laughing before & after kids

Although I'm sticking this in the Before & After Kids series, if you haven't pushed a baby out of your vagina recently you won't get it. Lucky you. 

This is what laughing was like before pushing a baby out:

Laughingbefore

 

And this is what laughing is like for a while, after pushing a kid out:

Laughingafter

 

 

This entry was posted in before & after kids, crappy pictures. Bookmark the permalink.

149 Responses to laughing before & after kids

  1. Alli Vela says:

    OMG!! This is so true!! hahahaha Love this blog! I’ve sent links to all the mothers I know bc it is the comic relief I need when Motherhood gets tough 🙂

  2. Betsi says:

    Very, sadly true. After a few more crotch parasites make their arrival it becomes a life long condition…

  3. Karla says:

    Don’t forget sneezing, coughing, bouncing on a trampoline!

  4. Heh. I didn’t push them out of my vagina, but I did carry twins to term, and yeah. I pee a little when I cough or sneeze. Not all the time. Just a random, happy little wet surprise every so often to remind me of my kids (as if their constant clinging presence doesn’t already provide plenty of “reminding”…).

  5. AH says:

    I would say the same thing about bouncy houses 🙁

    • Summer says:

      OMG! My friends totally made fun of me the other day b/c I took my kid to a birthday party at a bounce house. I peed my pants I was laughing so hard while bouncing…I’m never allowed on them again. LOL!! So glad I’m not the only one!

  6. Sarah says:

    Oh yeah… Definitely know this feeling well. Sneezing isn’t so great either!

  7. Danielle says:

    Sigh. Even with a c-section. I think it was a result of man-baby playing bouncy trampoline on my bladder for those last 4 months!

  8. Emily says:

    HA HA HA hahahahaha HAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAA. . . Now you’ve done it, honey! I have to go change now. Thanks a LOT!

  9. heather j says:

    This is not normal and we shouldn’t be treating it like it is. Kegels and squatting regularly take care of this.

  10. Kristen says:

    Just an FYI, even if you didn’t push the baby out of your vagina, you still will likely pee a little. It isn’t just pushing it out the vagina…it is the carrying the baby for 9 months that does it to you. Even mamas who went under the knife for their babies will still have some bladder issues post partum.

  11. Jayme says:

    trampolines… skipping ropes… hopscotch… All invented to torture moms.

  12. Karina says:

    Spot on, as usual! Made me laugh – luckily my bladder was empty. 🙂

  13. Sarah says:

    I love the way you look before – higher-up bosoms, curled hair, thinner waist.

    It’s amazing how accurate you can be with a crappy picture. x

  14. Elie says:

    Haha! I went in one too and had the same experience LOL (3 kids here!)

  15. Sarah says:

    That’s the grossest reference to a newborn baby I have ever heard…

  16. Alex says:

    I like the way your hairdo, clothes, and figure are different in the before/after drawings. So true. It’s allergy season right now. I have an extra pair of panties at work, just in case.

  17. Maria says:

    I know this and I suspect just about every other mom does, too. It’s still funny.

  18. Jennifer says:

    What a terrible & crude thing to call your babies 🙁

  19. christina says:

    Same is also true for coughing and sneezing!!! I have to cross my legs anytime I do either of those! 🙂

  20. Julie says:

    So sad, but true. And sneezing! It’s embarrassing…

  21. Jen D. says:

    Actually Heather J, that isn’t always true. It is a hereditary problem in my family, usually passes quicker on with those of us that have had children, but all around eventually. No amount of kegals, or those awful things that the doctor gives you to stick up there and squeeze on work at all. Lol.

  22. Anne Hoctor says:

    That is such a derogatory way to refer to your children

  23. Kim says:

    It happened to me the other day…only I wasn’t laughing…or sneezing…just standing there…sigh.

  24. Anne Hoctor says:

    My mum has what’s called a neurostimulator for pain control after a spinal injury and she found out at the clinic the other day that the company (Medtronic) now have one that works on incontinence.

  25. Seriously?

    Crotch parasites = funny

    And it’s from another popular blog site….

  26. Jessica Smith says:

    And this is why I can’t do jumping jacks. Hah.

  27. Kim says:

    @heather j – aren’t kegels for vagina muscles? Last time I checked, I don’t pee out of my vagina…

  28. D says:

    what a HORRIBLE name to call your babies. If this is what you call them on a blog where millions of people can read it, I wonder what you actually say to them to their face! my heart hurts for them.

  29. Heather says:

    I was okay after one kid but after the second one I cant do jumping jacks or jump on a trpoline. And when I go running I have to go right before I leave or I am in trouble.

