My kids love smoothies. I hate making smoothies.
Why?
Because my blender is a lazy jerk.
Just one orange and he starts complaining.
I have to constantly shake him awake and poke spoons down inside of him to get him to blend stuff.
Except there isn’t anything wrong with him. He is a typical blender.
In fact, last Mother’s Day, Crappy Papa actually gave me a brand new blender thinking it would be better than our loser of a blender. I thought it was love at first sight.
But I was betrayed.
It was just as useless as our current one. So we returned it the next morning. Sigh, a one-night-stand.
Everyone knows that if you want a marriage quality blender you have to invest in one of those blenders. You know the ones I mean.
Vitamix®. Everyone I know wants one. They are like luxury cars for your kitchen. “Oooooh, did you hear? So and so got a Vitamix®!”
I mentioned wanting one in my article in Ladies’ Home Journal. (It was in the May issue on page 24 but the text is online now too.)
And the Vitamix® blender people saw it and asked if they could send me one.
Send me one! For free! Can you believe that? No strings attached, they weren’t asking for a review or anything. They just wanted to send me one because I had mentioned them.
(Wow, that feels powerful. I don’t think mentioning products and then getting them for free works on this blog but just in case I really would like a hot tub. And a week-long stay in a luxury resort on a tropical island that has drinks with little umbrellas in them. There has to be umbrella drinks or the deal is off. But I’d settle for a hot tub. I’ll even provide my own umbrella drinks for that.)
So my new blender arrived.
Can a blender be sexy? This thing is sexy.
(Plus, the damper looks like a butt plug.)
And hardworking!
I filled it to the brim with everything I had. Carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers, celery, spinach and beets. It worked. I was terribly skeptical and I tried to kill it but it stayed strong.
I have a new blender!
Can’t tell you how good it felt to put my old blender in a box and take it to the donation place. I dumped him. Jerk. Go “not blend” on someone else’s counter.
So here is the thing. The blender came in a big box. Except…
TWO boxes showed up. Two identical blenders. At my house. And they are worth $600 each.
I knew right away that they made a mistake. I mean, I’m awesome and everything but I’m not at two-blenders-level-of-awesome.
While I could have run off to eBay and sold their mistake all I really wanted to do was share my good fortune.
With you guys.
I’m giving away the extra Professional Series 300 in onyx. A $600 value. Enter via the Rafflecopter options in the box below.
Giveaway runs now through May 24th, 2013. US addresses* only. Winner will be selected at random via rafflecopter and then posted here after giveaway ends.
Giveaway has ended. Congrats to Lily!
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*US only because this is a giant, heavy box and I’m paying for the shipping out of my own pocket and if I had to ship it to another country I wouldn’t be able to afford to buy fruits and vegetables and then how would I make a smoothie?
Yes, it truly was a mistake that I was sent two of them. I asked Vitamix® if I could give away the extra one instead of shipping it back to them and they said sure. This is not a sponsored post. This was my idea. I received no compensation for this post. So hopefully nobody corporate will be upset over the butt plug thing. And hopefully you guys won’t get all butt hurt because you think I’ve sold out or whatever. Either way, tough. Come on, I’m giving something rad away. If you don’t like it, don’t enter. (Ha! That’s what I thought.)
I am a first item poster, but love your blog, it never fails to make me laugh!
You are awesome! Thanks for sharing!
Yes thank you for sharing. Love your blog and book!
Being a new parent, I’ve appreciated your blog so much! Especially the post about cloth diapers… How the hell do they poo every time you change them? Love your blog! Cheers!
Thanks for sharing your good fortune!
Me too! I got hooked awhile back and spent the day reading through the archives and laughing so hard!
I can’t wait for you to come to DC this week!!!
So sweet to donate the second blender!
I agree! Love this blog and love her!
WANT A VITAMIX. So I can blend and stuff.
Oh I’d blend everything! But I especially love a green drink: green apple, cuke, lemon, lime, handful of spinach and slice of ginger. Yum!
Agreed! Wahoo!!!!
A smoothie my dad and husband will actually drink: banana, apple, and spinach. But I love Carrie’s idea– sounds really good! Too bad I hate our current blender as well….
Love your blog!
So true! What a generous thing to do!! Thank you so much!
I gave up on finding the bottom of the comment section.
I’d mix soaked almonds, coconut water, spinach, pineapple, banana, and maybe some mango. Yum!
Go beyond smoothies – gazpacho and soup!
Yup making smoothies is on the list, but so is some salsa and soups!
Guacamole! Along with umbrella drinks … We can have a fiesta!
Yum, I hadn’t thought of making salsa.
And cucumber green gaspacho!
I would blend a carrot, spinach, raspberry and banana smoothie. I know exactly what you mean! Every blender that I have ever tried has mocked me each time I try to put more than one ice cube in it.
Salsa, enchilada sauce, split pea soup (if you don’t have an immersion blender)…..the non smoothie list goes on and on
I agree. How cool is that. Clever and generous. How lucky can you get?
Want one. I’ve heard they are awesome for smoothies and soup. What else needs to be blended?
I’d make strawberry banana smoothies yum! This mommy needs a blender for her new home!
Forget fruit and veggie smoothies, this mama wants some Vitamix margaritas!!!! My BFF has a Vitamix–best. margarita.ever.
Word.
Couldn’t agree more Kate!
My sister-in-law swears by pomegranate juice spinach leaves in a beautifully green concoction that somehow tastes fruity. And leaves you regular!
Fruit and veggie smoothies for the kids, margaritas for mommy after they’re in bed. And no, I will not share with my husband! I deal with the six month old and the 11 year old all day. I deserve it the whole pitcher!
Oh yeah, that’s totally my plan, forget the kids’ food, this is for momma!
This!!!
Strawberry banana smoothies are awesome but I think I like the margarita idea better.
Me too! Strawberry banana is my fav!
agreed – strawberry banana smoothies are delish
Try strawberry, banana and peanut butter!!
My toddler and I make smoothies every Saturday morning to take along on our farmers market trip – a blend of whatever is in the fridge/freezer…usually yogurt, banana, orange juice, spinach, berries, chia seeds, carrots. I laughed at this post as I too have broken up with my blender only to discover the new one is not any better! Bring on the Vitamix!
I actually had a Vitamix once..never got to use it though. I wanted to make was smoothies in all kinds of fruit combinations…and leftover fruits and fruit salads make wonderful popcicles. But..my other half was cleaning out some clutter and “donated” it to the Salvation Army thinking it was just our old blender……still makes me stew a little….
Oh my gosh, that makes me upset for you!
That is terrible! And that is one lucky find for whoever found it at that salvation army
I think I want to cry a little bit for you!
Ohhh!! I’d be soo mad!! then I’d cry…. a lot…
Can’t believe you didn’t even get to use it! This must come up every time you have a fight. This really tests the forgiveness is golden thing…just saying…
This would be grounds for divorce in my house…just kidding…well mostly….
This makes me physically pained. I’m so sorry I didn’t live by you and frequently visit the local donation places. Like for real. Oh and your pain too.
That is marriage counseling worthy, ha!!
Been reading your posts for a long time now! Can’t wait to get your book!
I’d blend a smoothie. Handful of frozen strawberries, block of tofu, a cup of apple juice and a tablespoon of honey. This makes a great smoothie!
Try this out! Via 30 days love your greens challenge.
Blueberry Chia Power Smoothie
3/4 C almond milk, water, or coconut water
1-2 handfuls of greens
1 C fresh or frozen blueberries
2 Tbsp chia seed gel (1 Tbsp chia seeds stirred into 1/4 C water)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
Tip: To make chia gel just stir chia seeds into water and let it sit. It will become this funky gel stuff that looks like frog eyes. Don’t worry you are blending it up:). This my friends is LOADED with nutrients. If you thought chia seeds were healthy before, this just took it up a notch. Soaking them makes them a live food. Just like planting a seed and watering it, it becomes live and ready to grow. This is also extremely filling. You can even just take a couple of tablespoons of this to help you feel satiated. But make sure you drink a lot of water when eating chia.
I really wanted to like chia seeds, but found out the hard way, I’m allergic. Duh! I’m allergic to grass-yes, I’m allergic to the outdoors, it’s ridiculous. So ingesting grass seeds resulted in a systemic rash. I do, however, enjoy the smoothies over at “green thickies”. She adds oats or grains to her recipes to make them more filling and they r yum!
My blender is decent, but if a vitamin would let me add uncooked oats, raw carrots, or even almonds, I would be thrilled.
I agree. Your posts make crappy days better. I laughed out loud so many times while reading your book. Thanks!
Me too! I’m pretty excited about making my own nut butters and flours. I’ve been pining after a vitamix for a while now
My blender is a lazy @sshole too. I looove making healthy smoothies for breakfast for my one year old and myself but haven’t been lately because it’s such junk. Somehow takes less time to cook up some gourmet meal instead of using the stupid blender….ok not gourmet but close.
I had to throw away my pos blender. It broke after I put some ice in it to blend up a special happy mommy drink! If love a wonderfully magical blender!!! I miss my blueberry, banana, and spinach smoothies!
If you can’t afford a vitamix, give the ninja a try. We had ours for 2 years and it blasts through ice like crazy and turns ice into perfect snow for snow cones. You wouldn’t believe the stuff we put this blender through. Costs much less too.
I would so make some kick ass marguerites with that sexy beast!
Hello! Screw coconut water and ground flax! Time for a fiesta!
I have always wanted a vitamix blender! You are so lucky!!
Me too! I used my moms vitamix to make cappuccino.
I lovvvvve this blog! And you are so sweet to give away the Vitamix!
Me too! What I’d blend? Baby food, duh!
I recently became a fan Already shared some posts. I’d make strawberry banana smoothies, but I’m worried about what things my boys might try to blend. Is that where you got the idea for the gross question?
Haha reminds me of “will it blend” on YouTube. Definately don’t let your boys see any of those.
Blend oatmeal to make awesome pancakes!
Love your blog too! Thanks for doing this!
I couldn’t figure out how to leave a comment (losing my mind maybe?) so I am replying to one. I would like to use a Vitamix to drink my veggies because I have a hard time eating them the normal way. I heard this one is best with leafy veggies.
I’m with you (thanks for letting me reply to your comment)! I enjoy frozen blueberries and strawberries (no need to add ice), handful of fresh (NOT frozen!! Blechh!) spinach, Greek yogurt, and a cranberry-ish juice (yes, those new tropicana farm stand juices are Delish!). Good luck trying all of these new recipes!
I couldn’t figure it out either, and I’m too lazy to scroll to the end of 3,000+ comments! I have hated all my blenders. One time (pre-kids) I decided to make a blended soup with the last of my 1st batch of homemade chicken stock (the other “liquid gold”). While blending hot soup, the stupid plastic measuring cup-lid thingy falls through and gets pulverized, shooting burning hot soup up through the hole, all over me, the kitchen cabinets, and even the ceiling. Dumb. Even dumber: hubby and I still tried to eat the soup, picking out tiny shards of plastic from each bite! It didn’t take us long to realize it was a) not enjoyable, and b) dangerous. I would love to win this free vitamix. Not only would it save my kids from my dumb (but hopefully not as dangerous) blending mishaps, but I could sneak all kinds of things into a smoothie they would drink…even cockroaches AND worms, ha ha. Just add a banana, a mango, some coconut water, and a handful of baby spinach…good to go! (My current failure of a blender makes smoothies that require chewing. I can’t sneak anything in with that!)
Same here! The book is great, too, but the blog got me hooked! Amber, when we make smoothies with our lazy blender, we use frozen fruits and almond milk or coconut water. Simple but great!
Me too! With a real blender I would make smoothies for my kids like a true wild woman! (instead of the wanna be that I am with my inferior blender) So sad. I have so much potential!!
I didn’t think I could love this blog any more–I was wrong! I want to make smoothies, soup, ice cream, nut butter….so much!!
Yay! Vitamix!
Thank you for brightening my day so often.
I would blend all sorts of crazy concoctions and feed them to my children
Love your blog. If I were you I’dget sneaky and blend in all sorts of veggies in to your unsuspecting kids fruit smoothies.
I can’t scroll all the way down to comment….sorry…thanks for sharing your awesome Vitamix-extra-blender with your readers!
Here are some tips, followed by a great base recipe:
I freeze plain Greek yogurt in little ice cube sized blobs…line a cookie sheet with foil, scoop out blobs, freeze, and then once frozen keep in a ziplock bag.
I freeze avocados the same way…just blend together avocado, 1t. Lemon or lime juice per avocado, and enough water to make it smooth, yet still thick. (Citrus keeps it nice and green)
Base recipe:
2 blobs frozen Greek yogurt
2 blobs frozen avocados
About 1/2 cup frozen fruit (cherries, blueberries, or mango are my faves)
2 scoops veggie powder (I use It Works brand called GREENS)
1 T. Chia seeds
1/2 to 1 cup water or juice.
Sometimes I add Stevia to sweeten a bit.
I like my smoothies super thick and cold, so that’s why I like all the frozen stuff in there. Sometimes it is too thick to blend, and I have to add a bit more water…
VitaMix’s really are sexy beasts!
Me too! I’m only 19, so no kids, but I read all the post and then send them to my mom. It only seemed fitting to buy her the book for Mother’s Day!
My fave is a green smoothie! I love hiding a powerful punchy veg like spinach and not have anyone the wiser- strawberries, a ripe banana, and fresh spinach with some pineapple or apple juice is a super combo. Baby carrots too!
Frozen organic blueberries are $12 for 3 lbs at Costco! A steal compared to regular grocery store prices… Add to a couple cups of 30 calorie vanilla almond milk, frozen strawberries pinch of sugar…maybe a banana? Scoop of whey powder for me. Not the twins… Enjoy!!!! Pick me!!!
I hear you can blend an entire watermelon rind and all!
My blender is an @sshole, too.
my blender is depressed — it can hardly make margaritas or frozen drinks anymore
Mine too and I have to make smoothies every morning for breakfast. I could so use a really good blender
I want to resume my morning smoothies but my blender won’t let me!
My blender doesn’t exist anymore! Mine died and went to blender heaven lmao!
My blender has also joined the many others in blender heaven. If I had a vitamix I would blend food to feed my amazing daughter who is gtube dependant.
Mine died and went to blender hell. Cause it was an @sshole. Only good blenders go to blender heaven.
mine too. in fact I have relegated him to the cupboard above the stove. unless I’m making spaghetti sauce. and then he’s a little better at smoothness than the immersion blender. but then cooked spaghetti sauce is almost blended just from being cooked.
