This post is not about cleaning. I called it "housekeeping" but it really should be called "blogkeeping" but that isn't a real word and nobody would know what I'm talking about.
Sometimes I have announcements or updates I want to write about but it isn't a proper post and don't want to confuse people. So when this happens, I will use this picture:
And then you'll know I'm not writing a real post. Just taking care of business.
This is the business:
- Voting
- Sponsors
- There isn't a third one.
Voting. Several people have asked me how they can vote in the Bloggies. Thank you! If you want to vote but couldn't figure it out, read below.
If you've already voted (thanks!) or don't want to (that is okay!) then just skip this section because it will only annoy you and waste your time.
(I am so thankful and in awe over stuff like this and the sheer amount of people that keep reading this blog. Seriously. Okay, this is the end of the mushy part of this post.)
Go to the site and you'll see this:
If you see that then you are on the right page. If you see kittens in a basket you are on the wrong page.
Try again. Go HERE.
Then you will need to scroll down, down, down, down to just past the middle of the page until you see the Best Parenting or Family Weblog category. I'm in it! As are four other really super awesome websites that you totally shouldn't vote for.
There is a button in the lower right hand corner of the square image. Click it.
It will make a little check mark in the button. I don't have an image of this part. I'm so very sorry.
Then you scroll down, down, down, down until you get to the very bottom of the page. And it looks like this:
You have to type in the words. Yours will be different! Tricky! And then you have to enter in a real email address that you can access. Then you have to press the Submit Your Nominations button.
Then later (I guess sometimes it takes a bit) you will get an email with a link in it that you have to click to prove that you are a human and not a robot. And then you have voted! Thank you so much!
Oh, you can vote in all the other categories too. If you have, like, tons of free time and stuff.
This is the link to vote.
——————————-
Sponsors.
I will have blog sponsors soon. They will only be hand-picked, cool sponsors that aren't crappy.
This is how I see this working:
Me + them + you = a happy little 3-way. Except that I get paid for it. So that makes me a hooker? I'm okay with this.
Anyway, I promise I won't start showing you ads for cigarettes targeted at moms or anything. Not even for a million dollars. (I'll do it for 4 million though, email me. Kidding! I'm kidding. No, I'm not.)
On weekends I may even host a giveaway, but those will only be available for sponsors. And they will include crappy drawn pictures and probably even stories. So they'll kinda be like my normal posts except you can win stuff at the end. And my sponsors are going to be groovy so their stuff will be radical. I've never, ever posted on weekends before so this will be like a bonus thingy I do. Will still post twice a week. So you can turn that frown upside down.
In fact, I'm hosting a giveaway this weekend! So you can see how much you love it. Or hate it. Hopefully love it. I mean, come on, didn't you see the rainbow, butterflies and unicorn in that picture above? This could be so beautiful!
Oh & if you are interested in sponsorship and all the shiny happy stuff that comes with it, you can email me. (Parenting/kids/baby related stuff only please.)
End of business. Housekeeping complete.
Looks so clean and sparkly in here! (Please, nobody let my kids in here. Especially if they are eating crackers or wielding markers. Which is 90% of the time.)
I don’t think you’re a hooker, I think technically you’re the pimp. The sponsor has a product/service to offer, that makes them the hooker. I may wish to purchase said product/service, making me the “john”. You help arrange it and get a cut. Yep, that makes you the pimp. Or maybe the madame….Regardless, I am looking forward to seeing what crappy products you come up with.
Pimp! That sounds WAY cooler.
Your announcement posts are even funny! Was wondering when you’d finally start making a little cash. Good for you!
I have tried to vote for you several times, but it will not hold my mouse in the box with the weird word…so I can’t type it
What does it say about me that I voted already but I still read your voting instructions?
I didn’t get a kitten picture, even though I really wanted one.
Also, I’d suggest contacting DivaCup – they do giveaways with blogs ALL. THE. TIME. Bonus? Great product*.
Is it sad that your paint pictures resemble my paper-and-pencil ones?
*disclaimer – I am not paid for that plug, I just think it’s a really awesome product I love and wouldn’t have known about were it not for the power of the internets.
Thanks for the step-by-step voting instructions – I missed the little check box the first time I tried, but have now successfully voted for your crappy blog! To be clear, your blog is totally AWESOME and Hi-lar-ious! Keep on being crappy. <3
I agree. *Pimp.* And I’m very excited to see who you chose. And who doesn’t like giveaways?
You make me laugh until I cry and I spread the good word of Crappy Illustrations to everyone making sure more laughing, crying and peeing happens. Sharing is caring.
