The other night I heard something about the 2012 Grammys coming up. That isn't important information. But it did give me the idea for this post…
I am a parent, so I'm living the life of a rock star. If you are a parent you are probably just like a rock star too.
What do rock stars do? They play music and/or sing while their fans listen. Me too!
I perform updated versions of classics and involve my audience. I never rely on auto-tune. And I can improvise lyrics by rhyming "poop" with "scoop" on the fly.
Rock stars have groupies who follow them everywhere. I do too!
And mine are really loyal and dedicated.
Some rock stars take drugs. I take drugs too!
Rock stars stay up late. Me too!
I generally do hardcore things like internet window shop for shoes I'll never buy. Sometimes I'll even put them in my shopping cart before closing the browser. I live dangerously.
Many rock stars treat their bodies like shit. I do this too!
Then I make up for it by eating their weight in ice cream after they go to bed. Overindulgence. Just like a rock star would do it.
But the best part is that rock stars feel fortunate and fulfilled. They are happy doing what they do.
Me too.
Yep. Parents are just uncelebrated rock stars.
Now someone please hand me a few million dollars and a Grammy. I'll wait.
Hello?
Well, this blog DID get nominated for a 2012 Bloggie. And it has been compared to the blog equivalent of getting an Oscar or a Grammy. Holy crap! Except nobody gets a trophy. Or those goody bags with computers and diamonds in them. And it isn't on TV. And I'm not even eligible for the $20.12 grand prize. However, I am relieved that nobody dresses up and walks on a red carpet for this. That part would make me throw up because I've lost the ability to wear heels and walk at the same time.
I'm in the parenting category, scroll down just past the middle of the page and you'll see that I'm not delusional. Plus, you can VOTE!
Also? It is easy to vote. You don't even have to leave a urine sample this time.
LOL this is so funny! I voted for you! How could I not after that urine sample ending?
You know you have my vote!
When I’m awake all night tonight, I’M SO TOTALLY GOING TO REMEMBER THAT ROCK STARS DO THIS, TOO! I’m just gonna call it “up partying” instead of “cleaning up vomit.” Parenting – it’s all about the perspective. 😉
Beth
This explains so much, I’m a rockstar! You always crack me up.
Ah, i thought i voted, but i didn’t. Aparently after you click on your blog, you then have to scroll all the way down and press submit at the bottom. Doh!
Mommy brain strikes again!
Voted! Now if you’ll excuse me, the kids are in bed and there’s ice cream with my name on it. Like a rock star.
I’m so with you on the treating my body like shit and staying up too late. I really try to avoid singing to my kids because nobody wants to hear me sing, not even a one year old. Thanks for all the laughts!
I voted for your blog. You are so talented and make me laugh daily when sometimes its difficult to find humor when you are running around after 2 small kids and are exhausted. Thank you and good luck!
That was laughs not laughTs. Also, how do I vote? Do I have to vote in all the categories?
Eating their weight in ice cream! Yes!
HAHAHA!!!!! I also sometimes put things into my cart before I close the browser. I like living on the edge!
Thank you!
Perspective. Word. Thanks Beth!
voted! I’ve also had underpants thrown at me, yeah, I’m a rockstar.
LOL, thanks for checking! It isn’t the most obvious site, that is for sure.
Enjoy the ice cream & thanks!
I’ve lost the ability to wear high heels and walk too! LOL! Thanks for the chuckle. Cheers!
PS: I also voted for you. 🙂
No, I don’t think you have to vote in all categories, you can just vote in one.
Thanks Sarah!
Ooooh, good one! LOL Do diapers count as underwear?
My two-year-old will not let me sing to him. How bad do you have to be to have a two-year-old scream NO! every time you try to sing something? Though he more than makes up for it with the spontaneous hugs and I love yous that he’s started doing recently.
I’m thrilled to know I’m living the life of a rock star! Now, where’s my fleet of automobiles and housekeeper crew?
Voted for you too! You should have the song “Always Look on the Bright Side of Life” from Monty python looping on your blogsite. I run after 3 little boys (4, 2, 1) and have #4 on the way. Sometimes (ok most times) I feel run-down and impatient…but you infuse humour and levity into the day-to-day stuff that I know (in a few years) I’ll miss terribly (so I’ve been told). You should be nominated for sainthood…I’ll start a petition to the American Recording Academy and work on that Grammy. When I catch up on my sleep…like 2027.
Is it an out of practice thing with the heels you think? Or are our bodies all out of alignment from carrying kids on a hip for years? Thanks!
