Number Two

It’s hard to be the 2nd kid. Number two. Crappy Baby.

Crappy Baby can’t do nearly anything as well as Crappy Boy can. And yet Crappy Boy isn’t yet mature enough to be polite about this. “Look at me, I can do it better than you can!”

I often have to remind Crappy Boy that Crappy Baby is three whole years younger than him. That it isn’t fair to Crappy Baby. That his younger brother does do a lot of amazing things, especially for a three-year-old.

I try to model encouragement rather than criticism and competition. And I also remind Crappy Boy that he didn’t have an older sibling heckling him when he was three. It just isn’t fair to Crappy Baby.

Is it so hard to just say, “Wow, cool!” every once in a while rather than try to show him up? Give him a high five or something?

So Crappy Boy and I are having this conversation (again) when I realize that I’m not sure where Crappy Baby is. And the house is quiet. So I ask Crappy Boy where he is.


Number poop? I know what he means so I laugh. (Thanks for teaching him that one, Crappy Papa. Course I’m responsible for turding. I guess we’re even.) 



I’ve never really thought about that. But it makes sense.

Just then, we’re interrupted by Crappy Baby from the bathroom:


“Mama check!” means he is done and needs me to survey his wiping skills (of which there are none yet) and help him with his underwear.

I go into the bathroom and as I’m helping to pull up his underwear he yells to his brother:


With an invitation like that, who can refuse?

Crappy Boy runs into the bathroom to take a look:


He is impressed.


A high five for number two’s number two?

Well, that’s a start.



The part where I talk about my book. Again.

Huge thanks for showing your support and buying my book. Apparently, being honest helps. So does begging. And so did many of your comments about how we’re so used to getting things for free online that it’s important to occasionally support the things we’d like to keep getting for free. Supporting bloggers makes sense. (This is why some of my fellow bloggers books have graced these pages lately. I want to help support them.) 

If you want to buy the book (or if you have already and want to help me out by writing a review – thank you!) here are the links:, Barnes & Noble, Books A MillionIndieBound, Walmart, Indigo, Kobo, iBookstore & more.

Tonight I’m meeting someone at this airport restaurant shaped like a flying saucer to do an interview for a major magazine. How cool is that? And tomorrow I’m driving to San Diego to appear on Fox Morning News & San Diego Living on Thursday. I’m bringing the kids with me so we might be stopping somewhere fun on the way home. (Maybe Legoland? Haven’t decided yet. Don’t tell the kids.) Anyway, things will be quiet again in these parts while I’m trying to get the book word out.

Los Angeles & Southern California people: I’ll be signing books at the LA Times Festival of Books on Saturday, April 20th. Admission is free. I’ll be at the Kobo booth from 11am-noon and there will be a contest where you could win a Kobo reader. (Contest is you filling in blank speech bubbles of one of my drawings & we’ll pick the best one. Can’t wait to see what people come up with.) Then I’ll be signing books at the Harlequin booth from 1pm -2pm. Please, please come. I’ll even draw you a crappy picture in your book if you do.

Nice people giving away or talking about my book this week: Momma Needs a Beer, Five Kids is a Lot Of Kids, Hahas for Hoohas, Kansas City Mamas and so many more that I’ve completely lost track of which giveaways ended when and which ones I’ve already mentioned in prior posts, but if you email me I’ll add yours.  

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132 Responses to Number Two

  1. Jill says:

    LOL, sounds exactly like my two boys. Wait, you can add my husband too.

  2. Sarah says:

    OMG, “man poop” is so hilarious.

    Yes, go to Legoland! I want to read crappy legoland stories! Have fun celebrating!

  3. Chenoameg says:

    Legoland is worth it, but you have to claim crappy baby is 4 to ride the joust (even if he meets the height restriction).

    Also, it will cost everything you earned last year from this, and then a whole bunch more.

    • Katie says:

      Ha, my 3 year old believes when we pass through Legoland gates he turns 4, just for that reason. If I had any doubt he would jump/fall off, I wouldn’t let him ride. . .but he’s been fine. I thought for awhile he was a really good liar and I was a little afraid, then we realized he truly believes he changes from 3 to 4.

