The boys are asleep and have been quiet for a couple hours. On my way to the bathroom, I notice that their bedroom door is open so I poke my head in to check on them.
Crappy Boy is sleeping in his bed under the covers.
Crappy Baby is not. He is sleeping next to his bed like this:
The backpack has wheels and one of those handles that you can pull up to wheel it around. It doesn’t look very comfortable.
Obviously, I didn’t put him to bed wearing slippers OR a backpack so he managed this himself. Why would he put a backpack and slippers on?
Was he planning to go somewhere? Was he -GASP- planning to run away?
I carefully remove the backpack and lift him back into his bed.
Then I find Crappy Papa:
Oh no! He was planning to run away!
Crappy Papa tries to assess the seriousness of the situation:
That’s true. If he packed clothes or food then we’ll have our answer.
So of all the options he could have packed (clothes, food, legos) he packed a monkey and a gun.
A monkey? And a gun?
After we laugh about how disturbing that combination is we start to really think about how disturbing that combination is.
What kind of trip requires a monkey and a gun?
What kind of dangerous business is he involved in anyway? Is he going to Las Vegas? Is he dealing primates on the black market?
Crappy Papa and I joke about all sorts of possibilities and while I’m (mostly) reassured that he probably wasn’t planning to run away, I’m still a little curious as to why he needed those particular items. What was he doing?
So the next morning, I mention to him that he fell asleep with his backpack on and he jumps in right away explaining:
Hawaii? Oh! So not Vegas then.
Oh no. Please tell me he didn’t shoot the frog with his gun.
But what about the gun? And the monkey? I MUST know!
Gun? He doesn’t need the gun?
You don’t bring a monkey and a gun to Hawaii.
You bring a monkey and a fishing pole to Hawaii.
I was the only one who assumed it was a gun.
Isn’t this is a perfect example of how the innocent acts of children can be so distorted and misinterpreted when seen through an adult lens?
Thanks for refocusing my lens, sweetie. And bring your fishing pole anyway, you might get sick of hamburgers.
He wasn’t, for the record, planning to run away to Hawaii either. He “goes there in his dreams” at night. No idea why he has to pack for dreams, but whatever works.
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