Learning From Poop

It has been a long time since I had a special outing with just Crappy Boy alone.

As part of our outing, we go to a little cafe to have lunch together.

We are waiting for the waitress and Crappy Boy starts fiddling with the sugar packet box on the table. It has regular sugar, those pink and blue sugar substitutes and brown packets of turbinado sugar.


He asks to try the ‘turDinado’ sugar. He says ‘turd’ instead of turb’ so I chuckle a little when I answer. Because I am five.

He notices.


He asks why it is funny and I explained that it was because he said ‘turd-inado’ and ‘turd’ is funny in the context of a name for sugar.

Blank stare.

So I ask:


Well that explains it.

He doesn’t know what ‘turd’ means.

I have no idea how this escaped his vocabulary.


His eyes widen and he realizes why I was laughing. It was a poop joke!

Then he tries out using the word in a sentence.

But he says it a little too loud for a cafe.


I’m trying to shush him but I also can’t help but laugh because he is using it slightly wrong.

Me laughing makes him laugh.

His next sentence is even louder as he laughs:


The man at the table next to us looks uncomfortable. As one should look when a child announces “Help! I’m turding!”

Crappy Boy quiets down and I explain that the word isn’t really used that way. We have a lovely discussion about nouns and verbs over lunch. How ‘poop’ can be both but ‘turd’ is only a noun. We come up with several more words that can be both. He is fascinated by this! (Fish. Balloon. Grill. Here is a list.)

After our plates are taken away and we are waiting for the check, he suddenly remembers what started it all and says:


He tears open the packet and is thrilled to discover that “poop sugar” is brown.

I’m thrilled to discover that it turned out to be a lovely lunch.

On the car drive home, we talk about turbinado sugar and why it is brown and where sugar comes from. I tell him about the trip I took to the Dominican Republic years ago and seeing sugar cane fields. We talk about other plants that are sweet, like the stevia in our backyard that he always eats and on and on and on and….

The moral of this story?

You can learn a lot from a poop joke. Who knew?

If you like reading posts here and feel like pressing a button, there is still time to vote for Crappy Pictures here in the Top 25 Funniest Moms list by Circle of Moms. You can vote every day, once every 24 hours. So if you did it once before and thought it was tons of fun you can do it again. Here is the whole list so you can see all the funny nominees.

This entry was posted in crappy pictures, food, good stuff, language, learning, outings, poop, six. Bookmark the permalink.

84 Responses to Learning From Poop

  1. Marija says:

    BROWN sugar.

    ‘nough said.

  2. Angela S. says:

    Hilarious. I had to stop reading halfway through so the auditors here at work don’t look at my computer to see why I’m laughing so hard! I love when kids love poop jokes!

    • Kari says:

      We have auditors in today too! But I had to take a break half-way through so my boss wouldn’t catch me laughing! You know an accountant isn’t working when they are laughing at their desk.

  3. Rachel says:

    “Help! I’m turding!”


  4. What a wonderful real world teaching moment! I laughed so hard I may have turded a little….

  5. Sometimes I think we are living parallel lives. I just wrote about a visit to a coffee shop with my son. Fortunately, no potty talk was involved. In fact, the only problems with poop jokes came at the hands of his younger sister.

    Coffee shop visit:

    Potty mouth princess:

    And, in case you’re wondering, it seems that poop jokes are universal (or at least as common in Japan as in the US)

  6. In fact, poop discussions are much more common in Japan. Check out the pictures in this one. Trust me, you’ll love them:


  7. Oh, this is wonderful!

  8. tara says:

    Hahah I love that he said “Help! I’m turding!” Does he normally say help when he has to poop? ๐Ÿ™‚

    Also, you are very smart. I would have to look up what turbinado sugar is….good thing I don’t have kids.

  9. Lana says:

    what a great day out. ๐Ÿ™‚

  10. Help I’m turding is going to pop into my head and make me smile all day!

    I love the smile you drew on yourself on that picture, it’s perfect!

  11. Help! I’m turding! lmfao

  12. Anne Aponte says:

    You should be a home school mom, if you’re not already.

  13. Gretchen says:

    This is awesome! I love those little golden moments with my kids, too.

