy and feels like mashed bananas. They don’t care about the smell and they don’t comprehend the risks associated with the bacteria that live in poop, because they are to young to comprehend. All they know is it feels nice.

      This is the same feeling I get when I have a Poopy diaper myself (Incontinent) but also through being an Adult Baby myself I can understand why a child would say no to a poopy diaper change.

    • Anna says:

      Oh I hated the leg flip, so once dd started doing that I told her she could lie still or use the potty… potty it was! Will probably do EC with the next one

  17. Barb says:

    Yep. That is pretty much how it goes. It explains how THIS stage (my daughter is 18 months) is so much more exhausting than the baby stage (in which they are immobile). Thanks, as always, for making me laugh at my life.

  18. Áine says:

    Oh thank you!! Now that is EXACTLY how each change is with my 2 year old!!! Tough job huh?

  19. EmpressMomma says:

    Hahahahahahahahaha, oh man. I have one of these AND a wiggly crawler ninja type. The worst is when they team up. I’m changing one, and the other comes over to try to “help.” The plus? I’m developing MY ninja skills and getting some cardio in SEVERAL times a day!!

  20. Candace says:

    Seriously, this is exactly like it is! I love all of your posts!

  21. Jenny Kuehnle says:

    Oh man, I’m in trouble. This is how my 8mo is. Luckily, he cannot run yet. I’m gonna need a baby-catching net.

  22. Jen Fortener says:

    OMG this was hysterical. This is exactly how my 13 month old is!

  23. Sommer says:

    So true, but loved it when mine would poop and then automatically hate it and tell me right away he pooped so this scenario stopped. And thankfully now potty trained and no more diapers! Yay!

  24. Oh yes, that is exactly how it goes. I’m just so grateful that phase is behind me now, and my toddler is in the (mostly mastered) toilet training phase. Thanks for another great laugh.

  25. Siobhan says:

    It always amazes me how dead on you are for the happenings in our own household. I adore you and your blog.

  26. Tina says:

    Oh the memories you bring back! Thanks for the great laugh :D

    • westlakemum24 says:

      I agree! The days of diapers are long gone, but the memories are ever close to mind… THANKS for the laugh, the remembrances, AND the gratitude that I’ll never have toddler diapers again!! :D

      • Grandma Mary says:

        Ha! The memories come back fast when your first grandchild is born. Then it is payback time to your ‘diaper changing flipper’. AND – you find yourself still an expert in some of those Ninja moves you thought you lost 27 years ago!!! I am grinning from ear to ear just thinking of watching my son changes his girls!!!

  27. amanda phillips says:

    I always check for poop and I always get poop on my fingers, you would think after 6 kids I would have some kind of technique, but I dont =) your blog cracks me up!

    • Chrystal says:

      My husband, without fail, gets poop on his fingers when checking our boys’ diapers! He will be relieved to know he’s not alone! ;)

  28. Jen says:

    Hysterical as always!!! I feel your pain – My 10-month old has already mastered the ‘leg-over body flip’, and he only crawls, but I usuallly end up with a naked baby speed-crawling across the room while I chase with a clean diaper. On the bright side, I have learned to put a diaper on a baby that is upside-down, on his belly, or even crawling… it is exhausting!

    • Jen says:

      spooky – I’m Jen too and we have the exact same with 9 month old!!!! We’ve had the leg over body flip since about 5 months – she very lucky she’s so cute!!

  29. Jennifer says:

    LOVE THIS!! LOL!

  30. Liz says:

    OMG! Yes!!! And the thing I hate most is that even thought the baby is done with the poo and off to have fun, I still have to scrape the poo off in the toilet without getting any on myself!

  31. Christy says:

    This is pretty much exactly what happens in my house. Except I have 21 month old twins so I get to do it twice as often! (sigh) I just try and convince myself that I’ll miss all this one day when they’re older. (Yea right!)

    • amber says:

      I’m not sure about that one. I think I’ll miss the tiny diapers, but not miss actually USING them.

    • Maha says:

      Haha I have 14-month-old twin boys and sometimes I wonder if it would be easier to just remove all carpets/furniture/curtains and just have them walk around without diapers….I’m thinking it will be easier to cleanup the poop and pee rather than deal with the “leg-swung-over-his-body flip maneuver” twice as often!

  32. Alicia says:

    I HATE the chase. C has started doing it with everything. Bath, diaper, bed, teethbrushing. I hate chasing her because she thinks its fun, but if I don’t we’d never get anything done.

  33. Kendra B. says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHA this is EXACTLY how it is!

  34. Amen. I abhor the “leg-flung-over-body flip maneuver.” With a passion. My fifteen-month-old uses this as her go-to move. Ugh. I especially like it when the flailing toddler sticks their hand/foot in the poopy diaper I foolishly left a tad too close. Sigh. Occasionally I enlist big sister as a distracter, but that often leads to chaos of a new kind. Sigh.

  35. Jenny B says:

    Wow this is so exactly what my kids do, especially my daughter. I have to step back and take a look at my life when the phrase, “No! Get that away from your vagina!” comes out of my mouth more than once each day.

  36. Erica says:

    Oh my, I can’t stop laughing. This is so my experience. Every. Single. Day.

  37. Christine says:

    Ugh. Word. Toddler diaper changes are haaard. And my toddler screams to the point neighbors probably think he’s being injured or something.

  38. Lori says:

    Yes, for awhile we had to use all four limbs to get our 2yo changed. Our feet were used to pin down his arms and keep him from putting his hands in the poo while we quickly changed him with our hands. Thankfully, we don’t have to do that anymore :)

  39. MamaKara says:

    Same here except the laughing of crappy baby is screaming in my household.
    AND I’d like to ask this question to HUGGIES- how in the HELL are you supposed to work those new slip-on little movers diapers when there is poo leaking everywhere? Or get them on with butt paste all over little’s butt without getting it everywhere????

    • Becky says:

      Yes, I have seen those commercials and wondered the same thing! We are to the pull up phase and luckily they make those with the little tabs that you can just pull apart. I think I’d just keep a pair of scissors handy to cut the sides off.

    • Michelle says:

      We used pull-ups with my daughter and I LOVED them because they mean you can change all #1 diapers while the child is standing up (great when in public) very easily; as far as taking them off, even if they didn’t have the pull-apart tabs (cheaper brands didn’t), I just ripped the sides open. I have debated switching to them early with my son, but they are more expensive so I will wait…

  40. Tracy says:

    Yes, my 21 month old has perfected the “leg-swung-over-his-body flip maneuver” and changing him has become a 2 person job…and like you, I normally find myself a person short! Hmm…I wonder why that is…

    This is how my conversation normally goes, “Did you poop?” “No Momma.” “Are you sure you didn’t poop? You’re really smelly.” “No Momma.” “I think you pooped.” “No, Keef.” (That’s what he calls his brother, Keith.) “Come here and let me see.” Proceeds to back up to me, while making a back up beeping noise. I (carefully) check his diaper. “You did poop!” Proceeds to laugh at me (then runs like a crazy person).

    • amber says:

      The back up beeping noise is priceless!

    • Sue O says:

      I LOVE the back-up beeping. ha ha.. Similar to your son blaming the poop smell on his brother – when my daughter denies pooping she blames it on our dog Macy (who is a great dane) . Goes like this: our son who is 3 will say “I smell poop” I ask baby girl “did you poop” she smiles and says “noooo….Macy!” believe me – if Macy had pooped, we would ALL be well aware of it.

  41. Jaime says:

    Sounds right! I think it is Elijah’s favorite time of day *chase* and then run off the changing pad while I am putting the diaper in the cover.

  42. Amy says:

    You can use your leg to assist during a diaper change?! That solves so many problems!

  43. Pam says:

    My personal move is to sit on the floor with my legs spread apart and pin one arm of the toddler with each foot. Every time I do it I feel ridiculous, but it does minimize the number of headstands he does (when I have both legs and he arches back/twists suddenly). Thanks for letting me know I’m not the only one who finds this ritual challenging.

    • Silverdragon says:

      ROFL, Pam – loving the headstand picture!! My 7mo tries that one already – she can twist herself into a pretzel given a chance. Will have to remember the feet-on-arms technique.

  44. iinka says:

    A couple months ago I changed my son while my sister was visiting. It looks a bit like wrestling on the floor. At one point my sister asks, “Did you just body slam your son?” Why yes, yes i did, but he was asking for it with that leg flip move. For a such little guy he sure is strong!

  45. Sarah says:

    It does make you wonder what’s worse, the stressful nappy changes or potty training! lol

    http://mystickfamily.blogspot.com/

    • amber says:

      Nappy changes. Potty training is going to be a BREEZE for me. It totally is.

