The last blogger in my October Crappy Collaboration* series is Jill, aka Scary Mommy.
She is the last but certainly not the least. Isn’t she the most perfect scary person to hang out with the week of Halloween? Boo! Are you scared? (She is actually really nice and hopefully won’t beat me up for telling you such things.) Do I even need to tell you who she is? I’ve had her (*cough* New York Times Bestselling *cough*) book
*Crappy Collaborations are my way to share some of my favorite, funny parenting writers. They wrote the words, I drew the pictures. See the rest right here.
Here is Jill’s post, with my crappy pictures…
My Proudest Parenting Moment, by Scary Mommy
©2008, Jill Smokler. Images ©2012, Amber Dusick
“Fuck it,” my 4 year old mutters as the little people she is stacking fall like dominoes.
Horrified, I ask:
From friends? The playground? TV? Daddy?
I explain that that is a very bad thing to say and I need to stop as well.
Shit.
————-
Thanks Jill!
Please visit Scary Mommy! You can even pick up your Motherhood Merit Badges while you are there. (I’ve earned all of them.) Or go to her Facebook page and say Boo! Don’t worry, she won’t bite.
My son thinks there is a magical age when you are allowed to say “those words”, when you enter third grade. Why third grade? I have no idea. He was very unhappy when I told him otherwise!
“When you’re old enough to perform the action that the word describes, you’ll be old enough to say the word. Which means when you’re 32.”
Well said, well said! HA HA!
He also has tried to reason with me that if he hears it in a song then it’s ok to say it. We don’t exactly listen to questionable music, but there are a few Toby Keith songs and one Katy Perry song in particular that he thinks validate his point! This is the child who got in trouble at 2 for singing “This Ain’t a Scene This is a Goddam Arms Race” at daycare. 🙂 He’s seven and in 2nd grade now.
The other day my husband and I were in the car, talking away while the radio station was playing. During a lull in the conversation I heard from the back seat our 20 month old singing the chorus to the Nirvana song that was on… one that always makes me cringe when I hear it. “Honey, don’t sing ‘Rape me’!” I yelped. “Don’t sing Nirvana!” my husband corrected 😛 We might be listening only to the Rockabye CDs in the car from now on…
LOL! 😀 I’m a Nirvana fan too. HA HA HA! You made my night!
The whole Fall Out Boy incident caused me to burn myself some new CDs for the car. I taught preschool and preschool music, so I had to do music that I wouldn’t want to hurl if it was stuck in my head at three in the morning. Might I suggest some Laurie Berkner?
They Might Be Giants have some excellent kids’ albums. “No!” and “Here Comes Science” are pretty much all we listen to in the car now!
I like this idea! But what about “shit” then? He’s definitely already doing that…
Hmm. Yes. works better for some words than others. Maybe for this one it should be: “When you’re old enough to have to clean up somebody elses’, then you’re old enough to say this word, angrily, over and over.” Which might also be about at 32.
Again, where’s the “like” button for comments!
I’m from The Netherlands originally where they don’t “bleep” out the bad words in radio songs. So we’re at a light, the car is silent and I turn on the radio. With my then 2.5 yr old in the car who was a very early talker and loves songs we hear: “You sexy Motherfucker”….. Oops, I truned it right off again and just prayed she wouldn’t ask about it.
With us there IS a magical age to say cuss words. With us they’re called “Adult Words” instead of cuss or bad words. When mine was a baby I was panicking what to do when one of the letter-bombs were dropped and the Eureka moment has saved us so much grief!! We figured when you’re old enough to have to pay your own bills and hold your own steady job, you have a reason to cuss, right? So when our son dropped “Sh*t” or another bomb we said “Nope, that’s an adult word. You say kid and everybody words, K?” I am surprised at how well this has worked!! We don’t make it a big deal, and since they are adult words he doesn’t go lecturing or umumuuming adults when their filter slips, or when ours slip. I think there might be something in him knowing he’ll be able to say them someday that satiates him or something, I dunno but I’m just happy as hell that it worked!!!
We have also used this with ‘big kid words’ that we’d rather him not be saying just yet, and this has also worked (Thank God!)
Well, if we need to do the action to say the word, we can all say “Crap” just fine!!
pmsl! My son said ‘shit’ one day when he was about 2. I tried to redirect by saying ‘yes, SHOES, look at your SHOES’. He replied ‘No Mummy, shit’.
I’m awaiting with bated breath for the swearing police to tell us we are bad mummies. lol
I remembered my nephew when he was 2, he said “shit” so I quickly run and asked him what he said he quickly answered “no Auntie I said SHIT-down beside me” So smart!
Even better when you’ve got a toddler who sits on the potty and exclaims, “I’m sitting!” And then sings it, “I’m sitting, I’m sitting, I’m Siiiitiiiiing!”
The difference between “s” and “sh” can be a tricky one.
Maybe he was saying shirt..?
Love it!
I’m reusing my mother’s line: my kids are allowed to swear when they can drive. It is at that point when they really have something worth swearing about, the idiocy of other drivers.
That is a good one, especially since I’m at my worst while driving.
Uh, yeah. Driving is how my kids learned “dumbshit”, “douchebag/douchenozzle/douchecanoe” and “asshat”.