The really dedicated groupies made me laugh in complete understanding.
Your fleet of automobiles are probably just much, much smaller than expected. I even have several lamborghinis that I step on regularly.
Yep, that missing it later part. Exactly. I have to go find that song & listen to it now.
You wait until the kids are in bed before noshing on ice cream?! I hide out behind the pantry door a couple times a day and pretend like I’m doing grown-up kitchen things, like preparing meals or inventorying my pantry. 😉
I am so glad that I am not the only one who can’t remember the words to the simplest of nursery rhymes. I have made up verses of “hush little baby” that will probably confuse my kid for life.
I go to the pantry to eat chocolate but I can NEVER pull off ice cream in there, I’d totally get busted. Too far from the freezer.
Is it sad that while I’m reading this the song “Just like a Rock Star” – sung by the Fresh Beat Band on Nick Jr. decided to make an appearance in my brain? I really should start listening to more adult music.
I voted for you!
Good luck!
hahahaha that’s hilarious. I also have an eclectic and impressive fleet of cars under my feet.
LOL, “hush little baby” is the BEST one for that! I always wind up buying completely crazy stuff. “And if that dragon’s flame goes out Mamas gonna buy you a water spout. And if that water spout goes dry Mamas gonna buy you a pickled eye.” It always gets weird.
Awesome – will be heading over to vote. And then eating some ice cream in your honor later on tonight 😉
I can one up you: I get FAN ART!!! All the time. I swear my spawn are trying to deforest large parts of Canada. Lately, they’ve been portraying me as a robotic spider with no body and huge teeth.
In addition to the fan art, I often find graffiti around the house clearly done by my groupies. You know the age? Where the kids are finally learning about letters, reading and it all clicks? I’ve hit it 3 times now and I’ve got the walls and furniture covered with MAMA written in indelible marker to prove it.
Nothing says rock star like graffiti and fan art. 🙂
The last picture is so precious I got teary eyed! You’re the best crappy artist ever. PS I voted for you! You certainly deserve the honor.
No, not sad. But I’m incredibly thankful that I don’t know that song!
Thank you!
Ice cream in my honor! My husband does sometimes address me as, “Your Icecreamness”
Fan art! YES! Good one!
Thank you!
hahaha i do the same thing!
What does it say about you when you start singing along to Jake and the Neverland Pirates in the car and your child tells you that you need to stop singing because the people on the radio are trying to sing? Clearly, my groupies need further instruction 😀
the last picture should be printed, framed, and put on the wall. then when people ask to see pics of your kids at the store you could have a little wallet sized print out of it to show too lol
Just last week my husband was questioning how every single tablespoon in the kitchen drawer ended up in the dishwasher … Then he goes, “You have been self medicating again.” Yes, he knows me well enough to know that I OD with tablespoons of ice cream throughout the day 😀
Voted. You. are. FANTASTIC!
This was a great post. My kids are teens and I don’t feel like a rock star these days!
I voted for you, rock star! Even today, after scrubbing poop out of the carpet, I still laughed at your post 🙂
I get that sometimes too! Or they tell me to stop so THEY can sing.
I love that idea!
I’ve just now realized why I’m always complaining that we don’t have enough spoons. THIS is the reason!
Poop out of the carpet. Human or animal? Either way.
..did you notice that the best parenting weblog category is BELOW best pet or animal weblog?!! -and of course I voted for you. I live in the Netherlands and have shared your blog with many of my Dutch mama friends here. your take on life with small kids is great!
My little one gets a vip pass and is in his wrap all day. Love this blog to bits
Sigh, one more post which makes me think we are destined to be friends . . . I didn’t think any one else window shopped for shoes online and put them in the cart before closing the browser. In fact, I do it so frequently that I recently complained to my hubby about a shoe order that was taking forever to be delivered. Three weeks I spent wondering about it before I checked the site only to realize I never actually placed the order.
I hide in the pantry to eat chocolate too but I recently found out that if I eat candy they don’t like, such as Red Hots, I can leave it out on the counter and they don’t even care. I wish they made chocolate covered Red Hots.
p.s. I voted for you!
LOL my 3 year old covers my husband’s mouth with his hand when he tries to sing and tells him “no. Mommy sing.” haha!
Voted for you! Reading your blog always makes me feel better that there are other people out there who are as run down as I am….I said I would never not wear heels, that they were for old people. Or that I would never go out of the house with spit up on my shoulder.
i voted too! love your blog
You got my vote easily!! Thanks for the laughs. Your unfiltered expression of parenthood is uplifting. I also love that you illustrate your youngest in just underpants. How true, how true.
