I realized that I have a three-part reaction to pregnancy announcements now that I have kids.
Two of my friends just announced their pregnancies. Their first pregnancies.
This post is only about my reaction to first pregnancies. People announcing second or third or more pregnancies are different. They’ve already joined the parenting ranks so they don’t count. (Sorry guys.)
(I’ll also be skipping my reaction to when someone announces to the entire world that they peed on a stick ten seconds ago and they are pregnant and what does everyone think of ‘such and such’ for a baby name. All I do is worry about miscarriage. But that is my own personal baggage and it is heavy so I’ll leave it on the curb.)
My Three-Step Pregnancy Announcement Reaction
The first step:
I feel sincerely happy and thrilled for them. I get all giddy inside. I imagine them picking out tiny outfits and seeing a first smile and hearing a first laugh and wow, they have no flippin’ idea how awesome this is going to be.
A baby! I’m so excited for them! I want to hear all the details!
This is followed shortly by…
Hmmmm, I wonder if I can offload some of the baby gear gathering dust in the garage.
Then the second step kicks in:
At first I wondered if what I was feeling was jealousy. It isn’t. Not exactly. I don’t actually want another baby. What I do want is impossible. I want to travel back in time and experience those firsts all over again.
Hold him in my arms for the first time. Watch him turn into the Ravenous Bugblatter when he finally latches and nurses for the first time. Laugh as Crappy Papa changes his first diaper and he poops immediately after the new one is put on.
These things feel like they happened yesterday. And I distinctly remember experienced parents telling me this same damn thing when I was pregnant (successfully) for the first time. Now I’m on the other side.
So in a way, yes, I am jealous. Jealous that they are on the cusp of experiencing these amazing firsts while I only can visit mine through memories.
Then I continue on my trip down memory lane until it is interrupted by someone yelling across the house to wipe their butt.
Which brings me to the last step:
I could have toned this down by writing “how much they’ve just ruined their lives as they know it“. But you guys knew what I meant.
Nobody can fathom how much their lives will change or how it will affect them. The change travels in both directions too – good and bad. And experiences vary so widely that you can’t make accurate predictions. Not even for yourself.
But one thing is for sure, pregnant friends, say goodbye to the life you’ve lived up until now.
Welcome to Parenthood. Suckers.
Oops, I meant…
“Congrats!!! I’m so happy for you! Hey, do you want my stroller?”
PS – HUGE thanks for pre-ordering & signing up to receive your signed bookplate sticker yesterday. And if you are on the fence, half of them have been spoken for so you better jump down and join us. Careful! Hold my hand! It’s greener here in stickerland.
And all the messages from non-US people who can’t get a sticker but pre-ordered anyway… thank you. I can’t get you a sticker so now I owe you a glass of wine, tea, ouzo, beer, glog, schnapps, vodka, coffee, etc. or whatever you are drinking where you are.
PPS – Also the recs on the Books & Kids post are rocking my world. Getting our first crappy reader favorites stack from the library tomorrow.
Oh, how I miss those moments, from changing my sons first diaper, breastfeeding for the first time, the first time he cried, the first time he pooped, his first bath…Now I feel nostalgic too, aaah, memories!
I remember the first time mine pooped in the bath. I miss the other stuff. That, not so much. It’s amazing how it goes EVERYWHERE.
Ugh. My 1.5 yr old is a repeat offender with the bathtub poop. He just happily sits there like nothing is wrong. His brother at least had the courtesy to hand it to me and say “uh oh” when he did it the 1 and only time.
My repeat offender screams and runs from his poop. I’m trying to get it out of the tub before it disintegrates while trying to pull my toddler down from the wall he is clawing frantically at. I don’t have any clue why he is so terribly afraid of it…it’s heartbreaking and terribly funny at the same time. At least I don’t have even a second to think about how gross it is that I just put my hand around a turd.
Nothing clears a bath faster than a “code brown” – ha!
1st time my first pooped was all over me, just as the doctor had taken him out and placed him on my belly…I think I’m all good for those particular memories.
Oh boy. Was it the thick tar poop? I remember experiencing that! (Thankfully not on me)
I so hear you. I know the hard way a line on a stick doesn.t mean a baby and some people just don’t get it
I have the same baggage.
Gah…. I feel this way everytime someone tells me they’re pregnant before the 12 week mark. I prefer to not hear about it before 20 weeks when I start thinking “could they be?” Otherwise I just end up constantly worried for them, especially if they’ve been trying for a while or have had difficulty before. I’ve never experienced a miscarriage, I just have had a lot of friends experience that heartbreak. Well, and I’m still traumatized from reading “What to Expect when You’re Expecting”…
I don’t want to know early. Start of the fourth month seems about right. My mother and her friends always believed it was bad luck to tell anyone other than the father before three months.
Something to consider perhaps… Things go wrong at any gestation. Speaking from experience and a very late 2nd trimester loss, I was glad that people knew I was pregnant because I needed the support system while i grieved afterwards. If no one had known, I would have had to carry that alone (with my husband) and I’m not sure I could have come out of it. That’s just another humble perspective.
This is EXACTLY what I wanted to say. I have friends who have had stillbirths, so by this logic no one can ever be excited about being pregnant. I always announced early in the first trimester because if I did lose the baby, I wanted people to know what I was going through (and also know not to ask “So, when are you going to have a baby??”). So please, those of you who are acting like it’s a “naive thing” to announce early in your pregnancy, know that oftentimes it’s very well thought out and just be happy for the person (and then grieve with them if they do in fact lose the baby).
I have to agree. I waited til the “safe” period, only to find out my child had died weeks earlier without my knowing. Im glad I shared the news. I think it is way too painful a thing for women to go through alone, and since sharing the news I have had multiple women in my life approach me as they too go through the same thing. It needs to be spoken about! For mental health purposes women need to know they aren’t alone!
@ Sarah (March 13, 3:59pm):
I had exactly the same experience as you… waited diligently until 12 weeks to tell friends & family, only to find out at 13 weeks that the embryo never progressed past 7 weeks. I was devastated obviously, but I was glad that friends were able to support me in my grief, and that workmates were understanding of my absence from the office. I’m now a staunch believer in talking publicly about miscarriage so that people are aware that up to 1 in 4 clinically-recognized pregnancies miscarry (not to mention the “chemical pregnancies” that terminate before the woman is even aware she’s pregnant).
I guess it’s different for everyone. When I had my first misarriage in week 8, I told my mum afterwards, and she had trouble hiding her joy that “at least we were trying”. I also had a late miscarriage in week 19 and I thought it was very hard to see everyone else be so sad, I had enough with my own grief, I did not want to console my parents for example. For me it was hard to first experience their joy of a sibling to our son, and then see them fall from joy to deep sadness when all I wanted was to hide from everyone and cry for myself! So for me, the fact that “I want people to know in case something happens” doesn’t help at all.