Hahahahaha!
I totally agree!
My son’s first swear word (at 3) was “fucking dammit”, which I also immediately blamed on my husband who is the swearer of the family. It wasn’t until I was in the car with the kids and someone cut me off that my son, from the backseat, repeated what I had apparently just said in the car….in my exact tone. I was totally busted, fucking dammit!
All I have to do is beep the horn in the car and my son lets forth a stream of expletives.. Its like a show of solidarity and I try so hard not to laugh but it is freaking hilarious. He always gets this like low growly tone too that I swear I don’t do!
Kids swearing is hysterically funny.
I also remember my nephew in the car (car seems to be a recurring theme?) when my sister hurt her elbow on the middle compartment thing, leaned forward all concerned and in his sweet little toddlers voice said “oh fucking hell mum are you alright?”
I just about wet my pants.
Hahaha! Oh, I just peed a little. Too funny.
Omg! Everyone is sleeping in the house and I am trying not to laugh like an idiot at this!!! Lmao!
Love this! The worst “potty mouth” around my daughter is her grandma (my mother-in-law)! Haha! We constantly have to tell her to watch her mouth.
Lol agreed only my parents are the Potty Mouths! Lol
Here come the comments about inappropriate language…. Heads up gang- check out the faq page before posting.
My proudest parenting moment was when I dropped my two month old on the plane and when I sent the same kid, older now, to bed during an asthma attack. She’s probably going to start suspecting something!
http://www.momintwocultures.com/2011/06/things-you-should-know-about-me-or-epic.html?m=1
http://www.momintwocultures.com/2012/10/wtf-vermont-curry.html?m=1
inappropriate language is what keeps me coming back. i <3 inappropriate language.
Right?! The word “fuck” just makes everything funnier.
Yes it fucking does!!
Well Shit. The curse weird Crappy was the reason why I was first drawn to this page.
I rarely swear, but when I get really angry I yell “dammit”. And then I had to explain to my little boys that it wasn’t okay for them to say “dammit” when they lost while playing video games.
I had friends in middle school that justified damn being ok by always saying “Beaver’s dam!”
I think that’s worse, lol!
My daughter has totally dropped the “F” bomb – I can’t even pretend to ask her where she learned it. It’s like the anti-drug commercial where the kids yells at his dad – “It was you! I learned it by watching you!”
Yeah. Let’s just avoid that drama. Trying hard to stop saying it!
Kiran
LOL, I thought of those commercials too!
Totally thought of those commercials, too.
I swear in front of my kids (ages 3 and 6) all the time (not *at* them, of course…) and so far, they have maybe said fuck or shit like once each, but I pretended like I didn’t hear and they never did it again. Their favorite words at the moment are fart and diarrhea.
My kids think underwear is the funniest word they’ve ever heard. Guess it could be worse!
LMAO
I can’t stop my husband from cussing, but I wont let my daughter do it. I flat out told her it is not good behavior, and just because he does it does not make it right. She wont say bad words, and while singing Elton John’s Rocket Man, she always looks puzzled, embarrassed and so forth when it comes to the “it’s as cold as hell” line. I explained context to her, and that she is allowed to say the word when referring to the actual place, or during the song. Now she sings it very, very quietly.
My stepson got in trouble for saying fuck at school. His mom fessed up that he learned it from her. So glad it wasn’t at our house! But thinking of it always reminds me of that commercial.
“referring to the actual place” ?!? ha ha ha
Yeah — that gives license for your little one to tell you to “Go to Hell”…
I am a HORRIBLE example for my kids -i rely on the age old “Do as I say, not as I do”… but then, that’s exactly what I’m afraid of! LOL
lol, i thought of that commercial too! I learned all the swear words as a child by riding in the car with my father. Which is probably where my daughter will learn them from me.
I practiced in the car my new swear words for a long time before they became a habit: Fudge, Sugar, and Winnie the Pooh’s favorite…which is a nice way to exhale also:”Oh,Boooother….” I was successful…the youngest two copied these words for years…actually I have never heard the youngest ones say a bad word,yet (they are 22 and 13 years old).I did learn that kids copy Mom the most!!! And it did sound hilarious when they would say primly,”Excuse me, Mother…” in public.My teens would shake their heads and say to me,”That is YOUR fault.”ha ha..I was so Fudging proud!!!
when i slip up i just tell mine that there are grown up words just like their are grown up drinks and grown up activities lol they never second guess it
This is what I tell my kids. It works better than, “We don’t talk like that…” and they reply, “Yes, you do!”
When I say a grown-up word, I tell my children I need to be punished with time-out and I go to my room *YAY*
Very smart Jenny!
That’s inspired!
I love that – I’m totally going to use it.
Best idea ever!
Genius!
Genius!!!
Brilliant!
I may have to steal that one.
Love it! 😉
I try not to refer to that stuff as “grown-up” or “adult.” I want my children to think of using manners and sounding intelligent and classy is how they act “grown-up.” There are things like knives and wine that I say are not for children (though they’ve tried both a tiny bit at very young ages under close supervision). Potty language just isn’t a big deal for me. When I did child care I’d say, bathroom words should be used in the bathroom by yourself with the door closed. I’ve told my daughter that it is important not to use words you don’t fully understand because you could accidentally offend someone, and told her a list of things that a few swear words could be referring to so she saw how complex the usage can be. Seems to work on her. She said “fuck ’em” once when she was two when overhearing her dad on the phone and I had her repeat it to her dad, who had her repeat it to the person he was on the phone with. All of us trying not to laugh. Then we said, OK don’t say that word anymore, and she forgot about it. My boy hasn’t said anything yet, so either we are controlling our tongues well or he’s not paying much attention.