      • Stasi says:

        Ha, the workers were too smart for us. Instead of asking me the kid’s age, they asked him. Of course HE didn’t lie. So no rides for him. Dammit.

        • Syl says:

          Hahahah! My second kid thinks he is four… And claims to be four ALL THE TIME. He is not yet three. His brother just turned five, I imagine little bro thinks he is now five 😉 guess this kid would pass that test…

  4. Trista says:

    This happens all the time in my house. The boys gather around the toilet to survey their “man poop”
    Boys will be boys I guess.
    I couldnt help but laugh out loud at this one. Thanks for being so awesome!

  5. Denise says:

    Yay for number two’s number two! Crappy Baby will get payback when everyone starts to notice more how cute he is and Crappy Boy gets less attention. That was tough in our family.

  6. Jen Poiry says:

    My 2 year old has had one successful poop in her baby potty, and I made the mistake of calling it “humungous.” Now every time she poops in her diaper, she asks me, “Is it bungus poop?”

    • Syl says:

      “Big honking” is the term my 2.75yo loves for bizarre large things. *whistles* … Do you know where he got that term? I’d never know…

  7. Marleen says:

    Love your blog (still) and just got my copy of the book in the mail (it was pre-ordered but since I’m in The Netherlands it took the postal service a while to find me). Very excited about getting into the book! I might even take it to the loo with me, and get a page of two of reading. Yay!

  8. Mel says:

    It’s all funny because it’s all true!

  9. Liz says:

    LOL so funny!

  10. Nicole says:

    I was worried for a bit that Crappy Boy was going to assume Crappy Baby was worse because he was #2. XD

    • Diana says:

      ^omg, you probably just gave her nightmares pointing that out…

    • Kelly says:

      Honestly, that’s where I thought you were going with it, too. 😉 Glad Crappy Boy didn’t make the connection!

      • KpMcD says:

        I thought for sure there would be a mean-spirited “who’s number two?” in there. This is a WAAAAAAAy better ending. Ha.

    • Alison says:

      That’s what I thought too! I was so worried he was going to start calling his brother poop or something.

  11. Krista says:

    Woot, on TV again! I hope we get to see the clip this time! Enjoy Legoland, you deserve to do something fun to celebrate.

  12. Dan says:

    “MAN poop” will be added to our household lexicon.

  13. Emily says:

    Oh my god this is so funny with 3 boys kinda close in age I can relate. Course today my 4 year old FINALLY pooped in the potty while he had clothes on and while I was excited he got nothing from his big brother. *sigh*

  14. Erica says:

    Yay for Crappy Baby that he finally got a little recognition. LOL

  15. maggie says:

    I was so afraid it was going to turn into a “number 2 is worse, and Crappy Baby is number 2 so HE’S worse than me” kind of fight! Happy that it ended with a man-poop 🙂
    (Only mothers say that!)

  16. Tina says:

    I thought this post would be about poop and then it was about younger brothers and then poop again. LOL!

  17. Kristin says:

    My daughter always wants me to look at her poop and the “shapes” she makes. Kids are so universally hilarious, arent’ they?

  18. Alison says:

    Hahaha. That’s great. Exactly like my 3 and 5 year old. Let us know when you solve the older-sibling-bragging problem. Although my 3 year old is better at wiping her butt, so sometimes the little kid can learn new things faster (just don’t tell my oldest or she will pitch a fit)

  19. Gina says:

    My 2 always check each others #2 out. Not sure why! My oldest who is 4 also always gets made at my 2 1/2 yr old when he does 2 1/2 yr old things (messes up train tracks, knocks down lego towers). I am always telling him “…but YOU did that when YOU were 2!”. I don’t think he believes me.

  20. Kelsey says:

    I’m going to be fired for laughing so hard.

