Sex and Dogs Versus Cats

We’re sitting on the Crappy Couch and the kids are asleep. Crappy Papa gives me the look. You know the one.


And then the dog invades our space.


I don’t think he means to be rude.

I think he can sense that something cool is happening and he gets confused. (A walk? A treat? What is happening? Why are you guys so happy all of a sudden? Let me jump up here and get a closer look! Hey guys, what’s going on?


The cats, on the other hand, are totally different.

In fact, I never noticed how truly polite they were until we got a dog.

With the cats, it is always like this…

Crappy Husband and I have sex. We finish having sex.

One second after we split apart, the cats appear out of nowhere.


They appear immediately afterwards, so it must mean they were nearby. Waiting. But they were quiet! We never knew they were there. Which is actually kinda creepy but also rather polite, isn’t it?


Okay, I don’t know how to end this post. Other than, do your cats/dogs do this too?



In case you notice the small kitty in the picture above and the fact that there are two…we have two Crappy Cats again. We adopted a black kitty with yellow eyes about a month ago.  

This entry was posted in crappy pictures, dogs versus cats, marriage, pets, sex. Bookmark the permalink.

125 Responses to Sex and Dogs Versus Cats

  1. Ginger says:

    LOL oh how well I know that look, except we don’t have any pets that interfere, just our 3 year old who happens to wake up. His toddler senses must kick in and the need to want water, a hug, a kiss, his stuff, etc. And then he won’t go back to bed until I’m with him…sigh.

    • AZ says:

      I thought toddlers were bad until I had teenagers. They never go to sleep and they will KNOW if you sneak away. I guess it adds to that element of excitement/possibly getting caught…..

      • Kara says:

        I still recall the horror of going home for lunch one day when I was 18. Shudder.y parents were clearly NOT expecting me.

      • Don Powell says:

        Amen to teenagers never going to sleep! Now we just shut our door and we all agree to not know what that means 🙂

    • Didi says:

      Oh, the toddler sex-sense. In secret, when no one else can hear, we refer to the toddler as “Cockblock #3” (clearly, #1 and #2 failed at their attempts!)

    • SD Murray says:

      I always joked that my son could detect potential siblings and was determined to prevent them. (He was rather vocal -even at 2 – about not liking babies.) He’s 15 now and an only child. Mission accomplished!

  2. We lock the cat on the outside of the room and she politely scratches at the door the entire time…

  3. Tammy says:

    Yes, my cat is the same way. Totally creepy but polite! We’ve since started keeping her out of the room while we do our thing. 🙂

  4. Kim Q says:

    Yes, our crappy dog totally gets right in the middle of things. If my husband so much as hugs me, crappy dog comes over and whines at us.

  5. Sam says:

    haha I have two crappy dogs. One of which used to come lay on the bed (eww!) and the other would sit and cry. Now they both just go lay in the larger of the two crates and essentially roll their eyes at us. The minute we get up though, they return to their former velcro-like state! haha

  6. lesli says:

    Oh I just WISH my cat would interfere with this and get me off the hook!! 🙂

  7. Karen says:

    OMG, yes, this is exactly what happens with our dogs and cat! LOL

  8. Sarah K. says:

    Our dog once jumped on the bed with us and started licking my face! Ewww! We’ve learned to shut the door now and she just sits outside and waits.

  9. Pat says:

    Yes! Ours do it too!

  10. Melanie says:

    My cats try to snuggle us while it’s happening. Or they sit and stare. It’s incredibly annoying. Our daughter has never once woken up during though, but she has woken up immediately afterwards countless times. We always say she’s super polite. I swear she can’t hear us from her room! It’s such a weird coincidence.

  11. Regina says:

    No pets but it’s like our kids have radar that goes off anytime we want to get busy. It never fails that one of them will come knock on the door and ask to come in. Or they’ll ask for something, and I always say yes just to get them to go away. 🙂

    • Katherine says:

      Ha ha! When I was a child/teen, my parents “took a nap” every Sunday afternoon while my siblings and I cleaned up from our big Sunday family dinner. I did learn that it was a good time to knock on their door and ask for permission to go places, because my mom always said YES! But I swear I was over THIRTY before I realized that they weren’t napping! Ewwwwww.

  12. Not telling says:

    When my husband and I were dating years ago he had a very large male cat named Koby. We were messing around when suddenly Koby jumped on the bed, right next to my husband’s erection. Koby’s eyes got huge and he started batting at said erection. My husband screamed like a girl and I was laughing so hard I couldn’t breathe. Lucky for hubby, kitty had long been declawed.

