Here is the first of the three winners of the Crappy Contest.
This story was submitted by Michelle Brier… (the words are hers, the crappy pictures are mine)…
My 3-year-old daughter and I were at Walmart around Halloween. She was standing behind me while I was putting our purchases up on the belt. I heard people snickering behind me but didn’t really think anything of it and kept putting up our purchases.
Again, I heard some giggles from people in line behind us so I turned to look.
When I did, there was Katie, standing with a black afro wig between her legs that someone had obviously decided against buying and just tossed it onto the candy rack.
When she saw me looking at her, she piped up with:
My face turned red, I wanted the floor to open up and swallow me down.
I politely smiled at the people behind us and grabbed the wig from between my kids legs and gave it to the cashier.
—————
Thanks for the laughs, Michelle!
Buy from 
OMG!!! You poor, poor mama!
This is literally one of the funniest things I’ve ever read! You poor thing! But thank you so much for sharing it!!
LMAO omg that’s too funny, nearly choked on my breakfast here!!!
Oh. My. Word. Thanks to all the deities my son has never embarrassed me like this… That blush is completely earned!!
OK my mind is in the gutter I read that as BUSH is completely earned! (So bad but this comment had me lauging so hard when I caught it!)
That’s too funny…!
I came back to check out the comments and I’m reminded now of a story about a friend of mine: she is the only female in their house (even the cat’s a tom) and her oldest son walked into the bathroom as she got out of the shower one day and became very distressed…
Once she managed to calm him down, he asked between sobs if Mummy’s penis was cut out as he could see the gap where it used to be! Apparently he thought he might suffer the same fate…
Hahahaha!!! BEST thing I’ve read in a very long time!
Oh man… I remember embarrassing my mom in a similar fashion when I was young!
*reason # 587 I won’t bring my kids in the bathroom with me* Things they see can and will be used against me in a public place of their choosing. >.< lmao. Kids are awesome/hilarious/and deliciously evil. Punishment. For all the embarrassment we caused our parents. *I'm screwed*
Well put, Katrina.
Or then you should do more often, so that nudity becomes a natural thing.
Kids always try their barriers and if they feel that some thing is “forbidden” that simply increases their curiosity and will cause “embarrassing” moments for the parents. But its all natural and we’ve all caused these moments (in a way or other) to our own parents
Awwwwwe Michelle, I’m so sorry for your embarrassment! I can completely empathize with you. I would however like to say thank you for the share, as I needed a good laugh after what our family is going through currently.
Remember, she’s going to have a kid just like she is. lol!! It always comes back around.
Omg!! so saad and funny!!
Oh my word. I dread this happening to me. My daughter is 18 months old and I’m just waiting for my embarrassed moment(s) which I know are coming. I’m so sorry this happened to you, but thanks for sharing because it made me laugh out loud!
I’M DYING!!!! hahahaha!
Michelle, whey you said “handed it to the cashier” does that mean you bought it?
Anyway, SO funny, thakns for sharing this one and yay on picking this one as a winner, totally made me laugh.
I’m crying from laughing so hard!!!! I dread the day my daughter does this to me!
hahahaha! Amazing!
A thousand deaths would not have been enough. I feel ya, sista!
I am cracking up reading this! Amber you did an amazing job and for the record, no, I did not buy the wig, I handed it to the snickering cashier and said “someone left this” lol.
Oh my gosh! That’s hilarious!!!! And also so very embarrassing. Glad you have a sense of humor!
Much kudos to you!
BWAHAHA!! I’m glad you followed up! I was wondering if you actually bought it! LOL! Hilarious!
I was so sure it was for halloween!
Classic! I read this in the comments section when she submitted the entry and laughed out loud. See it again, illustrated just had me do a spit spray onto my monitor. LOVE!
That’s crazy hilarious!
There clearly is a winner! Why is embarrassment so hilarious?
Remind me again,why are we are so eager to teach them to talk??
LOL
LOVE it
O.o I can’t help but laugh even though I really shouldn’t be laughing!
Too, too funny … and it triggered a memory (I realize this dates me) of “borrowing” a couple of elastic bands from my mother’s lingerie drawer when my friends and I needed some for a game. My poor mom came home to find us playing Chinese jump rope in the street using two of her sanitary napkin belts hooked together!
Chinese jump rope! Hahahaha
I am feeling so much better about the day my oldest child (then about 5) stood behind me in a crowded elevator and announced to the crowd ” Mommy, you have a BIG butt!”