      • Jen says:

        I just potty trained my twin girls. The fear of it kept me from trying until my husband suggested that since they were going to be 3 in May, it may as well start now. It was like Christmas!! The easiest thing I’ve done with them to date- am I doomed? :)

        • Erika S. says:

          Can you PLEASE tell me how the potty training is a breeze!?!!? Seriously don’t want to burst your bubble of optimism Amber, but it was a looong and drawn out thing for my older 2. It’s true that I’m just lazy and don’t want to argue about it, but in reality I am pondering waiting until my youngest (2 turning 3 in July) turns 6 to start trying! I figure elementary school will work it out! …not really, but I wish!

      • Chrystal says:

        I love how absolutely sure you are!! :)

  46. Emily says:

    I have been waiting for another good post, and this was it. You had me crying in my office. “Wipe wif duck”. Priceless. My daughter follows up every diaper change (or now, potty time), with “No pants?” because she hates wearing pants!

  47. Donna says:

    I must have said, “Ewww” once when changing a particularly messy diaper, because now my lovely 18-month-old bub says it, loudly, every time I change her diaper, even for just a wee. Then if she sees it on the floor after its folded up she says it too. Always makes me chuckle.

  48. Lisa says:

    And you need to get up on a stool? I love telekenisis or hover that’s spelled

  49. Heather_P says:

    We refer to that first maneuver as the ‘alligator roll’. All three of mine did it, but the third (only boy) is so much stronger than the girls were. It’s quite a workout!

  50. Amy says:

    BTW, pre-poop pep talks are not just for the movies. I have to do it every time there is a diaper explosion.

  51. Amanda says:

    This makes me so glad we did EC. My almost two year old hasnt pooped in a diaper in … I cant remember it’s been months. And since he hates clothes or underwear or anything he can’t totally do all by himself I can only imagine what a diaper change would be like at this age. Hilarious though. :)

    • Tricia says:

      We are doing EC with my daughter (15 mo) too, but she still goes for the poop while she’s on the toilet. She hates diaper changes and I keep telling her when she can (consistently) tell me she needs to go potty she can wear big girl panties…but I don’t think she gets the idea of “panties” yet, and really she’s having wayyyy too much fun to stop playing and sign “potty” most of the time. Unluckily she stopped making “poop faces” as often too so it’s harder to tell. Ah well. SOME success is better than none at all. :-)

    • Lindsay says:

      I was just thinking the same thing! My 12 mo old still has a back up diaper for public and night time, and changing pee diapers are a wrestling match of their own. So thankful to not have poop in the mix. The past six months the worst of it has been hoovering nearby her little potty saying “no touch!” “toys aren’t toilet paper!” Little prayer of thanks each time we catch on the toilet: wipe, flush, pull up pants, release!!

    • Di Linh says:

      Same here Amanda. I’ve ECed two kids now and it’s so much easier in the long run than diapers. My first ECer never had a poopy diaper. She only used the potty for poops from birth on and was out of diapers by 21 months. My second ECer only had about 5 poopy diapers ever and was potty-learned at 22 months. Pee diapers are so much easier to wash. I always squirm when I hear about poopy cloth diapers.

  52. nikita says:

    I am sitting in a bank waiting to discuss weighty financial matters trying not to cry and giggle histerically. Thanks for the much needed laugh. :)

  53. Iomay says:

    Okay, we have similar techniques! Except I do ACTUALLY give myself a pep talk depending on the smell level. I honestly have to tell myself NOT to throw up sometimes. Blergh.

    • amber says:

      Pretty sure I don’t breathe at all during diaper changes. I guess holding my breath for long periods is another skill that I left out!

  54. Leia says:

    This is my life too. Thanks for laugh. I always think it is weird how comfortable I have become with having someone else’s poop on me so much. My son’s poop change is pretty much an Olympic event. Us moms are the true athletes. I don’t know you Amber but I really love you! I think you are the only one who truly “gets” me.

    • Leia says:

      oh, and my son (almost 2) also has a love of trying to pee on me once the diaper is off. He thinks it is the funnest game ever.

  55. Carrie says:

    Yep, I get this a lot. Especially ‘hand to poop’ then immediately ‘hand to mouth’! Why oh why do they do this??

  56. Brandy says:

    I always changed bums on the floor. I had a certain “leg of squashiness” that would make an appearance if needed. It wasn’t loved but the kids all still remember it :)

  57. Marlaina says:

    Thank you for a great laugh! I can relate to every step!!
    :)

  58. Kelly D. says:

    From someone who doesn’t do this everyday anymore I can say I miss this! They grow up too fast.

  59. Rebecca says:

    This is almost word for word the way things go with my two year old. Thankfully his distraction objects are the “little” travel powder and the ButtPaste. But the answer to the question is still the same: “No” and then RUN!!!!!

    • Pam says:

      my child also loves the Butt Paste. disturbingly so. But in a pinch I’ve used it to play ‘fetch’ to keep him from running away from diaper change. sigh

  60. Melanie G says:

    I am envious of your telekinesis. I could’ve used it this morning while changing my gymnast toddler. Holding down with a knee is a neat maneuver, I’m going to have to try it!

  61. Dianne says:

    This is 100% what I experience every time I try to change my 18 month old…right down to how many wipes to get wet ahead of time. It’s a sad day when you misjudge on the wipe count…

    • amber says:

      My husband is the worst estimator of wipe need. Often winds up yelling, “Uh, help! Can you get me some more wipes!?”

      • MamaKara says:

        My wipe count for a regular poo is 6. My husband ALWAYS pulls out less. I haven’t had a 12’er in a long time. But now that I’ve said that…….

  62. Ellen Lloyd says:

    Hahahaha! All of this is SOO true.

    (And poop on your dress is the WORST. Happened to me in a very memorable incident when I was 8 years old; simply traumatizing!)

    • Lacy says:

      When I was a teenager, maybe 14 or 15, my friend got baby poo on her while babysitting. Afterwards she came to my house and any time something mildly gross was brought up she would say oh well, it doesn’t matter, I got poo on me today. Not much could top that at the time. lol

  63. Lizz says:

    understaffed. that’s the perfect way to put it!

  64. Maggie says:

    22 month old twin boys – nuff said. Diapering IS my workout.

  65. michelle says:

    Okay, seriously. It’s time to put a warning on these posts of yours “Do not attempt to read with chest cold or severe choking from laughter may occur”.

    • Silverdragon says:

      Michelle – I think that the warning is superfluous… if you are reading Crappy Pictures, just ASSUME you’re going to laugh until you choke – upper respiratory tract infection, or no!!!

  66. Mishi says:

    The only part missing is the fact that 30 minutes later (or so it feels), the whole process is repeated!!!

    Love the picture of you holding crappy baby down with your knee!

  67. Sue O says:

    my daughter (20 mos) is like this. my son (3 and out of diapers) never gave me a problem……my daughter tells me “poop, change” and then she starts RUNNING saying “hide hide” and she goes behind the rocking chair in her room and starts “roaring” like a lion, or dinosaur or monster……whichever she is in the mood for at the moment. I have no idea how this game started but now every poopy diapers starts this game. She is also a contortionist on the changing table – once I do get her up there, she tries everything to squirm away from me.

  68. Colleen says:

    Absolutely, 100%, accurate.

  69. Liz says:

    My 2 year old usually submits to diaper changes (he’s defective; he also sleeps through the night, EVERY night.) However, *I* have memories of being sat on during diaper changes! (I think I was potty trained by 3, I just have a really good long-term memory I guess :P)

  70. KiwiBunnz says:

    My son clamps his knees shut… and there is no moving them. I have to barter with him so I can remove the poo from the creases between his leg and his groin. At least he distracts himself playing with his penis… I have to clean that real fast!

  71. Lacy says:

    When my daughter and nephew (only a week apart) went through this stage I used to change them on the floor and put my feet on their shoulders so they couldn’t move. Still a bit challenging, but thy were not going anywhere!

  72. Jolleen says:

    I really think you somehow spied into my life as it was about 13 years ago (only then it was crappy toddler and baby!) So don’t miss that stage!! What’s great fun (as I’m sure you have experienced this) is when you have completed that process and about thirty seconds later you have to do it again!!!!!

  73. Meggin D says:

    SO here’s the thing…why are there no diapers with zippers??
    I’ve got jammies with zippers for the wiggly impatient one, but diapers with all those snaps?? Seriously!