I did too! LOL
I voted, thanks for the “Complete Idiot’s Guide to Voting…” I actually needed it *red face*
Your crappy pictures make me laugh all the time. My time with my own crappy twins makes the crappy mom, craptabulously happy!
Thanks for doing it,
Rachel
Your comedy is hilarious and I find myself talking like this in person. Maybe it’s me or maybe this is how I am from lack of sleep with a toddler and infant boys. Either way, I enjoy it. I hope this made sense because I feel like I’m dreaming. I’m THAT tired. Goji juice should help. There I go rambling.
LOl . ..what Heather said. I read them to make sure I did it right.
And pimp is WAY cooler. Everyone knows that the real money is always in distribution and management.
Voted but did not get an email. Will check my spam email. Love you, you are hysterical. Always makes my day.
Yep! You deserve it!
You sold out!!!!
two thumbs up.
haha if there was a like button I would definitely push it!!
Kittens: http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-sY2f6d6ugDE/Tckd5rVdmtI/AAAAAAAAAEQ/rAfwylfZ_Yg/s1600/kitten_basket.jpg
I hope you win a Bloggie! Also, pimp or whore doesn’t make much difference; good for you to make a little something for all the wonderful entertainment you provide us!
LOL, it was only a matter of time.
Reminded me to go and vote for a few more of my favorites, as well. Thanks!
Yay! So glad you are monetizing! You deserve it!
I would too! In fact, I’m trying to find *something* I can click that would fulfill the desire to “like” this.
You got my vote girlie!! You’re awesome!
Nominated for the Bloggies and getting sponsors? Congratulations on your success! (And you have my vote.)
Love your blog way up here in Ottawa, Canada and many of my friends are subscribed too. Hopefully your “hookers/sponsers” include us Canadians way up north in our igloos?
It’s so amazing. The baby is now 10 and I love how she walks around the house looking at her old art work..”who drew on the wall and the desk?” Umm baby girl that was you. “Really? You let me do that?” Umm no, you loved markers and there were times you were ninja baby..You were standing next to me as I was making dinner.. I would stir a pot.. you were gone and we had new art work. Mind you the art work has been there for about 8 years now. I will clean it someday soon. Or hmmm she will
thanks for the step by step–I voted but didn’t do the captcha part, so it seems I didn’t really vote. Will try again–you are the awesomest. It’s the least I can do for all the times I laugh so hard I cry reading your blog!
UUGH!! That would be awesome! I have yet to try them but still. That would be rad for giveaways!
When I saw “announcents” I got excited and thought you were pregnant! Your announcement of your pimp-hood is still very cool, but not as cool as if you were preggers. Yet, I still think of you as my new best fake friend, and I am grateful to “have” you in my fake life.
voted
brilliant way to announce Amber! I just love it!
What is up with kids and crackers? There are more crumbs than there were crackers to start with. I told my husband kids should only be allowed to eat outside.
Me too!!!
me too! I wanted to see what silly comments were added.
The email took like an hour to show up for me, and it was in my spam folder. Just a heads up.
Even your housekeeping is funny!
I want to see the “crappy” picture of you in a pimp suit.
Maybe riding the rainbow unicorn. 
Can’t wait to see who your sponsors are. I get such a kick out of your parenting stories, as I have a 4.5 year old and a 14 month old (both girls, though). 
Pure Awesome
Haha! I love the “Really? You let me do that?” comment. That sounds like something my five year old son would say. He does something and yet somehow it’s still my fault. For example, I left the chocolate powder for the milk out on the counter one morning and he decided it would be awesome to eat it out of the can (yuck!), five minutes later I catch him in the act, the kitchen and him covered in chocolate powder and I say “What are you doing!?” He says, very matter of fact, “You should not have left the chocolate out.” Also, many times have had him running around like a crazy child (even after telling him to slow down and warning him he will get hurt) when he runs into something stationary like the couch and says through tears “You shouldn’t have put that there!” Yes, it’s always mommy’s fault.
I thought I had voted and now I see I missed that crucial last step! Thanks for clarifying this.
I voted for you! Did you see your competition?!? You are competing against The Blogess!!! That means you’ve hit the bigtime! Congrats!
How dare you try to make some money off of the free entertainment you provide to us at an expense of time away from your family
/sarcasm
Good for you!
I voted! Good luck
Pimps also get to wear colorful coats, so that’s even cooler!!
Totally did the same thing, ha ha.
Yeah I’m wondering where she was a couple days ago when I spent like 10 minutes (not really…okay maybe) scrolling around the top half of the page confused.
Voted
Love this blog!
I say stick with Blogkeeping and perhaps you can be the creator of a new word. After all, blog was not a word a few years ago.