About 30+ years ago: my cousin got into her mum’s drawers and founds some things to play with.
When her mum came home, her daughter had a doctor’s surgical mask (aka sanitary napkin belt & sanitary napkin).
Ummm…What is a sanitary napkin belt? I’m trying to picture wearing such a contraption.
I had this same question when I read “Are You There God? It’s me, Margaret” some 20 years ago. Thankfully our generation didn’t have to deal with these things!
Ok, I’m never EVER letting my kids see me naked again. Thanks for the laugh.
Hahah, the things kids do to keep us humble.
Just pure awesomeness.
I laughed very hard when I read it and looked at a photo of my 5 kids and flashed back to some similar memories…embarrassing now…great memories later!!
OMG I can’t catch my breath I am laughing so hard! Tears streaming down my face! So funny!
Classic story! The illustration is fantastic, Amber, right down to the embarrassed Mama’s blush, and adorably innocent smile on the little girl’s face.
Perfect! Extraordina.. extra-or-din-air… that’s damn funny!
LMAO! Oh no..
This story is a thousand times better with the illustration! I think I peed a little in my pants!
Oh dear God!! HA!
My Walmart story: My older boy was 3 when Toy Story was released. He loved the movie and got action figures for his birthday. He was sitting in the cart at the checkout at Walmart and said (very clearly), “Look, mom! I’m playing with my Woody.”
Too funny!
They have the stuffed ones in the Walmart bedding section, we were in there buying a comforter for my two year old when my four year old DD spotted them and started begging. And begging. And begging. And relentlessly begging. I finally shouted out ‘Lexi, DROP IT. You don’t need a Woody!’ I could hear laughter from two aisles over. We left immediately.
Toy Story gave me a fantastic embarrassing tale to tell on my now-grown nephews.
One Christmas, I showed up at my sister’s house after her boys (then about 4 and 6) had opened their presents. They heard us at the door and came barreling down the front hall, wielding their new Toy Story action figures in their excited little hands.
Quoth the elder: “Aunt Cindy! Look! I got a Woody!”
Quoth the younger: “And I got a Buzz!!”
And then they ran off, allowing all the adults in the room to collapse into fits of laughter (and discussions about just how clever/wicked those Disney writers must really be).
OMG I die!!!
Oh my! Hee hee! I’m sure I’ve had some close to that embarrassing moments, but I’m just blushing too much for you to think of them right now!
OMG. Just perfect story for crappa-fying!
This reminds me of the time my friend and I decided to give our dolls pubic hair. We cut Midge’s super curly hair off and glued it in the proper places. That was right before we had Barbie and Ken doing something inappropriate together.
But I digress…
You must have been in our neighborhood play group!
Wonderful stuff, I KNEW this one was a winner when I read it in the contest entries!
Well done, just marvellous!
That’s entirely your fault. It isn’t 1976. Shave your damn bush! Also, this thing is heeeelarious…
You’re entirely uncivil. This isn’t 1976 take your sexist comments out of here.
this comment is skeevy and moronic, you need to go away.
Oh, come on get a sense of humor. Its a joke. Like every dad reading didn’t at least expect it. if not think it or share it with someone who wasn’t so bitchy.
Lighten up.
If it was meant to be a “joke,” then it was written poorly. But I highly doubt it was meant to be. Bob would have been better off telling that to someone who has the same “sense of humor” as he, rather than writing that in a public forum And in no way is it “funny” to degrade a woman so. Both of you need to learn how to properly speak to women.
“Bitchy,” “get a sense of humor,” “it’s a joke,” “lighten up”? Original. And not sexist at all. Nope.
Well said Kara and Justine.
Some men like a lot of hair down there.
There ya go. At least some aren’t so hyper-sensitive. I don’t mind it myself! And whoever said “skeevy” REALLY needs a sense of humor transplant.
I “talk to women” as if they’re human beings btw Leila. Ones with a sense of humor (whether or not YOU think it’s funny), are down to earth and can laugh at almost anything (especially themselves), including their own surplus of pubic hair, are the kind of men or women I like to associate with. Hey, I get it! These are busy times. Grooming can be a real pain in the ass. “Degrade”. Haha…now that’s a gas! I could use a trim myself.
Bottom line: get off your high horse and lighten up.
Get a life. The story was HILARIOUS!!.
The story was great and bobs comment was funny!
That is hilarious!
Like any young children worth their salt, mine have embarrassed me plenty. But never like this. Holy smokes.