  30. Brit says:

    That’s disturbing… your poor children. Who would want to be raised in a home where you’re thought of as a parasite!? Send them our way. We have more than enough love to go around

  31. Karen says:

    Kim,

    The PC muscle stretches between the pubic bone and the tailbone. When tightened, it clenches everything in its path, so yeah, it tightens your vagina but also your urethra. You know that kegels are good for men, too, right?

  32. Misty says:

    This is why I can’t run anymore!! *sob* I’ve been told it’s curable – supposedly there are physiotherapists out there that can help (I just hope it’s not a man). I have allergies right now and sneezing is not going so well…lol

  33. Amandaaustin says:

    Holy hell, this is supposed to be lighthearted and FUNNY. Do we have to take everything so seriously? Jesus.

  34. Nicole says:

    Pelvic floor (kegel) excercises and squats helped a bit, but 18 months later, it’s still SO true. laughing, sneezing, waiting too long to pee, it’s all teh same 😛

  35. No joke! After my first baby I thought I’d bounce back into shape by jumping rope!

    Holy Pee Flow!

    I decided then to pee before jumping rope and still wet my pants.

    Long story short. I gave up. I got fat. The end.

  36. Jacque says:

    I’ve had two and only had that problem when I was pregnant with my second (I have a tilted uterus and he was a big baby). After both kids I have been fine (no peeing while laughing, jumping, leaping, standing on my head, break-dancing, rock climbing, spinning, you name it!). But I did yoga, kegels, hiked, and lifted light weights while pregnant with both, and work out regularly now.

  37. cathy says:

    My neighbor came to the door the other day to tell me my dog was out of the yard. So I go after the dog. Running, peeing, carring a baby on my hip, cursing the dog.

  38. Jenn says:

    Actually, kegels are for strengthing the pelvic floor muscles, which do more than just keep you from peeing yourself. Last time I checked, my uterus was still inside my body, thanks in part to kegels.

  39. Yes I’m a horrible horrible mom because I have a “sense of humor” I don’t actually refer to my son as a crotch parasite…it’s a joke people….nor am I sure does Betsi….

  40. Angela says:

    Hiccups if it hasn’t already been mentioned. Yesterday I hiccuped and had a little wetness. I do kegels regularly and it helped immensely. But, every once in a while…I get a little surprise.

  41. Laura says:

    @A Facebook User, I applaud you… I would think the readers of this funny blog would know how to take a joke, but apparently not.

  42. Jema says:

    Actually, they’ve found that kegels alone are horrible for your pelvic floor – works the wrong muscles, like only doing bicep curls & not working triceps will give you a permanent curled arm. Squats + kegels are the new pelvic floor strentheners.

  43. OMG that’s the funniest comment ever!

  44. chelsea says:

    My mother had a little surgery along with her hysterectomy… they put like a hammock under the bladder. She was excited to call her friend and tell her how she can laugh and sneeze now and still stay dry.

  45. vanessa says:

    I’m forever grateful that I didn’t get the little bit of pee problem after pushing one baby out of my vagina. This definitely means I won’t be as lucky if we have a second.

  46. vanessa says:

    Okay, who linked Amber’s blog to unfunnymomswhotakeeverythingtooseriously.com ? ‘Fess up.

  47. Me says:

    Hmmm, well I’d rather be raised in a home with parents who actually have a sense of humor. I mean, who really wants a parent with the personality of dry toast?

  48. Bella says:

    LMAO…crotch parasites! That’s great!

  49. Me says:

    Ahahahahahahahahaha!!!

  50. Sandi says:

    Trampolines are the worst…but my gynie did a wonderful little procedure down under and no more leaky plumbing!!!

  51. Carrisa says:

    Just found a shirt that says “Sometime I laugh so hard tears run down my legs”… LOL Aaahhhhh…. the joys! ;0)

  52. Sandi says:

    It is normal!!! As normal as stretch marks, sleep deprevation and finding cheese puffs in your handbag!

  53. Sandi says:

    Hahahaha….love the End!!!

  54. weefrenchie66 says:

    just imagine what’s it’s like after pushing 3 kids out …………………………….

  55. jigsaw says:

    My midwife described my baby in-utero as a parasite. That’s what they are, they live off you. Lighten up! Nobody who is that mean to their kids in reality would make a joke of it on the internet.

  56. Heather says:

    Yeah I can sneeze 2X max. And I better be crossing my legs for the second one! By the 3rd I’m running to the bathroom…

  57. Jaci Kulish says:

    Oh man, this stinks so bad because hubby knows the tell-tale signs (crossing legs while standing) and he laughs at me every time. I usually have to remind him what I went through in order to get to that place and he shuts up.