We’ve explained it to our 5 year old son this way….
There are no bad words just inappropriate words. Some are inappropriate for 5 year old’s but not for adults (we didn’t specify an age) and if he’s ever in doubt about what is appropriate of inappropriate for him all he has to do is ask. No punishment for asking, only if he continues to use the word after being informed it is inappropriate.
Mostly we try not to give him any power to shock with words.
This is genius! We don’t hae kids yet but I’ve been trying to figure out how to explain this becuase I will, inevitably, drop one here or there. I love this explaination! I will definitely be using this. Future-mommy high-five!
This reminded me of my dd – her favorite word when she ws in Kindergarten was ‘inappropriate’ – Everything was inappropriate, and she had no qualms about telling you so. She loved more than anything to point it out to you… My biggest problem is in the car in traffic. I have the hardest time watching my potty mouth in the car. Up until she was about 15, she loved to point out to me, “Mommy, there are children in the car! That is so inappropriate!” lol
Love it!
This is Perfect!!!! Awesome!
I love this! Thanks for the idea!
Yep, I told my sons they are more than smart enough to think up better words to use, and that adults only use them when they aren’t thinking. Which, in my experience, is also totally true!
(Also that a lot of people would be upset by hearing those words, and therefore appropriate use is paramount.)
OHmigosh! I LOVE your answer!
Its so not offensive……which is quite difficult to pull off.
“You are smart enough to think up different words to use. People use those words when they are not thinking.”
I LOOOOOOOOVE it!
Mommy to Four…….and still learning!
Thank you!
Truly brilliant. Hubby and I were just wondering today when we’ll have to start checking the language in front of our 8-month-old.
My son thinks that when he is 5 he gets to say naughty words….I finally asked what those naughty words are…..he tells me “buttcrack, what the heck, crap, and crap butt…” PHEW! I was waiting for some of this SM’s colorful language!
That is so funny! That reminds me of the Ramona book where she announced that she was going to say a bad word-and the word was “Guts!” 🙂
My 6 year old thinks “dude” is a bad word for some reason?? I’ve caught her with the occasional ‘shit’ and explained and she understood but she always stears clear of ‘dude’ and tells me I’m bad when I say it. Maybe because I kind of use it as my driving curse word..? Like if someone cuts me off or whatever I say “DUDE!?!?” Maybe that makes it seem bad.
Supposedly the word “dude” is actually a hair on an elephant’s butt. Don’t ask me why I know this or where I know it from. My mind is a vast wasteland of useless information.
Hahahahha…im not a parent but im pretty sure when i have kids their first word will be either ‘fuck’ or ‘deuche’. I’m french, from Boston, turned roadie. I think im going to end up with mini George Carlins. Dammit.
I said “douchebag” in front of my daughter several days ago. I didn’t *mean* to but in my defense, the guy WAS a douchebag. She didn’t completely understand it though because she said “Momma, what’s a ‘juicebag’?”
I’m going to start using that. “That guy who dumped you was a total juicebag!”
Dani, my daughter’s first word at about a year old was “sacrement”, because I told my hubby to stop swearing in English (his first language is French). Didn’t think that through…she used the appropriate context as well! lol
That’s going to be interesting here. We’re billingual, my boyfriend speaks french around the house (since it’s his first language) and me english. I’ve just realized that means we’ll have double the amount of words to watch out for :O Especially since we’re in Quebec and Quebecers love their swear words. I keep telling my boyfriend if he’s not careful our son’s first word is going to be Tabarnac! LOL
Our dilemma is, that English is a foreign language for us, so swearing in English is kind of a part of learning the language, right? 😉
I do teach the boys that yelling Fucking hell! in the middle of playing Minecraft is not culturally appropriate useage. But it is kind of awesome that they can swear eloquently in a foreign language at 10 yo. More grasp of the language than I had at that age. And goes to illustrate the type of vocabulary that motivates learning at that age.
I was 11 or 12 when my mom told my brother and me that such words would offend some people if we let loose in public, but if we really felt the need at home, go nuts. Of course, “shut up” was forbidden, it was too rude. And we were never to use any words to call each other names.
Sounds like my up-bringing. We explain to our kids that there are no bad or naughty words, just inappropriate words.
Weird, same rules in our house. I tried to explain to someone else why we ignore “cuss” words and give out punishment for the use of shut up…they didn’t quite get it. Also, name calling is forbidden in any way. I have three kids, so the name calling is a big one.
Even mommas who don’t curse have those moments. Things you don’t like that you say but then they REALLY sound bad when it comes out of your kid’s mouth. The other night my DH said, “This sucks.” Then DS (3 years old) copied him, “Daddy, this sucks.” :/
The word ‘stupid’ is one I use(d) frequently but when you hear it come out of a 3 year old mouth, it sounds like a curse word – alot! So, we dont say that anymore, or shut-up.
