I Was On TV And I Survived

Let me back up a tiny bit. I wrote a book. When you write a book you get to do stuff that you wouldn’t normally do to help promote the book. Like go on TV.

So I got invited to go on TV. On HLN’s Raising America. It broadcasts nationally. Live

But I’m not a little bit nervous.

I’m a lot bit nervous.

The night before, I have my first irrational fear attack. I decide that I simply cannot go because I won’t be able to find the door of the building. What if I can’t find the door to the building? What if I wander around and around the building crying because I can’t find the way inside? What if the building has no door at all?

Then I beg Crappy Papa to switch bodies with me. Let him go on TV. Can’t we just press the triangle button and change characters?

These little details are the things I obsess over. This way I don’t actually think about what I’m really afraid of.

After a sleepless night, the morning arrives. I have to get up at 5AM because I’m on the west coast and it is three hours later than where the show is filmed.

It is still dark outside.

I take a shower.

Then I try to blow dry my hair.

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And it doesn’t work.

It is 5AM, I’m dripping wet and I have to leave for the studio in an hour and my blow dryer doesn’t work.

Panic sets in. Oh no! I’m going to have to go on national TV with wet hair!

Fortunately, it is just the outlet in the bathroom that isn’t working. So I dry my hair.

After what felt like mere seconds, time is up and I have to leave.

I am quickly putting things away when I reach over the fish tank and accidentally drop my glasses in. (Yes the tank has a glass cover, but it has a 3 inch wide opening for the filter on one side.)

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But I’m freaking out about getting there on time so I leave them there.

It is still dark outside.

I get in the car at the top of the driveway.

Our driveway is a steep hill. Plus, it has a slight curve to it.

Did I mention that I’m taking Crappy Papa’s car? Not mine? His is parked on the opposite side of the driveway. So I have to back down at a slightly different angle than I’m used to.

And I do it wrong. All wrong.

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My back wheel gets stuck in the dirt pile next to the driveway. Because of the steep angle of the driveway, I can’t pull forward.

Car. Won’t. Move.

Now this is the part where I should have just said, “Okay, clearly, I can’t handle this. I am a non-functioning human. I’m so nervous and tired that I can’t even drive a car. I most certainly shouldn’t go inside, wake up Crappy Papa and ask him to push me out of the driveway.”

But that is what I do. And soon, I’m on my way again. Driving down the freeway towards the building that likely has no door.

I arrive.

crappy-tv-4

(Okay, the CNN building doesn’t actually have a scary face on it. I just added that because most people aren’t afraid of a building. I needed you to see how scary it was for me.)

I park in the structure next to the building. When I take the elevator down to the ground level I see the doors! Right across from the elevator! I did it! I found the door to the building! I know how to get inside!

Triumphantly, I walk in and tell the security guy who I am and what show I’m a guest on. He phones some other security guy to come and get me.

I’m escorted through locked doors and through more locked doors and taken to the green room to wait.

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Green rooms supposedly were painted green in the old days. This one was beige.

There are big screen TVs all over showing the news. People are saying important stuff and sounding smart. Crap.

I quickly google the potential topics that we might be talking about. They’ll talk about some current news topic and ask for my opinions. And then they’ll talk about my book.

Current events? Dude. I just released a book. That is all I’ve been focusing on for the last two weeks. I don’t even know what is going on in my own family much less the rest of the world.

I have this fear that they’ll say, “So Amber, what are your thoughts on the Cuban missile crisis?” And I’ll be all, “Who? What? Is that a restaurant? I love Cuban food.” Then I’ll spontaneously combust.

But my panic loop is interrupted by a girl from hair and makeup. She takes me into another room and starts layering my face with creams and powders. Which is pretty cool actually. I’ve never had a makeup artist do my makeup. Not for my wedding and not even at the department store where those counter girl Sirens wave samples and make promises.

She then asks me if I’ll let her do my hair.

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She sprayed a can of something in my hair then she curled it then she took parts of it and teased it underneath and then combed the top layer over it so you can’t tell it is actually in knots and not actually all thick and luxurious. Super tricksy. But it worked.

And my makeup looks amazing too.

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Immediately after that, a security guy comes and gets me and takes me into the satellite room.

Now let me explain what being “via satellite” is like.

I’m in a very small and very dark room. Like a large closet. The back wall has a backdrop. I sit on a high stool in front of the backdrop and under the lights. They put a ear thing in my ear and a mic on my shirt.