  13. JennK says:

    Our dogs get judgmental. If we get too “active”, they will take turns sighing and/or snorting very loudly. We’ve taken to clearing the room and closing the door but, somehow, one of the cats is always still in there. Quiet. But there.

  14. Elizabeth Beckman says:

    I love how you’re blushing in the first frame — still in love with your guy. Who says married folks don’t have sex?!

  15. Lybs says:

    One of my Ex’s dog growled at me when I was on top. The dog thought I was hurting her master. THat is when we learned to close the door!!

  16. Me says:

    First time with my husband, his cat vomited all over my jeans!

    • Courtney says:

      Cats get nervous at births too… We had a car rhat was stalking the birth rub, when the baby came out the cat threw up lol

  17. Vic says:

    2 sex watching ninja kitties here too.

    it is super creepy.

  18. Colleen says:

    My two year old son would get jealous if he saw mommy and daddy hugging. He’d try to pull us apart. He always would wake up as soon as we were done having fun married time. Now, though, my hubby has passed away two months ago, so no more strategic planning . 🙁

  19. Mrs_wormwood says:

    Watch out that the dog isn’t trying to replace someone (as alpha… Not that way)

  20. Heathe says:

    Our cats are like your dog. They recognize the look and suddenly think it must be about cuddling with them. We usually have to lock them out of the room because they will most certainly interrupt with an awkward face rub or creepy purring. Perves. 😉

  21. Laura says:

    Our cat was not a creepy ninja. He’d hide under the bed so we thought we had the room to ourselves and then start growling just when things were getting good. Every.single.time.

  22. Brenda says:

    We dont have any dogs, but yes our cat is so creepy that way! She will sometimes watch (eeek!) and we dont realize til after and then she hops up on the bed right after. So wierd.

    Cats are pervs.

  23. Sarah says:

    Our dog, Wallace, does this. He tries to make us give him kisses by nudging his snout between our faces and wiggling his stub of a tail. So cute, but not appreciated in that moment.

  24. Laura says:

    I don’t know about dogs, but we wondered for a while why one of our cats always stayed in bed with us and never seemed to be bothered by any motion, etc. created during sex (other than getting outright kicked in the face) and we finally figured out that she WANTED to be there. (Any other cats we had would get unsettled and jump down–it was just this one.) She didn’t ever interfere with anything, but occasionally we could hear her purring. We never quite understood what it meant to her, since she was spayed early and wouldn’t have had any sexual experiences herself, but I think there really was something about it that attracted her.

  25. Kari says:

    I’m just commenting to say that I love that you have black cats. Black cats and dogs are usually the last ones to get adopted. 🙁

  26. Rachel says:

    We had dogs before we had kids, and they both we very rude if they thought fun might happen. We lost one dog three years ago and now super old grumpy dog still goes crazy. We can’t lock him out because he whines so loud he’d wake the children. One day I imagine fun with out a panicked crazy fog running around.

  27. Sarah says:

    What is “sex”? 😉

  28. Nora N. says:

    hahahah!! Yes our big black lab does this, we’ll be cuddling on the couch and things start going in a direction and then there’s his big face, inches from ours, and once we acknowledge him he just buries his face into ours. Mood killer for sure haha

  29. Laura S says:

    When we were first dating, my husband swore up and down that his dog was not affectionate. She was not a lap dog, she was not a cuddler, she did not care whether or not he was near her. And I observed this to be true, until the first time we were having sex, and suddenly, my toes are wet. The dog was at the foot of the bed licking my toes while we were doing the deed. It was one of the most awkward things I have ever experienced. But we laughed about it, and it was good.

  30. Monica says:

    bahaha!! I used to have a Dalmatian and he would watch… Super creepy. Once, my husband got a nice Suprise lick on his bum!!

  31. crystal says:

    our cat has to be in the same room and usually is watching. afterwards he is super friendly and wants a snugglefest of his own. such a weirdo, but I love him.

  32. Marilyn says:

    Our dog refuses to climb stairs, so we’re safe in our room…except for the children, who are right across the hall. And our door doesn’t lock.

  33. LF says:

    Yes, our cats get annoyed at us when the look is exchanged and go away and then come right back when we’re done. I think mine are more exasperated with us than polite.

  34. Cydney says:

    Wow. My life in pictures!

  35. Kim says:

    We have to banish them all from the bedroom. The cat likes to pace ON the foot of the bed. She’s a HUGE Ragdoll so she’s not the most inconspicuous animal around. One dog jumps up in the chair to get a better look and the other growls and barks from the floor. It’s all kinds of ridiculous.