Tracy, that’s so funny! My bff’s little girl does/says the same things! I crack up every time and look like the mean-aunt-who-laughs-when-I-cry. It’s worth it because I have caught it on film for later blackmailage!
My home at night.. Maggie don’t run in the home.. “Okay”… Thump Thump Thump crash.. Maggie? “I’m okay” Were you just running inside? “Nope, I was walking fast and the dog got in the way.. the bleeding should stop soon though” Bleeding?? “Yeah, hit my lip” I go look and there is a few paper towels from where she split her lip. She is getting to an age I waiting for her to answer me next time “it’s just a flesh wound”
Diva cup… plug….heh.
I am a twelve year old. I know.
ME TOO! I felt like a moron when I finally scrolled way down….
just voted!!! good luck . . . you are freaking hilarious so you NEED to win. Stop by sometime
www/glitterandgoldblog.blogspot.com
Hope this means there will be a book in the not-too-distant-future!!! I’m looking forward to the giveaways and got my fingers crossed you win the Bloggies!
I thought that too! Probably only because I’m pregnant and think everyone else is
congrats, it’s about time. I showed a blogger friend of mine your site cuz I loves it so much and you about gave her a heart attack because you weren’t monetizing! good for you!
Me too.
Remember,
(cue cheesy rap music)
It’s hard out here for a pimp…
I don’t mind you pimping. You give me so much enjoyment that a few adds don’t bug me. I mean that in a non-freaky, I like to laugh at your blog not heavy breath over it sort of way.
Will you at least allow sponsors for coffee and wine?? They’re parenting tools. You said so yourself!! LOL Congratulations
I don’t have kids of my own and I read your blog religiously. You make me laugh all the time 
You could cram the entire screen edges with ads for lysol, windex, oreos and monsanto and I’d probably still read.
Voted! BTW, I loved the 3rd order of business.
Sorry Kristen! Thanks for trying!
Good one.
LOL
I hope so!
“You let me do that?” is priceless.
Crackers are the most evil of foods. I wrote a post about it but have yet to publish it.
As long as my pimp suit is purple velvet.
Yes, I am humbled to even be in the same category.
I can hear you breathing!
I probably would. That would be funny.
LOL monsanto. That would be so very wrong it would *almost* be funny. Not really though.
Voted! but the 1st time I tried, it didn’t work…
I voted for you
I want you to win, you DESERVE to win! I love your blog so much, seriously cool.
(PS you need a like button, lol)
LIKE, like all the follow up comments. Amber, you must fill our need to click LIKE here….
Glad you will be getting paid for your hard work. You totally deserve it!
I’m new!
I voted!
I like your pictures
If you are this funny in real life could you pleeeeeeeeeeease move next door to me?
Voted
Good for you! You should be making something off your blog, I love it. Sometimes I dream about sponsorship for my blog, and then I remember that I am not cool enough. Or possibly not responsible enough. Probably both, actually.
Thanks for the “house Keeping” tips I tried to vote yesterday but couldn’t work it out. You have honestly hit the spot with your original style and honest writing approach. I try and get all my friends who what to have kids but aren’t unlucky (jokes) enough yet to read to see what they would be in for.
Best of Luck!
Who in the heck draws a unicorn with a rainbow mane and tail to show happiness?
You do, that’s who. And I loved it!
and goldfish and cheezits. my kids enjoy the stale month-old crumbs when I move their carseats. (gag) they’d eat that crap for every meal if I let them. oh, wait, I do.
I must send you a photo of our Pimp Jackets. One is crappy baby sized. My husband’s is purple. He wears it with a giant “gold” link chain (it’s actual links from a lamp chain) with a giant black panther (about 16 inches from head to tail) hanging off of it. It’s a long story.
you are funny but the comments left by your readers are icing on the cake.
Pimp on daddy oooH LOL!!
I voted for you, and I have to say that the voting website was terribly laid out, it’s so unusable. You should complain. And point out that you actually had to create step-by-step instructions to show people how to vote. The instructions alone should make you the automatic winner. And you need to get paid for writing instructions someone’s crappy layout.
I voted!!1!
Was anyone else as entertained by the picture-changing star as I was? Lol..
Yeah, me too, I think it’s because we don’t want to miss any funnies. There are often hidden funnies after all. ^_^
Even worse…when your realise your kids is eating a cracker that they first coloured in with a marker… XD
I tried to vote the other night on my ipod touch…no go, so voted today thanks to your post…done. I read very few blogs, especially parenting blogs. Yours is by far one of the best and it deserves to win. I also think your followers are clever, and funny. I actually enjoy the comments as much as your posts. So, thanks to you AND your followers for the chuckles.
my DD5 told me I had to write and tell you she love love LOVES the unicorn in your picture – please draw more!! oh now she tells me she love the whole picture actually
Does that mean you will be able to “pimp slap” your ‘hookers’? LOL!!!