A few feet in front of my face is a black box that looks like a TV screen that isn’t on. This black box is the camera. I’m supposed to look at it and talk into it. And somehow act like this is a normal thing to do.

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So the only connection I have to the person interviewing me is what I hear in my right ear.

I can’t see them. I also can’t see when I’m being filmed.

I only hear them in my ear and then I look into the black box and answer the question.

I’m sitting there waiting for it to start. My back is starting to hurt because I’m trying to sit up straight. I’m actually doing pretty well though because I’m remembering to breathe.

Then…it starts.

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I say some stuff. (No recollection of what it was, sorry. I’ll share the clip when I get it.)

Next they ask another blogger, Krystel, her thoughts and she starts to say something also via satellite but I guess there was a technical problem because her voice cut out.

Then they talk about my book and they say they are showing a couple of pics from the book. I hear laughing so that is good. I think they also show the cover. (Again, I can’t see anything that is going on. I can only hear the sound in my ear. No idea if the camera is still on me or not.)

We cut to commercial.

After the commercial, they mention the book again then then I hear a whole bunch of people talking at once. Five people? Four? Not sure. When they all laugh it is so loud that all I hear is static in my ear. I can’t hear anything! I can’t make out what anyone is saying!

Crap, this isn’t good.

Just laughter and static. Laughter and static.

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Then suddenly I hear, “Amber, weigh in.”

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For a moment, I just freeze. Completely dumbfounded by the realization that I’m now supposed to say something but I have no idea what they were just talking about because I couldn’t hear it.

And the camera is on me and I’m on TV.

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Then it is over! And I am still alive!

Yep. My interview ends with me looking confused and scared and saying, “I’m sorry? What?”

Not exactly a strong ending.

But at least I’ve found my catchphrase.

 

————-

More awesome giveaways going on! BabyRabies, Three Chickens and A Boat (Canada only), thethirtiesgrind (BC Canada only), MommyShorts, Change-Diapers (US & Canada), Snarkfest, Feisty Frugal & Fabulous, 5 Minutes for Mom, Playdate Crashers – thanks!!! (and let me know if I missed anyone)

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137 Responses to I Was On TV And I Survived

  1. Jackie says:

    OMFG, this is the funniest story ever, I’m crying laughing at the drawing of the building and your description of being in the video room. LOL

  2. When do we find out if you are a best-seller?!?!?

  3. Amanda says:

    Congratulations! I’m new to your blog, I have to say you’re absolutely hilarious!

  4. Robin Jingjit says:

    I can’t wait to see the real clip so I can see your luxurious hair!

  5. Outi says:

    I.. can’t.. breathe.. XD This was hilarious! I’m sure you did great and I can’t wait to see the clip! 😀 (Also, Amazon – HURRY UP WITH MY BOOK!)

  6. Olivia says:

    The glasses in the fish tank and the car in the ditch. Definitely time to crawl back under the covers. But you triumphed! Can’t wait to see the clip.

  7. Erin says:

    I haven’t commented before, but I should have. I apologize for being a ghost. Or whatever the term is these days for ” someone who reads the thing but never comments.”

    I’m not a parent (unless you count the 4- legged crap machines after which I feed and clean up and, in return, am graced with the occasional snuggle ( which, let’s face it, makes it all worth it!)). Still, I read your blog every day. When I discovered this gem, I read all the way back to page 1. I work with kids ( sorta) and have friends and family with kids, but it’s not the kidsperiences that make me laugh and keep coming back. I simply adore your straightforward, hilarious, and blunt-yet-sweet style. Childless though I may yet be, your blog is one of my favorites and a fail-proof way for me took find a laugh. CONGRATS on the book and thank you for sharing your experiences with the world!

    P.S. I know how to spell and properly use spaces. My phone’s typing thingy doesn’t like blog comment box thingies. Sorry for that, too.

    • Sarah B says:

      It’s called being a ‘lurker’. Which is a kinda creepy word for something that isn’t creepy.

      I’m a lurker on many, many blogs.

      And I love this one!

      • jennifer says:

        I feel somewhat relieved to be a
        “lurker”
        and not a
        “creeper”

        lol 🙂

        • Kate says:

          lol, I’m a “lurker” too, I don’t think I’ve ever commented on this blog, but have been reading for at least a year if not longer. LOVE IT!