I love your blog. I own your book. and the fact that you just compared a part of your blender to a butt plug is the most hilarious thing I have ever heard. Love you.
DITTO.
My mum’s name is Berit – don’t run across that name very often, so I had to comment on it! Really, for all I know, you could be my mum, except I don’t think she’d openly discuss butt plugs.
I would blend up soup. Did you know you can make soup and the blender heats it up? Mind blown. I saw a demo at Costco and have been drooling over them ever since. Please let me win this!
Yes! I had this same experience and this is what I would make– so neat!
During the demo I was trying to play it cool (to the tune of $600!) but my KIDS were entranced and have been begging to go back and buy one. And then I mentioned to my mom, “How funny are the kids, begging for a Vitamix?” and she confessed… “I want one too!” So if I win, we’ll share.
That’s what I would do, too. My little guy loves pumpkin soup!
I would make green smoothies as an attempt to be healthier.
Ooh, I’d blend up some fancy milkshakes. What is it with sucky blenders? Our last two have sucked, and one of them was a Breville.
Ohh, I would love a vitamix. I’d blend up an apricot banana smoothie or I’d try to replicate Tropicana Farmstand’s strawberry banana fruit and veggie juice. I could seriously be addicted to that stuff.
I would make cheese fondue, my neighbor has one and it blends it and melts it.
Seriously the most amazing idea I’ve ever heard. Now I need to win this!!!
yum!
Oh I must do this!
I’d blend up spinach and apples and carrots since my son doesn’t eat veggies. He’s 2.5, so if I call it juice he’ll drink it! My blender is a jerk too and won’t do this now.
I add any kind of fruit I have in the house and always add spinach. Kids can’t tell. Thinking about avocado too. But don’t add kale. It destroys smoothies.
I’ve never even heard of this vitamix thing and now I want one. Thanks a lot! I’ll be doomed to want one forever if I don’t win it.
No selling out complaints from me, I’d give my left arm for a vitamix, thanks for doing this giveaway! I’d make tomato juice with all the tomatoes from our garden.
My blender sucks too!
I would definitely use the vitamix to make soup. I could throw in all those veggies that I buy with the best intentions but never use up, like kale and butternut squash and zucchini and eggplant. Yum.
The base of my blender chewed the bottom of the glass container – I think my blender had some sort of death wish and/or perhaps was just stupid. I would of course make very healthy smoothies with a new blender. Or maybe daquaris.
I love your blog! I have a newborn and a 2.5 year old and your blog has given me an idea of what to expect in a real and hilarious sense.
Thanks for doing what you do!
PS I totally believe good kitchen equiptment can be sexy, especiallyif it comes with its own butt plug.
I have yet to buy a blender. It is on my kitchen wish list. I think blenders in my price range would probably end up being the a-hole variety.
Too bad our vacuum cleaner is deciding to die, so it has to get replaced first.
We bought our first blender from an infomercial, never a good idea, but we are too cheap to buy a new one. I will blend healthy concoctions for my family, and for me, I will blend cupcakes, chocolate chip cookies, and frosting.
I would love to make smoothies for the kids! Our blender kicked the bucket, so winning one would be pretty amazing.
We love to mix greek yogurt, fresh fruit and spinach in our smoothies….and top it off with homemade whipped cream (the rest is healthy, right?)
Um, heck yes I need this! My entire family loves smoothies but I never make them because of how ridiculously long it takes with our stupid blender! Please, please, please let me win!
I would use it to make nut milks and smoothies.
Awesome blender!!! Smoothies!
You lucky chick!!!! I would die if I won!
I’d blend up some fruits and veggies- the things I can’t put through my juicer!
I’d definitely make smoothies. But I’ve also heard the vitamix is great at mixing up soups (is it true it will even heat it up if you leave it in long enough?) and sauces. I’m expecting gajillions of tomatoes later in the summer and would use it for tomato paste, sauce, salsa…
I would just go crazy and try everything I could out.
OMG … I’ve wanted a Vitamix forevah … ::: swoons ::: You’re a lucky duck. Hopefully, *I* will be a lucky duck too (If only Rafflecopter could be bribed…).
Thanks!
I love making smoothies for my kids by my blender is the saddest thing on the planet. When I blend things, it comes out the bottom of the blender because the seal is busted.
My boys LOVE smoothies too…. I want a marriage blender too.
Well, I’ve been wanting something to pulverize avocado pits and this will do it! Thanks for the chance!
I’d make soups with it! I love the heating feature!
My blender decided to try and catch fire and kill us all. I stopped him at the billows of smoke coming from the engine stage though. No blender’s killing my family!
I will blend and blend everything.
I would love a Vitamix to blend up babyfood for my first born coming in October! I read your blog regularly so that I know what I am getting myself into with this offspring! Love it!
I would blend up nuts to make nut flours or nut butters
I won’t lie. I’d probably blend what I always blend: Frozen bananas, peanut butter, chocolate almond milk. But I would blend it SO FAST AND SO FINE, without shaking the damn blender.
Cool! I’m dying to see what all the fuss is about. Our blender sucks too.
My blender is horrid… would love this to make berry smoothies and milkshakes (for the kids of course… ha)
My kids love smoothies, and milkshakes
Oh my goodness, I am so in love with the Vitamix. My mom had one when I was growing up and it was amazing. Every time they have them at Costco, I stand nearby and salivate. Hope you continue to enjoy it!
I would make soups, salsas, sorbets, smoothies… anything else that starts with ‘s’ too!!!
I would love to win this.
I would blend whole coffee beans into my smoothies in the hopes of keeping up with my toddlers.
I’d love to make pancakes it in – grind the wheat berries, add the rest of the ingredients, whirr and pour out the batter. I love your blog!
You’re the best! Sadly I can’t enter as I’m in Europe and wouldn’t have anyway, even if you hadn’t posted the disclaimer. I feel bad because I had my mother’s hardcore juicer (not hardcore enough to come with butt plug, but hey) and I stopped using it for years, then my bro and his gf went on a health kick and I gave it to them, and the minute it was gone I WANTED TO JUICE VEG! but it’s too late… poo!
My daughter loves smoothies too!!! I would love one of these to make them with.
My blender sucks too but it’s not worth buying a new one until we get back from Germany. I love making green smoothies or coconut milkshakes in ours when it does want to work
My blender is just like your old one; I have to keep pouring liquids into my smoothies and turning them into fruit water to get it to finish blending. I need something better to blend up my yogurt, berries, & kale!
Yay! Blender-iffic!
Love it! I’d blend up blueberries, kale, almond/coconut milk, hemp protein, flaxseed, chia, strawberries and ice.
I love your blog! I have a 1.5 year old boy and your posts are letting me know what to look forward to!
Other than margaritas??? Okay, Kale, apples, carrots lemons. Yum.
If I won the this, I would cry.
I would make all of the perfect guacamole!
I LOVE your blog and I got your book for my birthday! Yay! And I”m not just saying this because I want a Vita Mix. But I do. Want one. And I love your blog.
Costco was sampling an amazing avocado mint chocolate chip ice cream…totally would be making that!
Hilarious! I’d dive into homemade baby food with one of these and my fit fanatic hubby would love it too! Thank you
Oh … and I got so excited, I forgot to answer you question. I’d do smoothies (of course!), but I’d also puree veggies to hide in my spaghetti sauce (so my husband and kidlet would eat squash and eggplant and have NO IDEA they were doing so). ::: evil laugh :::
I already have VitaMix and I love it!
I would make frozen mommy beverages!!
I am a new reader and am enjoying every post!
Our blender is not great but we try and do smoothies once in a while. Frozen banana, some peanut butter and kale leaves, and then usually some berries.
I would give up my brothers left arm for one of these! I know, not much sacrificing on my part, but I am a girl who kinda likes to have it all. Plus the only other thing I have is a car and I need that nearly every day.
I gave up on my crap blender long ago. I actually have 2 crap blenders back in the dark depths of my cabinets. In all honesty the first thing I would make is baby food for the twins. They’re approaching solid food point and I dread having to make it in one of the crap blenders. Making two times the baby food in a junk blender makes me feel sad inside. After that though, so many possibilities!
A blender is pretty awesome for baby food. I did it with my first. With baby #2, I just skipped blending and gave him small pieces. Take THAT, stupid blender! I will waste no more time and excess food on you!
I have a junk blender too. I have a junk juicer too. I need a Vitamix! I have a toddler who won’t eat anything so I need to be able to juice and blend all the fruits and veggies he won’t eat!
I yell at my current blender all the time….we hate each other…
Why does your blender sound like Barry White in my head?
The new one, not the stupid non-blending blender.
I thought the EXACT same thing!
I have a Kitchen Aid blender that is pretty good, but I’d love to upgrade.
Can a blender really be sexy?!
I bet it could! And it would come in handy!
Lucky lady!!
Dude, put some blueberries and almond butter in that thing. That is all.
I keep bagging up fruit and putting it in the freezer, telling myself that I’ll make healthy smoothies. Yeah right…I just have a freezer shelf or frozen, extra-ripe fruit.
OH man, that thing is seriously going to change your life. You can now blend a brick if you want. Brick smoothies for everyone!
I’d blend up some frozen bananas to make fake ice cream!
How can everything you write be so funny? I laughed at your sexy blender with the butt plug, which it does look like. My blender is an asshole too and I’d love to dump him if the sexy Vitamix moved in.
Is that really a question? I’d blend up margaritas.
I had the same thing happen with a pair of shoes I orders. I called them and they didn’t have record of the 2nd pair so they told me to keep it. Yay me! PS: Vitamix is my dream!
I’d like to say I’d blend up lots of healthy fruits and veggies. But really I want it for chocolate milkshakes.
my kids love smoothies too, but I think our current blender is going to die soon.
A good blender is essential in our smoothie-loving house. Plus my Crappy Boy likes things that make loud noises, so its entertainment for him when I have nothing else to do.
I would make green smoothies. Lots and lots of green smoothies. And they wouldn’t have the gross green flakes in them that my current blender can never seem to blend up. Also, my answer to the Not Gross Question was supposed to be blueberries and pineapple. My son decided that I was done typing and hit enter for me.
I would love to make fresh juice and smoothies–my kids actually like these, but I have had the same luck with blenders as you!
My sister showed me your blog a while ago. Whenever I need a pick me up, or a good laugh, I read some of your old posts. Best. Blog. Ever.
Oh, and I have only owned one blender. I used it twice, because it sucks. It has been punished to the basement shelf of kitchen appliances I never use. Because they suck.
Oh, and I would make fruit and vegetable smoothies. Because I hate vegetables.
I love pineapple, carrot, spinach, kale, banana, avacado, and orange smoothies. Then I make them into popsicles for the kids!
I do the spinach up as ice cubes ahead of time then throw them in when I have fresh fruit for the frozen portion of the smoothie. Nice to be able to freeze ahead.
I have the same relationship with my blender, man would love to trade his ass in.
I love your pictures!!! I hate blending anything because it’s ALWAYS a disappointing! What’s worse, my blender works perfectly for my partner. Damn thing…
I’m new to blending, but my kid loves milkshakes. I for one just want some decent soup.
Smoothies are how we trick the kids into consuming kale. And let’s face it, how I trick myself into consuming it.
Oh, how I have lusted after a Vitamix. Thought I might have finally lusted enough to get one for Mother’s Day, but no dice. Smoothie addicts unite!
I would blend fruits for smoothies for my daycare kids. They love them but I have a “lazy” blender too. I would also make peanut butter and vanilla frozen yogurt shakes for me. Yum!
Try frozen watermelon, mint, honey and a pinch of cayenne. Oh, and tequila or gin. Sublimely dangerous/delicious.
I love this blog – what would I blend?? Baby food! Lots of baby food. I “dumped” my blender (also a Vita-Mix) in my divorce and I would love another!!
My blender sucks! Oh to win this would be a dream. Le sigh!
I have been through blenders as fast as we go through socks in my house! Pretty sure the last one I got rid of had the stanky face too
SO awesome! My blender is also a lazy P.O.S. By the time I’m done making my son his smoothie, I’m ready to be committed. I’m sweaty, I’ve managed to get kale and spinach liquid on my ceiling, and I’ve mangled a spoon in the process.
I want a blender that comes with its own butt plug! I remember when they were first advertising at Costco they made a big production about blending the chicken bones with the broth. Because no soup is complete without the bones.
I’d make green smoothies and my kids would actually eat spinach.
Love this post! I think the same thing over and over…
I have a stupid blender too. Maybe if someone ever decides to interview me for a magazine, I can mention one and get it free too!
Your blog cracks me up and saves me from the insanity that are my kids
Thank you.
I would make adult beverages!! finally!
plain ole strawberry and banana. Maybe some almond butter and milk too.
Smoothies. and almond milk. and peanut butter/nut butters.
I would make smoothies for breakfast! There’s a chocolate peanut butter one I want to try.
Can I make blended hamburgers? Is that a thing?
Oh. My. Gosh.
I use my currently blender AT LEAST once a day, usually three or four times. Today I made smoothies for breakfast, peanut butter pudding for lunch and a protein shake for a mid-afternoon snack. The peanut butter pudding was some ricotta cheese, all natural peanut butter, half and half, some stevia for sweetness and a splash of vanilla all blended up until thick and creamy. My kids licked their bowls.
Thank you for loving us fans so much!
I would be a pinterest vitamix freak…if it can be blended…it will be! lol
Ohh… I’d make smoothies, and soup, and my applesauce! Kind of tedious with my meh blender, lol!
you always make me laugh.
I’d blend soups and smoothies and nut butters! (And I love that I’m not the only person that thinks butt plug when they see that piece!!)
My blender broke whilst blending ICE! ICE I tell you!
Love this site! And would love a blender that won’t spontaneously combust when I feed it kale!
An thinking of making smoothies into Popsicles for the upcoming summer heat!
Smoothies, and oh geez, i don’t know. my old blender died when i tried making hummus, so probably hummus. LOTS and lots of homemade hummus.
Love your blog and have the same woes with my own blender
OMG… I’ve been dreaming of a vitamix!
Um, I bet those VitaMix marketing gurus NEVER thought to go the butt plug route in their ads – they should send you another one just for the fab idea!
I’d blend up baby food for my little guy. And frozen bananas for banana “ice cream.” And margaritas. Yes, margaritas.
Best. Giveaway. Ever!