Yes, I’ve now had to explain to my 3 year old that the word ‘fuck’ is only to be used while driving. Hilarious!
Good one! I think I might use this…
My oldest thought her full name was God Dammit Angela for years. Oops.
My youngest will grow up thinking his name is DAMNITRONAN! He’s much more of a handful than his older brother ever thought of being…
Oh, that’s absolutely terrible! But you just made me laugh/gasp/choke! 🙂
LOL!
There’s a Bill Cosby routine about that… He and his brother thought their names were “Goddammit” and “Jesus Christ”.
My little lady is only 15 months and I swear (lol) that she can say fuck! My OH thinks so to but I just pass it off as duck. She’s never seen a duck before :/
We caught my daughter saying “fuck” when she was very young, 2 or so. When she started adding descriptive words like “green fuck” we finally figured out she was actually saying “frog”.
Hahaha this happens to us all the time. We’re always like, OMG what did she just say?! And then she shows us something and we’re like ooooh, THAT’S what she said. Phew!
My oldest used to pronounce ‘truck’ as something very, very close to ‘dick’. So when we leased a truck while on vacation, he very proudly told our sweet elderly neighbours all about ‘Daddy’s big dick’… Oh dear.
My dad drove a blue truck when I was little, and apparently I loved talking about “Daddy’s big bwoo fwuck.”
And my oldest, now 7, used to love watching Shrek. When she was 2, one of our favorite things for her to say was “Lord Farquaad,” because it sounded exactly like “Lord Fuckwad.” 😀
My kids drop the occasional swear. When my littlest got her last shots, she patted her leg, looked at the nurse and said “Da f*ck?”
That seems appropriate to me!
i was just saying that to my mom. i’d be like “good use of that word, now apologize” hahahah
Yeah I would say she used it appropriately. : )
Dammit, I’m trying to eat lunch and I choked! That’s hilarious!
Agreed, completely appropriate usage. Even funnier the younger they are!
I’m pregnant and this comment just made me pee my pants. Thank you.
So appropriate!
I got a text at work from my childcare provider, (who is also one of my best friends), saying “so who else in your house says ‘for fucks sake!’ besides the 3 year old? Apparently he had got himself tangled up in the tricycle and muttered it under his breath (much like I do). At least I know where he gets it from and am proud that he’s using it in context. 🙂
LOL, my friend got a call from his daycare, they told him that his son had called someone an ass hole. The first words out of my friends mouth “Well, were they being an ass hole??” I dont think the daycare lady was amused. 🙂
LOL, I love it! You nailed the pictures of Jill by the way, love her hair and facial expressions!
One day while standing in the grocery store, my then 6-year-old twins start talking about words you’re not allowed to say. “You can’t say the F word.” “No, and you can say the S word either!” I was quite concerned but trying to stay no-big-deal calm when I heard, “Oh, and don’t forget the other F word!” OK, now I’ve GOT to know what they’re talking about. “Mom! We can’t say those words!” I had them whisper the words to me just in case. I discovered that the F word was “fart”, the S word was “stupid”, and the other F word was “fool”. So glad I asked.
My wife scolded (yes scolded me) the other night about saying douche bag in the car with The Boy in the back of the car. She insisted that I wasn’t trying to “watch my language”.
Within two minutes later a bunch of deer were standing by the side of the road with a look of suicidal intent in their eye and my loving wife says, “Fucking Deer.” I just give her a look of disapproval. The she says, “Shit…Damnit…Crap!”
Rarely, does she goof up on my level of goof up but when she does it is worth it…
This is my favorite 🙂
My husband called the dog a ‘Dumb F*ck’ this morning only to be instantly copied by our 2yo… He already has dumb sh*t down (also thanks to my husband). Ofcourse the more I tell him he can’t say it, the more he does. I guess all I can do is ignore it for now and hope he doesn’t bust it out at any upcoming holiday events!
When my daughter was 18 months, our cat Gracie jumped on the bed and scared her. So she yells at her, “Dammit Gracie!!” I about died.
My recent favorite was my daughter (3 going on 13) while using the Swiffer mop: “Be careful walking on this wet floor – you might fall and bust your ass.” Three adults in the room tried really hard not to laugh. We failed.
Oh! Perfect!
Best set of comments ever, I’ve been slowly going from giggles to LOLs as I read down, and that’s not just to do with the cocktails I just had for our 8th anniversary tonight 😉
Definitely been there with a few of the stories, I so remember turning round in horror when my eldest aged 2 shouted fuck only to see him innocently holding a toy frog.
But the funniest is when they mimic perfectly the adult they are copying. My nephew was naughtily pinging open my parents Microwave door then slamming it shut. He’d already been told not to but at about 3 years old couldn’t resist. As his hand hovered over it, my mother shot him her best disapproving grandma look. He then said in exactly her voice “Stop it, child!”
It had us in fits for ages.
(Fyi my mum is old school Brit so says things like that whilst being the most maternal person your likely to meet)
LOL!! My favorite word is Shit. I know not very classy. Well, my 4yr knows how to use it when needed as well!