  36. L2 says:

    We used to have two cats, and during sex one would turn his back until it was over, and the other would silently climb up onto the bed and we wouldn’t notice until she was literally on top of us. It was annoying, but also kind of funny.

  37. Kris says:

    Yes, our golden jumps onto the bed with us with her tail wagging all thrilled. Then again, she is pretty much always thrilled so we have to make sure she isn’t in the room.

  38. Kate says:

    We have a creepy cat that watches from afar. However, when our dog was a puppy, I got a nice wet lick on my naked butt in the middle of doing the deed.

  39. Alex says:

    haha this is so funny. we actually have to shut the cat out of our room, but the last time we did he opened the door i guess because when we finished he was there laying in his spot already right at the end of the bed. He was so quiet and polite we didn’t even notice he was there, so i guess thats good. its a little creepy of the cat though that he can’t just stay out of the room for 20 minutes lol.

  40. Titch says:

    One time when our cats were quite young and kittenish still, my hubby was on top when I noticed a small furry pair of ears and two curious yellow eyes looking down at me from over his shoulder….A cat had actually climbed right onto his back and was having the ride of his life!

    Creepy isn’t the right word. It was so hilarious I couldn’t stop giggling. Totally killed the moment. Oops!

    • Anon says:

      Same exact thing happened to us! Including the giggling. That cat is dead now but it’s one of the first things that I think about when someone mentions the cat. And then I can’t help but smile and people ask why…. “He was just such a friendly cat.”

  41. MLC says:

    Our dog is indifferent, but our cat is just like yours. He politely waits somewhere (?) and then crawls under the covers between us.

  42. daniel says:

    Lernt the dog lesson the hard way. As newlyweds, we had to look after my mums dog. We were doing our thing and this dog got excited and jumped on the bed and started liking my butt! Never looked at that dog the same eay since…..

  43. Ravenwulf says:

    Most if my cats have been great through the ages, very polite….but I had ONE named Corky, who, I kid you not, came up and starting um….ringing the bells (knocking them back and forth) which in itself wasn’t so bad, until the claws came out!

  44. Michelle C says:

    Thank you for adopting a black kitty! They have a bad rep because of the whole Halloween situation and are traditionally the hardest cats to place (at least at our Humane Society.) My 2 cat do exactly the same thing. And if by some chance we get lucky and they get shut out of the bedroom, they’ll claw the door and meow like they’re dying. Almost a mood killer. lol

  45. Sabine says:

    We have 2 cats and one of them is just as interuptive as the dogs are. Lol. He is not a polite cat at all.
    On a side note. I got my crap I need to remember calendar. My kids love it, especially the pictures! But they aren’t allowed to say crap so they call it ” the poop I need to remember book” haha

  46. Kayla says:

    Nope, completely the other way around. We have 2 bigger dogs and they stay peacefully on the floor, but the 2nd we move, the cats are up there all happy like.
    Let me count the ways we’ve not-so-politely “kicked” them off the bed!

  47. Bethany says:

    My cats are almost as bad as the dogs. I’ve been licked climbed on and even bit by them at times I only expected such behavior from my husband. It’s not every time but I they certainly aren’t polite. The worst the dogs usually do is start licking feet.

  48. Crista Nunziato says:

    Ok cats aren’t always polite ours paces around the room until we are done meowing which we have learned to ignore except the memorable time he caught his tail on fire on a candle… The mood was definitely ruined after that!

    • Sanj says:

      Hahaha! I thought you said, “until we were done meowing” …. (interesting picture!) ….
      And then the cat caught on fire. Oh my!

  49. Ally says:

    Excited to shed light on this, this is a dog behavior called
    Splitting. Dogs do it when they sense an interaction between two parties is getting too rough, heated, tense, exciting. Try use it a lot between two puppies playing or a mature dog will split two adults getting rough. So if you want to fix it, you just need to practice doing sit stays and treating after short hugs and kisses etc.

  50. Nicole says:

    Just lock your cats in one of those masking tape circles on the floor. You know, the cat traps that are all over the webs right now!

  51. Catherine Summers says:

    Our cat just lays on the bed and ignores us. Not sure what’s weirder, that he just hangs out or that we totally don’t care there’s a cat on the bed when we do it.

  52. Tina says:

    Okay so we do not have cats but 2 dogs. Our old dog just does not care about to much. Our 7 month old German Shepard on the other hand growls at my husband if things get to exciting. (Exciting = any noise what so ever) LOL he is very protective of me. Thank goodness the dog hates to jump he has been on our bed a whole 2 times since we have gotten him at 6 weeks old. Now we have to make sure he is not in the room.