  21. Mommyharris says:

    Hey Crappy Mama! Loved the book! I bought it to give to my sister and her husband to read in the hospital while in labor with their first child. I always did love teasing her! 😉 I related to SO much to the book ( i have a 5 and 2 year old too, girls!). But the story thought you’d appreciate the most is almost exactly like the swearing one, only better. While running through a fast food joint the other day on our way out of town, I asked our Crappy Papa to say the prayer over the food. While he was doing so, our Crappy Baby spilled her drink all over herself and shouted “Oh Shit!” Yep, one for the baby books! Keep writing! You’re giving us all the will to keep going! (ps, I didn’t read the book while pooping as you secretly hoped but my my two year old did pitch the biggest fit for me to hold her WHILE I was buying the book and my hands were full! haha)

  22. RachMum says:

    My oldest is the queen of bragging and it drives me batty. I completely relate.

  23. Betsy says:

    At 12 and 8, the sibling rivalry doesn’t end, but at least 12 y.o. has gotten the hang of being supportive when he’s not being critical.
    They were just reminiscing about “letter poops.” yup, back when the littles would poop in a baby potty, they would get up, turn around, and inspect for secret msgs. The most common letters were C, J and S. You know you’re a mom when you’re racing for the potty encouraging the kidlet, “let’s make it to the potty! we have to see what letter it is!” It always astonishes me the volume of poop that can come out of a young child…

  24. Lyz says:

    My boys (15 months apart) make pooping a contest. This is partially (ok, a lot) my fault. My oldest has had trouble with chronic constipation since he was a toddler, so I use potty humor and lots of it to get him excited to go.

    Younger brother usually goes first (he has no issues and goes faster) and then they both inspect “the stinky” and discuss who can make the biggest stinky. The oldest would then sometimes poop ON his brother’s “stinky” so they could do a side by side comparison of who had the biggest poop.

    Weird (and gross), I know. But it worked. The oldest was so miserable I was ready to try just about anything. It is working well so far. No meds or suppositories for a long time.

    That is, until this side by side pooping started clogging the toilet every time.

    Now I have to remind them to flush after each poop inspection. They still have their little contest but describe how big the “stinky” is instead of doing side by side comparisons!

    • Ariana says:

      Necessity is the mother of inventions. Poop contests and side by side pooping is favorite “fix-it” of the day!

    • Devan says:

      Yeah…this is gross, but awesome. Gotta do what we gotta do. And funny! I was thinking – oh man, that would clog our toilet! 🙂

      • Lyz says:

        It finally had to stop when they decided to try unclogging the toilet by flushing it repeatedly.

        Needless to say that didn’t work, and there was a lot of mopping and disinfecting involved.

  25. Sam says:

    I just laughed out loud at work in a cubicle and people are staring! LOL

  26. keri says:

    Number poop! Man Poop!
    :::doubling over:::: my side hurts from laughing!

  27. Woolies says:

    Some men I happen to know still high five themselves regarding man poop.

  28. Fenny says:

    I’m waiting for my pre-order to arrive. Being in the UK, my expected delivery date is still more than a month away :’-(

    As the second child, I can confirm that the big kid always gets to pick on the smaller kid. When my brother went to Cub camp, Mum and Dad told me when I was older, I would get to go to Brownie camp. But everyone knows Cub camp is way cooler than Brownie camp and Scout camp is SO MUCH cooler than Guide camp.

  29. DeAnn says:

    Too funny! Gotta love what kids think is high-five worthy.

  30. Christine says:

    Sometimes my husband and I call each other in to see our daughter’s poop because it’s that epic. She can clog toilets just like her daddy. Oh, and I bought your book and read it in two hours because I couldn’t put it down. Even the parts that I had already read on here made me laugh. ^_^

  31. Shelley says:

    Lol! Nothing new to this household.
    Raised three boys and each one at one time or another just HAD to share their pooping accomplishment with their brother.

  32. Hooray for people buying the book! Hooray for honesty! Hooray for giant poops! Hive fives all around.

  33. Luna says:

    I have 2 kids but they’re very far apart in age (11 years apart), and my youngest is 3 so while his sister is at school he LOVES to yell at me to look at his poop. “MOM, look! My poop is (insert color here) and it’s BIG! I had a BIG POOP in my butt!” Sometimes it’s hilarious and other times it just makes me facepalm. Boys…. hahaha.

