I love food bloggers but I could NEVER be one

Food bloggers. Ever think you wanted to be one of those?

It seems easy at first.

Make a food thing. Take photos of the food thing. Post it on your blog. (Money and shiny appliances follow!) 

I eat things each day. You probably eat things each day too. We are already doing all the work!

Look at this:

I am halfway there already!

Except…

This would be a huge problem for me.

I can never remember to photograph edible things because they are just too edible.

However, even when I do remember to take a photo this happens:

Food photography is a serious art. I can easily photograph raw fruits and vegetables and sometimes cookies but everything else looks like barf.

Also, I am extremely lacking in whimsical plates and colorful napkins and rustic wooden tables and fresh flower centerpieces.

I do not want to style my food. I just want to eat it.

I am also pretty terrible at making notes and I would never be able to actually develop a real recipe. Mine would say something like, “You put a little cinnamon and a little bit of ginger and a few pinches of salt and I think I put a 1/4 cup cocoa powder but maybe it was 1/2 cup, I don’t remember”. 

But these reasons are not why I couldn’t become a food blogger. (Though clearly, I couldn’t.) I couldn’t handle being a food blogger because of the comments.

The comments!!!

This is what I have noticed…

So many allergies, so little time for the blogger to test out the recipe 50 different ways for you. For free.

I especially love it when it is a recipe for something like, “Coconut Cake” and someone comments that they “have a coconut allergy” and what should they do?

Um, how about use another recipe?

Next, I am not sure I could handle this:

Because in both scenarios, it is obviously the blogger’s fault.

Next up, everyone knows that their way of eating is the best way.

The “one-upping” on health food blogs is especially fun to read. I, for one, only use organic baby alpaca oil.

There are also so many questions. Food bloggers are usually really polite and attentive and answer all the questions. Even the stupid ones.

Some people should not be operating ovens.

Last, but not least, I have drawn for you an ACTUAL comment that I saw yesterday when I was looking at pie recipes for Thanksgiving:

What is the creator of the recipe supposed to do with this? Apologize?

“Sorry you didn’t like it. Maybe it’s because it is made of pumpkin.”

Wait, as a bonus, I thought of one last reason why being a food blogger isn’t as easy as just eating stuff.

Imagine that food blogger #1 works for weeks perfecting a very unique recipe. Testing it. Tweaking ingredient amounts. Eating it over and over! Finally, they announce a “Beet Blueberry Vanilla Layered Thing”! It has never been done! It’s new and amazing and everyone loves it!

Two days later…

Five other blogs come out with their Layered Things. They shift around the titles “Blueberry Vanilla Layer with Beets” and “Layered Vanilla Beet Blueberry Surprise” but everyone knows it is the same damn thing, despite the 1/4 teaspoon difference here and there and that added cherry on top.

I mean, if even I notice this as a casual observer, how does everyone not stab each other with forks? (I know, I know, not everyone does this and the good food blogs will cite their inspiration sources which is totally different and awesome and everyone is inspired by everyone and nothing is really new anyway and blah blah blah, nobody cares.)     

So.

So let’s give some love to the food blogs we follow and love.

Helps if you add if the blog focuses on desserts/healthy/vegan/gluten free/Soylent Green/paleo/Thai/insects/meat lover’s, etc so people scanning comments can seek out words that apply to them if it is not obvious from the blog name.

 


Wait, I DID write a recipe on here once. I guess I am a food blogger. See Buttcakes

Baby alpacas are not harmed in the making of baby alpaca oil because it is not a thing. I just wanted to talk about alpacas.  

Sorry, I can not link to my own favorite food blogs because then they will have to get defensive and publicly state, “No, I do not feel that way about my lovely commenters.” 

Opinions expressed in this post are my own, not the opinions of actual food bloggers who love you and love your comments always. Except the stupid ones. Always. 

Yes, this entire post was made as a way to ask for your food blog recommendations. I’m in a food slump. One can only eat so much pumpkin and kale and white bean soup that looks like barf. Please help.   

Oh, and I have this spam blocker thing so if you include a bunch of links and get the “your post will be approved after moderation” or whatever it says don’t fret. I will approve it after making sure it isn’t a list of links for viagra. Those recipes are usually terrible. 

 

Posted in food | 228 Comments

Hi. How Have You Been?

Hi.

It’s official-ish. I can now draw the picture I’ve been thinking about drawing ever since I drew the “pause” button one. Can you guess what it is?

