how to dispose of trash (instructions by Crappy Boy)

Here are Crappy Boy's instructions for how to get something into a trash can.

Step1: Hold trash.

Trash1

 

Step 2: Ignore the proximity to trash can. Offer trash to Crappy Mama.

Trash2

 

Step 3: Crappy Mama will point at the trash can. Use this move to quickly insert trash in her outstretched hand.

Trash-3

 

Step 4: And then run. 

Trash4

Trash5

Trash6

Congratulations! You have disposed of trash!

(Please share with your children in case they have been doing this improperly. Children should never, ever, personally utilize a trash can. Well, unless they are taking stuff out of it.) 

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96 Responses to how to dispose of trash (instructions by Crappy Boy)

  1. Sarah P says:

    Works every time!

  2. Jenny says:

    Or putting their toys and other things that don’t belong in it!

  3. Nicole says:

    lol!!!! You forgot to include the toss next to the trash can when mom isn’t nearby….

  4. Jolleen says:

    You make me laugh soooooooooooooo flipping hard! Oh, sadly even the “crappy teenagers” in my house STILL DO THIS!!!!! I really love your blog!!!

  5. Gabrielle says:

    My daughter does this trick when she tells me that she needs a tissue…and she’s sitting right next to the box. *facepalm*

  6. JCCyC says:

    Don’t get me started about disposal of food they taste and don’t like. It absolutely MUST be put on the parent’s plate. If you manage to move the plate away and offer your hand, they’ll try to circle you to put in on the plate.

  7. Amber Dusick says:

    You are so right! My toddler does that plenty but not so much Crappy Boy so I forgot that bit. ๐Ÿ™‚

  8. natalie says:

    Don’t forget the total meltdown that happens when you dispose of said trash. You were never supposed to put it in the bin, just to hold it for a few minutes until they were ready to put it into the bin. That’s the two and a half year old control freak stage I’m experiencing at the moment anyway.

  9. Amber Dusick says:

    Yes! Or even more ideally, in my HAND.

  10. Amanda says:

    Right now Connor is fascinated with putting stuff IN the trashcan…. I’m keeping my fingers crossed we don’t loose anything important!

    I’m sure the fascination will fade and we’ll be putting trash in the can the “correct” way!

  11. Ha! Kids are one thing but my DH does this, particularly when we are out. What am I? A freaking walking trash can??!!

  12. Sheryl says:

    LOL. I just posted a screen shot of FB chat with my 10-year-old son. Well, my 1-sided FB chat with a child who has not yet responded (it’s now been an hour). I asked him if he had taken out the trash yet… I’m guessing the answer is no. My childless friends just don’t get the humor…
    ***The perk when they get older is you can make them actually take out the trash upon threat of taking away cool electronic thingys.

  13. Amber Dusick says:

    That is true, my toddler is still in the throwing away toys (and once my keys) mode. He’ll get to this one soon enough.

  14. Lenore says:

    Ha ha ha! This is great! My son is 19 months old, and we have an opposite problem. He is at that stage where he loves to put EVERYthing in the trash. His favorite toys, my lipstick, money, the keys, my husband’s wallet, you name it. He puts it in there. He doesn’t seem to understand that it makes the items go away. For good. Then he whines for the toy or other object that he put in there. By then, we realize that it’s too late, the trash has gone out, and it accidentally got thrown away. Now when we are about to take out the garbage, we have to dig through it first to make sure that we don’t find our wallet/cell phone / house keys/ diaphram in its pretty pink case / etc. in the trash. Oy vey.

  15. rocioss says:

    weยดre raising devils!:D

  16. Felicia says:

    ha ha. you make me laugh so hard! This is my three year old’s reply when i tell him to throw somthing in the trash “no mommy, you do it!” and throw it at me and run away. …. lol TODDLERS!

  17. There’s more to it than that. My little ones throw garbage in the general direction of the garbage can. They’re convinced that counts.

  18. Crystal says:

    Or, when you give them the trash and say “now go put it in the trash can!” and they proceed to drop it RIGHT next to the trash can and then walk away.

  19. My 2.5 year old son actually just uses his trash can for its intended purpose – putting stuff in. However, if it’s an apple core or a piece of food, that just goes on the floor, doesn’t even talk to me about it.

  20. Thing is, he loves to open and close the popping lid of the garbage can – however, he can’t reach the compost pail (which we keep out of his reach for a reason), so that’s what happens.

  21. Sia says:

    We’re currently in Germany and recycling is huge here. We have three bins in our kitchen. One for trash (blue), one for paper(red) and one for plastic/metal (white). I didn’t LET my little ones throw stuff away for the longest time because it ended up in the wrong bin LOL! Now I just call out colors. “RED!” “Blue!” “White!”