  34. Madeleine says:

    My copy and one for my friend are on the way – quite excited!
    On the subject of poop – Husband’s family seem to be quite open about talking about such things whereas I would rather not but, for the moment, with a 2 year old and a 5 year old, our little family is quite pooptastic with praise, discussion and poop viewings.

  35. helen says:

    hee hee… we always have poop comparisons… ooo mummy it’s a strong one or squishy one or a blue one… ooops eaten a wax crayon again!!

    read the book in two hours and was late picking my gorgeous two up from nursery last week… loved it… when’s the next one coming out???

    and ooo come to legoland in the uk so i can get a crappy picture in my book… PLEASE!!

  36. Amber says:

    Man, I’m just going to miss your signing! I’m flying into San Diego on Friday and we’re flying out of Anaheim NEXT Friday. Would love to get a book signed. Boo! Especially since we are apparently clones, with the same first time and both with two sons. 🙂

  37. Toby says:

    I am a loyal follower and bought your book. I’m spreading it around like the plague. AND I live in San Diego with my 1 year old and 3 year old. We will wave to you tomorrow. Good luck!

  38. Shell says:

    That is totally my two boys too! My youngest is the king of pooping! And his big brother is always impressed and always has to see. The joys of having boys, right!?!

  39. Heather g says:

    My 2 boys both read the cartoon portion of this post over my shoulder while I was reading. They were both impressed by the Man Poop and wanted to see a drawing of it. Then they wanted to know your boys’ names. Then boy #2 said “diarrhea” and they laughed together.
    Perhaps many forms of poop can, at least for a moment, break down the sibling rivalry walls. 😉

  40. BRANDI says:

    AHA! This made me laugh so hard! Belly chuckles…

  41. jen says:

    It’s a man poop!! Awesome!! I’m gonna try to convince my kid to make man poops in the toilet rather than baby poops in his underwear!!! Argh!! Legoland=Awesome…..or my other fave Seaworld!!

  42. Micki says:

    Well if you are going to acknowledge any thing it might as well be poop! I’d give Crappy Boy a high five for getting the gist of the conversation and living it out. My daughter used to call everyone into see her “masterpieces.” It might be a Christmas Tree poop or an elephant poop or any other number of artistic works. Picasso is rolling in his grave.

  43. Heather says:

    Yet another time that I swear we live in some sort of dual universe where you & I are living the same lives (the car show entry was an exact replica of our experience at the LA Auto Show, as well as the cat entry, the restaurant entry…I could go on). Our boys are the same age, their poops are the same size…I could go on.

  44. Flannery says:

    Congrats on the book! Also, your boys are hilarious. Progress is progress, right?

  45. Beth says:

    Amazingly enough with 3 boys (8,5 and 2) we haven’t had a lot of these type of conversations, but oh the belching!! 🙂 and the girl (8mon) is the one with “man burps”

  46. Carrie says:

    Man poop! Oh god, that is hilarious.

  47. Jackie says:

    Funniest poop post ever. I bought your book and am LOVING it!

  48. Janelle says:

    I laughed so hard reading this because it happens almost daily in our house. My number two child likes to show off his “daddy-sized poop” to my husband and number one child, who always show the appropriate excitement over his accomplishment.

  49. Julie says:

    Isn’t it amazing how a three year old can “man poop”? And I have a daughter….

  50. Ashley says:

    Just want you to know I bought your book even though I’m in the middle of a 10 part book series, lol. Soooo, no, I haven’t gotten to it yet, but I wanted to show my support and have it ready! I’m sure it’s great!

  51. tara says:

    Haha that’s awesome. Nice work Crappy Baby! His name is so literal in this one 🙂

    One time I was trying to be polite and let my niece (who was 5 at the time) “win” at a soccer game. But then she was like “I’m so much better at this than you” and I got really pissed because I used to play soccer all the time and am obviously not worse than she was. Yeah, I’m super mature……

  52. Jen May says:

    Will you have books for sale at the festival or do we need to bring our own? I’ve been dying to buy your book but the bookshop near my house closed and I hate paying for shipping. Cheap, I know.

