shopping at Target®

We go to Target® sometimes.   

I have a friend who goes there all the time. Her son thought up a dragon toy that had wheels for feet and breathed ice cream instead of fire. He said you could ride it like a bike. He also said he wanted one for his birthday. When his mom explained that it didn't really exist he suggested she look for one at Target®. (They probably do have this. If not, their merchandising team has make a mistake because this thing sounds wicked cool.)

 Anyway, this is what happens when I go there…

First of all, my local store has these monstrous kid carts. My kids LOVE these carts because they both fit. These things are huge. It is a regular cart with an additional two-seater thing bolted on. I think it makes the cart like 34 feet long. I feel so ridiculous trying to maneuver around the aisles that I wind up laughing almost the entire time we are there. (Well played, Target®.) 

Target1
So anyway, we arrive and I announce that we just need one little thing. This is to both let the kids know we won't be there long and also as a reminder to myself. 

But as we walk through the doors, something happens:

Target2
That is not a bulls-eye. That is a hypnotic-eye.

Because moments later:

Target3
I'm walking back to the car with an overflowing cart.

I have no idea what just happened.

And I'm pretty sure I forgot to buy the one thing I went in there for.

 

—————

No, Target® didn't pay me to write this. So now they owe me. Make that ice cream breathing dragon thing happen and we'll call it even. Actually don't, that sounds super messy and I don't want it in my house. 

Also, supporting mom & pop businesses and buying local and buying used is really super awesome and highly superior to shopping at big box stores. We know. But that hypnotic red eye beckons and I cannot break the spell.

Plus, buying toothbrushes used is super gross. Which is what I was going in there for. And I haven't found a local toothbrush crafter and if I did I probably couldn't afford it. And the natural hair ones at Whole Foods smell like ass. Something about scrubbing my teeth with animal hair squicks me out.

Forget it. I'll just stop brushing my teeth. It will save water. Sigh. Eco-guilt.

     

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324 Responses to shopping at Target®

  1. Janelle says:

    I can totally relate.

  2. Rebekah says:

    BAHAHAHA! My partner has offically banned me from shopping a Target without him for this very specific reason!

  3. Ypsi says:

    At my favorite parenting board (Sybermoms, where you’d fit right in if you maybe aren’t there already :paranoia:), we have a game called “Target”. You post a list of random things that you bought at Target and everyone has to guess what you originally needed to go in there for. Winner gets a can of tuna. Or they would if it weren’t only a message board.

    MY theory about Target is they have some kind of sensor that automatically deducts or charges around $100 to your debit or credit card (I used to say $50 but prices have gone up) whenever you walk in, regardless of needs, wants, or finances.

    Keep on blogging. You are funny as hell.

  4. hahahaha. I call those the Cadillac Carts. My kids love them as well…until the straps don’t come unbuckled when we get to the car. That’s pretty entertaining as well though.

  5. NycSuZiQ says:

    THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENS TO ME TOO!
    I KNOW WE ARE NOT ALONE.

    -SUZIQ

  6. My Life–and I don’t even have children.

  7. shelli says:

    I am really laughing out loud because I know what you mean. As much as I would prefer buying local, etc., we just can’t afford it, and it is much easier to take the kids to one store with a big cart that can contain them. I learned while shopping there last time that at least one child (I have two) needs to be contained inside the cart or they’ll both start running amok and the Target security guards will soon be after us.

  8. My girls love those semi-truck carts too! IDK if your Target is like the one in Pasadena where the aisles are so narrow that a regular cart hardly fits through, let alone the extra wide dbl child seat. The $1 section sucks me in. “Ooh, only $1!” then $20 later….

  9. melissa says:

    Hahaha awesome! I love and am fully addicted to Target as well! I must have a WRITTEN list to go in there, or I won’t make it out with anything I need.

    Also, before children, I used to ‘browse’ and ‘try on’ and ‘shop around’. Now…IN OUT DONE to avoid excessive whining.

  10. Heidi says:

    Hahahahaha :D
    I always wondered why that happened when I walked in!! Maybe there are special glasses I could wear.
    One of our financial goals for the year was try not to step foot in Target, knowing full well what happens when we get there. I did sooooo good until the tax return hit and all those things we’ve been waiting to buy piled up and fell into my cart :D

  11. Jenny says:

    Give this a shot – they ship internationally from Australia now. We use and love them!

    http://environmentaltoothbrush.com.au/

    PS. I get sucked into Target all the time. I love how there are always random discounts when you get to the checkout.

    • Danica says:

      do you know what the bristles are? maybe petroleum based? i couldn’t tell…it says this on their website: “The bristles are made from a polymer resistant to microbial growth during normal use, to ensure safety and durability.” hmmmm….so it’s a petroleum bristle treated with microban or something?? is that safe?

      • Sheena says:

        A polymer is not necessarily petroleum based. There are natural polymers too. And it seems to be saying that the polymer is resistant to the growth of microbes – possibly without being treated, it may have this benefit naturally (in the same way copper naturally is antibacterial). Would be worth looking into to find out what the polymer is.

  12. Audreyanna says:

    I really do need curtains!!!! Lol <3

  13. Robyn says:

    HIL-AR-IOUS!!! Happens to the best of us! LOL!

  14. Lol, same thing happens to me when I go to Ikea, too!

  15. casey says:

    I both love and hate that you have to have disclaimers at the end of your posts. Hate that people may give you a hard time about things, but love that your disclaimers are just as hilarious as the rest of your post! Once again – spot on. Target sucks me in (and my 3 year old) and we often cannot get of the door without spending $100. *sigh*

  16. Moira says:

    I wish I lived in a state with Target….but let me tell you when I go visit my mom in her state, it doesn’t matter if I’m there less than 24 hours you bet a trip to Target is in the plans!

    • carrie says:

      What states don’t have target? I used to live in hawaii and there was no target then. i wonder if target has made it out there by now. I lived there for 7 years and missed it a lot. I need to stop shopping there though. It’s so bad for my personal economy.

      • Rachel says:

        Yes! Hawaii has two Targets now, we got them almost 3 years ago.

      • Becky says:

        There are no Targets in Vermont – we have to drive nearly 2 hours to get to the closest one in New Hampshire. We have to make a day trip out of it, which makes getting out of there without running up the credit card that much harder!

  17. abbeybaker9@roadrunner.com says:

    Target is the suburban equivalent to Las Vegas…. there are no clock and I swear they must pump oxygen in there! You literally can’t leave without spending less than $100!

  18. BreeZee says:

    I have a love/hate relationship with Target. I love their kids clothes, maternity clothes, and well EVERYTHING. But I never leave with under a $100 worth of things I didn’t go in their to buy. I only let myself go once a month. But then I convince myself that I must buy everything I see cuz I won’t be back for a month! So that plan backfired…need a new plan!

  19. Anisa says:

    Yes!!! This. Yes.

  20. Sarah says:

    I laughed at your notes as much as the actual entry. :) I tried to avoid Target because they made me mad over their stupid return policy once. I made it about 6 months.

    Also, true story: we were redoing our bathroom and using simple white subway tile. There is a local business that makes their own tile, and it’s around 60% recycled. Tile from Home Depot: $1.88/sq. ft. Tile from local eco-friendly place: $18.00/sq. ft. I want to shop locally and be eco-friendly, but really????

  21. Leah Atwood says:

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! LOVED this! Exactly why I don’t shop at Target. Ever. That Hypnotic eye does not exist at the store that carries the same stuff only cheaper…instead there is a cheerful little yellow smily face everywhere I look that I am convinced will start crying if I put something back ont he shelf. I don’t want to make the smily face cry.

  22. I love your blog. Not only are you totally relatable, ALWAYS makes me smile. Thanks.

    Kate
    http://www.justdelivered.net

  23. IT always makes me smile. It.

  24. SarahP says:

    Sigh so true! I also did the megacart once, and giggled to myself through the entire store as I (accidentally) crashed into every display there was. It was kinda like revenge for making me spend $100+ every time I go there for one or two things.

  25. Gab says:

    YES! The best part, for me: my Target NEVER has the electric-toothbursh heads I need in stock = frequent return trips to check! I’m convinced they do this on purpose.

  26. Nikki says:

    *sigh* ain’t it the truth?

