How to Show Appreciation on Mother’s Day

Mother’s Day is coming. I’m a mother so I’m supposed to be honored and pampered and people are supposed to worship at my feet and stuff. More than usual, that is. 

Since my kids are young, much of this mother honoring stuff falls on the shoulders of my husband, Crappy Papa. I know this isn’t fair since I’m not his mother and all. So I make it easy on him by telling him exactly what I want.

Unfortunately, I have never gotten exactly what I want. There must be some miscommunication going on. 

I’m going to try to clear it up. 

There are tons of traditional Mother’s Day gift choices. The hardest thing is figuring out which one to pick:

mothersday4

Flowers? Jewelry? Candles? Chocolates? The answer is NONE OF THOSE.

(Notice I didn’t include artwork or cards from the kids. I’d be a jerk to say I didn’t want those. Of course I do. Those are a given. I’m only talking about the choices that are in my husband’s realm.)

Things like chocolate and flowers are fine and dandy. But they are totally unnecessary! 

No, those traditional gifts aren’t the very best way to show appreciation.

To uncover the best Mother’s Day gifts ever for a mother with young children, you have to take a look at her life.   

mothersday1

Mothers get up early. 

mothersday3

Mothers allow uninvited guests into their personal space. They are never alone. 

mothersday7

Mothers perfect the art of eating with only one hand. They also eat very fast. 

bathroom series1

Mothers even use the bathroom with the door open.

And so much more.  

Mothers of young children are amazing. They do all of these things! For free! Daily! 

So what will make mothers feel appreciated for all of those things that they do? 

To not have to do those things. Just for one day.  

mothersday6

Seriously. Just a day off. And it doesn’t even cost anything.* 

*Crappy Papa is convinced that he can’t afford it. Sigh. Maybe next year. 

——————-

In all seriousness now, I’m super grateful for all of you mothers who read this blog. I know there are a wide mix of parenting styles and backgrounds among us and yet everyone manages to be (mostly) nice to each other. The fact that we can laugh at ourselves rather that yell at each other makes us an awesome bunch. So thanks for hanging out here. I mean it.

So this being said, if you disagree with this post and what you really want is a pretty trinket… screw you! 

Teasing. If you are actually pining for precious gems that is totally okay. You must get more sleep than I do. Either that or you are smarter than I am and know that a “day off” is never actually going to happen. Might as well get something sparkly instead. If this is true, please remind my husband about those way too expensive CYDWOQ sandals that I’ve been drooling over for years. They aren’t sparkly but if I wore them I’d feel sparkly inside. Totally counts.  

One more thing! My own mom is the bestest ever. 

Happy Mother’s Day 

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309 Responses to How to Show Appreciation on Mother’s Day

  1. Maria says:

    Just so you know, you also have readers who are yet to reproduce. I’m married, no baby and not planning to have one anytime soon, but I luuuuuv your blog! Thanks for making me laugh (and warning me of things to come) – I will have to probably re-read all your posts once I get me a baby earthside.

    • TiAn says:

      Same here! I can’t wait to re-read all of these posts when I (fingers crossed) have my own wee ones. :)

      • Haha, silly me, I thought I would be the only childless follower ;). But in all seriousness, your blog definitely makes everything something to look forward to. Even the ‘can I just sell my child on eBay?’ moments.

        • Laura C. says:

          *raises hand* Another child-free follower here! Amber, your blog definitely appeals to a wider audience than you think! Happy Mama’s Day to you!

          • anon says:

            My uterus was just like, “kids?!, I wish! Let’s get some sperm up in here!” ;) But another no kids follower. We should… form a club… and talk about being baby hungry. :)

          • Sarah says:

            Hahaha, also childless- and also love you! Happy Mother’s Day!

      • Brenda Champagne says:

        I’m a grandmother now, but your stuff is as valid 40 years ago as it is today
        Lots and lots of improvement to the status of mother since the 1970′s, and that’s a wonderful thing.
        Children who are lucky to have fun and caring parents are a joy to be around. Mostly.

        But nearly every day i see something that makes me bite my silent scream.
        You have all seen it, screaming kicking children being dragged by the hand to the store exit.
        Shopping with children is a chore, but it can be made into a sport once the small ones start reading and doing simple arithmetic. Requires preparation and a smidgin of rah rah you can do grown up stuff easy peasy. And I trust you to pick a fresh date (read the label)on perishables.
        ALWAYS have a place to meed small ones set firmly in their sharp little brains. and keep an eye on them while you supervise the shopping, instead of doing all the lBu
        But, your ideas are the best suggestions ever. thanks

        • MamaJ says:

          Okay. Look. You’re trying to be helpful. So I shall take a deeeeep breath, and comment anyway.

          Do you think none of this ever entered our (exhausted, overworked, unsupported) tiny little brains? Get them invovled, why I never thought of that! Make them part of the team, no really!
          *I* am one who may be ushering out a small one who has flipped his lid. I *know* you all are standing there thinking about what I’m doing wrong, you criticize other mothers once they leave, I know you do it to me too.

          Sometimes. Kids. Just. Are. Kids.

          And moms…. if you can’t think anything nice, keep your face pointed away from her so she doesn’t see you weighing her and finding her wanting. Because seriously, it’s as plain as the sun in the sky when some woman is silently judging her sister.

          Dagnabbit.

          Happy Mother’s Day to the tantrumed at. The tired. The “Cramming 87 things into this day because we have one car and no family”.

          Happy Mother’s Day to us all. And rest assured, those of you who have to wrangle out your screaming kidlet, I *do* tell the snarky cashier who says nasty things after you leave to shut her mouth. Ahem.

          • I wish you had been with me in the store last week when a guy in his 50′s who I’m guessing never had kids was complaining about a kid who kept screeching about every 2 minutes. I was guessing based on the tone of the screech that the kid probably was autistic, and his poor mother was probably overwhelmed and just trying to get out of the overly-packed grocery store as fast as she could.

            This guy’s assessment? He missed the days when kids could be slapped on the face for screaming, he didn’t see why kids couldn’t be rigged up with shock collars like are used with dogs and invisible fences–just shock the kid each time he misbehaves, and he will quit misbehaving!

            I seriously wanted to say something to him, but couldn’t come up with something witty and biting enough. Now that I’m thinking about it, I guess a good response would have been “I guess your mother didn’t slap you in the face enough to keep you from making rude remarks when you were old enough to know better.”

          • Miranda says:

            The last time I had to drag a screaming hold out, a lovely old gentleman smiled at me and said “Keep up the good work! I know it’s hard but you’re doing the right thing!” And that’s just one of many examples of the kindness of the general population where I live. I love the rural South!

            I also love this blog!

        • pia says:

          what????

      • Kara H says:

        Count one more in!! And our plans for kids are a couple years down the road, but I used to keep toddlers. And I’ve been a pseudo-parent to my little sister; I know some of the begaviors… ;) Also, I’m aware that I don’t want to try being a mom too early. Am looking forward to them in the proper time. Love you and your blog, and I’ve been a follower almost as long as our marriage. (1 yr – June 4th!)

    • Leila says:

      Glad to know I’m not the only one without kids that’s reading this blog! I really do love it. It’s definitely shown me skillz I’ll need in the future!

      • Chelsie says:

        Another here, who has yet to reproduce…perhaps I’ll get knocked up this year :D, but I was a nanny for many years so I can still totally relate!!

    • Christie says:

      Same here! No kids but love this blog!

    • Jenni Bennett says:

      Engaged, no kids yet, and completely convinced I want to do cloth diapers when the time comes. Other moms say I’ll change my mind, but your sponsors make me think otherwise :)

      • Susan Boston says:

        Jenni, don’t listen to them! Cloth diapers are great! Something the sponsors don’t brag on: those suckers can hold in the blowouts! PKU they’re super cute, so bonus!

      • Paty says:

        Everyone told me the same thing when I wanted to cloth diaper and now my son is 18 months old and still in cloth! woo-hoo!