But in theory I like the idea of actuallly taking the opportunity to be happy as long as it’s possible! I just don’t seem to work that way in practice 🙂
I’m a holding my breath until 13 weeks kind of person. Three sets of that baggage is heavy!
I’ll ask how you captured everything in my head so perfectly, I don’t even know you! ;0)
I have two little guys and more failed pregnancies than successful ones. Friends and family know not to mention pregnancies till they are at least 20 weeks with me, otherwise I lose sleep for them. 🙁 Having baggage sucks.
I’ve had 2 miscarriages. I had always heard the traditional 12-week wisdom. I was student teaching with the 1st pregnancy…etc….so I maybe let on more than was wise (I was excited, after all, and figured hey, they need to know if I am sick)…but no public pregnancy announcements, no no NO! And it turned out to have been a good idea. With the current one, we announced at 10 weeks (after hearing the heartbeat), more at my husband’s behest.
The other thing I thought interesting was that Miss Manners or someone made a reference to how LITTLE time there is between the happy union that produces the pregnancy and the pee-on-a-stick time. She suggests that waiting a little longer puts more time between the personal event and the announcement…something like that. I know I can’t word it right, but I kind of agree that there seems to be some decorum in not announcing as soon as you pee on a stick. 🙂
I cringe and feel physically sick when people announce before 12 weeks, OR at the 12 week mark, stating that “we’re in the safe zone, so its ok to tell people now.”
I know the hard way that there is NO “safe zone” having suffered the heartbreak of losing our first baby (after 2 years of trying trying trying) the day after her due date. She was stillborn at 40 weeks 1 day. Utter devastation doesn’t even come close to it.
3 years later we had sticky-taped our hearts back together enough to try again…and (through IVF this time) suffered a miscarriage at 11 weeks. Heartbreak again.
2 years later…through IVF for a second time…we finally did it, and brought home our rainbow baby, Myah. She is just 10 months old now, a happy, healthy bouncing baby girl.
I am so sorry for your losses. Congratulations on Myah and may you be blessed with joy in her daily. 🙂
I feel the same, Sarah. We lost our twin daughters at 35 weeks, 3 days before I was booked for my c-section. I’m happy for pregnant people but I worry until they have their baby in their arms. You never want anyone to go through that loss, but if you’ve been through it yourself you know that it’s all too possible.
On a positive note we also came out shining with our daughter Madeleine who is now 3 🙂
I too have the sad baggage with a loss late in the 2nd trimester. I feel the same way about the cutesy photographic pregnancy announcements and gender reveal parties. I think they concentrate too much on material stuff rather than the baby itself. And as you’ve pointed out above. The pregnancy is only a very small part of a long, difficult and rewarding journey.
I’m not saying don’t tell anyone you’re pregnant before 12 weeks. But maybe just tell the people whose support you’d want if something did go wrong. I’ve had friends who’ve found out the hard way that it’s really horrible to have a conversation about losing your baby with almost strangers.
If we ever manage to fall pregnant with no 2 I’ll be waiting until 20 weeks to tell people and then only people I know. No ultrasounds posted on FB for me.
Completely agree, unless its someone I’m not that fond of… Then I just go straight to #3, ha!
This is exactly how I feel. Exactly!
I thought it was jealousy for a long time too! Then the reality would hit that I really DON’T want another baby (especially now that both of mine are nearing 5 and 7, yay independence!). I just miss being able to snuggle them in my arms. <3
N.2 made me get all teary eyed…..I want the same, impossible, beautiful thing. For a day, with no poop, vomit, crying in hte middle of the night……but I do.
I shed tears at #2 also! My second is 4 months old… I just wish I could slow time.
I’ve always wondered if Crappy Family would ever introduce another into the clan… guess that answers my question 🙂
Yes, me too.
Yes! Seriously, that pretty much sums up my reactions! I especially would love to have not ANOTHER baby but my two babies all over again. And the smugness. I’m with you there too. My first baby is 11 today -wild.
My second baby will be 30 at the end of the month.
Word. I’ve got some of that baggage too.
Also, THIS: “Hmmmm, I wonder if I can offload some of the baby gear gathering dust in the garage.” THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS!!!!!!!!!!!
My little guy is only 15 mos old and I’ve been offloading stuff since he started outgrowing it at only a few weeks old. It doesn’t remove the temptation to have a #2 but it does put up a financial hurdle to replace it.
This has been my plan too, when the drive-thru lady at Starbucks starts bugging me to have a second child again (seriously) . “Oops – don’t have any baby onsies anymore. Guess we can’t have another one!”. That and we have no room, especially with all the cr*p for 3-6 year olds our friends have given us for our 2yr old to grow into….
Jenn and Lacey,
I follow the same plan. They tend to back off when I start talking about the cost of college. I usually get the look “you are thinking about college”, they are just focused on today. Kids are expensive!
I have to disagree with you here- I have 4 and all I get are comments on the horrors of paying for weddings and college. I’m of the mindset that we have always been taken care of and always will be- one day at a time. My parents raised 8 children and while none of us had a college savings account, they helped us fill out multiple scholarships if we were interested in college- 4 of us graduated college and the other 4 did other things with their lives. SO, I’m on the other side of the fence where I think people plan way to much. But that’s just me:)
Thanks, dude. I’m due in 18 days.
Congrats! Do you want my stroller? xoxo
(If you read this blog you already know what you’re in for. No smugness towards you required.)
I have boy’s PJs and a stroller and my friends are trying to get rid of a crib and I could also give you some bottles with unused nipples and… and… and…
Yeah, I’m sorta jealous of your snuggly wee one. Mine is 15 mos and too busy to snuggle unless he’s sick.
Although it will suck at times it will seriously be one of the most wonderful joys you can ever experience, enjoy every moment of it 🙂 The good and the sucky lol (And this is coming from a mother who is currently up at 6am dealing with a 8 month old who is thirsty and hungry so screaming the house down but won’t drink his milk, and a 2 year old who is sick so been was a grump yesterday cause she is so tired from not sleeping during the day for past 3 weeks, yet I looked at some photos of them last night and was sad to see them growing up so fast, and remembered the little things that happened yesterday that makes me so happy I AM their mum 🙂 )
say goodbye to your current life, privacy, showers or baths anytime you want, trips to the store anytime you want, late night strolls, the movies for a few years, a clean home, things being in tact, spare money, etc. lol.
But just try to enjoy everything because it does go quick. I miss holding my little girl when she was a cute little baby before she could grab my deodorant and run off to eat it and paint on the wall with it.