  27. Tricia says:

    Hilarious!! Happened to me last week. Went in for one thing and came out with curtains, towels, washcloths, etc. (My son got ahold of scissors and thought it would be fun to cut the curtains, so technically, curtains were needed….)

  28. Emily M says:

    This is so true! They are evil, I tell you, just like Twizzlers and halloween oreos.

    I just about died laughing at your disclaimer. haha

  29. Pumpkinette says:

    Is Target like Ikea? We don’t have them here – sounds like Ikea type shop to me. I always come back from there with lots of random stuff I didn’t really need.

    • lynne says:

      Nope, it is only sort of like Ikea – it also has clothes and sporting equipment and camping gear and a whole grocery section (probably none of which was made in Sweden) and more that I’m forgetting as it’s been 8 months since I have been in one. Ikea is actually my Achilles’ heel. I always want EVERYTHING. Maybe because I can go there more than once a year?

  30. kate says:

    we all fall victim to THE EYE! but your disclaimer cracked me up! i have similar conversations with myself all the time!

    i am sure there are other ways to be ecofriendly, but i haven’t had time to look them up. i am all excited i use some sort of organic whatever toothpaste. it’s green and tastes weird, it HAS to be good for the environment!

  31. Izzy says:

    Being in the Twin Cities, I always pretend that shopping at Target IS shopping local since I pass by 4 of their headquarter buildings on a daily basis- I know, I know, but I’m happily delusional(not to mention I have, no joke and not exaggerating, 10 Targets in a 5 mile radius of my house). As you say that Red Bullseye is really a hypnotic device in disguise! Every time I walk out of that store, I say, “how in the hell did I just spend triple digits when all I needed was milk, bread, and bananas.”

  32. Brandy P says:

    I have the same problem with wal-mart. It’s the smiley face. I go in for toilet paper and come out with a full cart. It’s physically impossible to spend less than $100 when I go to wal-mart.

  33. AJ Landrigan says:

    It’s the dollar bin right as you walk in that gets me! =-/ LMBO

  34. kimmie says:

    Having the Target Redcard credit card is a big mistake. Before, I’d only buy stuff if it was on sale, but now I counter it with “but I get 5% off every purchase!!!!!” and free shipping on all Target.com orders is dangerous too.

  35. Melanie says:

    hahaha – exact scenario happened to me yesterday! went in for baby food packets, came out with everything else BUT baby food packets. And you know you spent too much when the cashier gets that glimmer in their eye to up-sell you for their RED card. When I realized I forgot what I went there for- I already had the kids strapped into their car seats and I didn’t want to un-pack my kids just to drag them back into Target just for baby food packets (even though that was my intention in the first place) *sigh*

  36. NSmeds says:

    HAHA so funny, as i read this i was recalling my target trip yesterday and how i left spending $50 and went it for baby wipes…those were some expensive wipes!!

  37. Evelyn says:

    haha so true. I love target, but it is dangerous going in there. Too much good stuff.

  38. Mom2trplts says:

    Oh.. this is so appropriate to read today because I WAS THERE and I needed SOCKS but instead I bought a bunch of other stuff too. I dubbed it on my FB as Really Skinny Women Shopping at Target Day, and wondered why there weren’t warning signs to the effect. I mean, seriously, how do you push a cart in 6″ heels like that, let alone breath in those jeans?

  39. Menards’ kiddie cart has a green truck bolted to the front. I pushed my 4 year old nephew around in it one day while he yelled ‘GO RIGHT… GO LEFT…. WRONG LEFT… WHY AREN’T YOU LISTENING TO ME?’ It was humiliating.

  40. I try not to go to Target. Because even if all I need is toilet bowl cleaner, somehow I walk out of there with $60 worth of stuff.

  41. Meggin D says:

    Again. Make me wet my pants. :)

    Those freakin huge carts at at Home Depot too. And no Target in Canada (yet) so I’ve never been there. But I’m looking forward to it!!!

  42. Amber Dusick says:

    I didn’t know you get 5% off each purchase nor did I know about the free shipping. Crap, help me quickly revert back to “unknowing” these things.

    • Laura Sheriff says:

      I know this is an old post (but it’s a favorite, and considering I went into Target yesterday for nothing other than a gallon of milk and spent $145, I thought it was worth a second read. Which brings me to my question… have you discovered Cartwheel yet? I love Cartwheel. You can combine Cartwheel, Target Coupons, and Manufacturer’s coupons for super cheap things. That $145 I spent was originally $207. That’s over 25% savings.

  43. Meggin D says:

    What’s a Halloween oreo??? :)
    Yet again, not found in Canada…

  44. Emily says:

    In order to stay on budget, I must take either my husband, a list, or plain AVOID Target. The clothing discounts are what get me the most. That and toys. Why? Okay, I’ve got clothes for when they grow out of what they’re wearing, and I got it for 70% off the normal price. I’ve got a closet full of birthday presents, etc that I got for 50-75% off the normal price and I KNOW kids will like when their birthday rolls around. Target is evil.

    Did you see the cool crayon books in the $1 area? Or the little triangles for making music that drives parents and pets insane? Yay!

  45. meghatron says:

    You’ve been “targeted!”

  46. Gingerert says:

    Oh, I am SO relieved I am not the only one this happens to. I TOLD YOU, husband… I TOLD YOU!

  47. Nate Shenk says:

    I don’t have any kids yet and I ALREADY do this! I can’t imagine what it’s going to be like. My wife is going to ban me from ever going to Target haha.

  48. Velvet says:

    It is a hypnotic eye! That explains so much…..

  49. Emily says:

    Just keep in mind that their interest rate plain stinks even if you have good credit. 5% off only works if you pay it off immediately so they can’t charge you 19-25% interest.

    • Jenna says:

      They have a Target RedCard that’s a debit card. Same 5% and feel shipping, no credit card/interest, just straight out of the bank account. :-)

      • NO WAY??? I have GOT to get me one of those!!

      • Kathy Paulino says:

        You took the debit card words out of my hands….it’s a card that’s linked to my bank account just as my account’s debit/credit card is but I get the 5% off which is cool. Comes right out of my checking account like I’d used my debit card, but I get the 5%, so I’m good with that.

  50. hahaha so true. this happens to me all the time… BUT forgetting that one thing i went in there for give me an excuse to come back :P

  51. alex says:

    hahahaha that’s pretty awesome. I have also fallen into the hypnotic Target influence, and rarely can leave without spending $100 on stuff like baby wipes, or anything with a red clearance sticker on it. :P

    at my son’s YMCA class this summer, they asked everyone what their favorite place to be was, and there were the usual answers like Disneyland, grandma’s house, the bounce house place. One kid however, said Target. all the parents got a kick out of that. heh!

  52. MN says:

    Our nanny actually gave Target up for LENT! She was so addicted she started going in 5 days before Lent was over “just to look around.” LOL Love the hypnotic eye!

  53. Sarah says:

    Somehow when I was preggo and overdue in the middle of winter and needed to get out of the house Target always was my walking place, I would literally waddle THE ENTIRE store for about 2 hours and somehow only buy one or two things….. Not now, oh you want this train set, sure get three pieces they are only a dollar…..

  54. kella says:

    LOL! the small print disclaimer is too funny too :)

  55. Hannah says:

    As usual, genius.

    We love our Preserve toothbrushes. They come in a prepaid postage package that you can send back to them to be recycled into yogurt containers. The bristles are not animal hair, and they aren’t recycled. ;)

  56. Brandi says:

    HAHA – HIlarious! I LOVE Target! Haven’t been there in years!

  57. Julie Moses says:

    Thanks for the warning. I usually shop at the place with the happy face but was planning to switch. I will proceed with caution. As for giving up the toothbrush, you can just use a washcloth as long as you make sure to floss. Sometimes I think it actually works better. You should also use a new washcloth each time. Love the blog by the way. Four kids here. 18, 13, 10, and starting over at 2. Relating both past and present!

  58. Jeni says:

    Can you believe we don’t have Target in Canada? But it’s a-comin’ oh yes Lawdy goodness and light.

  59. kristen says:

    My Hubby works for Target, so its worse for us because I go in there to not even buy anything, but just to ‘say hi to daddy’ and I end up seeing stuff we ‘need’ and its on sale and I get his discount…and before you know it, there’s $100 worth of stuff in the cart.

  60. Laura C. says:

    What Emily said! I quickly managed to rack up about $900 on that card. 27% interest is not fun! My boyfriend made me cut it up as soon as I paid off the balance. So not worth it!