    • jonathon says:

      well hey made diapers out of denim same material that jeans are made out off so i suppose it can be done. Talk to Miss Kimberley Clark

  74. Jess G. says:

    This is my 18 month old to the tee! It takes two people to change her diaper, and there is usually only one of us around. Distraction objects DO NOT WORK, it’s usually one person changing, and one person making a fool out of them self to keep her occupied. :)

  75. Shannon says:

    No wonder I am so exhausted by the end of the day… and I am changing 2 boys everyday…phew, your post made me want to take a nap…..

  76. V says:

    It would make a good Olympic sport or maybe a better fit would be in the rodeo.

  77. sarahS says:

    i was waiting for the book to go in the poo. lol. my 17 month old is always trying to put stuff in the poo. i have to have wipes out diaper ready and patience and everything. a toy is helpful in keeping her distracted but she tries to put it in the poo lol.

  78. Dustin says:

    Wow! That is just what changing our son is like! I hate when he shoves his hands down there too when i’m not looking. Ewwwwww!

  79. Irene says:

    This is exactly how it goes except we are using a changing table and my daughter’s “move” is to flip the leg over her body, and then sit up and scoot over to the other side of the table (a whopping foot or so by the time she’s gotten to a sitting position) and swipe at the wipes or stuff in the dresser which is right next to the changing table.

    The best thing happened today–she is potty training and usually…massages…while she pees. DH finds this disgusting but I know a little about how the feminine body works and I let it go. Until today, when she came up with POOP all over her fingers and hand. DH had to help hold her hand while I wiped it and guess what? Poop on my hand, poop on her hand and sweater. More poop discovered on my hand several minutes later as the diaper was going back on. I gave her a quick sanitizing gel swipe and she decided to lick her hand several times. Seriously??

  80. Gabi says:

    My (childless) friends always laugh at me when I carry my toddler as far away from me as possible when she’s got a poopy diaper. So glad others understand why I have to do it :)

    My 2-year-old has a plastic doll she loves to play with. When she’s got a poopy diaper, I tell her, “I think it’s time for you to change your baby’s poopy diaper”. So the routine now is, I lay her on her changing table, give her her doll and a wipe, and she “cleans” her doll while I clean her. It’s been working like a charm.

  81. Tanya says:

    My son started doing this as soon as he could crawl and by 8mo I didn’t have a hope (he’s now 16mo). The mystery is that he never objects to changes at nursery, I’ve asked! For a while I used to hang a mobile above his change table, which worked, but only for a few weeks. The only solution for one-person changes now is to get him to play with the stereo at the side of the change table. He stands next to it and twiddles the knobs, while I change him standing up — on really bad days I settle for a pull-up.

    This is one reason I can’t even contemplate going to washable nappies; the disposable ones only need changing when there’s an actual poo involved, the rest of the time they just magically stay dry (up to a point, obviously). So we only have to go through this at most twice a day… except when he’s teething. Or sick. Shudder.

  82. Rachel Blackett says:

    This is exactly what it is like with my 14 month old already!! Only thing is she can’t talk yet!!

  83. Kara says:

    I’m in the middle of diaper hell with 3 in diapers, my 3yr old who refuses to potty train, and 1yr old twins. Luckily the 3yr old is happy to lay calmly while I change him, but the twins are in the “squirmy” stage. One mostly likes to just kick his feet a lot, which means poopy diapers left too close end up leading to poopy feet. The other one is just like you pictured here. I’m going to have to stop using the changing table with him because I need to start using my legs to pin him down lol. I’ve always had to use one leg pinned across their chest at that stage, as well as many repetitions of Pat-a-cake to keep their hands busy.

    • Alisha says:

      Wow, that’s rough. That was my biggest fear last summer when our oldest (3 yrs old) refused to potty train. Luckly she randomly decided no more diapers one day right before baby #3 was born. So I’ve had 2 kids in diapers the last few years but that has been tolerable.

  84. Kate says:

    Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! It’s funny because it’s depressingly true…
    Kate
    http://www.justdelivered.net

  85. vikki martin says:

    It’s nice to know that the procedure has not changed in 40+ years!! LOLOLOL

  86. sahjmom says:

    I can still see my then 9-yr old trying to change his sister. She would do the “flip and crawl” away from him as fast as she could….right out of the diaper that he so carefully tried to pin on her.

  87. Jen says:

    Bahhhh… it is so frustrating! My 2.5 yr old still denies that she has pooped her pants. Hello smartie pants I can smell it!

  88. yael weiss says:

    OMGosh, you TOTALLY nailed it…except my little guy (14 months today) goes under the table or high chair to poop. Oy. But you are totally spot-on with the wigglies etc. I was laughing out loud at this! you’re great! :)

  89. Sue says:

    Completely 100% accurate. I can’t get my knee all the way up to the changing table, but I have been known to hold his chest down with my chin.

    Telekenesis *totally* rocks!

  90. Jessica says:

    Thanks for the cackle at work!

  91. Amy says:

    You must have drawn these about my daughter…. haha.

  92. RhodeyGirl says:

    My son is only 6 months old but I swear diaper changes are almost exactly like this in my house. He squirms and rolls and tries to put his hands directly in it and then does this crazy back bending thing while screaming at the same time. it’s lovely.

  93. Gina says:

    My youngest has never liked dirty diapers but would always cry when changing him after he was done with the distraction object. Now, at 20 months when I say “I smell stinky stinky poopoo!” he runs into his room and lays down – on his belly. I sing “roll over, roll over” and he does! I like changing him now!

  94. Roxy says:

    haha I love it! We go through the exact same issue during the change, minus the running as master M is only 8 months old and hasn’t worked out how to walk yet! I’m not looking forward to adding the chasing to it.. though maybe it’ll be a great weight loss tool? :P

  95. Mara says:

    I laughed so loud with this one! Actually, I laugh with all of them :-D Thanks :)

  96. melissa says:

    I cloth diaper too, but I gave up on wipes long ago (except for travel and emergencies). As soon as poop happens, I get my son to the bathroom as soon as possible. (He’s a toddler too, so sometimes he runs away liked you illustrated). I like how the bathroom is small and I can close the door so he can’t run away. I sit on the rim of the bathtub, turn on the water, take off the diaper, and then wash my son’s butt off as quickly as possible. I know it wastes water that way, but it’s so much easier on me and cleaner. My son has really sensitive skin, so any wipe (even cloth ones) irritate him. Then I let my son air-dry while I get the next diaper ready. Sometimes, he good about letting me put a new one on. Other times there’s a second chase. Lucky for me, I have mastered many styles of putting on a diaper. I often have to put them on him while he’s standing up–I guess you just gotta do what you gotta do.

  97. Rebekkah Smith says:

    Yep.

  98. Jenny says:

    I’m crying from laughter at my desk right now! This is how it happens for us every day, except we also get super-fast bicycle kicking thrown in there… gotta be fast or else you get a poop-covered foot that flails around!

  99. Natalie B says:

    omg, I laughed so hard! It’s so true, they reach right for the junk. My little one is 7 months old and started that a couple months ago, and so now I employ the toy trick as well. Reading your posts is like seeing my future flash before my eyes.

  100. MamaBella says:

    Oh this brings back memories!! :)

  101. Nick says:

    In our house it goes like this:
    Me: E, did you poop?
    E: Toot. Toot, Mama. TOOOOOOOOOOOOT!
    Me: E, is it still in your diaper?
    E: Yes. Toot.
    Me: E, if it’s still in there, it’s poop.
    E: TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTT! *commence chase*

  102. Jorie says:

    This describes our house pretty well too. My 18 month old is a diaper-changing escape artist. I need new distraction tools. The only part left out is how she screams outside the bathroom while I hose off the offending dirty diaper. Because you know, how dare I leave her out of something that involves hosing, poop, the toilet and everything dear to her.

  103. Emily Hager says:

    This would be sooo funny if it wasn’t the same thing we go through every time! It’s times like this that I really wish mine were interested in potty training!

  104. Sonia Knapp says:

    Mine always have to touch their face or mouth after they stick their fingers in the poo while I am screaming “Nooooooo…” in slow motion.

  105. Natasha says:

    Sounds very familiar, except mine doesn’t respond to distractions and the only way I can pin him down is to do the nappy change on the floor, me sat down with my feet hooked over his shoulders. It looks like I’m doing yoga but is quite effective.

  106. SAS says:

    I’d say go ahead and potty train him, but I’m still in stitches over your potty training realities post. Oye!
    I wish you continued good luck during diaper changes.

  107. Anna says:

    Hehehehehe soooo very true!

  108. Abi says:

    Just like me! Only that I have twins and don`t get tired… I get exhausted… Anyone know why twins poop at the same time???