Ha, Sarah you are SO right! The other day I was day dreaming about going to the grocery store – alone. I wouldn’t trade my son for the world, but I would loan him to someone I trust for an afternoon. Then the guilt sets in…I won’t even start on the guilt a mother feels.
I hear you. I went to the grocery store alone this morning as all 3of my kiddos slept in woohoo!. And it was a new experience. No one begging for stuff, whining about a sibling, complaining about stuff I won’t buy or trying to climb out of the cart.
And i was done in less than 30 min. What a treat!
Same here!! And I’ve also had a miscarraige, so I find it hard to be too excited before 12 weeks up (I try to be though and try not to let them know about my baggage!!)
Same here, I miscarried once at 20 and once at 13. You kinda want to tell people to wait to get excited, but at the same time no one wants to hear that.
My husband and I were just talking about this yesterday. Our advise to those in a hurry to have kids, “enjoy freedom while you still can!”
Lol! THat is sort of how it goes. Though my second reaction after “Wow, great” is a mental “Don’t you dare rain on their sunshine! Don’t you dare mention that expecting a baby does not equate to having a baby! just be happy for them!”
Yes, exactly. I keep the worry inside.
I am so glad to know I’m not the only one still wiping poopy butts lol! My son is 4, fully potty trained and yet there are days he insists I wipe his butt after a poop. Luckily it’s not anywhere near as bad as a poopy diaper butt but now it feels like I’m wiping a grown man’s butt lol!
I also get that baby urge whenever a pregnancy is announced. I loved being pregnant and loved the infant stage. Then the hard part kicked in 🙂 maybe one day I’ll be able to do it again. Just gotta find that husband first 😉
I feel for you HS! I have an almost 5 year old daughter who still wants me to wipe her poopy bum. I refused to do it for awhile and she just didn’t wipe. I also have a 7 month old so I know what you mean about how it feels like I am wiping a grown person’s bum. Ha!
Everything you wrote is so true! 🙂
Did you just reference Hitchhikers? You were already the most awesome blogger on my screen and you just raised your cool factor by 42.
My thoughts exactly – just when I thought you couldn’t get any better, you throw that in there!!!
I haven’t seen nor read Hitchhikers ever but yesterday my husband threw out a Ravenous Bugblatter reference related to a FB post about kids not being that good at playing hide and seek and now today, you make the same reference. Maybe I’m missing something or maybe not 🙂
Ah … to relive the first time she pooped into my husband’s hand and it ricocheted all over the wall, window and crib. It was hard to be helpful while doubled over with sobbing laughter, but I think he forgave me. Eventually.
I think people assume the true, blessed joys of parenthood are found in the first smile, the first coo, the first “I love you!,” but they show up in all sorts of unexpected places — like in poo spots found on the wall a year later.
Yes to all of that! Also…the fantastic nerdery of referencing the Ravenous Bugblatter has totally made my day, thus far. You are my people. 🙂
LOL! I know the nostalgic/touch of jealousy thing well, even though we have two kids and don’t want more… I just want a BABY.
And I also cringe when someone blasts it out to the whole world that they just found out they’re pregnant. Terrible personal experience, and I feel ya on that one. 😐
I like your reactions – all of them! My 3-year-old son also yells, “Wipe my butt, Mommy!” from down the hall…
New parents are so innocent! I understand your feelings about announcing it right away – I waited a while to announce my second pregnancy because the first one ended in the third month. When I see little babies now, it makes me nostalgic too for when mine were little. But I do enjoy getting a normal night’s sleep – at least some of the time.
I just wanted to say I’m sorry for your baby loss. I think that same thing, I panic and want to tell people to wait just a few more weeks before telling everyone. But I smile and say congratulations instead, and hope they never have to learn the hard way. I love what you do here so much, and am so excited to get your book for every parent I know.
I often think that I want to travel back in time and experience the first pregnancy again. The magic of the anticipation. We’re not done yet (hopefully), but even so… I know that next time will be a much different experience, owing to already having a toddler and yes, baggage from a loss (which came after my first).
So spot on!
I’m with you on the worried reaction when people announce it too soon. Very hard to take BACK the news if it doesn’t work out but I never say as much as that is coming from my own miscarraige experience.
Yeah- It is a painful thing to ‘untell’
I’m kinda ‘disappointed’ there won’t be a new ‘crappy’ addition, lol 🙂
Not get get all sappy but your blog really does make me smile in the midst of a lot of sadness in my life… Seriously.
Hahaha… My first thing is “Congrats!… are you staying at home or going back to work? If you’re going back to work, start saving and looking NOW because daycare is expensive and you’ll be on the wait-list already.”
I went on the waiting list with my company with both my 3rd & 4th. When they wanted me to start paying (to hold the spot) 3 weeks before youngest could get in (12 wks), I said nevermind and let my MIL watch him till we moved 4 months later. Stayed home for 2.5 years to keep from having to pay daycare.
LOL, yes exactly!
This is spot on. I’d only add that my first piece of advice is usually something on the lines of “Sleep while you can. Bwahahaha!”
omg all my friends are having babies this week (like 5 of my friends) and i feel a little jealous. I wanted 4 kids but only had 3 due to health scare with my youngest.
I miss holding a little baby, I miss the little cries, i miss the cute little clothes and i miss them not being so sassy. Babies arent sassy at that age.. Now my 3 girls are sassy and drive me nuts
Hehehe. Love it!
Such timing! In the last 2 weeks, I have had 3 pregnancy announcements. Only one for the first, and I always feel the same way. You hit the nail on the head about it not exactly being jealously..
My core group of mom friends are all pregnant with #2, except for me. I had my second last April. We’re done. They are my army of pregnant ladies and I am the retired general.
LLOOLLL retired general!!
Hahaha, this is SO true!
I’m 28 weeks with our first (a boy). I feel like your blog helps prepare me for the reality of what’s coming up! I make dh read a lot of the posts and we laugh over how screwed we are 😛
I hugged my 9 month old sitting next to me in your honor. 🙂 I always try my best to enjoy the happiness of these moments and not under appreciate them!
thanks for the reminder of all the stuff I get to look forward to in ~ 18 weeks ! it’s been a while – 4 years.
yes, after a m/c at 8 and 10 weeks, I found it difficult to get excited (for the 2nd baby) even after passing the 14 week mark. people got excited when we finally ‘announced it’ but I’m still kinda neutral. I will have to see this kid first, then I will be excited.
lol! You crack me up! For me, it depends on WHO it is. When my younger sister finally gets pregnant, I will be as giddy as I was when I got pregnant the first time. She’s been trying for a long time and we’re all praying it happens soon. 🙂
Having kids (we’re hoping for #4 soon) majorly changed my life….being a parent is the biggest blessing I’ve had yet in my life. Each brings challenges, but even more joy.
