Kids are Good Teachers

Isn’t it funny how quickly kids learn things from other kids?

And it isn’t always good stuff they are learning. (Wait, is it ever good stuff?)

Crappy Boy is older so he is usually the one doing the teaching. Crappy Baby does the learning.

Crappy Boy will figure out how to do something and Crappy Baby will watch and learn. Instantly.

Like when Crappy Boy showed Crappy Baby how to drag over a chair to reach the hidden cookies on the top shelf of the pantry. (had to find a new home for my thin mints – the freezer of course)

Or when Crappy Boy showed Crappy Baby that if he angled his body in a very specific way he was small enough to fit under our yard fence and could escape. (had to fix the fence)

Or when Crappy Boy taught Crappy Baby how to unlock the art supplies cabinet. The one with all the paint and glue and glitter in it. (the mess was so glorious I took pictures)

Yep, Crappy Boy is a good teacher…

So I’m thinking about this as we drop him off at his grandparents’ house. He is spending the day there but Crappy Baby is coming with us to our friends’ new house.

So we arrive at our friends’ new house. They moved into this house a few months back but this is our first time seeing it.

Oh and they have a son. He is a year younger than Crappy Baby.

I’m really curious to see how Crappy Baby will be without his big brother there. Without his teacher. Nobody is going to show him how to slide down the wooden banister. Or how to unlock the ice maker on the fridge.

It will be so much easier today!

Their backyard is a steep terraced hill. It goes up and up and up. There are stairs all the way up the hill. There is a retaining wall and a lovely wrought iron door. The door latches at the very top so the kids can’t open it and run up the steep stairs unsupervised. (Or, you know, fall down them.)

But of course they want to go up.


But they are stuck down here with us. The door won’t budge because they can’t reach the latch. For a moment, I’m glad that Crappy Boy isn’t here. He could probably reach that latch. And if he couldn’t, he’d know that dragging a chair over would do the trick.

My friend tells me that she had the wrought iron door and scroll detail next to the door installed to make sure he wouldn’t be able to climb up by himself. To make it safe.

This way, she can relax when he is playing on the patio. No escaping and falling down the steep stairs or the retaining wall.

I see Crappy Baby looking at the door. At the wall. At the scroll.

And I know what is coming. I’ve seen this look before. Except on his older brother’s face.

He grabs the scroll with both hands, hooks one leg up over the ledge and then hoists himself up:


Her son watches intently.


And he is impressed.

And like all kids watching another kid, he is a quick learner.



I sheepishly turn to my friend and say, “Um, I think my kid just taught yours how to climb the wall. Sorry.”

Turns out, Crappy Baby is a good teacher too.


Your kids “teach” or “learn” anything lately? (But I don’t mean braggy things like how your three-year-old taught the Pythagorean theorem to the kids at the park. Because that’s just annoying.)



This is the part of the post where I start talking about my BOOK. I’m trying not to be annoying about this so I put it here on the bottom. I even angle the text with italics so it is less in your face and has a more gentle feel. Is it working? “It will not be a bad feel. “

Giveaways still going on but some ending tomorrow: Want Not, Having it all With LessMommyShortsFrom Meredith to MommyChange-Diapers.comFitForMomsSnarkfestFeisty Frugal & FabulousLetMeStartByStaying5 Minutes For MomFrugalista and Strocel. I’ll share more as they go up!

And this is the part where I beg you to write a review. Because reviews help poop tremendously. (Did you see how I tossed ‘poop’ in there to grab your attention again? Did that work?) Having your reviews up shows other people (people who have never heard of this blog) that the book is worth looking at. You guys know me, you guys get my humor and pictures and all of it. You are my Crappy Army. Although armies are fighty and that doesn’t sound right. Crappy Collective? Crappy Commune? Crappy Club? Anyway…please? (, Barnes & Noble, Books A MillionWalmart, Indigo, Kobo, iBookstore, etc.) Thank you!!!


This entry was posted in crappy pictures, terrible threes, terrible twos, toddlers. Bookmark the permalink.

212 Responses to Kids are Good Teachers

  1. Jill says:

    “But I don’t mean braggy things like how your three-year-old taught the Pythagorean theorem to the kids at the park. Because that’s just annoying”


    My daughter learned the word “stupid” and “hate at preschool recently. “No I won’t eat beans, I hate beans cuz beans are stupid.”

    • Erin says:

      YES! My older son taught my two year old “stupid” as well. Only my older son (6-yo) calls himself stupid and smacks himself, so now the younger one (2-yo) smacks himself, yells “STUPID!” and laughs maniacally…

    • kylie ford says:

      mine learned the word vegatarian no I wont eat my sausages Im vegetarian

    • Elisabeth says:

      Stupid, hate, and BORING. I hate that stupid word. 😛

      • Blue Fairy says:

        Me too! That’s one that my kids learnt from a friend that came over, and I *may* have overstepped the line when I told them in my stern voice that only boring people use the words boring, or bored. So they would have to give that word up or they’d be too boring to come back!

        woops! she’s never been back! oh well…

    • Manon L says:

      My daughter (2 and half) learned ”shut up” from her stepbrother who’s 12. I was at the store, and I said to her; be quiet you are too loud ! She replied casually, shut up, im tired. I went blank! I literally could not speak for the next 1 minute just starring at her eyes. I then wanted to laugh so hard, but I contain myself, and said no, it’s a bad word, it hurts my feelings young girl. Oh my goodness, I think some people heard her too ….

  2. Heidi says:

    So cute, I totally saw that coming, good on Crappy Baby for taking matters into his own hands when his big bro isn’t there.

    My eldest taught my 2 yr old how to unlatch the baby gate so now the baby gate is useless. Course we still have it bolted to the wall and probably will for the next twenty years.

    • Lori says:

      We had a baby gate for our oldest (now 3). At some point, probably around when he learned to walk, he figured out how to open it. We never bothered to even put it up for our youngest (now 18 mo). I’m not sure if it’s because we consciously decided it wouldn’t be worth our time, since the older kid would probably just open it for the little guy, or if we plain old forgot about it.

      I’m pretty sure we just forgot.

      • Michelle Owens says:

        We had a big set up blocking our kitchen off from our now 6yo – no access to the cupboards, fridge, oven, pantry, knives etc. What wonderful parents!
        Two more kids now, the kitchen is all open and our 3rd child happily helps himself to yogurt from the fridge, spoon from the drawer, rubbish in the bin. Times change! Now I’m not so sure if we’re good parents any more but we have at least one independent toddler! 😉

    • Melissa says:

      I’m SO glad we’re not the only ones who take 20 years to put away baby stuff we’re no longer using. 🙂

  3. Angie says:

    LOL! Nothing like another older kid to come and show you how truly unbabyproofed your house is!

    • Holly says:

      Seriously! Whenever I watch my nephew (who is only 5 weeks younger than my daughter) I feel like I have to re baby proof. You better believe he will bee line for the uncovered plugs that she has ignored… Oh I don’t know… Her whole life!

    • Carrie says:

      Yes! So true.

    • christina says:

      I’m always telling my Friends with infants they can borrow my toddler to test their babyproof-ing! She gets into or onto everything! Every door in my house now has a lock on it. She pulls the covers out of the outlets. Also, she learned to climb out of her crib at 15 months. The baby gate is the only obstacle she hasn’t overcome … yet…

  4. Jessica says:

    Got your book yesterday and stayed up way too late reading half of it. (And laughing a lot)

  5. My one year old is ace at getting over any type of safety barrier we construct. He learned it from his older siblings but has perfected it to an art form. I’m a little scared to have any of his friends over for fear of what he might teach them!