We got a nice blender for our wedding and its great! Not a super expensive vitamix, but it blends the shit out of everything! Only prob is cleaning it. I hate cleaning the freaking blender which equates to a big debate if im going to make a smoothie for me n the kiddos because i picture having to clean it… So i hate my blender, but for entirely different reasons.
Chocolate yogurt and frozen bananas. And, no, my wimpy blender can’t even handle that. Come on Universe, Mama needs a Vitamix!
LOVE to juice -would LOVE LOVE LOVE a vitamix!
I hear kale is all the rage…. kale, really? I thought that was a garnish.
Because Vitamix is the bomb! Blends soups, smoothies, protein shakes (no grit…..yay!) I would love to win this for my Vitamix-deprived daughter.
I have never owned a blender. It would be awesome to go from none to Mercedes blender all in one stroke. (Also, the one night stand comment – yeah, that’s the stuff you say that cracks me up.)
My blender is 10 years old. Older than my marriage. Almost as old as my college degree (and just about as useless…). And I want to make smoothies. Lots and lots of smoothies. And I want the raspberry seeds to be pulverized into nothingness.
I could never afford one of these bad boys!!!
Have you made banana “ice cream”? Take a frozen banana (or two), toss them in there, blend. Peanut butter and chocolate are excellent additions. So good.
my crappy blender can’t handle an avocado. It’s almost too dangerous to know what this bad boy could do!
I just killed my blender making chocolate peanut butter cheesecake… I used greek yogurt instead of sour cream to pretend it was healthy and I think that was the death of it. Sigh.
I would make milkshakes. And Jerk Chicken marinade. Sooo good : ) And possibly margaritas. Ok, definitely margaritas ; ) My blender bowl… thing… broke so I’ve been attaching mason jars to the blender to make things.
I would loveeee to win this, I’m on a journey to a healthier lifestyle, so I would use it for green smoothies (spinach is usually a main ingredient) I hate how gritty they are, maybe a $600 blender could take care of that?
ahhhh I’ve wanted one of these forever! I got a “good” blender when we got engaged – it was NOT cheap – and it’s still junk. I’ve determined a vitamix must be the only blender in the world that really works. Pick me
A friend let me borrow her Vitamix after my son and daughter had ear tubes and adenoids removed on the same day. It was great to make smoothies. I’ve been wanting one ever since, but haven’t been able to afford it.
I have a love/hate, mostly hate, relationship with my current blender.
Love that you referred to it as a butt plug. Lol!
I have a plain old Hamilton Beach blender that I love!
Whoops, should not have hit enter. Thank you so much for the opportunity, but more than that, thanks for the many giggles you provide!!
Thank you for brightening so many of my days! I love your blog….and I share it with absolutely everyone! PS– I would love a blender!
pumpkin pie smoothie – YUM! ohsheglows.com has GREAT smoothie recipes
I’d totally make a milkshake — chocolate ice cream and peanut butter. YUM.
YOU CAN MAKE SOUP! I know, because I totally had it once. A friend has a refurb blender and made me potato soup, without using the STOVE! I KNOW!
You are awesome! Thanks for sharing!
banana, berries (straw, rasp, blue), mango, honey and spinach to the top! hope i win
Mmm, fruit smoothies. With veggies secretly thrown in so that my son will eat them. Mwah-ha-ha-ha. Love your posts! (And I hate my blender too!)
Yum smoothies! My blender is a jerk too.
I love blending banana, chocolate and peanut butter together. With a little milk, yogurt, or ice cream! Yum!
I once got an extra desk chair from a big brand company…..I ..uh…gave mine away…..to charity! Yeah, …to charity….cuz I’m very generous…..like you. :]
I would love a great blender! My kids always want to make orange smoothies, and mine is horrid. If I even get an ice cube near it for a slushie, it goes into a coma.
I would blend everything. I make (well to the best of my ability with my hateful blender) baby food for my 6 month old and smoothies for my toddler. So pretty much anything that could be safely fed to my children (and maybe husband
) would be blended. Also, I LOVE your book!
What would I blend? My 4+ year old current favorite color is green. And this formerly very very picky eater likes green smoothies. And actually gets excited to get the “salad” from the frig (aka spinach). So we are currently doing spinach, yogurt, banana, with just a few strawberries (too many makes it brown – yuck). Any leftover smoothies go into popsicle molds.
Oooh! I’d LOVE one of these! (I’m shamefully in a relationship with a crappy blender, too). I would mix my protein meal shakes, with frozen fruit, spinach, kale, yogurt, vanilla almond milk, and maybe add supplements…
My blender is a jerk too, and my 2.5 year old loves smoothies.
My blender likes to make high pitched shrieking noises of protest too!
PS Your blog rock
I’d really like a Vitamix mixer. My husband just bought me a “Kitchen Aid Stand Mixer” for Mother’s Day as a compromise. I’m excited about the “Kitchen Aid” but a Vitamix would be way more exciting. I’d blend everything in there. I could make chocolate milk shakes. Mmmm…chocolate!
Omg me me me!! I love your blog anyway, but this is awesome! Maybe it would save money since my husband refuses to blend his own drinks and buys fast food smoothies several times a week!
Oh my gosh! I have been wanting a Vitamix too!! I asked for a new blender one year for Christmas, but I got one of those Ninja systems (which is good for some stuff but definitely not good for my favorite smoothies). The Vitamix is what I would really love to have! Thank you for sharing your good fortune with someone else!
I would blend up everything! I love sneaking veggies into fruit smoothies for my 3 year old
Everything!
My blender can’t handle a basic green smoothie without crapping out on me.
Ugh!I know how you feel. I finaally gave up on mine! I’d rather be blenderless I guess!
wow, that is awesome!!!
milkshakes, obviously.
Gosh these look nice
Wow! This is such an awesome give away. I sure hope you get extra drinks with little umbrellas. I’d love to win some of those too.
I’d blend…EVERYTHING.
I have heard so many great things about the Vitamix, and your post is probably my favorite one so far.
My favorite thing to make in my blender is banana ice cream for my kids. You just chop up 2 or 3 bananas, and then put all the slices in the freezer. Come back in a few hours when they’re frozen solid, dump them into a blender and pulverize them. Scoop it into bowls, add a little chocolate syrup if you want and voila, happy children eating something healthy. Can’t beat that right?
Now if only I had a blender that would actually make those bananas smooth….
Our most recent blender does okay, but I bet a Vitamix would kick its butt.
I’d blend up some strawberry bannana smoothies!
I have a decent little lime green blender. He’s a jerk sometimes too, but he matches my toaster, so until I win this puppy I’ll have to keep him around.
Hell yeah I want a Vitamix blender! My kitchen totally needs a sexy makeover! Go Rafflecopter Go! Pick me!
You know, I have never actually believed that any blender was up to the task, but after reading this, I may have to adjust my thinking….
Me and the kids love smoothies!! Usually I do a cup of whatever frozen fruit I have, a bunch of vanilla ice cream, and if I have fresh fruit, throw some of that in there too! Don’t forget a healthy dose of sugar to top if off. OH, and I love to add caramel as well (instead of the sugar. or as well as the sugar. Either way
Getting stuff for free makes it that much sweeter!
And…the power of words! OOOO! AAAAHHH!!!
Congratulations on your new toy! No more chunky smoothies.
I have the same issue with my crappy blender. I would love a marriage quality blender. Perhaps I’d then use it more often. I’d make all sorts of healthy green smoothies and possibly some frozen drinks for myself, but mostly the healthy smoothies. (Actually, mostly the frozen drinks probably.)
I’d blend up a delicious gazpacho– pineapple, jalapeno, cucumber, lime, and seasonings… Mmmm! And maybe a traditional gazpacho, too. I love any and all gazpacho unconditionally!
Thanks so much for always being awesome, making me laugh, and spreading the everyday joys, frustration, and humor of parenting, crappy pictures and all. 
Totally would make gazpacho too! Or a pumpkin and yogurt smoothie.
my blender sucks too. i would blend up some yummy butternut squash soup. and smoothies. and anything else that i can eat, cause, why not, i don’t have time to sit and eat a “meal”. plus every time i go in whole foods i stalk the vitamix area.
I mix fresh fruit, spinach or Kale, almond milk, coconut water, chia seeds, flax seeds mostly
I would blend up coconut milk, banana, cocoa powder and almond butter
I’ll blend everything I can get my hands on! But first I think I’ll make banana gelato (:
dude. WANT. I was in LABOR and this infomercial came on. It was this and the nuwave oven. It was in the middle of the night.. no one was awake and I couldn’t even lift my arm to turn the channel. Must have this blender. I earned it watching all eleventeen hours of that damn thing work in all its splendor.
Id blend anything and everything because the vitamix CAN
I’m not really a blender person, that’s my husbands job, but if I blended something it would be a chocolate shake. I know, very creative!
Oh I would die for a Vitamix, I make protein shakes everyday with vanilla or chocolate protein powder. My favorite combos are choc powder/spinach/pb2/almond milk and ice; van powder/spinach/strawberries/pineapple/coconut extract/almond milk and ice; or choc powder/spinach/mint ext/almond milk and ice. So yummy!!! My kids love fruit smoothies as snacks too
I love love love your blog. I can so relate to almost everything
My blender has been banished to the basement, because it too sucks bad! My girls love milk shakes and it’s such a pain with a crappy blender. We would be in milk shake heaven with a fancy working blender!!!
Lucky duck! I want a Vitamix!
Oh, I just made a yummy smoothie this morning *with my rather old, but still fairly functional blender that my hubby brought into our marriage. (I had to get a new gasket, and new blade to make it not leak.) My smoothie had: One champagne mango, pit removed, because even a Vitamix probably wouldn’t want to blend up a mango pit, and I’m not sure why you’d want to. One Banana. Bananas are the staple of most smoothies I make. One frozen nectarine. And about 1/3 cup of frozen blackberries. (They do leave little gritty seeds so if you don’t like that, and/or the Vitamix doesn’t pulverize the little seeds, you could maybe blend the blackberries first, and strain out the seeds, and put that back in.) And then I added a 1/4 cup of orange juice, and about 1/2 cup of Greek yogurt. Plain. Blend, blend, blend… so good.
There’s also this, which is my own recipe knock off for a “Samba Loose” corporate smoothie: http://offthecuffcooking.blogspot.com/2012/02/chocolate-peanut-butter-banana-smoothie.html
I would totally blend up all sorts of things. I won’t let just the children benefit from healthy veggie smoothies and fresh marinara. I’m gonna grind up some bone marrow and chicken guts and make my dog fresh ground food. And if the kids go rouge, I will be serving it to them for snack. with crackers. crackers, that i will grind in my new vitamix and bake in my own oven.
Love your blog. Vitamix blenders are amazing!
I’m really loving smoothies now! I do a lot with frozen bananas, apple, Greek yogurt and peanut butter. I also like spinach, Greek yogurt, frozen grapes, avocado and lime. Using a vitamix would be amazing
I would mix frozen strawberries, frozen yogurt and bananas in the blender. So it might not be the most impressive combination, but still…YUM! The next time I might leave out the frozen yogurt and add a splash of rum.
I would likely blend up everything from soups, to mayo, to baby food (expecting our third and the last one was just born February ’12, I know I’m crazy, I blame my husband) Lets see, smoothies, juices, anything that I currently use my crappy food processor for, because I too have had a rocky relationship with blenders. LOL
50 Shades.. Kitchen Edition
I would make soo many smoothies – fancy vegetable combinations and fruits. All of a sudden, I’d be losing weight with no effort at all, right?
Salsa…. I would blend salsa
I would blend all kinds of smoothies again!
I miss having a working blender.
Hummus, Green Smoothies, Amazing Frozen Banana/Cocoa Powder “Ice Cream”, Ice for Snow Cones… Plus, I love being sneaky with that spinach!
I don’t know what I’d blend, but my last blender committed suicide off of the counter, so I would be over the moon to win! Well, I guess the initial blend would have to be some margaritas to break it in!
I’m a big kid that has to be forced to eat my vegetables. So I like to throw in kale or spinach in my banana, strawberry and blueberry yogurt smoothies.
Summertime is the best time for an awesome blender! I would make healthy smoothies, and perhaps the occasional adult beverage.
I’d probably bring it to work so my nurses and staff at our pediatric office could be healthy…or maybe leave it at home to make fancy alcoholic drinks for me and my hubby since our kids will be at camp for 6 weeks this summer….or both!
I would make milkshakes and margaritas and smoothies and all of it. yummo!
Me too!
Smoothies are like gold in our house – they are some of the only veggies I can get into DD. We are also well-intentioned white folks who have a produce share, so we get BOAT LOADS of produce. Long story short – green smoothies are the way to go.
And delicious purees.
And pretty tasty soups.
And margaritas. Most importantly, margaritas.
I used to have a blender, until I decided to try to recreate paneras amazing broccoli and cheddar soup. In case anyone is wondering, you should not pour boiling soup into a blender. It will shatter, and you and your kitchen will be covered in soup and glass shards. If I had a vitamix, I would try to make the soup again. But maybe, I’d follow common sense this time. Maybe.
I would blend up “coffee” for my daughter who refuses to drink milk unless I put it in a starbucks cup and call it coffee. And hide veggies in smoothies because I don’t eat veggies and I want to try to trick myself.
I have a sturdy old Oster blender but it is louder than a jet plane and is responsible for my increased hearing loss. Is it worth for smoothies?
I would blend everything and anything! LOL
I want it I want it I want it!!!
Wow, I would love to win! It would be great for summer cocktails.
Oohhhhh a new blender would be *singy singy voice* AAAWWESOMMMMMMEE! The one I have is my finaces and its, well…we dont use it. LOL I would be great to use a blender again. Thank you!
My blender is older than me and I am 35!
That is so cool. I need a new blender!
My children are fruit and veggie-a-holics! I think they would love to venture into the smoothy world! I love your blog, it never fails to make me laugh out loud at my work desk and then get some strange looks shot my way
I would blend everything I could get my hands on
So funny, I’m glad I’m not the only one who hates every blender I’ve had too.
Our favorite thing to make in the blender is something my kids call “banana swirl.” Basically, freeze some bananas, add a little milk, vanilla, and sugar just so it has a smooth consistency, and you have something like soft-serve ice cream made almost entirely out of bananas. My boys love it and beg for it, but my blender really can’t handle it so this would be AWESOME to win.
I’d use the vitamix to help with encapsulating my placenta!
