Insulting Compliments (Non-Crappy Collaboration)

Today for my next Crappy Collaboration* post I bring you Susan from Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva.

My first introduction to Susan was this hilarious dancing video. She had me at roller skates. I will forever picture her in my head wearing that pink unitard. I love it so much, it is her official “crappy” uniform when she hangs out over here. 

*Crappy Collaborations are my way to share some of my favorite, funny parenting writers. They wrote the words, I drew the pictures. 

Here is Susan’s post, with my crappy pictures…

(Insulting) Compliments From Kids, by Susan McLean

©2011-2012, Susan McLean; illustrations ©2012, Amber Dusick

Kids generally mean well, but sometimes their compliments leave a little to be desired. Sure, they’re trying to say something nice, but there’s something that gets lost in translation from the kid’s mouth to the adult’s ears.

I could have a list a mile long, but these are some of my recent favorites…out of the mouth of (my) babes:

insulting compliments 1

insulting compliments 2

insulting compliments 3

Thanks Susan!

The rest of her list is right here and just as hilarious as the ones above.  

We’d love to hear your insulting compliments! (Um, the ones you’ve received from your kids. Not ones directed at us.) 

Please visit Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva. You know you want to. If that pink unitard didn’t do it for you then you should consult a doctor because your funny receptor might be clogged. You can also say “hi” to Susan via Facebook, she won’t mind at all if you do. 

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184 Responses to Insulting Compliments (Non-Crappy Collaboration)

  1. Karen says:

    lol my son recently told me, “I like your legs Mommy, they feel like a porcupine!”

  2. Marlena says:

    I should not have been eating cereal when I read this. I should know better by now. :)

  3. leslie says:

    My son told me, he’d loved to play with me when I was a little girl, way back in the olden days.

    • Stefanie says:

      My 6 year old did asked about the olden days just yesterday and my 5 year old (later the same day) got up from sitting next to me and came back with scissors and said ‘don’t move mommy, there is hair on your legs.’

    • Trisha W. says:

      My 6 y.o. son is using the term ‘old-fashioned’ a lot these days. In one instance, he referred to our 1995 Toyota Tacoma as being old-fashioned. It’s not that old, but according to him it’s old-fashioned because it has crank windows (and non-electronic locks I must add).

  4. jill says:

    Yay, another new blog to check out, I”ve never heard of Domestic Diva but anyone who dons an outfit like that for the sake of internet attention is my kind of funny.

  5. Beth says:

    My 2.5 year old has a speech delay but one of the words he is very good at is boo-boo. This isn’t an insulting compliment, per se, but recently he’s been pointing at my face, looks concerned and says “boo-boo.” Apparently my face is a giant boo-boo. Nice.

    • Denee says:

      My son regularly point out my facial “owies” as well! Awesome. On the bright side, he kisses them all better for me. Anything that gets me kisses from my busy 2 yr old isn’t all bad :)

      • Lizz says:

        When I was still teaching, I got a lot of curious and concerned preschoolers questioning my acne. So glad that my son is only 18 months and hasn’t started insulting me– yet!

        • Karen says:

          My parents friends had a little boy, 2 or 3, and every time he saw me and my acne, he told everyone in the family that I had chicken pox! Embarrassing

  6. Mel says:

    My daughter used to tell me that she has a little tummy and Mommy has a big tummy! I’m not even chubby! lol

    • Sarika says:

      ha ha ha…My husband has got the ‘little tummy Biiiiiiiig Biiiiiiiig tummy’ from my 3 year old :P I was holding my breath…thankfully it stopped at that :D

  7. Leslie says:

    SO. Friggin’. FUNNY! :) Thanks for sharing (esp the roller skate dance… I realized that sometimes I take life too seriously and should try some silly things! although…. skating through the neighborhood in a hot pink unitard will NOT happen!) ;)

  8. TBH, I would rather be a circle than a square or triangle! :P

  9. Amanda D. says:

    My husband has tried to teach my 4 year old twins boys how to use flattery to get what they want. Typical they will ask me for something and I will say no. Then they remember what their dad taught me so they will think of their worst insult and say the opposite. “Mommy, you is pretty and you is not stupid and I don’t want to put you on the road.”

  10. Sam says:

    just last night at the dinner table my son “warned” my mom that she was growing a beard, and then told her that she looks handsome.

  11. Erica W. says:

    I can’t think of one that is a compliment only ones that are just straight up insults!

    “Mommy your breath smells like the trash can.” I’m sure it does, kiddo, that is why you should come wake me up in the morning.