    • And my 5 y.o. learned what the middle finger means from her classmates and teacher(!) at her Catholic (!) school this week. I can’t tell you how thrilled I am…

    • Then again, she DID make this pope hat, so maybe the teacher is trying to get back at me…

    • AnonMom says:

      OK, OK enough with all the links, it is starting to feel spammy. I have a blog too but I don’t put ten links in the comments. Just put them in one comment maybe?

      • Hi,

        Not trying to be “spammy”! If I put more than one link in a comment, it won’t work. But, I was just thinking Amber would like those stories since she was asking about what our kids have been learning/teaching.

      • Stephanie says:

        Is there a way to post multiple links in one post? I can see your point, but if it’s a limitation of the media, there’s not too much to be done about it. Ten is a bit of an exaggeration.

        Mom in Two Cultures – I think our kids were separated at birth. I found my youngest standing on the dining room table at 18 months. I pretty much abandoned conventional safety methods at that point because she could thwart all of them.

        • We’ve finally given up on using confinement to keep him safe. Now we practice constant surveillance (even bringing him with us to the bathroom–yay!). It scares me to think what will happen once he figures out he can get out of his crib!

          • Stephanie says:

            My son taught her how to climb out when he climbed in. The next day I came in and the crib rail was cockeyed. She got a new bed (mattress at least until we could get a frame) that day. She hugged her new bed she was so happy.

        • Loots says:

          I don’t keep chairs anywhere near my dining room table unless someone is actually using them. My 19 month old figured out how to push chairs over and climb up months ago. :-\ Yes, he has an older brother. Haha

        • Heidi O says:

          I need to be braggy here… My middle daughter started crawling and climbing at 5 months. She had the dining room table conquered by 8 months. She’s 3 now, and I can hardly keep up with her at all anymore. 🙁

          • Stow had a large motor delay so it’s still hard for me to believe that a kid who was not crawling or rolling over at 10 months figured out how to climb up and over just about everything by 20 months. I think it may be just one more example of his stealth ninja skills. Those early months were all a cover.

  6. Erica says:

    This is so true, my daughter learns quickly from her older cousin. Last time she was over they gave each other make overs using my makeup. HOw it is that my 2 year old knows all about eye shadow and lipstick? Thanks cousin. Oy.

    • Beth h says:

      I think that is ingrained from birth, my 4 and 5 year old have been making each other over, including drawers, walls, doors, floors, towels and pretty much anything else with makeup, so muh that we all had to get makeup holders with locks and hide they keys!

      • Lindsay says:

        My two year old applies concealer perfectly to they eyes of her snail pull along toy. And can do a full mani pedi to her self. She’s going to be a surgeon one day with such steady hands.

  7. Chris B. says:

    I remember visiting my late husband’s nephew & wife who had twin sons the same age as my younger. Those twins were sweet, placid boys. WHEN WE GOT THERE. By the time that 5-day visit ended, they were vaulting over couches, climbing trees, sliding down the stairs – all courtesy of my kids’ lessons. Sorry. Kind of.

  8. McMcD says:

    My older crappy son (5) teaches young crapper (3) all sorts of things that are not braggy and in fact are completely embarrassing. Try every single private part words you can think of as well as swear words. And, pulling down their pants (luckily only at home!). And making peeing sounds. And – oh right – this one is the BEST – making their hands into a gun shape (since i dont let them have any of the toy ones). boys are fun (said in a very sarcastic tone). Love this blog. Will buy your book and brag shamelessly!

    • Emma says:

      Young crapper… lol

    • Connie Marshall says:

      One of my friends wouldn’t let her son have toy guns, so he bit his toast into the shape of a gun. determination is everything.

      • Nancy says:

        We too had a No Guns rule with our first born. We didn’t have them, talk about them, or watch shows with them. As far as I know he had never seen one or even heard the word, yet at age 2, munching on 1/2 a bagel in the backseat of the car, he bit 1/4 of it out, grabbed the bagel-handle and pointed up the bagel-barrel, then proudly exclaimed in his little 2 year old voice, “Look Mom, a Dun!” The rule was abandoned with #2 and #3.

      • ^_^ says:

        Yuh, I heard this about my nephew-in-law (then 2yo, now 20+). I figured it would be pointless with my kid.

        So, the first shape he bites his toast into? A giraffe. (So cute!!!)

      • Pamela says:

        They ALL do that! My son was 2, he is the single child of single mom (me), we had just moved to a new area where EVERYone is crunchgranola and nonviolent, and we knew nobody yet anyway; we don’t have cable, I only rented nonviolent movies– and STILL he bit toast into a gun. How???

  9. Kim Q says:

    I must say, I laughed more at your footnotes than at the post itself! And that is not in any way a put down to your post, but instead a reflection on your glorious use of footnotes.

  10. Melanie says:

    At age two, my son, who is now 6, spent every night in his “big boy bed” with just a small fold down rail keeping him there. In the morning, we would come in to get him, and he’d greet us sitting there with his arms extended saying “up, up”. That is, until his little (also 2) buddy came over for a playdate. They played on his bed. Buddy climbed out of the bed. Son’s eyes lit up. He definitely “learned” something that day – how to climb out of the bed. Thankfully it did not turn into as nightmarish of a situation as one might imagine, though, but we did have to open the door to his bedroom more cautiously when he did wake up, because more often than not, he’d be standing right behind it instead of in his bed, saying “up, up”.

  11. Beth h says:

    My 14 year old taught my 12 uear old how to pinterest… thought it was ok until i realized she is NOT ready and has 5000000000000000000000000000 boards overnight and is pinning things about how annoying it is when someone else deives your car and moves the seat back all the way! The child is 12!!!! And off topic, buuuuut are you ever going to tell the story behind Adam Levine buying your crappy book?!?!?!? And I am hinting to my hubby that Mother’s Day is around the corner and I have enters the giveaway

  12. Jlynn says:

    My daughter taught her friend how to climb. They are only 4 days apart but when they were about 9 months old we went for a play date and she showed him how to climb on the couch and coffee table. She later showed him what light switches do.

  13. KB Constable says:

    My daughter worked in tandem with our labradoodle to access our secret sweets stash. Who knew that a dog would allow itself to be used as a stepstool? Especially considering that her accomplice did not share any of the ill-gotten cookies?

    • Chelsea says:

      Hahaha! I know all too well that kid+labradoodle=chaos. Whoever decided to create that breed and market it as a family dog was an evil genius. My kid and labradoodle work together all the time.

  14. Susan C. says:

    Our CAT(!!) showed our 13mo how to open the door to the pantry. Luckily, he can’t quite reach the handle yet, but I know it’s only a matter of time before he finds something to stand on and do it himself.

    • Brooke says:

      Yep….just a matter of time. My middle son showed his younger brother how to use the bottom of a stick horse to pop to latch hook keeping the pantry locked.

  15. Brooke says:

    My current least favorite lesson #2 child just taught #3 child: where to hide and eat the goodies you just pilfered out of the formally locked pantry. Grrrrr

  16. Laura says:

    Nothing as precious as your wee 2 year old girl talking poop talk–thanks big bro! Potty words transfer faster than the plague.

  17. Denise says:

    My son’s favorite new naughty thing is the middle finger. He doesn’t “give it”, but he does like when people know he knows what it is. Recently, my dad taught him that when you hold up all four fingers vertically it’s called “a whole bouquet of (the finger).” Not knowledge I wanted my son to know yet. But it was funny!