  53. You deserve all your success, Amber–genius idea!!!

    High Five for a Number One…best seller! 😉

  54. Chelsie says:

    “Man poop” omigod that totally slayed me, totally busted out laughing!
    Thanks for sharing! Love your blog as always.

  55. Leslie says:

    Took your book on a recent flight……had it read before we landed! Loved it!
    Included the book in my baby shower gift to my daughter and son in law (their first is due May 1st) and they LOVED it as well! They also received the book “Go the F*#k to sleep” (they also loved) which gives you some idea of their humor 🙂

  56. sanj says:

    I’m also gonna miss the bookfair date; flying into LA on the 23rd. Would love to have your book signed, or maybe a signed plate to add, since the book will be staying with my new grandbaby and his folks on the east coast.
    My daughter (the new mom) has been laughing at each page, and sharing your humorous insights with visiting friends and in-laws. She’s already experiencing some of the same events, so can relate. Thanks again for writing it.

  57. Jessica says:

    Yeah that’s about right. My oldest does that to my second. Thankfully it only took a few times reminding him that he needs to be nice to his brother and let him win sometimes for him to do so. I rarely hear the “I’m better than you” anymore.

  58. Alicia says:

    Yep, I know that conversation about letting the younger brother have some glory. But the man poop, that got tears running down my face. Hilarious!

  59. Ariana says:

    I think my fondness for potty humor and poop jokes is one of the reasons my husband married me. His girls love getting praise for the size of their poops! Of course, it might be a little confusing to the youngest when we get so excited about big poops in the toilet, yet somewhat less so by poops on the floor,

  60. Audra says:

    I gotta say… I’m kinda disappointed that the bathroom & toilet picture didn’t include a crappy drawing of poop.

  61. Emily says:

    It’s an age-old issue; I know I wasn’t very supportive of my little sister growing up… 🙁

    But on the bathroom side of this post, we recently had a rotovirus blast through our household, and the kids decided that since #1 was liquid and #2 was solid, then diarrhea must be #3, because it’s a bit of both. Yuck! At least we now have a polite code-word for that.

    • Devan says:

      Genius! Our current word for it is “spit poop”…not so easy to talk about in public, LOL.

      • Tanya says:

        My 10 year old coined the phrase “butt-vomit.” I still haven’t been able to make that one go away. GROSS

  62. Gretchen says:

    Oh my goodness, I am near constantly having this same conversation with my girls, aged 16 and 11. “Can’t you just say something nice, once in a while?” It must be something to do with the oldest child, because my boys, ages 14 and 6, don’t seem to have this problem; at all! What’s funny, though, is that the 14yo boy started saying something negative about the 11yo girl, the 16yo girl came right to her defense. Not while the 11yo could hear it, of course…

  63. Guinnessgirl says:

    I loved this post, made me lol! Also… my delightful and brilliant husband gave me your book today for my birthday! SQUEEEE !

  64. Kate says:

    This is exactly like my boys! They are also 3 years apart. Although Boy 1 is now 7 and will sometimes throw Boy 2 a bone. Like “Wow, you’re really awesome at….sitting”. Boy 3 is 4 years younger than Boy 2 so I’m hoping they’ll have developed a little tact by the time he needs encouragement. (At the moment they can’t understand why I haven’t called the Guinness Book of Records to tell them we have the Cutest Baby in the Whole Entire Universe.)

    • Kate says:

      Oh and I’ve bought three copies of your book! Can’t wait for them to arrive. One for me, two for gifts. 🙂

  65. Vic says:

    Brilliant! Although my eldest has always been a natural cheerleader for his little brother’s accomplishments, the poop bit resonated perfectly. We’ve done so many high-fives for good pooping, but we call them ‘Daddy-poops’!

  66. Genevieve says:

    Take praise where you can get it, right? My kids always have to figure out what their poop is shaped like. “Look, a flower poop!” or “WOW – A T-Rex!” Weirdos.

    Oh, I FINALLY GOT TO THE STORE TO BUY YOUR BOOK!!! I love it – It took all my willpower not to read it all in one night. I want to stretch out the enjoyment. And while the book is totally cool on it’s own, the fact that you have a review from Mayim Bialik right on the front cover rocks!!! How awesome is that?!

