I’m in the kitchen putting dishes away and I hear Crappy Baby imitate a phone ringing. He’s got a phone call!
He often pretends to talk to people on the phone and it is usually very cute. So I peek around the corner and this is what I see and hear…
He says hello. I wonder who it is going to be this time.
Usually, he pretends to talk to relatives. He typically has very short and sweet conversations with them like, “When will I see you again? Okay, I love you too. Okay, bye!”
But this time, he says:
Chewbacca is calling? That’s so cool!
But Crappy Baby doesn’t seem to think it is cool.
Instead, he looks annoyed and says:
Chewbacca is having a tea party?!
And more importantly, why did Crappy Baby say he can’t go? I’d totally let him go.
I’m about to start asking questions, but Crappy Boy beats me to it:
Crappy Boy confirms the awesomeness that was on the phone.
Well this is new! Not only does Chewbacca have tea parties frequently, but Crappy Baby has already attended one.
But why doesn’t he want to go?
I mean, if Chewbacca invites you to a tea party, you should totally go.
Crappy Boy asks for clarification:
Cookies are how Crappy Boy measures the value of a party. All parties worth going to have cookies.
Parties without cookies are not really parties at all. They are just groups of people feeling disappointed.
Chewbacca’s party is lacking in the cookie department. Therefore, it is not worth attending.
Crappy Baby confirms this:
Crappy Boy laughs and I start to walk back into the kitchen.
But then Crappy Baby announces:
Chewbacca is calling back?
This time it is for Crappy Boy.
Crappy Boy shakes his head, waves his arms frantically and says “No!”
There is no way he has time for a cookie-less party.
Crappy Baby lets Chewbacca down again:
At this point, something comes over me.
I’m filled with emotions and I rush into the room before Crappy Baby hangs up:
You might think I am doing this as a lesson in kindness for my kids. That I’m thinking about how I want them to handle a real child’s invitation. That I am modeling friendship and manners.
Um. You guys give me way too much credit.
This has nothing to do with them.
This is why I rushed into the room:
I can just picture him sitting there on the other line, calling everyone he knows and nobody will come to his tea party! I love him! I will be his friend and have tea with him!
Crappy Baby tells Chewbacca that I want to come to his tea party.
He pauses for a moment and then looks at me and says:
I collapse down to the floor. Totally rejected.
Crappy Boy pats my back and they both try to make me feel better:
My disappointment is real and sincere. I can’t believe I’m too old for Chewbacca’s party.
He doesn’t know what he is missing. He doesn’t know how much fun I am at tea parties!
Wait. I have an idea!
If he doesn’t want me at his party I’ll throw my own damn tea party.
I suggest we have our own (better, of course, that is implied) tea party.
Crappy Boy questions the cookie status to determine whether or not he can attend.
Heck yeah, cookies are going to be there! Chewie dropped the ball on the cookies. I’m not going to make that same mistake. Everyone knows that cookies are the only fun thing at a tea party anyway.
So after unearthing some frozen cookie dough in the freezer and placing a tea kettle on the stove, we are well on our way to the best tea party ever.
Which in our family just means you drink tea while you eat cookies. As a group.
Which isn’t technically all that exciting.
It is the best tea party ever.
At least of the ones I’ve been invited to.
By the way, in this story we’re using the US definition of ‘biscuits’ here which are soft and puffy and dry and gross like an unflavored scone. Not the UK definition which is a cookie…or sometimes a salty cracker? Actually, maybe he meant ‘biscuit’ as a cracker, in which case never mind.
Now everybody is just confused and craving baked goods. Apologies.
We never did hear from Chewbacca again. I wonder if he got wind of our totally awesome tea party. (Chewbacca, you are invited to the next one! Do Wookiees like cookies? We’ll save some for you.)
Hold the phone, Chewie, Kelly just told me about Wookiee Cookies: A Star Wars Cookbook in the comments below. I think you might want to borrow the copy I just ordered.