  12. My husband once told me my teeth were perfect…alignment wise.

  13. Amanda says:

    Got my hair cut pretty short one time. My then 5yo: “Mommy, you look like a beautiful boy!”

    I haven’t posted in a while, but there are some more gems here:
    https://www.facebook.com/schmidtmykidsays

  14. Angela says:

    Mommy, I can’t wait to grow up and have stripes on my belly just like yours so I look like a zebra. (yay stretchmarks)

  15. Nikki says:

    I am 30…that number use to be scary to me and I was vocal about it. The other day my four year old told me “Don’t worry mom you’re not old just fat” He used to be my favorite child :/

  16. Mandy says:

    “Mommy, I love your big sofy belly! It has pretty wrinkles that look like trees on it!” -Adrian, aged 4 at the time

  17. amy says:

    Me: “Why are you carrying your pillow around?”
    C: “Because I miss you.”
    Me: “Um… Okay. So why are you carrying your pillow around?”
    C: “Because I love it because it’s squishy and soft just like you and I love you.”
    Me: “I love you too, buddy. Wanna help mama find her gym bag?”

  18. Taryn says:

    So funny! I’m really enjoying the collaborations because I get exposed to new blogs to check out and procrastinate with.

  19. Tracy says:

    I got this one just the other night: I like laying my head on your tummy…it’s so squishy, like a pillow. *sigh*

  20. Jennifer B says:

    My daughter’s comment to me the other day, “I love to hug you because your squishy!”

    *This is after I’d spent several months dieting intensely and lost 25 lbs!

  21. Mike says:

    Funny! Can’t think of one but will come back later.

  22. Kelly says:

    This Crappy Collaboration made my day! I found you and Susan at about the same time (3 or 4 months ago) and have always thought you should team up. THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU! (just don’t do it too often or i will NEVER get any housework done…)

  23. Laura b. says:

    I just checked out her video, so funny in a can’t look away sort of way. Thanks for sharing another blog!

    Oh and when my daughter was around four or five we were looking at old photos of me from about five years earlier, “You were so beautiful back then before you got old.”

  24. Denise Krieger says:

    OMG, I get the “I love your fat mom, it’s so soft and jiggly…i just love it” lmao

    • Becky says:

      Me too, Denise! My daughter always likes to tell me how much she loves to snuggle with me because I’m “just sooooo squishy!”

      Toned muscles are seriously not a desirable trait in our household.

    • Trisha W. says:

      When my sister was little she totally embarassed my mom by ‘swinging’ the arm fat/loose skin on my mom’s friends arms. I think my sister had a comment to go along with it, but that was decades ago and I no longer remember.

  25. Desi says:

    My nephews all call me Auntie D because Desi sounds an awful lot like Daddy when you’re learning to speak. Also, I am not skinny.

    One day when my nephew Vince was about 10 we were at Red Robin with the whole family. This is a restaurant chain that has TVs in the floor in the waiting area, covered by glass. That impressed Vince a lot and he was telling his mom how cool it was that you could walk over the TVs, then he added, “Even AUNTIE D can stand on them, Mom!”

  26. Ashley says:

    New to your blog and LOVE it!!!! Also loving this collaboration so that I can see who else I should be paying attention to out there. My daughter told me my boobies were “so skinny”. Unfortunately its not the part of my body I want that adjective attributed to.

  27. Sara says:

    My son told me “Your belly is so cool it is like stretchy rubber!”

  28. Let me just preface by saying that I’m very blessed in the leg hair department, in that it doesn’t usually grow very fast. (Example: The summers I lifeguarded, I only shaved once or twice a week.) Except for when I’m pregnant–then that stuff grows like weeds, and I generally just don’t care.

    The other night, I was sitting on the couch with my three-year-old, with my legs across his lap. Suddenly, he starts rubbing my legs up and down saying “Mom, I like your fur! My legs don’t have fur on them. Why are your legs furry?” “Well, they’re furry because I haven’t shaved recently.” “Oh. You should go do that Right Now.”

  29. Gsn says:

    My cousin once said the following to my Aunt: “don’t worry about not being pretty on the outside because you are beautiful on the inside and that’s most important!”

  30. Kim says:

    ERMAHGERD.

    That. video. is. epic.
    I peed a little. <—truth

    I can't actually think of an example of being insulted that was meant to be a compliment. My kids just go for the direct hit. Monsters.