I fly through the first two reactions, straight to number three: *Sinister chuckle* “Now they will know how easy they had it. Now I no longer have to be jealous of their carefree lifestyle. Now yet another couple will join the zombie ranks of the overworked and underslept! Mwah haa haa!”
(I love my kids and plan on one or two more, but I’m just sayin’…)
DUDE! Dude.. Hitchhikers reference, YES! Also I’m totally mean and I tell expectant parents all about the up-in-the-middle-of-the-night, poop explosions, terrible labour parts of having a baby. I’m educating the next generation! I wish someone had warned me about all that stuff. 🙂
If you’re interested, here’s one perspective on making pregnancy announcements early: http://shovedtothem.blogspot.com/2011/04/why-we-tell.html
I have the m/c baggage as well, and I agree with this. No one knew and then I m/c right before Mother’s Day, and spent the day meant to celebrate motherhood pretending like everything was ok and feeling alone in my grief, while at church and then with family there were smiles and kisses and love all around me. And so many of those people would have shared a hug with me instead of just walking by. So I get the fear, but I tell close family and friends now.
Yep, I had a miscarriage ON Mother’s day once (as well as too many freaking other times). Sucks balls. x
so sorry to hear that I only had one between my 2 gals ,years ago and am stil grieving on a level..be kind to yourself and allow yourself to grieve don’t let any one belittle that loss..stay strong
I feel like such a jerk. I immediately feel #3 and typically start laughing uncontrollably. It’s not like I don’t love being a mom, but ho ho ho those newbies have NO idea what they’re in for and their sappy ‘we’re so happy’ faces just make me laugh harder. Pray for my eternally damned soul.
HA! This is what I feel too..all happy and OMGosh can’t wait! Then I get baby fever for a minute..to which my husband promptly responds with no..we still have a baby/toddler. THEN reality kicks in and I’m exhausted and sick of the never ending mess and this ha suckers. Welcome to my world >:D lol
me too -though baby is 20months and we can barely keep energy up for her an d7yr old..but the little weight when you hold one and the smell of their newbaby heads…aaah…
I love this! My standard response is “your life is about to change” with an evil laugh running through my head.
To be honest, my first reaction is “Bah ha ha ha! Suckers! You have no idea what you’re in for!” Then my second reaction is, “Nah, their baby probably won’t be nearly as hard as mine was. They will probably luck out and get one of those quiet, easy babies I’ve read about! Those jerks!” Then my third reaction is, “I must stalk their FB to see if they will be anywhere as near as good a parent as I am!”
LOL! Thank you for your honesty. The second thing is definitely part of mine!
My first reaction to first time parents is always “You do know this is FOREVER, right? Cuz no one really made that clear to me. I mean… I knew it, but I didn’t KNOW know it. So, just to be clear, this is your child to take care of and love unconditionally no matter what they do FOREVER. And yes, that means you’re never going to have a peaceful night’s sleep ever again….”
So true. I didn’t get the forever part either until now that my little one is 19 months old and I finally realize I can’t be running off somewhere by myself for a long while.
Haha! That is perfect. Oy…I relate to this post from both sides of the fence, since at this moment my 5 year old is reading quietly in the next room (yay, independence!) and my “surprise” is rockin’ in my belly. He’ll be here in the next ten days or so. Heaven help me. For the last few weeks I’ve been fervently wishing that I DIDN’T know what was coming and I could go back to the blissful ignorance that was mine before my first was born!
With our first we didn’t say a word until I was well into the second trimester and didn’t share the name until it was written on the birth certificate (mainly ’cause we didn’t know ourselves). With my second, I decided to blog about the pregnancy as soon as we started trying to conceive. Weird? I mainly did it because I was so freaking mad that the first time around nobody warned me about all the crap that comes with being pregnant. It was all “that’s wonderful, ah – the pregnancy glow, the hair & nails, the magic, the sex-drive, blah – blah.” Nothing about puking daily, sick through the entire pregnancy, unable to even kiss my husband for 9 months without running to the bathroom, varicose veins, hemorrhoids, weird discharge, insomnia and resulting loathing of the whole pregnancy & the poor fetus. It’s not like I want to spoil it for other women or be overly negative, I just want to let them know it can be hard and miserable, and it is OK for it to be hard and miserable.
I had hyperemesis Gravidarum with my pregnancies too. It’s very common and while I had a sex drive and was happy mostly anyways. Feeling like you have a tummy bug for 40 weeks sucks ass. I was relieved when I delivered my 2nd at 38 weeks. (no induction and he came really fast)
I hear you. This is my first, and at this rate this is going to be my last! I so looked forward to pregnancy, for years it was the one thing I truly wanted. Then I was sick as a dog and bled throughout my first trimester, and was worried all the time. Then at 19 weeks I started having lots of contractions that just haven’t stopped. Now at 23 weeks I’m scared all the time about delivering early, whether my little boy will make it, and sad for the blissfully ignorant pregnancy I haven’t been able to enjoy.
It’s nice to hear from veteran moms that it’s okay to not love every minute of pregnancy!
::Offering a hug or a hand to hold::
I told only a few people (mom, selected coworkers, boss) I was pregnant because I started bleeding at 7 weeks and didn’t stop until almost months — my whole pregnancy was a threatened miscarriage. Then the bleeding stopped completely and I started to really enjoy being pregnant; I was beginning to show and people were offering me seats on public transit and holding doors, etc.
Aaaaand my water broke at 24 weeks.
The next 8 weeks were spent on hospitalized bed rest. I went into labor at 32 weeks and my daughter was born via C-section due to my own physical complications (another story entirely).
Many weeks in the NICU ensued, and I still didn’t tell some folks because I was afraid I’d lose her. (I’m the person who would rather bear it all alone than deal with the would-be sympathizers. Issues–I haz them.) But my kiddo came home a week before her due date and she is now a mostly-okay 7 month old.
I’ve been through that scare and wish I could promise you that things will be okay, but since I can’t, I just offer my hope, support, understanding, prayers and virtual hugs.
Thank you for the support. It’s so nice to realize how many kind people are in the world!
I was terrified to get pregnant again. We wanted another baby, but I was literally hyperventilating just thinking about it. It turned out the second pregnancy has been worse yet, because the hyperemesis is more severe, and because I know from experience that so many things can go wrong, but I think emotionally I am handling it a little better. Probably because I knew what to expect. It’s still not easy, but it’s not as shocking. I really hope the rest of your pregnancy will be healthy and run smooth for you. And please know – it is totally fine to be scared and sad and upset when you find yourself in a situation you are describing. Of course it is!
