Sex Education at The Zoo

Crappy Papa is at the zoo with Crappy Boy and Crappy Baby.

They look for the monkeys first because monkeys are cool.

They find them.

Adorable squirrel monkeys.

Then suddenly, one of the monkeys grabs the other one.

And begins humping it. Furiously.

Monkey sounds are also made.

Crappy Boy asks if they are mating.

Crappy Papa answers affirmatively.

Crappy Boy says “Wow, Cool!” and also “I can’t believe we get to watch this in real life!”

Crappy Baby also says “Cool!” but that is only because his brother said it first. He hasn’t grown into monkey porn yet.

Seconds later, the two monkeys detach and move back to their original spots on the branch.

Out of the corner of his eye, Crappy Papa notices that the female monkey is dripping. Just a tiny bit.

And that the male monkey still has a giant monkey boner. And he is picking at it.

ย The kids don’t notice. Crappy Boy asks if the monkeys can have a baby.

Crappy Papa says, “Maybe”. Mating is how babies are made. Yes, indeed.

Next, the male monkey starts biting his penis. Actually, gnawing on the tip.

The boys watch, wide-eyed and with huge smiles. Awwwww

Just then, a redheaded woman with a baby in a stroller walks up to the scene.

You know, the penis biting monkey scene.

Crappy Boy pipes up cheerfully with “They were mating!” but this doesn’t help her feel more comfortable.

You know how some redheads don’t just blush on their cheeks but their entire face turns red? Poor woman. She wheeled the stroller away and made a quick escape.

Crappy Boy is still enthralled.

Crappy Papa pats himself on the back for being the kind of dad that can handle this situation with ease. No need for quick exits here. This is natural! Nothing wrong with a little monkey business on a Thursday afternoon.

But while the monkey pretends his wiener is a straw, Crappy Boy asks one more question:



And they too make a quick escape.


This entry was posted in crappy papa, crappy pictures, homeschooling, learning, life, outings. Bookmark the permalink.

177 Responses to Sex Education at The Zoo

  1. Wow, so he got to have The Talk!

    • neal says:

      “Kiddo, when a man and a woman love each other very much…”

      “I already know this one, dad. The man grabs her from behind and pounds her. I HAVE been to the zoo, you know.”

      “Um. Yeah. Well. Forget the birds and the bees talk. We’re going gonna skip the easy stuff and head straight for Feminism 101. Lord help me.”

  2. Amanda says:

    Wanna watch a PG movie the car on the way home?! I think I brought The Avengers! LETS GO!

  3. Ang says:

    Today is my birthday. I’m crying from laughing. Thank you for the birthday present!

  4. Kati says:

    BLAHaHH!!! I am laughing out loud sitting next to my 4yr old! I have tears in my eyes!! Thank you!! P.S. I am wasn’t happy until I read this b/c I have been trapped at home waiting on the cable dude! I am thinking about canceling as of TODAY! THANK YOU!!

  5. Leshelle says:

    Awesome. I am so not looking forward to these type of talks.

  6. Angela says:

    Oh no! So funny!

  7. Tina says:

    I lol the entire time!

  8. jill b says:

    LMFAO best post yet!

  9. Ariana says:

    I’m wondering; what the asterick next to mating is for?

  10. Trina says:

    I love his reply of “sorta” because it is totally true. Without the penis biting at the end and the being in trees and all. At least, I’m assuming. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  11. Tannah says:

    LMAO!!!! Awesome…Crappy Papa handled that well!

  12. Just when you thought it was safe to go to the zoo. HA HA HA! Too funny!

  13. Jackie s says:

    I saw the asterisk after “mating” and i was waiting for something awesome at the end explaining how you guys talk openly about sex and stuff. Then i got to the “um, sorta” and figured i wasnt going to see that lol.

  14. melissa says:

    YES! haha

  15. Amy says:

    Lmao!!! I once went to an aquarium with my grandparents, aunt, cousin, abd my parents and got to watch the sea otters go at it!! I was 18! It was humiliating to say the least. My Aunt kept shouting “good Lord!”