  22. Angela says:

    You need to write one about how to put Legos away…by flushing them down the toilet. Ugh.

  23. rachel says:

    yes! i once caught my (now) 4 year old putting a pair of his socks into the kitchen garbage. when i went to go get them out, i found 4 more pairs in there! i think he was about 18 months at the time. i checked the can closely after that, who knows what else we ‘accidentally’ threw out before i was on to him!

  24. In my house I am constantly saying “I am not a trash can” and “I am not a table” and it neve goes in my hand. My kids put everything in my lap, their trash, their cups, their toys, their discarded food that they decided did not taste good…unless of course I happen to be eating something then it goes on my plate. And it does not matter how close daddy is they will leave him to find me *sigh* it’s mommy magnetisim.

  25. Mom of Two says:

    Pretty sure my husband disposes of trash in the same crappy kid fashion.

  26. nicki says:

    What do you mean ‘kids’ method? I keep trash cans in every room of the house, including the LIVING ROOM. Not because I like to, but b/c otherwise no one in the house will walk the 5 steps to the kitchen one to throw their trash away. It just goes on the floor/table/etc near them.

  27. Melissa Faust says:

    This is disgustingly true every friggin’ time. While out in public it becomes mama’s purse or pockets that are the trash can. I swear I have “pack mule” or “trash can” stamped on my forehead most days.

  28. erin B says:

    can we extend this to husbands that put their dirty laundry adjacent to the laundry basket?

  29. nicki says:

    not to mention the “I am not a playground” :o)

  30. Claire L says:

    Ah, good to know, I shall inform my son.

    This by, the way, is preferable to picking every single cigarette butt he can find in the park and anything else and throwing it away – who *knows* where those things have been!!! And he informs me too, that it’ yucky, by saying “ugh!” (he’s 1 and a half)

  31. TroutPout says:

    Mwahahaha! My 17 month old girl has recently discovered the joys of the trash can ๐Ÿ™‚ Last week we lost the remote to the tv, my wallet, daddy’s cell phone… Was so much fun fishing them out of the stinky nappies ๐Ÿ™‚

  32. Sarah says:

    oh mine just sticks out her tongue with the offending food on, pull a disgusted face & moaning until i take the food out of her very mouth.
    however, she loves putting trash in the bin

  33. Lauren says:

    Oh, Amber. That’s my day. Son crossing room with trash, passing trash can, hands to me. Every. Time. They both do this. As well as my husband! (so surprised to see am not alone on that one – Mom of Two!) Ugh.

  34. Karen says:

    Mine just drop it where ever they happen to be. Gum wrappers, partially-eaten mini waffle, used q-tip….you name it, I’ve pretty much found it somewhere in the house other than the trash.

  35. Francesca says:

    My girls both think that holding up their hand with a piece of trash in it and calling “Mommy!” makes it disappear.

    Great post

  36. Tessa says:

    Which is exactly why I haven’t taught my 19 month old about the trash can. I don’t want to have to dig in the trash can every night checking for cell phones, remotes, baby shoes, toys, etc. ;0)

  37. The other day I gave my toddler some packaging from decorations I was putting in my babies room. I asked him to go throw it away. He left and came back and I thanked him for being so helpful. Ten minutes later I went to the living room and my husband held up the packaging and asked what I wanted him to do with it. Apparently Daddy is the trash can.

  38. My toddler always puts food he doesn’t want on my plate. And he usually trades me for something off my plate that he does want.

  39. Tessa says:

    Mine opens his mouth and waits for me to swipe it out for him. Lovely

  40. Juise says:

    Lol, that is funny. My kids don’t do that, and actually I kind of wish they would. They love picking things up and putting them in the trash. Even if they aren’t trash.

    One time I spent 45 horrific, head pounding, minutes trying to figure out where the expletive the bottle of pain killer was before finally finding it deposited in the trash can.

    The trash is in a cabinet with a “child safety latch” on it, so thrown away items are at least limited to what they can squeeze through with their little hands. Ack!

  41. Amanda says:

    Hence the reason I have done the one thing I never thought parenting entailed…eating food that had previously bee in someone else’s mouth. They don’t tell you that in the handbook.

  42. Brandy P says:

    This

  43. chi chi says:

    So simple, yet so true! My kids do this with their dirty clothes as well. And if I’m not around, they lay it neatly NEXT to the hamper on ther FLOOR. Apparently it’s way too much effort to place it IN the hamper.

  44. Heather says:

    Just stop doing his laundry. I did that to my hubby and when he had no socks, he got the hint.

  45. Jess says:

    I have a superpower. I am the only one in my house that can see a full trashcan, remove the bag, and put in a new liner. The others cannot tell when the trashcan is full and simply keep throwing garbage on top which then rolls into the floor. I have been fuming about it all day. At least this post made me laugh!