        • Jennifer Scogin says:

          People told me that too. I am a full-time working mom and we have cloth diapered since my son was 7 weeks old, he is now 2(plus a few months). Cloth Diapering was the best decision we ever made. We have never spent money on disposable diapers (except just recently our son’s swim lesson place requires one disposable swim diaper with a cloth swim diaper over – I tried to fight that one, but did not win. Oh Well…The biggest advice for anyone thinking about cloth diapering – just make the decision and do it full force from the beginning. If you say, “Well, I will just buy a couple and see how it goes” You will not be successful. You will just revert to using disposable because you are constantly running out or your cloth. and will end up just using the disposables. Every family member and friend that has done the “I will just buy a few and try it out” approach never succeeds. So, just jump right in an commit 100% and you will never regret it! You will find yourself snickering as people pay $40 for a case of diapers when you are behind them at the store – ok, maybe you wait till they leave (afterall, they are still a fellow mommy). – lol

      • Tonya says:

        I started cloth when my second was about 5.5mos old. She’s now 2.5yrs old and in cloth trainers. All the great dipes I bought for her were one-size and almost all gender neutral, so they’ve been used again with #3. He is now 10mos old and has been in cloth since birth. Yes, that means I have TWO in cloth at the same time. And it’s just fine! We calculated our totals and we’ve spent about $500, but saved over $1500 so far. We went with the cheaper dipes over the “name brands” and have had fantastic luck with them this whole time. So you don’t have to spend a fortune to get great quality. I say go for the cloth!

      • Tonya says:

        I started cloth when my second was about 5.5mos old. She’s now 2.5yrs old and in cloth trainers. All the great dipes I bought for her were one-size and almost all gender neutral, so they’ve been used again with #3. He is now 10mos old and has been in cloth since birth. Yes, that means I have TWO in cloth at the same time. And it’s just fine! We calculated our totals and we’ve spent about $500, but saved over $1500 so far. We went with the cheaper dipes over the “name brands” and have had fantastic luck with them this whole time. So you don’t have to spend a fortune to get great quality. Oh and like another poster said, cloth dipes seriously hold in poopsplosions in a way that disposables can only dream about! I say go for the cloth!

    • Rebecca says:

      Here’s another single lady! I check this blog at least every other day to see if there’s a new post. I LOVE it.

    • Corrigan says:

      Haha. So glad I’m not the only child-less follower.. was starting to think I was just weird.

    • Emily says:

      My kids have fur, four legs, and I think it’s amazing how much I can still relate to so many of your posts…..

    • Nyzer says:

      Heh, I’m a single guy with no intent to do any dating – or anything else – anywhere in the foreseeable future, and I still enjoy coming on here once in a while to read through these. So no, it’s not just moms that come here! :P

      It’s not just that the blog posts are funny (though they are), but that… I suppose I feel a certain level of curiosity?

      So yeah, I enjoy this site. It’s entertaining and even somewhat… erm… “cute”? I feel weird using that word to describe anything, heh.

      (And, yeah, I know this is some days late. I just read this post today, sorry :P)

  2. Jen says:

    I love, love, LOVE that bath picture with his little bare bum….. seriously you crack me up!!! And that is exactly what I want for Mother’s Day!

    • Tarina says:

      Ha!!! me too! and this ia 100% true in my house. The second they see mommy heading to the bathroom with a towel, all 3 of my “3 and unders” are butt naked ready to join me.

      • Carrie says:

        Mine too! Must be a kid thing. Mommy looks like she’s having a nice time, so let’s all go join her! I thought the bare bum was adorbs.

    • Allison says:

      I agree! I’ve never thought about it before, but this is exactly what a stick person’s butt would look like!

    • LeahM says:

      I totally agree. Cracked me up to see that little butt and “I go bath wif you.”

      • Mary says:

        I have to join the throng of people who just loved that little naked baby and his “I go bath wif you.” What awesome illustrations! And it totally captures the fact that there’s so much CUTENESS mixed in with the incredible relentlessness of young kids. Love this blog!

  3. slightlytilted says:

    Oh my goodness, best mother’s day gift idea ever!!!!!!!!!
    I am definitely sending this to my awesome amazing husband who seems to have the same difficulty as yours when it comes to gifts.

  4. Joanna says:

    Since I work out of the house full-time, I don’t crave as much alone time as I would if I could never pee or eat in peace. However, I told my hubby I want 2 hours at the mall by myself. I mean seriously, when is a person supposed to buy things with a 17 month old in tow? She refuses to stay in her stroller, and isn’t so interested is standing quietly by my side while I view my butt from mulitple angles in the fitting room. And, I am in desperate need to new duds!

    Love your blog as always!

    • amber says:

      I actually have three gift cards for clothing stores that I have not spent because of this very thing. I can not go shopping with the kids. I know some mothers can, but that is because they are way better than I am.

      • Sarah says:

        Shopping with the kids? Sure! But that’s how I ended up with clothes I don’t LOVE since I couldn’t try them on! Lol

        Love your blog! It makes the constantly nursing the 9 month old while my toddler wrecks havoc on my home days easier. :) Happy mothers day! Here’s hoping all of us moms get a break!

      • Lisa says:

        So that’s why you always wear that same purple dress. ;)

        I can’t buy clothes with my kids either. I made my husband take me to Old Navy for date night once. But then I had to shop really fast because he was sitting in the car waiting for me to finish.

      • Rosemary S says:

        Shopping with kids in tow can be a challenge for sure! I recall always having a current photo of each of them in my purse for identification of them. It seems that every once in a while one of them would start to scream or yell in a store and I would just have to leave with them…they would be yelling up a storm. I had “thought” that someone would want to check if they were really “my” kids but I guess everyone in the store was happy to see us leave! Yes, some days were like that. Most days were better though. Happy Mother’s Day to all.

    • Sue says:

      I remember when I took my two boys shopping for new jeans for me and had to take them into the dressing room. As I was doing the twist to see how they looked in the rear, my 5 year old cracked me up by telling me that my butt looked good in them! Of course, I had to get that pair!

  5. Maggie says:

    Thank you for the laughs, and happy Mother’s Day to you, too. xxxx

  6. Rachel says:

    I found out that my mother’s day/birthday gift (why buy 2 gifts when you can combine?) is getting my car detailed. My 12 year old asked my hubby why he didn’t pay for a massage or flowers or ‘something girly’. At least they’ll get all those stale french fries out of the back seat!

    • Snarky Mom says:

      I was promised this last Mother’s Day, and birthday, and Christmas, and Valantine’s day….. Hmmm I wonder why I still believe it will happen. A crumb-free van and some kid-free time, is that really so much to ask?

    • Ellie says:

      My sweetie still hasnt gotten me a birthday present, so I am hoping he is just saving for a phenomenal “first” mothers day present. Not always the best when your birthday and mothers day are so close.

      • Teresa says:

        I have my birthday, Mother’s Day and my wedding anniversary all in May. I get one gift…my “May” gift and if I’m lucky a nice dinner out. My hubby’s B-day is right after Christmas, and he expects separate gifts. Doesn’t matter if he gets the new Ipad for Christmas, he “needs” accessories for his birthday.

      • Colleen says:

        My anniversary is the 10th, my birthday is the 11th, and Mother’s Day usually around then. I really just want a day at the beach, just us as a family. It doesn’t always happen, but this year it did! I also got lilies for our anniversary! And a ‘surprise’ tomorrow and that could be really good or really bad, we’ll see….LOL.

  7. Katie B says:

    “Mama, the sun is up.” Oh my god, my son says the exact same thing! :) You nailed what I want. Great post.

    • Gabrielle says:

      My 5yo daughter says it, too. “Mama, mama, the sun’s up! The sun’s up!” So, when hubby took her to Disneyland and they got a hotel room for the night, he woke her up the next morning by jumping on her bed and hollering, “The sun’s up, the sun’s up!” She pulled the blankets over her head and when back to sleep.

    • KalleyC says:

      omg, my daughter is the same way (and sleeps the same way too). As soon as the sun is up, that is all I hear. All great gift ideas for Mother’s Day.

      • JGo555 says:

        I just put my 2 & 1 year old in their “big kid” beds. It’s been horrible trying to get them to go to sleep in them without me taking them off the dresser, INSIDE the dresser & I’ve given up on them taking the insides of the drawers out. I’ve also taken every single smearing thing they could make a mess out & blocked their closet closed with the girl’s bed.

        I know I’m not gonna get sleep in the day but I’m ok since it’s summer & the snow’s finally gone & we LOVE gardening in this house. They’ll make sure we have enough time to maintain the garden & waterfall/pond with fish we have in the back by waking us up.

        It’s the nights & nap times I dread.

    • Enid says:

      We got a clock that changes color (yellow at night to green when it’s okay to get up, at a preset time)… which is helpful, but now she says, “Mama, my clock isn’t green yet!”