I clicked over to the Motherhood Merit Badges you linked to and I love it so much! So funny! Thanks for sharing Scary Mommy with me, I’m loving her blog so far and added her to my reader.
i treat this like drinking, you may try it a few times before you are of age…but im going to teach when and where and who to say it to, so that you dont get into too much trouble when you are finally of age. like the lady in the car that just cut you off. she cant hear you… but DO NOT say it to the lady going to the same church parking lot as you when you both have windows down…. 😀 and dont let me hear you say it. haha oh hell, they’re gonna cuss at some point. why not teach them to do intelligently!
The other day, while walking my 7 yo and 5 yo to the van after ballet, my 5 yo asked “Mom, what’s the F word?” And I have this no-lying-to-direct-questions thing, so even though we were in a semi-public place, so I said, “Well, um, fuck.” Thought it would be left at that, but then my 7 yo asked, “Mom, what does the F word mean?” And I shut the van door, walked around to the driver’s seat, and turned on the radio! 🙂
My oldest once told me a “damn it” is when you drop something. My 2 year old told her blocks “kick your ass” when they fell over. She also learned “oh shit” after a sudden stop in the car and now says it every time the car stops a little too fast for her taste. I am waiting for the day she can understand the concept of grownup words, as we call them at my house.
It’s no thanks to me, but my 26MO calls her socks “cocks.” She looses a sock & runs around with her hands in the air saying “MY COCK! WHERE’S MY COCK?!” over & over…
loses*
My son, when he was 2, couldn’t pronounce the word “chocolate” correctly. Imagine my horror in the grocery store when we passed by a display of chocolate cereal and didn’t buy any, and my wonderful child shouts “MOMMY! YOU FORGOT MY COCK-COCK!”
thats funny liz. my niece used to drink chocolate milk before bedtime but when she was 2 she couldn’t say milk at all and would say cock for chocolate. i figured out what she meant when she stayed with me, but when she stayed at grandma’s house it’s a good thing i was there to explain when she kept asking for “night night cock” until she was crying.
my 4 yr old son tickled me a couple of months back. the dog was traveling w/ us & proceeds to jump from the backseat to the front. he tells her “dammit dog, get in the back” (courtesy of his daddy), i explained that he didn’t need to use that language w/ the dog & he informed me he no longer would…… once we’d dropped her off at my mom & dad’s… *SIGH* gotta love him! 😀
I once saw a comic where a mom was on the phone and the school was telling her that her son said the “fuck” word there. She was like – HE SAID WHAT?! I’ll talk to him. End scene is her down at his level looking at him – “Dude – What the fuck?!”
LMAO. It made me howl, but freak out, cause I’m POSITIVE my son is holding back with talking not only because he looks at the rest of us and thinks – “If I’m growing into one of these hairless apes, I’m doing it silently dammit!” – and his first word is going to be douchebag. Guaranteed. *shakes head*
*accepts worst mom of the year award*
Katrina,
I admit, I am totally that mom in that comic…I would so do this. I fully admit I have a terrible potty mouth. (My mom says I talk like a sailor.) My son (who is 4 now) went through a “god dammit” phase, where he thought it was hilarious to say and try as I might the only thing that got him to stop was ignoring him. I have to say his preschool is awesome. For the past year anytime me or my husband swears he says “don’t say that” – he knows it’s bad…wondering how long that will last and he decides to use those words.
Katrina – that comic is one of my favorites! It’s hung on my fridge. My husband says that’s totally me and I don’t disagree.
Here’s the link to the original: http://www.channelate.com/2012/02/10/the-f-word/
His other stuff is pretty funny too.
We were both amused and horrified the first time we heard our then 3 year old use “damn it!!” in the proper context. I had to leave the room because I was laughing so hard. DH had the awful job of telling her that we shouldn’t use that kind of language…*sigh* Parenting = hypocrisy, over and over and over 😀
When my son was a baby and my daughter was about 4 we were heading out and my son was crying because he wanted his soother. I had been searching frantically for it and his big sister turns to him and says, “Chase, find your own f*ckin’ soo-soo!” I was completely mortified, trying not to laugh my ass off and proud of my little girl for using it in the correct context 😉
My oldest daughter was about 4yo & sitting in my lap one day while I read an instant msg from a friend who was having a very bad day. She asked me what was wrong. I explained about my friend’s bad day. With wide eyes she said, “Oh, that’s some sh*t!” Shocked, I asked, “What did you just say?” While smiling she decided to show her proficiency in the use of swearing combos & replied, “Wow. That’s some f*cked up sh*t!” I quickly explained that some words were “adult words” and completely off limits for her. I felt like the worst mom ever for the rest of the day.
It is still funny.
This reminds me a bit of when my first grade daughter was complaining that a boy in her class was saying bad words, like the “S” word. I asked her if she could tell me what the word was. She leaned up close and whispered, “stupid.” I couldn’t keep from giggling!
Hahaha!
When my baby, Tucker, was 2 he LOVED trucks. Everywhere we went, when he saw a truck he would scream with delight, “Fwuck!” Sometimes it was straight up fuck. We of course would laugh even though none of my kids had any idea what we were all laughing about.