  61. Please be my best friend!! Haha!! You make me crack up!!! Everything you write about is absolutely a page from my life :0

  62. Jennifer says:

    I feel like Target is somehow specific to this epidemic. I don’t go in Walmart and feel compelled to deviate from my list. I might pass by a display of baking stuff and remember I need a new box of baking soda but that’s about it. I go in Target and somehow I end up with a bunch of stuff I had no idea I needed or wanted. I avoid going in there unless I have such a long list of stuff we really do need that adding to it seems financially irresponsible. Which is to say, I avoid going into Target ever.

  63. Heather says:

    I know how you feel- I can’t get out of Target without at least 20 things I didn’t mean to buy!! Ack….

  64. Victoria says:

    I seriously love you. You live my life.
    I cannot walk out of Target with spending over a $100. Those damn endcaps don’t help. They know how to get us, don’t they! My husband and I laugh about ‘Target time’. You walk in and walk around for 5 minutes, walk out and it is 1 1/2 hrs later. Every freaking time.

  65. Crystal says:

    bahaha, “they smell like ass.” You are hilarious!

    Also, thank you for explaining why I CANNOT enter a target and leave without spending $100. It is ridiculous.

  66. Angela Garrison says:

    They should change their name to the $100 store because no one and I mean NO ONE gets out of there without spending at least this much, even with a list to keep you on track! It is marketing genius. So much so that I avoid it like the plague!

  67. Amanda says:

    OMG, DYING! Target should be paying you for this post! So true and spot on, I love Target but I too fall prey to the hypnotic eye. LOL

  68. juju says:

    I’m a teacher… and the same thing happens to me in there… but for my students!

  69. I got out of there for just $15 today. It’s a February miracle!

  70. Oooh, I know this so well. I’d love to say taking the hubby with me stops me from buying anything, but he’s worse at avoiding the bullseye than I am! (Which, for the record, I am NEVER going to be able to look at that bullseye again without feeling like Big Brother is hypnotizing me)

    Target is dangerous, an amazing time-waster, and quite frankly, the best store ever!

    Brilliant post!

  71. Francesca says:

    My weaknesses are (1) melamine dishes in bright colors– I always think I’ll get the kids to eat off of those. (2) kids’ clothes, (3) scrapbooking supplies, (4) random stuff that I probably really do need.

  72. Amber Dusick says:

    No, not on there, but that can of tuna gift is hilarious.

  73. Liz says:

    If I don’t have a list, what happened to you ALWAYS happens to me. ::sigh::

  74. Amber Dusick says:

    Cool, thanks for the rec.

  75. Syrmom says:

    Ha ha! I had to show this to my husband so that he could understand that it’s out of my control – it’s the giant Target Eye that made me buy all that stuff!

  76. Amber Dusick says:

    You get a discount? Oh boy, that would be dangerous.

  77. Amber Dusick says:

    Ikea does it to me too. Maybe even worse than Target because I accidentally come home with a new sofa.

  78. Heather says:

    My 6 yo did the same thing with Target as your friend’s son. Everything he wanted real or not, we had to look at Target. We painted his room right before he turned 4. There is a space shuttle going off, a farm, and a town scene with fire trucks. Then there is a Target under construction. Being built by BCA construction (his initials). (My MIL is very talented, btw) So yes, it was such his favorite store that he has one in his room.

  79. Amber Dusick says:

    Now that is true Target fan. You know, it is the one store my kids never freak out in. Something magic going on there.

  80. OMG – Everything you write makes me crack up and is so true especially this! Just last night I went into Target for 3 things….came out with 6 and only 1 was the original 3! And now our Target carries food and wine…yeah wine….could be dangerous!

  81. Samantha says:

    Omg so timely. This just happened to me today! $200 and a bunch of random stuff like a body pillow later I mumble to the check out clerk that I just popped in for a couple of frozen pizzas. I wonder how often she hears that.

  82. Cassi says:

    We don’t have Target here. . . but that’s okay, b/c I totally get it. The same thing happens to me @ Wal-Mart. SO glad I’m not the only person in the world who goes into the store for ONE THING and walks out with a whole cartload–minus the ONE THING. This is a particularly epic fail for me, because I live 30 miles from the store in the first place. ~sigh~

  83. Amber Dusick says:

    That is it! Exactly.

  84. Melanie says:

    How is it possible that I can relate to every single one of your posts? I went to Target on Monday and did this exact same thing only I was buying a coffee maker.

  85. Warda says:

    LOL so funny!

  86. Melissa says:

    The Target Debt card also gives 5% off every purchase and free shipping on target.com. Just like using my regular debt card, and since we buy our groceries there, totally worth it. I had the credit card a few years ago, and yes, that interest about ate me alive.

  87. Stacy says:

    When my mom was about 2, he informed me that he “was born at Target.” Might as well be true.

  88. Tracy Poff says:

    IKEA gets you by physically trapping you in the store. You cannot find your way out. You buy a cinnamon roll because your survival mechanisms have kicked in and you think you may literally starve to *death* before you find the exit. And they have those ginormous bags that will put a permanent curve in your spine if you actually try to fill them up.

  89. CarrieM says:

    My sister and I call it the Target high. And my kids and I can’t make it through a trip there without spending time checking out the toys in the toy section so it is never a quick trip, but after checking out the toys they tend to be more cooperative.

  90. This is priceless…and SO, SO, SO true.

  91. Katie Galvin says:

    I call Target my “I just need one thing but always spend at least $100″ store. Last week I only spent $75 and did a happy dance.

  92. seashells says:

    Oh.my.heck! The hypnotic eye explains so much…I too am a dollar bin victim…do you suppose they have a Target shoppers anonymous support group? I need to join up! Want to be my sponsor?

  93. Definitely hypnotic. And used toothbrushes? Ewwwww….

  94. Um, yes EXACTLY. Every time!!! How do they do it?

  95. Mandijane6399 says:

    My husband has banned me for the same reason too! Haha I can’t wait to tell him he’s not alone and that other men suffer the same fate in regards to Target!

  96. Shelby says:

    Gosh Darn It! I was just going to convince myself to pack up the 3 kids and head to Target for a new mop. (Head hung low in defeat.) :)

  97. Kari says:

    I could never figure out what the hell happens to me in there. Now I know I’ve been hypnotised and it all makes sense. Every last towel, greeting card, power bar and baby sock. The darn eye. Ugh.

  98. Megan Themm says:

    Bahaha!!! I LOVE this! Happens to me everytime! :)

  99. Andrea says:

    Here you go:

    Instructions for How To Make Your Own Toothbrush -
    http://www.wilderness-survival.net/forums/showthread.php?12994-Making-a-toothbrush

    Now stay out of The Target. :D

  100. Hahaha! The footnote really touched home for me. I live in a huge “buy local” community, but sometimes people forget not everything can be bought local. My argument was, “Where in town can I buy running shoes and a sports bra?” Um-hmm. That’s what I thought. I’ll be heading to the mall now, tyvm.

  101. Marny says:

    LOLLLLL. I can relate to pretty much all your posts and they almost always have me LMFAO, but this one was PRICELESS. Loved the hypnotic “Target” eye. Too funny! :D

    We don’t have Target where I live (yet…God help us) but this is exactly why I gave up going to Walmart for “groceries”. I would go in, list in hand, and somehow come out with a $350 bill for a family of THREE. What?!? Somehow every time I was there I would need some kind of food storage, or accidentally walk through their scrapbooking aisle, think it was a good idea to stock up on $4 shirts for the boy, or suddenly find myself in need of a new color-coordinating set of cleaning tools and supplies. It was ridiculous. Yes, I might pay an extra $10-15 on my groceries at the local grocery store, but I’m saving myself hundreds on impulse buys!

  102. Charity says:

    This is my life. Lol I will go into a Target coma and just start wandering around. My oldest who is 11 try to snap me out of it and say, “Mom do you think it is time to leave yet? ”

  103. Tashajk says:

    This exact same thing happens to me at Costco. sigh. “But it’s all such a good deal that it’s practically free” is what I tell myself. And then I end up with $100 worth of “free.”