Ah, a rock-star… that explains everything! Especially my strange inability to ever be alone… yesterday i hid on the stairs with the last of my “for extreme emergencies only” chocolates. (my husband finds the wrappers mysteriously stashed around the house) and my two year old daughter came over as I was slowly taking tiny bites and savoring each one, said “oooh mommy, cake!” and popped the whole thing in her mouth. bliss.
voted! you are awesome.
I love this. I too, live dangerously, with Pottery Barn. Someday I’m going to accidentally order the $12,396 worth of merchandise I have placed in my cart. Probably due to hunger and/or sleep deprivation. Anyway, I feel better about the PlayDoh that got ground into the carpet this morning. I’m just living the rock star life.
Oh, and I voted for you too. 🙂
On the plus side, no one takes pictures of our mom bums at the beach and criticizes our cellulite.
I sing pretty well and my 3.5 year old has always hated my singing. I’m allowed to sing only the songs he wants to hear when he wants to hear them. If I just sing to the radio he starts yelling at me. Kids are weird.
You always make me laugh. Had to vote for you!
I heard once that some big singer…Mariah Carey? Maybe?….her kid hated it when she sang and cried. I think it’s a kid thing. Mine won’t let me sing either. I recite a kids book I memorized instead. They like that. Also, my 2 year old has starting hugging me and saying “I like you mommy.” He used to love me. I’m not sure what happened 😉
I have lost the ability to walk at all due to 10 month old groupie hanging on to my ripped ‘rock star” jeans and have a secret stash of chocolate hidden from everyone to self administer as needed frequently. now I’m off to vote now for you & my groupie no 2 has crashed on top of me making it impossible to move away from pc- now where was that top i saw the other day too 😀
Vote! Because you can’t not win. You’re a rockstar!!!
Except for the staying up late part, I do everything else…. Does getting up during all hours count?
And my audience just learned to clap! It’s so exciting!
I am SO a rock star as I pump from my hospital bed. My body is way past a wonderland.
Crying I’m laughing so hard!! If you’ve got more lyrics, I’d love to see them 😀
Me too with the poop! I’m living the life of the rockstar’s housekeeping service 🙂 It was my first intro to cleaning carpet spots. Yikes! Prunes and beige carpet do NOT go together. Why does beige carpet even exist? Must’ve been created by somebody who likes cleaning carpets. Every day.
Awesome! This made me feel so much better. I live like a rockstar too. 🙂
Voted for you, Amber!
Just wanted to say, I LOVE your blog! I discovered it today and I may or may not have allowed my son to watch an extra episode of “Chugginton” so I could read some of your older posts. Also, my sister just had a baby a week ago and is in the “I have no idea what I’m doing! Breastfeeding sucks! Why am I crying all the time?!” Phase. I read several of your posts to her over the phone and we were both laughing hysterically by the end of the call. Thanks so much!
Ha ha, I didn’t notice that!
Ha, that is funny that you fake order so often you messed up the real thing! Love that!
That is a VERY good point!
I love your blog 2!! I’m a stay at home mom blogger article writer mom of three boys. I laugh every time I read your posts!
Thank you! (And wow, I remember those days that your sister is in. Well, sorta, it is rather hazy)
Voted! Good Luck! Your blog always puts a smile on my face and sometimes makes me giggle so much I tinkle myself…. ahhhh the joys of motherhood!
LOVE your blog…already voted…and Kristen’s comment about ordering 12K worth of PotteryBarn merchandise made me LOL!
Human. I’m potty training my two year and my autistic four year old. It’s an adventure in poop.
We sing an amazing song about diaper changes that we made up…i even hold out an imaginary mic for my boys to sing their favorite part. The song is about poop not tasting good on toast 🙂 my 4 yr. old gets excited when the 15 month old has a poopy diaper because we get to sing it.
Hi Amber,
You’re definitely a rock star in my book!
Great post!
I regularly get groped by my fans and my rooms get trashed daily.
The life of a rock star…
I voted. For you and xkcd (different category, awesome site).
Your first cartoon made me think of my two-year-old first cousin once removed. Her parents are raising her in a woodsy Oregon commune and, at the clothing-optional soaking springs, she recently learned an important word. Then she came to visit all her east coast family, where she suddenly commenced singing, for reasons no-one could determine, “Twinkle twinkle little penis.”
Voted. Maybe you’ll win a gift certificate at Target? 🙂
I voted, and shared with my FB friends 🙂
I just voted for you =). I love reading your posts!