  58. Andrea Olson says:

    I prefer to call my kids sex trophies!
    Id hate to have a mom who’s quick to judge and assume she’s better than someone over a funny comment on a sarcastic mommy blog.

  59. sarah vine says:

    I work out regularly, doing pilates and yoga and dance classes for YEARS. Not to mention those kegels and squats. And still, (worse when pregnant, due to hormones) when they want you to jump while holding the exercise ball above your head – just one glance around that classroom can tell you which of the women in the exercise class are mothers and which aren’t!!!

  60. sarah vine says:

    (It’s the look on the face, and the gentleness of the bounce that means we’re in the club….)

  61. StephanieH218 says:

    I had a C-Section….why do I still leak?? lol

  62. 3boysmama says:

    dang…I only got 3 participation awards.

  63. 3boysmama says:

    I agree!

  64. 3boysmama says:

    That’s awesome…I want a bumper sticker that says that!

  65. Judi says:

    Sex trophies!!! (whoops – I just peed a little bit)

  66. Judi says:

    Hmmm… dare I also mention the post-birth syndrome of ‘make sure no-ones standing behind you before you reach over to pick something up because you never know if a bottom-burp might escape’?

  67. Amy Kay says:

    Yeah, my mom had 6 kids…the last one being born in 1987. She can’t leave her house. Sneezing, laughing, singing along with the radio in the front seat of my sister’s car, walking through the grocery store, anywhere for any reason. It’s making me rethink the number of children I actually want to have.

  68. MamaCass says:

    Love this! Unfortunately though, this isn’t just limited to laughing…

  69. Another awesome blog post! I really think that the before and after series needs a post about Friday nights before and after! lol

  70. elin says:

    Yes, those darn bouncy houses! We can’t have any more fun! haha

  71. Eileen says:

    LMAO!!! SEX TROPHIES! I can’t wait to tell my husband that one!!!

  72. Yep… I notice if I kegel more it isn’t too bad 😉

  73. Sydney says:

    Ha! That’s hilarious 🙂

  74. My friend, who is pregnant with her second child, and I were just talking about this the other day. She told me she can finally relate to me because she can no longer laugh or sneeze with out a little pee coming out. The sad part about this is it took her two pregnancies before she parted peeing her pants from laughter, where it has taken me ZERO pregnancies for my to pee my pants. I’ve been doing it for years. And not just a little, but a whole lot. Like, all of it.

  75. gasmama says:

    squats? With *my* pelvic floor?

    Hahahahahahaha. Oops IJPAL.

  76. sarah says:

    HAHA, so true. I take my toddler to music and they always play this mrs Bunny song and make us bounce like rabbits and then hop on one leg around the room. All these kind of pained Mum’s bend their knees rather than bouncing.

  77. Harmony says:

    Actually Kegels exacerbated the problem for me. Squatting only fixed it quick smart.

  78. Coughing = peed a little. Sneezing = peed a little. Jumping = peed a little. Running = peed a little. Ahhhh….the “after” life is grand. 🙂

  79. kate says:

    because it’s not a funny comment … just sad.

  80. Emma says:

    Bahaha crotch parasite, love it.

    Gotta find the humour in it all, or we wouldn’t keep getting up to clean poo painting parties when 1yr olds figure out how to take off their nappies, or deal with the first time our baby boys pea in our mouths.

    Motherhood IS funny.

  81. Janine says:

    Please don’t use my Lord’s name as a swear word. I’m very offended. I do agree people need to lighten up but when it comes to Jesus – take him seriously.

  82. Or explosive-butt-hurt.com. There need to be browsers that censor out humor for those whose sensibilities are too delicate to look at anything other than their own boring faces.

  83. I totally blogged about peeing myself, so I GET IT, oh yes I do!

  84. Heather says:

    now THAT is funny! 🙂 The peeing my pants things is too of course, but this thread was getting a little too serious for a funny blog. Thanks!

  85. Marta says:

    So unbelievably true. I peed a little reading it and laughing =)

  86. Sara says:

    hahahahha, Holy Pee flow, you crack me up 🙂

  87. Becky F says:

    Everyday there is a new Crappy Pictures post is the best day of my life!

  88. Sally says:

    Oh I wish I could get through an entire Zumba class without thinking,” Time to focus on those kegels!!” Too funny, thanks for the laugh!

  89. Funnism says:

    Try 4! LOL

    I have honestly given up and wear pantyliners now for the little “drips”. Yikes!

  90. TiffK says:

    After reading all your posts, lol and having no opps, I figure I must be the luckiest Mom of 3 kids out there. Now when I was pregnant with each sneezing, coughing, laughing were all opps territory! You Gals made me laugh, thanks!