      • Angie Kim says:

        HAhahaha…..I guess I’m a lurker too….on MANY blogs…first time I’ve ever commented…I love this blog….I bought the book and I read it over and over again. I want to see the hair too!!! =)

      • Kate M says:

        I too, am a “lurker” on this blog. I too, have no children of my own except the four footed and feathered kind, and I too read this blog at least every day and then share it with everyone I know because it cracks me up. Thanks Amber and your “crappy” family on your “crappy” blog for putting a smile on my face at least daily!

        And congratulations on your pup! Er…I mean book! 🙂

    • DMTabery says:

      I don’t have kids either (and rarely comment on blogs) and this is the only one I check daily (ok, sometimes more than once a day). Thanks for the laughs!

    • Bree says:

      I also lurk on here. I’m totally a lurker. Sometimes I actually start to write comments and then I reread what I wrote and delete it because I think it sounds stupid 🙂

  8. Mom in Two Cultures says:

    That last part sounds like every Skype interview I’ve ever had! Way to hang in there!!

  9. Mrs Bee says:

    I love the scary building. Priceless!
    I’ve also never commented before, but I read Crappy Pictures all the time. I’m sure you did great!

  10. So cool! Wow, I had no idea people get interviewed by a black box in a dark room, how weird!

  11. Alicia S. says:

    I started reading this thinking there was no way on earth I’d be able to relate to this adventure you’re about to talk about, and then I laughed harder than I ever have about your kids. I love you and you are awesome! I am buying your book today!

  12. Jennifer says:

    LMAO! THIS is the best. Your pre-interview panic is exactly the same as mine would have been. Great job, girl!

  13. This is great! (And your book arrived yesterday–I am so looking forward to reading it!)

  14. Trisha says:

    Ugh – sounds like the majority of my conference calls at work! Lots of people talking all at once, and then you hear your name attached to some question you didn’t understand in the first place.
    Got through a third of your book yesterday – had to put it down because laughing was making my cough so much worse! I’ll have to finish it after my cold has cleared up. 🙂

    • Genipher says:

      I had that problem too (with the coughing and laughing) but I pushed through. I couldn’t put the book down!

  15. Kim Q says:

    I really should stop reading this at work.

  16. Valerie says:

    I am sure you were amazing, and can’t wait to see the clip. Your book kept me content and happy on a flight with my boys last week. The man on the other side of me kept giving me a weird look during the “poop” chapter, though.

  17. 12tequilas says:

    I was on TV once: C-SPAN. They don’t do hair and makeup for this show. It was my responsibility. The green room did have one of those nifty mirrors with the lights all around it, in which I discovered I had too much lipstick on. However, somehow, it ended up that throughout the segment I have a lock of hair sticking straight up on the top of my head. I hope this makes you feel a little better! (I’m sure your appearance was awesome.)

  18. KpMcD says:

    Good lord! I never realized how those correspondent deals work. You don’t even get to see what you look like on the camera? How unfair! What if there was a booger hanging in your nose? (I’m sure there wasn’t a booger in your nose, what I’m saying is I would worry about that the whole time and so every clip of me would be me looking terrified and wiping my nose.)

  19. sarah says:

    I have that same fear of not finding the door….

  20. I would feel the same way. I never got stage fright when I was in my band, because I knew the songs. But if I had to go on live tv not knowing what I was going to be talking about… Terrifying!

  21. I think we should all be ending our conversations with “I’m sorry, what?”

    • Cher says:

      I agree!!!

      Congratulations, Amber! LOVE LOVE LOVE the scary face on the building. Personally, I am feeling that way about flying right now, so from now on all planes will have scary faces on them when I think about them.

      Way to recover from all those crazy events leading up to the interview! Ack!

      And… it is probably a good thing that you couldn’t see yourself on the interview screen- I have certain business meetings via skype/facetime/gotomeeting, and I find that when I see myself on the stupid little screen, I sometimes become preoccupied with my appearance/what they see (Is my hair really that gross,I did NOT leave home looking like that… OMG, I am not sitting up straight…Can they tell that’s a zit on my forehead… Do I look bored…?) and in a really nerve-wracking situation like NATIONAL TV I imagine you wouldn’t have been able to spend a second listening to what they are asking!! (Do you like the way I capitalized NATIONAL TV? Because it is that important and impressive, that’s why!)