    I am spreading the word, also. I took the book to craft night & showed it around, and today I showed it to my neighbor (mother of 2 boys), who said she may need to buy it, also.

    Please consider coming to Delaware and signing my book.

  67. Cassie says:

    Now that I have your attention I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate the honesty of your blog. I just tried to read a parenting column in the news paper and it was all “have rest time after stimulating activities and plan plan plan, everything will go perfect if you plan” BARF! LIES! Thank you for not treating us like mindless morons, for talking about poop and for just being real!

  68. Jess says:

    Hate to say it, but the pooping peeping doesn’t stop when the boys get older. I dated a guy in college who would regularly either call in his brother, or have his brother call him in, to see the “epic” creations in the toilet. I never understood this. Boys will always be boys apparently.

  69. Leigh says:

    The flower fields are also cheap fun, and right next to Legoland. Wagon rides and “mining” for precious rocks 🙂 Congratulations, I’m off to FINALLY buy your book!

  70. Amy says:

    Finally managed to order your book through the book depository (yay for being available in Australia!) Keep up the good work – I LOVE your posts.

  71. Dawn says:

    I work for the company that operates the Encounter restaurant at LAX. Maybe I should have waited to see if a crappy story came up about it before I admitted to that. I was there two weeks ago 🙂

  72. deneen says:

    MAN POOPS!! hahahahaha! its been awhile – best was when my middlechild (boy) cheered for the youngest (girl) for her man poop in the little potty! he was convinced that was the day to get rid of the little potty … we had to get it out of the shed quite quickly as the youngest kept falling in the big toilet … in fact she’s 10 now and everyone always says “dont fall in” when she announces shes of to the washroom …

    i ordered my book awhile ago and as i live in Canada things are slow … i got an email saying it had arrived at my local store but THEY CAN’T FIND IT!!!!!! yup, some employee has probably absconded w it!!! grrrrrrr!!!!

  73. Lizz says:

    My daughter is the number 2 and I can definitely see how it affects her. I swear she is a poor sleeper so she can come downstairs and play without her older by three years brother mess with her!

    I bought your book today on amazon! Have to say this is the second copy I bought, one was for my friends 30th birthday. I agree with the free on the Internet sentiment and I love this blog so much I had to get it! I’ll make it my early Mother’s Day present! 🙂

  74. mijjones says:

    i’ve never gotten the whole “check out my poop” thing that so many people seem to be into. but high-fiving for achieving a man-poop is understandable lol

  75. Jezzy says:

    Your book has been ordered. I await with bated breath.

  76. Tara Erskine says:

    haha!! 🙂 This is my two boys for sure!

  77. Melinda says:

    When Crappy Boy said “Why? Because it’s worse?” I was so afraid the next part was going to be him coming to the conclusion that Crappy Baby was worse cuz he was second! So glad it took a different turn! 🙂 Nothing like two brothers bonding over poop LOL Wonder what my girls will bond over….

  78. Hazel says:

    Awww – that’s praise indeed from your older brother. isn’t it great when they ‘get along’? Mine do for like a few nanoseconds at a time, then it’s back to antagonising each other.

  79. Devan says:

    My girls are about the same age as your boys and the oldest is CONSTANTLY making everything into a race or contest, which of course, she wins cause she’s older. Then she shouts it right in the babys face… “I WIN!!” It’s terrible. I am all the time trying to tell her to “let” her sister win or better yet, don’t make everything into a race!! Why can’t we just ride bikes down the hill and say “YAY! That was fun, let’s do it again”? As for the poop, EPIC! Mine have not taken to looking/comparing/contesting that yet…maybe they will maybe they wont. I won’t point it out, as they don’t have filters or low volumes for public places. 🙂

    I have bought the book, and a second…I think I will go get a couple more, just thought of some more friends that would love it! 🙂 <3 Devan

  80. Eva George says:

    Love it!