  109. Amanda says:

    This is hilarious, especially because I can totally relate to this eerily similar scenario on a daily basis with my own 2-year-old boy! Just 2 minor differences: First, when I ask, Did you poop? He says, No. But then I ask, Are you telling the truth? He replies, Nope…. Second, he “hides” by lying on the couch and putting the throw pillows on top of himself. It would almost work… if his little toddler toes didn’t always stick out from under the pillows. ;)

  110. Holly Oehm says:

    haha – this is all so true. I loathe changing my 13 month old’s diaper and I actually do give myself a little pep talk…not in the mirror, just a deep breath and an “ommm” moment. I don’t understand why it is the worst thing in the world for them to have a fresh diaper.
    oh yeah, but when my husband does it – little one lies perfectly still…..ugh.

  111. Alex says:

    Right on! We are now in the stage where he is learning to wipe his own butt. Messy!
    I learned some great pinning down techniques when he got pink eye and we had to do drops. He goes into a panic when anything goes anywhere near his eyes. It did take 2 of us (and lots of effort) until we got the technique down.

  112. Abby says:

    Standing up is the best way to change toddlers (cloth or no cloth, I’ve done both). Give it a try and you’ll never go back.

  113. Lisa Lutes says:

    I have eliminated most of these issues by filling the tub, removing the diaper as fast as I can and tossing her in. Otherwise there is flailing, poo painting, poo flinging, dangling her upside down by her feet, squishing her with a leg lock and having her run through the dirty diaper leaving poo stamps down the hall carpet. While she’s splashing I can dump the poo, put the diaper in the pail, lay out a clean diaper and clothes, wash my hands and grab a towel so by the time she’s out she can’t get her hands (or feet) on any poop.

  114. Leigh says:

    That is EXACTLY what it is like at our house. EXACTLY. Pants have become optional. Because after the diaper (nappy) is on – there is no chance of getting pants on. He moves at Olympic speed to get away.

  115. Staci says:

    Absolutely hysterical! I am still laughing!

    We always think that it’s been a successful diaper change if the leg-swung-over-his-body flip maneuver doesn’t become a full blown crocodile roll. I’m wondering if covering his head with a bag like they do when catching crocs would prevent this? ;)

  116. ha, ha… this is hilarious! Not for you, but I can relate. My 10 month old darling daughter has perfected the leg-swung-over-body flip move, and what a pain in the butt it makes for messy diaper changes. Can’t wait till she’s much more mobile *sigh*.

  117. eleanor says:

    OMG. My very young toddler (13 months) is not nearly as mobile and it is impossible to change a poop diaper. He doesn’t think it’s funny – he thinks it is the WORST THING EVER and screams and cries and flails and rolls over and tries to touch the poop, etc. I had to change SIX poop diapers yesterday. I was very tired.

    We don’t own a TV but it would be awesome if he had one installed directly above his changing table. Instant slackjawed stillness. (Then again I’m sure that would grow old too.)

  118. Kimberly says:

    Too funny! And too awesome that I never had to do this (did EC). At the bottom you totally needed a link to the EC book! I can’t imagine changing toddler poop! (so props to you). Mind, it looks like good exercise! Speaking of poop: “poop” was my daughter’s third word (after mama, and dadda). Had to share (it was only yesterday…so I’m still pretty stoked).

  119. Amy says:

    This is exactly what I do with my 8mo. old NOW (right down to the duck). What am I going to do when he’s a toddler?!

  120. Jessy says:

    Haha! Sounds like my house only I usually have a dog sniffing around trying to check things out. We had been doing diaper changes on the bed to prevent that, but the leg flip maneuver left me hanging onto him by one leg as he dangled off the side of the bed. That was the last change on an elevated surface.

  121. Why why why why WHY do they HAVE to stick their hands right into the mess? Why? It’s like a compulsion …

  122. Lulu says:

    Haha, I love it! Changing my 2-year-old is veeeeeeery similar. Why do they always deny the poop? My daughter *always* goes under the kitchen table and grunts for a while… It’s totally obvious what she’s doing… And yet when she comes out and I ask “Did you have a poop?” she shrieks: “NO POOP!” and runs away. Crazy girl.

  123. Jenny Q says:

    LOL!!!!! This is too true and too funny! It’s like a scene from my life, except with disposable diapers. Are they all just preprogrammed to do the EXACT same thing (run, leg swing, poop reach)?? I also assess how many wipes I’ll need… and I’m pretty amazed at my cat-like reflexes when swatting away my son’s hand before he can reach the poop.

  124. Murphy says:

    I know that duck maneuver, only ours was with a monkey. The first time I said, “Please don’t put the monkey in the poop,” I wondered if that combination of words had ever before been uttered.

  125. erica says:

    Not just the movies. My college roommate used to give herself pep talks in the mirror every morning. They usually just consisted of her saying her name over and over again. “Molly, Molly, Molly” Weirdest thing ever.

  126. Yes. So very yes. We’ve been diapering Baguette on the floor or bed for months because she is so squirmy.

    Also, when I was a nanny learning that toddlers will lie about their diapers, I inadvertently taught my charge to respond with, “No, just gas.”

  127. Jenn says:

    This is one of the funniest poopy pieces I’ve ever seen! You are so talented! The way you deliver our mommy-horror moments is hilarious!

  128. Paula says:

    As soon as my kids could walk, I taught them the downward dog yoga pose; it makes for excellent wiping. And we moved to the bathroom because then I could just flush the poop right down the toilet. I did occasionally have to chase my kids but not every time. I also switched them to pull-ups so they could put on their own diaper by themselves. Nothing makes for cooperation like giving the “power” to the toddler and showing them they didn’t need the baby table any more.

  129. JoAnne Hepp says:

    That is hilarious! So true. You’re on kid number two, so I feel silly throwing this idea out there, like you haven’t tried it, but maybe pick him up BEFORE announcing the diaper change? Love your blog. Think of it all the time when I am having mommy challenges.

  130. Katie says:

    HA HA! My little girl runs takes her own diaper off, yes even the ones that snap, and runs around the kitchen island screaming like a banshee. Fortunately, she only does it with wet ones…so far.

  131. teagans momma says:

    this has been happening at our house since my daughter learned to crawl…she will lift her ENTIRE body up just by the strength of her neck and start twisting from side to side. She just turned a year old last week…

  132. emily g says:

    I love the illustration of you holding him down … A momma’s life is so funny!! :D

  133. Lisa says:

    I laughed. soooo much. absolutely spot on.

  134. Tory says:

    I laughed so hard while reading this, I cried! I just went through about six weeks of hell trying to change my 18 months old diaper. I would have to lay her on the ground, put my ankles on top of her shoulders to keep her down, then hold her feet with my left hand, while she ferociously tried to twist and turn to get out of my hold, while using my right hand to simultaneously wipe and change her diaper. Not easy. She wore a lot of crooked diapers for awhile, to say the least!

  135. Silverdragon says:

    Could someone please explain to me, what is “EC”??

  136. Ah yes, the knee in the chest. Just one of many “Baby Aerobics” manoeuvres that DON’T train you in in Ante-natal class.

  137. Shannon says:

    This is so true! But see, my son was too strong to be held down with one hand, so I perfected the art of kneeling on his shoulders and changing his diaper (prefold and snappi) upside down. :)

  138. Rebecca says:

    Ohgawwwwd…can’t breathe….can’t stop laughing…face….HURTS….

    (Thanks, mama. You know me. You must!) <3

  139. Kimberly says:

    This sounds exactly like diaper changes with my son! He’s 2 1/2 and absolutely hates diaper changes, though he also absolutely refuses the toilet. And he also recently started trying to “help” wipe the poop, too…then touches everything in reach with poopy fingers. So the “help wipe wif duck” was awesome to me.

    Oh I love poop stories. We have to laugh at them or else we’ll totally lose our minds. Thanks so much for sharing! Love your blog!

  140. Curly Mum says:

    Before I had my first, people always seemed to be going on about sleepless nights and how hard that would be. I realised that part was a piece of cake when compared to wrestling a nappy onto a wriggling toddler, yet nobody warned me about toddler changing!

  141. Cathy says:

    I thought I was the only one who ever did the knee trick. I guess the secret is out. I switched my kids to pull on diapers at this stage because if I could hold on to them long enough to get them cleaned up I could never hold on to them long enough to get a new diaper on them. And my son would rip the dipe off the second he pooped. Having to step out of it gave me precious seconds of time to catch it before it was all over.

  142. Lj says:

    This makes me feel better! Under the table ALWAYS!!! ARGH!