    We don’t have Target in Canada yet (but it IS coming. Wheeeeeeeee!!!!!) and I know the same thing will happen to me because I’ve been to Target a couple of times in The States. I even ordered my wedding dress online from Target :)

  104. christine says:

    I’ve only been to a Target twice (I live so damn far from anywhere, you wouldn’t believe it), but judging from those two visits alone I totally understand what you mean!!! I felt like I was shopping for my life, and if I didn’t come out of there $200 worth of who-knows-what I was going to be attacked by Target ninjas at the door.

  105. Rach says:

    Man we are really missing out on this American Target hypnotic joyride. The Aussie version, well at least not the one here in the Centre, does not have this affect at all and have to say I’m almost a little jealous… Can totally relate to it with IKEA but thankfully there isn’t one in our state or we’d be broke :)

  106. Juliana says:

    Me too!! I am usually returning something and then the home decor aisle is right there by the door, or the sale hats, and suddenly, I’m sucked in.

  107. Ginny says:

    You hit the nail right on the head, Amber. Right down to the “hypnotic eye.” Loved it :) (And those carts….they must count for a day’s workout with how hard they are to maneuver with the boys)

  108. Ceri says:

    I LOVE TARGET! My 4 year old does to. He asks to go so he can push buttons! IE the toy isle. Now ours have groceries… eek! I loved the bulls-eye eyes! Too funny!

  109. Sarah says:

    AMEN! You are so right. hahaha. good comparison.

  110. Sarah says:

    Not like IKEA. More like a Walmart. Everything you have ever needed.

  111. makenzie says:

    I always go in for something like kleenex and come out with clothes and shoes and housewares and books and toys and no kleenex.

  112. Kristen says:

    The dollar bin is evil! I always get sucked in to buying something. We always call Target Tarjay. You know… if it’s French it’s OK to spend that much. ;)

  113. Helen Neale says:

    You are – quite literally – awesome!

  114. Sofya says:

    This happens to me so much!!

  115. ErynBob says:

    Baa Haa!!! Even before kids, every time we went into Target it was guaranteed that the bill would be within a dollar or two of $100. Crazy. And I am totally with you on the obnoxiously HUGE kid cart. I feel like I am pushing a station wagon through the store!

  116. Liz says:

    Oh yes, this happens to me at Target…and at Costco. Only at Costco, it’s $300.

  117. Kathy says:

    same with Costco. i walk in there with only 1 thing on my list and walk out with $300 worth of i don’t know what. they must have the same owners.

  118. Carolina says:

    Definitely nicer than Walmart though.

  119. So funny.

    Glad we don’t have Target here in Vancouver. Phew!

  120. Carolina says:

    Maybe this will convince my husband that it’s not my fault that I spend more than I intended to when I walked in the door. Yesterday I ran in on my lunch break and fully intended to exchange some items, and buy shampoo and conditioner and body wash. I walked out with the aforementioned items, lunch, treats, candy and bags full of all sorts of stuff on sale, but totally forgot to exchange the items I went there for in the first place.
    I guess I’ll have to go back now >:)

  121. katie says:

    I go in there refusing a cart or basket because I’m “just getting one thing.” Then inevitably someone asks if they can get me a cart because I clearly can’t hold all the stuff in my arms.

  122. cindy says:

    Awesome. We’re waiting for Target here in Canada. But I fear (and hope) it will not be at the same level as you all have for this exact reason. Catch 22, isn’t it?

  123. RidgewoodMom says:

    Go in for toilet paper and paper towels, and come out with new lamps, towels, new bed sheets….$250 later…The place is magical!

  124. Sharee says:

    They dye the white cream center orange :-P

  125. bethany says:

    I especially enjoy unpacking after I come home from Target because it’s like Christmas all over again. The hypnotism has broken and it’s like I’m seeing half the items for the first time ever.

  126. I *must* email this to my hubby. Immediately. All these years, he thought it was MY fault. Whew!! So relieved to know others experience the lure of the eye. lol Also, I have a firmly held belief that when you pass between those two sets of sliding doors, you are in another dimension, where time and money both fly right out from under you!!!

    May I also site my other (newer) nemesis? Five Below. I cant walk in there without finding 20 things I “absolutely NEED!!” and leaving with a bgful of useless junk. How on earth did they get me to fall for such a scam? Because I rationalize everything with “well, its only $5!!”

    But…. I fail to acknowledge that its basically a (slightly) higher end dollar store, where they have made me totally oblivious to the fact that I am paying 5 times as much as I would at said dollar store. :/ Fail.

    Oh, and building a Five Below right next to our local
    Target?? Probably the reason for the increasing divorce rate. For real. LMAO

  127. Ashleigh says:

    Hypnotic-eye. Ha! I enter the store for diapers and discover along the way that yes, I need that pillow. And that picture frame on the end cap with the pretty orange sale sticker. And maybe some makeup. And a dog toy. And a shirt. A book would be cool too. And some slippers. And duh, a mini pizza from the food court.

  128. aubrey says:

    hahaha! so totally true. i heart target. evil, evil target.

  129. Jennifer says:

    This site is a TOTAL rip off of Hperbole and a Half

  130. Aimee Parmar says:

    Down here in lil ole New Zealand we have target in only the major cities but we also have this shop called The Warehouse which im pretty sure everyone has the same experience in as u do in target, only without the awesome truck trolleys which they should seriously consider getting!

  131. KarenH says:

    Seriously. Target is like the Crack Store. I go in to buy a bag of cotton balls and don’t emerge for another $150.

  132. Lisa says:

    thats why they have those little carts that hold the bag FOR you ;)

  133. Kristen says:

    Ever see this? It’s a push toy that when the baby gets older the legs snap together and you can ride it.

    http://www.amazon.com/Fisher-Price-Baby-Stride—Ride-Dino/dp/B00386WHKY/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1328231961&sr=8-1

    Looks like a dragon, wheels for feet, ride it like a bike. . . I’m not sure why I couldn’t find it online on the site, but we bought it for our son at Target. :-) Sadly though it does not breathe ice cream.

  134. Lisa says:

    I have actually signed petitions to get a Target in my town (stupid local fights over location and who gets the sales tax)… I am now rethinking the wisdom of this…

  135. Megan Coates says:

    I think the pharmacy is in on the conspiracy. We use the pharmacy for our prescriptions (because, dang it, our Target pharm has the BEST customer service!), and I had to go fill my daughter’s prescription the other day.
    Pharm Tech: “It’ll be ready in 10 to 15 minutes.”
    Me: “That’s fine. I need to go get some stuff in the food section anyway.”
    Two boxes of diapers, milk, a huge 2-pack of peanut butter, 2 bags of Doritos, 2 spring/summer outfits for my daughter, bread, 2 cups, 2 boxes of cereal, and 15 minutes later, we returned to the pharmacy to pick up our prescription.
    Note: We did not go in the store for Doritos, cereal, outfits, or cups, but I did need hamburger buns which never got purchased even though they were on my list.
    The Great Eye knows my weaknesses.

  136. Canadagirl says:

    Really? I love Target’s return policy. That has to be the easiest place to return something!

  137. jennifer t says:

    A friend with kids posted this… I totally relate, even tho I don’t have kids. About the toothbrushes? Doesn’t Tom’s of Maine make recyclable ones?

  138. Jen says:

    Yes! My friend canceled on me for a lunch date today and I called my husband complaining because it’s a beautiful day and the baby was dressed and I had makeup on and NOWHERE to go and he said, ‘How ’bout the park?”. I responded… “Wait! I’ll go to TARGET!”

    Which he promptly tried to talk me out of. “It’s a beautiful day you said! Take the baby to the park!”

    “But the park doesn’t have lots and lots of stuff to browse through!”

  139. Jen says:

    Oh yes, because Hyperbole and a Half is ALL about parenting. /sarcasm

    Doesn’t she get unfairly compared to the Oatmeal? That’s it! It’s all a conspiracy against the Oatmeal!

  140. Rach says:

    I was laughing so hard my 4 year old said “stop laughing mom, it’s scary when you do that.”
    That’s how much laughing that kid has heard out of me?

  141. Mel says:

    First of all, it is “Hyperbole” and I don’t recall Allie ever writing about parenting. I actually enjoy both blogs. Crappy Mom is a Hyperbole fan (she mentions it in her FAQs) so why do you have to be such a freak? The style of the drawings aren’t even similar.

  142. Jayme says:

    That’s why they have the semi truck sized carts… they KNOW!!!!!