  31. Jennifer P says:

    How about insults or criticisms told to other people? My favourite is from a co-worker who is the first to say she isn’t fond of cooking and doesn’t bake much. Her friend was looking after her three year old who was watching with fascination as she took cookies out of the oven. He said to his mom’s friend, “My mommy doesn’t make hot cookies.”

  32. Jennifer says:

    HAHAHA the mustache one killed me. I am one of those women that has to get her upper lip waxed every three weeks or so (lucky me!) and hubby always makes the joke that my mustache is better than his. Thanks, hubby! Haha! :)

  33. Molly says:

    My 5 year old once walked into the house and said, “Wow, Mom! The cleaning lady must have been here ’cause YOU don’t clean THIS good!”

  34. Liz says:

    When I was pregnant with my son my daughter announced to the grocery store “my mommy isn’t just fat, we are having a baby!!”

  35. Heather says:

    My son is two and is still not speaking all that coherently yet but I remember something my sister and I said to my mother once. We were watching some t.v. show that was a tribute to Elvis Presley and my mother was recalling how mad she was that her sister got to go an Elvis concert and she couldn’t because she was too young. My sister and I looked at each other then at our mom and said in tandem, “You were alive when Elvis was alive?!” The look of pained chagrin on my mother’s face was priceless. We still tease her about it to this day.

  36. Shannon says:

    I get the squishy one a lot too: “mom, I love you ’cause you are so fat and squishy!” My son in kindergarten told a teacher that he really liked her b/c she was fat and squishy like his mom.

    And, one time I got a really short, pixie hair cut. It was a pretty drastic change. So, I go to pick up young son from school (he was in 1st grade) from extended care. He took one look at me and busted out crying. He told me, “mom what did you do to your hair? you look like a chick!” I told him that I was a “chick.” He told me that chicks were bad girls who said mean things. I stand by the fact that I’m a chick even though he doesn’t think I am! ;)

    • Shannon says:

      Oh, he my dear boy is also always grabbing on my fat arms and saying “I just love your fat blubber.” Freakly little kid!

  37. Ceilidh says:

    My three year old son told me his favourite game to play with me was “go do bad stuff in your room, Mommy!”.
    This game involves me tossing him on the bed. It sounds much much worse,

  38. Heidi Meyers says:

    Hahaha! I love it. My son (3) loves to play with my tummy because you know, after 2 kids it’s pretty squishy, he grabs it and pushes it together with a big grin on his face and says “Squish! Squish! I love your squishy tummy mommy, it’s so much fun!” *sigh* at least somebody likes my tummy, right?

  39. CarrieAnn says:

    From my 4 year old son, “Mommy, will I ever be as HUGE as you?” My 3 year old daughter responded, “No way! Mommy is bigger than anyone…ever.”

    *sigh*

    To be fair, I am a VERY tall mommy. Standing 6’2 and not exactly thin they may actually be right but who wants to hear that?!?

    • Rebecca says:

      CarrieAnn: pretty tall, Mama. :D

    • haley says:

      LOL, my family is made up of super tall beings too, so in order to prepare us kids, they would often semi-mock folks of normal porportion and speak highly of the attributes of being tall. I was so brainwashed, I didn’t realize that being tall wasn’t what every female aspired to be until I was 28 years old. I had spent YEARS pitying women under 5’9 for being “smurfs”. :P

    • Cynthia2 says:

      I’m 6’0″. Solidarity, Mama!

  40. Sarah says:

    Yeah, my two favorite blogs collide. My favorite was when my son said to me “Don’t worry Mommy, I’ve seen monkies with hairier arms than yours.” Thanks, I feel better that I’m not the hairest mammal around.

  41. debit says:

    My son recently told his teacher that she reminded him of his grandma. Now, he loves his grandma, so he meant well, but no woman “of a certain age” wants to be compared to grandmothers!!

  42. Sara says:

    My sister uses the word “complisults”, though usually they refer to things our mother says. There was this infamous one from my grandma: Sara, you are much more attractive than your sister, but she is SO MUCH more photogenic than you”. It’s nice when you can efficiently insult several people at once like that

    When she was three or four, my oldest said something loudly about how fat a teenage boy was that we saw in a store. We of course had a long talk about that, and I said all the stuff that you say, including that we are all beautiful at every size, and we should never talk loudly about how someone else looks. Later that week, we’re in the hot tub at the pool, and a very very very large woman gets in. My daughter looks at me and says “oh mommy…that lady is VERY BEAUTIFUL”. Now this is the euphemism we use with my friends-my attorney friend will say “I have a new client…and she is VERY BEAUTIFUL”.

