I have two kids. This means that if one kid does x and the other one does y then I can conclude that 50% of all children do x and 50% of all children do y. This makes me a parenting expert.
Since I'm an expert, I've decided to start a new series called the Crappy Laws of Parenting based on my scientific research. Here is a countdown of the first eight laws. There are more. Tons more. But if I didn't stop at eight I'd never finish this post.
Crappy Law of Parenting #8 (belated poop warnings)
Crappy Law of Parenting #7 (volume control)
Telemarketer calls to get you to switch car insurance? Silence.
Husband calls to discuss dinner plans? Murmurs.
Friend calls to tell you a funny story? Slightly louder than inside voices.
Family calls to tell you about a cousin's heart condition. Yelling.
Work calls with concerns about your ability to work from home? Cacophonous shrieks. Deafening.
And so on.
Crappy Law of Parenting #6 (naps are never safe)
If you go to the door, it will be someone trying to sell you something you don't want. If you pretend to not be home, you'll find out later it was a friend bringing you chocolate and wine. She tried to call you, but your ringer was off.
Either way, it wakes up the baby.
Crappy Law of Parenting #5 (inappropriate art surfaces)
Crappy Law of Parenting #4 (the swearing parrot)
Crappy Law of Parenting #3 (video cameras and genius defection)
Crappy Law of Parenting #2 (quiet destruction)
Sometimes, sometimes what you find in the quiet will not be what you were expecting.
Crappy Law of Parenting #1: They will NEVER stop surprising you. The moment you think you have them figured out…you don't.
What are YOUR Crappy Laws of Parenting? I'd love to hear them and possibly include them in the next round!