I really love your blog. As a mum of 4 who is being treated for depression you really put a lot of things into perspection for me, and helps me see I am not the only mum muddling through parenting. Reading your blog always makes me smile. Thank you x
I LOVE this! Such a truth!
oh man, love it so much! I started losing the words pretty much by the second line in. One of my favorite things when my baby boy came along was singing him pop hits (like Elton John songs) with completely different words… all about poop, and pee, and milk, etc.
LOVE THIS Amber!!! Once again, you hit home with all the hilarious things we mothers do. Thanks for all your work….and making
us moms smile, laugh, and tinkle in our pants a little. I voted for you!!
PS: found your email! lol (It is rather small!)
Just voted….my fav blog! Yes, it appears that there are LOTS of rockstars!
Somewhere there has to be a joke about never knowing who you will wake up next to. I have a husband and two sons. It’s a rare morning that it’s just me & DH. Usually, it’s one if not both sons in bed with us.
To the tune of “I’m a little teapot”:
I am a little baby, yes-sir-ree
I like to poop and I like to pee
When I fill my diaper, then you’ll see
You’ll see how stinky a baby can be.
Must be sung at least twice through during every diaper change.
I voted for you. They didn’t make me sign over my firstborn child in order to vote. Amazing.
It’s actually a great song. I find that it makes my life much more enjoyable to like their music. 🙂
As a grandmother relate all the way! The Grammy is coming years later when you see these little ones succeed, become good citizens and begin raising their own with more knowledgeable parenting skills. The most important job we do in life is parenting and most of us have no training for it. I am a strong advocate of required parent training along with and priority to lemaze, breathing exercise, etc. for pregnancy and delivery and nursing. Help us be better parents!!! It’s our and the world;s future!!! What could be a more important performance. Here’s to a Grammy for every parent! You deserve it!!!
Me too!
Whatcha eating mum?? Uh..(as I try to swallow) a sandwich?? Some fruit??? …
Voted for you! Good luck! 🙂
You have my vote! Best of luck.
Voted! 😀 Good luck Amber!
Omg, my 2 yr daughter loves that song, I so know what you are talking about. It’s the song she sings for hours on end when she should be sleeping.
Fabulous post by the way, gotta love living like a rock star!
Love the breakfast at 3pm part, thought I was the only one going that long with nothing to eat (a lot of the time it’s due to rushing about getting ready for a day out with my baby, ironically making sure he’s fed a proper breakfast and packing a baby bag full of baby lunch,snacks,drinks etc for a whole day out while I don’t get a chance to eat till after whatever baby activity is over with)
Off to put my vote in now, LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog!!
Thanks for making me laugh out loud on a regular basis 🙂 x
God I love your blog!!! Found you via Huffington Post about a month ago and love, love, love your posts. Always leave me laughing. Definitely voted for you, hope you win!!!
I can up you on that one- My 3yr old ASD has no idea yet about potty training- But he sure knows about Poo. I had poop on his tv, a book, the cupboard, the floor, his fingers plus more- in the time it took me to walk downstairs and check the washing, put the dryer on and get back upsatirs…
As a first time mom-to-be on strict bedrest there are few things that make me laugh these days, except your blog!!! It’s pretty much been a heaven-send for my psyche as I wait out the days until my boy arrives…only to have more psyche-challenging days for different reasons, lol! So other than a lame thank you, I can say you definitely have my vote…even if you don’t get an “award” 🙂
My fave so far! Go rock stars!
lol funny stuff! inspiring words! and yes, perspective at its finest* im a rockstar with a fan base of 3 ! love ya work! xox
I’ll vote. I love your blog. You are wonderful. I would really like to see a Crappy Pictures cookbook for picky eaters or a Crappy Guide to travelling with kids or something like that in the future. I could see something like that doing exceedingly well, even at the bookstore…being bought by people who haven’t even read your blog. I’d like to see you take this crappy thing all the way!
I didn’t see any where to vote!?!?!?!?!
If it makes you feel any better, yesterday I was singing to my 6 month old and my 2.5 year old came up and said shh quiet mommy and covered my mouth. I didn’t think I was THAT bad
I love that!
I voted for you. I think. The layout of the voting page is a little confusing. But that’s not your fault.
And I just want to say that my husband is working on his PhD thesis and procrastinates by reading your posts because they make me laugh so hard he has to stop working and “see what’s so funny.” Then he starts laughing too and reads all your archives 🙂 (For the sake of his thesis thank you for not having too many yet!)