  16. Kim says:

    Bwahahaha! Monkey porn. That should have been the name of this post. Giggle giggle giggle. Yup, I’m right back in 4th grade when I learned about it. Teeheehee

  17. wendy hiltemann says:

    You know, your monkey drawings look pretty good. Perhaps practice makes perfect. You’ll have to change the blog to “With not-so-crappy-pictures”!

    • lizzie says:

      I think she really is an artist and her skills sneak out sometimes. You can see it in the proportions and and subtle details in facial expressions.

      • Brenda says:

        Lizzie I totally agree with you! I think it maybe should have “simple” drawings instead of “crappy”, but that would not have been nearly as amusing!! She is pretty amazing in what she can do with a subtle shape of an eye, or tiny bend of a stick arm to show fists (like on the piรฑata attack story – loved that little touch!)

    • Liz Beckman says:

      i was just thinking that — those monkeys are drawn by a real draw-er!

      • jen says:

        My son would say “See, I TOLD you I was a good artist” or “See, I told you I’m talented”

        And you are! A good artist and talented!!

  18. guinnessgirl says:

    Oh that is soooo funny! But you have clearly taught them well, excellent knowledge on Crappy Boy’s part! ๐Ÿ™‚

  19. Angela S. says:

    I need to remember not to read your blog at work because it always leads to the uncomfortable choking laughter at my desk where people think I’m dying.

    This was too. damn. funny.

    • Dana S. says:

      LOL! (Well my silent LOL) I too have to do the stifling laugh at work, and end up just doing a quiet-ish snort. Excellent parenting representation – I laugh so hard at all these (especially the Spanx one)!

  20. Nicole says:

    Ewwww, he handled that way better than I could have.

  21. Jessica says:

    Bahahahahahahah disgusting but hilarious!!

  22. Ann says:

    I would have been the embarrassed woman making a quick escape!

  23. I’m laughing AND dry-heaving. Great combo, thanks for that.

  24. lizzie says:

    That was SO dang funny! Monkey porn!

  25. Shea says:

    I have no words to describe how hard I just laughed.

  26. Chanda says:

    A similar thing happened to a friend of mine at the zoo except it was oral sex ……….. With gorillas.

  27. Lori says:

    We had a similar incident happen at our zoo when my 5-yr-old daughter was watching Gus, the giraffe, get frisky with Stella, his mate. I wanted to be all you-know-I’m-a-healthy-grounded-mom…yadda, yadda…and coolly answered my daughter’s questions: “Yes, they’re making a baby.” “Yes, Gus is feeling “spicy”.” And then my daughter pipes up and says (I swear she said it extra loud), “Daddy’s penis isn’t that big! And it certainly isn’t purple, Mommy. Why is that?” The whole crowd around us burst into laughter. And I looked for a quick exit. We now avoid the giraffes in the spring now.

  28. anne says:

    SERIOUSLY bent over laughing!!!!
    Thank you for that!
    (considering the last time we were at the zoo my husband took a picture of the mating monkeys and sent it to his friends)

  29. Erin says:

    Im surprised there was no comment from them on the fact the monkey got his penis in his own mouth! I always assumed that was every guys goal in life.

  30. extremely anonymous says:

    When I was about 13, we went to the zoo. I watched a monkey jack off (not understanding at all what I was watching) . I’ve never told anyone till now.

  31. OMG I am laughing so hard I have tears. As a former teacher, I used to dread the spring zoo trip for this very reason…until I had a parent leave their group behind and had a kid leaning underneath the wires precariously close to falling into the bonobo cage. Then I had a whole new thing to worry about!

  32. mommymichael says:

    I grew up in Texas. We’d drive past tons of farms on the way home from school. One time (which is surprising that it was just once…) my dad and I noticed a bull mount a cow. I quickly looked at my dad who also noticed. We both cracked a smile, then a giggle, then busted out laughing. Sometimes there isn’t even need for a “lesson”… just some good ol’ middleschool giggles!

  33. Anne says:

    Hee hee! We saw some turtles gettin’ it on one day at a small animal park and they were grunting away as they did. Fortunately for me no questions were asked so I escaped that one.