  143. Shari Burgess says:

    Oh my goodness, YES! I go into Target for hangers or something and cannot leave for less than $100. I thought it was just me! Or at least just me and my sisters. So good to know it’s WAY more universal.

  144. Rae says:

    lol, YESSS, I laugh the entire time I’m pushing those crazy Target carts too! Who are those made for? People with 3 under 3?

  145. Leanne says:

    My 3 year old once scolded his Nana (my mom) for taking him to Sam’s instead of Target. After they went to Sam’s and left (without buying anything), he said, “See. I told you we should have gone to Target.”

  146. Lissa says:

    My friend’s husband calls Target “the store with a $25 cover charge”. Not sure when I’ve only spent $25 at a Target, for me it’s more like a $50-$75 cover charge. I avoid going when I have time to browse and contemplate how much I could use a new set of seasonal dishes.

  147. Heather says:

    I go to target specifically for things I DON’T need….

  148. Sasha says:

    YES!!! That smiley face gets me too! *I* am banned from there, not from Target. Of course, there is no Target in my little town, otherwise I’m sure I’d be banned from there too! So the smiley pulls me in!

  149. Sam says:

    there’s a debit card option- so you get 5% off without the interest rate.

  150. Elizabeth Plant says:

    Always!! They kind of glue together rather than click! You made me laugh so much!

  151. Sam says:

    My husband takes my daughter to Target just to hang out and play in the toy isle- they go so much that we call the lady in the cafe “Target grandma”.

  152. Melissa says:

    I got a strapless little black dress of awesome in there for $0.76 on a clearance rack. Apparently, if you return something purchased online to a store, they mark it down. I got home and looked it up and the dress was still sold online for $49.99. Even the clerk did a double take when she rang me out. I *heart* Target.

  153. Jen says:

    How sad is it that we are finally getting a Target some time in 2013 and I can’t wait? Like I actually looked up on their website to see when they would be here. I’m sooooo tired of Wal Mart.

  154. Zak says:

    Must. Go. To. Target.

  155. Sarah, I almost spit my food out onto the keyboard reading that one. I can see you crashing into everything. Those darn carts are as big as a train and sound like one to boot.

  156. Laura says:

    I got a baby monitor at my baby shower… I took it back to Target still in the package and they refused to take it back without a receipt. The lady told me to ask the person who bought it for me to give me one. WTF?? I was so angry I didn’t go back………… for 3 months LOL

  157. Jennie says:

    I had a evil clown moment when I read this. Went from happy and giggling to checking under the beds and wherever water runs.

  158. Kellie says:

    This is me

    Just exchange the “Target” for “Costco”

    Yep, me, I’m addicted to Costco.

  159. Mary Lynn says:

    Your posts really do have the BEST footnotes.

  160. Lara says:

    I just came back with a cappuccino maker from Target. Damn you, Eye! Why must you hold me in your gaze?

  161. April says:

    My issue is the Target gift card. My son got one from Nana for Halloween, my dog got one in his stocking from Sandi Claus (my mom is named Sandi) for Christmas, you get the point. Well, I have every intention of using the gift card (it makes for a good excuse to go to Target – not that I need one). I get in the store, shops for half a day, get to the check out and pay WITHOUT using the gift card. I always forget. So then I have to return to Target later to use it. I feel like Michael in The Godfather – just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in.

  162. Robbie says:

    freaking awesome!

  163. Jules says:

    Man, you think Target is bad. Costco is baaaaaad.

  164. JC says:

    Costco is my Target. The problem is everything there is $10 so you leave thinking you did good by only buying a few things but somehow the bill is still $150. We’re not going to have to buy green beans for a year though. I win.

  165. Stephanie says:

    Hahaha! Jennie, I didn’t get your comment at first. Now I get “it” and have the giggles, too.

  166. Rin says:

    Someone told me the amazing trick of paying for everything with her Target card and immediately walking up to customer service and paying the balance. Keeps her from spending like crazy and she still scores the 5% (which doesn’t even cover tax around here, but money is money…)

  167. Kim says:

    seriously one of the BEST. POSTS. EVER.

  168. Rin says:

    I’ve done that too many times. Now that I have a kid, I need the cart for kid storage – makes the problem so much worse.

  169. Anissa says:

    TARGET has XXL penguin footsie pajamas that are $35.00. Lucky for my hubby… He wears a 3XL in those footsie pajamas & I couldn’t buy them & make him wear them. I then B lined it for the door with hubby in tow because I knew if I was about to spend $35.00 on footsie pajamas, I would buy anything!!

  170. WhoopAss says:

    We don’t have Target in the UK, but I occasionally find myself browsing the Australian website and asking my mum to pick up certain bits and pieces for me.

    I also look at the US site wistfully and just yesterday told someone how we neeeed to have Target in the UK. That hypnotic eye is stronger than you realise.

  171. Rose says:

    Thank you!! Laughing so hard I cried! Ahh…the guilt!

  172. Krista says:

    You can never stop writing because you are hilarious !!! We are thousands of miles from Target and it has been about 9 months since I shopped at one and I actually would love to go get hypnotized :)

  173. Liz says:

    ahahaaha – I miss that red bulls ey thingy. We don’t have it here in South Africa. Lame.

  174. Lou Lou says:

    I love your blog but I do think you need to stop apologizing or providing extra long caviats at the end of your writing lest you offend the vegans, the meat eaters, the breastfeeders, the non breast feeders, the lefties, the right wingers, the purists, the judgementalists, the opinionated and the critical. We read your blog cos it’s totally irreverent and totally true. Stop apologizing for living the life we all live. For those who don’t get it, tough. For those who get offended, get over it and go read some other blog called ‘Perfect Mother’. This is life! ( by the way I have trouble leaving with Target, Costco and ikea with just one item!)

  175. Joanna says:

    I love their ‘everything for a dollar’ section. It’s right inside the door so I get suckered in every time. I could easily spend $100 on useless Hello Kitty fridge magnets and princess tiaras. Saying that, I probably have.

    I also use the line “we just need one thing” I’m surprised that crappy boy didn’t remind you of that when you got back to the car, my daughter takes pleasure in rubbing in the fact that the red circles weaken me. She is half her father…

  176. Fatima says:

    Hahaha! Husband and I are living in the States for a year (to study) and I thought our fascination with Target is because we are foreigners. So good to know we’re not the only ones.

  177. Jessica says:

    Let’s not forget Costco . . . .

  178. Amy Kreiner says:

    this settles it…me MUST”VE been separated at birth!! :)

  179. Heather says:

    I had a problem with the smiley face too. One of my resolutions this year was to try to avoid the smiley. The longest I’ve gone is two weeks. (There’s really nowhere else to go for toilet paper!) But two weeks is quite an accomplishment when I used to be there 3x a week! The smiley is a MONSTER!

  180. Beaner71 says:

    Somehow the $1 aisle always sucks me in. I think, hey no big deal it’s only a buck that is until I end up spending $25 alone in $1 aisle junk.

  181. Sabrina Hope says:

    Few! I’m glad we don’t have any of these Target stores here. But a similar thing happens to me at Fabricland. I do tend to go a little crazy on those cute cotton prints.

  182. Kristin says:

    First off… your blog is frickin’ hilarious! I swear I need to stop drinking water while reading your posts b/c it never fails, that I will either inhale water and end up with hiccups all day, or spit out the water from laughing…
    Evil eye caught me the other day, as I was going in there for deodorant… (and now all of the Target’s in Virginia Beach have been made into super Target’s with the grocery…) I remembered that I needed milk… but of course it was more expensive to buy it at Target than smiley face store… but I was already shopping… then the canned tomatoes were on sale for .49 cents … and I do a lot of Crock Pot freezer meal prep… let’s just say, that I had to go and get a cart to hold my “deodorant”.
    Thanks for making me laugh…

  183. Chris Carter says:

    I love this post! I love your wit! I love target! :)

    Chris Carter

  184. Charlotte says:

    This is why I don’t even ENTER Target. I drive right by it, to grocery stores (*yawn* boooring), so I won’t be tempted to spend. I also do the same to IKEA. As someone else mentioned: I don’t have this issue with Walmart (or Meijer for that matter). But Target… and IKEA.

    Of course I live in a town with BOTH IKEA and Target. *sigh* Once we’re rich.

  185. Kristine says:

    Amen. That said I have to go to Target today. I also have the same problem with Trader Joes.