This is hilarious! Yet another reason I keep my bathroom visits (mostly) private!!!
Hahaha!!! I’m crying over here!
Bahahaha! Oh my goodness, I’d have about died! Thanks for sharing mama!!!
hahahahahaha!!! my daughter saw my husband’s “private” in the bathroom once and said it looked like a snake!
Lucky woman!
LOL!!! My 4 year old was looking at the pictures too and he said “Momma that girl has stinky underwear!” Bahaha I don’t know what was funnier, the story, or him
LMFAO!!! I loved that – had a great laugh (at your expense unfortunately). But kids really DO say the most hilarious things hehe :”)
Ahahahaha I am so glad this entry won, it was by far my favourite. I nearly died laughing when I read it, it is even better with the pictures!!!!!!
I am laughing so hard right now.
It’s only funny because it has (or will) happened to all of us, just hopefully not quite as publicly as this. Love it. Thanks!
hahahaha that’s hilarious. i have tears! omg
My daughter once informed me “Mommy, I have a bum. You have a furry bum. Daddy has a tail.”
HA HA HA HA!!! That’s awesome.
Oh my goodness!! You poor mama… but thanks for the laughs— absolutely hilarious!!
Luckily my 3 year old daughter has never done it in public, but she puts a koosh ball between her legs and says “look mommy, my bottom looks like yours now”.
That is too much! My daughter is only 2, so thanks for the warning. Bathroom privacy will be implemented in my home now.
BAHAHAHA!!! Friggin’ kids, anyhow! And they wonder why we have embarrassing pictures stockpiled for when they start dating.
My oldest caught me once when I was changing in the bedroom. She stopped and just stared between by legs before saying “Momma, you poopy. You need wipes?”
Fortunately that happened in my bedroom and not Walmart.
OMG! Hilarious!!
THIS IS HILARIOUS! OMG, I’m crying!
So freakin’ funny.
I agree
You Win
Since I’m not a mom yet I think that this story has given me a really good reasons not a to take my future children into the bathroom. They can go in with Daddy and embarrass him.
Ha! Good luck with that. ; ) They will be in there with BOTH of you, whether you like it or not. You’ll be one step ahead if you can keep your kid from nursing while you’re on the potty.
vs the kid on the potty and wanting to nurse.
(Thanks EC!)
Too funny…..oh, the memories!
Wow, you all have a lot of funny kids and embarrassing stories. I’m wondering when my number will be up.
That is awesome! So far the worst I’ve gotten is in the women’s restroom and that’s not quite so embarrassing as a more public place!
I’m glad this one won! I spittled all over my computer screen laughing so hard!
Beyond. That’s why mine rode in the hannibal lechter cart until they were 12;)
oh my life! hahahahaha! This made me laugh so hard I cried! Brilliant, and totally chilling for those of us whose little ones are not yet quite old enough to do this to us… it can only be a matter of time
Lol! Reminds of the “gum” incident of 2011. Snickers from the cashier as we rolled through the line and my son had decided to take his gum and glue his ears forward to the side of his head. Literally an ear to ear grin with gum. It was funny then and I still laugh about it! Took a LOT of peanut butter to remedy that oopsie!
A very creative child!!!!
Oh crap. Scheduling an appt with my waxer right NOW!!
Oh that’s not right! *blush* LOL!!
Oh my goodness, that absolutely just made my Monday….
Oh hooray Michelle!! You must be so proud to have your embarrassing moment pictified for all the world to see!
I really laughed when I read that one as a comment!
Dad’s get embarrassed too. Hubby and our 3 year old boy were standing at their respective urinals. DS looked at what Dad was doing and said ‘you’ve got a big one Dad, mine is only little’, followed by sniggers from the occupied stall.
Rotfl, O-M-G!! You poor thing, but that sure as heck gave me the laugh of a century! Kids always know the perfect moment to embarrass you, lol
oh lord!
This is the greatest!! I can definitely see why this was a winner!!
I can’t think of anything more embarrassing or hilarious!
I can’t think of anything more embarrassing! That makes for a hilarious story.
This story is amazing!
Omg this could totally happen to me, just last week my 3 year old told me she likes my “bagina” because it has hair on it.
LMAO!!!
I really feel for you! At least my 2 year old grand-daughter didn’t embarrass me by directing her comment at me personally! We were playing at a playground near my home. In front of several mommies, she held up the balloon she had just found on the ground and hollered “Look GIgi! I found a balloon!” We all turned to look, and saw her happily waving a condom someone had left behind.
wow. that is SO SO EMBARRASSING! agh!