    • Kay says:

      Love both “complisults” and the euphemism – must steal!

      The two-in-one-blow comment from your grandmother was priceless. That takes talent!

  43. Courtney says:

    When I was little, I told my mom she looked just like Ronald McDonald! I meant that she had thighs that pointed out on the sides, just like him. I loved Ronald McDonald, and thought it was a great compliment! My mom, on the other hand….

  44. Jessica says:

    My son (age 4) looked at my high school senior picture and said “it looks like you combed your hair.” A commentary on my current grooming habits, perhaps.

  45. Naomi says:

    My daughter, when she was around 4, told me that she hopes that when she grows up she’ll have boobies that are long and swingy down to ‘here’ like mine. (“here” was indicated with her hands at hip level . . .)

  46. Kaydee says:

    I was just asked this morning by my 7 1/2 year old if there was Halloween when I was a kid?! Then my 3 year old chimed in with, “no she’s too old!” Dang I’m only 28!!!

  47. Kim D. says:

    My kids have several times told me how I’m soft and sweet and SQUISHY like a marshmallow. And how my wrinkle belly is their favorite part of me (in their defense, my belly skin has made up for being covered with stretch marks by being SUPER DUPER soft and velvety… I’ll take what I can get!).

  48. Jo says:

    When my son was 3-4ish he walked in the bathroom just as I was exiting the shower. He piped up in awed amazement, “Mom, your bottom looks like a sumo wrestler!”

    Yeah…um…I’ve since slimmed down a bit since those days, but geesh kid!

  49. cwm says:

    my daughter said, “your boobs are almost as big as my daddy’s” to her preschool teacher. Neither Daddy nor Miss Megan felt great hearing that.

  50. Alice says:

    From my 4 year old: “Mommy, I LOOOOOVE your butt … I love it so much because it’s sooooo BIIIIGGG!!” hmmm … thank you honey, you could have stopped that sentence early it would have been great.

  51. Kate says:

    My son said he loves my “squishy tummy cuz it’s so soft”….

    Kate
    http://www.justdelivered.net

  52. Heathbar says:

    My older son insults all the adults in my house. My husband convinced my son that if he eats hot dogs with char marks on them (i.e. from the grill), his arm hair will grow dark like Daddy’s. My then four-year-old was explaining this to his little brother: “If I eat the black parts on the hot dog, my arm hair will get all dark like Mommy’s!” Wait! What? “And Daddy’s too. And then I’ll get a circle on my head. Daddy, can I see your circle?” Husband shows four-year-old his rapidly enlarging bald spot.

  53. sarah s. says:

    My dd was 3 when she decided that Gramma and Daddy were lucky because they had “face nipples” (moles). So glad I don’t!!!

  54. Kimberly S. says:

    LOL!!! Those are great. Although I know adults who compliment that way as well, however I think the hidden insults are actuall meant by the adults. Like the time I ran into a former co-worker whom I never liked. She said to me, “Wow! Last time I saw you, you were REALLY BIG!!!!……(long pause)…..you know, pregnant.” Me: “Yes, well thanks….nice to see you too. I’ll be going now.”

    So, was that just a compliment saying I’m no longer really big? Now I’m just sorta big? Or was that a strange way of asking how my baby was doing, since you didn’t actually ask me about my baby from when I was “really big……you know, pregnant”.

  55. Delora says:

    I was taking a bath with my 2.5yo this weekend (we don’t usually bathe together, but he was sick), and as I was leaning back to rinse my hair, he poked my tummy and goes “cheesecake!” I laughed and said that no, that’s mommy’s tummy, not cheesecake. He just kept poking and saying “cheesecake” over and over. The irony is that my tummy probably is partially made of cheesecake.

    (He also has a dairy allergy, so has never had cheesecake in his life – I have no idea where he got that word from!)

  56. Linda Dewlaney says:

    When my son was 5, we picked up his sister, who had recently dyed her hair black in a show of independence, at the airport. She was on winter break from college (yes, they are 13 years apart). We were waiting in the area near the gate (this was before 9/11, when you could do this sort of thing) and as passengers came up the jetway, their loved ones were clamoring around them, greeting them with hugs and general enthusiasm. When my daughter appeared, with her new hair color, her brother stopped in his tracks and exclaimed, in his loudest 5-year-old voice, “Sister, WHAT did you DO to your beautiful HAIR?” General hilarity followed. Definately not a compliment, even tho he included the “beautiful” part.