LOL, I could have written this myself….minus the humor…and fatastically happy ending. I thought I had found true love with my Ninja, then…one of the kid’s left the base of it near the vent to the oven, oven was on….melted NINJA (note: NINJA’s cannot withstand 400 degrees). Since that was my 1000th attempt to find a blender that ACTUALLY worked to satisfy the smoothie demands of my FOUR (sometimes adoreable) children, I have boycotted blenders and smoothies…hurumph
I would make green smoothies like a boss! My girls and I enjoy them for morning. Peanut butter chocolate smoothies are pretty awesome rad too!
Bananas. Bananas and anything RULES. Bananas, chocolate chips, vanilla ice cream, a little milk and a little ice… and wahay! You can add some protein powder if you’re interested in that sort of thing, or just enjoy the delicious banana-y goodness on its own.
Also: raspberries, because I’m THAT person who likes chewing the seeds when they get stuck in my teeth. Mmm… seedy…
Love this! I’ve wanted one, but just can’t justify $600… I’d have to make multiple pitchers of margaritas, like everyday, to make that worth it! But free, you bet! Sign me up!
Thanks for keeping us entertained!
I’d blend up fruit and yogurt – can’t go wrong with that! (:
Seriously…I suffer from the same blender curse. Last time, I spent $60 on this blender/food processor combo. It worked GREAT the first time I used it…and I began bragging about it to everyone I knew. Well..blender must have heard me… and got too excited…cause it’s had performance anxiety ever since. No amount of poking, shaking, or readjusting works… he just cant grind it anymore. Typical blender.
I need a sexy new blender thats not suffering from some sort of dysfunction! ;-D
I would blend up stuff for popsicles – my kiddos all freak out over homemade stuff like that. Yogurt, strawberries, and blueberries are their fave combo.
Pineapple Juice, Birthday Cake Vodka and ice! Delicious and perfect for summer! All healthy like, any sweet fruits with almond milk and kale.
I would make the best spinach smoothies
love them!
It takes me approximately 16 days, with 13 stops to make a green monster smooth in my current blender. Please send help!
I’d blend up delicious fruit and yogurt smoothies (I’m not very original). My 3-year old loves smoothies!
This is AWESOME. My kids love pumpkin pie smoothies, but if I, too, possessed a Blender of Non-Suckitude, I’m pretty sure I’d say screw that crap and make Ice Cream. Because I’m the mom and I can.
I would blend ALL THE THINGS!!! my current blender is lazy too. :/
Favorite blend – carrot & orange, SO TASTY! Also, you crack me up – EVERY SINGLE POST. Also, I would love a vitamix. I have a blender that is wimpy and two crappy juicers. : /
I would blend up everything! I mean anything that would look cool whizzing around, anything that might sound crazy being chewed to bits, and probably test the limits of this epic blender. I would make some avocado/yogurt/fruit smoothies and hummus too…
We really would welcome a sexy blender into our lives…any time
I’d make homemade hummus! Yum!
My kids have wanted this blender since they were entranced by the vitamix lady at Costco, haha!
Frozen banana lemonade- ice cubes, fresh lemon juice, banana- can sweeten to taste!
I’d blend up smoothies. And soups, too.
Awesome!! I think You should mention Tiffany Co. next and see what happens
Truly just this morning I was wondering if buying a vitamix was worth spending the money I don’t have…because I am a midwife and so needing a higher level of energy! And I am a lazy cook. I will blend every local organic fruit and veg I can find.
I have a dying blender as well but havent wanted to spend the money on a better one. who has that kind of $$ anyway?! I am exploring the world of gardening and now getting into juicing and smoothies to be healthier and use all homegrown organic produce. I would LOVE a vitamix Blender!
Vitamix anything are the best!
My blender sucks too! It is constantly laughing at me.
I make smoothies all the time in my craptastic POS of a blender. I really want to make my own almond meal/milk and my current blender will not do it.
I hate blenders! They never work, so we bought one of those handheld, dip into the cup blenders…. even more horrible. Enjoy your new toy!
Woot! Amazeballs blender! Here’s my hat, there’s the ring.. tossing it in!
Oh, I’d make smoothies, milkshakes, frappes, slurpees, and marinades just for starters.
I would blend everything i could get my hands on! I’ve been wanting to try juicing, and some of my friends said the Vitamix works great for that.
I can’t tell you how much I drool over this every single time we walk by it at Costco…
I would make coconut milk whipping cream, grind grains for my sister’s gluten & dairy-free bread and of course, the obligatory green smoothie.
I should win this just for being healthy!
I’d make Smoothies, anything that would get my daughter to consume a veggie! For me, milkshakes. With kaluah.
I would make some green smoothies ALL the time!
My blender is pretty crappy too.
This is one of my favorite blogs!
What wouldn’t I blend in a Vitamix? I could stop buying processed foods and feed my babies delicious and healthy concoctions and they wouldn’t even know what they were eating!!
I would blend up a heck of a lot more than I can now with the poor little stick blender that I currently use! It can handle bananas, berries and maybe some spinach but that’s about it. I have chard growing in my garden that I would love to blend into a smoothie but alas the stick blender isn’t capable.
I would love a better blender than my kitchen aid which loves to stick on pretty much everything I throw in it……
I am also looking for a food processor….any recommendations? I would love one that has a small bowl and a large one!
What an awesome giveaway! I’m so jealous of your newfound love!
VITAMIXXXXX yessssssssssss!
LOVE your blog. It makes me giggle! If I win I will use for fruits and veggies. Hubby likes to juice Kale so in the VItamix it would be easier and I can sneak it to my Daughter!
I need this! My stupid blender always leaves chunks when I try to do smoothies. And I think I could sneak kale into smoothies for my kids easier if the smoothies weren’t crunchy when I was done blending.
Free blender? Of this level of awesomeness? YES PLEASE! What I’m using now to make our green smoothies is so tiny I have to make 4 at a time. My family needs a worthy blender. NEEDS!!!
hubba hubba thanks for the chance to win a hunka hunka burnin’ love…you ROCK!
OMG I’ve been dreaming of a vitamix FOREVER. I’d blend things like alllllll the time! Juices, Smoothies, Ice Cream, Soup, Sauces….OMG..AHHHHHHHH!!!
Thanks for doing a giveaway!
I’d love to have that blender! I, too, have a jerk blender. It pretends it is going to be awesome and next thing you know there are still whole strawberries floating around.
Strawberries, pineapples and blueberries with some apple juice
and I thought I owned the laziest blender in the world! So awesome about the vitamix!
OMG, I just saw the topic on my facebook feed and before I even opened it, I knew your woes. Seriously, you can push and button and it does the same thing. [CRUSH] low hummmmmm [JUICE] medium hmmmmm [BLEND] high whirrring hmmmm sound
Opens top
Finds chunks of ice in blender stuck in blades and slushy fruit against the sides.
For those that may enter and NOT win, here’s a frustrated pro tip: Put your liquids in the blender first, then soft fruits/veggies, then harder fruits/veggies, then ice. The Juice gets spinning and the harder stuff floats on the top and then gradually pulls the others into the fold. BUT I have to shake the base a few times.
I feel cooler than Fonzie and like a Domestic Goddess when I can actually make a real smoothie.
I already own a crappy blender… I want me a Crappy blender! Personally, I put cocoa powder in a lot of my smoothies. Yeah. Especially with frozen blueberries.
Fabulous give away!! Thanks for sharing the wealth.
Oh, that is the only thing I miss from the coffee shop I used to work at…their superior blending powers! Has the word gotten out in your neighborhood? Are people showing up in droves to have you smoothie their handfuls of items?
I make smoothies every day for me and my son. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE a new blender that’s up to the task!
I used to scream at my blender as it feebly chipped away at frozen strawberries. Now I briefly microwave them and everyone is happy. We love baby spinach and frozen Costco fruit blended with greek yogurt (also from Costco). In fact, the baby spinach is from Costco now that I think about it. Costco smoothies. That’s how we roll. You can’t go wrong blending any of their frozen fruit.
Always get at least a chuckle if not a loud guffaw reading your posts. I need a new blender…mine is coming up on 36 years….it was a wedding present!
I would love a nice strawberry banana for my summertime sweet! I am CONSTANTLY fighting with my blender too!
I would blend up lots of fruits and veggies and make smoothies. Honestly, I’d like to try blended up old paper scraps and making new paper, too.
We LOVE blending chocolate ice cream, and adding a few scoops of those strawberries you put over ice cream. Try it. Wicked good!
I love crappy pictures!!
I love to blend strawberries, blueberries, banana, spinach/kale, coconut oil, hemp seeds, chia seeds, ground flax seeds, coco powder, and a splash of almond or coconut milk. I love it and so do the kids!! They never can tell that it’s healthy
Muhahahahaha
My husband and I love to read your blog together
Your description of an ill crappy papa sounds surprisingly familiar … but of course he denies it.
Um … an idea for blending. Spinach and bananas makes a surprising healthy/not-taste-like-total-crap version of ice cream. But personally, I’m thinking daiquiris with every type of fruit possible!
I like mango and strawberries. I add some milk or yogurt, ice, sometimes a banana, probiotic, chia seeds. Maybe a side of worms. Just kidding about the worms. Also, be careful with the mango because you might be peeling it with the vegetable peeler of death and it might take a chunk off of your finger and then you might have to go to the doctor. And then you might have to wear a plastic bag over it or wash your hair with one hand. Not that I have any experience with that part or anything.
Who doesn’t want a sexy blender?!!?
My daughter has discovered my blender. No good can come of this. I just hope she always puts edible stuff in it.
I love making fruit smoothies, malts, and frappe drinks with my blender, but I’d love it more with a Vitamix! Seen those babies in action, WOW.
I just bought a new blender so my kids can make smoothies. Picked only because it’s red and looks sexy in my kitchen. I have a feeling it’s going to be a loser.
Oooh. My kids would love some creative milkshakes. Chocolate peanut butter banana? Yum!
I’m in the UK, but could I enter the giveaway and share the love with a friend in the states? She in Sommerville, Boston and also has a jerk for a blender.
I want to win! Love your site!
blending is awesome and would be great with a Vitamix!
I would blend up a kale and fruit smoothie. I have heard those are awesome.
yeah — not so much unless you only use a little bit of kale.
True dat. Kale is lovely, and it doesn’t take much. I like mulberries in our smoothies.
I want to blend ALL THE FRUITS!
I’ve been dreaming about a Vitamix forever!!! Strawberries, bananas and pineapple would be my mix of choice. I’d probably throw some spinach in there to make me feel good about myself.
Random computer pick me….lol
Me too please! I have to make baby food for my baby! And my blender has about given up the ghost…
This blog makes me feel so much better about my parenting! Also, I have 5 kids and even the stupid Cuisinart blender sucks!
I recently had to buy a new blender too because mine was a loser also. I make my own applesauce for my toddlers and they loved puréed avocado with banana.
I about died reading you call your blender a jerk! Haha
loved this post and as always your drawings 
Ohhh I’d love one. And I love the drawing of Jerky Blender.
I am pretty sure my blender is your old blender’s cousin.
We fight with our blender constantly too! lol Loved your blog, as always.
My blender sucks!
Ooooh I have had the same problem! I even had a magic bullet I finally had to throw away.
I love my Ninja but I would divorce him in a hot second for even a fling with a Vitamix!!
The possibilities are endless with this thing. Ice cream, salsa, smoothies, SOUP!!! Yes. This thing makes a MEAN baked potato soup.
I have a Ninja. It actually blends things pretty well but it doesn’t do it quietly like a real ninja would. It terms of volume, it should probably be called “A Five Year Old”. If I add ice to it, it should be called a “Five Year Old Girl Who Has Just Been Told She’s Going to Disney World For Her Birthday”. It also doesn’t make soup or ice cream like a Vitamix can. Anyway, if I had a Vitamix, I would blend up lots of different frozen fruits with a little coconut milk and protein powder and maybe sneak a little fresh spinach or kale in there, too. Thanks for sharing your bounty with your readers!
I’ve always wondered if THOSE blenders were worth it. I can’t bring myself to shell out the $, so I really hope I win yours so I can find out for myself. =)
I’d try my hand at pina coladas… the unhealthy kind!
I hate my blender too. I even bought a name-brand, supposed-to-be-super-cool one in an effort to “upgrade”, and hated it too. I hear such amazing things about the Vitamix, but, like you, the price tag has always been too steep for me. Winning one would be super-awesome! (and might help hubby forgive me for the *other* one I bought)
Okay I am posting about this blender because I want one so bad! Not because I am fat and need to lose weight but because my ultra successful best friend has one and she makes margaritas in it EVERY TIME we come to visit. All I have is one of those embarrassing cheap ones. Ugh. Plus I am so cheap I even buy the Military Special brand of rum. Sad. A Vitamix blender would make me so cool….I just know it!
Lol…I am just kidding. I am not actually THAT embarrassed of my cheap blender but she always has the cool gadgets.
i’d blend anything cold & with coffee.
clearly i need a vitamix. my daughter has begun demanding lime slushies, which involves crushing ice. my loser blender does not approve. help. i like blending berry smoothies myself.. just berries and apple juice. or berries and ice cream.
Love your blog. Have been wanting a blender that works for years. Winning this would be awesome.
I’d make raw desserts
We have an asshole blender that we attempt to make daily breakfast smoothies in. For mango type citrus smoothies ( don’t correct me, I’m on a roll) we always add carrots to the mix. If we are berry based, we add spinach. I just want to make sorbet! Enjoy your vitamix!
Wondering how long until Crappy Baby tests out the Vitamix on his Lego pieces.
ah-freakin-mazing.
I would blend anything and everything, especially fruits for popsicles this summer! I so need a blender!
Just think of the Margarita possibilities!
Your blog makes me LOL :). I’ll read a new post and crack up, and my 1-year old just stares at me.
Yum! I love smoothies.
I’d be making hummus like a mad woman.. love that stuff with veggies!!
Love your blog and Vitamix!
Yeah I would make some adult beverages with my blender…. and probably some smoothies… maybe.
Our kids are all about the smoothies, so we do our best with our blender! A bunch of my friends sweat by their vitamixes, but it’s just not in our budget.
Happy blending!
PS We all loved your mother’s day post. I got one of the four — a good nap!
Whoops, that was supposed to say “swear”…I’d rather not see them sweat by their blenders.
I’d blend away any fruit or fruit and yogurt combo with several cups of leafy greens hidden in there. Margarittas for me and the Mr in the evening! I never get slushy drinks because my loser blender refuses to do ice. Or even frozen berries. Or anything that I haven’t already diced to bits. Basically, my blender just collects dust.