  143. Julie says:

    Too true! My 3 year old is finally toilet trained. But when he was in this stage, that is, after the chase, while we gripped his ankles, he would commence the back bending (and/or making his body stiff as a board with legs clamped together, completely unwipable), he would then slam his butt down into the poopy diaper, creating a poop splash radius of several feet. Up, clench, slam down, splat. He was like a bucking poo bronco, and I was the cow girl. We called it the ‘ass rodeo’. I finally figured out how to reduce splash by folding front of diaper over poop really quick, and whisk that package away pronto. Good times.

  144. Sheri says:

    I’ve given up changing kids at a specific spot. I keep diapers, wipes and fold-up mats in locations through out the house. I mostly change them on the floor, sometimes on a bed, any where I can get leverage to hold them down. It sounds terrible. I’m sure there is some comparison to be made about talking a child into a diaper change and talking somebody off the ledge. Maybe we can add that to our Mommy resume… Crisis Negotiator.

  145. Chaucey Ellis says:

    I have a different strategy. Not as effective but a bit easier to get his co-operation. We do a standing up change. He holds his shirt up so it doesn’t fall in the yuck and then I attempt to wipe in the crevices. I think wiping is easier in the lying down position though.
    Failing that I get him to take a bath or shower!

  146. At my house we use a broom to get the kids out from tricky places. It’s like knocking a cat out of a tree. Tranquilizer guns or trip wires then make it easier to catch them.

  147. Kris says:

    Rather than just a comment, I’d like to add a postscript….beware the sneaky, brain-impaired dog, and/or cat, that sneaks up behind you to steal, or God forbid, Play with said poopy diaper before you’re done!!! Argggghhhhhhhhhhhh

    Love your posts Amber!!! So real, and so entertaining!

  148. Maria says:

    Don’t tell me this is what’s my life gonna be like in the next few years! Oh no! oh no..

  149. Genevieve says:

    Would you believe my 10 month old is pretty darn close to this already? My parents are like “I don’t know why she hates getting her diaper changed, you were never like this!” Thanks mom and dad, for the helpful commentary. LOL :) Ah, I think toddlerhood is gonna be fun!

  150. Sharon says:

    I had one like that. I changed him on the floor so I could hold him down with one of my legs and therefore had two hands free. Forget the “distractors” and use your leg! It pins the child more securely in place so the whole thing is over more quickly.

  151. Natasha says:

    LOL, so funny. As an aside, I think the “mirror pep-talk” in movies is the modern-day equivalent of a Shakespearean soliloquy :) I’m sure no one ever used to actually do that either, even in Shakespearean times!

  152. Kristen says:

    Ha Ha! So true – my daughter is now at the stage of “I do it myself”, not quite potty training, just taking off her own diaper really – I look forward to your take on that one, one day!

  153. Cindy says:

    Ah yes, I used to just throw the change pad on the floor so I could really pin him down with my weight. And then the ‘nudie!’ streaking would begin. It was better to just let him run a few moments before tackling him again. Ah thank goodness he’s potty trained. But his baby sister is all about grabbing down for the cloth when I wipe now. And just today I used a distraction toy. I like your distraction basket idea!

  154. Jill says:

    This is what it is like at my house with my 11 month old too. Only you missed the post-bath naked baby chase.

  155. Melissa says:

    This is SO my life right now! Except with a 16 month old and 29 weeks pregnant. She will kindly lay down on the floor and tell me she has poop then as soon as I make the effort to get down on the ground with her she giggles and runs. This repeats a few times. It’s got to be pretty comical watching me get up and down off the floor. Unfortunately she’s much faster than me. What’s really unfair is she’s a perfect angel being changed by Daddy. This means if she poops anytime close to 5PM he gets a present when he walks in the door.

  156. Lesley says:

    I am just so thankful that I’m not the only mother with a child who acts like it’s the end of the world while getting her diaper changed.

  157. Laura says:

    My 19 month old daughter came and sweetly sat in my lap. She had poop all the way up her back…. I carried her upstairs and put her directly in the tub. Meanwhile my 3 year old is yelling up after me – “Why aren’t you putting on my show!” I had to hose myself off and change clothes while she was in the bath.. I am now drinking a glass of wine…..

  158. deetz says:

    This was so funny to me that I just spit all over my computer screen as I lol’ed… I have a two year old. I go through this every day. Every.Day. He goes under the coffee table. We’ve now advanced to the he’s figured out how to take off his diaper and so occasionally he will… and occasionally it has poop in it phase. Good times.

  159. Rachel says:

    Love it!

    I have a 3 wipe strategy with my 15 month old. I use big thick cloth wipes.

    I keep a spray bottle of water at the change table for wetting the wipes. I tuck one smaller wipe (baby face washers work well) in at the back of the nappy (we call it a poo-kerchief) with most of it flapping down. This is an important layer of protection for when they do the flip. Then one wet wipe for the toddler (he likes to help wipe and I found the distraction toys ended up the same place yours did!) and one for me. I’m also experienced in trussing him up like a chicken and holding both of his legs and arms with one hand. *ahem*

    Mostly this works. Mostly.

  160. Amber says:

    You just drew what happens at my house every day! So hilarious!

  161. I’d like to thank you for helping me NOT miss those days even though I miss my daughter. She is now in college and changing her own diapers. Whatever….

  162. Jessica says:

    I love the close-up illustration of your stick arms, one on his chest and one reaching for a distraction object. Hilarious, and so familiar! I think I not only hold my breath while changing diapers but also repeat through clenched teeth “We are changing your diaper. We are…changing…your diaper…” As if that’s gonna somehow make it true…

  163. Jamie says:

    Excellent and accurate depiction!

  164. Carrie J says:

    Laughed so hard I cried! Try your phone. That has been working for me lately. Good luck!

  165. it’s official, you are too funny for this weakened, post-baby bladder to handle!!! thank you for reminding me that there is humor and hilarity in so much of child rearing! I especially loved (laughed so hard with tears streaming down my face and husband thinking I was having emotional break down) the posts on the car show and the playground… lol, still giggle when I think about them…

  166. Julie says:

    I love that I am not the only one with this intricate poo removal routine. This has made my day!

  167. Shelley West says:

    Unfortunately, distractions don’t work for me. My DS dislikes being wiped all together, so he is constantly clenching his legs together, trying to grab my hand or the wipe, or cover his poopy bottom, so his legs and hands are being washed nearly every diaper change…unless dad is there to help hold him down. Uhg!

  168. Amy says:

    Dudes, try this. It’s changed my diaper-changing forever:

    When holding the baby’s legs crossed by the ankle, don’t pull them up straight, but push those crossed ankles DOWN on his tummy (babies are flexible) so his knees are W A Y out at his sides and he can’t reach around to get his hands in the poop. If the ankles are down near his tummy, he can’t get his hands between his legs and in the poop either.

    Ha! Poop play is foiled!

    You may now wipe his undercarriage without interference.

    • Amy says:

      I should have started out first by saying “Great post!” I am most impressed by the fact that you have dedicated distraction objects. My poor kids just get a Motrin bottle (to chew on the rubber cap) or a hairbrush because they are sitting right there on the changing table.

  169. Kristin says:

    OMG! So it will get worse! I suspected it would. My 8 month old has just started to become a maniac during diaper changes. I take off the diaper, then like a moth to a flame his hands are instantly in the way, then he rolls and kicks and flips. He is freakishly strong for a baby! I couldn’t image what would happen once he could walk/ run, before now!

  170. Sarah says:

    I make my nappy cream out of kremelta and beeswax so it smells quite delicious and sets quite hard. My 19month year old likes to eat it. I find this disgusting, but not enough to sacrifice the quiet changes I get while he tries to get a bit out of the jar.

  171. Kelly K says:

    Am I a big cheater for always changing poo in front of the TV then? It works a treat. I tell her to lie down and be still. She will lie down herself and stay there cos she has learnt that if she doesn’t and I count to 3 I will turn the TV off and not put it back on until she lies back down again. At 27 weeks preggers I’m not interested in anything more than our play wrestles and the standard tantrums.

  172. Lindsay Jobe says:

    I love this. HAHA! So funny, and so true! I do this EVERY DAY!

  173. Jennifer J says:

    I had at least a couple that were screaming squirmers (it has been a long time – they are 31,28,24,20,19,and 17). I would kneel down with their heads between my feet, and tuck their hands in the bend of my knees, being careful not to actually sit on their heads or cut off the circulation to their hands. Also, I used my knees to gently squeeze their waist, so they couldn’t flip. Then, I would remove, wipe, and change their nasty poopy butts. Such fun times. Now I do daycare for a living. Four diapers every two hours. Please shoot me.

  174. Carolyn says:

    Dang it! I was eating when I read this post and now I have to clean my computer screen.

  175. Connie says:

    The sad thing is that my daughter is 9 months old and has already been this way for 3 months. It’s unbelievable how strong she is and how she will not remain on her back for more than a nanosecond. Wiping her nose is just as difficult and she’s a snotty kid. God help me when she can walk!