  57. Katherine Houser says:

    When my son was younger he once told me that I wasn’t old because old people are skinny. Then the next week he comes home from school and says “Mom I know why you feel bad. You have puberty its when you get old and grouchy.”

  58. Charli says:

    The other morning I was lying in bed wishing the alarm would disappear, when I heard my 6 yo talking to her daddy. I guess one of those workout dvd infomercials was on and my lovley daughter said “Wow, look at those big pants, they’re huge. They are Mommy sized! She needs some like that.” (or something to that effect) Of course, she is so concerned with our health that she comes up to me and flat tells me I am fat and need to start exercising. Thanks hun.

  59. Marguerite says:

    The other day we were eating dinner and my 5 year old says, “Mom, when you were a kid, what were chairs made out of?” I started laughing and asked him what he thought. He said, “Sticks.” Apparently, I am so old that tools were not around and we had to make furniture out of sticks. :)

  60. cassie says:

    My daughter was brushing her teeth and I came in to check on her, she looked at me in the mirror and said ” our faces look a lot alike, except mine is nice and smooth and yours is kinda old and droopy”.
    I’m only 30! My face is not old and droopy!! Little brat ;)

  61. Amanda S says:

    My 10-yr old male cousin told me I look like a famous person. Yeah, he added that there’s this wrestler on WWF and I look just like him except that he doesn’t have boobs. Awesome…

  62. Lori Atwood says:

    My daughter was trying to understand when dinosaurs were alive. I said millions of years ago. She asked me if there were dinosaurs when I was a little girl…

  63. Jo says:

    My 3 year old said to me the other day “you look very pretty today Mummy”. I was just thinking how sweet that was when he followed it up with “you don’t normally look pretty”!

  64. Brandi says:

    When my hubbby and I had first started dating, to say that he was socially awkward would be the understatement of the decade. So one night when I was being particularly hard on myself he looks at me and says “well, you aren’t model gorgeous or anything…”

    It was supposed to be a compliment in that he wouldn’t like to be with someone that was a size zero and that he loved my curves and blah blah blah… I think for this one he earned a high five… in the face… with a purse heavily laden with waitressing tips.

    My kids on the other hand are more of the “Mommy, when I grow up I’m not going to be fat like you.” Wow guys, thanks… just thanks…

    • Lauren says:

      ha, my husband and I now laugh at the fact that, when we were still dating, he once told me, “wow, you look better today”

      mmm… better than what exactly?

  65. Sharon says:

    Oh mommy! I love your jiggly arms!

  66. Susan says:

    I homeschool and my middle girl is taking general science. I was helping her and I said wait I need the book. She says I wish you were smart and didn’t have to look at the answers.

  67. Bobbie says:

    I got these two from my 5 yo son within a week of each other:
    “Mommy, you’re big boobies look like a butt on your front.” ( I am we’ll-endowed but come-ON!
    “Mommy, I like your big butt in these pants.” (I was wearing my running tights. I may have large breasts, but I do not have a big butt…I would actually prefer a little more junk in my trunk to balance out the girls!)
    I’m sure he meant it in the nicest way possible.

  68. Stephanie says:

    My 4 year old daughter walks in as I am drying off from a shower and says ‘when I get big and get boobies are they gonna be like yours mama?’ I said ‘Maybe…why?’ ‘well yours are like raindrops but Looooong rain drops like when its raining realllllly hard and I want mine to be round like the sun.’ :/

  69. “Mom, I’ve seen pictures of you when you were skinny. But I like you this way too.”

  70. Denise P says:

    I just got a haircut and my stylist went a little heavy on the bangs for my taste. (read: boring) When I walked in the door, my husband said, “Wow! You look like a hipster!” And my two year old daughter said, “Yeah mom! You look like a hamster!” I wasn’t really going for either look.

  71. Leah says:

    My daughter (3 at the time) said this to me one day:

    L: “I’m going to be 6 years old next year!”
    Me: “No, you’re going to be 4 years old”.
    L: “Wow, that’s REALLY old…. just like you!”

    :)

  72. Angie says:

    My brother said to a friend of my moms “I dont know what mom is talking about, you dont have 2 faces!”

    Also told my great Aunt, who was bathing him, and told him that his fingers were wrinkly cause he had them in the water too long, that she must have stuck her face in the water too long.

  73. Kristen M says:

    My then 6 yr old told me he liked cuddling with me more then his dad. I was touched til he said “he’s hard and you’re squishy”. Nice

  74. Maia says:

    I frequently call my 4 year old son my “cute little guy”.