  34. KJ says:

    I think it’s cute he was so thrilled to see it “in real life”. Love that sense of wonder and innocence. Of course it always has to get embarrassing for mum or dad at some point ๐Ÿ™‚

  35. Annie Wendt says:

    Oh my. One of my favorites (and you just about always make me laugh out loud). It just got funnier and funnier. Once we were at the zoo when the golden tamarin monkeys were enjoying each other – not mating, but one was giving the other a b.j.. I did NOT know monkeys did that. I think our son was under 1 yr and didn’t bat an eye, but I did feel a little uncomfortable. Since they are tiny little monkeys, it was in an inside/up close glass enclosure so we were very close on the other side of the glass! I love the final question from Crappy Boy. Classic!

  36. Katherine says:

    Oh… well now. Back in the day I was a veterinary student in a foreign country. And I got to work for a month at a zoo during my exotic species rotations. And I met Pedro.. the squirrel monkey. Pedro fell in LOOOVE with me. So much so that everytime he saw me he would jump to the bars and follow me around. All while furiously um… touching himself. Everyone thought it was hilarious except me and Pedro. And then, as part of our final grade, we had to give tours to school children. I begged the head veterinarian to let me skip. But no, I had to. So 35 children followed me around while I showed them animals. Then we got to the cage. And Pedro came up and stared at me while touching himself. I tried to stand in front of him so that no one could see but kids are not stupid. Dozens of hands were raised. Questions were asked. I pointedly ignored the monkey erection and mumbled something about how he was scratching an itch and waving hello. So if your kid went to El Zoologico Santa Cruz in Santandercito, Cundinamarca Colombia. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to teach him that “hello” in monkey involves yanking on your boy parts. I was desperate. (hangs head in shame).

  37. sarah says:

    little monkeys are big pervs. i went to a church ranch retreat with my mom when i was younger. it was for single parents. anyway there was a monkey cage and the little monkeys were nasty. one of them was always jacking off. i had a sugar daddy pop (the chewy candy on a stick) anyway the monkey took the candy and was hitting himself in the penis with it and rubbing it on his junk. it was crazy. a bunch of us kids were watching and laughing.

  38. Laura Anne says:

    I took my son and a friend to the farm my dad works at they raise pigs – about 20 of them. The boys went to look at the pigs and one of the females kept getting mounted by several different pigs. One of the boys said “Wow, those pigs are really strong they keep giving each other piggy back rides.” To which I responded “Yes, they must be really strong.” Luckily my son, who watches lots of National Geographic and animal shows and knows all about mating animals did not feel the need to enlighten his buddy. How would I have explained that we gave a little sex education class at the farm to his 5 year old buddies mom. I am sure the day will come.

  39. Michelle Brier says:

    Ha, We took our little one to the zoo and we went right to the monkeys too and the first thing I said to him was “OMG, look at the size of that monkeys balls” It’s not just kids who notice this stuff, or I am just wacked. lol

  40. Delia says:

    Hahaha, we were fortunate enough to witness mating between two Beluga whales at the Georgia Aquarium. My 6 year old was quite enthralled and loudly yelled, “Mom, look how big his wiener is!” The employee giving the whale talk was less enthusiastic about the performance and was about 63 shades of crimson. She was also not very thrilled about answering said 6 year olds many questions about beluga whale sex, hahahahaha.

  41. Terri says:

    Ha, ha! This happened to me too. My five young kids and I were at the zoo in Alaska one day. We were watching a young brown bear walk around and play. We laughed as he rolled onto his back and played with his toes. Awwwwww! Everyone was pointing and giving Awwws and Oooohs. And then……he began to play with his penis furiously with his paws. Um……..the older kids didn’t quite understand what was going on so I was safe. I giggled as other people walked up to the exhibit. I was able to direct them to the tigers, unscarred.

  42. Samii says:

    Monkeys ARE gross. They’re fascinating, but still gross — and hilarious.

  43. Deena says:

    I have had the experience of witnessing elephants mating at the zoo (as a young teen). It was certainly interesting.

    As a chaperone, on a farm field trip with a Christian school class, there was a donkey who was penned up away from his mate. He was braying and quite obviously interested in finding her.

  44. Jennifer says:

    My kids still talk about the day the turtles were climbing on top of each other and making loud sounds (I had no idea turtles could be so vocal).

    • Amy says:

      Oh.Yes. We discovered that too one day at a zoo. Not pretty. LOL

    • amber says:

      I saw tortoises at the zoo once too & WOW were they loud. It looked and sounded…painful. (Pre-kid days.)