  81. Lydia says:

    I got the book, then discovered my husband had also bought it to me as a birthday present, so now I have to wait a whole month and a half for it to be my birthday so I finally get to read it!
    Grr birthdays suck sometimes…

  82. Valeria says:

    I like “poop man” a lot but I like better my elder one’s “poop mama, poop papa and poop kid” when he was 3yrs old.

  83. Nathalie says:

    Adults do this too on (visit at your own risk!)

    I have a question about your book. I don’t have kids, and I love your blog. I was thinking about buying your book for some friends who are pregnant. I don’t want to come off like “having kids is so hard! You’re going to be so miserable” especially since I’ve made the choice not to have any.
    I realize your blog/book doesn’t focus solely on the bad, but there is an awful lot of “look how funny the bad stuff can be!” Do you think it would be appropriate to give parents-to-be the book?
    I promise to still buy your book, even if you say it’s not a good idea for parents-to-be. I have friends who already have kids. And a cousin. Oh…. Christmas shopping in April! I’m on it.

    • Genevieve says:

      I think the book would be a great gift for the parents-to-be. At some point, parents will encounter many of the things in the book, in one form or another, whether they have boys or girls. Amber has a way of making the worst moments funny, which is something every parent needs. You learn you are not alone. Plus, it’s better than one more receiving blanket. (Not that they aren’t great presents, but we got about 40 of them for my first child.)

  84. MamaS says:

    I will be laughing all day about this post! Man poop and turding are two of my new favorite words. You could probably write a book compiled of just poop stories and Number Two innuendos. May I suggest you title it “Turding”? As always, thanks for the chuckle.

  85. Jordan says:

    my twin sister and i weren’t good at sharing anything but the toilet- wed sit on it at the same time! it was cute….
    -your number two fan

  86. RJ says:

    Geting #2’s happening on the potty has been a big struggle for my 3yo DD….but in the last 2 weeks it’s all clicked (thank goodness!!). But now, she takes great delight in telling me what [she thinks] it looks like-

    ‘Look! It’s a fish!’
    ‘Look! It’s a carrot!’
    ‘Look! It’s a rocket!’

  87. Jill says:

    I bought the book tonight–you had me at $131. It’s the least I can do for the daily dose of entertainment you provide, and I know I will love it, of course. 🙂

  88. Celeste says:

    This post made me smile. LOOK WHAT POOP I MADE!

    That should be on a onesie.

  89. Lou says:

    Ha ha ha ha!!! My stepson had a breakthrough moment when he did a poop so smelly his Dad was impressed (for want of a better word…) It’s amazing what big smells can come out of such small boys!

  90. Amy says:

    Bought the book last week and it arrived in the post yesterday (YAY!). I hadn’t had a chance to really look at it before my youngest (by 5minutes, his brother being the ‘older’ twin) asked if he could take it upstairs to read.

    I had to explain to him that not all books are 7 year old appropriate. He countered that any book with comics in it must be made for children. Apparently adults have no need for graphic representation 🙂

    Needless to say, a little diversion was required – at least long enough that I can read it all before they steal it away and start conspiring to re-enact each picture.

    Thanks for being funny and for providing my children with fodder..

  91. Chrissy says:

    We call them “man poops” here too when they are especially impressive. On a totally unrelated note I am buying your book today and I am so stinking excited I can hardly WAIT!!!!!!! Its one of three mommy books I want so terribly, including “I just Want to Pee Alone” and “Mothering Comes Naturally and other vicious lies” But, your blog is my favorite, so I’m buying yours first! 🙂

  92. Joy G says:

    I’ve seen you in TWO different magazines in the past week and was so excited for you! Ladies Home Journal was one and I think the other was Parents. Way to go, Amber! I had entered a contest to win your book, so was holding out to see if I won before buying it. I didn’t, so as soon as I make it somewhere to pick it up (or to Amazon, I guess), I will!

  93. Daniel says:

    Ok, just received the book from Amazon, must wrap and give to my wife for Mother’s Day (earliest I’ve ever purchased a gift).

    I will now read the blog guilt free for a few weeks (would a few months be ok?)

  94. Daniel says:

    Ok, just received the book from Amazon, must wrap and give to my wife for Mother’s Day (earliest I’ve ever purchased a gift).