      Congrats!!!

  22. krystal says:

    I dont usually comment. But congrats! I wouldnt have found your blog if I wasn’t pregnant. It was shared on babycenter. 🙂

    • Francesca says:

      Trust me, if you’re having a baby you would have eventually found this blog. It will keep you sane.

  23. Carol says:

    I didn’t know you wear glasses! If mine had gone in the fish tank (which they would have), I’d have had to fish them out because I’m practically blind without them.

    I totally felt for you the entire time–I know I would have had a similar experience. Good job hanging in there anyway!

  24. Haaaa! –> “I have this fear that they’ll say, “So Amber, what are your thoughts on the Cuban missile crisis?” And I’ll be all, “Who? What? Is that a restaurant? I love Cuban food.” Then I’ll spontaneously combust.”

    I have that exact same fear about dinner parties.

  25. Kari says:

    I would have been terrified! I can’t believe they don’t have a screen for you to see the people you are talking to and what they are showing on tv. That would be a bit helpful! When they talk to someone via satellite, it never seems to go very well. The awkward pauses in between, losing the connection, etc. You’d think they’d have this figured out by now.

  26. Karen says:

    I just found your blog and went to Barnes and Noble yesterday to buy your book. The clerk looked at me like I was insane when I described the title because I could not find the humor section for the life of me. I was also trying to chase my 2yo around the store… and I felt like we’d make excellent fodder for a crappy cartoon. Toddler goes up and down escalators a million times. Toddler terrorizes other children at train table while mom tries to ask clerk a question. Mom then asks if there’s a book for toddlers about NOT hitting other children (there is). Toddler is then nowhere to be found… oh, OK, on the escalator again. Toddler wants a new book. No, not the one about hitting! Silly mommy! The Elmo one that makes LOTS of noise! Ride the escalator. Where is the damn humor section so we can get the hell out of here with my prized Crappy Pictures book? Toddler wants a snack at Starbucks. Mom contemplates getting a coffee drink for herself but toddler is then running toward the escalator again. And so on and so forth.

    • Amanda says:

      Ahahaha! I’ve lost my toddler (now a big 9 year old) on an escalator! And the train table! Definitely feel your pain. Getting the book for myself and for my sister for her birthday! Congrats Amber, we LOVE you here in Canada!

    • LindaR says:

      The Train Table. Good lord The Train Table. I am so far in debt because of that thing … he ever liked trains much until The Train Table. I hate that thing.

      (but I have to admit it’s fun to watch him play)

  27. bill m says:

    @Erin: ” someone who reads the thing but never comments.” – lurker

    @Karen – had some success w/ “Hands are not for hitting” and other books in the series.

    I put the book on my birthday list but I have no idea if anybody bought it for me.

  28. Kate says:

    Love this! Hilarious. Just read your book cover-to-cover, btw. Wonderful stuff (not surprising, of course!). You rock. Very inspiring. Excited to see what the future holds for your enterprise! Keep up the hysterical work!

  29. Tina says:

    So funny! I didn’t see the show but I’ve seen it in the past and it is always crazy like that. The satellite thing just never works right with the weird pause and the person not hearing stuff. Good grief, if you handled that with grace other TV will be a snap!

  30. DandysGirl says:

    I love that I am “seeing” you everywhere. I was flipping through Ladies Home Journal (pretend that I italicized that) at the doctor’s and bam! There was an article from you about falling victim to the impulse to buy stuff to improve yourself and how it doesn’t actually work. Have you seen the edition yet? Did you notice the irony of your article followed immediately by “spring must haves” (more crap) and later, an article on decluttering your life and getting rid of crap you have and don’t need? I finished your book the day it arrived because I am a binge (r)eader, and have already passed it on before my bookplate arrived. I hope it finds its way back to me, but seeing you get all this great publicity makes me feel like an insider, hey, I *know* her! And before she got waaaaay famous. Sometimes I forget that you, Melissa McCarthy and I are not all friends in real life. Congrats!

    • amber says:

      Wait. Are you serious? Holy crap, that got printed? I had NO idea!!!!! Gotta run to the store today and find it!

      • DandysGirl says:

        Yep, I’m serious. I assume it is this month’s issue, it has Sela Ward on the cover.