Yay for you for making a bit o’ moolah! I’m glad! I’ve said before on this site, and now I say again: a book, please! I would so buy one of your books for every baby shower I attend, which is a lot.
Love the kitten basket! I hardly ever vote for these things, but you got mine! If you can make someone crack up reading instructions then you deserve to win! Have you ever considered writing technical manuals for toddler bikes? They could really use the humor.
Is it wrong that I dreamed about you (Crappy Mom) last night and in my dream you looked just like your crappy drawing yet everything else was “real”? You were signing books at a book signing event…. got a book in the making?
I am SO glad you posted voting instructions. I thought I had voted for you but I really just checked a box.
ALso–I totally respect your integrity. My price point for cigarette ads targeted at moms is closer to 2.5 million. Maybe even 2.2 million
unicorns!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Purple velvet with a jaunty hat and a feather! has to have feather.
I don’t think your sponsorship should be restricted to parent/kid stuff. I think a post that links in to sex toys or something cool like that would would be fun too. Just sayin. You are the only ‘parenting’/cartoon blog I actually subscribe to. Come to think of it, you are the only blog I subscribe to. Just please keep being Crappy, so I can keep feeling good about myself!
Voted for ya! Good luck!
Wrong, no. Hopefully precognitive.
I might make an exception to something REALLY cool. But it has to be purple, sparkly, vibrate and able to do the laundry and dishes.
I just voted, merci for the idiot proof guide to voting, I’m now going back to look for kittens.
I hope you win, you deserve loads of cash for the crappy joy you give!
Could you please find some buttons for us to press? Like is good. Love is better. Wet my pants laughing AGAIN would be the best button.
And I snorted when I got to the basket of kittens…
Yep. Me too. I love my diva cup (well, as much as you can love something like that)…And I’m not paid by them either…
PS: JultLikeMercury …. ‘plug’ LOL!
voted! you deserve to win!
I voted for you like two days ago. I try to stay ahead of the crowds.
Aw! I love your pretty little rainbow unicorn! I wish I could make one. Thanks for brightening my day. Sometimes it’s the little things…
I was so thinking the same thing!!! lol
Me too, but did you notice while scrolling through all the other catagories that there are a bunch of really intriguing blogs to read sometime too.
Good luck Amber, keep on drawing that which makes you smile because we smile too.
Done and dusted
Good luck Amber!!
OMG I think I laughed almost as much at the comments as I did at the post (how did I know that even your ‘housekeeping’ post would be HIlarious!)
Go girl. You deserve every success x
and they should pay you
And really fly hats
I voted!! Are you totally blown away to be in the same group with The Bloggess? You are legendary! Also, that star on the right side of the page totally tripped me out.
Congrats!!
I read it all too, even though I already voted! Amber is big pimpin’!
I know! Everyone is so funny today!
I just banned crackers as an after school snack in the van because in the back seat there is a fine coating of cracker dust over everything.
I voted for you but I have to be in a lecture very soon and so didn’t get time to read all the comments, so sorry if this has been touched upon already but (and now I sound like a bit of a free stuff grabbing whore, which sorta ties in with the pimp/hooker/John comments that I did manage to read) will the give aways be for all the non-American-people-who-love-you too? I don’t mind if it is just for Americans and New Zealanders, if that makes it easier for you
Good luck with the award. I think you deserve it as I always read your blog and can never be bothered with any others 
Oh gosh, I hope you’re not Canadian… I looked on your about page and FAQ page but I couldn’t find it… I’m sorry about calling you American if you are Canadian (or anyone else who says Mom instead of Mum, but feel free to call me Australian as revenge… 
Oh… crap… lecture…
I’m with you on the “Wet my pants laughing AGAIN” button!
Well, a NZ company contacted me today so maybe they’ll sign up! It will be open to all.
your hair is getting thinner by the day!
You need to stop making me laugh…I am supposed to be working:)
I think Teething Bling would be a cool sponsor. They are really funny and I actually LOVE their products. I’m not affiliated with them at all it just came to mind:) I voted for you and I hope you win!
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Teething-Bling/167516720033
info@smartmomjewelry.com
OK, I voted for you.
When do I get my kitten?
When you become a pimp I think you should draw yourself wearing a really cool, but still crappy, purple fedora! Word up!