  176. Karin says:

    Went through this with my three year old… and I feel like I’ve been going through this since my newest was 4 months…now 1 year old and screams death screams whenever I have to change her diaper! This is not good, how much more do I have to endure! I laughed hysterically through this whole post! Thank you for sharing the pain! :)

  177. Simne says:

    Oh dear! That is too funny. I just adore your pictures. The facial and body expressions are so real even though they’re stick figures. Love it!

  178. Jana says:

    My toddler daughter has decided that diapers are not for her. So she takes them off at every turn. But then she puts her pants back on, disguising the fact that the diaper is missing. And then she poops. Good times, good times.

  179. Mussy says:

    You know i went back to look at the first diaper post a.k.a the first crappy picture post ever and I must say Amber, your crappy pictures arent that crappy anymore!

  180. sharona says:

    Thank you. I really needed this laugh tonight.

  181. Kitty says:

    Sometimes I think you and I are the same person. Other times I’m just happy there is someone else out there that understands 100%.

  182. Amber Seber says:

    My friend is the best at diaper changes. After catching her son, she sits on the floor with one leg tailor sitting and the other leg stretched out. Little boy is placed on his back on the floor under her leg and she holds him down with it. His legs point toward her body as she holds him down so she can change the diaper. The leg seems to do double duty of both holding down boy and keeping his hands from getting into poop. Brilliant!

  183. Becky Brannon says:

    I just have to say that my *brand new* 2 year old managed to drop poo on her head today. (insert ashamed face) I was changing her on a chair, put the dirty diaper within reach, and Bad Momma Moment! How are they so fast?

  184. Erin says:

    You made me laugh out loud…especially the scene of dragging the toddler from underneath the table. Yes, I’ve been there many times!

  185. Cristal says:

    Love the post! Forgot step one though…change a pee diaper to a fresh one. Apparently its much nicer to poop in a clean diaper. Never. Failed. 90 seconds in the fresh and the grunting and red face would begin… :-)

  186. Jamye says:

    And all this time I thought it was just me… Glad I am not alone. THIS is why you need to make these into a book…I would buy like 20 of them to give as gifts to new moms. :)

  187. Jamye says:

    Need to add to my last comment of me always begging you to turn these into a picture book…IMHO this is what SHOULD be in the what to really expect when expecting book lmbo.

  188. Amanda Boerst says:

    My 11 month old is like that! Of course he can’t walk yet so getting him to the changing area is fine but once we’re there.. let the games begin. Besides the leg flip/back bend moves he loves to swing his legs above him and firmly plant them on me ( usually my boob) and use it as a push off point while he tries to do some crazy feet-over-head flip. Then there’s the ninja roll… lay him down and in less then a second he’s rolled over.. it’s crazy lol

  189. Jen says:

    This brought back so many memories and made me so thankful, my triplets are not potty trained.

    Imagine this battle but then know there are two other waiting in the wings with poopy butts. It was like magic how they used to poop all at the same time.

  190. Mel G says:

    Love it! This is exactly why I got rid of my change table, I just used to sit on the floor with my legs outstretched and pin a little arm under each leg…..voila! no more leg-flip or back-flip rollovers coz they can’t move! Oh, and no hands in the poo either ;)

  191. Jen says:

    This is sadly so true. LOL

  192. Jessica says:

    I have this same issue!!! OMG I was laughing so hard reading this and I LOVE the illustrations!! It’s really nice to know I am not crazy and that other moms go throught the same thing! Thank You!!

  193. Shannon J says:

    We have two – yes, TWO – of these. The only differences are the shrieks of “VULVA!” and corkscrew-curls flying over their shoulders as they run for the hills…

  194. Anna says:

    Love your blog! My son is now 4 1/2. So glad diapers are over. He would squirm so much I started putting one leg over him while I changed him. Sounds horrible, but it worked. It just became automatic. I didn’t realize I was doing it unless I was at someone’s house and they would give me this weird look and start laughing. I always said, “You try it then.”

  195. Mercy says:

    That was too funny.

  196. Amy says:

    So hilarious! We aren’t here yet, but I know its coming!

  197. Sarah says:

    This is my life! I have a 16month old and a 5 month old. And I did the exact same thing with the toddler before work this morning.

  198. Lisa says:

    You forgot the part where the dog comes sniffing at the dirty diaper… Yup, been there!

  199. I swear, this is EXACTLY how diaper changes go in my house…I dread the whiff that inevitable results in me chasing Jax around the house, tackling him, and forcibly changing his diaper without ending up looking like the monkey exhibit in the zoo…poop flies. A lot! Thanks for the giggle!

  200. VanityMom says:

    this is why I’m pushing my son into potty training, its a 5-10 minute struggle everytime.

  201. Syndee Mac says:

    I’ve been waiting for you to do this topic for a long time and knew it was just a matter of time. I read in your FAQ that you don’t do requests…so I was waiting patiently :) Now I only have to wait for the toddler nursing episode…

  202. Rachel says:

    This is one reason why I potty train at one year old! Older kid poop=sooooo nasty!

  203. Kristin says:

    hahahahahahaha! I use what I call the monkey method to hold down my 18 month old when there is a particularly bad poop… distractions are ignored by her. I have to pin each of her arms with each of my feet sometimes because of the extremely strong contortionist she is.

  204. EmpressMomma says:

    Oh geez. My toddler has begun the hide-and-go-poop game. She’ll run to her room, an out-of-the-way corner, under the table, or just disappear ninja-style, then drop a load. THEN, the chase begins. I change them on the floor most of the time anymore. That way I can pin the arms with one leg, and have both of mine free. Hold the feet up with one leg, wipe with the other. That’s assuming she doesn’t do the leg-over-body move or a headstand. ><

  205. Michelle M says:

    OMG – I had almost forgotten those wonderfully crappy diaper changes! My youngest just turned five, so we’ve been away from those things for just over a year (I used to think he was DETERMINED to enter kindergarten in his diapers!). Thanks for the great reminder, and best of luck that future changes will also end with you the “winner.” (kind of) :)

  206. Kate B. says:

    My 8-month-old began early with this. He hates to be on his back. I am very glad for my knowledge of Wing Chun Kung Fu…to pin. him. down!

  207. Jennifer says:

    One of the great things about cloth diapers is that they can be put on backwards and work just as well.

    Worked for us :)

  208. LeahM says:

    My toddler is 22 months old. I only do diaper changes on the floor with my left leg draped over his belly, so that he cannot escape. Mostly, this works. Except when he bites my leg. I also do not announce diaper changes because of the possibility of chase. If there is poop, I immediately scoop him up and grab all supplies with the other hand. But, I don’t do cloth wipes anymore. I think if I did, I’d prepare them in the morning, so that I could do the grab and go thing. What really foils me is the bicycle kick. When that happens, I drop everything and run with him to the sink or bathtub to rinse him off–with arms straight out in front of me, him dangling precariously with poop uncovered and bicycle kick still going. Very risky.

    As always, thank you for the humor you bring to my life. Toddler poop bonding time. It’s like we are one. Ew. Is that as gross as I think it sounded?

  209. Pleasepleaseplease put these incredible gems into a book, and make sure it gets published in Australia! I can guarantee you every mum-to-be I know would get one as a present.
    This post was beautifully-timed for me – I was just musing that there must be some kind of jujitsu hold one can use to stop a pooey baby from flipping over on his tummy on the change table.

  210. Megan says:

    This post could have been my son…see?

  211. annie says:

    Oh, this is soooo true! But my 2yo screams when we try to even look in her diaper!
    And I totally give myself pep talks in the mirror. Sometimes it’s the only adult conversation I have all day!! :P

  212. Jen says:

    Um, my 11 month old is like this (except with the crawling, not the running). Does this mean it DOESN’T get better? ::cries::

  213. Kim says:

    Loving the pic of waft of smelly diaper :) and the knee-wrestling of crappy (and cute as a bug!) little boy. Oh, haha, *crappy* boy. Get it?? LOL

  214. Julie says:

    When my daughter started acting that way, I just decided we were done with diapers. She was already going in the toilet pretty well, so I just followed her lead and stopped putting diapers on her altogether. That was at 18 months. Now, my son… He is almost two and will use the toilet only on occasion. And when he started fighting diapers, it turned out to be the cloth diapers he was protesting. He’d run away and come back, bringing me a disposable! So instead of wanting to be done with diapers, he just doesn’t want to feel it. Wrong direction, pal. But I followed the kid’s lead again because Where to Put the Poop is an area where I really fear power struggles. So I guess we are done with cloth diapers. :( Fortunately they need way fewer diaper changes in disposables at this age since the larger size diapers are so absorbent it’s creepy and the kid only poops once a day. So that’s nice. But he’s not going to feel wet. Which is a huge benefit of cloth diapers and one reason I think my daughter potty trained so early. Dang it. This kid is so particular about how he is dressed that he will have tantrums about having to wear matching shoes and about had a nervous breakdown when he had to stop wearing long sleeves and putting his coat and hat on to go outside.