      • Judy says:

        Yep – just got my May LHJ in the mail – and there is your article, in all its glory. And, yes, it’s followed by pages of useless, expensive things that will change your life, such as “You’d wear a dress like this everyday if you could. Love the bow!” – (caption under an orangy dress I would NEVER EVER wear) hahaha

  31. Amy says:

    Wow…how overwhelming and exciting at the same time! I would be scared out of my wits!! Congratulations on the success of your book! 🙂

  32. Brenda says:

    You survived AND got a hilarious story to share! Win/Win.

  33. Alison says:

    I had no idea about the black box room. I think I would be shaking so hard they wouldn’t be able to focus the camera. Good on you for surviving it. I can’t wait to see it!!

  34. Cheryll R says:

    That. Is. Awesome. I think that “I’m sorry, what?” is a perfect battle cry! For like, a British superhero. Or me, anytime I’m accidentally chewing and focusing on the crunch sounds inside my head instead of paying attention in a meeting or something.

    But, you win the book war. Adam Levine touched your book and smiled at it. You so win everything. :o)

  35. Marisa says:

    You mean you aren’t normally up at 5am!??!

  36. Melanie says:

    I absolutely LOVE how you so perfectly describe the normal anxiety that accompanies this kind of situation. I’m so excited for you! I’ve loved your blog since the early days and have been telling people how hilarious you are for.. I don’t know. A year and a half? However long it’s been. Because it’s true. This is the only blog I follow regularly.

  37. Jeanna says:

    Amber, I look forward to your stories daily. You make me laugh all the time. I am so happy for you publishing your book and being on TV! Cool! I cannot wait to see the interview. Please post it. I think what I really enjoy about you it that you are so genuine, grounded and honest about parenting. I am not the only one who thinks like me….thanks for keeping things funny and light when I need it. Coming to the Mall of America anytime soon? I would love to meet you in person.

  38. Samii says:

    Too funny. And with today’s technology, you should be able to see each other during an interview. Haven’t we had video conferencing for years? Apple? Hello? Glad you made it there and thru the interview in one piece. Can’t wait to see it.

  39. Rasa says:

    Hahahaha omg hilarious!!! I’m sure it was great! I’m sorry what?

  40. Lynn M says:

    Seriously, you looked great!
    IMHO, it came across as a technical difficulty.
    They LOVED your book and were laughing.
    But I was sad they couldn’t spend more time with you.
    Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone when it comes to Murphy’s law.
    (BTW – I not a Mom. But I am a 40 something, used to be Social Worker, now a Nanny for over 3 years. There have been many days that you have validated what is happening in my world. Thanks!)

  41. Woolies says:

    OMG DYING. Laughing that is. If it were me on live satellite tv, I would have literally died.
    Reminds me – vaguely – of the day after the flood last summer and I just wandered outside with my dogs. There are people in my driveway. Walking towards me. With a big camera. They want to interview me for the news about the flood. I have no makeup on. I am wearing the usual rags I wear around the house – and NO BRA. I say, can you give me a second? And run inside to put on a BRA. Yes, they broadcast that interview and it went on and on and on. I rambled wildly. I made no sense. It ran at 4pm, 5pm and 10pm. Hopefully it will never reappear.
    Cannot wait to see your clip!!!

  42. Woolies says:

    I’m sorry, what?

  43. Amanda says:

    I was so disappointed that they didn’t ask you more questions. I wanted to laugh at things you said in real life, because I’m pretty sure I’d pee my pants if I talked to you. I DVR’d it so I could watch it at lunch and they didn’t seem to care that you were there. They talked about your book a lot, which was really good, but I felt like the lady just wanted to hear herself talk. I was bummed, but hopefully it was some good publicity for you. Either way, you were still on TV, which totally makes you a celebrity. Plus, your book is a bestseller, which makes you a double celebrity 🙂

    • Lisa says:

      Yes, I saw it too because Amber tweeted it that she’d be on. I was so disappointed that they didn’t let her talk! The other blogger cut out when she was talking too so the whole thing was a technical mess.

      Amber, you’d be amazing on Ellen. You should go on that, make that happen!

  44. Jillian says:

    LOL, this is the funniest story ever. I was nervous just reading it and yet laughing!!!