  53. Melissa says:

    When my husband and I were first dating, we usually spent the night together at my apt. since I had the queen sized bed. One night we found ourselves at his house and, because we’d been drinking, decided to spend the night. He slept on a twin sized mattress on the floor, no sheets, just a sleeping bag. Drinking or not, I should have read the signs better and gone home. We managed to make it work for awhile…until his dog came over and licked my bare behind! So gross.

  54. Erickajen says:

    Yes. Tho we usually have a shut door. And they are out there meowing. And yes the second we open the door they act like we let a bunch of wounded mice free.

  55. michelle says:

    When I was dating my husband he had a big dog and a studio apartment. Every time we did “it” his dog would put his paw in his metal food bowl and scoot it all over the tile floor. It was so loud, but we got used to it. One time we were just hanging out and he started doing it and we took it as our signal to get it on!

  56. cbelle says:

    One of our cats refuses to leave when my husband and I get frisky. He moves around the bed and keeps getting in our way. It’s like he thinks it’s his job to interfere.

  57. Heather says:

    No pets, but when dh and I start sharing a particularly amorous (kid friendly) embrace, our little guy has a high daily affection quota and is equipped with “love radar.” He *has* to get in on the action lol Which is adorable as it is awkward…

  58. Kristen M says:

    We had a dog for 15 years. He was my first baby. He didn’t like us having sex at all! He had to be forced off the bed and then immediately got back up and laid next to me after. We thought maybe he thought my husband was hurting me?

  59. Lisa says:

    My cats are exactly the same as yours.

  60. Sara Gibson says:

    We used to have a creepy dog that would literally eat my panties while my husband and I were “busy.” Seriously, if I left them on the floor, he would immediately grab them and start chewing on them. He ruined my favourite pair! And he only did it when we were having sex, so it’s almost like he knew it was related. We were sure to lock him out of our room after a few times like that!

  61. Steph says:

    I wish my cats were like tht like. My youngest brat-cat hops up and gets in the middle ALL the time. Push him away (mood dying); and start up again. Back he comes. Until I yell at him to bugger off. Then he leaves, but appears immediately afterwards for attention lol. However, our oldest doesn’t even come in the room until long after hehe.

  62. Aniesha says:

    We snuck away for a lil snuggle time in the daytime last week, however I must not have realised how vocal I got, coz our 2 yr old came and knocked on the door and shouted “What happened Mummy?!” lol. We only have a cat, but she definitely wants in on whatever’s happening. She’ll start licking us or wanting cuddles, or just sits there and “observes”. Creeps me out!

  63. Shannon says:

    We too have a nervous ninny of a dog…after 14 years, this brittany spaniel still has great timing…we were enjoying a nooner, hubby on top and all of the sudden just as things were about to be THERE for me…he SCREAMS like a schoolgirl and flies across the room…dog standing happy on the bed while hubby was rubbing his booty where the big wet nose was implanted seconds before. I couldn’t stop laughing when he said “No, you don’t understand, her nose got PENETRATION…” BWAHAHAHAHA

  64. Kate says:

    Not married, but the last guy I was seeing had a dog. We snuck up to the bedroom, leaving the tv on in the living room and everything, so that she wouldn’t notice. Not only did she notice we were gone and come upstairs midway through, but she must have thought he was at risk, because she started barking and jumped into bed with us!

  65. Not saying says:

    Our dog is a pervert.
    she watches, licks herself, and moans.
    She’s always been this way and she’s 12 now.
    it’s pretty disturbing. Even after years of it.

  66. Heddy says:

    This post just makes me very happy & reassured of our reasons NOT to have animals in our home.
    CrappyInfant in the works? 😉

  67. Naomi says:

    I laughed and this and so many of the comments!!

    If the urge strikes us when we are already in bed and the dogs have taken up their nightly positions of one on the floor and one on the bed, the one on the bed will sigh LOUDLY, give us a withering look and take herself off to the lounge and sulk out there.

  68. cathy says:

    Our cat has NO issues with jumping on the bed “during” and inquiring how to provide medical aid and assistance…

  69. Lana says:

    mmmhhhmmmm.. we have pets, and kids… and we just somehow manage to avoid them all.. cats outside.. dog in laundry.. all other animals are outdoor only pets like chickens and horses.. kids asleep.. loads to check off but we manage. you do seem to have polite cats.

  70. Fern says:

    My favorite part was the fact that you didn’t realize how polite the cats were until you got the dog. My youngest used to think our cat was a real pain in the but until we got a dog. Now when he sees her he greets her like a long lost lover. “Kitty!!!!”

    And yes, if she gets the chance the dog will lick my husband’s feet when we are having sex.