    I will now read the blog guilt free for a few weeks (would a few months be ok?)

  95. Brandee Lee says:

    I love your blog! I discovered it a few weeks ago, and I decided it would be best to start from the beginning. It’s been like reading a REALLY good book, I’ve stayed up WAY too late several nights because I just HAD to read one more post…and then one more…and then one more! And thank you for the distraction box idea. Now I have a little box of toys next to the changing table so that I can change Baby G’s diaper without him doing his lovely gymnastics routines. He’s 7 months old, and just can’t sit still. But having a few toys to distract him works like a charm! (wonder why it never occurred to me to have toys to distract him, o-well) It was my birthday yesterday, and since I’m all caught up on the blog, I’m going to have to treat myself to your book! I love your stories! Thank you for sharing them with the world!! 😀

  96. Candy says:

    Holy crap – this had me laughing so hard and thinking about my boys who are 3 years apart – 7 and 4 – and TOTALLY act this way as well!!!!!
    Awesome story!!

  97. Catherine says:

    Hi Amber – I love your blog, you make me laugh so much – thanks. I’ve bought five books to share with friends. Now they can wet their pants too.

  98. krystal says:

    Actually, being the older sibling is harder. Your parents are tougher on you. And my sister always told the whole world when I started wearing deodorant and a bra. It was terrible

  99. mrsmouthy says:

    Hey, congrats on the book. I bought it and read it and smiled the whole way through. What a crazy world of traveling and being famous you’ve fallen into!

  100. mariah says:

    With 3 boys, the fascination with poops and farts won’t end anytime soon. The oldest is very private with his poops and will flush before calling me in to wipe. When I asked him why he won’t wipe himself, he said he didn’t want to get the poopy on his hand. The current and ongoing contest is farting on each other. It’s all fun and games until someone sharts (a man shart no less) his underwear on the way out the door to school. Try explaining that to his teacher about why you’re late. Sorry, M- was farting on his brother while getting into the car only it was a shart.

  101. I was playing with my kids and proclaimed of our then-one-year-old son, “It’s [BoyChild] the Magnificent!” and GirlChild (then four) replied sardonically, “The magnificent at *what*?!” She’s usually much more supportive, though…

  102. Laura says:

    Hi Amber! I bought your book (and your Motherhood Comes Naturally). So far I love it! I haven’t gotten very far yet (darn kids of mine), but I did want to tell you I totally read page 8 while I was in the bathroom. No joke. It’s about the only time I get that’s even remotely to myself!

  103. Julie Y says:

    and now I have a reason to go to the LA Times Festival of Books! **so excited to meet crappy mama!**

  104. Anneliese says:

    I am living your same problem (one child more competent than another). You would think it’s the child talking to her younger sisters, but NO! She is an awesomely supportive big sister. The shitty thing is, the two children in question are TWINS. So what am I supposed to say to THAT? I wish I could just say the one is older. One child is gifted and the other is a very lovable, very affectionate extraordinary yet also normal kid.

    • Lana says:

      the good thing about twins is they usually are still very close and will grow out of the competition thing. Your “normal” twin will eventually find something that she can do that her sister can’t. There’s always something even if she hasn’t found it yet.

  105. Nicole says:

    My husband just bought your book for me – I’m excited to read it!

  106. Julie says:

    Hey, got your book in the mail and I was really surprised. My husband said what I was thinking: “No wonder she’s only made $131. This is not a $16 book.” I wonder why you don’t charge more for it? Anyway, I guess I shouldn’t complain. I’ll take it!!

  107. Dave says:

    Poop is funny and will always and forever be funny, except when I have to clean up an accident. That’s not funny.

  108. Meagan says:

    I just want to say I am only 23, have no kids (only two nephews), and your blog cracks me up! I’m sure all my co-workers think I am crazy because I will read them while at work and litterally bust out laughing. I also bought the book for my sister that recently just had baby boy #2 and told her this is what you have to look forward to! Penis Pizza! haha. I of course read it all the night I bought it before giving it to her… I couldn’t help it.. All I can say is that you really are awesome