    • Casey says:

      I guess younger learning from older happens with adults too…your dad just taught me “a whole bouquet.” Laughing hysterically over here!

      • Pamela says:

        I never heard of a whole bouquet either! Are you really supposed to say “a whole bouquet of f***s”? That is hilarious. And, I am keeping that WAY away from my now-12yo!

  18. Marna says:

    This is what I worry about with my two boys. Luckily my crappy baby is still immobile mainly (he’s 9 months old) but he already watches every move his older brother makes!

  19. Shea says:

    My sons are 4 and 1, but this is already happening! My 4 year old taught his brother to scream. Literally just scream in my face and giggle -_- So sweet.

  20. Kbee says:

    Crappy army reporting for doody.


  21. Nellie says:

    I have twin boys. When they were babies, the older one was content (read = lazy), but the younger one was DETERMINED (yes, that’s a good word… much better than a little turd). The younger one showed the older one how to swing his leg over the side of the crib to climb out. And how to open the front door. And how to squeeze past the baby gate, or climb over the baby gate….

  22. Lindsey says:

    I was laughing so hard last night reading your book my husband finally stopped reading his book long enough to give me an annoyed,
    “What is so funny?”
    “Penis pizza! Ha ha ha ha ha!”
    “You’re laughing so hard it’s shaking the bed and making it hard for me to read.”
    But I was laughing so hard I couldn’t even apologize. Even if I wanted to. Which I didn’t.

    • Jessica says:

      haha my son asked me the same question last night, Not easy to explain to a 4 year old. so i told a knock knock joke instead.

    • Liz says:

      Same here, I was reading the travel chapter and laughing until tears came and my daughter was asking, “Mommy, you kay?” LOL

    • jen says:

      I pre-ordered the book from Amazon in JANUARY…figuring amazon would have it to me on release day…or the very next day AT LEAST…, was I wrong….STILL waiting for it, though they have promised it to me by tomorrow….I’m so jealous everyone else is reading it except me!!! 🙁

  23. Jessica says:

    The reverse is true too, my mother likes to tell me how my brother taught me how to climb.

    but the teaching yeah that’s how my 13 month old can climb to the top of the bunk beds. but not down.

  24. Cheryl P. says:

    My three year old has learned everything from a rambunctious four year old next door. He learned to throw his toys at an early age creating divots in a wall in HIS room, not the neighbor’s. He also learned how to run around the house by the neighbor boy, smash his outdoor toys onto the sidewalk, and laugh hysterically while doing it all. *facepalm* Now, I have the task of breaking all these bad habits.

  25. Liz C says:

    So I was diligent and signed every single time for certain phrases when my daughter was a small infant. Nada. There were people talking about how their kid had 15 signs by 7 months, or even just 3 by 9 months, and how they were super inconsistent with signing and “don’t even know how little darling picked it up”.

    Then we went to a cousin’s house and they put on one of the baby signing time dvds, and she started signing immediately.

    Why? Because the dvd had babies signing (and singing).

    Now, as for her being a teacher, there’s more than one toddler in our town who can now climb up to the windows in the library thanks to my kid.

  26. Erin says:

    We recently started fostering children. We have a 7 year old daughter and I was concerned about what our foster children might teach her. Turns out I should have been more concerned about what she was teaching them. I walked by the room just as she was saying to her 4 year old foster sister, “Now I’ll show you the hole where babies come out”.

  27. Laura says:

    My 21 month old taught my 10 month old how to climb on top of the coffee table. The problem is that neither one of them have mastered how to get safely down just yet. So, they climb up there and then stand there until I take them down. First they’re elated to be doing something new. Then the apprehension and confusion starts, then the scared crying. The last time they did it, I let them stay up there for a couple of minutes before I took them down. They haven’t done it since.

  28. HH says:

    I wrote a glowing review of your book, it literally had me in tears and both kinds too. In the good stuff chapter I got teary from some of the stories there. I think Crappy Collective sounds the best. Has that hip bohemian vibe.

  29. This is awesome! i’m constantly amazed at the “wonderful” things my 2 year old can do thanks to watching her older brother do it. Stuff that he didn’t get the hang of till he was older. It’s awesome to have two kids that know how to pull chairs/stools/whatever in order to be taller and get what they want…..i’m so lucky…ha!

  30. Candice says:

    my older boy (5), teaches his little brother (1), too many things.. shudders… i really do not want to think about the next few years

  31. Regina W says:

    My 18 month old demonstrated to a room full of similarly-aged children in a church nursery how to unlatch the baby gate at the door. I do not know if any of the other kids actually learned from watching him, but I also didn’t go back to find out, either…. (Decided to stay away when the nursery workers had me come get him in the middle of the service and handed him over with slightly frazzled attitudes. Yep, that’s my kid…)

  32. Alice says:

    Last night, my 5yr old tried to teach my 3yr old how to pee standing up. The 3yr old is a girl….

    • Laura says:

      THAT is too precious

    • Karen B. says:

      ahahaa! Love it.

    • Maggie says:

      My daughter learned how to do this from her big brother, too. She acts like she’s aiming with her hand down and everything.

    • KierstinF says:

      I fear this is in my future with a 3 1/2 y/o boy and a 9 month little girl. god help me.

      • Pamela says:

        Which is why (or, partly why) my boy pees sitting down. I am not willing to accept that part of my lot in life is to clean boy-pee (or ANYone’s pee). So, he sits, and aims downward. He is 12 and knows perfectly well, has for years, that boys/men pee standing, but it’s gross and unsanitary to the Nth degree and nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors anyway. He’ll pee standing, in the woods or urinals, but in private homes, he sits.
        I wish this manly-man peeing-standing-up would go away. It’s GROSS.
        BTW, my man pees sitting, too, it turns out. He has to…he got an autoimmune disorder and they showed him, at the hospital, a video of a guy standing to pee…under a blacklight. Also flushing, under a blacklight. It sprays droplets EVERYwhere.

  33. Jordan says:

    My other half just taught our baby girl how to pull glasses off mrs potato head, now she does it to anyone wearing them!

  34. Heather says:

    He hasn’t learned too much that I know of from others… and he has no older siblings-but…. I do have a 3 month old grand-daughter so it will be interesting to see what he teaches her that I didn’t know he knew…

  35. Karen B. says:

    My son learned the word “sexy” his first day of preschool. Awesome.
    Also, he got a (KIDS!!) biology book for Christmas and announced that sperm makes babies. There was a chart and everything. It was very scientific. I should have definitely looked at that book better. It was a gift to him, not from me or Santa. But still…

  36. BB says:

    My daughter taught another little girl her third word… “Mine!” So helpful for us to teach others not to share too. :/

    • ^_^ says:

      Heh. My then 18mo was getting things taken off him at daycare, because one ‘friend’ was quite forward and Atilla is a gentle soul. I decided it was quite all right to teach and allow Atilla to grab what’s his, and say, “Mine!”

      At 2yo+ it has become a game: he grabs an object of interest in our house, and says “Mine!” Whereupon my husband and/or I would refute, “Ours!” (As in, it belongs to the family.)

  37. Becky says:

    Totally just entered every single one of those giveaways. If I don’t win, I’m going out to buy your book on payday.