      • Angel says:

        I seriously just lol-ed on that 1!!! A clock that changes color when it’s ok for them to wake U up!!!! Lmao!!! I HAVE to get 1 of these for the future. :)) great post as always!! Happy mothers day, all!!!

      • Paige says:

        where did you find this clock?!?! I need one!!!!!

    • Amanda B says:

      Haha! That is exactly how my 3 year old wakes us up. “Time to wake up! The sun is up!” He even goes and opens the curtains and says “See”, just in case we don’t believe him. It makes me laugh.

    • Elizabeth says:

      I wish my 3yo would wait for the sun. I hear her yell, “Good morning, sister!” to the 2yo, the crash of the baby gate as they climb over, and shortly after, “…Mama? The birds are waked up outside. We want food.” And the commotion of the baby gate crash woke up their little brother. Three kids in three years has been hard, but they’re a riot.

      • Jespren says:

        Oh boy, yes. My 3 year old wakes up well before sun up. And I haven’t yet decided which is worse, the pre-dawn wake up or the immediate begging for food. I leave a bag of cereal in a lower cabnet, if he wants food before breakfast, which I am just not cooking prior to 6am, he can snack on his cereal! My 2 year old used to sleep through it, but the last few weeks they’ve been getting up together, which doesn’t work very well since my daughter is most definately not a morning person and would sleep in til 8 if left alone. New babe on the way so we’ll see how the 3rd one takes it!

  8. MamaBella says:

    Oh my goodness yes and it doesn’t stop after the toddler year’s either! Last Mothers Day I asked for half an hour to be able to take a bath. On my own. No-one asking for stuff. No-one asking to get in with me. Bliss!

  9. Stephanie says:

    Amen! And might I add this: What I want most for Mother’s Day is one morning, just ONE, where I do not have to get anyone else out of bed, dressed, or fed. I do not know what I would do with all that extra time. Maybe enjoy my coffee instead of scarfing it down in the van?

    • Tarina says:

      Oh lordy me too!! Even on days my husband “helps out” getting the 3 year old ready for school, he seems to be unable to locate both shoes, socks that fit (“I can put the 18 month old girls’ socks on the 3 year old boy, right? Noone will notice.”) god forbid the kid needs a coat, and making sure the backpack has the essential folders/diapers/homework is just…. Ive stopped asking him to get up with the kids on school days lol.

  10. RR says:

    Love it!

  11. Jessica B. says:

    This is exactly what I want! Sharing with my husband!

  12. Meghan says:

    You are totally correct on this.
    Also- The drawing of crappy baby climbing into the bath? Cracks me up. Turns out even drawings of baby butts are adorable.

  13. Jill says:

    Yes, this is exactly what I want and won’t ever get, thanks for all the laughs! Never stop writing!

  14. Sara says:

    Happy Mothers day! I love this post and love your blog, makes my day.

  15. Melanie G says:

    love it! i hope your mother’s day leaves you feeling sparkly inside :-)

  16. ginny says:

    don’t forget to have the house cleaned by professionals while you are enjoying your day off!! last year for my birthday (in order to make up forgetting Mother’s Day and my birthday the year before, ahem…) the hubby sent me off to get a mani/pedi and lunch with a good book (!). while i was gone, he had a local maid service come in and deep clean the kitchen and the bathrooms! woot!!

  17. sarah freeman says:

    to eat with two hands! yay! I also loved the foot in the face in bed. Yay for being a mum. :-) and the open toilet door :-) I give my husband days away from us. He’s not very good at receiving them yet. And he gives them too. They are great. But you can feel a bit lost for awhile. Bit like a yacht with no wind or rudder. And apparently research has confirmed what you say…most women given a choice of ANYTHING, would choose sleep….aaahhh

  18. liz says:

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE Cydwoq shoes! They are expensive but totally worth it, they will last you forever and are so comfortable. Happy mother’s day!

    • amber says:

      I’ve heard that from everyone who owns one. Perhaps one day a mere mortal like me will also own a pair.

      • Kinga B says:

        Amber…hello?!?
        NON-CRAPPY SPONSOR!!!
        You should totally “approach” them. And test their product first. :)
        Happy Mother’s Day!

  19. Jamie says:

    Mama? The sun is up made me lol! My 3 year old says that every damn morning!

    • nopinkhere says:

      My 2yo comes in every morning “Mama! Wake up! Sunny day!” . . . even when it’s raining.
      Thankfully my 6yo often crawls in bed with her, so that means she comes in at 6:45am instead of 6:20am most mornings. I try to remember to thank him for that extra 20 minutes or so of sleep.
      Thank you for a good laugh!

  20. debbie says:

    That sounds like a lovely day!

  21. Miriam says:

    if I got fancy jewelry, I’d sell it and pay a babysitter for a whole day!

  22. carrie jen says:

    The sun is up! I hear that every morning too. Sounds like the PERFECT day. I don’t think it will ever happen so I’m rooting for sandals for ya. I’m with you, I would choose sleep over anything!

  23. Enid says:

    I asked for my husband to take my car for a car wash (sans baby seat) and an oil change. He said, “Well, I’ll pay for it,” totally missing the point. Time is my lack, not money.

    And those shoes! How have they not been part of my life! They fit the aesthetic I aspire to. *wipes drool off face*

  24. Karen says:

    Yes, just yes. I will send this link to my husband.

  25. fabialous says:

    does crappy papa read this blog? if so, you might get half an hour or so by yourself :)
    happy every other day to you! ;)

  26. Robonanny says:

    I can imagine Crappy Papa telling the boys that you need to do all those things – and then you’d get _double_ the interruptions while they check out that you still love them and want them around… bless!

    I was supposedly having a sleep in on Mothering Sunday while my 5 yo “helped” Daddy prepare me breakfast in bed… so I was woken by my son coming into my room to find out what I wanted on my toast. Sigh. That’s ok though, I’ve booked his 6th birthday party on Father’s Day so his Daddy’ll need to get up early to entertain him while I prepare party food ;-)

    BTW, no book, candles and glass of wine in your “bathe by myself” pic?

    • Shelley West says:

      Love the father’s day idea. My son’s bday falls around Father’s day, so not a bad idea.

    • amber says:

      No, I’ve lost hope on the candles and glass of wine while bathing so I don’t even bother to draw my fantasies accurately anymore. lol

  27. Heather says:

    You didn’t draw a bottle of single-malt scotch – that’s what my 1-year-old got me last year. Mmmmm….

  28. Rasully says:

    This didnt happen for me on mothers day this year (UK) so I am being gifted similar for my birthday! A night out with BFF and staying at her house for the night… ahhhh bliss! Hope you have a great mothers day x

  29. BrittVM says:

    Oh yeah, I was totally reading your blog before I even had my baby- you are hilarious and it doesn’t matter if people can relate or not. However, I do think as my child grows- I can go back to your posts and laugh all over again and this time I’ll relate.

  30. Liz G says:

    I didn’t know about that shoe website. Now I do and it is awesome. Damn.

  31. Laurel says:

    This is totally what I asked for! My husbands response: “You don’t get to abandon your kids on mother’s day. It’s not about you.” BOO! Well hopefully he was listening when I asked for a massage!

  32. Emily says:

    This is how I describe it: The primary caregiver gets a break from caregiving during her (or his!) “day.” You can do stuff as a family (especially if that stuff involves pancakes and mimosas not made by said primary caregiver), but mostly that person just needs a break from the hard stuff. The secondary caregiver does not get a break from the kids on his (or her!) “day.” He gets to spend the day with family, doing family stuff. He can be exempted from chore-type stuff, but as I told my husband, “No, you can’t go golfing for Father’s Day.”

  33. Anne says:

    Happy Mother’s Day! You are right on with your requests in my book!

  34. Lisa Lutes says:

    I don’t think my body would be able to sleep in at this point even if I tried. I request empty house afternoons to nap and solo grocery store trips. Going to costco alone is like a luxury vacation, I stop and eat every sample. You really should do a post on grocery shopping with toddlers…

  35. Suzanne says:

    That is the one thing that I want every year and never get. My special gift this year is the Mother’s Day weekend stuck with the kids from early morning till late at night all on my own. Yeah!!

    I wish I could go on strike on Mother’s Day……

  36. Kate says:

    I could not have said it better myself! I have asked for one thing and one thing only for every birthday, anniversary, valentines, etc: A NAP! My husband laughs when I say that and says, “haha, so what do you really want?” why doesn’t he believe me?!?
    http://www.thealldaymom.blogspot.com

  37. Stephanie says:

    I don’t have kids, but for mother’s day I am hoping for two little pink bars on that test!