  186. Kelly says:

    That Dollar Spot gets me every time! At least Target’s dollar section stuff looks better quality than Dollar Tree! We too enjoy the big carts but it’s ridiculous trying to get out into the main aisles. It’s so long you can’t see if your cutting someone off or about to run into someone else’s cart when you push it out of the aisle. I crack up laughing every time I’m there because of the carts. I was there yesterday to specifically get some sports balls for recess at my daughters school and came out with only $11 worth of my own personal stuff. I couldn’t believe it but it was all stuff from the Dollar Spot!

  187. Virginia says:

    Happens to me all. the. time.

  188. Crystal Cook says:

    This pretty much completely made my morning. ROFL!

    And natural hair toothbrushes TOTALLY squick me out too. As do used ones. :)

    My weakness at Target are all the holiday candy that they have front and center no matter what time of year it is. So I love to eat halloween candy the day after the fourth of July. :D

  189. lezlie81@hotmail.com says:

    I swear I did exactly this yesterday! (Except I refuse to push the tractor-trailer carts.) I even went in for a toothbrush! I bought the toothbrush, plus a lot of other stuff, got home, and cannot find the blasted toothbrush ANYWHERE!

  190. Helen says:

    Ugh this happens to me all too often at Costco as well.

  191. Sooooooo true and soooooooo funny!!!

  192. Sabrina Hope says:

    Whoops. I meant “phew!” I was trying to type and mother at the same time.

  193. Kelly says:

    You rock! I wait to go until I have a list of at least three or four things to get and I always go in and get fifty not on the list and maybe two that were! Never stop this blog. I heart it and tell all my friends!

  194. Jennifer says:

    This is by far your best post yet! I am literally dying! SOOOOOO true!

  195. Wendy Irene says:

    oh and the dollar bins….!!!

  196. Natalie says:

    Target is not close by, so going in for me is a “fun” trip every time, which ends like yours did! LOVE your disclaimer :O LOL

  197. esther says:

    haha! I’ve always said that target has a $100 entrance fee. the only was i can get out of there with not “much” extra is if i walk and i know i have to fit everything under the carriage on my way home.

  198. Jamye says:

    lmbo…I go to Targe’ ALL the time and the same thing happens to me too..end up going bonkers and always forget what I actually came there for.

  199. Amy says:

    Sing it with me now (imagine Michael Jackson’s voice, not mine, trust me there):

    “You are not alone”….

    Target gets me EVERYTIME. Maybe I’ll try looking down next time and avoid the bullseye.

    Which reminds me… I think I have a gift card or two…

  200. amanda says:

    Happens every single damn time I’m there! I get excited when my receipt is under $50 because that NEVER happens!

  201. Vivian says:

    This is why they make the carts soo big. It was a marketing ploy from the 50s or 60s to have shopping carts, the bigger the better as you have this subconscious desire to fill it.

  202. Maria says:

    Because of constant kid-bribing with ice cream every time we go to Ikea (to avoid whining/running around), my kids (8 and 5) to this day are persuaded that is ice-cream store! We would be driving past Ikea, and my kids would point at it and start whining “I want ice cream!”

  203. kari says:

    and what’s worse is i usually spend that just in the dollar section! i rarely even get to the rest of the store!

  204. Erin says:

    I saw somebody else mentioned spending $100. and laughed. We actually call it “The $100 store” because no matter what you go in there for (just one toothbrush!), it’s rare to get out without spending $100.

  205. Boopala says:

    Once I left having spent only $14. I can still remember it…

  206. Annie says:

    Target gets me every time. It’s even worse when I bring my kids because they encourage my overspending. I’m especially prone to this in the dollar section.

    LOVE the hynotic Target eye! That’s the funniest thing I’ve seen all day.

  207. Katie says:

    My magic number is 54 at Target. I never get out of there, with or without the 1 thing I went in for, for less than $54.

    I always pull the “Hey look, it’s a deer!” trick to get them to look the other way when we pass those carts. I have more than two kids that want to ride in those little seats, which would make me push two of them and then I would spend $108 every time. I just assume that pushing two carts would make me spend twice as much…

    And there are a lot of things at Whole Foods that smell like ass. I am with you on that one!

    Love the read, thank you for the laugh!

  208. Summerflo says:

    I have such a bad sore throat and you just made me make that really painful laughing snorting noise. I just imagined my kids having panic attacks strapped into those carts. I’m awful.

  209. Debby says:

    I, too, go in to get one thing and come out with much more!

  210. smirktastic says:

    A new Target is being built directly between my home and work, so I will pass it twice a day. I am so screwed.

  211. coley says:

    i am laughing so hard that my co workers think i am nuts….but then again…i am ….

  212. Laurie says:

    It’s the fragrance. Have you noticed all Targets have this smell… kind of a pleasant, comforting, spend money smell. I think they pump it into the air.

  213. Christine says:

    What she said. (It is good to know I am not the only mommyfail!)

  214. Jamie McMillan says:

    I love Target! I live in Canada and we dont have Target…yet 2013 I think) and no one understands that going to target is a vacation in and of itself. I could happily live there!

  215. Jamie McMillan says:

    I love the smell of target!

  216. Heather C says:

    Bahahahahahah!! Super fleebin’ hilarious. So happens to me ALL THE TIME!! I think you need a special license to drive one of those carts. There’s some kind of time warp as soon as you enter. You can literally go in, get one item (actually I don’t think I’ve ever left with just one item) and come out two hours later. What the heck!!! I have to be careful or i’ll miss school dismissal time and my 2nd grader is standing at the bike rack by himself while I was sucked into the Target vortex with his little brother (and usually some nieces and nephews)Also, I own a mom and pop shop so: SHOP LOCAL :) !!!!

  217. KimCS says:

    Count down to spring 2013 for our canadian Targets. One is opening near me and I can’t wait to have this expensive experience. Us Canadians can only look longingly at the website.

  218. Heather C says:

    My son calls the bank “the lolly pop store” for the same reason. Its so funny….like that’s the reason we’re there for him to get to pick his own lolly pop. And then he wonders why we stand in line when we could just go over to the basket and get one.

  219. Angela says:

    Laughing so hard I’m crying. That’s TOTALLY me WITH my kids, EVERY time I go to Target! SOOOOOOOOOOOOO funny and SOOOOOOOOOOOO true!!!

  220. Lidia says:

    Our kids call it the cinnamon bun store. We treat ourselves to a six pack of them after the ordeal of shopping at Ikea.

  221. Angela says:

    LOVE target! I have the same monetary problem. LOL! My daughter calls it “the red store” and thinks that she gets popcorn everytime we go in. (both my kids are deathly afraid of those carts) This post is one of my favorites!

  222. Lidia says:

    So hilarious and accurate. I loved the bullseye “eye” you drew. At our local Safeway, they have those carts with a two seater, “Little Tikes” look-alike car bolted to the front. They are very difficult to maneuver around, but one does get quite the workout.

  223. Alicia says:

    I think the parts in your smaller font are the funniest bits. :)

  224. KiwiBunnz says:

    Makes me glad there is no Target or Walmart or Ikea in Christchurch. But we have The Warehouse (“The Warehouse, The Warehouse; Where everyone gets a bargain”) which sounds similar. And once you actually make it out of there there is usually someone outside with a sausage sizzle to raise money for something… so it makes you poor and fat :-(

  225. Meghan says:

    Hypnotic eye! Hilarious, and clearly that must be the case. I mean, I have never met ANYONE that can get out of Target with just the thing the came for.

  226. Christie says:

    Swear to God if we lived anywhere near each other (don’t worry I think I live on the other side of the continent…) we’d be BFF’s. Freakin hilarious. And SO true. Then I got a Target card, b/c you save like 5% on every purchase; now I feel I can’t possibly leave without a cart full b/c EVERYTHING is 5% off. Well played Target…

  227. Jennifer L. says:

    Similarly, I love the Radius toothbrushes!

  228. AMA w9 kids says:

    I have to agree about the crappy return
    policy. I literally got 6 packs of baby
    washcloths at my baby shower. Tried
    to return them to Target without a
    receipt and got shut down!
    Targets return policy stinks!

  229. emily says:

    Your insight is so brilliantly spot on … And it’s always especially funny because it’s true!!