  46. Rachel says:

    And then there’s the pull-everything-OUT-of-the-trash-can phase. *sigh* That’s where we are right now.

  47. Lisa says:

    Yep! Mine does his own laundry now! You think it’d be easier to just put his dirty clothes in the laundry basket, but whatevs.

  48. Sabrina B says:

    When my two year old daughter has trash, I ask her to throw it away and am met with a sweet “no thank you, Mommy” and then she walks away- leaving me with said trash. At least she uses manners, right?

  49. Jo says:

    Yes! Not just mine! They BYPASS the bin to give things to me.

  50. Summer Sheldon says:

    Oh yes. I once took the trash out only to discover it was vibrating. Upon further investigation I found my electronic toothbrush. Thank goodness he turned it on before he thru it out, but gross!!!!!!

  51. Megan says:

    We find socks in the trash can ALL.THE.TIME. My class is 18mo-3yrs, so we also find snack plates, forks, spoons, and cups… but often we don’t find them so child sized silverware is a recurring expense ๐Ÿ™‚

  52. Megan says:

    My classroom has eight garbage cans in it… but the kids will walk past 3 or 4 of them to get to one with a step-lid. It’s like the open top garbage cans don’t even exist ๐Ÿ™‚

  53. my almost 3 yr old threw my bank account credit card in the trash on monday night. Tuesday am is when the trash comes. He told me tuesday PM after I tore the entire house, car and garage apart…..yey.

  54. KiwiBunnz says:

    Lucky… I usually get it force fed to me! He has quick reflexes and can keep up with squishing it into my mouth no matter how much head shaking I do!

  55. Joylynn says:

    and here i thought this was going to be a post about how the trash is everywhere BUT in the trash can! haha silly me!

  56. KiwiBunnz says:

    I tried that. He did it wrong. I wouldn’t mind if he just did his stuff but EVERYTHING went in together… yes Painter-Man, is is a good idea to wash your smelly enamel covered overalls separate to your baby son’s clothes… should I just do it myself then? OK… cunning evil plan!

  57. Heather says:

    My children (and HUSBAND) place the trash on the counter top just ABOVE the trash can. This principle is applied in the bedrooms too: snotty tissues go ON the nightstand instead of the trash can next to the nightstand. Things that make me go GRRRR!!

  58. Samantha says:

    thanks always for the smiles and laughs. keep up the brilliant blogging!

  59. Summerflo says:

    Yeeeeesssss! If I put our hamper in our walk in closet my husband says that’s too much work to go all the way in there. He wants to be able to get naked by the bed and basketball throw his dirty clothes across the room. OR he steps out of his clothes anywhere and tells me not to touch them bc he’ll wear them again! Hopeless!

  60. oldest child says:

    3 little siblings later and none of them have incorrectly placed stuff in the trash and they’ve never had the idea ib the picture. What kids are you guys raising?

  61. Gretchen says:

    Same here!!! Our living room actually has two!

  62. Gretchen says:

    I am pretty sure our tv remote went out with the trash. I keep meaning to buy a universal remote to replace it, but who knows how long that will last…

  63. Hope says:

    Is every four-year-old boy allergic to the trash can??? I find wrappers all over the place because he is apparently allergic to trash cans! ; ) LOL

  64. eandjomomma@yahoo.com says:

    It’s because she doesn’t want to get her sticky little toddler fingers dirty (or dirtier);)

  65. eandjomomma@yahoo.com says:

    Exactly! Mine puts his clothes on top of the hamper.What, you can’t lift the lid and DROP them in?

    Oh, and he’ll bring clean clothes into the bathroom in the a.m. to put on after his shower, and invariably change his mind-leave the clean clothes in the bathroom-and go get different clean clothes! The bathroom must be the second closet and nobody told me.

  66. Naomi says:

    I feel pretty lucky then, my 2 year old LOVES helping clean up garbage. I say it’s garbage, we walk over to the can and he throws it in and I make a big fuss over him helping. He honest to (insert what or whom you pray to hear) threw a fit today because he wanted to vacuum more.

    Toys on the other hand, whole different story. “Clean up” for toys means spreading them out on the floor. Categorized by what type of toy (cars, blocks, balls) but all. on. the. FLOOR!!!!

  67. Amber says:

    Yes, sadly, I do this way to often too.

  68. Amber says:

    Mine does this too. She looks like a little bird, but she is waiting for me to take it out, instead of put something in there ๐Ÿ™‚

  69. Oh I experienced something similar today, except my 16 month old kept spitting chewed onion rings onto my plate to get a new one. As if it would taste different!

  70. My DD went through that at age 2 also…pick up this, come here, stop that…all met with a smile and “no thank you mommy” if I asked again more sternly she’d say “but I used good manners mommy” *sigh*

  71. Paula says:

    I am not a climbing frame!! Is often said in this house!!