I’d blend up smoothies. The kind with spinach and fruit.
Or soups. I love me some soup.
Or ice cream. Love me some ice cream, too.
I would blend every fruit I had! Haha! Orange pineapple strawberry! Yummy. Those blenders are amazing! I saw one the other day at a Costco demonstration and it was THE blender of all blenders! I have 8 kids. I would use the crap outta it! LOL!
I am now obsessed with the soup idea.
I’ve been wanting one of these for awhile, and last week we stood at the demo counter at Costco for like 40 minutes sampling everything. I’m mostly excited about the fruit and veggie ice creams (banana + everything!) and the soups.
I would blend vanila greek yogurt, strawberries, bananas and I guess some veggies (but only because I feel obligated).
I am in lust with the Vitamix. I need a kitchen Lamborghini.
My blender sucks too. I have to keep a paper towel under it because it leaks. Hopefully I win the new one.
And your stories are hysterical so please keep them coming!
My blender really sucks. It doesn’t even have a lid so I just hold a plate over it and hope for the best. I would probably make awesome smoothies if I had a blender that worked.
I used to have one of those lazy blenders. Then I got a Kitchenaid immersion blender and haven’t had a regular blender ever since. I tell ya, my old blenders couldn’t even blend a ripe banana. It was ridiculous. I love that you can even make SOUP in a vitamix. I mean like get it hot and everything. How cool is that? I would also make good smooth hummus. Cause vitamixes are awesome like that.
I would certainly make A LOT of smoothies for my 3 boys! I would love to use it for soups (you can hide so much goodness in soup!)
I have a jerk blender too!!! I desperately need to replace it, and of course would love to do so with a Vitamix!!! I have been dreaming of making my own ice cream, sorbet, and frozen yogurt in a blender since I keep seeing recipes for stuff like that all over Pinterest! Did you know you can apparently make Banana ice cream using JUST frozen bananas?!?!?!
I like making blended iced coffee things, along the lines of a Frappucino. The Vitamix crushes ice like nobodies business!
Argh! “NOBODY’S business.” What’s wrong with me??
How lucky are you? I always thought Vitamixes were sexy too…those and those giant KitchenAid stand mixers. I’m in the same boat you were in. I keep buying cute, cheap little blenders that promise so much and never live up to expectations. I would love to finally be able to make a smoothie for all of my kids at once…or guacamole that isn’t just chunks of veggies that look like they’ve been chewed up, lol.
Nice!
OMG Vitamix is totally sexy. It’s the ONLY sexy blender. Ever. So very hot.
I have been having the same issues! I have been trying to be more consistent at making healthy delicious juice/smoothies for my family, but I absolutely DREAD fighting with our worthless blender or my ancient juicer which constantly chokes up on me. With one machine like that, I could donate 2 machines to a more casual user. Oh, how I can dream…
I like avocado and coconut milk and I LOVE your blog.
Pina Colada night every night!
Everything! I’d blend everything! I’d probably even try blending my old crappy blender!
I would blend up some soup! since the viatmix can also heat up food, what an easier dinner that would make
My toddler would love it if I made smoothies but I too suffer from the “jerk of a blender” situation.
The best mix is apple, lemon, ginger..Then you can add whatever to it, some greens, etc. Thanks for the giveaway!
A part of my blender is broken, and I’m terribly missing my smoothies. I like to mix yogurt with frozen strawberry and banana – simple strawberry banana smoothies are my thing. Though sometimes I like to make Wendy’s style frosties with ice, vanilla ice cream, and chocolate syrup. My husband does weird things like blend ice cream sandwiches with ice and milk…. Green smoothies are yum too!
Would love it! Congrats on the free blender & thanks for Sharing!
Oh my goodness, I would love to win. I have the Ninja, which I consider the poor womans version of the Vitamix. The Ninja is awesome and works very well but I have always wished for a Vitamix…crossing my fingers!
LOVED this post. Love them all…but the pictures on this one are hilarious as is the writing.
Our only blender is a margarita machine which works alright but is a pain to clean. Smoothies at our house are made using an emulsion blender that does it’s best but frozen peaches are more than it can handle. I suspect that the Vitamix could kick some serious frozen peach butt.
My blender is brown and yellow and from the 80′s….it works if you talk nicely to it…whisper sweet nothings in its ear…
I bought my BFF your book and she LOVED IT. I could totally use a new blender asap!
I would make smoothies for my son and i to share. I might turn mine into a frozen adult beverage
Smoothies, of course, because my children looooove smoothies! And broccoli cheddar soup. My mom has a Vitamix and that has been my favorite so far. YUM. Or pizza soup.
I’d love to blend up some yummy raw soups for this summer!
I would blend some fruit and yogurt. I gave up on regular blenders years ago.
What to blend? What wouldn’t you blend?! Soups, smoothies, cake batter, margaritas, salsa, shave ice for snocones – the possibilities are endless!
Baby food. Boring I know, but necessary!
I Usually Blend Lots Of Fruits… Kiwi, Strawberry, Banana, AndApples With Low Fast
I’ve had similar bad luck with blenders in the past. In fact, I’ve gone to a stick mixer for basically everything. The one thing they can’t handle is ice.
So my suggestion to you for your spiffy blender of awesome is to make the sort of fruity iced drinks that go great with umbrellas!
I would make date milkshakes with it. And other assorted healthier things. I love the crappy blender illustrations!
You never fail to make me laugh.
I would blend up strawberries, blueberries, yogurt, and tofu. Thats right tofu… delish.
I’d be interested in making soups or flours…my friend has one and says they do all kinds of awesome stuff!!
avocados and coconut milk and mango and banana! ooh girl!
Every. Single. Blender I have owned has SUCKED. My current one can’t even make a decent milkshake! When your 5 year old is extremely picky about E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G a good milkshake is a must!
I am pretty sure I would make peach, mango smoothies every day if I had a vitamix
And of course milkshakes for my little men once in awhile too!
Nutella milkshakes! And green shakes to attempt to get some more veggies. And baby food for my little guy.
I have a great smoothie I make- it is a little heavy so it is more like a meal replacement.
1C pineapple- I buy the frozen
1C Kale
1/4 Avocado
1/2 Mango- can buy frozen too
a pinch of cayenne pepper
Coconut water or almond milk
Blender batter pancakes! (We use buckwheat to stay gluten free.)
Mmm, I’d mix advacado smoothies. With wheatgrass shots and blueberries. I’m not kidding.
LOVE IT. SO REAL TO MY LIFE!
I use our crappy blender to make “smoothies” out of vanilla yogurt, baby-food fruit (mango is my son’s favorite), and milk. He loves them. And if it’s the only thing I can get down his throat before school, I don’t feel so bad. I also use it for guacamole.
Ohh! Vitamix blender! And a contest!
I would make my own juice cleanses
Oh the things I would do for a vitamix! I’ve literally wanted one since I was a kid and saw one on a vitamix demonstration!
We make smoothies everyday with our jerk of a blender but I love blending frozen chopped bananas with a blop of peanut butter…. INSTANT ICE CREAM!!!! Note: my blender shuts down when I try to blend frozen bananas….argh!
We so need a blender. We have a very old bullet that needs a new home.
I would blend up some delicious baby purees!
The butt plug comment made me LOL…
Almonds for almond milk. And lots of veggies for green juice.
I NEED a Vitamix! Except…I can’t afford one. So this would be awesome!
I would blend up grains! Love to make my own flour! Soups would def. be at the top too, as well as my own hummus, almond butter, you name it!!
I threw my blender out a long time ago because it didn’t work for sh*t. I keep thinking I should buy a new one so I can make my kids fun things like smoothies but I don’t like to spend money so instead I just talk about it. A lot. Would be cool to win one so I can shut up about it.
My blender is evil, too. I think it laughs at me and plots when I’m not looking
I’d smoothie it up all day long!
My blender is a leaky inefficient jerk. We would be in smoothie (and smooth soup!) heaven with a working blender! A Vitamix would make me swoon. You should make gazpacho!
I’ve never been a big smoothie person but this blender sure would make me stArt!!
I love your post…..i am sure you can appreciate my love of fruit & vodka
WOW! That’s so awesome! Pick me for the other! I wanna make smoothies too!!!!!!! And my very old kitchen would absolutely be humbled by a schweet Cadillac blender on it’s meager counter space.
Vitamix Blender would be treated like royalty in this house. or on my counter. where ever. I need Vitamix! I want Vitamix. Come to me Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vitamix! Vita – wait is this overkill?
I’ve had a fair share of asshole blenders. I have a Kitchenaid one and it’s….ok. Not love, that’s for sure.
Smoothies for sure, margaritas, slushies (watermelon and lime – OMG!), we have a bullet blender – but it’s tiny.
I love blending soups. My blender is pretty crappy too, though, and always leaves my soups grainy… Oh, what smooth soup I’d have with a Vitamix!!!
I would blend bananas and mint ice cream. Turns out it is really tasty! Course I like some really odd food.
Got your book! Loved it! I totally know the stinky cow place! Those california cows commercials always puzzled me, till I heard they filmed in New Zealand, then it made sense! lol!
Our favorite fresh juice is apples, carrots and ginger…super tasty!
First off, I LOVE YOUR BLOG!! Makes me laugh out loud and my kids think i’m crazy cuz they have no idea what i’m laughing at.
Second, our favorite smoothie is frozen spinach, kale & strawberries blended with a fresh banana, mango, flax seed and a splash of juice. My boys love it and it’s super healthy!
I hate blenders. Also food processors. Can you fix me??
Please pick me!
We make green smoothies in our blender, I also use it for the sauce and filling for my white green chili chicken enchiladas mmmmm. Man I’d kill for a vitamix!
I have wanted one of these forever!!! So glad you got one (and love the plug comment LOL)
I didn’t know you could do soup in the blender!! Genius!!
My favorite combo is strawberries, blueberries, spinach, honey and coconut milk.
I hate my blender too!!! I blend root bear floats in the summer time! Much less mess for the kids to dig out the ice cream.. Yummy!!
I’d blend paper and water to make papier-mâché (yeah, so I googled for the correct spelling). Maybe I would make my own paper and write a thank you letter to you and vitamix. Ohh, or maybe I would blend my current blender just to show it how a REAL blender does it.
Love your posts – as I’m sure others have said – you’re writing my life!
If you like the Vitamix, then you’ll LOVE the Thermomix – does everything the Vitamix does AND cooks, sautes, steams, weighs as well! It makes the perfect risotto at the same time you’re steaming the perfect chocolate pudding! I’m an addict!!
I would blend up smoothies! My blender is broke so this would be an amazing thing to win!!
My little blender is a peice of crap, I love to make fruit smoothies, everytime I put more then a few slices of a fruit it just stops running. I would love to have this blender and fill it to the brim with every type of fruit and yogurt! YUM!
any fruit (no pineapple … that crap will destroy any smoothie), kefir, spirulina and SPINACH! BLAM!
We are a smoothie loving family so this would be awesome to win!
I sooo want one. I would make nut butters, soups, and our daily smoothies
If I win this, I will be the happiest person in the entire world.
I make smoothies everyday! I am so ready to dump my crappy blender! : )
I love your blog! Its hilarious!!
Everything! Blend EVERYTHING!!!
I would make my own almond milk – god I’d love to make my own almond milk! My daughter inhales the stuff and my current blender can’t handle almonds to save its crappy little life. In fact, it can barely handle the double crushed ice for our smoothies
How awesome! Thanks! Enjoy your new blender! I hope I’m just as lucky!
Banana daiquiris, pina coladas, margaritas…oh and maybe a smoothie or two for the kids.
I would blend up strawberries spinach mango kale and yogert
I would love love love a Vitamix to make my baby super healthy baby food and to puree veggies to hide on baked goods for my preschooler who is currently anti veggies lol
OMG I have only dreamed of ones of these…I kill blenders too : /
My wife loves this blog and we would love a vitamix! She doesn’t know I’m entering this contest, so shhh…
I also hear kale is all the rage!
So excited!
V8 makes those tasty fruit and vegetable combo drinks where you can’t taste the veggies. My kids actually like them. You should try something like that and try to hide the veggies from your kids. I have no idea what combinations work, but you should be able to do something with carrots and maybe some strong fruit flavors like strawberry and banana. Maybe. Good luck!
I make my girls smoothies most morning and my magic bullet just isn’t cutting it anymore. Poor thing was smoking a little the other day :(. I would LOVE to win the vitamix!!
We love smoothies here, but I’m also in the middle of baby food purees so being able to blend up the veggies without chunks big enough to choke the cute baby would be awesome!
I swear, my blender screams at me everytime I use it! I really, really, could use a new blender! I would make hot sauce! I could go back to sneaking veggies into the kids foods!, and who doesn’t love smoothies!
Maybe homemade ice cream? Could I do that?
I’d blend up smoothies for my kids. Try to sneak a little more veggies into their diets.
I am saving money for a vitamix so it would be even more awesome if I could win one. I would make kale smoothies for my kiddos. Thanks!
I probably would mix up anything and everything that wasn’t that healthy for me….chocolate sounds yummy. Although, I do like oranges and pineapple and perhaps there is some tasteless, invisible-to-the-naked-eye-good-for-you vegetable that I could throw in there as well.
I addition to all kinds of yummy smoothies, I would make tomato soup!
Clearly adding rum to anything you blend makes a difference!
You are so awesome to share your good fortune with us!
I would blend really yummy fruits like pineapple and cocoanut, and then throw in some rum. Or maybe some tomatoes and celery and, why not, some vodka! (Are those the ingredients of a Bloody Mary, I’m really not sure but I think I remembered the most important ingredient!)
I would love to dump my jerk of a blender for 2 reasons. The first, because he’s a jerk. The second because then my husband would get off my ass about buying him a Vitamix. That’s all he ever talks about and I’m sick of hearing about it. Then I would blend everything that I have in my fruit drawer in the fridge! I’m not good with coming up with food ideas, my husband is the cook so I would only think of dumb things like bananas and he would have to suggest putting strawberries with them!
I love making smoothies! I stuff spinach, carrot juice, Greek yogurt, OJ, frozen berries, bananas and avocado in them, so if the kids and I only eat crap the rest of the day, I can rest assured I at least started off with some good stuff.