At the time, my son Josh was 4. He’s hearing impaired, so he doesn’t always say things the right way either. On the way to school one day, Tucker was pointing out trucks as usual. Josh had finally had enough and told Tucker, “No Cocker, its a twuck, not a fuck!” I nearly drove off the road laughing 🙂
My step-daughter (at the time was 16-she’s 17 now)… calls herself a bitch all the time-well one day she was being a bit mean to my son and she walked by him and he said you are a bitch…. In a way I almost applauded him- because how she was treating him but in a horrified mother way-of course-I told him you can’t say words like that and especially not call anyone that…..
When my son was about 4 we were in the car and I hit this massive pot hole. On reflex I shouted “SHIT!” On the way home I hit the exact same damn pot hole and from the back seat I hear a tiny “SHIT!” It was too hysterical not to laugh. 😀
Yep, I don’t know WHAT I was thinking, but there I was sitting at the dining table surrounded by my family, biggest DD was decorating halloween cupcakes, DD6 was watching, DD5 siting next to me. DH comes in, sits down, I happily opened fb and clicked on the link there… I scroll down, and, thinking, “Yay!! 2 of my absolute favourite bloggers collaborating, I CAN’T WAIT!” (what was I thinking?! I KNOW DD5 loves to read!!) next thing, she says, “Mama, does that say “fook it”, or “fuck it”? ”
“Eerrr, yes, gosh, that says, um, “fook it”! ”
Cue myself, DH and DD12 collapsing into fits of unstoppable laughter.
Oh well, it would be nice if she thinks nothing of it, but I fear I may be re-visiting some of the advice other mamas have to offer, here, in the near future!
When my son was two, he was at my parents house while I was working. When I picked him up after work, my dad pulled me aside and said “you need to watch what you say around your son, he called your mother an a**hole.”
That’s hilarious!
LOL!! OMG, this made me snort!
Just the other day my five-year-old was saying lots of made-up words and asking me if they were “bad words.” For example, “Mama, is gooka a bad word?” I kept telling him no until he got to “fuckle” when I said it’s probably not the nicest thing to say. He then says, “hmmmm, I wonder why… Probably because it has the word fuck in it.”
I stubbed my toe really hard and yelled “Son of a….” before catching my language in front of the kids. My 2 year old chirped up with “You forgot to say Bitch mommy”. Oh sigh….
Awwww… what a helpful child 🙂
When my son was 2, he couldn’t pronounce the word “breadstick”, it came out “Dick-dick”. 4 years later, whenever I text my hubby to pick up pizza, I still type “pizza and dick-dicks”.
At the ripe old age of 33 I may have used the f-word infront of my Aunty the other day (I was upset) but I am still scared about it! My son (not quite 3) used it infront of my mum – and said his dad taught him – that relationship is strained already! so I was quite happy when my son came out with shit after my mum said it. I am a seasoned swearer – I actually really like swearing. I think it will be more about teaching my son when he can or can’t use it (ie, not at preschool!) than trying to stop him (or me!)
If it makes you feel any better Katrina, my daughters first phrase at the age of 10 months was “Oh shit.” after she had dropped something. In front of a pastor. My reaction? “Oh shit. Oh. Shit.” At 7 she is well versed in cursing out cars that dont stop for her in the cross walk, and just a couple weeks ago my husband took her and my 18 month old to the store by himself (its a first) and he put the two of them in the back of the carriage. Some lady almost hit the carriage and proceeded to give my husband all kinds of attitude. Her husband was kind tho… but as that couple was walking away my daughter said “That lady was a bitch daddy! Why would that guy marry a bitch?”
Wanna share the award?
My friend learned to censor herself after she didn’t accelerate quickly enough when a traffic light turned green, earning a honk from the car behind her … and her toddler son responded by yelling at her, from his car seat, “Move it, asshole!”
Hysterical
ohmigosh! I could die laughing! I can REALLY picture this!!!
One time when my son was about 2 or 3, my sister was trying to get him into his car seat and she was having trouble getting it buckled. She was shaking the seat quite a bit, so all of a sudden my son says “Stop jiggling my fucking seat!” We about died. I’d like to blame that one on my husband, but nope, mother of the year right here…
Thank you all for the post, the stories, and the management suggestions! I think I’ll bookmark this for future reference…
The worst one of my boys has said happened at the worst possible time…a birthday party full of people. My youngest was 1.5, and it was my 3-year-old’s birthday party. They were both obsessed with Thomas the Tank Engine. My youngest loves the color green, and Percy his absolute favorite. Earlier that day, the boys had played outside with their engines and the toys had gotten filthy. During the party, my youngest wanted his Percy. I told him he couldn’t have it right then because it was dirty. In typical 18-month-old fashion, he threw himself on the floor and screamed loudly, “BUT I LOVE MY DIRTY PUSSY!” I’ll never forget the looks that were thrown our way.
I think I’m more amazed that your 18m old could say a full sentence… mine says buh bye. LOL
I use to be a huge, every other sentence curser before having kids. I hate seeing kids curse especially at such young ages so I stopped and use words in place. so pretty soon I’m sure my 3 year old will say fudgesicle in place of fuck or son of a nut cracker or d bag I still say that lol.