    One morning he replied: “Mommy is beautiful… and cute and large”.

    My heart soared then dropped in 2 seconds. I know what he meant, but it still stung.

  75. Jodi says:

    I suffer from flare ups of cystic acne and about 7 months ago my son was sitting at the table playing a game and then started staring at me. I started getting a little creeped out after 5 solid minutes of this and asked him what he was so intently looking at and he said “you know mom you don’t have smooth skin like some people, yours is all bumpy and stuff”

  76. Jade says:

    My daughter said “mom, I love your belly. It’s jiggly like Santa’s!”

  77. Heather says:

    My husband and I went out to his semi-formal work fundraiser a few weeks ago. My almost 5 yo asked what the black stuff was on my legs (pantyhose) and was really concerned about how I was going to get it off. When the babysitter asked him how he thought his mom looked, he replied, “She looks like the weirdest person ever!” I took it as a compliment. :)

  78. mrs wormwood says:

    I’ve not taught my 4yr old about the girl body parts yet, so it’s all bottom to her. She says I have a big hairy bottom. Mind you, she also says she wants big boobies like me when she’s older, I’m an A-cup.

  79. Jen W says:

    AWESOME. I love this collaboration!!! Hadn’t heard of Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva before, but I can totally see why you love her – she is a riot!!! The sequined mom prom dress for laundry day was wonderful… I really must try that :) Loved her nutcracker nonsense dance too – she is hysterical! Where does she get these amazing outfits?! Everyone should have a pink unitard!

  80. Noey says:

    I found you THROUGH Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva! (I google searched bad Father’s Day gifts and found her blog. ROFL! Thanks, Google!) She was so funny I had to see who SHE followed and thus found you!

    The pink unitard is so totally the best. <333333333333

  81. Annie says:

    After many embarrassing situations, my five-year-old has finally learned not to insult people. Now he just stares at me with a funny look on his face. When I ask him why he’s doing that, he says he can’t tell me because he doesn’t want to get in trouble. Even when I ask again, he absolutely refuses. So I end up staring in the mirror trying to figure out what on earth he thought was wrong. Drives me crazy!!

  82. Angie says:

    I was laughing so hard my oldest daughter (13) asked me if I was okay.

    My five year old daughter asked me why I had so many stretch marks on my stomach and veins on my legs. I told her it was from having kids. I’d better come up with a better story if I want grandkids one day. :)

    Speaking of compliments–my favorite compliment from adults is “WOW, you look so good for having five kids. “So, what if I only had let’s say two kids I’d be less attractive?” Probably. I think most people are just surprised I’m dressed and fairly sane looking. :)

  83. Candi says:

    It really wouldn’t be so insulting if it didn’t happen in the middle of a store, but my daughter pointed to a rack of bras and said, “Look, Mommy, bras for women with huuuuge boobies like you!”

    When we were dating, my husband once said, in all earnestness, “I’m so glad you’re not overly feminine like most of the women around here.” He genuinely meant it as a compliment, but I didn’t take it that way at the time. Now, I know he’s just a dork who carries around a spare foot to shove into his mouth on occasion.

  84. Sally says:

    I still laugh when I remember the time my (then) 5yo niece stroked my mum’s legs and said to her “I love your rainbow legs nana”. She was referring to her varicose veins!

  85. Amanda Reed says:

    My 6 year old told me the other day that she liked to watch me run because it’s funny when my tummy goes “bouncy bouncy bouncy”….

  86. Michelle says:

    I once got:
    “I like your shirt. Yes, it is pink like a pig.”
    … thinks for a moment …
    “Actually, you look more like a cross between a pig and a whale because your jeans are blue”

  87. Michelle says:

    We were at a museum looking at vintage cars – circa 1910 and my 6 year old son are they the cars that you had when you were young?

    • Michelle says:

      Oops left out ‘asked’. And wanted to say how funny this post it and the video, laughed so much a great way to start the day!

  88. Nancy C says:

    I could see the wheels were turning one morning for my 4 year old Reece-he was staring at my husband, and wanted to say something nice. My husband was smiling back at him, when Reece said “Oh, Daddy, I love your golden teeth.” My coffe came out my nose.

  89. Eleusis Kore says:

    Love your posts!!! My godson says to me this summer… “I love you and would marry you if you weren’t such a big girl.” To him, “big” means “old,” but either way…not exactly quite right. :)

  90. It’s not exactly a compliment, but my two year old always prays for my freckles and moles- lays his chubby hand on them and prays. I always tell him they don’t hurt, but I guess he thinks I need miraculous healing!