  91. Elysabeth Kapas says:

    Ha! I think you cursed me. After I read this , this I i started a non-stop sneeze/pee fest. My baby is 10 months and I thought I was in the clear. Lol!I love your blog. You are so clever and funny and its all SO true!

  92. Elysabeth Kapas says:

    OMG! Nobody warned me about that and I was to embarrassed to ask about it. I just recently noticed that, and thought to myself… Oh! That’s new…

  93. tasha says:

    ha ha ha… really? what is the other blog site, I want to follow that one too 🙂

  94. Kim says:

    One of my favorite parts about these before and after posts is how you always portray before/after mommy style LOL First mom is wearing red, hair curled, nice shape. Second mom has straight hair and shapeless purple dress. Yup, that sounds about right.

  95. Julie says:

    Really? Ever said “holy cow!”? Is using someone elses’s “holy” thing in vain ok? Just accept that not everyone cares about Jesus.

  96. shawn says:

    Oh my holy parasites! People are funny with their comments. Amber, it’s hysterical and I LOVE your sense of humor. Lighten up people! And btw, I bet Jesus had a sense of humor too!

  97. fooxoo says:

    Doesnt always work, my mums a yoga teacher, she s had three kids, she exercises daily, and knows about all stuff pelvic floors, inner core, bla bla bla, and she still pees when she sneezes or coughs. (and she s 45, I m oldest, she had me when she was 19). Yes, for some people it can remove the problem, but for some it will work only a little bit or not help at all.

  98. Beth says:

    Same here! Apparently carrying them in your uterus is all it takes (at least with full-term twins). No vagina-pushing required.

  99. Kegels have never done a thing for me! Exercise ball stretches and flexes, however, work *miracles*!

  100. Try an exercise ball, and there are also stretches you can do while flexing your pelvic floor and tummy that will help *bigtime*! I just graduated PT for a sacroiliac strain that killed my core and pelvic floor strength. The stretches were the big one for me.

  101. It’s the 9 months of pressure on your bladder.

  102. OMG! So glad to hear I’m not the only one!!!

  103. Hahahahaha! Oh, and don’t forget being startled! Hubby loves to jump out and scare me…especially now that he knows I always pee a little!

  104. Christy says:

    How’s this for too much information: After 8 kids, I’ve got the order screwed up a little. When I pee, I think my uterus is falling out, then I laugh. Then it’s easier to pee. Until my uterus falls out. (Hasn’t happened yet.)

  105. “sex trophies”… that’s awesome!! LOL

  106. D says:

    Oh now wait a minute. It is absolutely okay to disagree with someone’s sense of humour. it’s okay to find it offensive and even to say so. We’re all different that way.
    It is not okay however to insinuate that someone does not love their children or loves them less than you would. We all love our kids. Period. Parenting is hard and we all deal with that in different ways. As moms we need to do a lot less judging and a lot more supporting.
    I am sure that Betsi love her kids every bit as much as you love yours. Sure of it.

  107. Kimi says:

    and jumping on a trampoline, and coughing, and sneezing, and yelling too loud, and falling down, and riding on roller coasters, and being picked up by my husband, and being punched in the belly by my 3yo boy… thank God for poise pads <-- add that to the before-and-after purse list!

  108. betty says:

    Lol! Fun-knee~

  109. betty says:

    I want one!!!!

  110. Shelley says:

    I think people with NO sense of humor should have their own special blog. Leave the rest of us alone to laugh;) And by the way I have an 18 yr.old daughter, 14 yr. old son, and 11 yr. old daughter, they would think that was funny. Guess it’s how one raises one’s kids. Either with a chip on their shoulder and someone to always blame or with a realistic view of life that it can be laughed at.

  111. Shelley says:

    Please I am BEGGING you to go to a site that is NOT meant to be humorous. This is so annyoing that mom’s troll around just to ruin a conversation. You seriously think we don’t know that it is normal? I am so thankful that you came along to “teach” us morons. Thank you Heather J!

  112. Shelley says:

    Thank you oh Wise One. What would we uneducated peons do without your superior medical knowledge?! *Sarcasm for those of you that are humorous impaired*

  113. Tessa says:

    LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    This is my life every time I laugh since I had #2 10 years ago. Now I just had a third 17 months ago. Almost had a flood after reading this. :-0

  114. jessica says:

    Oh My!!! LOLOLOL No laughing, coughing, or sneezing!!!

  115. Lola says:

    Jumping rope is also a bad, bad thing. I made the mistake of trying to teach my four year old how to jump rope. Oy.