  215. Jenn says:

    And never mind trying to get pajamas on a child…..

  216. LOVE the “Crappy Pictures!” So glad I’m past this phase…until the next one!

  217. Beth says:

    OH NO, it may only get worse?!?! My little one is 9 months and for the last few months diaper changes have been such a struggle… and I dread the poopy ones! You made me laugh out loud and described our struggles spot on!!! So good to hear others have the same experience! Thank you!

  218. Nicole R. says:

    I love how you ask them (even when they are visibly going poop) and they deny that poop is happening/has happened. My son’s Montessori class (ages 18-3.5 years) started potty training in January. So now my 2 year old stands up to have his diaper changed. My husband thinks its disgusting to ask my son “hands on the floor” so his butt is in the air to wipe (like a dolphin pose in yoga), but it is so much easier than the laying down, flying poop experiences we were having before. A little harder in public bathrooms, but he doesn’t complain and it gets the job done.

  219. I loved reading your first post! The comments are the best part even! Also, my daughter is 8 mos old, and she has already mastered all of these moves. What they hell am I going to do when she is a toddler??

    Jenna
    callherhappy.com

  220. Rachel says:

    Haha, this was an awesome laugh, thank you! (I hope I didn’t wake my husband in the next room o: )

    Sadly this is almost what it is like with our 4 and a half month old already. We don’t have to use knees yet, and we can distract with funny faces and noises, but I can feel it coming, oooh I can feel it coming. She learned how to be on all fours yesterday, and since then has absolutely REFUSED to be anywhere but somewhere she can practice said new skill.

    Thankfully we do ECing, so this traumatic part of her life is lessened (she doesn’t mind the potty so long as I take her off the SPLIT second she’s done) and will hopefully be shortened too, but I think she’s making up for it by squirming all the more now.

  221. Jennifer says:

    Oh my gosh, that is it exactly, spot on perfect!!! I LOVE the part about the pep talk in the mirror-I do the same thing lol. Amazing how fast their little legs can go when it comes time for a diaper change. We have the same experience with clothing changes too. Thank you sooo much for posting this!

  222. Lucy says:

    I’m a nanny for two 18 moth olds and this is my life. Toddler poop is so disgusting.

  223. Farm Mom says:

    LMAO! This is my first visit to your blog and I literally LOL. And then showed it to my husband and we both laughed. You have SO captured the experience! Beautiful… Thank you. I really needed to laugh today :)

  224. Margaret B. says:

    Maybe someone has mentioned it above (I don’t have time to wade through all the comments) but if not, here goes with my fav. toddler-diaper changing method (I’ve had to do this with both my children from the time they were 6-9 months old.) It looks a little strange, but it’s effective: I sit on the floor with my toddler lying on his back on the floor in front of me. His head is to my left, his bottom is directly in front of me and his feet are to my right. All diaper-changing-equipment is also to my right (though, if you’re left-handed, perhaps you might want to reverse things.) The key to this is that my left leg is over my toddlers chest (i.e. my knee is over his chest.) In this position (with my knee over his chest) it’s tough for him to arch his back, roll or even scoot out from under my leg. I offer distracting toys & books to him, we sing, etc… Like I said, it looks strange (and almost a bit cruel) but the fact is that, after a few days of this method, there is a lot less struggle because he knows it’s useless… and even when he’s not struggling I keep my leg in place as a (not so subtle) reminder that this is just how we do things. Also, this method (mostly) keeps his hands away from his poop — it’s just more difficult to get at it because he has to scoot his hand down his side and under my leg…

    Good luck — let me know if you try it and whether it works for you…

    Cheers —
    mb

  225. Bahahaha, I feel like *I* wrote this about my 19 month old!!! :D

  226. Heather L says:

    So true! Every time i get to the toddler stage of diapering with both of my kiddos, I yell curses at myself for not EC’ing from birth….Had i done so, this never would’ve been an issue.

    But cloth dipes are so cute on newborns, and their poop doesn’t stink…If only I could remember what they grow up to be in a year or two…

  227. Danica says:

    all i can say is thank god we just completed potty training w/my 26 month old!

  228. Suzie says:

    A sharp slap to upper leg stops wriggles. Only need to do it a couple of times…

  229. sherry Ortiz says:

    this is a daily occurrence with my almost 2 year old son. I know all of those steps all too well!!

  230. Erin says:

    Instead of the flip, mine does the “ironing board”– just stiffens her legs and will. not. bend. for anything!

    And has anyone else managed to get kicked in the nose when one of the legs gets loose? My little one managed to kick hard enough to bloody my nose and make me see stars. That was a great day… >.<

  231. Sarah says:

    just re the “not enough wipes readied” – keep them ready-dampened in a lock’n’lock type plastic container (have to admit i got this trick off Cheeky Wipes so I’d better give them a shout out http://www.cheekywipes.com/ though they sell a special pop top container now)

  232. Erin OK says:

    ah yes. we usually manage to keep the distraction object out of the diaper, but today a truck drove right through the poop. yuck. it’s still in the bathroom waiting for the sanitization fairy.

  233. Amanda says:

    Ha.

    You forgot the last panel – the one where you walk back into the living room and get a second whiff of poop.

    Every.Single.Time.

  234. Phaedra says:

    My two year old’s daiper changes go fairly well, most of the time… My 10 month old on the other hand…. Distractions don’t work for him at all! I also do not carry my kids close to me when they need a diaper change.

  235. Hazel says:

    Everything on your blog resonates with me. Your crappy baby sounds like my youngest son. Such a feisty one, hates to be pinned down. Would rather run around with a cold poo in his nappy. Yuck.

  236. Sandra says:

    OMG…that made me laugh so hard I almost cried. There are only a couple of differences for me. My little boy is possibly possessed by a well-behaved demon and when I say, “Let’s go change you!” he runs up to his changing table.

    I know. I don’t know what happened but I wish I could just concentrate the shit out of this behaviour and market it or something.

    The other difference is so much less pleasant it almost totally negates the first. My son…is a poo painter. The MOMENT he has a poo-ey diaper he starts grabbing it. If the diaper goes unnoticed for more than 3 minutes he may also start to eat it. I have to change diapers like a ninja.

    • Ashley says:

      That is my worst fear! My son hasn’t realized he can reach the poo, or take the diaper off. Fingers crossed that never happens!

  237. Lisa says:

    I. am. crying. :D

  238. megan says:

    Like trying to put a rubber glove on an octopus.

  239. I cannot tell you how relieved I am to know that I am not the only mother who has used her knees to pin the child down during a diaper change…

  240. michelle dunajcik says:

    that absolutely is correct. I am a gymnast! we change on the floor. same routine with the set up the site. I lay my leg completely across his body like a seat belt. from Hip to opposite shoulder. The leave one hand to defend against! thanks again for the reinforcement of being a normal parent.

  241. Oh no! My 11 month old has been like this for nappy changes for a month now. Is it really going to last until he’s 2?! I’m going to need a bigger box of distraction toys…

  242. I have featured this post as one of my 5 all time favorite parenting posts! Come on by and see it http://www.dirtandboogers.com/2012/09/top-5-parenting-posts-and-new-party.html. We’ve also started a new Sunday Parenting Party where you can link up any of your wonderful posts. I do hope that you’ll come by and link up.

  243. Ashley says:

    How is it you are changing my son!?!?! He now stiff legs and crosses his ankles so I can’t 1. get diaper off 2. wipe him. I need a vise to get his knees apart – I can only hope this is the case in 16 years! We often use the shower to clean off the worst ones. He also loves to kick the wipe container across the room. Sigh.

  244. Rachael says:

    Yay! I’m not the only mommy who has to sometimes practically sit on her toddler to get the diaper fastened! LOL

  245. Nikki says:

    Funny!!! I use to do this too till I found out about Swifty Snap. I’ve had my On the Go for about 3 months now and I love it. I no longer have to deal with any of that. They have stuff for infants also.

  246. Cat says:

    Love it, I am pregnant with my first, but have worked in daycare for about six years now. I do this everyday but with several children, not just one. Everyday is an adventure and just when you think your done, you smell it again and start a new chase with a different child.