  91. Kim says:

    If GOD FORBID my razor doesn’t remove every single bit of stubble from my armpits, my precious 3 yr old little girl cringes whenever I lift my arms and screams “SPIDERS!” at the top of her lungs. I will say, it is fun to threaten her with my pits ;)

  92. Ruth says:

    When my son was 5, he saw a teenager whose face was covered in acne, to where it looked like he had a (worse) skin disorder or disease. He said, loud enough for the boy to hear I think, “Mommy, we should pray for his face!” It was out of total concern, but I felt bad for the boy (if he heard) & it was not easy to explain to my son why we weren’t stopping & praying with the teen. #ParentingFail?

  93. sarah freeman says:

    a friend after putting on lovely makeup to go out for the evening, her small son said “Mummy! you look as pretty as a fish” (they did have some very beautiful colourful shiny fish :-) And my 2 yr old patting my stomach while I was getting dressed, having put on some of those wonderful hold you in pants, said affectionately “bottom, bottom” …hahaha

  94. Toya says:

    Lol! Recently while watching Jen Hudson on Oprah, she was talking about her weight loss. My 8 year old says “mom, you should do WW too so you can be skinny like her”. And she meant it in the most loving way ever! Lol

  95. SarahJoy says:

    When my son was 6 weeks old I had extensive knee surgery. When i was recovering my friend visited with her 5 yr old who asked “did you break your leg because you’re fat?” I didn’t realize the pain meds were for comments!

  96. islajmom says:

    “Oh noooo! you have boo-boo on your face, get bandaid?” (my very concerned 2 year old to the blemish on my chin)

  97. Janette says:

    I was looking at swimsuits in a clothes catalog and my 4 yr old son exclaimed “Mommy, why are their bellies straight and not fluffy like yours?! And look at her, look(!), when she smiles there are no lines on her face. None! You have lines on your face, on your eyes when you smile. A lot of lines. Where are hers?” He then went on to the tops “So, why are her thingies here (up high) and yours here (lower)?” I remind him they are breasts and not thingies. “I want my *breasts* up here like hers” Needless to say, we then moved on to the grocery store ads. I felt safe(r) with the grocery ads.

  98. Carolyn says:

    so when my now 31 year old daughter was 3 she asked me if they still had covered wagons when I was younger. I was 33 at that time

  99. Kristin says:

    My then 2.5-yr old said at the pool locker room once about some lady getting dressed – Wow I love her BLACK butt (meaning the hair) lol

    My sister and I used to love going up behind our mom and grabbing the elbow skin and playing with it. We used to tell her we liked her “sugar sacks” haha no idea how we came up with that, but I am sure she was less than amused!

  100. Jen says:

    We were at storytime at the library, when my 4 year old ripped a little part off the corner of a page of a book. He looked all worried when he showed me, and very relieved when I told him it was no big deal. He said with a huge smile, “You’re the best Mommy, thanks for not screaming at me!”. I don’t know where that came from since I hardly ever yell, let alone scream, let alone at him. I guess I should just be glad he didn’t say in the middle of the circle of moms, “thanks for not slapping me and locking me in the basement”.

    Also, just today I walked into the kitchen where my two year old was. She looked up at me for a few seconds and said, “oh, I’m happy it’s you, Mommy. I thought it was Grandma”. OK, that one stings a little.

  101. heather says:

    It was my husbands birthday-and he was turning 43. I asked how old was I-he goes 43 (I am 34) asked him how old was daddy and he said old…lol

  102. Robonanny says:

    My son was sitting on my lap while we on the tube one day and my son patted my chest and asked “What are these called, Mummy?” “Breasts,” I said, “unless you’re a man and then they’re called moobs”… Son’s fascinated gaze swung to Daddy sitting next to us and he announced at the top of his lungs “Oh, my Daddy has _really_ big ones!”

    Poor fiancé, I cracked up along with the 20 people sitting close enough to hear!!!!

  103. Ilse Ganz says:

    1. You have a nice big bum mommy!
    2. When I had coffee: your breath smells funny
    3. When I undress and have a g string on: how did your panties get stuck in your bum Mommy?

  104. J. Hofer says:

    When my niece (almost 2) was asked what the witches were in the Halloween display at the grocery store, she replied “anka”–the German word she uses for her grandma.