    • Amberwj says:

      At the New Orleans zoo we saw (and heard!) a giant tortoise mounting a female. We stood watching for a while and then my younger sister asked, “why doesn’t he just go around?”

  45. Tanya says:

    This whole post is killing me, but the line “using his weiner as a straw” made me laugh so hard, I started crying!!! Hilarious! I took my family to the Bronx zoo for the first time over the summer, and the highlight for my kids was watching a gorilla pee all over itself. Not quite as entertaining…

  46. Rosanne says:

    You haven’t lived until you’ve stood in front of an eight-foot tall, twelve-foot wide window with a manatee pleasuring himself on the other side. That’s all I have to say!

    • Ruth says:

      A manatee??? With..their flippers?? HAHAHAHAHA! I had NO idea manatees of all animals did that. This is making my whole day!

  47. Christine Roeske says:

    BWAHAHAHAHA! I just snorted my soda. Ouch.

  48. Kelsey says:

    OMG! This is too dang funny! Had me rolling the whole time!

  49. Kimberly says:

    So…next time we’re all skipping the monkeys, right?!

  50. Erin mommy of 3 lil monsters (the good kind of course) says:

    Ahhaaa lol I kinda had the same wild life adventure at the w the monkeys but it was all self gradifaction w tht monkey if ou xatch my drift lol also we had one w the penguin exhibit lol but it is sure funny to see people scatter and kids asking a million questions ๐Ÿ˜‰ nothing like an educational day at the zoo lol

  51. Denise Krieger says:

    dangit i just had abdominal surgery and I can’t stop laughing…. treats his wiener like a straw. ROFLMAO THANK you for a laugh on a day I really needed one.

  52. Sarah says:

    My oldest steadfastly refuses to ask any of these questions. At 11, I guess I’m going to have to bring it up myself….? MUCH worse (to me) than answering their own questions about it! *gulp!*

  53. Jenn says:

    We’ve seen some interesting sexual exploits the last 3 times we’ve gone to a zoo, each was a different zoo. We’ve had to talk to the kids about masturbating and mating, but fortunately they didn’t recognize the what the bats were doing was having an orgy.

    My now 5yo girl still remembers the masturbating monkey from a year ago. We discovered this in the conversation that took place after, seemingly at random, she began walking bowlegged into the grocery store saying, “I’m flopping my penis.”

  54. Totally just choked on my lunch.

  55. Nicole says:

    OMG! Seriously- all of your posts make me at least smile, but for some reason, this one had me in hysterics! Promise, this one has made me laugh the hardest. I have no idea why. But this is always the greatest fear that I have when we go to the zoo- that the animals will start going at it in front of us.

  56. Michelle Horan says:

    We went to the zoo one day when my daughter was about 3 and basically had a mating lesson…the monkeys, the elephants, the orangutangs and even the peacocks were all going at it. Thank God she didn’t ask about how she was made…thanks for the laugh!

  57. Cheryl S. says:

    First, I’m totally impressed that Crappy Boy already knows that mating makes babies. My 7 y/o daughter doesn’t know that yet! (She hasn’t asked. I have not volunteered.)

    Now, I’m OK with the entire monkey humping part, but when the male monkey started working on his own junk, we would have been OUT OF THERE. EEEEEEWWWWW!

  58. Mama Mo says:

    There’s a new bull elephant, Hank, that just moved to our zoo. We were watching him one day, my 2.5 year old twin boys and I. Suddenly I hear “Hank is going poo-poo potty!” “Hank is going pee-pee potty!” And then, “Hank has two tails, mama?” That’s when I got to have a discussion about elephant penises at the zoo with my boys.

  59. Jo says:

    Ohhh, Crappy Papa, don’t pretend you’ve never tried it! ๐Ÿ™‚

  60. Amy Hardin says:

    Sick at work and feeling like crap (and sounding like Bea Arthur)….this made me actually cackle which made me sound even more like I belonged in “Maude” or “Golden Girls”.

  61. Nicole says:

    Haha, that’s great! Always have to be careful with monkeys. We’ve seen this many times too.

  62. Laura says:

    As one of those redheads, I feel her pain!