  45. julie says:

    you are frickin’ hysterical! Congrats on being on tv! I have the exact same issues when trying to do something “important”, because nothing exciting ever happens to me… so if I have a meeting at work and do my hair and stress out (because important people will be there!) afterward I usually feel like “do you people realize all the effort I put into this day!?”. For vacation getting to the carpark and through the airport the first time by myself was a major accomplishment for me, and i felt just like you here!

  46. Sara W. says:

    Good god, woman, I’d never survive an experience like that. LOL so funny reading your story though.

  47. Mandy says:

    I have tears streaming down my face, this is so freaking funny! You poor thing, I’d have been the same exact way, wait no, I never would have agreed to it in the first place! LOL

  48. Fran says:

    LMAO at this –

    “I’m supposed to look at it and talk into it. And somehow act like this is a normal thing to do.”

    So funny! I could NEVER do that.

  49. Brianne says:

    lol Love your blog! Thanks for always giving me a good laugh (:

  50. Teri says:

    I’m so glad that you didn’t spontaneously combust!!! Can’t wait to see the clip when you post it!

  51. “I am a non-functioning human.” YES. Best line ever and I can TOTALLY relate!!!

  52. Courtney says:

    You’re so fucking cool!! My mind is blown at your ability to be ON TV!

  53. Susan Schissel-Weerakkody says:

    You are so awesome…so honest…you save me many a days when I’m home with my 4 crappies.

    Go girl!!

  54. cwm says:

    Ooo, you’re so adorable relate-able, Amber!

  55. Kamron says:

    Lol, too funny. Must order your book:)

  56. Sara Gibson says:

    BAhahahahaha! LOVE your new catchphrase!

    I would have been a nervous wreck as well. =)

  57. tara says:

    Lol I would’ve had to throw up from nerves. At least you didn’t do that on camera!!

    That is so awesome you were on TV though!

  58. rtleeb says:

    LOL! I so feel your pain. I was on the CBS Nightly News about 5 years ago and it was an experience I will never forget. Happily, my interview was taped, not live.

    I had the same experience sitting in a tiny, dark room. But I had a huge camera and blinding stage light about 3 inches from my face and I had to talk to my media person who was holding a telephone on her lap from whence the interviewers (2 of them) were asking questions in no particular or logical order via speaker phone.

    I had to look at my media person when I responded like she was the one asking the questions but the voices were coming from her lap so I kept looking down at her crotch and talking to it.

    I couldn’t tell you what I said during the interview and all I remember from watching it was that I make a funny face when I talk.

    Awesome. Love the media.

  59. sarah s says:

    I’m sure you did great! I completely understand the nervousness and wanting to back out. I’d feel the same way. I’d be like what if I can’t find out where to go? What if I fart? What if there’s a booger hanging out of my nose or I start talking weird or stuttering? What if they really invited me to discuss how some activist group thinks I’m terrible? The hard parts over. Congratulations on the book and the success.

  60. janelle says:

    I was having a crappy day….then I read this and began to laugh. Now my day is less crappy. Thanks

  61. KC says:

    I guess this really means we’ll see no more from your other blog about appliquéd skirts and your awesome kitchen floor. I am so happy for you though!

    I’ve been reading your book at night and having to belly laugh silently because my two girls are asleep in the bed next to me. It’s like an awesome secret! 🙂

  62. The start to your day-all of it could totally happen to me. Being on TV, probably not. So glad your book is a hit! 😀

  63. Dora says:

    Phew! I am not alone – finding the door, where to park the car, is there a visitors parking, which side of the street the building is located, and so on and on!!!

  64. Joule-E says:

    Hilarious! Congratulations on not wetting your pants. I totally would have wet my pants. I’ve been a fan for a couple of years now and I am so jazzed that you are getting recognition from a wider audience now! Way to go fellow Crappy Mama!

  65. Lauren says:

    ah! my stomach’s in knots just reading about you being nervous! I think I would just pass out. Just fall over. Maybe wide awake and completely on purpose, just to go home.

    So kudos to you for not passing out!! (on top of getting up, getting dressed, and get yourself all the way there without bailing at 5 in the still-practically-nighttime! woot!)

  66. Kelly says:

    Did you ever get your glasses out of the fish tank?
    Kudos to you for doing so awesome btw 🙂

  67. Nora N says:

    I finally bought the book! And i bought the sleeping guide too <3<3 can't wait to read both!

  68. oh my oh my! i can’t wait to see the footage. 😉 esp to see your hair.

