Food bloggers. Ever think you wanted to be one of those?
It seems easy at first.
Make a food thing. Take photos of the food thing. Post it on your blog. (Money and shiny appliances follow!)
I eat things each day. You probably eat things each day too. We are already doing all the work!
Look at this:
I am halfway there already!
This would be a huge problem for me.
I can never remember to photograph edible things because they are just too edible.
However, even when I do remember to take a photo this happens:
Food photography is a serious art. I can easily photograph raw fruits and vegetables and sometimes cookies but everything else looks like barf.
Also, I am extremely lacking in whimsical plates and colorful napkins and rustic wooden tables and fresh flower centerpieces.
I do not want to style my food. I just want to eat it.
I am also pretty terrible at making notes and I would never be able to actually develop a real recipe. Mine would say something like, “You put a little cinnamon and a little bit of ginger and a few pinches of salt and I think I put a 1/4 cup cocoa powder but maybe it was 1/2 cup, I don’t remember”.
But these reasons are not why I couldn’t become a food blogger. (Though clearly, I couldn’t.) I couldn’t handle being a food blogger because of the comments.
This is what I have noticed…
So many allergies, so little time for the blogger to test out the recipe 50 different ways for you. For free.
I especially love it when it is a recipe for something like, “Coconut Cake” and someone comments that they “have a coconut allergy” and what should they do?
Um, how about use another recipe?
Next, I am not sure I could handle this:
Because in both scenarios, it is obviously the blogger’s fault.
Next up, everyone knows that their way of eating is the best way.
The “one-upping” on health food blogs is especially fun to read. I, for one, only use organic baby alpaca oil.
There are also so many questions. Food bloggers are usually really polite and attentive and answer all the questions. Even the stupid ones.
Some people should not be operating ovens.
Last, but not least, I have drawn for you an ACTUAL comment that I saw yesterday when I was looking at pie recipes for Thanksgiving:
What is the creator of the recipe supposed to do with this? Apologize?
“Sorry you didn’t like it. Maybe it’s because it is made of pumpkin.”
Wait, as a bonus, I thought of one last reason why being a food blogger isn’t as easy as just eating stuff.
Imagine that food blogger #1 works for weeks perfecting a very unique recipe. Testing it. Tweaking ingredient amounts. Eating it over and over! Finally, they announce a “Beet Blueberry Vanilla Layered Thing”! It has never been done! It’s new and amazing and everyone loves it!
Two days later…
Five other blogs come out with their Layered Things. They shift around the titles “Blueberry Vanilla Layer with Beets” and “Layered Vanilla Beet Blueberry Surprise” but everyone knows it is the same damn thing, despite the 1/4 teaspoon difference here and there and that added cherry on top.
I mean, if even I notice this as a casual observer, how does everyone not stab each other with forks? (I know, I know, not everyone does this and the good food blogs will cite their inspiration sources which is totally different and awesome and everyone is inspired by everyone and nothing is really new anyway and blah blah blah, nobody cares.)
So let’s give some love to the food blogs we follow and love.
Helps if you add if the blog focuses on desserts/healthy/vegan/gluten free/Soylent Green/paleo/Thai/insects/meat lover’s, etc so people scanning comments can seek out words that apply to them if it is not obvious from the blog name.
Wait, I DID write a recipe on here once. I guess I am a food blogger. See Buttcakes.
Baby alpacas are not harmed in the making of baby alpaca oil because it is not a thing. I just wanted to talk about alpacas.
Sorry, I can not link to my own favorite food blogs because then they will have to get defensive and publicly state, “No, I do not feel that way about my lovely commenters.”
Opinions expressed in this post are my own, not the opinions of actual food bloggers who love you and love your comments always.
Except the stupid ones. Always.
Yes, this entire post was made as a way to ask for your food blog recommendations. I’m in a food slump. One can only eat so much pumpkin and kale and white bean soup that looks like barf. Please help.
Oh, and I have this spam blocker thing so if you include a bunch of links and get the “your post will be approved after moderation” or whatever it says don’t fret. I will approve it after making sure it isn’t a list of links for viagra. Those recipes are usually terrible.