  38. Jennifer says:

    the chair thing!
    It must be a rite of passage for brothers!
    My 12yo taught the baby the power of the chair!

    i’ve now had to de-clutter all of the counter tops and book shelves….
    (perhaps it’s a conspiracy to keep me constantly cleaning)

  39. Dre's mommy says:

    I am sure you hear this all the time so it seems silly to post it, but you bring me to tears almost daily, even my cynical husband was brought to tears as we read this and I being pregnant with #2 had to run to the bathroom from laughing so hard…thanks for that… 🙂 and thanks for keeping it real, it’s not an easy job and sometimes makes me feel a little alone, you have brought us such joy!! 🙂

  40. Rosanne says:

    Not to keep harping on it, but do you by any chance mean something like…oh, say, my kids memorizing a certain poop monster book trailer????

    I have to add to the poop monster’s list of skills–he now ambushes me in the car, at the table, on the sofa, and especially in the bathroom.

    But, yeah, I showed them the video. And, yes, they are almost as adorable as Crappy Baby and Crappy Boy. 🙂

    • Oh, yes, my daughter is rather attached to the poop monster (after *one* accidental viewing!) and has actually been talking a lot of unexplained potty talk lately…

  41. smarty pants says:

    So…when I was 3 and my parents had friends with other kids my age there was a lot of bragging going on about their kids had learned this or that and my parents where OVER it. So my dad used a box of cookies and taught me to repeat (verbatim) the webster’s dictionary definition of an equilateral and isosceles triangles anytime he asked me, “what I learned in school today?” in front of bragging offenders. Nice work dad.

  42. H_howe says:

    Well my younger sister (14 years) taught my daughter at 3 months how to make the chewbaca(sp?) noise! And she still does it…. All morning…. Until someone comes to her crib to get her!!! She is 6 months now!

  43. Melissa says:

    Shhhh, be quiet about the chair thing. My 15 month old has not yet learned the chair thing from his 3 big brothers. He hasn’t even figured out how to get up onto a chair yet! It is a miracle, though it will be a short lived one I’m sure. For now I am rejoicing in it though, lol. My 7 yr old recently taught his brothers how to get their windows open and go out onto the roof! Yup now all 3 of them have their windows screwed shut(because they know how to get open ALL kinds of locking devices too.) This whole teaching little brothers thing is a BIG one in our house with 4 little boys. Sigh. Have you ever had a child lift a couch up on end to use as a slide??? Yup we have…often. (the furniture in their playroom is actually SCREWED to the floor. hahaha It’s fun explaining that to new friends who visit! haha

    • KierstinF says:

      omg I’m dying just picturing everything in your house screwed down! too funny! or not. 🙂

      • Pam Snedeker says:

        Hmmm…anyone up for a pool on how long it takes the boys to figure out how to use the screwdriver? 🙂

  44. Ali says:

    Crappy Baby taught your friend something important — and saved her from a nasty surprise if her own child had escaped unexpectedly.

  45. Amanda Pavlovich says:

    No kids for me yet, but I can tell you what I did. I was the escape artist of the family. Door latches, dead-bolts, chains, bars-no problem. My mom will even tell you, she should have named me Houdini. The neighbors constantly found me wandering around the neighborhood in footy pajamas at 19 months old. Did I mention that I lived next to train tracks. Yep. In my backyard. 500 feet away from the driveway.

    My brother and I are 15 months apart. I taught him everything. Starting with how to escape from the crib and climb out the second story window onto the roof.

    How we made it into adulthood, I will never know.

  46. Molly says:

    My 5 year old kid kind of proposed to teach something. She told our neighbor boy “I can’t go next door with you because I’m not allowed to go there right now and I know better than to do something I’m not allowed to do. How about if we get out my mommy’s toolbox and build robots of ourselves and leave them here so she won’t even know we are gone.” As if I wouldn’t be able to tell the difference as soon as the girl robot did what I asked her to do, like wash her hands.

  47. Sara says:

    Thanks to the 4-year-old, the not-quite-2-year-old knows how to: climb onto the kitchen table, launch himself over the back of the sofa, drag a chair to the counter to turn on the faucet or the stove (yikes!), jump down stairs, go head first down the slide, and probably a million other things I don’t know he can do yet.

  48. Kara says:

    I have 2 year old twin boys. One is definitely the leader and the other follows along. The leader is constantly teaching his brother how to do things like push the chairs to the counter to climb up on them, climb up the side of the changing table, run away (in separate directions) at the park, jump off of furniture, put everything in the toilet, etc.

  49. Ashley says:

    My twins learned how to taunt each other with ‘neener neener’. That’s fun.

  50. nona says:

    My FIL taught my 5 and 2 yo how to open the gate with a stick. I realize he is 67 but you would never know if you went based by behaviour. That puts him at around 8, so i think that counts!

    • ^_^ says:

      Grandfather wants his 2yo grandson to learn everything. Including escape tricks he’d never let me do when I was 5yo.

  51. Joyce says:

    Somewhere my son learned the word butthole… I am holding Daddy accountable since he inadvertently taught him the word titty (which we quickly out a stop to).

    • Trena says:

      When I was teaching prechool, my son was playing trucks with a friend. the friend stopped and my son shouted “get out of my ‘effing’ way”, except it wasn’t ‘effing’. I was both mortified and proud…learned it from his father but used it in the right context…lol
      Discussion and time out for son and that night Daddy had got a discussion and timeout too.

      • KierstinF says:

        Ahh yes….daddys (and mommys [read: me]) are good at that kind of thing. When my son was two months shy of being 2, we were leaving a baseball game. It was September, it was HOT (so we had all the windows down), and there was a ton of traffic, so we weren’t moving very quickly. We’re listening to music and chatting, when, from the back seat, a little voice screams (yes, SCREAMS), “Move cars f****** MOVE!!” Whoops.

      • ^_^ says:

        My husband and I agree it would be hypocritical for us to use swear words in context, but not allow our kid to. So, we have learned to be good examples of using words appropriately. Our next challenge is to teach our kid Context. (The kid doesn’t swear, we don’t swear that often, so it will be tricky to teach context.)

        • Pamela says:

          Oh, not hard…my boy would ask me what X-word means (not swears, just regular words) when I used in a sentence. I would say “Figure it out from the context of the sentence”, and then I would repeat the sentence. He never asked what “context” meant, but he would think about it, and tell me what he thought the unknown word meant, based on what the rest of the sentence was.
          Try it! Might work for you, too!

          • ^_^ says:

            Will do. First I’ll need to teach him how to pronounce ‘penguin’ differently from ‘pigeon’. They are both in the same book, on different pages.

  52. Katrina says:

    My 23 month old was laying in bed the other morning, the phone rang & it was my hubby, all of a sudden I hear a mumble…a mumble that turns into a very clear “Shut up” over & over clue who she got it from…lol…

  53. Lisa says:

    My 13 month old son is in daycare and they have these pee week sinks in the classroom. He must’ve been 10 months old, but he figured out how to turn it on. So of course he taught all the other “big kids” in his infant class how to turn on the sink. Now the teachers have to barricade the sink off if they don’t want the kids to get wet.
    Also in the same infant class, they use signs for “more”, “eat” etc. Well another kiddo who was older taught all the younger kids how to sign “more.” Except it’s not exactly correct, so now they all use the same ‘slang’ sign for “more.” We call it “Brady Slang” after the older kiddo.

  54. Lauren says:

    My son (18 months at the time) taught himself how to climb on top of his dresser/changing table, with drawer locks on the drawers and the knobs removed. The story is too long to go into detail here (here it is-

    He also figured out how to get the door knob locks off the door knobs. Apparently if you squeeze them at the seems, they pop right off. Thank god for duct tape!

