This post isn’t about my kids taking naps. It is about me taking naps. And also Crappy Papa.
Sometimes we are tired. Even on weekends. This actually happens to us. Unheard of, I know.
So last Sunday, after a particularly late night (it was Crappy Papa’s birthday) we decided to let each other nap.
The deal is that Crappy Papa gets one hour to sleep. I watch the kids. Then we switch. We even use a timer. Sleep trading is serious business. We have conducted this business before.
Crappy Papa goes first. He is asleep within one minute:
His total sleep time is 59 minutes. (Probably more like 59.5 minutes but who is counting.)
He comes out of the room refreshed. Now it is my turn to nap!
Thank goodness, I’m barely able to keep my eyes open.
I lay down and close my eyes:
After a few minutes I am completely relaxed. I’ll fall asleep at any moment.
I’m startled awake by loudness and crying. Why is there so much loudness and crying?
The kids are fine. They are quiet again within seconds, but it doesn’t matter. My heart is racing and I can feel the adrenaline surging after being yanked from the threshold of sleep.
Hello, awake! Wait, no, I’m not awake, I’m tired.
So I try to relax again. I close my eyes. I breathe deeply. I’m so tired. I ignore the noise coming from the rest of the house. It starts working.
Again, I’m teetering on the brink of sleep and:
This time it is laughing. But it doesn’t matter. It has the exact same effect.
Now at this point I make a mistake. I look at my phone to see how much time I have left to sleep. It isn’t much.
So then I spend the next several minutes fretting over how I need to fall asleep right now! I’m running out of time! I’m tired! I have to fall asleep! Sleep! Just go to sleep already! SLEEP NOW!
This doesn’t work. Obviously.
So I switch my method. Once again I just try to relax. I reassure myself that even if I don’t actually sleep I’m still getting rest.
Finally, I sleep! Then five minutes later, the alarm goes off:
Which means I’m more tired than before the nap. Great.
PS – Ear plugs! This might work. It just might. It is much cheaper than sound proofing our bedroom and less addictive than sleeping pills. Worth a shot! I’m more excited than that time I won a trip to Las Vegas at the grocery store!*
(*Yes, true story. I was 19 though. So I can’t remember the rest.)