Awesome story! Thx for pics to go with it! Aren’t they funny? my then almost 3 yr old asked me while getting dressed after our morning swimming lesson “mummy, are my boobies going to be as LONG as yours who I grow up!!” … I could hear the aquafut ladies giggling in the next row of lockers … *sigh*
If she shaved her punani, that wouldn’t have happened and her partner would have a more enjoyable dining experience.
Michelle you are AWESOME for sharing this. Fantastically hilarious, and crappily drawn, you guys.
I don’t usually LOL, but when I do, it’s usually when I read your blog. Most hilarious post ever.
better here than in the “people of walmart” pics!! really funny!!
Oh lordy! I would have died. I died for you, Michelle!
OMG! That is just hilarious! It sure beats my daughter shouting out ‘OH MY GOD, I JUST FARTED!”, in the middle of the supermarket when she was 2. Love it!
Fantastic!! That child and mine would get along fabulously and mortify every parent in a 20 yard radius.
My 3 yo once told my neighbor I call her a “hot mess”. Except Auburn didn’t understand what I meant, so she told my neighbor, “Momma says you a hot mess. You need to go clean your room so you don’t end up in timeout.”
Funniest kid-embarrassment story EVER!
Reminds me of when my brother was 5 and our neighbor, very hesitantly, told my mum that perhaps she’d want to have a look at what he was upto In the garden of our apartment block. We looked, and he was playing cowboys, with two toy guns hanging on either side of him…… hooked into the loops of a sanitary pad belt that he had worn on his waist. It still kills me, the sight of him taking his paces with that Carefree belt.
This is priceless. Oh the things kids put us through!
my kid told me I needed Rogain because all my hair on my nether regions fell out—I didnt want to explain that it didn’t fall out, I had it laser-removed….SMH!
Lol this is to funny!
It reminds me of the time I was in Costco bathroom and a woman had her toddler with her a few stalls over. The little guy very persistently kept asking “mommy are you going poopies? Are you going to poop? Mommy are you going to need help? Are you going poopies?” The poor mother was trying to frantically and quietly shush him, to no avail. He then proceeded to clap and cheer for his mommy. I can only assume she managed to finish her business.
A razor or wax is your friend, girlfriend! I didn’t think anyone still hung onto the bush. Lol
omg you poor thing! i’m sorry but I am choking over myself laughing at this. but we are laughing with you not at you (yeah that’s it:) )
oh. my gosh. this is HYSTERICAL.
Hilarious story. Awesome.
I am a little taken aback though by the comments of those who think they have ANY business telling this woman who shared her funny story with us how to maintain her personal, (VERY personal) hair regimen.
Good lord people! Public forum or not, BOUNDARIES!!
I agree with you… I’m shocked by the trolling about her pubic hair given that I’ve never known this blog to have trolls.
Seriously? People of the world… women have hair down there. PSA for today.
So utterly gorgeous. So utterly mortifying.
Mine is convinced that my peepee broke off during birth, and thats how come I’m a girl. He thinks my boobs are the most hilarious thins ever. *Sigh*. There is no dignity in parenthood.
I totally have tears in my eyes from laughing so hard!
Absolutely HILARRRR!! I especially love the drawing of the kid with the afro wig strategically placed…reminds me of a time when I was a little girl and walked in on Mom on the toilet and asked her how she peed through all that FUR!!! Tee hee!
Hilariously embarrassing story! What a great choice!
And this is why you don’t let your kids see stuff like this when they’re young, hey? Bahahahahaha!
wow haha omg I can see my son doing that!
I laughed very hard at poor Michelle’s expense! This was definitely a worthy winner.
Thank you for the warning (mom to a 1 year old) and laughter. It made my day. HUGS to Mommy!
I enjoyed reading this. Thanks for posting that. I will come again to read more and inform my neighbors about your posting
I enjoy your site. My thanks for doing such a good job. I will definitely check to your site to find out more and inform my acquaintenances about this site
OMG…..I almost just choked on the combos I am eating!!! That is the funniest thing I have ever read!! The things kids do…GOOD LORD!! I cannot stop laughing!!! ha ha ha!!
HI-LA-RI-OUS!!
OMG I am SOBBING with laughter. Sooooooo good.
I don’t think i’ve laughed so much at somethin I read online…. I would be mortified if my little one ever said that! (still a baby
)