    I’m really scared of what he’s going to teach the next kid, once we have another!

  55. tara says:

    Hahah that is hilarious!

    I really want to review your book, but I haven’t gotten it yet! It says it was delivered, but I haven’t gotten it! I am tracking it right now….

  56. Maren says:

    My friend’s 4 year old taught my 3 year old to call me “Mr. Stinky Butt Head”. It’s funny the first 25 times.

  57. Trena says:

    my older boys are 17mo apart. When the oldest was 12 mo he started climbing…anything… When he was 14mo he was already trying to climb out of the crib. I had one with tall sides. when younger brother came along, oldest would climb INTO the crib with him. When younger brother was about 15mo, oldest helped him out of the crib and down the stairs to knock on my bathroom door…at 6am.
    We invested in doorknob covers that afternoon.

  58. Hannah says:

    I accidentally taught my 18month old that “damn” is the word you say when you drop something (I only said it once, I swear… I dropped her plate of mac and cheese). So now she tosses food off her plate and says “damn” instead of her old word, which was “uh-oh”. Oops.

    • amy says:

      My sister did the same thing but different word. She replaced the sweet “uh-oh” with “shit” which is what our mom said when she dropped something. I was old enough to know I’d get in trouble for saying it. But little Lo, she took great glee in tossing things off her high chair table and saying “shit” while watching the beagle having a feeding frenzy. Good times.

  59. islajmom says:

    My dad taught my daughter to say “toe-cheese” , when she was about a year and a half. It was her favorite phrase for weeks.

  60. I’m happy that my 4 year old has taught my 3 year old some aspects of creative play.

    I’m not happy that their preschool classmates have taught them some new forms of whining, tantrumming, and pre-teen attitude.

    And I’m nervous to see what our baby-on-the-way will learn from two older sisters when she’s old enough.

  61. Christine says:

    6 Year old brother taught his just turned 3 year old brother about having a new age every birthday. Problem was the 3 year old had two parties, one with his friends from “school” and the second the next day with only family. He was so sure that he was three for the first party and four for the second party!

  62. Kimberly says:

    My second child was my escape artist. We eventually had to buy those door knob cover things for the inside of the boys’ room to keep him in there at night. We put one on the bathroom door too, so we had to teach the older child (then 5) how to open the door with the knob in place.

    The first night, my husband and I sat outside the bedroom door to listen and make sure the little one (then 2) would be OK stuck in the room at bedtime. A few minutes after lights out, we hear the familiar patter of his feet hopping out of bed and heading for the door. The door knob cover rattles and then the child begins to wail “I locked it!” Immediately the older child’s voice pipes in “It’s not locked, you just have to squeeze the brown part while you turn!”

    Fail! Fortunately, the little one’s hands weren’t big or coordinated enough to actually operate the knob, so it kept him in for a few months.

  63. Felicia says:

    My son Colton (barely 2) learned “Honkey” from his brothers listening to the song ‘Thrift Shop.’ He uses it at the WORST times, and laughs to himself as I cringe. 🙂

  64. Alex says:

    We have a 5 y.o. son and a 2.5 y.o. daughter. We nicknamed her “copycat” because she will copy ANYTHING her brother does. Now that he’s noticed the pattern, he’s been taking him upon himself to teach her stuff. To his credit, he does occasionally teach her skills that are useful to me (putting shoes on, throwing out garbage, etc). I can think of two things in particular off the top of my head.

    When she was still in the high chair, he was teaching her to make faces and noises while eating. He shook his head a few times, then stopped and held up his index finger, and said “Nii!” She copied and they went around and around. They were slightly syncopated. I felt I was in that Monty Python movie… I had lunch with the knights who say Nii.

    He’s also starting pretending to spray me as if he were a skunk to show he’s upset or defiant. She does it to be funny. Not funny kids!

  65. Kimberly F says:

    My almost-six-year-old is actually learnings things from his just-turned-three-year-old sister, who is much more enterprising than he. He’s just such a rules kid, it doesn’t even occur to him to try to break them, whereas she is so quick to pull up a chair to reach those cookies or confiscated toys. She has also taught him that’s it’s hilarious to scream “I tooted!” in public.

    • My two-year-old says, “Heh-heh…POOP!” whenever anyone toots. Also, “‘Scuse you!” when he belches. Since we laugh (even when we try not to!), his nearly-five-year-old sister is starting to do some of the same things. It’s not nearly as funny when the child saying it can speak like a professional orator most of the time… *siiiiigh*

  66. Dawn says:

    My husband (aka the older child) dropped something and screamed, “Damn it!” Our 2 yo parrot started chanting, “Damn It, Damn It…”

  67. YC says:

    There is something hilarious about Crappy Baby in a diaper standing taller than Friend Baby wearing big-boy shorts. 🙂

  68. lenore says:

    My kid (currently age 3) taught another kid at the playground that if you squeeze your sippy cup really really hard, water shoots out of the straw part and can be conveniently aimed towards another kid’s face. 🙂 I still get glared at at the playground by that kid’s mom. Even though we never actually officially met. lol

    • Linda C says:

      Yes, because you specifically told your child to teach her child that. Out to get her, weren’t you!

  69. Amanda L. says:

    My four year old taught our almost 2 year old how to “fart” with his mouth, then yell “butt fart” or “butt cheek” *sigh*

  70. Debby says:

    My now 5 year old has TWO teachers. I also have a 7 year old and a 14 year old to educate her on the finer points of getting around traps and things. However, since she is the baby she had become the quiet, analytical one and can figure out quite a bit on her own. She discovered if you sat on the floor and put your foot in just the right place on the $100 extra wide baby gate and gave it a good donkey kick you can open the gate without having to ask mommy to let you escape. She also managed to circumvent the bungee corded pressure release gate between the kitchen by dragging not one but TWO chairs over to the gate and lifting one OVER the gate into the kitchen side (for safety reasons of course) and used the other one the get over the gate from the living room side and stepped down onto the one she had placed OVER the gate in the first place. She did this so quietly that while I was right below her in the basement switching the laundry I heard NOTHING until I came back upstairs and found her running back into the kitchen hallway to remove the chairs so I would not see the evidence. I swear she’s going to come up with the cure for cancer or between her and the other one they’ll work on World Domination! I think I’m going to have to start looking for a new place in the Parent Protection Program! Wish me luck!

  71. Lizzie says:

    uhmmm….My 20 months old son, Liam, told his wee pal how to beg for biscuits…CHOCOLATE biscuits…my friend isn’t impressed as they don’t aloud biscuits in her house and less so chocolate ones….!

  72. Geneva says:

    My kids copy each other all the time. Usually the older one copies the younger one just because something the younger one does is hilarious and he wants in on the attention too. Just today my 20mos old thought it was cool to slightly lower the front of his diaper and let the tip of his boyhood hang out. I pointed it out to my husband and we can’t help but giggle, although I am chasing the child trying to fix things. My 3yr old then decided to join in and thought it was hilarious so then the two kids played off each other and kept trying to let their boyhood show off. At least we were at home without company!

  73. Cheryl Turpie says:

    My 9 yr old son taught my 3 year old son how to say ‘you’re a f*****g idiot’ at the top of his voice, in front of all the preschool swimming class kids AND the parents. Slightly mortified!