  230. mummamusing says:

    Ha ha – awesome!!! Love your work :) But – I have the solution!! Live in lil old New Zealand – we don’t even HAVE a Target here!! Or an Ikea!! So sad :(

  231. Cheryl D. says:

    I love Target. It’s my absolute favorite store!

  232. Jen says:

    Oh it’s me again. Turns out I went to Target. I spent $200 on stuff I had REGISTERED for for the new baby plus older baby’s first birthday party. Plus a toothbrush holder.

    What I didn’t get? Bubble wrap. That’s what I went in there for.

  233. Ashley says:

    I nearly had a full fledged panic attack last Saturday trying to find my way out of IKEA! I went in to buy clips to hang curtains (a $4.99 purchase) and ended up with my arms full of merchandise, wandering through the maze of kitchens, bedrooms and kitchenware sweating, heart pounding, knowing my husband was going to call any minute to complain that I had been gone to long, trying to find an exit. Thank goodness for the cinnamon buns at the end of the maze….I was able to eat the anxiety away and emerge calm, albeit $54.00 poorer. :)

  234. Jessica says:

    I love the hypnotic bulls eye. That is so funny and so true!

  235. Sandi says:

    Hypnotic eye…..snort!

  236. Sara says:

    Returns……I am surprised they didnt have you print the purchase log from your baby registry, I did that and was able to return off that without my receipt. And one thing wasn’t on my registry, but when I started my registry they said I coukd return uo to $70 without a receipt so it was no biggy….for me.
    I am addicted ti Target clearance, and I always look for things wih the clearance sticker that say “online item “. I got a Our Generation Girl Vanity for $3.47 originally $54.00 just because it was originally purchased online then returned to the store!!!! Then I use my Target Debit card and I save 5 percent off that. Did I mention I Love Target.

  237. kristi says:

    My kids love those carts.. just yesterday I took out the whole end of a metal end cap in belts with the stupid thing. My friend asked me the other day “hey, did you see they had movies on sale at Target?” My response “um no, because my cart is already to full by the time I get half way thru the store I curse at myself and make myself head to the check out lane.” I need to start changing it up and start at the opposite end of the store but I’ve got ADHD so I would never make it to the corner. I would definitly have less clothes if I started there.

  238. Anna-Marie says:

    I went to Target tonight to look at nail polish and buy this little credit card swipe thingy for my iphone. I spent $110. The credit card thingy was $10. *sigh*

  239. Cassi says:

    Most of the stores do have a horrible return policy, some do not. I have had my fair share of annoyance with it. I even had the lady tell me they are not Walmart therefore they can’t take stuff back.. I had the receipt and it was less then a month old.

  240. Leslie says:

    Loved the reference to the target bullseye being an hypnotic eye because not only does it entice you to buy a bunch of crap you don’t need, it makes you more efficient at it! Case in point…I accidentally developed the “target trick” because my two littles don’t enjoy shopping as much as I do…

    It is very easy. Step one: buy a popcorn combo at the snack bar. Step two: give the kids the popcorn and keep the sugary, caffeinated beverage for yourself.

    Voila! The popcorn entertains the kids for at least 30 minutes and you now have the hyped up energy to race through the aisles to pick up essentials…diapers, a pack of gum, and a particle board shelf.

  241. LeahM says:

    Target sucked me into signing up for their credit card so that I feel marginally less guilty about wandering the entire store to see what I “need” and spending hundreds of dollars per visit. I get that 5% discount. Woo hoo. I think one of the biggest draws for Target is the idea that anyone can be a home decorator and make her home more inviting and beautiful by buying affordable new towels, candles, storage containers, baskets, lamps, picture frames, wreaths. Before you know it, you’ve hit up the crafts, electronics, and clothing sections and that’s not to mention the time suck that it is to have to examine the 20 options for any given item. The main positive: convenience. It is located 2 minutes from my house and is one stop shopping because we have Super Target. Some weekends, especially rainy ones, we take the kids to the Target toy section and let them loose. We often run into neighbors doing the same thing. Dad watches the kids while Mom shops. We are all a bit embarrassed by it.

  242. you're_fucking_sheep says:

    You’re all sheep. Wasting your money on junk that you just “have to buy” because ZOMG SALE!!

    These poorly-made, throwaway items are artificially inexpensive due to the exploitation of workers in countries with poor working conditions.

  243. Rebecca says:

    Oh man… So hilarious! :) Thanks for making my day! I don’t want an ice-cream-breaking ride-on dragon toy, either. So very messy sounding.

  244. Suniverse says:

    This is exactly why I send the husband in to Target – he is somehow immune from the beckoning, hypnotic eye. Of course, I then end up with giant, pillow-like maxipads, but it’s a small price to pay.

  245. you're_fucking_sheep says:

    SHEEP! BAAAA!!

  246. Damon says:

    The comic: A

    Your italicized rant about used toothbrushes, hand-crafted toothbrushes, and animal hair toothbrushes: A+. I laughed myself silly.

  247. Laura U. says:

    I found your blog today, and laughed. a. lot. Thanks for sharing your insight- and illustrations. I’ll be checking this regularly!

  248. Amy says:

    We have Target in Aus too but it’s not a mega superstore like in the US – just clothes, homewares and toys etc. If they had proper food I’m sure I’d be in there all the time though. Also would really like a Wal mart but don’t have that import yet.

  249. Karen says:

    Here you go…toothbrushes you can feel good about! http://smilesquared.com/

    • Danica says:

      i know that every little bit helps, but it sucks that even tho’ this is a biodegradable handle and you get to give to a child in need, the bristles are made by DuPont, their made from petroleum, and they never biodegrade. :( not sure why manufacturers can’t find natural fibers for bristles!!!

  250. This is EXACTLY why I had to stop going. I’d drop $100 on nothing!!!

  251. Hannay says:

    we don’t have target in UK, but Ikea has the same effect on me, I go in for one thing (say a cheese grater) and end up with a new set of bedroom furniture, 12 pictures frames and some funky spotted table linen…..)

    so I am not allowed in there on my own.

  252. emily says:

    I think that Hazel brought forth with her from the womb a never-ending, always-fresh supply of snoopy things in the dollar bins at Target. The dollar bins are my weakness – peanuts, organization, craft supplies, seeds, oh my!!!

  253. I’m almost glad the closest Ikea is 4 hours away because of that very reason. Almost.

  254. Sigh. I no longer can read your blog when my kids are awake. They love your drawings and insist I read them out loud. They suck the joy out of the blog, because while I’m trying to read the rest of it, all I hear is: “Mom, mom, mom! Go back! Read the picture! What does it say? Mom! Read the picture!” Then, they want an explanation as to why I’m laughing so hard and I feel like I shouldn’t tell them it’s because you said Whole Foods natural hair tooth brushes smell like ass! :)

  255. Mórrígan says:

    Thanks for the lolz

  256. Laura says:

    Heh… there’s a reason we used to live 90 minutes from the nearest big box store. Now we’ve moved back to civilization, there’s a Walmart, a Target, a CVS, and a Walgreens all within 10 minutes of the house… I’m in trouble!!

  257. Jennifer says:

    My Mom (My DD’s Grandma and daycare all wrapped into one) took out and ENTIRE row of spaghetti sauce with one of those a few weeks ago. I think we estimated about 15 jars. The Target lady just signed and said “that happens A LOT”. I thought it was funny, my Mom did not.

  258. Aurora says:

    Whenever I go to Target, I can’t get through the store fast enough before toddler overstimulation sets in! So, having children has actually made me more efficient at avoiding that hypnotic eye!

  259. meagan pryor says:

    i just went to target yesterday for new laundry baskets approx $30 value expected…….i came out with 2 new comforters, a movie, 4 storage bin totes, a humidifier, and 2 new laundry baskets….approx retail value $215…….evil target eye!! i even thought of you as i walked in and said, “I won’t let it happen to me!” well, we all see how that worked out

  260. Katie says:

    Hahahaha! Those carts are terrible! And I totally agree about the hypnotic eye. And your end note about toothbrushes/buying local made me laugh a lot.

  261. Martha says:

    My sister refers to Target as the place that charges you $100 to park and then gives you a bunch of crap you don’t need. Just about sums it up, I think.

  262. Laura says:

    My daughter’s 2nd word was IKEA. Or more acurately I-KEEEEEEEEEEEE-YA.

  263. Dareth says:

    Okay, this is the funniest blog ever! You nailed it…that bulls-eye is truly a hypnotic-eye! LOL!