I would blend up blueberries. Lots, and lots of blueberries. Blueberry smoothies are the only thing I wanted to eat when I was pregnant, and now my son looooves them. Hey, it could be way worse!
coconut yogurt, frozen bananas, almond butter, cinnamon, vanilla…then a few mini chocolate chips on top! (Frozen cherries are good too instead of the banana)
I love my VitaMix…I blend everything, but my families favorite is a “chocolate” milkshake, contains milk of choice, rice protein powder, cocoa powder, frozen banana, handful of almonds, chia seeds, and ice! Enjoy…
I would make margaritas with it, screw this healthy crap!
I love making smoothies. You could throw in almonds, berries, a frozen banana and spinach, with enough water to blend. Yum!
I grew up with the original Vitamix. We called it the airplane engine. I would make a tomato soup in it!
I’d make green smoothies for my 2 year old!
I love my vitamix, I use it at least twice a day!!!!!
TOTALLY WORTH IT!!!
Love your life – can totally relate to your life!! Even if I don’t win, I think it’s very cool of you to give away what you could have easily sold. I too lust after the Vitamix as do so many people. Maybe someday! Until then, I look forward to hearing more about your adventures in mixing
Green smoothies!! It’s almost impossible to make a nice smoothie in my current blender…esp since, oh yeah, my husband just dropped it on the floor and shattered it into a million pieces! lol.
I love green smoothies. Use any fruit you like and add spinach, or kale, romaine and a little water. It will look gross, but tastes great.
I have been wanting to buy a mixer (currently my blender is just a margarita maker), but I wanted to wait till I had the money saved for a Vitamix
The Vitamix is awesome! My favorite is blending up frozen berries, spinach, cinnamon, coconut milk and coconut butter. Yum!
A vitamix would be amazing! So exciting that you can make easy smoothies now
So awesome! I’m jealous of your dual blender windfall, and what a great idea to give one away.
I work at a health food store that I generally can’t afford to shop at, but all of these health-conscious customers come in telling me that they make fresh nut butters and even their own flours in their Vitamixes. I desperately want to make my own wheat-free flours because it’s expensive to buy them and my 7 month old is allergic to wheat.
Oh yes, I have big plans indeed!! I would do salsas and smoothies and protein shakes galore!!! Pick me!!
let’s go rafflecopter! pick me pick me!
I like to make fruit leather so I would blend up fruit of any kind, including dates to make it sweet, and dry it in the oven.
I SO need this !!! I have no fancy sexy kitchen things. Plus I’m a vegetarian and i totally answered I’d rather eat worms. Also i loved cloth diapering my wee one. BG’s were my favorite !!
Thanks for being so darn cool & sharing !
I’ve been lusting after the Vitamix blender after seeing the demos at Costco… We have a KitchenAid that has been going strong for 5-years (crushes ice at any speed) so it’s a bit more difficult to break-up with it. *sigh*
I would make a mean green smoothie!
Posting a comment so I can earn 3 entries… go Vitamix!
My BFF has been wanting one of these forever. My blender is in working order and does the job, so I’d love to be able to give her one of these!
In addition to all kinds of yummy smoothies, I would make tomato soup!
Homemade orange julius
I so know what you mean – I have purchased several blenders and even that so called “Magic” thing – but I can’t bring myself to spend that much money on one blender – I dream of a perfect Margarita without the big chunks or even a protein smoothie that doesn’t have a whole strawberry stuck at the bottom!
PS I so love your stories!!
I hope you get a hot tub….I’ve always wanted one!! I understand your love for your blender….I am having a love affair with my new Breville juicer
I have never owned a blender but now I know just to go all in and not waste my money on a lazy blender lol thanks!!
Our blender died when my husband (being the sweet man that he is) put the little rubber ring in the dishwasher, they came out a different shape and size. Now we are blenderless!
Besides that I love your site and your humor, I often tell said husband crappy stories at night.
I LOVE making peanut butter-banana-plain yogurt smoothies. I ask my son if he wants one as a “treat” just so I have an excuse to make them
I have been saving up for a Vitamix forever!!
I also suffer from using a loser blender. I want a sexy new one! Please!
Holy cow, that is a sexy blender. My mother has a pretty amazing Breville blender that does wonderful things with pesto, but this looks crazy. I would make allll the blended items. Smoothies. Soups. An entire basil bush-worth of pesto to stuff in the freezer. Wow.
Almonds for almond milk.
I could SO go for a green smoothie! Kale with pineapple. Maybe add some banana and mango. I have an original Ninja. It’s not sexy at all and it’s ninja skills are not all that impressive.
I’ve discovered green smoothies in the morning. It’s like a free veggie serving (plus lots of sweet fruit). I’ve even gotten my 5 year old to drink some if he dresses up like a frog and pretends it’s swamp juice.
OhMyHeck! I Have THREE blenders And None Of Them Work Worth BEans. I Would Be Whipping Up An Orange Julius Like Five Time A Day. Ooooh, And Salsa. LoTs Of Salsa. mmmmmmmmmm
Hummus!
1-2 garlic cloves
2 cans of garbanzo beans
1 tsp tahini
lemon juice to taste
salt to taste
evoo until you have reached the right consistency!
I would make lots of varieties of pesto like sauces- basil, arugula, spinach, kale, etc. So I could then put it on noodles of any sort and trick my two year old into eating dark green veggies
My current blender is the same one I’ve had since i was a kid, so its about 25plus years old. With a new one I would make Chocolate Peanut butter Milkshakes for my son, my Mom and me, Banana Nutella Milkshakes, Strawberry banana smoothies. Mango Strawberry Banana Smoothies, and i would finally try the whole odd smoothie juice thing that my friends all Rave about.
So cool. I make smoothies and wonder at how my kids always want some, even though they have spinach and this weird green powder in them. I would do that more.
I won my blender at Dave & Buster’s, along with a crock pot. They both suck.
You know children NEVER finish their yogurts? Blend those with frozen fruit. yum.
LOVE your blog and would LOVE a blender too!
We LOVE smoothies, but our blender sux too! I would so use it to make those yummy sunbutter smoothies with banana and coconut oil and Greek Yourt or Coconut milk throw in some ice…BAM! one awesome smoothie! AKA: milkshake for the 4yr old!
Love your blog. And would love to have a Vitamix. Our current blender hates us.
I thought I was the only one who shakes her blender… again you have made me realize all us moms are doing the same crazy things.
I have been dreaming of owning a Vitamix for SO. LONG. I would blend my nasty protein drinks that never get blended quite enough so there are always big chunks of ice and little pockets of protein powder that surprise me with their
awesometexture and flavor when they explode in my mouth.Oh and smoothies for my four year old. Because I love him and stuff.
We actually make “Starbucks” drinks from a blender. Vanilla bean ice cream with a few scoops of instant coffee…add caramel or chocolate. BAM! *drools*
I would make tons of green smoothies. You take 1/2 apple, 1 orange, 1/2 lemon, 1 banana, 2 huge cups of raw spinach, some ginger, and 2 cups of water. Blend it all together for a HUGE very drinkable green smoothie! My blender takes forever to get it smooth, so I’m sure a Vitamix would make it easier!
… and just when I thought I couldn’t love this blog any more. I get asked by my kids daily “What are you doing?”. Mommy is cursing at the blender, because I’m expecting my $25 blender to do things a $25 blender just. won’t. do. We’ve started on the Dr. Fuhrman program.. (Eat to Live books and such) and EVERYthing is blended. Everything. Soups (you’d be amazed the veggies you can make taste amazing with no salt, no sugar just by pureeing them), desserts (avocado chocolate pudding anyone?), blended salads (basically a smoothie with less fruit and more greens). Every meal involves moving some sort of pureed produce from the food processor, to the $25 blender, then to the little bullet style blender… just to get it ‘sorta’ smooth. I want a vitamix SOOOOOO bad!!! I’m talking that baby would save me hours in the kitchen a day. This eating healthy stuff is hard when you don’t have the right kitchen gear! Fingers, toes, everything crossed… I would sooooo love that baby like one of my own..
<3
I love vitamix! could really use some smoothies myself this summer too…hint hint…hey Vitamix, if I don’t win wanna send me one anyway? lol.
yay for non crappy giveaways!
Now I’m hungry….
Definitely smoothies! I would have loved this for baby food! I tried to make baby food in a smoothie maker for my son (now 15 months) and it was a very exhausting/frustrating experience!!!
I blend Greek yogurt, bananas, strawberries, a little vanilla extract and a few ice cubes. Little one loves it!
Well, I made a comment, but now I don’t see it – so I’m going to comment again b/c I don’t want to have entered without leaving a comment! Either way, carrot & orange is delish, and I have a lazy blender and TWO good for nothing juicers. : /
I wasn’t going to leave a post and then someone mentioned that you could blend and heat up soup with this thing. I need to blend and heat up soup all in one appliance. That is so cool.
Wow soup? I wouldn’t have guessed!
I love to do a vanilla protein powder with strawberry and banana or pineapple, strawberry, and coconut. Throw in some spinach too (can’t taste it, but oh so good for you)
Mermaid Sweat: apple, cucumber, greens, lemon, ginger!
Smoothies are awesome, I have one every day
Woo hoo!! You’re fabulous! Same thing in our kitchen. If I won this- bonus- wouldn’t have to pull kale out of my teeth all day!! Lucky for everyone else too. It’s a win, win!!
I feel like every blender I’ve ever owned has crapped out sooner than later when you try to use it to actually blend things. Sure, it works great if everything is already nearly in a liquid state from the start. I love smoothies for lunch as an alternative to salads so you can still get all your greens & fruits but I have to do the wiggle & shake with my blender to get the finished product. It ends up taking way longer than it should to make a smoothie. Favorite combo – spinach + almond milk + vanilla protein powder + frozen strawberries + frozen peaches.
I too have a jerk blender. I always buy stuff to make strawberry and banana smoothies for breakfast, thinking, next time it will go better. It never does. *tear*
Those things are magical!
My kids are obsessed with smoothies and I’m obsessed with trying new blenders (they all have sucked) I usually do ice, almond milk, Greek yogurt, banana, frozen berries, and spinach or kale. And sometimes flaxseed. I’d love a vitamix!
I’ll be totally honest & say I’d use the badass blender to make margaritas. The kids would get one smoothie, which they wouldn’t drink, so I’d get points for trying. The rest of the time- margaritas for mommy & daddy!
I would make an avacado raspberry smoothie recipe the way I’m supposed to make it, instead of the pretend way I make it in my food processor. The blender stays put in the cupboard. Using the food processor works much better, until I look at the sink full of 50 thousand pieces that need to be washed. I have to avoid ice cubes, which means I have to plan a day ahead for smoothies by ensuring my avacados are frozen as well as the raspberries (which I buy frozen.) But this is what I would make first.
I would blend everything and anything. I’d make salsa, and smoothies. I’d make spaghetti sauce. I’d make glorious food love.
I’d blend up some frozen bananas and make “banana ice cream.” Yummmm. But, my current blender is a wimp.
Banana ice cream is the food which banned my blender to the cupboard for good, and turned my food processor into a smoothie/ice cream maker. You still have to add a little milk though, which sucks for consistency.
I’ve never had a goob blender… I’d be making mango lassi, ice cream, frostings, and of course…SMOOTHIES!
Love your blog! Mostly I blend up veggies and fruits in whatever combination promises my kids will eat them!
We bought a vitamix for “juicing” but ended up taking it back to get a real juicer. But I miss my blender so much!! I want it back!! Not to mention, did you know you can make butter in a blender? Yeah!
I love your blog! I tell everyone to read it! I hear that you can blend spinach with fruit and you can’t even taste it!!!How can that be true?! I think I would have to try that!
Plain Greek yogurt, banana, various other fruits, spinach or kale, and some almond milk. And flax. Yummmm!
I love to blend but hate my blender
All three of my kids love smoothies but they take *forever* to make. I would also love this blender to make different veggie mush to hide in meals 
Blueberries. I would blend blueberries, and more blueberries. That’s all I craved when I was pregnant, and now my son looves them!
I, too, dream of a blender that doesn’t suck.
I would die for a vitamix
Love your blog and I just finished your book.
I love your blog. I never post. But for a Vitamix?? Hells, yes.
*Squeal!* OMG I would LOVE a sexy blender for smoothies- all 3 of ours suck!
I would make a smoothie for my son and a frozen adult beverage for myself. And i would call it mommy’s special smoothie;)
I would blend fruit smoothies, sneaking in some vegetables to get a few down my picky eater and to use up odds and ends in the refrigerator.
I have wanted a Vitamix forever!! Like most of us! Lol the Vitamix is great for smoothies, but you can also use it to grind coffee beans, flax seeds, chia, soups, etc.. I would be the blend master for sure
Ooo I could blend a lot of healthy smoothies with that which is something I need to start doing anyway. I really would make HEALTHY smoothies and not mega chocolate milk shakes with chocolate chips in them.
I cannot tell you how many blenders my hubby has gone through making shakes (he’s a triathlete and a weight loss surgery patient so he makes protein shakes all the time) in the past two years alone! We have gotten to the point that we just buy the cheap $15 blender from Target, that way when it dies we didn’t lose too much money because of it!
Your blog is great! I would use a new Vitamix to make banana “ice cream”–frozen bananas with a little liquid (milk, almond milk, whatever), and some nuts. Mine always poops out when I try to make it. Thank you for making me laugh!
<3 your blog!
I love your blog and would love to win!
We make green smoothies every morning. My kids can’t wake up without a green smoothie waiting for them!
I’d make soup, soup, and more soup. This is the only way to get veggies into my kid. Then I’d make more soup, and probably more soup after that. Hmmm, hope it arrives with a recipe booklet for other options.
Making baby food in a crappy blender is not fun…
I’d make all sorts of smoothies. My blender is crappy and I’ve been using an hand blender to make individual smoothies, but that gets tiring if I’m making a batch for the family.
I would blend veggies to hide from the family in our foods
My blender sucks too!!!
This morning I made a smoothie with Sweet Potato (cooked it was leftovers from last night), cinnamon, apple sauce, almond milk and oats. It was very good and filling
I would blend up a delicious vitamin packed smoothie for the kids!
Just curious…did your “Carrots, tomatoes, cucumbers, celery, spinach and beets” taste good? Or were your intentions not to create something tasty, but just to see magic happen before your eyes?
I’ve been wanting one of these to blend dates and nuts for homemade Lara bar recipes. Look into them! Cashews, dates and chocolate chips = nom nom nom
Every other morning I make my kids a smoothie with a banana, low-fat yogurt and some kind of frozen fruit. I would love to step it up a notch!