  14. Kari says:

    Poop sugar. Oh boy. I’m sure that will come up in conversation again! Have fun next time you go to a restaurant!
    Oh, I need to go vote for you! Don’t forget to vote, everyone! ๐Ÿ™‚

  15. Kate says:

    Tis true that you can learn a lot from poop – I just had to look up turbinado sugar as it certainly hasnยดt reached Spain yet (and I never came across it in England either!) but am now surprisingly well informed.

  16. Shea says:

    LMAO! I have to turd!
    I affectionately call my children little turds, so they’re very familiar with this word and it’s uses :

  17. tarah says:

    “Help, I’m turding.” Should be a shirt!

  18. Jen May says:

    I cannot wait for your book!

  19. Dawn says:

    Oh, my, how you make me laugh! My son is just starting to talk and I look forward to innocent / fun conversations that can turn into lessons. Children have natural curiosities about the world around them and learning through fun is the best way to go.
    Thanks for doing what you do!

  20. Lenore says:

    I would like to purchase a t-shirt for my 3 yr. old son that says “HELP! I’M TURDING!”, please. He wears a 4T, and his favorite color is green.

    I will mail you a check for $19.95 plus shipping and handling. ๐Ÿ˜‰

  21. Tara says:

    This is great…. my favorite part is when you said “because I am five” …..I say this all the time when somebody asks me why I find innapropriate things funny.

  22. Katie Seelinger says:

    Seriously some of the most beautiful parenting I have seen in a while. Downright hilarious, of course, but so nurturing and accessible. Kids keep us on the edge of our wit and fast thinking skills better than a special tactics force.

  23. My wife will kill me to learn that the reason I wanted another baby was because, with 2 kids in their teens, I was fast running out of the chance to make and hear poop jokes. ; )

    Thanks for a much needed laugh, today!!


  24. Erika says:

    I just asked my 4 yo if he knew what a turd was.
    His response…”turd, hmmm, turtle!”
    I think I’ll leave it at that. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Love all those great teaching moments that sneak up on us.
    Love your posts Amber, can’t wait for the book.
    Any chance you’ll be coming through the Boulder, CO area on your book tour?

  25. Stacey says:

    Hilarious (as always)!

  26. Betsy says:

    Right before I read this post I asked my 12 yo to put away the mustard while cleaning up after dinner. He then asked me if I “must-turd”…poop jokes never get old!

  27. Heather says:

    I’m so disappointed that poop is not on that list ๐Ÿ˜‰

  28. Wired Mommy says:

    So he learned something and he thinks your the coolest mom.

  29. Cortney says:

    My daughter had a blast when she found out what “crap” meant. She ran around singing, “I have to CRAP!” “Was that a CRAP in the toilet?” etc etc.

  30. Aimee says:

    This is hilarious. I’m guessing I have a lifetime of similar themed conversations in my future.

  31. Emily B. says:

    My nephew’s vocabulary was strictly controlled (up until he started preschool). His favorite insult/tease was calling people “silly brown squares”. He called his chex wheat cereal “brown squares”. Not a bad twist of creativity, for a child who didn’t know the word poop till he was 4. Poop kindof trumps everything else now, which is a bit of a shame.

  32. Annette says:

    You’re not 5. Poop is funny. Or maybe I’m also 5…

  33. Kim says:

    Reminds me of the time we were putting up my sons planet mobile and Uranus would not stay on. My son kept saying Uranus keeps falling, Uranus won’t stay up, etc. Like a little kid I kept giggling until I finally had to explain to him what “your anus” was.

    • Hannah says:

      My son’s planet mobile hangs at exactly the right height for me to bump into that particular planet. Saying “I just got hit in the face by Uranus” to my husband never gets old.

  34. Woolies says:

    We have a dog named brown sugar. Well, we call her Sugar. Long story. ๐Ÿ™‚
    Please make a t-shirt that says HELP I’m Turding!

  35. Courtney says:

    Oh my goodness, that was one of the funniest things I’ve read in a long time! My oldest is almost two and a half and I foresee this happening to us too! He already thinks he’s hilarious when he toots so I can only imagine! Thanks for the laugh ๐Ÿ™‚

  36. Jessica says:

    My 2 and a bit year old has started her own poop jokes. She comes up to me and says “I’m pooing!” And we are just starting the potty training merry-go-round I ask if she wants to go potty or toilet, she says no and we wait and then check her nappy and she’ll go “ha ha just smells!” And runs off on me.