This may be not your case at all, but if you are interested, here is a link to one of my blog posts. It talks about me adjusting to motherhood once the baby was born, after a hard pregnancy. I wasn’t immediately crazy in love with the baby and it took me a few months to bond. I love him to bits now, but as I said, it was an adjustment for me. I have since heard from many women who had the same experience and were happy to hear that they were not alone and weird. http://andreachmelik.blogspot.com/2012/04/when-motherhood-doesnt-come-naturally.html
It’s awesome that you were able to write about that! Thank you for sharing your story with me. I know it doesn’t change our situation, but somehow it’s easier to bear knowing that there are other people that have gone through hard times and come out the other side.
Not last Tuesday but the one before (9days ago) I had a sudden miscarriage in public and almost bled to death. I wasn’t planning another baby just yet but it still sucked. Only narrowly escaped a blood transfusion. Unfortunately I couldn’t hide that one at all. Strangely enough I feel okay about it though.
not any consolation at all I know but just saying.. whatever happens you will cope. That’s what people do.
very resilient we women are.
Lana, that is terrifying. I hemorrhaged 11 days after giving birth, and it was one of the scariest experiences of my life. You are right about the resilience. All the best to you!
Oh, I am so sorry. How scary. I hope you’re physically feeling better, that sounds like a lot of l
1.5 Liters approx, I’m feeling weak but otherwise ok. I didn’t grieve until I was all alone in the hospital room after everything was done. And even then it was more tears at my own public humiliation than loss of the surprise baby. It’s a weird emotion to explain. but I was really glad no one knew til I miss carried coz that would’ve been worse. Instead it was just my hubby to notify
I hear ya about the whole 10 seconds later thing. Having had 2 miscarriages and 3 chemical pregnancies, I cringe when people announce it so early. I did that once, and then when I lost the baby in the second tri, it was terrible fielding questions about the baby. So I never told people again about being pregnant. But now, having lost others since and suffered alone through the most difficult experience a couple can go through, I’m not sure which is better.
My reactions are the same. Only my memories of the “firsts” are tempered by sheer terror and the feeling that I had absolutely no idea what I was doing but flying by the seat of my pants. We had preemies twins on our first (and only) round of pregnancy. So we actually had more “firsts” than most – “first” breathing without oxygen, “first” change of diaper while wrestling with tubes and wires, “first” erratic heart rate, etc. The twins are 3 now and I am just getting my terror under control. 🙂
I make sure not to say that ‘just you wait’ or ‘enjoy the stuff you’ll never get to do again’ stuff to first-time parents now that I’m on the other side because I remember how much it drove me nuts– especially after the hundredth parent tried to ‘warn’ me. Ha ha, yes, life is over, ha ha, I don’t know what I’m in for… ha ha.
We have the same fantasy!!! I say that every mother needs a time machine to visit our children at each age and stage. Not to keep them little but to be able to enjoy them again at each version of the person they are/were.
With both my kids there was a day when they were less than a month old where I sat holding them in the rocking chair and sobbing that it wasn’t fair that they could not stay so perfect and tiny and precious forEVER.
Why are you not my next door neighbor?
Oh, hey, can I trade in my sticker…er, I mean, bookplate…for a cocktail? I didn’t know that was an option! Kidding of course. The bookplate will last much longer. 🙂
Ahh yes… it has been a very “fruitful” first of the year apparently. i’ve had a lot of those first time preggies come up and i kinda go through these too… But i go through a second set of these when people ask “is this your first?!” ummm no… i’m expecting #3 right now. See those two over there? “oh..i’m so….sorry?” and at this point all i want to do is walk away. Cuz this one is super special as it’s my last and it’s had a hard start these past months.
#3… the best! My know it all sister who based all things baby based on this friend of hers with the perfect pregnancy and perfect labor and perfect baby that slept 20 hours a day just had her own baby- complete with morning sickness and 2 days of horrible labor and a baby that NEVER sleeps. She is no longer telling me I’m ‘dramatic’ and I should just ‘suck it up’. Ah karma!
I always say that I don’t want another baby- I just want to go back in time & really enjoy all those baby things, not just make it to the end of the day.
Right now (three kids and done … no, seriously, tubes tied – DONE) I’ve got a sister-in-law announcing every little thing on facebook concerning her first pregnancy. She lost her mucus plug yesterday … I know you were just dying to know that. She’s 38 weeks, and she is OH SO MISERABLE because her doctor refused to induce her yesterday. As much as I love the girl, right now I just want to smack her across the face and say, “Buck up, Baby, we’ve all been there, we’ve all been through it, and when you hit 41 weeks – when I had my first baby – then I’ll show you some sympathy.”
My older sisters reaction on my first pregnancy announcement was following. “Hmmm.. Congratulations, but if I would find out that i’m pregnant now, i’d fall in a deep Depression”. She already had three at that point. So I guess the reaction depends on how many kids you have.
I have the exact same reaction to pregnancy announcements. Especially the first.
Sitting here reading this with my 6 week old #2 falling asleep in my arms. I (try to) enjoy all the first times. But what I really like about the second baby: what ever it is that’s annoying right now – you know it will all get better/different eventually (and be replaced by other annoying things, yep I know)
Even with 3 grown children, and 2 grandchildren I still want a baby when I see a pregnant woman! I loved that miracle. #4 ended in a miscarriage right after we told everyone at 12 weeks. A year later I had to say goodbye to my uterus with a hysterectomy and that almost destroyed me more than the miscarriage….losing that place where I grew my babies. I get it, and I’m telling you, I don’t think that secret longing ever goes away. Now I live vicariously through my kid’s and their friend’s pregnancies and babies and really like the fact that I don’t actually have to raise them, just enjoy them!
Ha, I have the exact same reaction to pregnancy announcements. Except I skip right to, “Suckers!”
Ahhh… This is so true! I had my first and then all of my friends started getting pregnant. I’m waiting for my “Well, we have this book, this book and this book to make sure our lives don’t change that much” friends to have their kids and get that wake up call. 🙂 Then I can laugh. And laugh.
Or when my sister had her 6th and everyone was just like “Seriously???” It was kinda depressing.
And the pregnancy test thing… I hear you. Several months of pregnancy tests, fertility treatments, and I’m terrified to tell anyone about #2 until we’re well into the 2nd trimester but some people I know are posting positive sticks on FB and “4 weeks today!”
I totally agree with you – baggage and all! My daughter just turned 4. I swear she was just a bump-on-a-log newborn just last week. Time flies!
I try to convince myself I’m just nostalgic, but I honestly think I’m jealous. I NEED to convince myself it’s nostalgia, cause baby is only 10 months and #1 is 3, and I must be crazy if I’m itching for another already!