Here it is:

A gold star sticker for you if you guessed it correctly. Or the blue or red or silver one, whichever color you pick for yourself is okay.

So.

SO.

Can we just skip the awkward part? Aren’t we two old friends who haven’t seen each other in ages but can just have glasses of wine and pick up where we left off? Let’s do that. It’s so much more fun.

However, like two old friends, I suppose there IS some updating on each other’s lives we should do, huh? After all, it has been a while since we last hung out.

Let’s do the typical update. “So how are the crappy kids?” They are good!

This is what they look and act like now:

I’m KIDDING. It hasn’t been that long. They are still little kids. Although “little” is relative since nobody is in diapers anymore and everyone sleeps through the night. Gosh, it HAS been a while.

The main thing that has changed with our family is that we moved.

Like, super duper moved.

Remember when I’d go on an on about moving to Wisconsin and my “rustic dreams” problem like in this post when we visited? Well. We did it. We moved. And mostly everyone (back in California) thinks we are crazy. Which has always been true, but now we’ve finally proven it to them.

Wanna know what every single person asks (and still asks) about us moving from Southern California to Wisconsin? THE WEATHER. The weather! The SNOW. The WINTER. Weather, weather, weather, weather! Let’s panic about the weather!

No matter how many times I told people that I “grew up in Wisconsin and Minnesota” Californians (who have never lived anywhere outside of California) would continue to educate me on the severity of the weather.

To the point where I learned that the most fun thing to do in a situation like this is to completely play dumb.

Because that makes their heads implode. It also renders them speechless for at least a few moments where I can AGAIN tell them that “I’m just kidding, I grew up there.” Then it usually sinks in. Plus, don’t most people do a little research before moving to a new place?

Oops, I got off track. This was supposed to be a general update. It must be all the wine we’re drinking. It makes me chatty.

I’ll have more to say about moving and the culture shock of city to rural in another post or two or not. Who knows. I have TONS of stories, people. That’s the beauty of taking a pause to live a bit. You have more to say when you start again.

So why unpause now? Why not?

I honestly can’t explain succinctly why I was creatively stuck and now I’m unstuck. It’s too complicated and would be very boring to most of you. I don’t think creative flow is something you can control though. I do know that I want to balance writing here with making other types of “crappy” art. That doing both is the only way this will work for me.

There is so much more I’d like to say. About how much the world has changed since I paused and the struggle of finding and celebrating joy in the face of so much sadness. About the beautiful and tiring job of raising children and how it just gets even more complicated (and funnier and more joyful in different ways!) as they get older. But all of that is DEEP stuff, and I always tuck in the deep stuff with the funny stuff so nobody really notices. Later. Later.

So are we all caught up? Have another glass of wine.

What is new with you? (Seriously, I’d love to hear. How old are your kids now? Did you move? What is inspiring you? What is the last thing you ate? What is the last thing someone in your house threw up on? Tell me stuff. I miss you guys.)

 


Hey, this is where the disclaimers go!

Crap, I don’t think I have one. Clearly, not a good post then. Sorry. Cut me some slack, I’m rusty.

Oh, if you don’t want to drink wine for our catch up, we can drink tea or coffee. I swing all the ways with beverages. 

Oh wait, I thought of something else! For the jaded among you, you probably think I restarted this blog to hawk my art for sale. You are partly right. (Then again, you’d think I’d stock my shop more, wouldn’t you? I didn’t. Because balance. There is time for everything, just not all at once. The link will be up again after I have it ready.) I’ll be very upfront and state that I do not want to sell advertising space here or host giveaways with sponsors. I’ve struggled with ways to make the time put into this space worth it financially. This is a way that I can make this work and feel good about it. If anyone is put off by the idea of an artist wanting to make money for what they create you can go ahead and suck it. 

(Wow, my first disclaimer and already I’m telling people to suck it. How is this blog so popular again?) 

HUGE thank you for being here. I LOVE YOU GUYS!!! I updated my Facebook profile pic recently and wow, I did not expect so many comments from doing that. It was pretty incredible. I’ve missed you all and forgot what an awesome community this is. I also really, really appreciate those of you who followed me on instagram all this time, which was the only place online I continued to hang out. Warning: I’m not funny on instagram. It’s real photos, people. It will probably hurt your eyes to see that we are real people. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. 

 

 

 

 

 

Posted in blogkeeping | 395 Comments