  264. Xena Horvath says:

    Bwahahahahaha!!!!!!! Oh this really is so true!!! All the way true even the part about completely forgetting why you went there in the first place! I love this, thank you!

  265. Mary says:

    Target hypnotizes me regularly, and draws me in on its tractor beam before I even reach the exit on the highway. In fact, the last time I was there, the Bullseye did convince me that I needed curtains. They remain in the Target bag on the floor in my closet. I will put them up someday soon, but probably not before the Bullseye draws me in for matching shades.

  266. Anisa says:

    Ok, just read this and was reminded of your post. It’s totally going to freak you out… http://www.nytimes.com/2012/02/19/magazine/shopping-habits.html?pagewanted=1&_r=2&smid=FB-nytimes

  267. Claire says:

    I was just about to post the same article that Anisa did… that sent shivers down my spine!

  268. Danica says:

    My hub and I were just talking about this last night…the toothbrush thing…about how there aren’t any good eco-friendly totally compostable, vegan toothbrushes yet. at least that we know about. it can’t be too hard. he said there’s a reed in kenya that people use to brush their teeth…he used it when he was there.

  269. Cora says:

    This got onto absolutelymadness.com… ooohh a lil bit of fame

  270. Mama Bear says:

    You may just be the funniest woman alive. Are you spying on our family? My best friend, also a mom, keeps sending me these cartoons that make me wheeze with laughter, so I decided to eliminate the middleman and subscribe myself. And god, you are funny. Thank you for making me feel more sane.

  271. supermom says:

    you are soooo funny, my kids love those cart too as i have back pain problem i avoid to go target . lol.. just because i don’t want to push these huge 50 feet tall cart.

  272. Denise says:

    I just KNEW that was an hypnotic eye!

  273. Amanda N. says:

    BAHAHAHA! I can so relate! And I hate those carts! I refuse to use them because they’re too impossible to steer. lol

  274. OK, you owe me a new iPad… this is SO me, I laughed so hard I spit water at mine.
    The drawings are perfect… I have never driven those huge carts because I have no little ones except my doggies and Target won’t let me bring them in… those meanies.

  275. Nonnie says:

    That hypnotic eye is perfect! I went in there the other day for haircoloring. 35 bucks later I walked out and said to sane self
    “that was the most expensive hair color you ever bought!” Tried to justify using hypnotic eye credit card with the “5% off today” trick. My daughter is grown with 4 crappy babies of her own and at least twice a month regals me with a Target story. Pandemic!

  276. cat food says:

    Toys should be appropriate for your dog’s size and breed. Toys meant for puppies should not be given to adults. Large dogs can easily swallow puppy-sized toys, while puppies can wrap themselves with a large toy and possibly suffocate.

  277. Kristin says:

    LMAO. We have to have the 34 foot cart because we have six to contain (ok, 3 of them are infants and we have a separate conveyance for them.) We call Target “the hundred dollar store” because we *always* spend 100 dollars, even for “just one thing.”

  278. Hena Shami says:

    omg i was just about to leave to go to target to buy a shower curtain (like the picture shows her getting hypnotized to buy curtains).. SCARY lolll. gotta love target though ♥ come in for one thing, end up leaving with 20 things.. :/

  279. Yes, yes, a million times yes! I swear anytime I go to Target, I can never, ever walk out with just that “one thing”. Walmart, sure. But Target! Everything is just so cute and cheap and argh!!!

  280. Jennifer says:

    you are f&^%#! hilarious! **high five** :D

  281. Marie says:

    Try working there! I really think I should have a voucher for in store instead of a paycheck!

  282. Kelly says:

    This is my favorite Crappy Pictures post! Love it. They get you when you first walk in the door with the $1 crappy stuff on display at the entrance, and you think, “wow, all this stuff is only a dollar” — and you buy 8 items. Then you just keep seeing things you didn’t realize you needed and before you know it you have a whole cart of stuff. Happens to me every time. Thanks for the good laugh.

  283. Kristina says:

    THIS IS THE BEST THING EVER!!

  284. Silk! says:

    I cannot leave Target without spending almost exactly $80. If I’ve had a bad day, that amount jumps to $140.

    I feel so much better knowing I’m not the only one. Yes, the Target target is a hypnotist’s tool.

  285. Sooo familiar! And I agree on how awful the hippy toothbrushes are.

  286. Jessica says:

    I hate those stupid carts. I can never make turns and I always misjudge the distance and knock crap over. My son sticks his arms out like he’s an airplane and knocks everything off the low shelves. *facepalm*

  287. Nick says:

    I love the fine print almost as much as I love the hypnotic target eye

  288. sparkling74 says:

    wow, i have never thought of it being a hypnotic eye. of course it is. good thing we don’t have one around here. i know, i’ll wait while you finish gasping.

    but what i really wnat to know is do you say target or tarjay?

  289. Kat says:

    WOW! When I read “we only need one thing” I choked on my water. That is so me! And YES those carts are crazy and I only have one kid who’s under 30 pounds (unless he wants me to pick him up, then he’s at least 150) and he looks so ridiculous in it. My trick? Leave the wallet (I don’t have a purse, I have a diaper bag and put the wallet in it) in the van. works everytime! WAY too much work to go back out and get it and have to walk the 20 miles to the van.

  290. Marianne says:

    It’s the cart — those things are deadly! They EXPECT you to fill them up, thus, the two seater carts!

  291. Jennifer says:

    This post is my life only compounded by the fact that I am employed there and get an employee discount. I’ve been there at least 5 times this week to shop and it’s only Wednesday.

  292. Marla says:

    Sorry if this is a duplication, but I only read the first 15,000 comments. My strategy to beat the hypnotic eye is to buy anything I want, then return it later! (Except for the 99 cent soap dish that I actually went there for.) PS: I learned about your hilarious blog and ebook (which I bought: my first non-project-Gutenberg ebook ever) via a Facebook ad! Who knew that Facebook ads ever advertised anything good? It was the allure of the crappy picture that drew me in. Looking forward to the day when the crappy merch hits the shelves in Target. I might even keep it.

  293. Chelsea says:

    Yeah it reminds me of me at Walmart twice a week….
    I go in with the intention of buying 9 cheap things so I can pull $900 off my prepaid debit card for rent (since I can’t have more than $500 in a day from an ATM) and I walk in for shave gel, toilet paper, a couple of gallons of spring water, bread, and catfood…I leave with all of the above plus a 20-pack of 5 hour energy, margarita mix, a 16-pack econo-size of Hot Pockets, rolling papers, some new fake plants, candles, a lamp that I don’t know where I’m putting, a shower curtain, computer speakers, fish oil pills, sunglasses, and random crap from the makeup, jewelry, and office supply aisles. I don’t even know what hit me until I get home and realize I have no cleaning products…3 days later I go into Walmart for cleaning products and leave with another $150 worth of random crap.

  294. fishing says:

    Great blog here! Also your website loads up very fast!

    What host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to your host?

    I wish my web site loaded up as fast as yours lol

  295. Heather Velez says:

    The amazing thing about the SUV of carts is that it becomes a small, enclosed, wrestling pen. And the initial excitement of being in said cart quickly wains when they realize they are being touched, looked at, or their buckle is touching their siblings buckle. Who knew you could push 150lbs around tiny isles faster than a race car driver in first place?

  296. Abby says:

    Funnier-thats what happens when I go into Wal-Mart. It always cost me at least $50.00. I went on friday night for a shower curtain-I ended up with a carload of everything BUT the shower curtain. Mommy fail…

  297. Savannah says:

    LOLOLOL This THIS Happens To My Mom ALL The time

  298. Sirah says:

    I’m trying not to laugh the baby awake! This is so true about ALL big stores.

  299. ChewBobcca says:

    This happened to my wife and I the other day. We went to Target for towels, and we left with a PlayStation 4. To be fair, we also bought the towels.

  300. fearless knitter says:

    As I was leaving for Target recently, for one or two things, my husband quipped “$186 later…”. I laughed at the checkout line as I saw $186 whip by and head on up to $270. Showed him.

    Wait…

  301. Jennifer says:

    It’s the Eye of Sauron!

  302. Jennifer says:

    And those big things by the doors at Target and “the-Wal-Marts” are mind wipe machines that make you forget ONE item you’ll desperately need before the next week is up!

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