After my daughter was born, I wore holes in the right knee of every. single. pair. of jeans I owned. Down on the floor for a diaper, down again for a toy, down to play, down again to clean up puke, down to …. you get the point, always right knee first. Now, that may (or may not) be how the rock stars get holes in their jeans, but hey, we even wear the same kind of trendy clothes without spending the big bucks!
I voted for your (very un)crappy blog. Best of luck!
I absolutely LOVE your blog and show it to everyone I know…I voted for you!!!
Beth – too funny, I just spent my rock star hours from 2 am to 4:30 am “up partying” last Sunday night. Whooo hoooo!! lol
Voted, went to my email; nothing there. Voted, went to my email; nothing there. Voted, THEN read the message “It may take some time to arrive, but if you haven’t received it within a day, send me a message… laughed at myself then figured you’ll get three votes from me tomorrow!! 🙂
How about stage makeup? Wearing a light green facial mask resulted in my 9 month old audience gasp, then break out in spontaneous peals of laughter.
This was more funny since I just finished my “finally got those damn kids to bed” bowl of ice cream!! lol
I have voted for you too! You always make me laugh 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂
I voted for you. I glanced at the other parenting blogs and you are by far the best… I love reading your blog. Every post hits home and resonates. 🙂
Another vote. I don’t read a lot of blogs but always check this one.
Tomorrow morning at 3am I shall remember I’m a rock star! Thank you, Amber.
Didn’t Nickelback dedicate a song to us…?
Thanks for making me laugh. AGAIN. Would you STOP?
No, don’t, please!
Love the fans following you everywhere and the pic of the bathroom. Ah yes.
Best of luck in the vote!
You are a Mom Rockstar just for making us laugh everyday! Thanks!
PS I voted! 😉
voted.
I don’t even have kids and I love your blog!
You will get a “Grammy” some day when your children have children. I hear that is the best reward for surviving parenthood with small children…
yay! congrats on the nom
ok. So for my college class I had to sign up for a blog and follow someone. I am so glad I found you. I have six kids and the things you blog about has happened to me at one time or the other. Imagine how lucky I am that I get to sit around reading your blog, laughing my butt off (thanks for the weight loss), and do homework at the same time!
Um…you rock and this post rocks. I love how you keep it funny, raunchy, and sweet all at the same time. Of course I voted for you!
Great. Now I “Just LIke A Rock Star” from Fresh Beat Band in my head. It totally hasn’t been there ALL day 😉
All my children are adults now. So we have dogs to clean up after. Things have not changed much. I clean up pee and poop. Wash and brush their hair. I do laundry too for my dogs. They have pillows and blankets, sweaters and jackets. Childless mothers need something to keep the rock star status.
All my children are adults now. So we have dogs to clean up after. Things have not changed much. I clean up pee and poop. Wash and brush their hair. I do laundry too for my dogs. They have pillows and blankets, sweaters and jackets. Childless mothers need something to keep the rock star status.
Don’t rock stars wake up with people in their beds who they are suprised to see? That’s totally me. Just this morning, I woke up with someone who snuck in next to me and I thought, “how the heck did you get in here?!?” Also, I’m guessing that rock stars, from time to time, get peed on by these unexpected bed visitors, a byproduct of too much partying. That happens to me WAAAAY too often.
I voted for you! I also never get a chance to eat. I keep having my lunch at 3:30 after spending a long time feeling weak and dizzy!
Ahhhh…the life of a rock star. I’ve never heard it put quite that way before.
I voted for you. Let’s hope you rock the Weblog Awards!
I’m a rockstar too! Only I’m not allowed to sing. As soon as I even hum a tune my 2.5yo yells at me ‘STOP MUMMY!!!’. I don’t have fans, I have critics.
Voted, u deserve it. Keep writing, keep us smiling:D:D
So cute and funny! Loove this one!
Of course, our kids are the ones who get to trash the hotel room…! 🙂
After being introduced to your blog a week ago…and reading through all of the past postings… Of course I voted.
I cracked up at the adding things to your shopping cart before closing the browser… I do this ALL the time!
Hahah. Totally my life.
HAHAHA! I frequently put not only expensive shoes, but even a hefty priced handbag or two in my shopping cart before I close the browser…..also usually must pee with 1 year old biggest fan facing me …..Super Rock Star style
Very funny.waking at 3:00 Pm and having breaks fast who does this .
http://www.ispyperth.com/articles/309-wa-gets-ready-to-plug-in-to-perth-arena