My 3 yr old DD has the mouth of a sailor. I never had a problem with her sister who is 10. The other day Sophia (3yr old) came up to me and said “daddy is pissing me off”. And one time she called my oldest a freaking fuck…. It amazes me how they know to use it in the right context. Also when my oldest was six she called me a queef (thanks to my potty mouth sister) I couldn’t stop laughing because then she asked what that meant. That’s a hard one to explain!
We ignore when it when our kids (5 and 4) swear, as long as it’s contextually appropriate and not directed at another person (e.g.: “shit” muttered if they’re frustrated doing a puzzle, etc.). They get in more trouble for calling each other stupid/ugly/buttheads than if they drop the f-bomb when the dog knocks over their block tower. It works pretty well, except when they hold me accountable when I drive (“it’s not nice to call that man a shit-head mom”) 🙂
Yesterday while watching the World Series my husband got animated about a play and yelled out “Fuck!” Our two year old ran over to him and said definitively “We don’t say Fuck!” *dying laughing*
‘ Square words’ as they are called in our house are often heard when the kids mimic daddy. I’m glad they think stupid and shut up are ‘square words’ not looking forward to them learning some real square words!
That is cute! I prefer that term to the actual one. Words you use when you want to “square-up” on some one (rants from mommyland)
Hahahahahahahahaha, I love this so much :). Once when my daughter was just under two years old, we were in the kitchen and something startled me. I jumped and gasped and she shouted from her high chair “What the Fuck!!” My mouth dropped open and she clapped her little hand over her mouth and started to cry. I had to bite the insides of my cheeks to keep from laughing. I have never before or since heard a toddler cuss with such perfect inflection and timing. After that we were all a little more careful with our “grown up words”.
If you are looking for a way to stop cursing in the house, consider a swear jar. Make it an expensive offense or no one will take it seriously. Agree as a family on a donation to make when you fill the jar (don’t reward yourselves for bad behavior with a pizza party). Maybe it will curb the F bombs from being dropped if someone has to pony up a couple bucks a day for the pleasure of dropping them!
At work, once upon a time, there was a swear jar assiduously enforced by a very well brought up, friendly colleague.
It was donated to charity. The following year, someone stumped up with $50 in advance 🙂
I’m not going to rant about this blog being inappropriate, I love to read it, I usually just ignore the cussing. But had to comment on the general idea about kids and cussing- In my opinion it’s not any better for an adult to cuss than a child, so I’d just suggest setting an example you’d want your kid to follow instead of ” when you’re a grown-up you can use that word! “
My husband was so ashamed when he said the following to me over breakfast: “Umm. I’m not sure how to say this…..Camille (3 yrs) saw a worm on the sidewalk….and she said it “looks like a dick.” I just stared at him for about 15 seconds, and said “Camille, does the worm look like a stick?” “yes, mommy—i saw wohm owside and it look like-a dick!” I’ve never seen him look so relieved in his LIFE!
Mr. 2 was playing at my friends house one day and while we were chatting I suddenly heard ‘fucking whore’
I looked at him and said ‘that’s a bad word, do not say it anymore!’
He looked at me rather confused and repeated himself. I told him off again, after a few repeats I was getting pretty upset with him and he got up, stomped over to the TV where thomas the tank engine was playing, pointed at the fat controller and yelled ‘FUCKING WHORE!!!!’ my friend and I pissed ourselves laughing. It’s not swearing when you’re trying to say a word properly and it comes out wrong…. Now at 3 it’s more like ‘fackintrawler’, much more acceptable 🙂
I call them transport words and now if I swear in the car my 2 year old asks “where the ship mummy ?” or “where fire truck?”. I tell him I must have been mistaken, I thought I saw something. It will stop working soon but I hope to have my mouth under control by then 😉
When my brother was about 3 his tantrums consisted of him saying the word fuck in any manner and combination…
“You fucking fuck, fuckers, fucking fucking”
Have loved reading the comments, they’ve been SO funny!
My kids swear sometimes, and so do I. They’re just words, really.
I feel like there’s worse things to get bent outta shape about than the 5yo saying “Shit!” when she stubs her toe. 🙂
Ahhhhh … you know how some people say “son of a biscuit” and other cutesy stuff like that … well I always said “son of a beaver!” … never even occured to me what beaver was an alternative word for … until my own mother pointed out that I was making the phrase exponentially worse by my substitution … eh. I tried.
My DD couldn’t say the word “jello” until she was nearly three. Pushing the shopping cart through the store with a furious child screaming “I want y dildo mommy” at the top of her lungs made for some fantastic looks from other shoppers. Oh the joys of parenthood!
I’m laughing at all these stories because they’re making me feel so much better. Last week while trying to chase our new bunny out from round the back of the house I said, “come on, you bugger.” Then my angelic little 2.5yo ran after it yelling, “Bugger! Bugger! Bugger!” I tried explaining that his name was Peanut, but she said, “No! Bugger!” Argh!
I’m surprised she hasn’t learned worse from me yet to be honest, as I’m terrible when driving. I’m trying to be better, and when I remember Cockerspaniels can be very satisfying to say…
My son had an infatuation with Thomas the train at 2, and he would constantly talk about his ‘favorite pussy’…pussy is percy the train..thankfully that cleared up by 3
At two we’ve so far only had once-off’s of damnit, fuck, and shit.
Instead we get (when we mess up) – “Language!”