  38. Katy says:

    Love it! I will add that I do NOT want to clean anything that ONE day…..that means no dishes, laundry, faces or butts! Oh and I also don’t want to cook.

  39. Shelley West says:

    Yes, perfect! I will send this to my husband. He claims he has the perfect gift for me, but he doesn’t realize that what I want doesn’t come wrapped.

  40. Leigh says:

    Loved this post. A day off is what I asked for, and actually got, for my birthday. A whole day at home alone. And the house had been tidied the day before so there was no “I should really clean this messy house instead of lounging around doing nothing’ guilty feeling. IT. WAS. AWESOME!

  41. Kim says:

    I wouldn’t have believed it, but crappy drawing baby butts are almost as cute as REAL baby butts!

  42. Martha says:

    I told my husband this exact thing, and he looked confused. He was like- So for Mother’s Day, you don’t want to be a mother? EXACTLY! I do not want to wipe anyone’s butt or feed anyone or clean up after anyone for one day only!

  43. Martha says:

    PS- I am going to show him this post as soon as he gets home :) Maybe he will get it.

  44. Betsy says:

    My husband and I took our first kid-free vacation since our first was born eight years ago (thanks to my own awesome mom). It was a romantic couples-only resort on St Lucia. We went on excursions and hubby surprised me with a romantic candle-light dinner on the beach and a necklace in a light blue box. But the best part? The sleep. Sleeping in was great, but the naps… oh the naps. Not the “I’m-so-exhausted-that-I’ll-settle-for-one-eye-closed-while-the-toddler-writes-on-the-wall” nap. I’m talking “lost-to-the-world-sleep-for-two-hours-before-dinner” nap. I even napped in a hammock blowing in the ocean breeze. It’s now my happy place when it all goes wonky in my real life.

    • Kris says:

      That is awesome. So happy for you.

    • Jennifer Scogin says:

      I have decided hubby doesn’t get to go on my fantasy vacations anymore…he wakes up at 5am on his own and by 8am he says, “hey, hey, are you gonna sleep later then this?”…uh, I guess NOT since you woke me up!

      My hubby does let me sleep in (since he wakes up early on his own by 7:30 when my son wakes up he has had a good hour of watching TV and doing nothing) However, I usually can’t go back into a deep sleep because I am thinking, “oh, man he isn’t changing that nighttime diaper yet” or, “Is DH gonna throw this back in my face later that he did all the morning stuff while I “slept in”?” or, “dummy, why can’t you understand what DS is saying? It is so obvious!”

      We both work outside the home so in our house there is no “primary” caregiver, we both work the same hours, we both are just as tired when we get home.

  45. Tammy says:

    YES! This is exactly what I asked for each year! I say to my husband “You know you really should spend Mother’s Day with your mother. No, I don’t mind, I’ll manage. Why don’t you take the kids too?? Your mother would LOVE that!” Then when they leave I watch crappy reality shows or sappy movies and fall asleep on the couch. Then I get up and take a long shower all by myself and use up ALL the hot water. It’s the best!

  46. Carrie says:

    I got the unexpected gift of FOUR HOURS!!! to myself last weekend and it was divine. Happy Mother’s Day to you!

  47. Rebecca says:

    My Crappy Papa is letting me go with a gf to a Tulip Festival AND country club luncheon sans kids! woohoo! it will be lovely!

  48. All I know is someone asked me recently if I had anything special going on for Mother’s Day, and I said I didn’t think so, and then my daughter lit up and said, “Oh yes you do!” So now I’m scared.

  49. Amy says:

    I love the pic of the baby climbing in the bath tub. Even stick figure children have cute butts!

  50. Jen says:

    Love the bath picture! So so true. And yes…a day off is THE.PERFECT.GIFT…sadly, I’ve never received it. :(

  51. Wendy Irene says:

    LOL! I love the picture of the baby climbing in the bath. Happy Mother’s Day Amber!

  52. Jen says:

    …and I forgot to say that if I DO get an “alone time” alottment of an hour or two it looks ALOT like your Mommy nap time blog. :D

  53. Rachel says:

    Love the picture of you eating with two hands…..for some reason that cracked me up and gave me flashbacks from 7 years ago, pre kids. : )

  54. maggie says:

    Things I would love this Mothers day………….
    I would love to be able to eat from a all you can eat buffet without getting fat…

    Ask my 13 year old son just ONCE to unload the dishwasher and he actually does it.

    My 8 year old son just decides to clean his room, because he wants it tidy.

    My 3 year old girl to stay in her own bed all night, so I don’t have to balance on the edge of insanity….I mean….bed….

    My 14 month old girl to lay perfectly still whilst I change her stinky bottom…

    That would be fantastic if I could have the above…. :)

  55. Amazing summary bookmarked the site in interest to see more!

  56. im dying at the bath picture with that little butt! also, the foot in the face is my life. thanks for making me laugh so i dont cry! hehe and happy mother’s day!

  57. Shelli says:

    Ask my 6 year old what I want for my birthday? “Eemah wants to go to a hotel for a night, away from us!”

  58. grace h says:

    omigosh. those shoes are ahhhmazing. i need some. and also more cloth diapers.

  59. Karen says:

    So perfect!

  60. Jenny says:

    I absolutely love this post. So true!

  61. Kira L. says:

    You are so absolutely right, Amber! Happy Mother’s Day!

  62. Fritzy says:

    I love this and anyone who gets all up in arms about moms wanting a little break clearly doesn’t have kids.

  63. indigomum says:

    All I wanted for mothering day was extra sleep.

  64. Christina says:

    So accurate although those shoes would be an okay consoliation prize, no?

  65. Tia Wendel says:

    That little baby butt! So cute!

  66. Diana Press says:

    How is everything you write exactly what I’m thinking in my head?

  67. sara says:

    We do brunch each year. I’d rather sleep late too.

  68. Char says:

    All I want for M-day is extra sleep and to take a shower without anyone yelling for me.

  69. HH says:

    Happy mother’s day everyone!

  70. keisha says:

    This is fab, new to your site, happy mother’s day!

  71. Gena Miller says:

    Thank you for saying what nobody else will, I don’t want flowers I want a day off.

  72. Iris says:

    This is so spot on!

  73. craftyashley says:

    I was just talking about this with The Husband. All I want is to be left alone for an entire day; To not have to do any Actual Mothering on Mother’s Day.

    Sounds like heaven.

  74. Katherine says:

    Oh, I LOVE your “I go bath wif you!” picture. So cute, and SO true to life! The hopeful little leg, the scrabbling little foot on the end of the other … the little bum cheeks? HILARIOUS.

    Love your blog. It always makes me laugh out loud like a crazy person.

  75. Sone says:

    Omg I love the one about alone time. Now that I’m a single mom, I can never take a shower on my own without my 3 year old, who is a shower junky, running into the bathroom from where ever he is, stripping off his clothes and jumping into the shower, where he pushes me to the side so that he can get all the water to himself. I’m looking forward to moving in with his grandparents just so I can get some privacy again.

  76. Christy says:

    I just want a day when I don’t have to have to deal with someone else’s feces.

  77. Anne says:

    This made me laugh out loud. Like, for real. My husband asked me what I wanted for Mother’s Day and I told him, “a nap.” He said, “how about flowers instead?”

  78. Sara says:

    Totally hoping for ‘Audience Free’-time! That’s all I need. And to not have to do the dishes (because someone else is doing them, not because they are getting put off until tomorrow so I get double duty.)
    I said duty :D

  79. cathy says:

    My kids are “older” …

    A few years ago I asked for a family hike (kids were… maybe 5 & 8)… and I got it! This year the kids are imminently 10 and 13 and I’ve asked for a “family bike ride” (in the 20+mile kind of way, not the “to the local 7-11″ kind of way) and I’ve pointed out that the kids can help plan it. I honestly and thoroughly expect to get this gift… right after my sleep-in!!!!!!!!

  80. Ruth says:

    You read my mind. The blissful thought of getting up, looking after only me, AND going shopping on my own AND having th car valeted AND the house deep cleaned while I m gone. Oh take me Down to the paradise city!

  81. KC says:

    This post had me snickering the whole time. You got it spot on though, all I want is to do normal human functions all by myself. The eating scene is too funny. That’s me at every meal.

  82. NancyJ says:

    If no one knows you’d peed your pants from laughing so hard, does that mean it wasn’t funny!? These are the questions mothers with kids now in college indulge themselves in while still enjoying Parenting with Crappy Pictures!