  37. Risa says:

    Awesome post! I’m glad he could learn so much from his mom being a 5 year old hahaha

  38. Jennifer B says:

    I am so happy you posted this. It makes me feel like I’m not that bad of a parent… which, I know, sounds like I’m criticizing you… but I absolutely am not. I think you are awesome! I have a hilarious time making “fart noises” by teaching my kids to blow on their arms during Thanksgiving. It started when I was an older kid and entertaining my nieces and nephews by doing the same thing. It’s kinda a tradition for me… while waiting for the meal to start… so, of course, I had to teach my kids. We laugh and laugh at the most realistic sounding ones… and some of the unrealistic sounding ones. My mom thinks I’m crazy.

  39. Heather says:

    Who turded?
    Did somebody turd?
    I think I might have stepped in turd?

  40. sian says:

    Oh god, I’m crying with laughter!

  41. Ricci M says:

    My nephew has two older sisters who taught him the word turd. He turned it into turd-le so now when he has a pooped diaper, he tells everyone he has “turd-les.”

  42. Cindy says:

    Too funny… thanks for the much-needed laugh!

  43. Beth says:

    Tears streaming from laughter as I read this to my husband.

  44. Valerie says:

    You are great mom! To turn a poop joke into a lesson…. genius!

  45. juliet@boutiqueeyecare.com says:

    Love the noun/ verb list!! They need to add poop to the list ๐Ÿ™‚

  46. Did he really call it the “poop sugar”? That is awesome. I had to teach my son to say “number 2” for poop when we are out in public…we’ve had a few too many disapproving glances from older gentlemen. lol
    p.s. I keep voting for you. You should be #1. I’m only #46. ๐Ÿ™‚

  47. Caroline says:

    Never heard of turbinado sugar! I live in England where brown sugar has the totally un poop related name; Demerara sugar.

  48. Archer's Mum says:

    In Australia we just call it ‘raw sugar’. No opportunities to turn that into a poop joke, sadly.

  49. Tanya M. says:

    Great, awesome, hilarious post!! And I love your response, “Ha ha, Shhhh!” I’m enlightened and entertained… and still laughing. So great!

  50. Dave says:

    Awesome story. And thanks for reminding me that it’s important that I set up a lunch date for my wife and my oldest son. Those are important bonding moments… and once that kid hits middle/high school, he’s not going to want to go to lunch with his mommie.

  51. Andrea says:

    My daughter once told me that she was so embarrassed when I was “horning” her from the car to get her attention. We had a good laugh over that one. Kids love it when we can relate to their humor. It strengthens our bonds.

    • Devan says:

      LOL! This is so funny!

    • Devan says:

      I had to come back to find this, today in the grocery my daughter (3) talked me into one of those God-foresaken car-carts. She was singing happily in there, making up her own words to “the wheels on the bus” and she was beeping the little horn singing, “The honkers on the bus go beep, beep, beep” I just giggled and let her keep singing, she was so happy. I thought of this post about “horning” instantly! ๐Ÿ™‚

  52. Chris Carter says:

    Such a cute story!!! What a FUN lunch with the little guy!! ๐Ÿ™‚

  53. Claire says:


    Here is another thing you can learn from poo. http://twitpic.com/3zreo0 If you eat glitter and you are a dog, you can do a sparkle poo.

  54. Tracy says:

    You kill me! So hilarious!

  55. mijjones says:

    the moral reminds of the musical episode of the tv show scrubs. it has a song – “everything comes down to poo”


  56. neo says:

    Oh my gosh. My husband has the same sense of humor.

  57. Chris G says:

    Oh Amber!
    I’ve been reading your blog for ages, but I really love this one. Sometimes I feel like such a crappy mama cause I LOVE poop jokes, and I think farts are hilarious. All the other moms I know teach their kids that these are “bad words” and you’re not allowed to say them.
    Thanks for being my kind of awesome ๐Ÿ˜‰

  58. That’s such a sweet and funny story!

  59. Sarah J says:

    I cried laughing at this, trying to not wake my baby who is dozing in my arms.
    Love your posts…

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  61. Baaad momma! says:

    Craptastic! My writing partner and I love your stories and illustrations so much! She has 5 grown up kids and I have one. Your stories bring back such good memories. I swear I’m going to IM ‘Help, I’m turding!” right before we go into a meeting because, well, you know, we’re only 5 : D

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  63. Marlene says:

    That is the most delightful “turd” story I’ve ever read. ๐Ÿ™‚

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