The idea of my kids eating their veggies in a smoothie almost makes me swoon!!
I have been thinking of a Vitamix for awhile. My problem, though, is that my current blender sorta works … so hubs doesn’t want to spend $$ on a new one, yet!
My blender is still technically working, but it smells like burnt rubber when I use it and my smoothies taste slightly off. The vitamix sounds awesome!
We have the same problems. In the 5 years I have had kids we have gone through maybe three blenders. They never seem to work well!
I LOVE your blog! My mother-in-law has one of these and they truly are amazing. I would love to use it to make baby food (i know, how boring, sorry) and smoothies for my ridiculously picky toddler.
My kids love smoothies too, and I’m forever mixing up “proprietary blends” of veggies to sneak on my ultra picky two year old. That way if he won’t eat the veggie in front of him, he’ll get some mixed in his meat balls, or spaghetti sauce or whatever else I manage to sneak it into. Since I too have a lazy blender it takes FOREVER!
Mostly fruit and yogurt smoothies for us.
I blew up my Magic Bullet Blender trying to crush ice!!!
Um, forget healthy smoothies I’d blend myself a damn MILKSHAKE!! My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard …
Adjusting to a new allergy free lifestyle is tough. Even more so when you learn how much you need a blender to make most of these things. And mine is a real a-hole. I need to win this. For real.
I love the personification of the blender! I know exactly what you mean about shaking the dumb blender to make it keep working…mine decides the blades can’t go through anything if I’m not shaking it awake!
Vitamixes are like the Dysons of the kitchen. You know you want one, but admitting it makes you feel kind of lame, like perhaps you need a hobby…
I would make so much soup and dip that I would turn my house into a restaurant specializing in first courses.
I love your blog and am on a new healthy eating kick. My blender is also a jerk. I would make lots and lots of healthy smoothies. Pick me rafflecopter!
I would SO blend up some watercress, onion, potato, milk, vegetable stock and seasonings to make some YUMMY watercress soup (my specialty). My blender is “okay” but the last time I tried to make my watercress soup it left chunks and pieces of not-so-blended watercress… *sad face*
Amber, you’re the best. I usually make strawberry banana orange yogurt smoothies for my boys, but I’ve been known to sneak some kale, spinach and other veg in there. Pinterest is busting with smoothie ideas. You and your sexy new friend should check it out.
I love your blog, and I’d love to win a vitamix!
OMG I killed my daughter’s blender trying to make my own laundry detergent! Now I’ve got a freezer FULL of cut up bananas, berries, mangos, etc that will never be smoothified because dammit I am a blender murderer and need a quality, sexy blender to keep up with my freaky blending habits!! and I’m broke
I am sooo envious. Those things are amazing. I don’t have a blender because my experience with them has been aweful, but I really would like to have one.
Love your blogs but this one about the blenders is too funny. I love green smoothies so that would be the combos I would use in the Vitamix if I were to win it. Right now my one of my favorites is: 2 cups spinach, fresh,1 1/2 cups almond milk, unsweetened, 1/2 cup water, 3 cups pineapple, fresh,2 tablespoons coconut flakes, unsweetened. The only thing missing is the beach to drink it on!!
Ooh! I think Vitamixes are sexy too! I would put EVERYTHING in one…fruit, veggies, nuts…I heard you can even make ice cream!!!!
I would totes make a piña colada WITH an umbrella straw!
I would love to make some green smoothie with it!
I would love this. My kids love smoothies too! (and my sisters!) I had all the ingredients for them last month and went to make them, but couldn’t find a blender anywhere! My mother supposedly has two, but that means PIECES two two different machines that don’t fit together. I had to borrow a bullet from my father in law, which was nice but not good AT ALL size wise. They came out incredibly thick and weird! hahaha
My 21 mo old looooooves smoothies. He can’t talk much yet…but everyday he pulls me by the hand to the kitchen, points to the blender on the counter crying “mee mee” until I make him one.
I blend up trees and shrubs for some real roughage. Ok no I don’t but I bet the Vitamix could if I wanted it to.
I also have a blender that I have to coax and persuade to work. I’m not sure why I keep it. I also have a Vitamix that is some older version and that I also got for free so if I win THIS one I will give away my current one! Feel the ripple effect of Vitamix love!
I like to blend fruits up to make fruit roll ups with out all the crap preservative whatever else in them. Like 3 apples, and a small handful of strawberries, squeeze of lemon or like, the end.
Wellllll.. I’ve never won a single thing in my life, but I figure it’s worth a shot!! I’m trying to lose some weight, so I’ve started drinking a lot of shakes. My son loves them too! My blender is awful, and I’ve been eyeing the vitamix for about a year now, lol. So here’s my comment.
Thanks for all the funny stories.
I love smoothies too! My favorite way to use a blender is to make milk shakes.
My family would love this! My son loves smoothies but I rarely make them because I have a crappy hand held blender. I am to cheap to buy a bigger blender because I know it will just crap out on us in a few months…A Vitamix would be perfect!
I like making soups in the winter with my current crappy blender. Pumpkin and soup and a bean soup have both been winners so far. Not to mention split pea.
Oh, I want the blender. Please, please, I want the blender. And here’s what I’ll blend in it. If you don’t know Thug Kitchen yet, you totally should.
My coworkers (mostly young men) are all into juice diets. You have no idea the street cred I’d get from this!
I think we’ve been through a blender a year in the 12 years we’ve been married. In the early years, we tried to make frozen alcoholic concoctions….and then we discovered wine….soooo much easier!!! Now, I use mine to make baby food and crepes….and milkshakes and smoothies!
I want a sexy blender! We have buckets of frozen berries in our fridge just waiting to be blended.
We drink our veggies here! My favorite is an apple pie smoothie with soy milk, fresh ginger, apple, avocado and spinach. Add cinnamon and vanilla for flavor!
i want a vitamix!! that would be awesome!
Love your blog and book! I would blend up lots of fruity adult drinks
Your blog is the best! I read it every time it pops up with a new post! I also secretly adore the traffic I get on my own sad little blog from posting here!
I would totally try to replicate all of the Jamba Juice smoothies if I had a blender!
I waaaaaant one! Chocolate shakes are my favorite thing to blend up, so that would probably be the first thing I’d try!
Whatever fruit I have around and I try to sneak some veggies in there to hide it from the kiddos. I love reading everything you write!
I need to win this!!! My nutriblast is dying a slow very loud death.
Also, I love your blog, hilarious, always makes me smile.
The hardest I have laughed in DAYS!!! Sexy Butt Plug Blender… wha? He even had a sexy strong dude voice and a grunted when he crushed those veggies for you… oh the powerful mind!!
I’ve never commented on here, but I’ve been an avid reader for awhile now, absolutely adored your book. I’ve got quite the Mommy crush on you (in the least creepy way possible!) and totes would be your best friend
Huh, here I was thinking I just bought crappy blenders all the time.
My blender is a jerk…It doesn’t even want to blend the spinach I put in my strawberry banana smoothies even after “liquifying” it for 5 minutes. Whips up homemade mayo nicely though.
I would blend up frozen margaritas and stuff to put in Zoku pops!
Mmmmm…. Kiwi (with the peel on, I’ve heard it’s great for you, but yuck if not blended!), and LOTS of mint, apple and kale. Yummm!
Everything. I would blend EVERYTHING if I had a vitamix blender.
So you’re telling me a new blender won’t solve my smoothie issues? Unless it’s a Vitamix? well, then sign me up!
I have an ice shaver – which works fairly well – and two blenders, which do not. I bought the first one in college and the main criteria was price, so I couldn’t expect too much. The second belnder was rated a Best Buy by Consumer Reports and I ordered it online and paid shipping. Still not happy. Would love a Vitamix!
So excited! I have always wanted a Vitamix…you are right-they are the luxury cars of the kitchen. I would blend anything I could get my hands on! I also have a totally crappy blender!
My blender is cool because its orange and matches my kitchen, but if I had a Vitamix, I’m pretty sure it would make me it’s bitch. I would so blend stuff every day. Positive.
I was wondering why our blenders just give up. We’ve been through a Magic Bullet, and an Oster blender with the glass container. They just quit working, after a month or so of 1 smoothie per work day. SO not worth it!
I would go nuts for one of these
Smoothies are my favorite!! And I hate the chains that like to take my $12 for 16oz of greatness that I could have made myself.
Ah, the Vitamix…who doesn’t covet this thing?!? Glad you’re having fun with yours! Hope I win!!!!
Love your blog!! Have wanted a Vitamix forever, but just can’t afford (or justify) the price!!
So… I would probably only blend milkshakes, because that’s really what a blender is for, but my husband would use it to make uber-healthy spinach banana peanut butter smoothies or something like that. And even though it doesn’t have Jack LaLanne’s signature on it, he would be in seventh heaven if we won this. Talk about best Father’s Day gift ever!!!!
LOVE your stories. Having three ‘crappy’ children of my own, I can totally relate to them. My kids also love when I make smoothies! Super simple, too: any flavor yogurt and 1-3 different fresh fruits or berries:-). We don’t even add ice.
I would blend ALL THE THINGS with this blender. Seriously, I love smoothies, but my blender is a lazy jerk too. I love making Mango Banana smoothies, and Strawberry Banana. Berry blend Banana, Strawberry Mango, etc. I don’t put ice in my blender, but use frozen fruit, which sucks more. Vanilla yogurt, frozen fruit, and fresh fruit. Yummy smoothies of awesomeness! Also, I have seen recipes for kale and fruit smoothies but I’m a little squeamish on the idea…
My favorite thing to blend is the Classic Green Monster from OhSheGlows.com!! Almond milk, frozen banana, almond butter, spinach, chia seeds, ice & occasionally protein powder
Delicious!
I love your blog!
For the record, I would make something alcoholic with the Vitamix. Maybe a daiquiri? Margarita? Summer is coming!
Ahhhh! I have a blender from Goodwill because mine died and our budget was Goodwill-level. It can’t blend pre-blended things. I would sooooo love this.
My family loves blended juices (or smoothies, but my husband likes to call it juice for some reason, so we comprimized and call the BLENDED juices, because they are really not juice.) We put all kinds of fruit and milk, ice cream or yogurt, or all three… Sometimes we put chocolate chips or peanut butter. I made a peanut butter banana smoothie with ice cream once, and it was sooo good! Also, I make my own refried beans and blend them in the blender since we don’t have a food processor.
I have an ice shaver – which works fairly well – and two blenders, which do not. I bought the first one in college and the main criteria was price, so I couldn’t expect too much. The second blender was rated a Best Buy by Consumer Reports and I ordered it online and paid shipping. Still not happy. Would love a Vitamix!
Why, MARGARITAS, of course.
I would blend apples and lemons. My friend would make apple lemonade in hers and it was delicious
OMG I know the feeling! Your stories are hilarious! I follow you on FB and read your blog… the only blog I ever read!
I would blend cookie dough just because I could.
My blender sucks too. I have to pre-crush the ice before I put it in
but I like to put spinach and flax seed in my fruit smoothies. You can’t even taste it ! 
I would make smoothies for the kids. Throw in a bunch of veggies and they will never know what they were eating:)
Kale, strawberries, carrots and apple. Yum.
Not only would this totally change my smoothie game, but the satisfaction of throwing out my old jerk of a blender would just make my year.
I’d make milkshakes. For sure. Chocolate banana ones.
Yes please.
Your blog is hilarious! And my blender is a terrible as your old one! I would love a Vitamix!
My @sshole blender committed suicide when it **mysteriously** fell over into my sink. I have a freezer full of frozen bananas awaiting a non-jerky blender! And if you can get frozen mango, it’s the ultimate treat in just about any smoothie. Enjoy your sexy blender!
Long time reader, first time commenter! Love your work
WOW! Thanks for the funny reality of bad blenders!!!
I found your blog recently and am a big fan. Thing 1 and Thing 2 (my 6&4 yr old) are definitely on the crappy siblings wavelength. I posted the Mother’s Day wish list on my FB and pointed it out to my husband and….got it all! Happy Vitamixing!
Every time I see one I drool. Especially when they do the demos and within 5 minutes they have made soup, ice cream, smoothie, and have cleaned the whole thing!
I love my VitaMix. Our favorite is a chocolate “milkshake” with frozen banana and unsweetened cocoa powder, chia seeds, sneak in the spinach, milk of choice, ice, and a handful of almonds…enjoy!
You make me feel like a normal parent whenever I get down on myself. You rock!
Best thing to blend? Chocolate ice cream and a little bit of milk. Milkshakes are the best. Pretty good if you have chocolate milk on hand, too!
That is soooooo awesome! ….. and so unselfish of you, Crappy Mama! Wish I win this giveaway! Crappy Mama and Vitamix rock!
Love your blog!
I have a magic bullet. Not the vibrator, the miniature blender. It does alright, but has nothing on the sexiness of the Vitamix. Even with a name like “Magic Bullet” it’s not as hot. Upgrade me from the sex-toy sounding blender to the REAL DEAL! Please?
I’d blend up some milkshakes, some iced drinks (boozy and nonboozy) for this summer. If I could shred cheese with the thing I would.
I threw my sucky ass blender away, after I blenderslammed it a few times in the yard. I’m blenderless, need Vitamix!
I’m pretty sure I would pretend to make things that are healthy but really make frappes all the time.
I would blend yogurt (generally vanilla) and all kinds of fruits. Also: Vanilla yogurt + chocolate + crunchy peanut butter = IN MY MOUF.
My go to smoothie is banana, peanut butter, almond milk and spinach. You can not taste the spinach at all but it does make the smoothie green. My 2 yr old doesn’t care about the color….yet lol! Oh and I am so super jealous you got a vitamix…if I win, I promise to make the world a smoothier place
One of my favorite dahl recipes came from Vitamix. Thanks for sharing the wealth.
I just started being a healthy product consultant, and I would love this vitamax to make healthy food for my family too! I hope I win!! thanks!!!
I would make lots of green smoothies (you really can’t taste the spinach in them when there’s lots of fruit! – no, really!) Also you can whip up mayonnaise or aoli pretty easily too, and blend soups. I have blender envy!
Most blenders can’t handle making hummus. You should try to make it with this one!
My green smoothies! my blender sucks also and always leaves vegetable chunks in my green smoothies. gag. :/
Very familiar story!
My kids love a blend of ice, chocolate milk, and banana!