I had such bad pregnancies and deliveries, I feel sick when people tell me they are pregnant. Then jealous, and a little annoyed when it goes well-the “why mes”
On the up side, Laying here in bed with my darling little girl-she is 17 months old and teething….she has just gone back to sleep while waiting for the new Pope (it is 6am here in Australia) would not trade my experiences for the world.
I also feel all 3 ways, but not in the same order as you. My feelings are #1 smug (and secretly wishing their kid will be as difficult as mine!), #2 nostalgic, #3 happy. I delivered my one & only at 27 weeks, so my jealousy kicks in when mamas pass that point in their pregnancies, especially when they complain about the third trimester (I didn’t have one!) & having “so many more weeks to go.” What I wouldn’t have given for an extra couple of weeks of pregnancy… And as for the ones who announce within days of conception – I have to refrain from saying what I *really* want to say!!!
bwahahaha. dying. So very true.
Haha I love the link to the Bugblatter.
I would be superstitious and not tell everyone after immediately peeing on a stick, so I don’t blame you. And I haven’t even tried to get pregnant!
I rarely comment on blogs, but I have to comment on this one. The night my firstborn made her appearance (yes, the very first night!) my husband blearily moaned (at 2 am), “My life is ruined!” We laughed and laughed. Thirteen years (and two more wonderful, priceless babies) later, we still laugh about it. But he maintains that it was also entirely true, and I see his point.
I usually feel somewhat like this too but the thing is, there are soooo many families out there that I know that somehow look like their lives have gone on just as though they never had kids – – even though they sometimes have even more than the 2 that I have! I often think it’s due to the fact that neither me nor my husband have any family closer than a 13 hour drive away. I often think it’s because I am a “stay at home” mom that also tries to make money doing freelance and by babysitting. It’s just one more reason that I love reading your blog posts – – at least someone out there has had their life “ruined” !!
Being pregnant with number two, I got teary eyed on #2. I know exactly what you mean, a few friends just had their first children and I find myself going through the exact same steps and ending on the exact same conclusion 🙂 Excited for the next stage but know we’ve just introduced a whole new stage of chaos to our lives with new baby.
I love it! My boys are the same age as yours. I have a three part reaction to pregnancy for myself (we aren’t planning on having more kids we are sticking at 2). First pregnancy is planned, no wine, only eat healthy, take prenatal vitamins. Second pregnancy drink a large glass of wine, then take the pregnancy test. Third pregnancy (or pregnancy scare) drink an entire bottle of wine then pee on the stick. If it is negative you can open a second bottle of wine.
I always worry about the ones who announce the second the second line shows up. It is also my baggage after going through several losses. I am envious that I will never have that type of naïveté again.
I have miscarriage baggage, when people start going nuts telling people before they’re at least 12 weeks but am ok once 12-16 weeks have passed though unless you count my husband, my mum and my MIL I don’t announce my pregnancies EVER. I like just to keep people wondering and their advice off me.
I also have hospital birth baggage from my first sons birth. Lots a baggage but also lots of joy and excitement for them. And smugness because its not me…
this is amazing! i feel the same way when people prematurely announce pregnancy… i just live in fear until they have HAD their baby all healthy and wot-not! i have had the same thoughts about offloading good too. my baby clothes have clothed 15 baby girls..! *proud moment* money well spent!! annnnnd way too many girl babies…! :s
Someone said something about her sister having her 6th baby and people just saying “seriously?”
I can totally get that. I do not have 6 kids but I know a couple who want to have 7 children. (daddy an only child mummy only has one sister) and I’m like Good on them if that’s what they want to do I’ll be over the moon for them every time!! but SO many people just glare and think them “stupid” like they don’t know what’s causing it or like they’re irresponsible to have so many.. They don’t get that just maybe those (currently 5) children where all PLANNED
Yep-I have seven planning on an 8th if only booby monster would wean so I can get my cycles back and get similar responses. Seriously, nobody knows how much I wanted all these children.
well you can tell me.. and I will jump up and down and squeal for you
Me too. I’m one of five kids myself and my parents got grief about it. I liked it… mostly: it was better once my brothers weren’t revolting teenagers any more!
One of my girlfriends has had five kids too and the midwife said (during the last pregnancy) “So, let’s plan your sterilisation…” GF’s reaction was WTF, I am not done with having babies yet.
My view is, if you can afford ’em and love ’em and treat ’em well, have as many babies as nature lets you… and much sympathy to those who want to, and can’t.
I so cannot wait for my sister to have kids. She’s independent and loves to travel to exotic locals all the time. She also told me she wants four kids (“preferably two sets of twins”).
She has no idea what she’s in for.
OY!!! Two sets of twins! HORRORS! I adooooore being home and feel trapped by my two little kids sometimes. I’m with ya; can’t wait until my sister has a kid, too. Then she’ll “understand” (and, selfishly, my kids will have cousins).
Hahaha! I had a gf who wanted six kids, a singleton, followed by twins, followed by triplets. I was impressed by her ambition, if sceptical of the sincerity!
The jealousy/nostalgia thing! I would LOVE to have another pregnancy & infant… I DO NOT want another kid, which is what they turn into alarmingly quickly. I’d also have another teenager to deal with down the track… a prospect that scares the crap out of me with the 2 kids I already have!!
I know this post isn’t about miscarriage, but I want to chime in as someone who announced their early pregnancy to several close friends and a few friend-coworkers:
1. I am VERY glad I told people, even if I had to inform them about the loss. If I didn’t have that support in place, it would have been much much harder to explain why I ran out of a party sobbing…
Granted, I only told people to whom I was close or needed to tell (direct boss), and my workplace is a university department (=informal).
2. And no matter how many times I reminded myself of the very real chances of miscarriage, regardless of the things I refused to look at or buy until after 12 weeks (I wouldn’t even think about names), I was hit HARD by the miscarriage. Nothing prevented my sadness. So I’m going to enjoy the shit out of my next one.
Love this. Oh and by the way, saw you in Parents magazine today! Lookin good! 🙂
I agree with you on the pregnancy announcements RIGHT after finding out you are pregnant! I waited for the first trimester to be over in both of my pregnancies and honestly, I almost felt nervous announcing it after that too! There are so many variables and it is just plain heartbreaking to think of having to make that other announcement.
Had my second baby almost exactly a year ago. Things are going well now, finally, but she was such a hard baby compared to my first that now whenever I hear someone announce they are pregnant, especially with a second, I think, “nooooo! You’re ruining your life! Your freedom! Your sleep! You don’t know WHAT YOU’RE DOING!” And I do often envy non-parents who are fancy free and can actually GET bored, jump in and out of the car, etc.
