Next up in my October Crappy Collaboration* series is Gina, aka The Feminist Breeder.
You might remember her from when I guest posted on her site about being famous ages ago. Or you might know her from when she live-blogged her daughter’s birth to 18,000 people. (Hello, amazing much?) So she pretty much doesn’t need this introduction. Behind the scenes of this blog she has been incredibly helpful, giving me advice about everything from advertising to hiring tech support. So I’ll always be grateful. (And no, her blog doesn’t solely focus on parenting humor like the others I’ve featured this month. But I made an exception because I can. So there.)
*Crappy Collaborations are my way to share some of my favorite parenting writers. They wrote the words, I drew the pictures. See the rest right here.
Here is Gina’s post, with my crappy pictures…
The Pre-Schooler’s Guide to Picking Up Women, by The Feminist Breeder
©2011, The Feminist Breeder. Images ©2012, Amber Dusick
File this one under: “Kids Say the Darndest Things.”
Monday night, we were eating a ridiculously delicious turkey chili that I made from a recipe my friend gave me. My darling friend made us several containers when we had the baby, and I was defrosting it and eating it for every meal possible because I just couldn’t get enough. I’m not much of a cook, but I followed her recipe and whipped up a batch that was a close second to hers.
Of course, despite how delicious it was, Jonas needed me to give him reasons why he should eat it. This is how nearly every meal plays out. I give him something yummy, he takes one bite, and declares that he’s full. Then, I explain how healthy the meal is, and that it will make him grow up big and strong. Only then will he consider eating a few more bites. He loves talking about how he’s going to be super strong one day, and he’s especially excited about being an “adult.” He even loves using the words protein, antioxidants, and organic, though, not always in the correct context.
So, I started to explain how the chili contained lots of beans, and those beans contained lots of protein that could help him grow. Here’s where the hilarity ensues:
“When you grow up, I’m sure you can pick up a couch.”
“Hey Dad, how old were you when you started picking up women?”
Hyphenated Husband’s Mom:
(Daddy pleads the 5th.)
(fighting back laughter)
And once again, the adults get a good chuckle at the kid’s expense. Meanwhile, the child has no idea why we’re laughing so hard at this. One day, he’ll figure it out.