  71. Nele says:

    love this post – babydaughters are terrible too. She manages to cry everytime my beloved hubby gives me The Look! Sigh
    Greetings from belgium

  72. Cheryl S. says:

    My ridiculous 90 pound dog wants to be INVOLVED. He thinks we’re playing and he’s missing out! If we try to throw him out of the room, he barks, waking up the kiddo. Yeah. My sex life is basically non existent at this point!

  73. Kate W says:

    Oh my dog is AWFUL about this! Whenever we hug, cuddle, or kiss, Dennis is like “Hey! What are we doing? This involves me right? Can I get kisses too? I love you guys!” He’ll jump on us,climb on us, lick us in the face, and wag his tail like this is the greatest thing to EVER happen to him! And when we do manage to become intimate without Dennis around, it is because he’s hiding under the bed and he doesn’t come out until you convince him it is safe for him to.

  74. Don Powell says:

    As long as it is not wild monkey sex, then the younger dog wants to see what fun game we are playing, they are all good about jumping off the bed and laying down at a respectful distance.

    Cats and dogs… Or course the cats are closer to kittens and they do sometimes want to attach the moving parts under the sheets. Luckily they have mostly grown out of that.

  75. nicole says:

    Our dogs do the loud sighs and withering looks like we are disturbing their sleep. The cat jumps out of bed as soon as things start and returns the moment we are done. I think she is just annoyed the bed is shaking.

  76. Nooped says:

    My housemate’s dog would bark at every stranger who visited our house. However the first time I brought my girlfriend (now wife) to the house he acted like he had known her for as long as I had “known” her. As if to say: “Oh you.” We were both biologists and got a good laugh out of it.

  77. Cees says:

    Cat is a prude. The only time in the past 10 years we tried to have an afternoon romp (two oldest were out, smallest was napping), she ran off and deliberately woke the smallest. Deliberately. She never goes into the smallest’s room. At night, she will simply leave in disgust, but if she thinks we’ve been up to anything but the “short version” she will come back to the door and meow and scratch.

  78. Mrs git says:

    Love Koby! Our girl cat loves condoms. So we have a special one for her to play, with TED wirrten on it, and she has a good play outside while we’re inside the bedroom. The other one just slumps depressed on the floor. But he is polite.

    When we lived in a little flat some years back through, shutting her out, meant that she was playing in the tiny entrance area, which had a door out onto a communal hall. We were completely mortified to discover one day that she had posted this shiny square packet under the front door and out into the hall. Which explained the sniggers and guffaws that we could hear from time to time that morning. Especially since Mrs Git’s first name is not Ted.

  79. Sarah says:

    This made me laugh out loud and wake the hubby snoozing next to me…not sure if he appreciated me then having to re-read it to him while laughing even more. We do have a polite yet creepy cat.

  80. Chelsea says:

    We make sure our cat is out of the room when we have sex. He likes to just sit there and stare at us. He’s kind of a creep. Haha.

  81. Audrey says:

    Our cat is not polite. He is a needy little turd who likes to snuggle with his humans when we’re in bed, and it seems it is difficult for him to find a comfortable snuggling spot when we keep moving around, so he needs to climb all over us trying to get situated. Eventually he will give up on snuggling on top of us and will settle for a spot immediately beside us, meaning we have to be mindful that we don’t roll on top of him in the middle of things, which is really not what I want to be giving my attention to such a time. There he will proceed to clean himself, but a sometimes he decides to be helpful and clean us too, and we are not actually appreciative of this type of assistance in these types of moments, so that gets him shut out of the room.

  82. Hannah says:

    Our dog gets excited because he thinks we’ve just started a wrestling game and wants to be a part of it. However, sometimes he’ll be sleeping in the corner of the livingroom and we’ll forget he’s there. When we’re done, we look over, and he’s just lying there staring at us.

  83. Carol says:

    You want creepy? One of our kitties used to sit on the bed during and purr like crazy. We would push her off the bed and she’d come right back and purr again. Maybe she thought she was being a cheerleader? I’m not sure.

  84. connie says:

    lol! love it. no experience with dogs but my cats def have done that. tho one was a bit more willing to get up on the action. they must like sex the. energy.

  85. Nadia says:

    OMG, it is exactly the opposite for us. TWO of our four cats are such voyeurs!!! We always have to kick them off the bed and they will even jump back up during. The rocking and shaking doesn’t seem to bother them. . . in fact, perhaps the like it? Very weird. The dog, on the other hand, can’t be bothered.

  86. Ronnie Peace says:

    My dogs have a foot fetish. And they only choose to act on it midway through the wife and I’s actions.

  87. mijjones says:

    what’s sex?