  63. Amanda says:

    Hilarious. I’d would have been glad it was my husband who got to manage this and not me. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  64. Chelsie says:

    Thank you for the big lol’s I’ve been sitting on hold for over an hour and their incessant horrific muzak is starting to burn my ears…anyhow loved the post as always! Reminded me of the time I was at Sea World with my little charge at the time, about 2 yrs old and we came upon the walrus underwater w/a boner like you’ve never seen! At least 2-3′ long. And she was all like look at his HUGE penis!! and I was trying to play it cool and not bust a gut, yup, there it is! Alrighty… ready to go see the next thing?? But no we had to stay and get a nice good look at that big ‘ol walrus weiner flapping around in the water right at eye level. oy.

  65. Gabrielle says:

    “I confess freely to you, I could never look long upon a monkey, without very mortifying reflections.” — William Congreve, 1670-1729

    Maybe these monkeys were descended from a famous line of primate exhibitionists!

  66. Ginger says:

    Reading the comments is sometimes just as funny as the story itself!! ๐Ÿ˜€ Love this blog <3

  67. Vikki says:

    i was reading this w/ my 3 yo on my lap.. he wanted to know if the monkeys were scared.. i said.. yep sure are.. Awesome post.. I love it.

  68. Stephanie W says:

    We saw a giraffe giving another giraffe a “piggyback ride” the last time we visited the zoo. ๐Ÿ™‚

  69. Erin says:

    I have an all new respect for your artistic abilities. The sketch of mating monkeys is fantastic in the most funny way! Kinda like the whole scenario…

  70. Lu says:

    You drew a picture of a monkey biting its penis. And published it. For this I love you.

  71. schaun says:

    My kids know I don’t like monkeys. They just don’t know this is why!

  72. Liz Beckman says:

    i have to stop sneak reading these at work b/c i end up snorting in here and give myself away. this the hardest i’ve laughed in, what? weeks? thank you. thank you. plus, i love crappy baby’s arms up in all the frames…

  73. Lisa says:

    Haha! This is awesome! I wasn’t enlightened to ‘monkey’ porn until college when my primatology class ‘got’ to watch a lovely documentary on bonobos.

  74. Kylie says:

    wow, thank you for that, so funny my cheeks are hurting from laughing!

  75. Lisa says:

    Love your blog! I had to comment because my twin 4 year olds get a kick out of seeing the tortoises at a local zoo humping. They are almost always doing it whenever we visit, which is often. We chickened out and said they were “playing wheelbarrow”, which is also what we’ll say if our kids ever catch us in the act.

  76. jana WERNOR says:

    my favorite part is the picture of the monkeys and the “Eee Eee”
    You are sooooo funny!

  77. christiq says:

    okay this one actually made me laugh out loud. and that NEVER happens. almost. i especially like how the monkeys are staring right at your kids the entire time — even through all of the monkey business =P

  78. jen says:

    *monkey business* hahahahaha…..and what the heck was that monkey doing biting on the tip…he didn’t get enough???

    I love love LOVE that crappy boy is so smart he had to follow up with, is that how you made me:..can you just imagine those monkey images?

    On a trip to the zoo in Hilo HI, I saw turtles mating…..I never knew turtles made noise, but apparently they grunt when in action…I had to take a picture else no one would believe what I saw…I now have turtle porn in my vacation photo album ๐Ÿ˜‰

  79. Jennifer says:

    OMG, can I just say that this kind of happened to us? The only difference is that one monkey was literally spreading the other monkey’s butt cheeks and eating its butt. I kid you not! Luckily my daughter isn’t 2 yet so she didn’t even notice but my husband and I were DYING! What is with these monkeys?!

  80. Paula says:

    We saw the very same scenario with lions in the spring. We saw it ALL right up against the glass. A pornography photographer couldn’t have gotten the angle these massive felines provided for us.

  81. Denise says:

    We saw a tortoise pleasuring himself at the zoo once, about a year ago. Here’s my (long) blog post about that day… (nowhere near as funny as Amber’s though!)

  82. Angie says:

    Saw huge tortoises at the San Diego Zoo over the past weekend “mating” One boy said “they are snoring” Parents all around just nodded their heads. ๐Ÿ™‚

  83. Hey! Great idea – I’ll just take my tweens to the zoo and skip that whole “Talk” business. Whew.

    Kudos to your husband for not freaking out. He’s a better person than I am.