Totally agree about the difference between swearing and name-calling. We’re trying to break down his habit of yelling “MUMMY/DADDY GO AWAY!” when angry (with a little shove). It’s the tone more than anything.
*him shoving us
I have really struggled with this because for years home was my outlet for cursing since cursing at work is NOT OK. Since the kids were born that outlet has been cut off.
Now sometimes I just sit in my car between preschool and work and curse out loud to nobody for a few minutes. Being a Mom has truly turned me looney tunes.
Me too and I have done this….
I was at the supermarket with Miss 3 & Miss 18 months. A lovely older gentleman (~70 yo) came up to the girls to say hello. As he walked away, Miss 3 said very loudly “he’s a boy mummy because he has a penis. He doesn’t have a vagina.” The poor man went bright red & didn’t know where to look 😉
We have a 3year old and 22month old. Not to long ago I was really angry at my 45year old (husband) and used a word in front of them that I should not of. Said word is now very popular among my younger ones. They go around calling each other, the tv, their toys, their dad and just about anything that makes them unhappy the naughty word. Oh cra*p…..
i try to watch my language around my toddler. she catches on quick. she said shit around 8 months, one time called me crazy ass around 13 months, and has tried to say god dammit but she cant pronounce it right she says goddaddit. i’m trying to be careful around her. it was funny the first time she said shit but after that it’s just like no baby don’t say that. I don’t want her to get in trouble for repeating things I say. i’ve found new replacement words to use when im able to think before i say stuff. popcorn instead of fuckin, fudge instead of fuck, shed instead of shit.
My niece said “oh shit” in front of my mom, who then told her that wasn’t a good word to say. She tried justifying herself by saying she only said it because “I dropped my toy”.
She also started screaming ‘Jackass’ in the car with me and my sister after my sister yelled it at someone. Then asked us “What’s a jackass?”
When my son was about 18m old he heard Daddy shout “Fuck’s sake!” in the car (driving makes both of us swear terribly). He gleefully repeated it and Daddy ingeniously told him he was saying it wrong – it was in fact pronounced “For cake!”. Good save! “For cake!” became an expression of frustration in our house for a long while. My son also used to shout “Pump!” angrily whenever he got cross or frustrated – no idea where he got that one from, but it was absolutely hilarious!
Now they are 4 and 8, whenever they come out with something inappropriate (and luckily it’s never worse than damn or bloody) we tell them “that’s one of Grandad’s words” and they instantly stop using it. Not entirely sure why this works, but it does. Grandad is always the source of the rude words just in case anyone feels sorry for him!
Once when cut off in traffic I called the guy in front of me an asshole…and promptly told my son I had said casserole. So now even my husband uses it!
oh that’s a good one.
We’ve tried to convince my girls that we said “jump-ship” instead of “dumbshit” but I had a sneaky feeling that our 4 yr old is on to us.
I am the cusser in my house and i truly cuss like a sailor.. sometimes its really hard to stop once u have started.
When my daughter was 2 she fell down the stairs and landed on her rear end and yelled extremely loudly.. ow my ass hurts (in her two yr old cute small voice).. i about died as my MIL and FIL were in town.
After that we went to visit them and they have a fish pond out back and my 2 yr old went out there and said .. NANA LOOK A BISH.. she thought she said the b word but low and behold it was fish lol.
Yea lol
My son learned his first swear word (and among one of his first words) from my sister. After a night away with aunty he came home saying “Oh Shit” to everything! Luckily we have managed to change it to “Oh shucks” or “Oh shoot”…but once in a while he’ll slip…so wrong coming from the mouth of an 18m old!
Ah the joys of being a bilingual family … all sware words in our house are in Mongolian so no one will realize what it is our DS is saying if he does pick up any ^______^
(Although it might become awkward when we go back to visit the family in Mongolia, but we will deal with that when the time comes!)
My “inappropriate” word is JESUS CHRIST.
For example: I tell Annie to stop dancing because she’s going to slip. She doesn’t stop. She slips and bangs her knee and starts wailing. Instead of being a nice mommy and worrying about her, I screech, “JESUS CHRIST Annie, I TOLD YOU to stop dancing!!!!”
I am surprised my kids don’t think their full names are Jesus Christ Annie and Jesus Christ Gracie.
I am the queen of the F word. I used to give my old boss the finger all the time, as a gesture of affection. So did my kids. Why not?
My favorite t-shirt of all time –
Fuck you you fucking Fuck.
I love Crappy Collaborations! This story reminds me of the first time my daughter said “f**k.” It was my fault too.
LOL. This made me laugh so hard.
My 2 yr old can’t say the “er” sound very well and every time he said the name “Percy” from Thomas the Train we had to work really hard not to laugh/freak out. It sounded a lot like a word that rhymes with wussy. hahaha
I’m months late to this party but I just had to share a moment I remember from my own childhood. I was in the bathtub and my mom (23 ish, I was 3 or 4) said something about swear words, I can’t remember what exactly. I told her “I know what swear words are.” and she said oh really?” and I said, “Yeah! Shit, damn, hell, ass…” I remember my mom’s face turning white, her cutting me off frantically before I could get to the really good ones, “OK OK THAT’S ENOUGH I BELIEVE YOU! Don’t ever say those words, especially not around other people!”
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