  74. Janet says:

    My mother tells the story of my older sister coasting down the small hill we lived on standing on the seat of her tricycle and holding onto the handlebars to steer. When caught, my mother explained to her that this was very dangerous and that her little sister would try to copy her and probably kill herself in the process. My sister tearfully looked up at mom and said, “But Janet showed me how!” Yep, I was that kid.

  75. Alison says:

    My youngest taught my oldest several dare-devil tricks the oldest never would have thought of on her own. Like jumping off the back of the sofa. And as many times as I tell them to stop, they’ll always just do it as soon as I turn my eyes away.

  76. Sarah says:

    My 5 year old taught my 3 YO How to turn off the window alarms so they can open the windows (and in my mind fall out of them) without me knowing. Also how to defeat any child safety lock known to man. How to use the sink stopper so if you leave the sink on you flood the bathroom. the 3 year old figured out on his own how to use a chair, With a stool for the things that are VERY high up (like on top of the refrigerator).

  77. Kylie says:

    My 5yo girl teaches my 2yo boys stuff all the time, it’s a daily occurrence! Yesterdays lesson was to full your cup of milk to the top, so you can lick it up like a puppy, lots of milk spilled and wasted!

  78. Robin says:

    I’m pretty sure my six year old son taught his three year old brother how to pee from the top of the slide like a waterfall.

  79. Michelle says:

    My son learned the F word in preschool when he was 4, from another child in class. Thankfully, when he said it, it came out Folk or Folk-ed (like you are a folk-ed person!). We were not about to teach him that he was mispronouncing the word, so we told him the word Folk was not allowed in our house. Reasonable logic right? My then 2 year old decided to give it a try, but when she said it, it was dead on! I still don’t know how that worked! To this day, he thinks Folk is the bad word.

    His now kindergarten teacher read a story to the class the other day about Folk people, and he simply could not believe she was reading it! He kept interrupting her to tell her she was in big trouble!

  80. Erika says:

    Somebody was a great teacher and taught my girls the eff bomb when they were 5 and 3. Honestly it wasn’t me or my husband! Probably grandma! 😉

    • Elisabeth says:

      My mom is the worst for that too! She says a few others all the time as well … thankfully my son has picked up on how I disapprove of it when grandma says it, and leaves those words alone (but I have a feeling it is just a matter of time) … she’s really a nice old lady, but her language is something else.

  81. PS: the date you mention the draw will take place says 2012 😉

  82. Rachel says:

    When my eldest was 5, she got up in front of her kindergarten class and loudly announced ‘babies come out of vaginas’. And proceeded to pretend to be born from between her (male) friend’s legs. Half the class was in agreement (the ones with younger siblings, I suspect), the other half was adamant that they came out of belly buttons. I had one of ‘those’ chats with the teachers that day. She also taught all the other kids at our local science centre how to stand on anything to reach the water display.

  83. morissa says:

    Why can’t the little ones learn anything useful? Like how to use the potty? (Yet they have no trouble learning bathroom words.)

  84. Jennifer says:

    Got my book in the mail today, came at the beginning of naptime but I waited until after naptime to get it 🙁 good thing basketball is on tonight so hubby wont care (prolly even notice) that Im reading!

  85. Archie says:

    We went to a racing track yesterday with friends. Their 2 Y.O son was keenly looking at the displayed “hot wheels” car silently imploring the parents to buy the 1.5 times priced ones. The mom said No and there was much sadness in the air. 5 minutes later, my 4 Y.O daughter comes out the rest-room, looks at the scene, walks to the display shelf and asks him – “You want this. Wait – I will buy you TWO.”
    Picks them up and nearly takes it to the cash counter. Had to pick up the kids and walk out after that. Much crying and screaming and kicking of legs ensued. What fun!
    I am proud of my “new teacher”

    • ^_^ says:

      I go grocery shopping with my 2yo. He’s now starting to pick non-essentials to put into the cart. I have now begun to teach him to buy it only if it’s on the shopping list, if it’s on special, and if his parents agrees. I don’t know how quick on the uptake he’ll be.

  86. Elisabeth says:

    “I’m bored”, “I don’t want to do that because it’s BORING” … he’s only 5 … WHY, WHY, WHY do I allow him around other children!?!?! hahahaha (Oh yeah, because I do want him to learn the good stuff other kids teach him, like “picking your nose makes you gross!”)

  87. Jennifer says:

    “It won’t be a bad feel” is still my favorite line!!!

  88. Lucas Perin says:

    My 3-year old tells my 4-year old: ‘I asked mommy for chocolate and she didn’t give any’. My 4-year old replies: ‘did you try crying?’.

  89. Sara Myers says:

    My Amazon Review:
    4.0 out of 5 stars – Very Funny. I love her blog too.
    Amber is real and funny. I laughed out loud over and over again. Her crappy pictures of her non-crappy family are somehow true to life. You should read her blog (CrappyPictures . com) too!

    • Sara Myers says:

      I gave it 4 stars because you swear. I love you anyway, but I prefer not to hear or read those words, and I don’t think they make you funnier or more “real.” I’m not talking about the stories describing the kids using swear words, btw.

  90. Jessica says:

    My lovely little 4 year old taught my 2 year old how to pick locks…. so now no room is safe, oh and those “child proof” door knob covers she taught my 7 year old niece how to pop them off and open the door. Yep we are in trouble but at least I know if she’s ever kidnapped or decides to take up burglary she’ll know what to do. *sigh* lol

  91. Debbye says:

    My DD taught my 2 year old how to say “fart” and “barf” this week! And somehow he knows that he should repeat them loudly at the dinner table! Yikes!

  92. Fenny says:

    I don’t think I needed my brother to teach me to climb stuff, I did that all by myself. He did know which kitchen cabinet the sweeties were in and persuaded me to climb up the drawers to get to them. He did this because he knew he would get into trouble if he climbed up and got them, but I was too young to know better and Mummy wouldn’t tell me off. I’m pretty sure she knew whose idea it was.

  93. April says:

    My almost-2-year-old can now climb in and out of her sister’s top bunk without a ladder. Yesterday she also learned that she can’t slide down the side onto the floor like big sister, as her legs are considerably shorter. (Don’t worry: no medical attention needed after she cracked her head on the floor.) 🙂 Good times!

  94. hahahahaa, I am so hating what the boys in kindergarten are teaching my sweet little girl. The other day she points to her hoo-ha and asks The Hubs, “Daddy, did you know this is your NUTS?”

    But between the 3yo twins, they are teaching each other the characters and creatures of Star Wars. They’ve been watching it daily for almost 3 months now.

  95. Amanda says:

    “It will not be a bad feel” bwahahahaha!!!! I am shaking the bed with my silent laughter (and annoying my husband.) Best.line.ever.

  96. me-ma says:

    Who is conspicuously not commenting tonight?
    Is it our good Amber, perhaps?

    I suspect she and the handsome ‘He-Man’ are celebrating tonight teaching each other new tricks. LOL!

    CHEERS ON YOUR NEW BOOK! I have been waiting to crack mine open since yesterday.


  97. Dannielle says:

    My 12 yr old daughter, lets call her Crabbie Girl is actively teaching my 6 yr old daughter, we will call her easily swayed girl the joys of tweenhood. The things that come out of the mouth of Easily Swayed Girl makes my skin crawl! Be ever so grateful you have boys. I have two of those too, one is 17 and one is 14 and they are peachy.

