It is a Saturday. We have no plans. Crappy Papa suggests we all go to the 2011 Car Show. The kids are excited!
We find out that kids get in free! Bonus.
And all of those people are already inside.
I also don't really like cars.
After wading through seas of people we get to an actual car on display:
The kids who seem completely uninterested in this more-expensive-than-our-house" car in front of us.
So we move on to the weirder ones:
This one was slightly interesting even to me, because it looked like the car from Sleeper.
Them? No reaction.
So we head to a sleek yellow one. They act like they can't even see it!
Because they can't see it.
This is what kids see:
So we have to pick them up. Often.
Even then the view is spotty.
I'm pretty sure they are actually as bored as I am.
The treat requests start:
We saw a churro stand on the way in and we said "maybe later" which is the best possible answer we could ever give our children during an outing.
The "can I have it now?" and "is it later yet?" requests every five minutes don't bother me.
Using "later" gives us leverage in case of emergencies. This is not an emergency so we continue with the "later" answer.
We know there is a whole wing of cheaper, ordinary cars that they can touch and sit in. They will love this!
So we make our way through the sea of people again.
Eventually, we arrive in the normal people car section and I have high hopes.
The first thing they spot is a newer version of our own car:
They even get to go inside! Of our car.
Yes, we brought them to a car show so that they could sit in a shinier replica of the car they ride in everyday.
Kids are so weird.
But we have one more trick in the bank. And it isn't the churro. It is the kids' section.
We didn't mention the kid section because if they knew games and rides were lurking in the building they would have run amok trying to locate it. And nobody wants a killing spree.
So we head to the kids' section.
We get there.
It is a mostly empty room that is the size of an entire elementary school. In one corner is a bouncer.
With a line. A very long line.
I go to the start of the roped off line area and ask the woman who works there how long the wait is.
She tells me:
I am willing to sign away my rights to sue the pants off whomever you sue the pants off in the event of a bouncer accident. These forms are common.
But I am not willing to wait in line for 35 minutes for my kids to have a 3 minute turn.
Don't get me wrong, I can handle the wait. They can't handle the wait. And I can't handle them not handling it.
I report the lengthy wait time:
Saying no will lead to tears and sobbing and shrill sounds.
Which means this is an emergency! Time for pixie dust:
Only in emergencies! (no, the fairies didn't give it to us)
The bouncer is forgotten and we make our way out.
But when we get to the churro stand:
The churros have been had. By other people.
Yes there were other treats. No, they didn't want those.
When you want a churro nothing else matters.
They cry. Loudly. The churro stand is right near the exit so we remove ourselves as quickly as possible.
It is dark outside.
We make our way to the parking structure receiving dirty looks from every other human except the ones with kids who look upon us with pity.
The kids continue to cry over the injustice of being churroless.
Other than the five minutes of them sitting in a replica of the car that we are now walking to, it was a total waste of time.
While pulling out of the parking structure, Crappy Boy says:
I tried, I really did. I did it for them. I hate cars! Sigh. It doesn't matter, it was a total failure for all of us.
Then a block later, he perks up and points out the window:
The Jedi is actually a parking attendant with a lighted wand to direct cars:
Parking guy status does not replace Jedi status. They can coexist.
"Truly wonderful, the mind of a child is." - Said by Yoda, that was. Write like this forever, I could. Talks like this, my Dutch grandfather does.
His elation unscathed, he asks:
And I say yes.
Which causes him to change his assessment of the day:
And within a few blocks, it got even better:
So I didn't lie. He really was a parking lot Jedi.