  83. julianne says:

    Hilarious and true!! I’m on a plane headed to Vegas right now to get away from all that!! It doesn’t happen if I’m in the house. :-) Happy Mother’s Day! I love this blog.

  84. Lisa Lutes says:

    My husband has to take my daughter out to the park so I can take a bath, otherwise she wanders in, sees exposed breasts yells ‘a hongry!’ and I spent the rest of the bath with a pirrhana child leaned of the side of the tub nursing while I yell ‘help!’ to a husband who has taken his eye off her and isn’t listening because he’s watching random drum solos on youtube. Maybe for mother’s day I should ask for him to fix our bathroom door so it latches and locks.

  85. Nancy Lynne says:

    I am the mother of eight children, th youngest of whom is twenty. I still pee with the bathroom door open. And I remember the days of eating with one hand…
    My Dad once said to my Mom that she wasn’t his Mom, so he didn’t know what she thought he should do for her exactly. This was prior to the days when father’s watched their wives labor and deliver their children. My husband, while not adept at what to do, knows he’s supposed to DO something!

  86. Karen says:

    I love crappy baby’s peachy bum whilst climbing in the bath, baby bums are lovely :)
    I also love that you sleep in your purple dress, mothers don’t have time to change clothes…
    :D

  87. Marleen says:

    And THAT’s what I want for Mother’s day!

  88. ST says:

    * baby foot in face in the morning, yes
    * baby nekkid butt, so cute!
    * speed-eating, yes

    One of your best pictures. Thanks.

  89. Starle says:

    This is exactly what I do on mothers day. I sit in my chair, control the TV and surf the internet while drinking wine and eating chocolate! All DAY. I do not do a dish. I do not cook food. I do not play games or pack lunches. It is so refreshing to have a day off once a year! And thanks for reminding me that it is mother’s day in the US. Mothering Sunday is in March here and I don’t want to forget my mom this year!

  90. Jen says:

    lol. You got it. We actually have promised this very thing to each other – a fair swap – you get a day off for fathers day, I get a day off for mothers day.

    Unforunately, for our first year of parentdom and, it turns out, this year as well, we couldn’t do it. We each looked into the others’ exhausted face, and were overwhelmed by pity.

    doh. maybe in a few more years?…
    (it gets easier right? right??)

    • Jill says:

      Yes, it gets better. I promise. Mine is 7 now. I even have a husband who understands that I NEED naps to do things like cook dinner and do laundry. After the first few years of parenthood, it all got much easier.

  91. kathryn_f@yahoo.com says:

    So true to all of it!

    What I really want is for my husband TO BE MUM FOR THE DAY. That means:
    getting up at stupid o’clock
    wiping butts
    making food
    using the initiative and packing drinks/spare clothes/presents etc etc
    TAKING PHOTOS. He didn’t take any last year on m’day and when I mentioned it? “you didn’t ask me to”

    I did mention I would like the day alone but he seemed sincerely confused “why would you on mother’s day want time by myself?” aaggggghhhhh

    • Carol Gardens says:

      Yes!This can be a difficult concept for men and women;Mothers’ Day by yourself. Do not give up…explain how ‘not being needed for anything’ can seem like a vacation..better than diamonds for some of us! (And someday, you may walk into your child’s third grade open house to see what he has hung up on the classroom wall, a portrait of each parent with what they like to do, and under ‘My Mother Likes:’ you may be lucky enough to read ,”My mother likes to be alone.”)Happy Mother’s Day!

  92. Natalie says:

    I only asked for an hour to myself. You dream big and I applaud you for it.

  93. Krista says:

    What I asked for this Mother’s Day is “Hugs and Kisses”. When the kids get older, are less inclined to come into the bathroom with you, no longer think the sun rises and sets on you, and are so busy with their activities and friends, managing to squeeze a kiss out of a 7-year old boy is almost a miracle. Chocolate and diamonds are good too, but those are the responsibility of the dad, who always seems to be giving you more hugs and kisses than you are really interested in ;)

  94. Laura says:

    Awesome. I would love a day alone but since my youngest is very young and nursing, it ain’t gonna happen. So I spelled out very clearly what I wanted. as a result my husband now has an Etsy account.

  95. JGo555 says:

    This. This is exactly what I told the hub that I wanted. This is what I can’t get. He’s working that day, until 4pm too.
    So what did I do? I bought myself a stand mixer & I told him that I was going to go have dinner by myself. Just one meal. With no one to fetch them juice or water. No one to cut their meat for. No one to cool their meal. And the most important one: To eat a meal before it gets cold & to eat it FIRST, sitting down & that’s going to be completely finished.

    I’m going for sushi. I won’t let & they won’t eat sushi. The hub doesn’t like it (even though he likes smoked salmon) & it’s something I don’t do even once a month cause I eat so much of it I gross myself out for quite some time.

  96. The Kraken says:

    Great blog post, that. Who the hell wants a box of chocs when the alternatives are peeing alone and eating a meal while it’s still hot? Oh, to sit on the toilet in peace…

  97. I’ve asked to have a night off several times. My son is not a good sleeper, and until we recently realized that the kid was cold and needed pjs, I was basically sleep deprived for 19 months. (Since that realization, he’s had two weeks of fantastic sleep, and then two weeks of backsliding because he had a cold. It’s almost as if those two weeks of good sleep were a happy happy dream). For my birthday in February, I asked my hubs to take over for a night–and let me sleep in a hotel. He got me a massage, which is awesome, but not a night to myself. It’s probably just as well, since I would be too excited to sleep on my big night anyway.

  98. JGo555 says:

    Oh I forgot one last thing:

    Mother’s Day with your Mother In law, her sister & your husband’s family with the worst tasting Chinese food for “brunch” is NOT a good meal or a good present.

    And I DO like all of them.

  99. Steven Frank says:

    Just want to say you’re column doesn’t appeal just to moms. I’m a gay dad, and both my husband and I love what you have to say and marvel at how close your experiences are to our own, how much our kids behave like yours. As for what you wish for Mother’s Day, we both wish the same thing but don’t have anyone to give us those great gifts on either father’s or mother’s day!

    • Margaret says:

      How ’bout you guys split those two holidays and each gets one, and alternate years? Just an idea, but goodness knows you deserve the celebration just as much as us moms.

    • Carol Gardens says:

      Come on….you owe it to yourselves to cherish the work that you each contribute to parenting…celebrate each other on both days…and get the kids involved…they will love it! Happy Mothers’ and other Super-Duper Parents’ Day!

  100. KWKY says:

    I have been told repeatedly that “you’re my best mum in the world” hahahahaha, not “you’re the best mum in the world” – guess that’s a slightly too long sentence for a 3.5 year old.

    I tell her that I am her only mother in the world, she looks disappointed and I feel like a right old cow…

    My fantasy for Mothers Day is that somebody will book me into a hotel room for 24 hours where I get to spend 12 hours sleeping and the other 12 watching crappy TV and eating crap…then when I come home, children have been tucked into bed, laundry is folded, floors are vacuumed.

    Happy Mothers Day to all the mothers out there!!

  101. sara l says:

    Perfect.

    Last night I asked my husband for “a few extra hours of sleep on Sunday and to NOT be penalized for it for the rest of the day” as a gift. This may make me sound like a jerk but on the rare occasions when he does let me sleep in he spends the rest of the day doing absolutely NOTHING (which makes him sound like a jerk!) which negates the whole point. I have high hopes for this, my sixth mother’s day.

    Sara

  102. Brendan says:

    I don’t know for certain if there are others, but you have at least one regular reader who is a father :D Happy Mother’s Day!

  103. Kari says:

    I love this! Especially crappy baby climbing in the tub. :)
    I am a mom of a 7-month-old, and I already use the bathroom with the door open. And I’ve been wondering… how much longer will I have to do this?

    • Jennifer J says:

      I have six and my oldest is 31, youngest is 16. I still leave the bathroom door open. I have talked to grandmothers and great-grandmothers who do, as well. So quit wondering, and just resign yourself to it. Happy Mother’s Day!!

  104. I’ve dropped several not-so-subtle hints about wanting this damn house deep cleaned by a professional.

    Yesterday, he finally asked me what I want for Mother’s Day.

    It’s a lost cause.

  105. Donna says:

    My husband’s parents never celebrated Mother’s or Father’s Day, believing they were cynical, overly-marketed “Hallmark” days. When we had our baby, my husband started to suggest we follow their lead and I cut him off before he even finished the sentence.