  84. sarah says:

    This is exactly what i did to my mother one time at the zoo. she still tells the story. I think i was 8? lol too too funny!

  85. Samantha says:

    We got to watch tortoises go at it at the zoo once. It was…slow ;).

    On another trip with my son’s preschool class we were riding the little train around the entire zoo and the donkey had the most enormous schlong I have ever seen hanging down between his legs. The mom in front of me gasped and covered her child’s eyes, exclaiming that they shouldn’t have things like that at the zoo for the kids to see (you know, because zoo staff are fully able to control animal erections). I, on the other hand, burst out laughing and grabbed the video camera ๐Ÿ™‚

  86. Nora says:

    LOL eww i was in the middle of eating my lunch and this actually kinda grossed me out ha!

  87. Kbee says:

    I am a redhead whose entire face has turned red

  88. I am shaking with laughter while sitting in a coffee shop and people are staring at me.

    So worth it.

  89. Jen says:

    When my older son was only about a year old we took him to the zoo with daddy and Grandpa. To my chagrin two camels were mating and the female (1) made an insane racket that sounded like she had a vuvuzela stuck in her gullet, and (2) made the weirdest, teeth grinding sex face I’ve ever seen. Grandpa (my dad) was thoroughly amused and took a copious amount of photos, to a point where I started to wonder about him. Luckily the baby was completely oblivious.

  90. Shelley West says:

    I would fear that Crappy Boy is going to revisit this memory and start a new conversation at a later time about this topic….probably at an inconvenient moment.

  91. Robin Guyette says:

    Funniest post EVER!! Thank you for the hysterical laughing, I needed that!

  92. Krystal says:

    LOL kind of reminds me of my story entry about the humping chickens and egg laying donkeys

  93. Geneva says:

    What is it with monkeys?! Nasty little freaks. LOL. I had one pee in my face on a school field trip. (Back in the day when the cages were wire and not glass.) Since then I have had an extreme dislike of them. Not looking forward to the masturbating, peeing, poop flinging monkeys when we go on zoo trips!

  94. Tracy Beck says:

    Mating is natural. What isn’t natural is the walrus I once saw peeing into his own mouth. And it is amazing how these images are the ones that stick with us. I saw this as a kid and remember it so vividly now. And I remember, as a kid, that whenever we mentioned the zoo, I would pipe up “remember that time…?” ๐Ÿ™‚

  95. Kari says:

    my daughter was watching the cows at our place and watching the bull do his thing. After the bull was done she came back into the house and said ” The bull was mating with the cow, after he was done he was so tired. Is that why daddy is tired all the time?” Oh the things you learn on the farm.

  96. Melissa says:

    Can’t. BREATHE! Oh, SO funny!! Yes, these are tears of laugher ๐Ÿ˜€ thanks for that!

  97. Sarah Jane says:

    OMG What a great start to the morning I am crying with laughter!!! Funniest post I’ve read in a while I gotta say and I love the Monkey porn!! HAHA!! I dread having to come across this situation with my kids-go Crappy Papa handling it like a pro!!!! ๐Ÿ˜€

  98. Julie says:

    So awesome!!! Our boys are the same age so this was extra funny for me.

  99. Yikes… I’m reading at work. This one is apt to set off the filters! ๐Ÿ™‚

    I, thankfully, don’t have a similar story. But once at the aquarium we saw a whole tank full of turtles turn on a fish with an injured fin. They are supposed to co-exist (in that particular tank) and are fed other food sources, but all these turtles just turned on the fish and started ripping it fin from fin. My son thought it was sad, but I just said that that’s how God made them. Some animals stay alive by eating other animals, and it’s natural. A few minutes later, an old granny stopped and commented about the poor fish (they were still going at it, it took a really long time…. gross) and he informed her, “It’s ok. God told them them do that. It’s natural.”

  100. Kerry says:

    I got to see the big tortoises mating once while at the zoo w/my 3-year-old and 1-year-old, who were both too young to realize what was happening. The male was making the LOUDEST groans. The funniest part though was that there was a whole crowd of onlookers literally cheering them on!