  98. Babywrensmom says:

    I have requested your book as my Mother’s Day gift this year from my husband! Can’t wait! I just found your blog recently and it is the highlight of my “me time”.. Ya know that time after every one else is FINALLY asleep when you get to surf the internet on your smart phone in bed? Yep.

  99. Christina says:

    I am now officially sad. 🙁 I found your site yesterday via a facebook ad for your Book Book Book!!! Massive congrats! I never click fb ads but I felt something drawing me to yours. …. get it? Drawing??

    Anyways… I spent hours last night reading your stories and admiring your artwork. When I got up this morning, (I think) I fed the kids and then immediately sat down to continue reading. At dinner time, I promptly got off my behind and went and got pizza. Who the heck has timing for cooking when there are more stories to be read?

    The kids have been in (close proximity to) bed for hours and now, I’m here, on your final post. *sad sniffle* I’m wishing I had one of those fancy Kindle thingies so I could order your book and the hilarity could continue. But alas, I have not and I’ll have to wait a few days and order your book.

    I love your stories because not only are they hilarious but I, like most of your readers, can relate to them. Even those who do not have children of their own can say “I know a kid just like that” or “I WAS a kid just like that.” So, thank you!!

    Thank you for entertaining us. And thank you for your crappy picture of crappy baby using the bathtub as a potty. I laughed so hard I think I pulled something. And I especially thank you for posting your address. Please expect a bill from my doctor as well as a bill for the keyboard I spit on yesterday and the phone that is soaked because I knocked a drink across the desk trying to stifle my laughter at 3 in the morning.

    Thank you!!!

  100. Christina says:

    Oh — And…. The worst thing that my kids have taught each other is a game that was invented by my biggest kid. The one I’m married to. It’s a wonderful game called “Wipe Boogers On Mommy”. I think I’d prefer Crappy Boy’s method of booger disposal.

  101. ^_^ says:

    Brag-mode: I’m pretty sure it was my 16mo kid who taught his classmates to sign “Thank you”, so that even the younger ones without speech but with motor-control could thank people who were nice to them. (Previously, no care-giver did Sign.)

    Otoh, my son was one of the trio of kids who escaped from 2 gated areas to get into the older kids’ playground.

  102. ^_^ says:

    Oh, and my kid has learned to ask for food from those demonstrators in supermarkets. Specifically, get me or my husband to get him food.

  103. Lynette says:

    Seriously, there needs to be a “like” button on these comments. Some of all y’all are hysterically funny.

  104. Laura Pearce says:

    Yah! My book already arrived!

  105. Em says:

    ok so the first kid was my fault but she taught everyone else which makes it her fault right…

    I was working at a daycare center in college and we had some of those baby dolls that pee after you feed them. I had a little kid that refused to pee in the toilet and her mom insisted that she no longer wear diapers that she was potty trained a home (LIE!!!!). We would send her into the bathroom all day long especially after meals and she would stand next to the toilet and pee on herself refusing to sit on the toilet. Worse yet she was a talker so if we put her in a diaper or pull up she would tell her mom. “I get diaper. YEA!” Then mom would complain as if I did not have 11 other kids to watch all for $8 bucks an hour. I am all about being supportive and helping out with potty training but day long she was peeing and pooping in her clothes and anything she touched had to be sanitized. She often had no clothes left by the time I got there so she was running around in panties. So, I showed her how cool it was to pee in the toilet using the pee doll. Yea!! It worked she peed in the toilet and I didn’t have to clean the floor for a fourth time that day. Unfortunately, I found out the next day that she taught the other kids how to make their babies pee. Not all the dolls peed so any that did not were punished by being put in the toilet or time out. Some of them at home too. oops

    • ^_^ says:

      As a mom whose kid is poop-toilet trained at home and with sympathetic caregivers (e.g. grandma), I think you can give the mom and girl the benefit of the doubt. It is also true that the mom should have made accommodations for the kid in a non-home environment.

      My son has pooped into a toilet with his caregivers since he was 5mo, and only began to poop into his diaper when he started daycare. So much so he refuses the toilet even now he’s in the big kids area with little toilets, and prefers to suffer constipation – lying on the floor and crying. I’ve had his daycare teachers call up, and ask what I do to help him, but I can offer no solution to his problem as I don’t encounter it. I would be disappointed to know they think I’m lying to them.

      He grudgingly accepts assistance at home.

      • Em says:

        I didn’t mean to leave the impression that it isn’t possible for kids to be potty trained under some situations and not in others. My daughter has no problems at preschool but has accidents all the time at home. She is too busy playing and does not want to stop. She goes on her own at school and wants help at home. I didn’t think she lied until dad thanked us for working with her on learning to use the potty. He said that she had been back in diapers since the baby was born because she just refused to go in the potty. – That is not unheard of and I am happy to help but don’t lie and make me feel like I am doing something wrong.

        It was quite funny to see all the naked babies in the timeout chairs in the corner. Less funny to find one in the potty.

  106. Katie says:

    PLEASE tell us the Adam Levine story!!!!! 😉

  107. Lisa Newlin says:

    In a strange way, this post comforts me in the sense that now I know that pretty much all males do stupid stuff at all stages of life. 😉

  108. Alissa says:

    When I was a child, there was one time one of my friends from school (we were both about six), and her little sister (about 2) were over (I suppose my mom was babysitting, because their mom wasn’t there), along with my brother (4), and my cousin (7). After the day playing and everyone was home, my friend’s mom called my mom, telling her very conspiratorially that her youngest now kept saying “the ‘f’ word.” My mother is understandably horrified, and says that she doesn’t think any of us know it and has no idea how she could have learned it.

    My friend’s mom continues, something along the lines of, “Yes, the f word. Frodo.” My mom was so relieved that we hadn’t actually taught her toddler how to swear, and that we didn’t know the word ourselves! (For clarification, Frodo is the name of our dog, because my mom is a big Lord of the Rings fan. Apparently my friend’s little sister like him.)

    So we taught her something that day, but fortunately (for once) it wasn’t bad!

    I think the one that taught my most of the bad things as a child was my cousin, who was eleven months older than me. She’s the youngest of five, while I was the oldest of two, so she had a lot more leeway and crazy things to learn from her siblings than me. We lived two doors down from each other as children. Some of things she taught me: How to pee in the backyard, wearing ‘invisible’ underwear (that is, no underwear, but she swore they were there and just invisible), and how to go fishing in our fish tank.

  109. Elsie says:

    My just turned 1 year old daughter recently taught my almost 3 year old daughter the trick of dragging a chair to the pantry to get to the cookies on the shelf. (We’re a bit backwards here). Fortunately, they’re both short so I just put the cookies on the next shelf up!!! 😀

  110. Take a page from Colbert and call us your Crappy Nation.

  111. bend mom says:

    This isn’t a kid teaching another kid but it is funny. My friend caught her husband teaching their son how to unlatch himself from the carseat! Luckily his hands were still too weak or he would have done it for sure:)

  112. Awesome, this is totally my son and daughter. She watches everything he does and then jumps on board with what he does. And when he isn’t around she acts just like him.

  113. Shana says:

    This has nothing to do with this post, but I bought the book and there is one problem with it … My husband won’t give it back! I got up to chapter 2 before he took it and declared how funny it is, and how funny you are. (I agree of course…) but *I* bought the book! All I do is hear him laughing, and saying how good it is but he won’t share my own book with me!
    What’s a girl to do?

