I used to go ice skating when I was a kid.
So after seeing ice skating featured in a whole bunch of Christmas movies last month I had the idea to take the kids.
This is how I envisioned our afternoon:
Our scarves would trail behind us as we’d glide around all bundled up in hats and mittens. We’d sip hot cocoa to stay warm.
So cozy and romantic, just like in the movies.
But I didn’t really think this through properly.
Ice skating is simply the worst thing ever.*
This is what ice skating is really like:
It’s scary and difficult and everybody feels like they have been lied to.
How did I so easily overlook the facts? How did I get duped by the romanticized version of ice skating shown in movies?
Do you know what ice skating is? In reality?
Ice skating is when you attach razor blades to the bottoms of stiff boots and then try to balance on a slippery, cold surface that is as hard as concrete. For fun.
As if that isn’t stupid enough, I was imagining that hot cocoa would be involved. You know, add a scalding hot liquid to spill on ourselves as we fell and broke things.
And it wasn’t just us.
Here, I’ll zoom out for you:
The entire surface of the ice was covered with pain and suffering.
Crappy Baby gave up right away and stood on the sidelines with me. After about a half hour, Crappy Boy was slowly starting to skate without holding onto the railing and he actually enjoyed himself. A bit. Well, until he fell down, then he was done too.
We returned our boots and sat down on a bench together to watch the other skaters. We watched people fall down. We watched one woman do twirls and jumps. And we shared a hot cocoa as we watched other families arrive with smiles and leave with tears.
It was cozy and romantic. Just like in the movies.
I was four when I learned to ice skate. But that was in Wisconsin so it isn’t really fair, I had months and months of snow and ice and there was nothing better to do. Ice skating where we live in Southern California involves parking lots and machines to keep the ice frozen for a couple weeks out of the year. It just isn’t the same. I’m quite certain we’d all have much more fun on a real lake. You know, except for the whole possibility of falling through the ice thing. Nevermind.