    I’ve told him that Mother’s Day must always start with a cup of tea in bed for me, a raincheck for a mani-pedi for a day when the salon is not crazy busy, and then a nice, fun outing for all of us. We run a similar program on Father’s Day and he’s completely sold. Also, this year, for the first time ever, he’s going to send his mother flowers on Mother’s Day.

  106. Kristin says:

    Hahahaha…I remember those days! Now that my kids are older, all I want for Mother’s Day is for them not to leave the glop of toothpaste in the sink long enough for it to turn into cement. Love your “crappy” blog!

  107. Valerie says:

    For the love of God, will somebody think of dinner?!?!? Somebody ELSE to think of dinner for just one dang day? Carryout, a royal feast, whatever – just somebody else be in charge of feeding me and the kids!

  108. Paula says:

    Every year I ask for the exact same thing – I want to sleep in (past 6am) and I want a little extra kindness from everyone. I have yet to get the sleep part (and this will be my 8th Mother’s Day) but, to their credit, they are working on the kindness part.

  109. Jen says:

    All I want..seriously, honestly, truly…is a battery-operated personal hand held fan. I am stupidly pregnant with my 2nd and I’m SO HOT all the time. I’ve stated this over and over again. I don’t think I’m getting it though (sigh).

    Taking the kids away for a day sounds heavenly, but then I’ll just end up cleaning the entire dang house. Which,…yay? …but not exactly relaxing. A professional house cleaner would be uh-mazing.

  110. Laura says:

    I love this! Love the tub baby butt and the starfish foot in face pose! Happy Mother’s Day!

  111. Julia Fraser says:

    I loved your entry on Mothers Day and I absolutely agree with everything you said. My kids have grown up now and they spoil me on Mothers Day. You are doing all that for them and they will look back and appreciate…especially when they become parents themselves.

  112. Tara says:

    Oh gosh! So true!!

  113. Yes! Just add getting a massage for the sore back from picking up a squirmy toddler 20,000 times a day and that’s my perfect day. :)

  114. Flamesparrow says:

    It is one of those things that actually makes me grateful for being a lone parent (thankfully I am a lone parent where the other parent actually pulls his weight), so I get weekend times to pee alone.

  115. Perfect. Eating with 2 hands is definitely on the top of my list. Also, not eating like a vulture. I would like to eat a real meal of real food and not the drool covered toddler scraps that constitute a 3/4ths of my daily caloric intake. Motherhood, straight up glamour. Happy Mother’s Day. May all your dreams come true! :)

  116. Lori Langone says:

    The icing on the cake of this blog is the small person’s foot on Crappy Mom’s face, in the bed. This blog always makes me laugh. Thanks!

  117. Margaret says:

    I’m with you! For the past eight years, my sister, our friend and I have gone to brunch together on Mothers’ Day…WITHOUT our kids and hubbies. And, sorry, world, we don’t feel the least bit guilty. We spend the rest of the year with our families! For just one day we love to sit around sipping our mimosas, eating slooowwwwly, chatting, and relaxing as the other moms in the restaurant try to enjoy their brunch while pacifying fussy toddlers and trying to keep their babies from jumping out of high chairs. Ahhhhh….

  118. Anna says:

    First of all, those shoes are GORGEOUS. Wouldn’t mind a pair for Mother’s Day myself…but like you, I’d much rather the sleeping in and alone time! Hope you get what you want–maybe this will be the year :) Oh and I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog! I am a momma to one stinker of an 18 month old little girl and your blog just cracks me up! Thank you for the laughs!

  119. Rachel J. says:

    So funny, and so right on! My husband said he wanted to give me a shopping spree for Mother’s Day, and I said that’s perfect. I thought, “yay, some much needed alone time!” Then later I mentioned something about “when I go shopping” and he was like, “oh you don’t want me to come with you?”

    Um, with the 2-year-old and 5-month old in tow? No thanks. :)

  120. Stephanie says:

    Love it! Happy Mother’s Day!

  121. Happy Mother’s Day to you! I totally keep telling Hubs and the kids all I want is peace & quiet. It’s what I ask for for Xmas too. Hasn’t happened yet though. Ah well.

    And that bath thing? So totally have been there. Seriously kid?!

  122. Sarah Gill says:

    I am super blessed that my husband gives me those days a lot. We have 3 boys under 3 and sometimes he travels, so he is extremely understanding to my…stress… He will let me sleep in, bring breakfast in bed and close the door so i am all alone. :) and yes I did get a trinket this mothers day! But if I didn’t have an uber sweet Hubby that day would be all I dreamed about! :)

  123. Annie says:

    My husband always offers to give me the day off but it rarely happens. And, when it does, the mess I return to at home usually outsets the relaxation I felt when I was out being a grown-up. That said, I am planning to go out for a few hours anyway. Maybe, just maybe, the house will be clean when I get back? =) Hey, a girl can dream.

    LOVE LOVE LOVE the sandals. My half birthday is coming up….

  124. Joanna says:

    This made me laugh because it’s totally true! I live in the UK and even though I’m American we celebrated UK Mother’s Day, which was AGES ago. I campaign for the right to celebrate both Mother’s Days every year and every year I get turned down by my hubby. With a new baby this year, all I wanted was to sleep in on Mother’s Day.. it didn’t happen and my husband even had the balls to ask if he could play golf that Sunday.. he doesn’t have balls anymore. I hid all the golf balls. Happy Mother’s Day to all you mommas! I’ll be celebrating here, even if it is just in my head!

    • Sarah Gill says:

      Hahaha he doesn’t have balls! Hahaha

    • Manjari says:

      “doesn’t have balls anymore.” Bahahaha!

    • Carol Gardens says:

      I am joining your campaign and in a few years you can enlist your own children to vote for you getting BOTH Mothers’Days to celebrate any way that you want…start campaigning for yourself…make posters and decorate your house!!! and Happy Second Mothers’Day to you, tomorrow!!!

  125. Kate says:

    Husband asked me what I wanted for mom’s day & I said, “a nap.” Then he said, “no, seriously…”

    And then I remembered your nap post and burst out laughing. Because even when I WANT to take a nap, I can’t. Arrrrgh. (And yes, I have tried ear plugs. Stupid super-human mama hearing.)

    Happy mother’s day to all you amazing mamas out there.

    • Carol Gardens says:

      Ha ha ha…I remember that…I get in the car, now(parked in the driveway)…and doze right off! It is as if I am on another planet!

  126. Susan says:

    As a work away from home mama whose kiddo is asleep after only an hour when I get home I want time WITH him for Mother’s Day! Gift wrapped in a nap. Also as a work away from home mama who gets ridiculously sad away from my little guy thank you for your posts. They make me laugh when I really need it!

  127. sara says:

    Are those shoes in american dollars???? or Monopoly dollars?? I would much rather prefer they were in Monopoly dollars……

  128. emily g says:

    Happy Mother’s Day to all the super-awesome crappy Mama’s here!!

  129. Maggie says:

    this exactly!! My husband never gets it either. Honestly, he’d rather spend money we don’t have on a gift than deal with our two boys under 3 years old for a full day. Sigh… I did send this to his facebook page though, maybe this will be the year…

  130. Christine says:

    Love this! I just announced to my husband (while both kids were yelling “mom!”) that I was no longer responding to “mom”. He went and informed the children that Mother’s Day weekend starts NOW and that if they call Mom they will have to deal with HIM. Can’t wait to see how this goes!

  131. Gina says:

    A day off for Mother’s Day would be awesome but so not possible. My husband, like yours, can’t afford it. That’s okay – in a couple more years, when my boys are older, I am sure they will make it worth not getting anything for the first few! Happy Mother’s Day to you and all the mothers out there – whether they are human babies or fur babies!

  132. Kelly Hall says:

    I completely agree with you! Part of my Mother’s day gift happened last Sunday when I got to return to the MD Sheep and Wool Festival to shop because when I took the kids on Saturday, I got to see nothing but sheep! This Sunday, my husband is taking me to a kid free movie!

  133. Michelle says:

    Hapoy Mother’s Day to you! I adore your blog. You always make me laugh. I have told my entire family they need to read your blog for a good chuckle. :)
    I am going to get a pedicure and read a book while doing so! Bring out the power sander and goggles!!! :)

  134. CrunchyCake says:

    Couldn’t help it. Had to pin this on pinterest. Got a few repins and likes. :)

  135. Tina says:

    All I want for mothers day is to not feed anyone but myself, and of course the little nursing monster. But breakfast, lunch and dinner are in someone else’s hands.