    What is your stance on whether or not one family should buy 2 copies? Are you pro or con? 🙂

  114. Olivia says:

    Yay, I’m such a fan of your blog! I just ordered a book and wrote a review. I’m so excited, I can’t wait for it to get here! 🙂

  115. Heather says:

    I don’t have a story about my kids teaching each other anything, I just wanted to say your book arrived in the mail the other day and I read the entire thing! I read a WHOLE book!! First time that has happened in… maybe 1.5 years! Thank you, and congrats!

    Now I’m going to make my husband read it!

  116. I’m still working on reading “I Just Want to Pee Alone”. Then it’s on to your book-I ordered it today! I didn’t get it ordered in time to get my bookplate which makes me sad, but I’m thrilled to be getting the book and can’t wait to read and review it!

  117. Fern says:

    My 6 year old just learned to open the locks in the house with that little staight key thing. I threatened his life if he ever does it while mommy and daddy are having “alone time”!

  118. kathy says:

    today my ds bought your book. We were in the bookstore waiting for the older sister and of course they have your book displayed in the middle aisle, and because your drawings are so animating he decided to read your book. As we all know, boys hate reading books, but he was so ingrossed in this book, I had to ask him what was he reading. He shows me the chapter where your boys are yelling penis as you get your pizza. That got me intreged and I started to read the book. Well, ds wanted to finish the book but he had to buy it first. Oh, I guess I forgot to mention, ds is 10 yrs old. Ya, I guess I’m a bad parent because he’s reading your book, but I guess thats what happens when you have 4 kids, I don’t even bat and eyelash anymore. Thanks for the laughs.

  119. When I was a kid my siblings taught me how to put Scotch tape on a cat’s back to make it crouch down like it’s crawling under furniture. I feel so bad for that cat now that I’m an adult but he was such a good sport. He never complained and he was super sweet. 🙂

    • Linda C says:

      I watched a whole video about cats’ reactions to tape. The voice was creepy but it was so interesting to watch.

  120. Emily W says:

    My son, 3.5 or 4 at the time, was using the potty one morning when we were supposed to be leaving for school and work. I called to him from the front door to hurry up and finish, to which he responded “Wait a g*ddamn minute, I’ll be right there!”. As I bore down on the bathroom asking “WHAT did you just say?!”, he repeated it, facing away from me and in a tiny voice. While trying not to laugh (because I know where he got it from), I explained that that was not a nice thing to say and if I heard him say it again, I’d wash his mouth out with soap. His response? “Does that mean that Daddy will wash his mouth out when he gets home?” Yes, thank you DH. 🙂

  121. Karen says:

    Yeah, my almost 6 year old has taught his little brother the chair trick for reaching things too. Unfortunately for all, he is only 20 months and has short legs and can’t climb up onto the kitchen chair yet. So he just pushes it into position, tries to climb up, but ends up in a fit because he can’t get onto the chair. We’re just waiting until one of them figures out what to use for a step up onto the chair…

  122. Angela in SC says:

    Ahhhhhhhhhh, yes…. I have five and our “crappy baby” (newly 2) is gonna have a lot of “good” and “deviant” knowledge as well as pretty good “street cred” by the time he’s grown. Heck, they roll their eyes and inform ME of how to work a new gadget, etc. as I fumble with the manual…

  123. Hillary says:

    Loved it (not!) when the 8 year old came running to tattle on the 3 year old for “Using the bad finger”….except the 3 year old has no idea what the bad finer is, until now!! Grr.

  124. Jennifer says:

    My son taught his two year old sister the lovely phrase “butt face!” Now she says it all the time!!! I asked her to go see if her brother was almost finished with his shower and to remind him to scrub his butt (he’s 6, he forgets!) and I heard their entire conversation. She happily walks back to me and says “Bubba’s almost done. He call me a butt face!” LMBO! He did NOT call her that, but it was hilarious to see her face when she told me he did. Not only is he teaching her new words, but also how to blame things on a sibling, even if they aren’t true. Now that’s learning at it’s finest right there.

  125. Kerry Grandusky says:

    There’s lots of baby activity gear out there, and baby swings are one of the most popular baby items you can find. Baby swings are a great way for babies and parents to take a break, but they aren’t a necessity like car seats and cribs are. For some, the decision to buy a baby swing is easy, but for parents on a budget or with little space in the home, the choice isn’t as easy. If you’re stuck between whether to buy extra baby gear, like a baby swing, or not, read on to learn the top 5 reasons to buy baby swings, and maybe the decision will become easier.-

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  126. Herma Venturi says:

    When you are choosing the types of bathroom faucets that you decide to install, you will be amazed by the number of different options which are available to you. There are a number of different materials, including chrome, stainless steel, brushed nickel or brass. It can be difficult to know exactly which type of bathroom faucet to use. Each different type of faucet has different advantages and disadvantages, this makes them suitable for different purposes. Your preferences can affect the options that are suitable for you.”

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  127. Tanesha Weck says:

    I remember vividly the day my family moved from Cedar Rapids, Iowa to Chicago. I was all of ten years old and like any child would be, excited to see the city. My father had received a promotion at the bank he had worked at since well before I was born and we were now leaving the relative comfort of our home for an apartment on Michigan Avenue. Driving into the city was almost surreal, and although sullen over leaving my friends behind, I was enthralled with the possibility of great opportunities that lay ahead. All the wonder and amazement I was experiencing after having traveled through the concrete canyons of the Windy City was soon overshadowed by the news that my father decided to impart to me the moment we entered our new domicile. I would be sharing a room with my younger brother.,

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  128. Vicki says:

    My daughter is almost two. For the most part, she pronounces words very well. Except when my five year old son delights in teaching her an undecipherable mess.

    Daughter (proudly points to eye): “Eye!”

    Son (points to eye): “No, Y!”

    Daughter (pointing): “Football?”

    Son: “Noo… gootdoll!”

    Then he will point at random things and make nonsense sounds while she studies him seriously. He says that it is their “secret baby language.”

  129. Venita Cotrell says:

    I remember vividly the day my family moved from Cedar Rapids, Iowa to Chicago. I was all of ten years old and like any child would be, excited to see the city. My father had received a promotion at the bank he had worked at since well before I was born and we were now leaving the relative comfort of our home for an apartment on Michigan Avenue. Driving into the city was almost surreal, and although sullen over leaving my friends behind, I was enthralled with the possibility of great opportunities that lay ahead. All the wonder and amazement I was experiencing after having traveled through the concrete canyons of the Windy City was soon overshadowed by the news that my father decided to impart to me the moment we entered our new domicile. I would be sharing a room with my younger brother.^

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  130. Christina D says:

    Yes, but it was hubby’s fault instead of big sister #1,2,3 or big bro #4. My 2 1/2 year old son has recently become a booty digger. (Don’t ask, I don’t know why) although I’m constantly telling him to leave that thing alone that its dirty and washing hands constantly.
    :{ well one day of booty digging shenanigans my sweet, lovely little angel ran up to his dad and loudly yelled “eeewy” and made the face you make when something offensive finds its way up your nose. Well dad either wasn’t paying attention to my booty digging battle the last few days or who knows what men think. Anyway dad goes ahead a takes a sniff (to find out what’s “eeewy”) to my amusement dad makes the same face and declares to our son that his hand “smells like B Hole!” So now, on top of the butt digger problem (which he has now found amusing) I have to time out, wash hands and explain to a child that it is NOT NICE to but dig and then chase his sisters around yelling “I have B Hole hands!!” Which is the greatest thing in the world to him right now. Uggh, hope this doesn’t last too long. :-{ Thanks dad.