Now I’m seeing a light at the end of the toughest year of my life and that it’ll be easier to do a couple “me” things again, especially now that I am starting to nurse less, etc. and can be happy for people again, but OY. It’s a ride, parenthood. And you’re right; you can NEVER have a clue until you have your own kid(s)!
I’m sorry you have baggage. I had a miscarriage (very early) when I was 16 and then had a stillbirth at 36 weeks (almost 10 years later). While I had come to think of the miscarriage as a blessing in disguise, the later loss brought up a lot of unresolved feelings.
On a lighter note, I totally agree about the nostalgic feelings! They grow up way too fast.
Offload some gear. That is my first thought every time. “Oh congrats! I may have some shit (I mean stuff) for you. “
You are a better person than me. I’ve been going straight to smug. Suckaaaas! But I do smile at all the cute tiny baby clothes at the store and wish I could buy more little outfits like those. Soon my daughter won’t fit into rompers, and I am really bummed about it.
Thanks got quite a great laugh before turning in. 🙂 you are simply “awesome”
I think I have PTSD from my twin’s newborn days. I try to remember to say “congratulations” before I say “good luck” to my friends pregnant with their first. Its not that I do not love my kids dearly… but you all know what I mean!! 🙂
Sometimes I wonder if you are me. Like somehow you’re in my head and/or stalking me and witnessing all aspects of my life. Our kids are even the same age. *shifty eyes*
I’m at 17 weeks and when we finally told people after my 12 week appointment, I was still afraid it was too early. I do agree with a group of women above who said they are glad they told (though still perhaps not too early), so as to have a support system. But however anyone chooses, it’s not lost on first-timers that it’s exciting, nerve racking, scary as s%&*, and life changing. Granted, I started reading this blog long ago, so perhaps I feel slightly more aware. 🙂 Perhaps to help us out, you can do a post on all of the baby crap we don’t need! I’d love to see your pictures and comments. 🙂
I have a very hard time keeping my mouth shut, and pregnancy is THE most exciting news to tell. But the one question that helped in figuring out who to tell I was pregnant, before that magic 12 weeks (although I would probably wait until 20 weeks if I’d do this again…) “Who would I be ok with telling the pregnancy didn’t work out?” It made my list of people to tell VERY small… But all the important people knew right after we did.
I’m 51 and way past menopause…but lately (probably cos of my grandbaby) I’ve been wishing I could have another baby.
and it’s only cos 1. I want to pop it out on the loungeroom floor on my own and
2. I’d give most anything to breastfeed again.
so, kinda wistful but mostly REALLY glad it’s not possible.
There’s never a line we can cross that moves us into a safe time. First it’s 12 weeks, then mid 7th month, then birth. Then it’s when we’re watching them and we whisper “breathe!”, then maybe they’re safe when they return from their first school field trip, or an outing when someone else’s mom is the driver; or it’s when they call to say they love their new car/apartment/boyfriend and we ask the first part of our safety questions and they say “oh mom, I’m 18!” And then they’re in their thirties, about to give birth to your grandchild, and still you pray that they’ll be okay. There is no out-breath for a parent. And that is why we must focus on love. For every minute that we are their parents, whether it is one day or several decades, we get to love them. That blessing can never be discounted nor erased.
To some of these posters, it almost sounds like one shouldn’t announce their pregnancy until the baby is born!
I’ve had a miscarriage myself, and am presently 11 weeks along with my second pregnancy. I am looking forward to telling people, but I am trying to wait until after my 12-week scan. Yes, there is always the possibility that something can go wrong later in the pregnancy, and yes I will worry up until delivery day, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with announcing your pregnancy when you feel comfortable. It would be kind of strange to walk around with a growing belly and not mention being pregnant.
I do not plan on posting weekly belly shots or ultrasound pictures on my Facebook page (those things just seem really personal), but I do plan on making an announcement at some point.
I didn’t notify anyone except my boss of my pregnancies. Because I didn’t want to have to tell them “it didn’t work out” and then I was 20 weeks and I didn’t know how to broach it since it was so damned obvious what would I say? “oh and by the way I’m pregnant?” no shit Sherlock would probably be the response and I didn’t want their “advice” forced upon me at any rate. it was actually really nice just to go about my days quietly and then show up with a baby. It was only when I was 34+ weeks that someone dared to ask and I laughed at them.. well done.. you’re the first to ask is all I could say. NOT TELLING IS AWESOME!! 🙂
During my pregnancy I was estatic to be pregnant and I waited until the 12th week like suggested.
My mom had a stillborn son before I was born and would not allow anyone to have a shower for me before my little girl was born and would not allow things to really be set-up until she was here safely in my arms. Although I know why she did the things she did I ended up not getting a shower and not getting to experience some of the first time mommy things you do in preparation. I was also petrified my entire pregancy because of her loss in the last week of pregnancy. It didn’t get to really be the happy event it was supposed to be, top that off with 37 weeks of morning sickness I could have used the boost of feel good.
I know all of us carry emotional baggage for various reasons but I don’t think as women we should judge other women for when/how they want to announce to the world they are expecting because it can overshadow someone elses happiness.
no judgement here if people want to tell- their prerogative, it is however very emotionally horrific when t doesn’t work out. Which is why I will always congratulate them and wish them the best.. but secretly be worried until they’re holding their babe. 1 in 4 pregnancies doesn’t work out. That’s a lot of grieving mommies. So that means if someone has 4 pregnancies and 4 live births they’re doing VERY well.
As for myself I don’t tell because its none of anyone elses darn business and they want to touch my belly (I hate this) when I tell and it makes me want to ask if they’re gonna rub hubby’s balls and congratulate him too…
Of course ppl should do whatever they want there are advantages to both sides. 🙂
When I first glanced at the title, I thought you were trying to announce something. I must admit, for a while there I was a little excited to hear about crappy sperm, crappy uterus, crappy fetus, etc… Oh well. Maybe next post.
I think pregnancy troubles are something we should all share. I didn’t have the miscarriage experience, but we stopped after one successful pregnancy, so who knows what might have happened. I had problems getting pregnant. Two top specialists in my area said natural pregnancy wasn’t an option for us. After many years of hope, medication, even trying a kit (don’t ask) I came to terms that it wasn’t meant to be. Then I went to the general doctor (I never go to the doctor) for some pain or illness, I forget now because I replaced it all with anger. This doctor (a woman) kept telling me “you must be pregnant”. In her defense she didn’t know I’d been waiting years to hear that, but she shouldn’t have said it before seeing the results, that come to find out were negative. I was beaten and done watching everyone easily get pregnant. The next month it was my turn, I waited a week to say anything to my husband, or even openly admit that I “could” be to myself. It took me almost 3 months to believe it was real and I wasn’t dreaming. We thought about having a second, but we got our miracle and he is all we ever wanted and prayed for!