  116. Paty says:

    I thought “crotch parasite” meant a yeast infection!!! or some sort of fungus growing down there! Boy, was I wrong!

  117. Becca says:

    bahahahaa! “running, peeing, carrying a baby on my hip” love it. At least a few times a week, I whisper to my 5 month old “mommy is peeing her pants right now.” Motherhood is SO glamorous.

  118. Jamie says:

    haha! Seriously, the whole comment section is loaded with people being offended over tiny little differences. You’re not going to agree with everyone or have the same sense of humor and beliefs. That’s life! Enjoy the common ground (like we’re probably all parents here), and when differences arise, take a deep breath and move on!

  119. I like it best when the commenters are funnier than the picture. I thought crotch parasite was funny but the way that people get sand stuck up in their parasite holes about it is even funnier. LOVE a blog that draws out the crass and the crazy 🙂

  120. On a less funny note, when I went out on maternity leave, my female boss (mother of twin two year olds) had a big old rant about how women who use depends or wee themselves are just lazy and disgusting. That bladder weakness is an option and if you choose to accept the easy option you are pathetic…. GOD I HOPE HER UTERUS MAKES A SPLAT NOISE WHEN IT FALLS OUT FROM HAVING TWINS.

  121. MissNemo says:

    Second that – full term twin born via c/section. A little wee is the grossest, saddest side effect!

  122. Hahahah!! That’s hilarious! I can’t believe some people are taking offense to that! Lighten up people!

  123. Firstly, this is a funny post! Love the pics!

    Secondly, who knew there’d be so many controversial comments? And so many people without a sense of humor? I mean, who comes to this blog without a sense of humor?

  124. Kristen says:

    Thank you so much for all of these! You are making me laugh on the day after a night of no sleep followed by a full day at work, followed by home to no rest, just more work with my own kids 🙂

  125. JustBean says:

    so sad….and so true.
    with me it started while i was pregnant (in the later stage)…damn my husband for being funny!

  126. Bheald says:

    Hahaha, so true! Love it!

  127. teagansmomma says:

    lol @ IJPAL…that’s gonna be my new LOL!

  128. Anna says:

    Hahaha! 😀 Can’t stop laughing! 😀

  129. sue says:

    The first one was 4.8kg (10lb 9oz) and the second was 5.2kg (11lb 8oz), that was the end of going to watch stand up comedy gigs for me……….

  130. sue says:

    What a witch, who says that to anyone??? So professional.

  131. sue says:

    Time for a pee dance, something we have in common with the kids lol

  132. Autumn says:

    Please do not use my Lord Holy Pee Flow’s name in vain…(Hahahaha….)

  133. Anne G. says:

    So true…hate it.

  134. Melody says:

    LOL I do step class at the gym and when we get half way through, myself and a few others have to run to the bathroom! My baby was a C-Section… Can’t wait for my pelvic floor exercises to kick in.

  135. My heart hurts for you and your lack of humor. And everyone around you.

  136. But they do have their own website. You can find it over at foxnews.com 🙂

  137. Noelle says:

    has anyone else seen this SNL clip? It is what I thought of when I read this post 🙂 http://www.nbc.com/saturday-night-live/video/whoopi-goldberg/1208965/

  138. kmacmama says:

    Now THAT is funny!!!! =D

    Although I thought the crotch parasite comment was funny too. LIGHTEN UP PEOPLE!

  139. kmacmama says:

    HAHAHAHAHA!! I love it!!!!!

  140. 1st: I had my son 19 years ago and I am still dribblin’ minus the basketball. Speaking of basketballs, his head was about as big around as one: 14.75 inches. Tore my bladder up. No exercises would fix that, but NO ONE is going back there again with a scalpel and needle!

    2nd: Super-Serious people: CHILL. Pick up the white courtesy Clue Phone and realize that people are just joking. And the US is (Thank God) bound by a Constitution that guarantees freedom of speech. Not freedom to judge.

  141. Sofya says:

    OMG this is hysterical! And so true! I think I just peed a little too.

  142. Miranda says:

    Using the tears run down my legs thing for sure. SO good. Sex trophy too. And can I second the we need to judge less and support more comment please? We NEED each other to get through this- it’s hard enough without tearing each other down on either side! I KNOW I KNOW all of you mommies want the best for your kids and love them and wouldn’t want to hurt each other. Thats the problem with the web you can’t hear the other persons life!

  143. hermes says:

    We NEED each other to get through this- it’s hard enough without tearing each other down on either side!

  144. pétasse sex says:

    Puis-je recopier plusieurs lignes sur un site
    personnel ?

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