I’d be all about the green smoothies. Hubby needs to lose weight, and soon as this baby is here, I’ll be starting, too!
I would totally blend up veggies in smoothies ninja style to give to my kids!
Your blog is hilarious! And my blender is as terrible as your old one! I would love a Vitamix!
I was an idiot recently and left my food processor lid on the stove. I turned on the wrong burner (new stove and the nobs are backward to my old stove) and melted my lid.
This blender would make it all better. 
I love to blueberries and spinach in everything.
Salsa! Hummus! Spinach and berry smoothies! Dutch Pancake batter! Ohhhh! The possibilities!
Boo to only US addresses! I want one! If I helped with the shipping cost, would you send it to me in Canada?!
Your blog keeps me sane and laughing at 2am when my 2yr old thinks its perfectly acceptable to wake up and want to watch cartoons.
p.s. energy smoothies would help so much in those situations!
Why yes, I would love a new blender!
green smoothies. I’ve been wanting to make them for my little guy. He would love them! But alas, no blender.
I’m pretty jealous of your fancy new blender. I also have a lazy blender. My solution to this problem has been to not blend anything for the last 10 years.
I would kill for a vitamix!
Dammit. I live in the Great White North. Well actually it’s green at the moment. But Great Green North sounds stupid. But I WOULD PAY the shipping if I win. Really I would! I looove smoothies..but only from sexy blenders, not asshole ones!
I would blend up some fruits and concoct some yummy ice cream in my ice cream maker. I LOVE sexy kitchen appliances!
This would be awsome!
I So Love Your Blog You Hillarious Take On Everyday Life Makes Me DaY A Little Brighter
I just read about a cheese fondue in one of the comments. *raises hand* Me, please.
Eeee, my mom’s been scouring the internet for used Vitamix’s lately! She’s the biggest juicer/smoothie maker, and because of her diabetes she’s decided she needs the fiber of blended smoothies instead of juice. But our blender is made of suck. Thank you so much for allowing one of your fans to have it!
What wouldn’t I blend up? My blender is a jerk like yours, especially when I’m making up baby food. So that would probably be first. But then I’d go crazy with smoothies and soups and ice cream (frozen banana, peanut butter, cocoa- ever tried it? Amazing!)
Woohoo!! My mom has a vitamix (and had one from the 80′s for years) and I’m always so jealous when I have to go use my laimo Walmart blender.
And I’m doing a smoothie challenge that requires use of the lame blender EVER SINGLE MORNING. I have to do frozen fruit or ice, and what lazy ass blender wants to deal with that crap?
I have to have surgery in Sept. After that surgery I can only have liquids (smoothies count) for so many weeks and then pureed foods for another couple of weeks. This would be amazing to have!!
Green smoothies! With non frozen fruit because my crappy blender can’t handle it.
I am forever hating our blenders! Hubby was on a smoothie kick a few weeks ago and I about killed him with chunks in his smoothies :D.
Love your blog, and would love a Vitamix!
We are a hardcore smoothie family, or rather, everyone in my family except my husband LOVES smoothies. We’d blend up some great green smoothies full of spinach, strawberries, greek Yogurt, flax seed, and whatever else is in the house. YUM!
I would use it to make all kinds of smoothies! I have gastroparesis, so the list of foods I can eat is pretty limited. I do have a juicer that I use, but I have smoothie recipes that I can’t make because my Ninja won’t get rid of the seeds in things like strawberries. Crystal Saltrelli is a CHC with gastroparesis and she posts about the different things she uses her Vitamix for. I would love to have one.
I hate all blenders for the exact same reason. I would love to try a luxury blender!
I only ever used to own one blender, and that was for crafts, because I thought they all sucked. I do have a newer one that I use to also attempt to make smoothies but usually just ends up with some swearing and a burning hair smell. And we eat the partially blended chunks out of the jar with a spoon. I just tell my son that’s what a smoothie is and all those other people are just over doing it because they don’t know.
They don’t know how fun it is to find a lump! Or chunk. Like a birthday surprise in your smoothie. Every morning.
I would blend all sorts of things! I would make my own oat flour for baking, make smoothies bc my boy loves them (and he doesn’t even know he’s eating swiss chard!). Most importantly though would prob be the fruity drinks with an umbrella that would be made oh so delicious in the sexy blender!
what an awesome company to send you two! I too broke up with my blender after it refused to chop up my ice for a much needed margarita. Don’t they know the importance of a good chop?
Oh Vitamix, how I love you!
Love to blend up a frozen banana, ice, almond milk, raw cacao, raw protein powder, flax and udo’s 3/6/9 oil.
Chef husband “hates” Vitamix but he’s cranky and jaded. I would love to try it and see what he “hates” about it.
Hmmm, I would learn how to use a blender! What I dislike the most is cleaning the blender, which is why I never use mine. But yah, I would make lots of chocolate and banana smoothies.
I’ve been coveting those blenders too!
I need a vitamix! All the spoons I need to shove down there to make my pos actually blend would be so relieved! My kids and I love mango, pineapple, raspberries, blueberry, baby spinach, banana, almond milk, almond butter, and flax meal smoothies!
You started with “blender.” I was like “Bleh!” You said “Vitamix.” I was like “Yay.” Then you said “Free!” Saying “Double Yay!!!!” super loud here!!
Don’t you feel better now that you dumped that worthless POS?!
My blender is evil and enjoys spitting its contents onto the walls and ceiling. Especially if said contents are staining, like tomatoes.
I should say that I would blend healthy stuff, but what I really want is a margarita that doesn’t have chunks of ice in it.
You are so good at capturing life’s moments in writing! Thanks for sharing, and for sharing the extra blender – that’s nice too
Happy Food Allergy Awareness Week! A vitamix would be awesome for my food allergic kiddo! She has developed lots of food aversions and smoothies are the best way to round out her limited diet! She has Food Protein-Induced Enterocolitis Syndrome and vomits violently until she goes into shock. She has about 25 safe foods at age 4.
I love your blog & I’d love a vitamix!! I’ve been in love ever since i saw a demo.
My blender is a jerk, too. It leaves giant lumps that my kid promptly throws onto the floor. We’ve given up on smoothies lately..
I have a lazy blender I would love to kick to the curb!
I’ve wanted one of these since I fell in love with one that my BFF has. I’d like to make some great smoothies, since my current blender refuses to: Apples, berries, bananas, kale, carrots, who knows the combinations I could make with a Vitamix. One I’ve really wanted to try is banana, peanut butter, chocolate, and almond/coconut milk. It just sounds so good, but my blender sucks.
You make my day. I love the way you write. Anyone can relate, and you have the best humor on the internet.
SEXY blender… come to mama.
I’m not sure what I’d blend, but anything with fruit and/or ice cream sounds good to me! I’ll pass on the green stuff.
I would blend everything under the sun, just so I can tell my husband, “we can make that at home!” whenever he tries to sneak out for Jamba Juice or milkshakes or even soups and any other pureed, blended concoction peeps can think of nowadays.
OMG I would LOVE a sexy blender- all 3 of the ones we have suck! I would make smoothies for sure, and likely marinades for BBQ, milkshakes, mixed ‘adult’ drinks….
I love this site and your funny family.
I would love to win that blender because I am trying to get my family healthy and we like to do smoothies and I like hiding veggies in the pasta sauce.
LOVE your blog and would LOVE a Vitamix. I am one of those drooling fools every time the name is uttered. My 6 year old and I make smoothies (usually green smoothies) everyday. My current blender sounds like it’s a distant cousin of your old one. I would love to not have to pre chop everything so finely before putting it it! It would save lots of time and energy, but as a rule we single moms don’t buy $600 blenders. I buy thinks like a new furnace, ya know…fun stuff :/
I’d be a one of those green shake hippies with a shiny new vitamix!
I would make an apple lemonade smoothie!
You can pretty much blend everything with vodka. If you don’t drink vodka, substitute with ice cubes. The latter isn’t as much fun, but it makes a nice, cold smoothie.
Oh, awesome! I’d make smoothies. I have one of those crappy, regular blenders, and smoothie-making is not fun.
I too have experience with a lazy blender
First time commenter – love the blog!
OMG…the butt plug reference made me laugh so hard! I use a blender every morning for mine & my hubby’s green smoothie. It’s not the easiest thing to make smoothies with but it’s something that I feel is super important for my hubs & his MS.
Even though the blender isn’t a super awesome fancy one, it does get the job done…eventually. ** HALE TO THE KALE! **
I think I’d make tomato soup, and use it a lot for smoothies.
mmmm I would start blending lots of summer gazpachos like peach or watermelon! Yum!
Frozen margaritas for everyone!
Oooh-I’d blend up a mean frozen berry smoothie with the frozen fruit I buy with good intentions and no action.
I lust over these all the time! On the Internet and in the store it’s a little obscene lol! I would make smoothies, peanut butter, ice cream and be all secret agent and hide veggies so my husband would eat them without complaint!
I can’t even remember the last time I made a smoothie because of the evil blender! And even worse, I can’t make any of the yummy blended drinks that require an umbrella! Now that is a real tragedy.
That’s so awesome that you got those for free, just for mentioning it!
I blend up trees and shrubs for some real roughage. Ok no I don’t but I bet the Vitamix could if I wanted it to.
I also have a blender that I have to coax and persuade to work. I’m not sure why I keep it. I also have a Vitamix that is some older version and that I also got for free so if I win THIS one I will give away my current one! Feel the ripple effect of Vitamix love!
I like to blend fruits up to make fruit roll ups with out all the crap preservative whatever else in them. Like 3 apples, and a small handful of strawberries, squeeze of lemon or like, the end.
Happy Food Allergy Awareness Week! A vitamix would be awesome for my food allergic kiddo! She has developed lots of food aversions and smoothies are the best way to round out her limited diet! She has Food Protein-Induced Enterocolitis Syndrome and vomits violently and can go into shock. She has about 25 safe foods at age 4.
*DROOL* I have a jerk blender too. And it smells of blender B.O., aka melting rubber and lubricating oil. I have to make my own Almond milk and a VitaMix would allow me to do so sans raising my blood pressure in the process. PICK MEEEEE!
Hi Amber! How great of you to share your good luck! I hope you use yours to make your own hummus! Throw in cooked chickpeas–from a can if you like–and save the water from them, add garlic, tahini paste, a bit of salt, a bit of sesame or olive oil, sneak in some spinach, olives, or other goodies as you wish. Add the chickpea water while blending till it’s as smooth as you want it to be. Makes me hungry just thinking about it!
I want (NEED) this. Desperately. And you are funny, lady. Want to be my best friend?
Oh my gosh I would LOVE one of these! They can be used to make flour… I have Celiac’s disease & can’t eat gluten. I would use it to grind up rice & make rice flour… A staple in our house! And dreamsicle smoothies of course… That’s a must.
(vanilla ice cream, dash of vanilla, frozen OJ concentrate, OJ & milk.)
Vitamix are awesome, sure would make homemade baby food easier! No more lumps!
Well, I for sure wouldn’t blend worms OR cockroaches. Probably strawberries, mangoes, and pineapple. And maybe some spinach
I tried their tortilla soup at a home/garden show once. It was to die for. If the recipe is in the cookbook that came with your vitamix, you should def make that. Yes, make soup in your blender. lol and then make some ice cream for dessert.
I am currently living a blender-less life. My last blender cracked, thus leaving a lovely mess on my counter. I even tried that “Bullet” blender thing – that ended up in the trash too. When I am actually able to blend something, my favorite is chocolate ice cream, peanut butter and bananas. Adding some chocolate syrup makes it extra chocolatey and oh-so-yummy!
I’d blend up bananas, and any other fruit that doesn’t contain berries (allergic!) with either some yogurt, or vanilla ice cream. I LOOOOVE blended fruits to make smoothies.
My boys LOVE smoothies. I also HATE making smoothies because of my asshole blender. A vitamix may change my mind!!
A Vitamix could save me from my cupcake addiction OR I could make a cupcake smoothie!
I’m really craving a strawberry lemonade they sampled at a vitamix demo. a layer of grapes at the bottom, a handful of strawberries, a small lemon wedge, and a couple handfuls of ice. It was like juice! And soooo good!!
I’d like to think I’m really inventive… But I really just want to make a milkshake. Can’t go wrong with that. Yum.
these super fancy, nice blenders are the only ones that really work. thanks for sharing!!
Hmmm…I’d blend avacados, garlic, jalepeno, scallions and cilantro. Throw in a dash of lime juice and a touch of salt. Guac! (And, I’d drink my pineapple, oj, banana and rum drink with it! Yum!
Haa Haa! Love the butt plug vitamix comment! You always catch me off guard with your risque comments.
Keeps me coming back!
Ooo, I’d of course make smoothies for my kids, but what about Gazpacho soup for summer, or even all the garden veggies to make a marinara sauce for supper! Easy peasy
Dear Vitamix God- if I win this I swear I’ll eat more veggies!
Hummus sounds good. Make some hummus!
I still have the blender from my bridal registry soooo… I guess that makes it 12 years old. It stopped working approximately 11 years ago :/
LOVE your blog and would LOVE a Vitamix. I am one of those drooling fools every time the name is uttered. My 6 year old and I make smoothies (usually green smoothies) everyday. My current blender sounds like it’s a distant cousin of your old one. I would love to not have to pre chop everything so finely before putting it it! It would save lots of time and energy, but as a rule we single moms don’t buy $600 blenders. I buy things like a new furnace, ya know…fun stuff :/
I would blend up soups for my little old business. Delicious delicious soup!
Thanks for your crappiness!!
I have been thinking about a Vitamix for a LONG time, especially lately as I make baby food for my 8-month-old. The first think I’d probably blend (for him) in a Vitamix is one of my favorite stews, maybe with beef and potatoes, or perhaps a family recipe of Colombian beef stew.
Your blender and my blender are obviously in cahoots. Mine is a blender/food processor combo, and it was a wedding gift 12 years ago. It was great the first 7 years because I didn’t use it. Then I had babies and needed to make baby food and it really can’t be bothered. So I hope I win. Because I need to make baby food. You want them to eat, don’t you?
I totally understand your plight!
I like food
I love that you are giving away a blender almost as much as I love your blog!
I would be so sad without a blender. Hopefully the one I have doesn’t turn on me like the last one.
Oh my gosh! Smoothies would be at the top of my list too! That and garbanzo beans for falafel. And soup. And probably one hundred other things! My mind is coming up with all sorts of uses for a Vitamix now. How fantastic.
Ha! I also have a jerk blender.