  105. Laura says:

    My son was recently laying in lap and reached up and started cupping and petting under my chin (where I’m most self-conscious of my unwanted fat), and then asked “What is this?”. “That’s my chin.” I answered, trying to not draw attention. He lovingly replied, “I like it! It feels big!!”.
    Sigh.

  106. Kristine says:

    I don’t know where this came from, but I do know that my older brother started it. “He did it!”

    When we were elementary school aged, my brother (and me and then my younger brother) thought it was very funny to grab my mother’s butt cheek, squeeze it and say, “Plump and tender!”

    To this day, I have no clue where that came from, but we all did it. Probably for years. And my mom still loves us! :)

  107. Elizabeth says:

    I get all the time from the 4yo princess, “You’re beau(ooooo)tiful, Momma, but when I grow up, I want to have boobs.”

  108. Katie B says:

    What convenient timing since my 3 year old daughter was kind enough to inform me that “the raspberry she was eating was hairy, just like your legs mommy!”

    Toddlers are genius, next time u need to insult someone, compare it to something lovely and say it with enthusiasm! Chances are u will be long gone before they realize it was an insult.

  109. Marie says:

    Last night my two year old told me ‘I’m little and mine Mommy is huge!’ I responded saying, ‘Gee, I didn’t think I was THAT big yet’ (I’m 5 months pregnant) and then I heard hubby laughing hysterically in the next room.

  110. Carrie says:

    I vividly remember my mom being on diets when I was younger (Richard Simmons, Denise Austin, pills, hypnosis…anything really). While going to church, mom said she was just going to pray the fat away. My dad told her that she was perfect the way she was and she told him to just try and find someone bigger than her. Halfway through church, the school principal (a Catholic nun) sat down in front of us and I stated (Mom says I yelled) “Look, Mommy. She’s fatter than you!” For some reason, my parents decided not to put me in that school…hmm.

  111. Lizzie G says:

    This is an adult complisult but still amusing. Years ago My sister went to a nail salon that she hadn’t been too in a while after losing 20kg (44pounds) and the nail artist greeted her with “ahhh you no fat no more”

    It still makes me laugh

  112. Katie says:

    The kid who snuggled into me with a satisfied sigh and the phrase “mmmmm, you’re like a big, squishy bean bag…” um. How….sweet.

  113. My daughter yearned for a baby brother or sister, and every few day, would ask me if I had a “baby in there” while rubbing my stomach. She would almost always conclude with mentioning that my belly “looks a little big” and there is probably a baby in there!

  114. Jenny d says:

    My 3 yr old was watching me wash my make-up off my face and she said, aww Mom, now you’re not pretty anymore.:/ Luckily she’s cute enough that I find the things she says hilarious!

  115. Jamie says:

    For some reason my son thanks “fat” is a complimentary word. So I get a lot of, “Mama, I love your fat belly!” and “Mama, your butt gets fatter every day.” He says it so sweetly and earnestly it almost hurts me to choke him afterward. Almost…

  116. CSmith says:

    We were on a hike and I got ahead of my daughter. She ran to catch up and said, “gosh Mama, I didn’t know you could walk so fast, I don’t mean because you’re fat, I mean because you’re so old.”

  117. Hayley says:

    Lol!!! My son is a little ways from talking (he is 9 months) but I am definitely looking forward to the entertaining things that are sure to come out of his mouth. Great post!

  118. Mary-Michael says:

    Though it didn’t come from one of my own, it’s still comment worthy. I was about 18 and my little brother was 6. He squeezed my upper arm and said, “I love your arms. They are so squishy and soft like pillows.” I started doing push ups the next day.

  119. Jaedyn says:

    LOL – I love this post! I laughed way too hard because it sounds like a typical day in my house!

    My favorite “gem” from my 4-year old DD, was when she was sitting on my lap and put her hands around my arm… “Mom! Your arms are SO SQUISHY!!”.

  120. Sharon says:

    This morning my 5yo son was snuggling with me, and he brushed some of my long brown wavy hair away from my face. He then told me, “Mommy, you’re beautiful…and from the back, you look like Chewbacca…”

  121. Rebecca says:

    This post is from last year but I just found it!

    I got double whammied a few weeks ago by my children (ages 5 and 3). I was going away for a weekend and leaving them with my Mom (aka Gran) and my son tells me, “Mom, I’m going to miss your prickly legs when you go away.” Without missing a beat my three year old follows this by saying, “And Mom, I’m going to miss your big arm. Its so much bigger than Gran’s.”

    They meant well…I think.

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