  136. DrL says:

    LOL! I told my husband all I wanted for Mother’s Day was “sleep”.

    Happy Mother’s Day!

  137. Leigh Dever says:

    my son is now one and a half. the other day I asked my husband if he knew what he was going to get me. He didn’t so “let me sleep in” flew out of my mouth without hesitation! He looked at me like I was crazy. Wonder if I’ll get it what I asked for?!!

  138. Cindy says:

    Just want you to know that Grandma’s go potty with the door open too! And then 2 yearold granddaughter gets all happy and excited ’cause Gamma went peepee on the potty! Yay, Gamma!

  139. Jodie Smith says:

    Just wanted to say you read my mind! I have a 9 yo, 15 month old, and 7 week old. All I want is to sleep in! That would make my year I think. Love your blog! Got a crying baby now….gotta go!

  140. KiwiBunnz says:

    Is it sad that for Mother’s Day I would like 8 hours uninterupted study time, a clean house and tea made? It is… thought so…
    Happy Mother’s Day to all you awesometastic Mums and Moms out there :-)

  141. Sarah says:

    I BEG my husband for a day off EVERY FUCKING year. Mothers day & birthday. We have 3 kids- 10, 7, and 4. “We” (ie *I*) homeschool them- I LITERALLY have no alone time. EVER. So every year I want a divorce on mothers day and my birthday. True story.

  142. mel says:

    I kind of gave up on my hubcap finding me anything great as far as gifts go- it was always roses and chocolate on valentine’s day, candles and lotion in my stocking… (i know, i know, I shouldn’t complain, at least he got me something, right?) So I just started buying them myself. Last week I said “Hon, I got myself a new blender for Mother’s Day- Thank you!” and he said “MY PLEASURE”. Other special days it’s a massage, etc- anything I’ve been wanting for a while.
    PS- little kid butts are the cutest things EVER- I just want to pinch them

  143. Paula Hartson says:

    Thank you for this blog. It never fails to make me laugh. Happy Mother’s Day to you!

  144. Leanna says:

    Love this! I was just thinking today that the BEST Mother’s Day present for me would be a night in a hotel ALONE. Now my kids are 8 and 12 but I also help take care of my MIL. Thanks for the laughs.

  145. Kate says:

    This morning, after being left alone with the 2 year old and a list of things that needed to happen my Hubby said on my return “I don’t know how you ever get anything done”. BEST COMPLIMENT EVER.

  146. Jen says:

    Best.gift.ever!!!! Hope you get the shoes!! Thanks for the blog. Love it!

  147. Nickel says:

    s-l-e-e-e-p in…
    actually my bestest present would be to wake up to clean house, or just the living room… just for 3 seconds before it’s trashed to pretend I live some magazine lifestyle. And it doesn’t cost anything either….

  148. Amy says:

    I’m another who araely gets to sleep in, shower alone etc. Happy so say I do generally get a sleep in on Mother’s day – and I’ve been promised the same this year. Hubby is going to take the kids out for breakfast – which is really the only way to get a sleep in around here and then will take the kids to their swimming lesson so I might even get a 2 hour sleep in. What’s the bet I end up waking at 5am and can’t get back to sleep…pretty high I think :)

  149. Manjari says:

    I confess that I have been peeking back at the bathtime picture all day just so I can crack up at those cutie buns again. I did it again just now.

    The foot-in-the-face picture is a great source of hilarity for me, too. I love you, Amber!

  150. Nicole says:

    My sons are 5 yrs and 2 weeks old. Sleep would be nice, let alone a sleep in, lol! Hubby has already said we are going shopping tomorrow as “the 2 wk old wasn’t in the mood for shopping today”. Hmmm. To be fair, hubby has taken a month off work :)

  151. Elle says:

    Sleeping in sounds awesome! Sleeping in by myself sounds even better. Instead of a foot in my face I have a baby pulling my hair every morning.

  152. Jan says:

    I have a 23 month old and a 2 1/2 month old and we just had our sweet 16 year old dog put to sleep yesterday. Needless to say, the past few months have been NUTS! Last Mother’s Day, my first, my husband did give me the day off! With his sincere blessing, I went kayaking with a dear friend and was gone ALL day!!! It was heaven and seriously improved my mental state in the most amazing way! This year, only my second Mother’s Day, the baby is too young to leave for long (I am nursing), but i’m ok with that. We’re going to work on a memorial garden for the doggie. But next year… Yes yes yes to a day OFF!!!!! After a good sleep in!!!! Love love LOVE this blog!!!!!

    • Carol Gardens says:

      I think doing the garden will be a nice way to spend the day…sorry that you are missing your loving pet.

  153. Diane says:

    I asked for the exact same thing. Something tells me it’s not going to happen! Happy Mother’s Day!

  154. Mandy B says:

    You’re. The. Best.

    And your readers/commenters? They’re the best too, only one tier removed from the super-awesomeness of you and how you get us all talking. I love your posts and I love reading all the comments too; it makes me feel so not-alone!

    I adore everything here, especially the foot-in-face (a classic in our house!) and little naked buns… That has happened more than once (heh!) around here but what it made me remember was when I was in labor with Baby-2, we went to the birth center and I went to change my clothes. Baby-1, then 2.5 years old, got so excited, yelled, “birth bath!” and shucked her duds right there, naked and so thrilled to get in the birth bath that was just waiting! Sorry kid, we weren’t quite ready, and she was asleep by the time the big event happened. But that’s how close I came to sharing even that bathtime. ;)

    Happy Mother’s Day, everyone, including you worthy not-yet-moms reading, amazing dads who make this crazy trek with us and occasionally let us bathe or eat with two hands, and the awesome pair of dads who posted above and really, really should get to celebrate Mother’s Day too – go for it!

  155. Julie says:

    I showed this post to my husband after he was curious as to why I was laughing so hard. He thought it was great and funny. We then had breakfast. About two minutes into eating, the baby started to cry and I ended up eating while holding a baby… apparently the message was lost in that two minutes. Thanks for the post- it made my day.

    • Carol Gardens says:

      I thought up the idea that we would ‘take turns’ eating when we were both home, but eventually it turned into I got to eat breakfast alone…always..I was happy with that! On vacations…we took turns at who got an uninterrupted breakfast…a long one with a newspaper.

  156. Sarah says:

    I would totally be happy for an audience free bathroom trip! Happy Mother’s day. All the best.

  157. Emerald says:

    I love the naked baby climbing in the tub lol. When my husband asked me what I wanted for mothers day this year, I said Eggs Benedict, in bed ALONE. :) fingers crossed

  158. Lynn says:

    Love your work, crappy mom. Thanks so much for it, it is wonderful to have a laugh over the crazy ride that is motherhood. And that we are not alone and that also, we can keep our sense of humour intact!

    A big fan of yours! Hope you have a fantastic Mother’s Day xx

  159. Cindy says:

    How many mom’s are now going to email this to their husbands with a wink and a kiss kiss in the subject header. Cause I am yo!
    Yeah, I’m 39 and said ‘yo’.
    I’m tired.

  160. Kari says:

    So, I’m probably the only one, but I thought your wanted gift picture said “accident free” under the potty picture, and i about lost my stuff. audience free is still good, though! ;)

  161. Mindy says:

    Holy crap! I never heard of Cydwoq shoes before so I, of course, clicked on the link to see these amazing sandals. $250 for a strap of leather on a thin tiny sole!? Are they lined with gold? Wow. I guess they must be super comfortable in such a way that they change your life. I would say I will have to go to the *one* store in my city that sells them and try some on so I can experience this for myself, but they probably would take one look at me in my drooled on jeans and t-shirt and kick me out of their store.

  162. Jennifer says:

    Totally agree with all of that…Happy Mother’s Day!

  163. Sam says:

    I read your blog by force, but that doesn’t mean I don’t find it funny. My wife makes me read because she thinks you are secretly spying on our life and then posting about it because it is exactly the same. I am dreading tomorrow because I somehow have to keep the little ones occupied. It’s harder for dads because when I’m sleeping they don’t want to see me, but when she’s asleep it’s all I can do to hold them back from the door. I’d rather buy something expensive than take on tomorrow. My heart pounds just thinking about it. But if she doesn’t get to sleep in she’ll probably kill over from coffee overdose. Plus all she’s been talking about for weeks is how glorious it will be when she sleeps in.