  101. Dave says:

    I just blew snot on my screen from trying to hold in laughing out loud in the office and failing, I’m not sure what the “LOL” abbreviation for that is “OMG BSOMS”?

    *looks for screen cleaner*

  102. Jenifer says:

    Omg…standing at DFW baggage claim waiting for my bestie…DYING laughing while people stare! Baaaaahahahahahahah!

    • DianeMargaret says:

      Yeah…..I’ve quit reading this blog in public! It’s just too much!!!
      I already have a hard enough time remembering not to sing and dance along to the Music in the grocery stores!!!
      What’s worse, I’m SO bad about it, that my daughter (2 years old) is now dancing in the carts and “singing”!!! LOL
      I cause myself enough stares without SNORTING, and tearing up from laughter, in public!
      I have to live in this town, after all.

  103. Ellen S. says:

    I love this blog not only because it is hilarious, but also because I feel like it prepares me well for the future ahead. My daughter just turned two and her favorite expression is the question “What happened?” — I feel like all of these posts will make it (slightly) less terrorizing when we witness our first monkey porn. Which seems inevitable, based on the comments…

  104. Lisa says:

    “He hasnโ€™t grown into monkey porn yet.” Best. Line. Ever.

  105. mom lady says:

    my husband, sister, her date and I were at Sea World where two young male whales decided to get it on…we all had a little chuckle but the camp counselor with the group of 2/3 grade girls was not amused. The questions were numerous and the counselor could not move them on fast enough!

  106. Court says:

    Our family went to Busch Gardens when I was in middle school. By family I mean everyone, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. Decided to go see the Budweiser Clydesdales. One if them was certainly turned on and wanting his mate. If horse erections are already big enough, a Clydesdale is freaking huge! My cousins and I all giggled as we walked past, but my uncle stopped and stared for about 5 solid minutes. The rest of the trip he kept bringing it up, until my grandma finally said “it’s part of nature. Are you just jealous?”

  107. Mercy says:

    Yes, I think this is the funniest post so far. My kids have yet to ask those questions but what a smart boy you have!

  108. Melly says:

    O.M.G Funniest shit ever!! The comments had me cracking up too!

  109. Danielle says:

    It seems like these stories are more common than you would think. When I was a kid, we saw two Galapagos tortoises mating at the Toronto Zoo. They were making such loud grunts, you could hear them from the other side of the zoo!

  110. Callie says:

    I don’t know if I believe that “research” saying only humans and dolphins do it for pleasure…I’ve seen way too many animals seeming to enjoy the act! Hilarious post, Amber!

  111. oh my gosh! i’d be outta there quick too!

  112. Thea says:

    Not a zoo story but when my son was 7 he went with his dad to the Mayan ruins at Uxmal in Mexico (I stayed home that day with the baby). They have a “grove” of giant penis statues there, took my son a minute but he quickly figured out what they were, to much giggling and wonder. Weeks later, back at home I mentioned I’d like to see the pictures from that visit, he looked at me coyly and asked: “Why? Does it remind you of mating?”

  113. Kelly says:

    Your crappy pictures are almost getting to be too good to call them crappy!!

  114. Katie says:

    hahahahahahaha! Funniest post ever!

  115. Leah says:

    Just got back from the zoo today, witnesses to a similar scene. I walked by, pretending not to notice. My kids took my lead (thankfully). Seems that there isn’t much else to do in that cage when you’re a monkey.

  116. Nikki says:

    HAHA! That is hilarious ๐Ÿ™‚ Love this blog!

  117. Wow, I’m really impressed with Crappy Papa! That is great parenting right there, being able to calmly contribute a sense of normalcy (instead of awkwardness) towards what is perfectly normal behaviour.

    But this is still hilarious. XD

  118. Brittany says:

    This was bloody hysterical! To be honest, things I read don’t make me laugh too often, and this honestly brought tears to my eyes. Your cmedic timng – spot on!

  119. jodi says:

    too funny ! and my 2 yr old recognized the monkeys and made monkey sounds at them, not too crappy drawing there.

  120. Lana says:

    when I was a teem at a zoo there where two male orangutans and one inverted his penis so the other had a cavity to penetrate. literally stuffed it inside himself and the other guy was on him so fast it was a shock. thinking they must’ve been desperate for a female..