  69. Dee says:

    I got your book yesterday and will have to share it with everyone I know. Congratulations on making it through your tv interview

  70. Tammy says:

    That sort of feels like my brain — lots of different voices talking at the same time and me saying, “I’m sorry, what?”

  71. Congrats on your book and surviving your first TV appearance! I had a similar experience recently, though the interview was streaming online and not on TV – a HuffPost Live producer found my blog and now apparently I’m a pundit. It’s stupid but the thing I was most nervous about was not the untold thousands of strangers watching me, but all the friends and family and readers and colleagues and editors whom I knew were watching.I was super nervous the first time, but I am going on again tomorrow and I’m much less anxious, so hopefully things will get easier for you too! I’m sure you will have many more media appearances – your work deserves the publicity!

  72. Andrea says:

    Ha ha ha Amazing! I had a similar experience recently. Except I haven’t written a book. And it really wasn’t an interview, more like a panel discussion for the local newspaper. And I blathered on about Ryan Gosling. OK I didn’t really have a similar experience.

    Congrats that is wonderful!!

  73. marissa says:

    Maybe your fans need to bombard Ellen’s FB.. ….just a thought

  74. Casey says:

    uhm my heart is racing and it made me nervous just READING about your experience. go mama!

  75. Yeah Amber!!! Congratulations. I too would have been just about pooping myself. Can’t wait to see the clip and can’t wait to see your lots of hair. Loving your blog, you are the funniest writer I have come across in a long time. I try to read every post slowly to make it even more enjoyable!

  76. brandi says:

    i loved this post, it made me laugh out loud several times. but that’s no different from any other post i read.

  77. Pekky says:

    Go Amber! Go!
    You’re just amazing 🙂

    Hey you have a fan from Bangkok Thailand Amber, keepup the great work!

  78. Bridgit says:

    I’m a lurker too….and haven’t bought the book YET. Love you and your blog and have referred you to tons of friends. Way to go Amber! Can’t wait to see the clip. 🙂

  79. Chris Carter says:

    Oh Amber!!! That is so hilarious! I would have been TERRIFIED too!! This is just such an amazingly exciting time for you! You are a ROCKSTAR!!!

  80. Kirk Hargreaves says:

    Got your book yesterday (or maybe the day before). Anyway, after experiences a 3:00 am tantrum and unable to get back to sleep for two hours, I read through most of it. A little humor, especially when it’s topical, go a long way at 5:00 am.

  81. Pamela Susan says:

    OMIGOSHHHH!! I’m beyond thrilled for you!! And so very happy for all your success! 🙂

  82. KB says:

    Hello.
    I really like your blog. It is fun to read, and I love the illustrations that you do to go along with it. It is a fun way to express your way of writing. I also like the drawing because i am a very visual person, and he fact that you have done pictures to go with it, just gives me a better way to picture what you are talking about.
    thanks 🙂

  83. M says:

    Gonna go all hipster on you for a minute… I’m having a blast watching your blog and now your book take off the way it has. Knowing I’ve been following you from the near beginning and seeing you get more and more fans is just awesome. I feel like I’m watching a very close friend, whom I’ve never actually met, accomplish great things and it warms my heart. Go you!

  84. Kate says:

    Loving your book by the way!! It’s awesome and hilarious.
    Congrats on your tv appearance, can’t wait to see a clip. 🙂

  85. Courtney says:

    Amber, I just finished catching up on all 132 pages of your blog…in less than a week. It has given me glorious breaks during work and sweet unwinding time after. I just got married last year and don’t have children yet, and to be honest, they scare me a little. But your stories and outlook and sense of humor about it all are so refreshing. Parenthood now seems a little less scary.

    Now, however will I wait for the next post to come out?? Oh, I can buy your book. 😉

    By the way, I work in television (for the entertainment side of CNN’s company, actually), and you’re right, everything about being on TV is incredibly unnatural; and I cannot imagine the first experience being one that’s nationally televised. I’m SURE you did a great job–better than you think you did–and we can’t wait to see the clip!

  86. LeahM says:

    But at least you looked absolutely fabulous!

  87. mary says:

    Description is wonderful! Felt like I was with you every minute.

  88. Jen says:

    Love your blog, I am excited to read the book as well! My fave was the cloth diaper post 🙂

  89. Amy says:

    I laughed out loud and scared my daughter when you asked Crappy Papa if you could switch bodies via the triangle button… And now I have the sudden urge to play Lego Star Wars. hahaha

  90. Em says:

    Thanks for making this parenting thing just that much more lighthearted. It reminds me that we are all in this together, LOL. I love your take on things!