Oh my gosh. I seriously just had this series of reactions to a friend’s pregnancy news. I thought I was weird. Thank you for making me feel “normal”
i totally get smug. especially when i see all these first time moms (of newborns) who give the evil eye to moms with more than one kid and the youngest one is running around like a maniac. oh, they will get their turn.
Oh soooo true. Except, I really do think I’m jealous. I’m still trying to convince my husband that we need another one. Our first one wasn’t so easy in the beginning, HELL she’s still not easy. You’d think that after 2.5 years though he’d get over it…guess not.
I really want to say I luv this blog& I’ve been following lately. Here ƜЂε̲̣̣̣̥я̩̥̊ε̲̣̣̣̥ I live u don’t need to announce rather u allow your belly announce. U can ₪☺̥̲̥̣̣̣̥̲̣̥w̶̲̥̅ confirm what people see(though u may need to inform your very close family incase their help may be needed along d̶̲̥̅̊ line). When I see first timers I’m trully happy for them though I laugh at their new job title.
Yes, I have some friends going through their first pregnancies too. On one hand I’m so excited for them to experience all that wonder and joy, but then on the other hand I’m so happy I’m not going through all that scary first stuff again! Especially the “will my baby die in it’s sleep” year or so for SIDS… 🙁
I do miss my boys as little tiny newborns though. I can’t wait to hold some babies again!!
I have my own baggage, but not about miscarriage (bless all your hearts, what a terrible loss. I read every comment and had tears in my eyes.) Anyway, I feel immediate compassion for anyone who announces a pregnancy because with hyperemesis, my months of pregnancy (both times) were the very worst times of my life. I love my boys and would do it again for them, but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t pray for any possible way out, especially the second time when I knew how long and unrelenting it is. It’s hard for me to get that other people actually enjoy their pregnancies.
I’m in the same boat. When people say they love being pregnant, my first thought is “freakin massochist!” I had to put ultrasound pictures by the toilet so I could remember that I was sick for a good reason.
Awesome! I have a friend who was always really smug about people getting pregnant and being all happy about it, and I remember her being like towards me and I wondered what her problem was. Well, now I feel the same!!! Another one of those things you can’t knock till you’ve been there!
I had the opposite reaction to the smugness. We got so many classic comments like “Enjoy your sleep now!”, “This is what you have to look forward to” (like cleaning a poopy diaper), “Oh, a boy?! Good luck; boys are such a handful!” And a stranger at the grocery store: “It’s going to be so much more expensive than you think.” It was so discouraging; I want to be happy that I’m pregnant. I already know it’ll be difficult, but even if I don’t, it’s almost nobody’s job to make sure I know how hard it will be. Just keep the smugness in your thought bubble, like Amber! Now the expensive handful is 9 months, and I don’t yet feel like being smug.
I have always said they should make condolence cards for new moms. “I heard you were expecting. I am so very sorry to hear. The first three months pretty much are the worst. Love, Carrie.
excellent. i might have to use this.
Ha ha! So true. I did feel jealous when hearing first pregnancy news after having two…so much so I went and had a third. Third BOY. Now I live in a frat house. I love the drawing of you in nostalgia phase.
all BOYS here too. I’d like a girl but not so badly that I want to try again. At least not right now
Ha. I jump straight to smug.
I always gasp. I manage to stop myself before offering condolences, as I realize they’re excited and I should be too. Oopsie poopsie!
Is it bad that I jump straight into birthing horror stories? Maybe I should try keeping my mouth shut… 😉
Yikes! Yes! All the “seasoned” moms at my place of employment did this to me. When I let it slip that I was birthing at home they doubled their efforts. I actually ended up quitting that job because of the stress it created.
Luckily both births went very well, though the first was very long, frankly, because I was afraid to move after hearing all those stories.
Besides my husband, who was as clueless as I was I did not have a big support group. My mom died when I was in my teens and I am more of the type to have aquaintances rather than close friends.
Yes! It’s the worst!
I have no idea if you actually read all these comments – I can’t imagine how you’d have time to! But someone described to me recently how every aspect of having kids is similar to each aspect of having been hit by a truck. For some reason, this made me think of you! Do with it what you will – but I know it would make a really Crappy Post… 🙂
Oh brother. Everyone is different. All this peeing on the parades of women who “tell” early? Ridiculous. If you don’t want to tell, don’t. But why concern yourself with what other people do? You couldn’t possibly know their own experiences our outlook. My cousins just lost theirs at 19 weeks. Neighbors lost their 18 month old child. Should we all have no joy in a world filled with risks, known and unknown?
I am not quite even nine months in yet, and I have the nostalgia already, too! It does make me want another, but definitely not yet.
Also, I totally hear you on the baggage at the curb. I had four early miscarriages before a successful pregnancy finally brought our son. People acting like a positive HPT equals bringing home a baby STILL make me twitch. I would never wish my shitty experiences on anyone, but I can’t imagine that kind of taking-it-for-granted. Must be nice, and I hope as many of them as possible are right about it…sadly, we know better.
Not that it is a competition, but I have this thought when I see unmarried people kissing or even holding hands. Don’t they know that this only leads to marriage and children and the end of life as they know it??
sometimes it doesn’t even lead to marriage.. Most of the girls where I live end up with 1-3 kids BEFORE they’re even legal. And to all different dads. And then those kids grow up and do EXACTLY the same thing. My children will not be dating until they’re moved out…
I always want to unload my kids’ old socks on unsuspecting expectant/new parents. Some of them even have mates (the socks, not the parents… heeeey that works for both!)
I totally agree. had my first miscarriage in September and am 19 weeks pregnant now. I waited until 10 weeks to say anything but even then I was afraid it was too soon. when people announce they are pregnant and are only 5 or 6 weeks I feel so afraid and nervous and feel like they just don’t understand the delicate balance of human life. this is my second little person and third pregnancy and i’m enjoying it more than anything remember that knowledge. and everything else you said too!
My strongest poop memory was when my daughter projectile-pooped (breast milk poop for extra splatter effect) all over my hand (and the change table, the floor, the crib skirt, and possibly the wall–not sure, the memory gets hazy on the clean-up details) as I scrambled for a clean cloth diaper for her bum. I had no idea that poop could feel so hot that I would think my hand might sustain a second-degree burn. Ew.
I love ur blog!
Funny and extremely heartfelt. I totally agree with you on pregnancies. For me, my worry was for a safe pregnancy as well. I am now a happy working mother of one. Your baggage was as much as mine.
If fate will allow me, I would love to have more. But things are never always within our control.
Thank you for this blog and yes, your book is in the bag.
Good job and keep sharing!
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Try being a person that can’t have children when you really want them. Then this blog entry basically looks really shitty and whiny.