Omg there’s too many comments and do little time. I HATE THAT!! But I love that the comments are like my after dinner smoke where I get to sit and digest what I read and savor it through everyone else’s eyes. Hey- youre the one that brought up cigarettes! Definitely wish there was a Wet My Pants button because I’m always snorting when I read these. And I hope you make a million frickin dollars, pimp mama!!
Thanks for walking us through the voting process…I never could have done it without you
Consider yourself voted for!
omg yesssss….. I feel so unfulfilled. lol.
I say we all pool together and buy Amber a pimp stick. Every great pimp in history has had a pimp stick. Amber, how would you like it personalized?
Also (third comment on this post … can’t seem to stop.) I’m so happy and relieved none of us had to do any actual cleaning… I saw “housekeeping” and *almost-almost* ran for the hills. I’m pretty sure if you told us all to clean … we uh, probably would. But don’t let that go to your head.
I know! What the heck do I do?
Um, oops. I could draw you one.
That story may be long but it sounds like a good one.
You mean my yellow broom in the image above isn’t a cool enough pimp stick?
The unicorn with the rainbow mane totally made my day. Awesomeness!
My 17 mo son runs to me, markers or pens or lighter (or, this morning, small glass bottle of daddy’s vodka) in hand, saying “not for baby! no, no, no, no! put it down!” and then hands them to me.
That, is, when he’s not utilizing said tools in an off moment. (Except for the vodka. That would be wrong.)
I voted (for you). You rock. Mine are girls, a few months behind yours and your crappy pictures totally hit home. I hope you get awesomely rich from your sponsors! I’m still waiting for something to come along and pay me to do cool things…c’mon Etsy!
I totally voted. Because your blog is SO AWESOME. I do love it. I do. I do. I do. Also, I LOVE that you are getting sponsors and getting paid. Rightly you should!!!
I voted! I love your crappy work!
and have cool walking sticks..lol
I heart you! Voted for your fab blog all the way from Sunny South Africa.
I voted! If you don’t win…well, I won’t be happy!
Nothing worse than bright orange crackers. I swear they would glow if I put a black light to them. My son has a ‘healthy orange glow’ because I am too lazy to provide other snacks. (Ok, he doesn’t, but he *could*.) I can leave crackers in the car for the park. Healthy snacks get forgotton….. until they smell. Eeeewwww! My hubby once offered to have my minivan detailed, but WHY!? It will look like crap in 2 days. Just spend the $$ on wine, coffee & chocolate for me instead.
I say that if you win the award, you should change your crappy picture for a week or so by adding a glamerous purple velvet pimpsuit complete with a matching tilted pimp hat and gold tooth. I’m just sayin’.
But maybe the sponsors would not appreciate the mommy-pimp connection.. (they’d be sayin’)
Thanks for the detailed instructions-VERY helpful! You now have another vote from a mama wannabe! Are we allowed to vote more than once?? That wasn’t specified anywhere…
But doesn’t that make me your John? I feel so dirty…
Voted! Keep the crappyness coming, I LOVE IT!
Pimp my tricycle ride! You gotta do what you gotta do. Besides, I trust your opinion of the crap that is out there. It is almost like I got to hand-pick my very own product/service offer screener (“Screener” may be a little geeky for a title, but it does imply some ad censorship power).
And great hats!! Extra cooler!
My 16yo is mad at me because I have been laughing for so long. And yes, I did wet my pants. Where is that button when you need it??
As long as you get paid for this hard work, I’m cool with it.
I voted! Congrats and good luck!
I LOVE giveaways, but I never win them. *pout*
I’d love to DO a giveaway and have my own sponsors. But I’ll settle for trying to win other people’s giveaways for now.
If I win this book, does that mean I’ll get to eat soon? I’m so hungry…
Apparently I’m so hungry, my brain is not working. I responded to the wrong post. But that reminds me, I DO need to vote. I’ll do it now…instead of eating.
I just discovered this blog, it’s hilarious! I think I have a new favorite lol.
~Jill
http://www.highheelsandhuggies.blogspot.com
http://www.youtube.com/user/highlyblogable
Wow I didn’t even see the unicorn until I read further. Then I smiled.
Just wanted to say that I voted for you as soon as I saw you were nominated!! Love the posts!! Reminds me so much of my kids (think they’re even around the same ages!) Keep the laughs coming!! Love it!!
With havin so much written content do you ever run into any issues of plagorism or copyright violation?
My blog has a lot of unique content I’ve either authored myself or outsourced but it appears a lot of it is popping it up all over the web without my agreement. Do you know any solutions to help protect against content from being stolen? I’d
certainly appreciate it.
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