  91. Judy says:

    Just in case you missed it: Ladies Home Journal, MAY 2013, pages 24 – 26, “I just know this slow cooker will change my life.” by Amber Dusick… another pool of fans – way to go! (Plus, Huffington Post re-ran the ‘things I wish I could say to my kids’ post today, too. Ya – guess you’re officially famous, now.

  92. Misty Beagan says:

    I love the catch phrase!!!

  93. Laura says:

    I found myself practically having an anxiety attack just reading this. Good job getting through it!
    And my favorite part of your book is how sleep goes for you and your husband before/after kids. I think there’s some gene in women that is triggered to sleep on pins and needles and men are just oblivious.

  94. Sarah says:

    Every day I drag myself out of bed at 6am to use our treadmill. I hate using treadmills, but I feel guilty if I don’t use it. I feel guilty not because of how much it cost, but because it takes up so much space. Space = guilt? Anyway, I fall out of bed, stumble to the treadmill, stick my shoes on, hop on the old ‘mill and then I log on to your website while speed walking uphill. It is always a more enjoyable workout when there is a new, hilarious, extremely enjoyable post up. It sets my day off right and makes up for the work out that I hate each minute of. 🙂
    Thank you!

  95. Kristin Shaw says:

    Amber, you have had me laughing since the story about the pizza guy and your kids yelling “penis!” from upstairs. And probably before that. But this was hilarious! So much Murphy’s Law here.
    “I’m sorry… what?” I wish for you much success!

  96. Bryany says:

    Am sure it went better than you though it went xx

  97. Susan says:

    Thanks for sharing this story! I bet you looked and sounded fantastic! Please don’t forget to share the link when it is up.

  98. Ingrid Johanns says:

    Tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. You’re adorable!!

  99. Trisha W. says:

    Well, that explains a lot. I had no idea the satellite person didn’t get a video monitor to know when s/he was actually on. Scary! I’m sure you did better than you thought. Thanks for sharing your story! I loved reading it.

  100. Robin says:

    I tried to find your book at Walmart but I’m in Canada so maybe it’s not here yet? So I ordered it today from ‘the book depository’ which I love. I can’t wait to get it! I’m not much of a regular blog reader. In fact you are one of 2 that I read on any kind of regular basis lol. I have 3 kids so pretty much everything your write is my life and I love it! great job on the book sales, you deserve it 🙂

  101. Tara Erskine says:

    Weird!! That would be really hard to do not knowing if the camera is on you or what they are looking at! Much better to be able to walk out on stage and shake someones hand! I bet it’s great! I can’t wait to see the clip!!

  102. neo says:

    Goodness! I’m sure you were much better then you thought. I can’t wait to see the clip. Nice insight into how it works with the television interviews and stuff.

  103. Catherine says:

    Perfect catch phrase.

  104. Pingback: Where I've Been - Crappy Pictures

  105. Anne_Hedonia says:

    1. Somehow, you managed to find the ONE practical application I can think of for Google Glass. You could have worn it, and seen.. a little picture of what they were doing.. oh. right. You would have been on national TV wearing GOOGLE GLASS. Scratch that.
    2. I was interviewed for radio once. Disclosure: I was the voice of ‘Lucy’ in a Peanuts special and lots of commercials as a kid. My dad is/was a semi-sorta-famous-ish actor person. I spent the week prior to the broadcast lecturing my husband (who was going to be interviewed with me) on how to speak properly for radio or TV. Oh, how I pontificated.
    Then the moment came, and my brain was suddenly nuked. I froze. The host welcomed my husband, and he did a FLAWLESS job – casual, friendly, warm!
    My turn: “And, welcome Sarah!” – Crickets. Screendoor banged in the wind. “Um.. Sarah?” Husband is flailing his arms at the speakerphone – SAY SOMETHING!!
    And that is when, projecting to the cheap seats, I bellowed:
    YES!! RIGHT!! THANKS!! YES!! WELCOME!!!

    Fast foward 10 years. We’re divorced, but good friends. Whenever I go to ex-husand’s house, he opens the door and screams YES!! RIGHT!! THANKS!! YES!! WELCOME!!!.