  164. Andrea says:

    I know you appreciate us being such a nice bunch, and I love reading you, and the whole thing about Mother’s Day was right on, until you mentioned the SHOES. I have been to the website now for the first time, and will forever hold you responsible for me wanting shoes I cannot have. I hope that’s not too not-nice. Happy Mother’s Day!

  165. Marija says:

    Well, my 8 year old got this “idea” (school-induced) about giving me a book of “coupons” as mother’s day gift. The coupons are along the lines of: breakfast in bed, back rub, take bath alone… Exactly what mother wants it. He was so excited about it, that he gave me the gift day early and insisted on me using coupon IMMEDIATELY. Not wanting to stomp on his spirits before bedtime, I chose “back rub”. After some masterful “rubbing” (read: gentle patting), I thought we are done, and he will go to bed (so I could, too). But, he understood I liked it, so he immediately invented the double coupon, and insisted on giving me second back-rub. As you can imagine, it took me good 30 minutes to “re-schedule”.
    Next morning, at the crack of dawn, my son comes to my bed: “back rub?”. Then at breakfast. Then while I was showering. Then when he was supposed to do his homework.
    I’m no longer sure he know any other words, but “back-rub?”

  166. Caro Gardens says:

    Oh this was so nice! I love this one!
    Do not stop asking for what you want. One day I got the Mother’s Day gift I wanted: 8AM til 8PM all alone….all day..in my own home, in case I did not want to leave.It became a tradition on that day at my house…so nice…sooo appreciated. For many lovely years, all my offspring and hubby agreed to give me a mothers’ day for me. Now, the oldest 5 are out of the house and grown and I have given up the tradition for one of letting them choose, with my approval , how we spend it..but I still get ‘part’ of the day just for me..and NO ONE IS OFFENDED. Ask for what you want, sometimes it is very nice. I remember how they would ask me,”What did you do ALL day without us?!” I would answer, ” I ate a BIG pb and j sandwich, took a loooong nap, played in my garden,and read my favorite book—it was SOOO fun…but I missed you!”HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY!

    • sarah says:

      thats so cool… good for you ;-)
      time without them makes us better mums… i truly believe that. we all need space even they must get sick of us huh! lol

  167. Parthena Wollen says:

    You made me laugh so hard I had tears coming out of my eyes. Apparently my husband belongs to the same club as yours. Still laughing…..

  168. Rachel says:

    I love this post and it’s so true. I begged to be to sleep in today and crappy pappa agreed… However when crappy baby decided that 4 am was wake up time.., guess what happened . Grr

  169. Chris Carter says:

    Oh Amber- your talent and gift never fails to make me laugh out loud and make my day!! Here’s to kid’s feet in your face while attempting to sleep! The little butt on your crappy baby …oh my. HILARIOUS! Motherhood tribute here:
    http://TheMomCafe.com

  170. Elizabeth says:

    Love your blog! I’m so in need of all four gifts! Even if it’s 1 out of 365 days to enjoy all four!

  171. Alli says:

    I so love this post.

    We’re at my parents’ for the weekend so I got to take a shower solo this morning, and I have enjoyed uninterrupted trips to the potty (I even went in there once just because I could). I call that a win.

  172. John says:

    Count this dad among your followers, too … technically a stepdad, which means that I missed a lot of the “infant/toddler” era that you’re in right now. But not by much, since I came along at age 6.

  173. Addie says:

    Excellent post. I so appreciate this blog – something to look forward to. :) Just a note to say thanks!

  174. Helene says:

    One year, when we had half as many kids as we do now, and no one was nursing (these are what we refer to as the golden days of parenthood), I asked my husband to take our two girls to his parents’ house for the weekend, four hours away. I got to do whatever the heck I wanted (although I was definitely at a loss for a little while), accomplish some big-ish household projects, and do the whole,bath, eat with two hands, pee with the door closed, sleep in/nap thing, too. Plus, I sent my mother-in-law’s son and grandchildren to her for Mother’s Day, so, big bonus points for me. I may have to reissue this request in a year or two…

  175. Misty says:

    LMAO! I think I was smart enough to ask for a gift instead of thinking I’d be able to have a whole day off… Your posts makes me feel “normal” even though my husband has been telling me for the last 2 years that I’m “crazy”. He doesn’t get it. He’s a man. So, THANK YOU! And, Happy Mother’s Day :)

  176. Shelley West says:

    I don’t think my husband paid any attention to this, even though I forwarded it to him. I got a card…and had a very motherly mother’s day because I got to do EVERYTHING a mother does…all day long, while dad laid in bed and moped around with a tummy ache.

  177. Keith's Momma says:

    Love the butt-crack in the bathtub picture. :)
    This was perfect. I just sent to my husband, he gave me three out of four suggested gifts, love it!!

  178. amy says:

    I swear, you say all of the exact things I would say! :-) That’s why I love your blog. For mother’s day this year, and also for my birthday which was many months ago, I told my husband that “all I want is to SLEEP”… I didn’t get it. Either time. (sigh) Then, all I wanted once I was up, was to eat. Just give me a minute to eat some stupid breakfast! No, didn’t get that either. So yes, you are 100% right. These types of free gifts would be the best ever! Maybe some day….

  179. Taylor F says:

    My boys are 3 months old.. so i didnt really get a mothers day this year.. BUT if i get one next year THAT IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANT!!!! :) :) Love your blog.. new follower.

  180. Tracy Bright says:

    This is my life! Haha. Your stories and pictures are spot on and I love it! Thanks for giving me a laugh. And thanks for giving my husband some insight. He loves it too!

  181. Amanda says:

    We have started a tradition at our house, which I think every mother should get automatically from their children/spouse. For the past 2 yrs (we only have a 2 yr old son), we celebrate Mother’s Day all weekend. That means I sleep in as long as I want (my son normally wakes me up between 6am-7am), no cooking, no cleaning allowed and I get to decide what we do that weekend. Plus, I still get a gift like gift certificate to spa/salon. I really enjoy my 2 days off a year!

  182. sarah says:

    Love your blog. you are hilarious! i share nearly every post on twitter and Facebook, lol.
    single mum of 3 (1.5yo, 3yo & 10yo) here. my 10yo has asked me why there isn’t a “kids day” for the last 5 years on mothers day and i say the same thing every year… because every other day is kids day… but not today! its mine. although it wasn’t any different apart from the cute handmade gifts than any other day… but i know in a few years they may stay quiet so i can sleep in one morning that would be nice ;-)

  183. beth H says:

    I know I am way late in commenting on this one, but you know how crappy life gets in the way ;) I almost got what I wanted for Mothers day this year, my oldest daughter brought me breakfast in bed, cleaned the kitchen and got the youngest two ready. DH took off for the morning and I got to sleep in to 11:00!!! I got to eat most of my breakfast by myself, and didn’t have to clean the rest of the day! It was awesome (until DH made the kids feel bad that they didn’t buy me anything for the day, but they explained to him that they gave me exactly what I wanted). At least the kids listened *and I got flowers for my garden from DH*

  184. LindaR says:

    Oh my. I just burst out laughing at the “screw you!” bit … too funny! (and I support your day off.. I want one too)

  185. Ruby E says:

    Such a great post. I laughed and sympathized! (And you’re right, Cydwoqs would make you feel sparkly on the inside. I’ve occasionally indulged in the sale section at Ped—from one Cydwoq lover to another.)

  186. Adonna says:

    Best. Post. Ever! It takes a mom to know one. :)

  187. Laura says:

    This is the funniest thing ever. So glad I discovered your blog. My favourite is “Mama, the sun is up!” Soooo true. My 7 month old obviously can’t say “Mama the sun is up” yet, but I know that’s what she means at 6am when she says “Aaah, eh, eh” with increasing anger, until I finally come to terms with the fact that she is not going back to sleep.

  188. Casey says:

    I didn’t even get a “Happy Mothers Day” from my husband, he couldn’t be bothered to acknowledge the day because “Its a hallmark holiday” well good for you buddy but on fathers day I did tell him happy fathers day and I got him a gift. Sometimes I think I married the wrong man (just kidding). I would have been happy if he had brought a pizza home for dinner so I didn’t have to cook.

  189. Mother’s Day passed by, and I am still waiting for those oh so special “day off” gifts. I have a sticky note on the fridge, written by my oldest daughter 3 months ago, but have yet to collect on the promises. Maybe next year for me too. :p

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