  72. Paula says:

    In Taiwan even the bins on the street are divided, so she is always asking what colour.. And yep it’s blue or red mostly, I think it’s great but when will she work it out for herself I’m not sure as sometime I don’t even know where to throw it!!

  73. Paula says:

    Video remote was found in the recycle bin after a few hours looking. It when missing again for months I assumed it got thrown out so got a new one.. Then it turned up in one of her toy boxes.

  74. Kristen says:

    2 of my Mom phrases used on a regular basis – I am not a garbage can. And – I am not the kitchen sink.

  75. Wolfy says:

    HAHAHAHA!! And I had the opposite problem… I was NEVER allowed to throw out any of their socks, even if they had holes in them! I had to make the holes super gigantic and then HIDE them under a bunch of other trash!

  76. Wolfy says:

    Now I get the “toss onto the trash can”. Can’t tell you the messes I have to clean up… they seem to think the trash can is like a canvas, to have food thrown at it in some odd, soon to be rotting, thoroughly disgusting artistic way. Instructions: Open lid, toss food at lid. Extra points if you can make your food dislodge the bag and get all over the outside of the bag, and the inner garbage can walls.

  77. tacy says:

    You nailed it! There’s an extra instruction for after you get wise to their ways: After the mama learns to keep her hands safely by her side and to only indicate the trash can with chin juts, child will then just drop the trash on the floor where he is standing and run away, thus leaving you to decide if it’s worth the energy to enter battle mode and chase after him or if you should just pick it up and be done with the whole stupid thing.

  78. Michele Hays says:

    FYI, I have an eleven-year-old, and will relate what I have learned: the ONLY appropriate pose when your child is holding something that is or might potentially become trash is to cross your arms over your chest, and hide your hands in your armpits. Clench tightly.

    Repeat “Mommy is not a trash can. Go find one.” Continue repeating until said child moves out for college.

  79. Cora says:

    haha vibrating trash…honestly, when i read that i didn’t think oh that has to be a toothbrush lol

  80. Rach says:

    So the washing machine can’t be blamed anymore for missing socks? ๐Ÿ˜€

  81. Jen says:

    You forgot the picture where they totally ignore the trash can and just put the trash on the floor or in their sibling’s underpants. *sigh*

  82. I was wondering if you had a badge for your site that I can post on my blog site. I love your blog and I would love to share it with my friends. If you don’t that is fine I can just copy a link ๐Ÿ™‚ Thank you for your time.

  83. Becca says:

    Kids two and three do this ALL THE FREAKING TIME! What’s up with that? Kid number one does the throw the trash in the laundry basket and throw the clothes in the trash. He still does this at age 8! Do they ever learn?

  84. elaine says:

    ur kid needs some proper asian teachings….just saying… :p

  85. Rosie McEwin says:

    You could be the 21st century “For Better or Worse`. Seriously. THey`d love you in the comics!
    Rosie

  86. Lisa says:

    I just wanted to say I think your blog is great! I like it so much I put your website on my blog roll!

    Lisa

    joliluja.wordpress.com

  87. I tell all first-time parents that one of the secrets no one shares is how when you become a parent, you also become a table.

    “Here mom.”

  88. Amber Dusick says:

    Hi Cari, I *DO* have a button. Your comment made me realize I made one ages ago and never put it up on the site. It is on my sidebar now. ๐Ÿ™‚

  89. cindy says:

    hahaha! (yes, I’m behind here)
    My son actually does like to use the trash can, however its got two compartments controlled by foot peddles. So he steps on the peddle but puts his hand on the top of the can to hold his balance… holding the lid down. You can imagine the circle of frustration this causes him. Foot off, let go of lid… try again. Balance… foot, “dammit!” I can imagine him thinking. LOL. He gets it… eventually.

  90. Letitia says:

    Yes, exactly how it works! ๐Ÿ˜€
    Thanks for the guide: D
    I put on my blog banner. Greetings from Slovakia.

    Letitia
    http://letitia-tiba.blogspot.com/

  91. Sofia says:

    HEEEEEY! This is not only for toddlers! The days before my wedding, I caught my older brother telling my hubby-to-be; “Just leave the trash on the kitchen table, and mom’ll take care of it!” My parents do recycle a lot of their trash, so sure enough it wasn’t THAT easy to know which bin to throw stuff in…but still… “Mom will take care of it!” Makes me laugh everytime I come to think of it!

  92. mgaer says:

    I LOVE YOU CRAPPY MOMMA!!! I only have a 5 month old…but I read your blog to see what I’m in for! ๐Ÿ˜‰ Thanks for writing …. it helps me to find the comedy amidst the mundane, everyday life of a mom. ๐Ÿ™‚

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