‘Tis the season to watch Christmas movies.
Remember when Charlie Brown, Rudolph, The Grinch and Frosty were on TV when we were kids and it was the one and only chance to see them? It was a special family event! It was so exciting!
It isn’t like that anymore. Now we have the DVDs.
I try to keep it “special” by only putting them on in December. Rudolph is not allowed in July. Still, I’m not quite sure it qualifies as a “special family event” if they binge on them from December 1st-25th.
Anyway, we decide to watch Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer. You know, the claymation one from 1964? I love this one.
Sure, Santa is an asshole. Rudolph’s dad is an asshole. And the coach is a huge asshole. But that is all part of the story. “Right? Right.”
I’ve always loved the part about the misfit toys on the island. You remember these guys?
They all have something “wrong” with them that makes them misfit toys.
There is a Jack-in-the-box named Charlie. Okay, sure, wrong name, I’ll buy it.
There is an adorable elephant with spots. He has the measles. Contagious. (It must be something horrible like that because he so flippin’ cute otherwise.)
And there is a water pistol that shoots jelly. Now that toy does suck. Imagine the stains.
Then there is a cowboy who rides an ostrich. Weird.
A bird that swims. Also weird.
And a train with square wheels on the caboose. Horrible design flaw.
But what about…
She is adorable. She doesn’t do anything weird. Her “misfitness” is never addressed. As a child I always assumed that she was somehow there as a mistake. She wasn’t really a misfit she was just stuck on an island with a bunch of weirdos. I never really questioned it.
But after his fourth viewing of the year, Crappy Boy questions it:
I tell him that I don’t know.
I ask him what he thinks could be wrong with her.
And Crappy Baby adds:
Then they collapse on the floor laughing until their sides hurt.
Special family event? Success.
The true story of the doll is that she wasn’t in the original script. She was apparently added later and appealed to the girl audience so was given more lines. Arthur Rankin (of creators Rankin/Bass) joked that her problem was psychological. Which could be way more disturbing in a psycho Chucky doll sort of way. Maybe she likes to cut up children and eat them with fava beans. Creepy.
I’m going to choose to believe she is a hermaphrodite* who needs a bath. Nothing wrong with that.
*”Also, Dude, hermaphrodite is not the preferred nomenclature. Intersexual, please.”
I truly didn’t mean to offend anyone with this post. I had no idea that term is considered offensive.