    • Michelle says:

      I worked in childcare fo a looong time. Isn’t it funny how you can sniff out a culprit on the playground, near the dumpster with gale force winds and never be wrong about who the poofender is!

  247. Chris McGuire says:

    Four kids later, and I can’t even tell you how much I can relate to this diaper fiasco!! They are all in school now!! Yay!!

  248. Rosie says:

    You need to try Elimination Communication. I have never experienced the scenario in this post with my 20 month daughter because she goes in the potty – just needs a quick wipe to clean her afterwards…

  249. Heidi Kasnoff says:

    i don’t know you but i love you. f’ing hilarious.

  250. jennifer says:

    This is HILARIOUS. Thanks.
    What’s worse though, diaper changing or potty training? I’m dreading potty training our second. As much work as the toddler diapering is, it somehow seems easier than potty training to me.

  251. Amy says:

    Toddler… my eight month old is already doing this! I find a hairband works wonders as a distraction object!

  252. Michelle says:

    So glad I can have my daily poop talk!!! My 2 year old is pretty sane at diaper changes. Unless hubby does it. She is in a mommy only phase and goes ballistic when daddy has to change her. Skip to 9 month old brother. I am pretty sure he came out of me doing the alligator death roll. He was the most active baby ever born! Even the pediatrician and our OB said they’d never seen a newborn so active. He hasn’t quit. Let me tell you! Holy Moly! His favorite move to combine with the death roll is this strange little thing where when I am pulling up the side of the prefold to get it tight enough to snappi, he pushes with his feet so he slides up and basically off the top of the diaper. Now, this might not be terrible but his anatomy is way wacky. He has my hubby’s back crack. Its where the poor kids butt crack seems to go halfway up his back. Like there’s no stopping it! Which means, if I leave the diaper low, there will be poo containment issues to follow. So sliiiide baby back down to try again. He shoves back up! Try this 4 or 5 times, try to keep hands out of poo (his and mine) he’s reaching for the lamp cords, he wants to sit up and watch his feet as he kicks over the bottle of sanitizer, he wants to eat his poo covered fingers, he cackles while playing with his junk, and screams bloody murder the entire time and he can still do the alligator death roll all the while! I don’t even want to hold the kid, because my arms are so darned tired from changing him. ARGH!!! I don’t need a cook or maid, I need a diaper changer!

  253. Erin says:

    I was in danger of waking my finally-napping toddler because I was laughing so hard reading this. This is EXACTLY what it’s like changing my 16 month old. Bless you for this much needed laugh!

  254. Quesadilla says:

    99% of these names are obviously female. The only male I saw scrolling the first half was a dude who wears diapers himself and so can comment on why kids like to sit in their poop.

    So where are the men who know too well the diaper chase? I think they don’t want to compromise manliness by talking knowingly about it. Kind of like how all dudes pretend not to know what mascara is called. Yeah, right.

  255. Melinda says:

    This had me laughing out loud!!! I especially love the steam marks coming off of the poopy diaper!

  256. Aimee says:

    Hang in there Moms. It gets better, and someday you will smile at every mom you see and think, “I know how she feels.” In the mean time, you are not alone! Hugs to you all.

  257. BalDaddy says:

    Oh! thanks for the memories…….
    Boys are the worst, as they tend to pee as soon as the nappy is off I remember; surprising that such a tiny bladder could generate so much water pressure! Enough to hit you in the eye at arm’s length. Old nappy off and baby wipe draped over the offending organ double quick.
    No.1 Son used to scoot backwards across the room taking the changing mat with him. No. 2 son used to go when in his baby bouncer, do that the bouncy splatt action would spray a line of brown up his back however tight the nappy was. Seeing cyclists on muddy roads with a brown line up their back reminds me of that traumatic time. And if you during the struggle got Sudocrem on the tapes you were buggered.
    By child number four I got it taped (if you excuse the pun). No grandchildren yet. If we do have some, I hope I still have the muscle memory for this tricky and frustrating procedure.

    (Children now 27, 23, 19, & 17)

  258. Jennie says:

    So my house, sadly the poo hand happens before the diaper change. Classy gal I have! Hilarious!

  259. Nate says:

    I totally hear you there. My nearly three year old so is the same way. I’ve recently had to resort to holding him down with my leg, using my left hand to wipe and right hand to prevent his hands from getting all poopy. Even then he seems interested in finding some other unnecessary object to assist in wiping with. *sigh

  260. Ann says:

    Love it, I actually used some of your tips to make changing my 1 year old easier – well sort of easier….

  261. Sarah says:

    This used to be our experience also, but then my husband came upon the idea that our two year old could help. He still tries to escape the change, but once he’s on the table he actually holds his legs out of the way. We give him a wipe to wipe himself after we’re all done. It doesn’t always work, but every time it does I think happy thoughts at the husband.

  262. Dawn R. says:

    Nice to read what I am missing by invoking the “Mental Leash” as I call it. I call, child comes. They wiggle, they get swatted. They touch the poop, they get it wiped on their faces until we’re done. Thus, they don’t touch the poop anymore. XD

  263. victoria says:

    i have tears of laughter!
    your drawings are just amazing! and your blog is sooo my life
    loved it.
    thanks
    btw. its 3 am and Im up :)

  264. Cyndi says:

    I love this site. I don’t cloth diaper but every time I change him now I give him his toy duck and I am always catching myself saying “helping wipe wif duck”. It still makes me crack up!!!

  265. Mama Kel says:

    My son did almost the exact same thing, except instead of poop it was butt cream. He had diaper rash and was sore while I was applying, so to assuage him and let me finish putting on the diaper cream, I was explaining how it helps his rash and will make his bum feel better. He looked at me, said “butt?”, then promptly wiped a finger across his freshly-frosted hind end and had a taste of germ-ridden hiney butter, followed by a “yummmm”. Some days there is no winning.

  266. K Smith says:

    I am so pleased to hear that someone else uses their knees to keep the child still when changing the nappy! I remember telling a ‘friend’ I did this and she looked at me mortified. It was sometimes the ONLY way the task would get finished as quickly as possible!

  267. Ethan says:

    thank you for another reason not to have kids

  268. Jennifer says:

    This is EXACTLY how it is. Every day. Except double. I have twin two year old boys who ALWAYS poop at the exact same time. I have to smell/check both to determine who gets changed first. The biggest poop wins. And, instead of having one “helper” for the diaper, I have two. They like to try to wipe themselves and each other. Four hands to keep out of poop. Fun. I love the grab-the-poopy-diaper-and-try-to-throw-it-across-the-room maneuver. Yeah, no. And, no, you may NOT inspect your brother THAT closely. Ugh. Potty training should be fun, too.

  269. Elizabeth Swanson says:

    I’m glad for this post as most people I’ve mentioned my troubles to give me this strange blank look as if I’m the only parent who must have a child like this. I always joke about using an elbow and a cinderblock, which always promises horrified stares and visual checks for apparent clues of child abuse. Smh. Regardless, my first son started this toddlerhood but my second, he was a pro from birth, although he couldn’t run from me until recently, thank Jesus. Now, I’m 22w prego, chasing him…and laugh almost hysterically when my midwife asks about exercise.

  270. brad says:

    and people actually voluntarily put themselves through this nightmare? I’ll stick with my dog and lead the breeding to those with nothing else to do.

  271. Shir says:

    Hilarious, my lb to the T!

  272. Kelly says:

    I don’t know how I lucked out and ended up with a 2.5 year old who knows to lay down now as soon as there’s a diaper change needed. I doubt highly that my newborn is going to be the same way but who knows

  273. Belinda says:

    So funny and accurate. I have found that bribing with a biscuit -to be given once she is lying down on the changing mat is the best distraction method. It’s defintely a 2 person job. Oh and you forgot the part where the clean part of the diaper- the inside surface of the front flaps, fall into the poo as you deftly manage to keep the poo off fingers and and changing surfaces. I find that often spoils the rare satisfaction of a near perfect cleanup job!

  274. Nicole says:

    This is what it’s like with my 9 month old son! Except the running is more of a lightening speed crawl. What am I in for in the next year?!?!? :S

  275. Bree says:

    OMG! I was in tears laughing at this…. I have three the same age and while they’re not “toddlers” (10-month old triplet boys), they are friggin’ Houdini’s on the changing table. I’m so dreading the next phase! :(

    I’m very much a follower now and am no doubt gonna get the book!!

    ~Bree~

  276. Layla says:

    My sliding door is open in my computer room, and I’m laughing so hard I’m sure the neighbors hear me! I am definitely buying your book!

  277. annebonnie says:

    I’m just so thankful I’m not alone in this

  278. Reeba Shehr Bano says:

    I hate this all……

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